please help

livesstrong

Hi ALL,

Just a quick pop in - just want to say I love you all -

 bb tonight - UB is working!!

AE

my3girls

Cathi....be careful, I may take you up on your offer!!! You know I work for the airlines, so I fly for free!! Where are you again?  I believe I remember you saying on the gulf side...which is my favorite!! What is the closest airport?

Sunshine would do me good right about now!!

1Cathi

No problem Lisa, I am in Central Fla, Indian Rocks Beach (very close to Clearwater), The largest closest Airport is Tampa,  but we also have Clearwater/ST. Pete.

Our weather is finally breaking the humidity has dropped, living here on the barrier Island it cools down sooner, so we have been able to turn our A/C off , (YEAH -CHA-CHING) Daytime sunny and 85 nights about 72.

JUST PERFECT! 

my3girls

Oh Cathi...that sounds heavenly.  We have a direct flight to Tampa from here. My daughter is flying (again) down to Orlando on friday for the weekend. Her boyfriend is at a junior college in Ocalla.  She will get to experience some warmth and sunshine.

AE...we love you too, and miss you. You pop in often, but we need updates on you and UB!!

Ka-Loni

Happy October Sweeties!  It is BreastCancer Awareness Month!

I figured I would pop that in here to just let all you know, I am thinking about you. Keep your faith and keep believing. For those of you that are having a hard time right now. It will get easier. That beautiful light will come shining through.

God Bless,

Love,Kaloni

1Cathi

UGH!!!!!!!!!!! I am having the most horrible nauseating AM I have in awhile, I do 95% of my work from home, but going into the office today to give some training to a few girls as back-up - for just incase off days with the surgery. 

I don't know why I am so freaked, I know people mean well, but all the "how are you's", you'll get through this -  and comparisions to Christina Applegate - I have litterly made myself sick to my stomach already this day.  Trying to do mascara through tears sucks!

Shirlann

Hi my dear sisters, I just had 3 days of sick as a dog.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong?  I rarely get sick.  Of course, it was cancer returning.

Then, I looked at my pill box and I am ashamed to admit I had mixed up Walt's box with mine, for 3 days I had taken 2 Metformin, 1 Glyburide and a Levoxl and a Tenormin.  Brrrrrrrr, my blood sugar was almost gone, I could not move.  Can you believe I was so stupid?  He, of course, is a diabetic, and I took his medicine for 3 DAYS!!!  He could not figure out why his blood sugar was so high?

What a couple of idiots.  His box has his NAME on it, and I blythely took it out of my cupboard, (his is stored elsewhere), chugged all this down, and have been sick for 3 days.  Of course, I got a great panic attack out of the whole thing too.

Oh well, its great to get old and stupid!

Hugs, to all , Shirlann 

Anonymous

Hi Cathi, How are you? I mean really how are you?   Sorry, I couldn't resist. I know what you mean. If I want anyone to actually know how I am, I will tell them. Hang in there!

Shirlann! You are giving me a heart attack. That's heavy stuff...and for THREE days! I hope you've learned your lesson, girl! I'm so glad you are okay. You are not old OR stupid...just too darned sure of yourself when you reach into the medicine chest. I'll bet you'll never open a pill container without looking again. Whew!

Ladies, it's the bottom of the yo-yo again. This is NOT fair. I had nearly three weeks at the top of the string and got sucked into believing the worst was over. No reason. Maybe I have edema somewhere and the tears are getting rid of the extra fluid. Thus few words from here today and who knows how long, but I will be here anyway. LIFE SUCKS

Judie

PS: Saw a plastic surgeon today. I have dog-ears and one side is concave, the other almost flat. Remember that I am 65 and have a significant belly...My choices are:

1. Buck up and deal. Wear breast forms and avoid surgery.

2. Tidy up the dog-ears only.

3. Single-surgery implant. The best I could obtain is a small A size.(surgeon seemed to lean towards this option)

4. Expanders to whatever size I want...two surgeries plus fills every two weeks.

At my age beauty is irrelevant. I hate wearing my fake boobs, but look silly without them. All I really want is to wake up from this bad dream with my own boobs drooping and flopping. I miss them. I'm not dealing with this new normal at all.

livesstrong

Hi Ladies,

Judie - sending a big hug your way.  So sorry to hear you feeling so low after last week.  As far as I'm concern this "new normal" thing is overrated.  There is nothing "normal" about it!!

Cathi - try not to let those people get to you.  Eventually they will stop asking once they see you are walking, talking & breathing just fine.  Question for you - DH & I are probably moving to the Lakeland area next spring - can you tell me anything about the town?

Shirlann - Jeez girl, be careful, OK?  Glad you discovered what the problem was, just chalk it up to a senior moment!

Lisa & Nancy - UB wants to know if we are still on for the 19th?  I vote for the Village but will go anywhere - I say the majority rules, OK?  Can you believe I scheduled my 6 month mammo the day after we meet?  I'm starting to stress out all ready - considering ever since I finished treatment I have had to go for biopsy's after each one.   My luck they will find something yet AGAIN!!! UGH!

Quiet around here - hope you are all having a nice night.

Love ya,

AE

1Cathi

That was cute Judie - I only answered that question 100+ times today.  But I made it through,  after I did my training, there was a lunch planned in the confrence room -  LOOKED LIKE SOME ONE PUKED PINK! LOL

Pink plates, napkins, flowers, cutlery,  and I think I got every PINK AWARENESS item on the market, keychains, lotion,  plastic storage containers, etc, etc, etc.  I am laughing now thinking about it - and I forsure graciously excepted and said my thank you's.  As my honey reminded me, people don't know what to do or say (and I actually have some very close friends there) they just want to find a way somehow to show there love and support.  Sooo as they opened up the can of worms I did do a bit of a speech/lecture to everyone about having their mamo's, and doing BSE, because I know for a fact that there are a few ladies who are in the "I don't wanna know " "what ever happens happens" club -  IDIOTS! LOL

So AE - Lakeland,  Lakeland is in POLK County just slightly East of Tampa (I have been out that way a few times) It is very rural - not big city -the trafic is pretty good. Close enough to Tampa to find better shopping, eating etc.  If you are looking for a more "countryish" area Lakeland would be a good place for that. It is not nearly as populated as Tampa, Orlando, the beaches, you can still drive and see open fields, livestock etc. You are a considerable distance from either coast (water however).

