please help

NanaOfTen

Hi all,

Cathi, many big, huge hugs to you as you wait with your daughter. I have two and can only imagine your fear. I learned today that my ins. co. will not pay for me to have my genetic testing done. My daughters wanted it done, not only for them, but for their daughters.

Dayum bootface.

UB/AE ... many prayers your way as well.

My hair is about 3/4 of the way out. and yes, my eyebrows and lashes (as well as other places we won't mention . . . ) are falling as well. Took my shower today and when I combed my hair, all I saw was scalp with lines of hair ... combed it all forward, LOL still not covering it too well.

As I said, it's more than the simple fact of losing the hair, it's WHY we lose the hair ... the brain can only prevent the reality for so long, then it stares me in the face each time I look in the  mirror. chemo face, bald head. it's here, baby, Imma fighting the beast!

Cheryl

Makratz

Cheryl - Hang in there.  With or without hair, I can tell that you are a beautiful, loving caring person.

Towhee - I do 3 miles every day and still have put on 12 pounds since Tamox.  I also do the eliptical and many, many sit ups.  Just doesn't matter!  My trick for walking is to go out as much as possible, which can be difficult with all the snow.  I have a treadmill with a TV and a Tall table next to it.  I put my lap top on the table and read all the posts while walking!  Keeps me going!

UB and AE - Keeping you in my prayers.  That really sucks!

1Cathi

Cheryl,  my thoughts are with you. Fortunetly my insurance last year paid for the BRAC testing, the only reason I had it done was for my daughters and theres as well, I fiqured I was always gonna be "high" risk now anyway.

As I am learning from alot of reading and some new research BRAC + (and I don't mean to scare you) is more prevelent in IDC rather that ILC, there is another mutation under study CDH1 that tends to be linked more closely to ILC and it has a link to gastric cancer as well.

Sometimes I just wonder why the hell I read and try to understand this stuff, seems like no matter what we  do - the CRAP just keeps getting deeper,  and I do believe there is a much bigger POWER in all this than me or any doctor I have. 

So tonight I have had a very large "Rum Runner"  and have allowed myself fear, anger and pity -

Tomorrow is another day .  

Anonymous

I love it, Cathi! Fear, Anger, Pity. That sums it up. I think I'll have a FAP party myself tonight. I don't keep much in the way of spirits around here. What can I make with vodka, kahlua, and Yukon Jack?

AE, UB, my arms surround you. What else can we do? I feel so helpless. My ex's mom had lymphoma, and it truly was a chronic illness that stayed in the background. It was just beginning to become a problem when she died of other causes at age 86. Her quality of life was excellent despite the lymphoma. I hope UB follows that path.

Here's to another day.

barbe1958

Cathi, I'm not going to tell you to "think positive" because I know I wouldn't if I was in your shoes. We know that what we think or feel has nothing to do with the outcome, but I understand the other ladies' good thoughts.

I am terrified for you. The nurse was quite straight in what she was saying. How is your daughter handling it? If she had a previous B9 experience she may have a better outlook, but hey......scary $hit. 

You are both in my prayers. 

1Cathi

Judie I like that a "FAP PARTY" my new saying on crappy days.

Barbe thanks for the kind words/thoughts, Jaclyn is 28,  she is one of the most "positive" upbeat people I have ever known (and not because she is my daughter) when she first called I could hear concern in her voice,  being mom I did my best to ease her worries and say all "the right things" only wish I believed myself what I was saying.  I think at least for this next week her "I'm to young - nothing can happen to me attitude" is good. I'll worry for both of us. 

On the upside we are picking up Margo Saturday AM - YEAH-YIPPIE

NancyD

I've been lurking a while with day-to-day family matters taking precedence, but wanted to pop in to say my thoughts are with you all, especially AE and UB {{{hugs}}} and prayers for you.

And Karen, sometimes those other family distractions keep bc off your mind, don't they? My virtual support to you in dealing with it all.

Cathi, I hope and pray that it will be nothing serious, just an anomaly that showed up due to some innocuous thing like a yeast infection, as Sheila said.

