"Fortunately, Unfortunately"
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Fortunately, the hotel offered us use of their pool for the afternoon.
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Unfortunately, some of the other guests complained about our wild antics in the water.
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fortunately, there was a production company nearby filming "Mermans Gone Wild, " so we were able to blend in
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Unfortunately, my swimsuit unraveled as I was doing a double back flip off the high dive.
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Fortunately people were busy watching the tv production crew and so my swimsuit mishap went unnoticed.
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Unfortunately, there was another TV affiliate/gossip rag that was more than happy to film my swimsuit disaster, and I was the top story on the internet within hours....
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Fortunately, all the publicity generated interest in my magnificent figure and I was offered big bucks to do a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition modeling gig.
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Unfortunately I celebrated a little too much with cream cakes and chocolate and gained a few pounds.
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Fortunately,
I am now being scouted out by Vogue to be their new "plus sized model...."
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Unfortunately, they gave the job to Kirstie Alley.
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LOLOLOLOL!!!!!
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Fortunately Kirstie Alley is my best friend and she me her manager and I got paid big bucks.
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Unfortunately, Kirstie was often without her purse, and kept bumming money off me to buy snacks.
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Fortunately,
Kirstie also stole food off my plate, and I was soon back to my fabulous svelte figure, when Vogue booked me for their "Me and My Merman" photo spread.
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Unfortunately, the mermen had felt neglected and refused to pose for the shoot.
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Fortunately, the Chippendales were available!
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Unfortunately,I didn't have any cash to stuff in their G-Strings.
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Fortunately, I was able to snag some play-money from a group of kids sitting in a corner playing Monopoly.
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Unfortunately the Chippendales could tell that it was funny money, and they told ME where to stuff it!
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Fortunately, one of the kids (who happened to be Bernie Madoff's secret partner's granddaughter) felt sorry for me and gave me the number of Grandpa's Swiss Bank Account.
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Unfortunately, the FBI was monitering that account and nabbed me when I tried to make a withdrawl.
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Fortunately I became a snitch, gave up the kid to the FBI who in turn gave up grandpa and now I'm going to get a hefty reward from Uncle Sam.
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Unfortunately, they plan to TAX the reward!
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Fortunately, there was enough left over (thanks to some "creative accounting") for me to embark on my lifelong dream of opening a restaurant.
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Unfortunately, I was having a hard time coming up with a theme for my restaurant, which was to be located in a trendy section of New York City.
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Fortunately, I met up with a self-proclaimed member of the "in" crowd who assured me that the native cuisine of Liechtenstein was absolutely positively going to be the Next Big Thing.
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Unfortunately, it wasn't!
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Fortunately I listened to the voice inside my head and opened up a international cuisine resturant featuring foods from all over the world and all the "in" crowd came and I made millions!
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Unfortunately, money does not buy happiness.
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Unfortunately, wealthy people INSIST on giving me large commissions for catering their lavish parties, and hosting their fancy soirees.
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