Judi...vodka and Kahlua makes a Black Russian. Double the alcohol in a normal drink so only have one. Personally, I like to mix the Kahlua with a little milk (or half-n-half if I'm really feeling I need a treat, lol).

Cheryl, I hope you are on the mend. Have you been given any exercises to do? My PT has been great for the stiffness I had across my chest (like a band was stretched tight). The hair thing, well, it was a strange experience that I am glad is behind me. But I always had a curious wonder about how I would look bald. Ok, now I've been there done that. So I say, find something interesting about the experience so you don't get lost in the emotional crush of it. Have fun with wigs or scarves; have a henna tattoo done on your head...and stay ahead of the SEs.

Thinking of you all as I go back to work!

barbe1958

I think most women look very sophisticated in a turban. I have yet to see a lady in one that doesn't look good! It also leaves the question of "is it cancer or style". 

NanaOfTen

Hi all,

Nancy, no, and I wish I would be given some exercises. I want/need to do some but do not know which. My arm is still rather stiff, limited in range from the surgery. I do gentle stretches, but I want to join you all and run ... oh yeah, that's not going to happen now! 

My dd has an exercise bike, was talking with my mom yesterday and we thought maybe she could let me borrow it to see if I would use it before I got one of my own. Being limited in motion even before the bc and surprised on my walk how I got tired going there and coming home, I know I need something.

barbe, I haven't decided on a wig. I am definitely getting the turban scarves, I like the look of those, too. I am making a hat today, crochet, but it has a brim all around it, kinda spunky looking.

cathi, more hugs to you and your dd.

Cheryl

Kaloni

Hi Sue! Oh my Gosh! You sound so good. I am good too. It has been a while you sweeties. I have been so busy too. I work and work it seems. And, now, I am taking care of my other half. Mike had a collapse lung. Not good. He is better now, and at home. But, he still is in alot of pain. So, I have been giving him good care. Boy! He can be stubborn though. Well, I am off and running again. Just a little peep. I will do my best to keep more in touch with you lovely ladies. Bye now.

God Bless You All,

Love,

Kaloni 

1Cathi

Hi Nana, thanks.  I have an exercise bike and I love it, just start slow, it does not have to be a marathon, try putting it near a TV or something, jump on and just do a few tenths of a mile to begin, do that throughout the day,  if it has the moveable arms you don't even have to use those if it bothers you.  I got mine after my treatments started in 06, I have always loved to walk but back then it was near impossible some days, and I hated just sitting like any ever growing "blimp/blob" LOL.  On a very good day now I will get 10 miles in, but not all at once I usually do 2-3 mile intervals,  Not sure what kind you daughter has, but just like a real bike the seat makes all the dif in the world. I have quite a "cumfy - wider seat" (LOL) to accomidate.

portiasproudmom

Hi everyone!  Happy Friday!  Oh, Cheryl.  It seems like yesterday when I was in your shoes.  Losing the hair is a really strange experience.  I think I may have jinxed myself a few years ago when I was sick of my hair and said I was going to pull a "Britney".  LOL!!

I started a new diet this week.  We're going to Vegas for Spring Break and I look like a damn beached whale!  I've lost four pounds in two days.  Not bad.  Now I may look like a slim whale!

Hugs,

Karen 

barbe1958

Wow Karen, how did you do that? Good for you! 

1Cathi

Good job Karen, just be careful though.

Makratz

Nice job, Karen,  what have you done to lose the weight.  I need help!!

lvtwoqlt

Good for you Karen, I need to lose that weight also.

My father-in-law had lymphoma as well as melanoma and liver cancer. We are not sure what caused what but he was stable with his lymphoma for several years before it showed up in the liver. He went for a trial treatment for his liver cancer 5 months before he passed and my mil swears up and down that that trial is what killed him.

Today I am getting my walking in. The IT dept I work in is in the middle of a 'Huge' labeling project and we are running 3 Zebra label printers at full tilt to get the labels printed to go to the warehouse to put on the product starting next week and as usual I am the only one in the department this afternoon so I am going every 15 minutes to 3 different locations in the department to pick up, fold and sort the labels by sku number and reload the printers with labels and ribbon. I think I will get 10 miles in today in short bursts. Not to mention if I am in another office and somebody comes by the front door, I have to go and let them in (not employees who have the pass code) then go back to that office and finish what I started. I will be hearing tzzzzzp-----tzzzzzp in my sleep.

Sheila

my3girls

exercise..exercise! I run or power walk ususally 3 miles 4-5 days a week..get allot of walking in here at work..but the weight doesn't budge...damn Arimidex!  I don't look bad..but still would like to lose!  Great job Karen!!!

OMG...UB..VAL....I am so mad!!! Damn BOOTFACE!!!!! ((((((UB))))))) (((((((VAL))))))...love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok..back to work....crazy here!

Makraz...I won't be with my Danni for her 25th..she lives in Chicago. But she has a wonderful boyfriend now...I am sure he will treat her like a queen!

please pray for an old friend of mine..he actually is young..about 31..has 2 kids..beautiful wife..and he just was diagnosed with leukemia!! Started chemo already!! DAMN BOOTFACE.........go away...we hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (his name is Mic)

xoxo
Lisa

portiasproudmom

Ugh!!!!  It's just neverending!  STUPID, DAMN, BOIL-IN-A-BAG (my favorite Sue phrase) BOOTFACE!!!!!!!!!  I'll say prayers for Mic, Lisa. 

I'm doing the 4 Day Diet developed by Dr. Ian Smith (the doc on Celebrity Fit Club).  There are 4or 5 Modules that you go through.  The first one is the Induction Module.  It's main purpose is to cleanse your system.  I've been eating mainly fruits and veggies.  Also some whole grains, dairy, legumes, and fresh squeezed juice (with physillium husk added to clean out your colon).  You do 40 minutes of cardio for three days and then get one day off (I've been doing a 30 minute power walk on my treadmill every day).  Every module is different, so you don't get bored, and in later modules, you actually get to eat naughty foods in moderation.  When I was on Nutrisystem, I hit a plateau, and couldn't get past it, no matter what I did.  That isn't supposed to happen on this program because you keep switching things up and you aren't eating the same stuff every day.

It's working so far, and I'm sooooo happy!  I tried on some knit sun dresses the other day, and I looked like a damn over-stuffed sausage in them!  It was depressing!!!!!!  I ended up buying some dressy black capris and a silky halter-style top. 

Hugs to all,

Karen

NanaOfTen

Hi all,

Had my appointment with my counselor today. Always nice to get things off my mind and she gave me some things to read.

Each time I go, I meet someone while waiting for my bus to take me home. Today, sitting outside waiting, a lady came up and asked if I was making a hat. Yes, I said, and showed it to her. We got to talk and another bc lady.

She just finished her chemo in Jan. We talked for quite a while ... never would have guessed she had a wig on, looked so nice, no real. She went back into the hospital for me and talked to a woman in the cancer dept., then this lady came out and took my info. Now ... the lady who works in the cancer dept. is putting in for me to get the coupon for a free wig, woo hoo, from the cancer society. She said wait till I get it then I will have $200 coupon to get me some "hair", LOL She is also putting together a binder for me with all sorts of info, a calender to help me with my appts. etc. 

So many nice people to help us. I sat there waiting for my bus, then Carol, the first lady drove up and offered me a ride home. We exchanged numbers and now we have new friends. She showed me how her hair is just starting to come back in, about 6 weeks out from last tx. Her lashes are starting to grow, too. She also told me how her head hurt when her hair was falling out (didn't mention it here ... thought you all would think I was really bonkers - glad to know it's common - hurts just to lie on the pillow).

There are just too many of us in this world.

Sheila, you are definitely getting your workout at work! Get one of those pedometers (or however it's spelled) ... bet you definitely will put on more than the 10K each day during these days!

Just walking from the counselor's office to the doors did me in. Saw a wheelchair and thought '"next time I'm using one of those!"  Long walk for me at this point. But don't want to use it and being as stubborn as I am, probably won't either. Will tuff it out.

I wish I could do a little reducing now, but don't think i can. Tho have no appetite, have to remind myself to eat, yet the scale doesn't show any loss. Wazzup with that??  After my accident, my knees and hip were hurt and couldn't walk, put on a bit o weight, still use a cane to walk, think that's why the tiredness gets to me so.

Enjoying the warm fuzzies from my new friends.

Cheryl

1Cathi

Makratz

Cathi, I need her on my fridge!

1Cathi

I know thats not nice -but what the heck. I actually have a pic of me I keep real handy (not on the frig though) I lost a bit over 75lbs  almost 8 years ago and I swear I will never gain it back,  I was sort of anorexic looking for awhile, I went a bit 'crazy"  So far so good,  I have gained about 6-7 back, but friends, family say I needed to, I hate my A$$ though thats where it all sits.  Recently I have noticed things shifting around,  menopause I guess, I call it 'A$$ BACK"  its not getting wider its getting longer, I swear it starts in the middle of my back and drops from there.

portiasproudmom

Bwahhhh haaa haaa!!!!  Thanks for the laugh, Cathi!  I have to lie down to get my jeans on these days, but I'm not quite that big yet!!!!

Hugs,

Karen

1Cathi

Karen you look absolutely perfect and beautiful in the pictures you posted - we're woman we are never happy with how we look.

Makratz

Cathi,

How did you lose all that weight?  Teach me!!

Anonymous

Cathi!!! Where did you get that picture of me????? Hey, you guys are gorgeous. Stop with the fretting already!!!

A smile for your day. Connor wearing the dinosaur sweater and pants I made for my very first granddaughter's second birthday. Her sister wore it, too, then my daughter tucked it away for her own future grandchildren.  She got it out for Connor to use.

dink

Hello Ladies

OMG there is so much going on.  Sheila, sorry about the way you were treated.  Maybe MIL don't want to admit you may be a little better than her daughters at looking after her and being truly concerned.

AE and UB you are in my prayers and in my thoughts.  May God bless you and look over you you. 

Judi, my little Connor is so special to me.  He's my heart as well as all of the others but he's my special one.  Your Connor is so cute in his dinosaur outfit.  I just love it.  I have three of the grandkids and they just left.  It's hard to read all of this when they are all in your lap but it's fun.

Karen, you are really beautiful as well as your children.  I have a Chase also - he's 21 and he's my big baby. 

Cathi, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter, I hope everything goes well, I'll keep you and her in my prayers.  Bless her heart, she is trying to protect her mom by being so brave.  Kids, gotta love them.

Nettie Sue and everyone hello to you too.  I can't seem to walk a mile without being tired and breathin heavy.  I have several friends doing weight watchers and I'm going to try it with them.  They have all come down several sizes in their clothes in a matter of a month.

Ok, listen you you guys, I went to see my PS on Thursday.  We will try the reconstruction again on May 21, 2009.  I'm excited but have a few questions.  Have you guys heard of "PMT"?  She said that since I rejected the one expander on the right side she wanted to try this new procedure.  She said it is usually better for the patients who reject the other material, expands quicker, and is much smoother.  You don't have to wait as long to get your permanent implant.  I asked her what the material was and she said it was tissue from a cadaver about a 6 x 10 inch tissue that they put in and expand occaisionally because it is so quick to work.  I asked her if, "will I start having dreams and see things that the cadaver saw or did?" she laughed and said she doesn't think so and laughed some more.  Have you guys heard of this procedure?  I'm a little concerned.

Leesa 

my3girls

A quick hello to my sisters!!!

Karen..sounds like you are on a GREAT diet!! It sounds smart and healthy!! I wish you all the weight loss your heart desires!!

I was a slug all week...didn't exercise once!! That is not like me..but back on track on Monday!

Cathi...I know exactly what you mean about the a$$ getting longer...lol..you made me laugh..but it's so true. I gain weight in my back..hate it!

Cheryl...yes..your head does hurt when the hair falls out.  It will go away though. I am so happy you made connections with other bc women. Sounds like you have some good help there.

Ok...I know you are all probably sick to death of my "so called" men stories. So...sorry if you you are.  But I have one more...lol  Actually...I read what my dear Judie wrote about taking a break. And I thought..she is right..I should...esp. with me being so busy with Olivia's big year..BUT...lol ...here is what I did!  Went on my Plenty of fish website..there was this one man...who is NOT my type..he was new and sent me an email, wondering where my city was...and he made lots of nice compliments of my pictures and profile I wrote. Anyhow..I responded and told him, he was an hour away..and that's not a good thing for me..cause I had done that with Dennis.  But, I told him, that normally I am not attracted to bald men...but he was very attractive! That was last week.  Then FOR SOME STRANGE REASON....last night, I instant messaged him.  We IM'd back and forth for over an hour!! We had so much in comman..it was unbelieveable!  He knows all about cancer...his dad died of colon cancer...he is the same nationality as me..which my dad would be thrilled with...cause dad keeps saying..Lisa..you need a good Italian guy..he will love you the way you should be loved! lol...and his name is Michael..which is my favorite name! He is a twin..has a twin sister...like my dad..lol..and he has 2 older sisters. He loves his family...has 4 adult children...all beautiful and one 4 yr old grandson..sound familiar?? lol...and he was Burned by his 2nd marriage..which ended very quickly..sound familiar?? We can relate to so much...it's unbelievable!  I have never been attracted to bald men..and he is much shorter than I like...only 5'8".  But....he seems to have a beautiful heart...and a great smile!!

I am now...so excited to meet him!! Am I totally nuts or what????

You know I value all of your opinions...so have at it!!

back to work!

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Lisa so glad you get the A$$ Back thing, Ed just cracks up when I walk around and say it -but it is so true, my cloths are fittting so diffrent now and I have not gained or lost a single pound in months.  A$$ BACK SYNDROME. 

Markraz, the simple truth is I got a "DIVORCE"  seriously that helped I was so miserable and depresed for years all I did was eat crap,  I mean it did take a bit more effort than that, but getting rid of A$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ H@LE , sure helped, I don't eat any junk food anymore (by that I mean Mcdonalds, and that stuff) trust me I can still down a chocolate cake with anyone. But I make one say on the weekend, and have a slice maybe 2 and come Monday I make Ed take it to work,  I did give up beef, and don't fry anything anymore,  No soda, no more sugar in my coffee. I am not a health nut by any means just a few simple changes, white bread to browns, simple things.  But I will tell you I stopped saying "diet" to me that always sounded like punishment - I started says "eating healthier"

Oh my gosh Judie, Conner is a doll baby - THOSE EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well Margo is HOME -  YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. We left at 6AM (2HR DRIVE each way) and we missed a whole lot of traffic that way to.  Its like having a new born,  but it is so wonderful.  She rode all the way home on my lap, did great, then about 10 minutes from home, she threw up all over me -  and not a little bit either. WOW did it stink,  Ed has the worst nose in the world, he was lucky.  So far she and Roxie are  not crazy about each other, that will take a few days,  right now she is napping  - I think I need one.

Have a wonderful weeked all - XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

my3girls

oh...Cathi...welcome little Margo!!! too sweet...except for the puking!! yuck!

It's true about the change without weight gain...and that does happen with menopause! I see it, feel it!! Men have it so darn easy!!

I can't wait to see the pics posted when I get home...!!!

Well...Michael emailed me here...he really is a kind man...I just feel something...so different..i don't know what it is...but it's nice!  One thing he said..because I mentioned..how I am gun shy about meeting, falling for someone and getting hurt. Of course his intention is not to hurt..but this is what he said in an email.....

you shouldn't feel foolish, i am excited also and worse case senario i have met an awesome woman, my intention is not to crush you and i really don't have expectations other than i know my heart feels excited to see you and meet you.  wouldn't it be something if all the pain we have gone through in life brings us to this point for a reason.  as i said we'll just see what happens, but i am looking foward to meeting you! very sweet!! xoxo Lisa