Here in FLA,  distance is not so much judged by the miles as it is the time it takes you to get there. For instance my office is about 20 miles from my house -however in rush hour that is a good 1.5HR drive. When you ask some one here how far away they are they hardly ever say 10 miles  -they say oh about 30 minutes. Weird.  Do you have family in Lakeland,  if at some time, you wanted me to send you some newspapers, realestate mags, just let me know, i'll dig up what you need.

Hope everyone is having a groovy night! XOXOXOXOXOXO

NancyD

Val, I'm still planning on it!  Just waiting until closer to get the final say from Lisa. She's the out-of-towner that might get lost in her travels, LOL.

Judie, are you sad because those are the only options that were offered? Why won't the PS consider a TRAM or DIEP?  If, for whatever reason, those are off the table, I'd go with the expanders. That would have been my choice if I didn't have to have radiation. As it is, I'm only hoping that I can have a bilat DIEP...no one's told me it's possible, yet.

tam9pacek

Hi, I was just diagnosed with BC yesterday 10/1 on Breast cancer awareness month (ironic, don't ya think) Well I am aware alright. I am a 34 year old mom to a beautiful son named, Parker. I am scared. I could definetly use some encouragement. Thanks, Tammie

Anonymous

Nancy, I wasn't clear as usual. The sadness and plastic surgeon were separate issues. I chose no reconstruction initially, but am reconsidering options and just asked the surgeon to outline what was possible now. At my age and health status, it needs to remain fairly simple. I don't object to any of the options. None of them will make me anywhere near "normal". I forgot to end the list by asking what people would choose if they were me. I'm gathering information before making a decision. I'm in no hurry at all.

If I were your age and in good health, I'd consider other options in a heartbeat. Go for it!

Oh, AE, it isn't any kind of normal, is it? How innocent we once were.

So, am I tugging any heartstrings hard enough to create so much pity that I will soon find a ticket to the New York party under my pillow?

Welcome, Tammie. You have stumbled into a circle of strength.

1Cathi

Hey Judie,

I wish I could send you a ticket to Fla we are going to hold our annual Haloween party next weekend (early because of surgery) and it is always a blast (and noone better mention the words BC - OR THEY ARE OUT ON THEIR TAILS -LOL) - I wish you all could come.  And I am sorry for the sadness you are feeling right now. I know theres not much I can say to change that  except maybe "CRAP - CRAP -CRAP!!!! 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Wren

Judie, I am thinking of you and sending big hugs. I'm sorry you are at the other end of the yo-yo right now. I was there last week... *sigh...  I had a 'dog ear' on one side and I still have a bit of one so it will get fixed when the nipples are made in November. It sounds like you are thinking about reconstruction--and that your plastic surgeon has some ideas. The nice thing is that you can take your time to decide what to do. I'm hoping that you bounce up to the other end of the yo-yo soon!

Tammie, I'm sorry you have to face this scarey thing, but you won't have to face it alone. There is so much great support here. Welcome.

Shirlann... O.M.G.!!!  That is soooo freaky that you mixed up those meds. You know that probably happens a lot more than any of us realize when you have two people taking regular meds in one house. I'm just so glad you discovered it sooner rather than later. Thank goodness that you are both feeling better now too.

Ulla and Fumi, I'm sending happy thoughts your way.

Hugs to all of you!!!

portiasproudmom

Grrrrrrr!!!  I was just in the middle of a post, and the stupid computer booted me out! 

I hope everyone's having a nice Friday.  Judie, I'm sorry you're feeling sad again.  Hopefully, it will pass soon.  I know what it's like in that dark hole.  As for reconstruction advice, I wish I could be more helpful (I only had a lumpectomy).  I've heard many ladies say they were very pleased with the results from expanders and then implants.  I would go for it, if I were you.  Who cares if you're 65?  You could very well live another 30 or more years.  That's an awfully long time to be unhappy with the way your chest looks.  Big hugs, Judie.  I hope you have a great weekend!  Have Connor over.  That always manages to brighten your day!  He's such a doll!!

Shirlann, you just about gave me a heart attack with that story!  I'm so glad you are both feeling better.  Please be more careful young lady!!  Yes, I said young!  You are younger at heart than most people I know!  Love you, Shirlann!

Welcome, Tammie.  I remember very well what it was like right after being diagnosed.  It's such a scary feeling.  Please coming back here for support.  ((((((Tammie))))))

We're going to an Oktoberfest celebration tonight.  Should be fun.  I hear they have wiener dog races this year.  The kids will get a big kick out of that!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Hugs,

Karen

livesstrong

Tammi - sorry you had to join us but we are here for you.  The beginning is always the worst part - the unknown, the decisions, the WAITING - hang in there and come back we would love to help you.

Cathi - thanks for the info -I would love some info - I will pm you my address.  We don't have any relatives there - believe it or not we picked it out by looking at a map!!  From what I have read & heard it looks like a nice area.  How far do you think it is from the water?  I can't be too far thats for sure.

Judie - how are you today?  Am I the only one that hates this month??  Pink EVERWHERE!!! ggrrrr.

Karen - Octoberfest???  Have a beer for me.

Nancy - Lisa better come - it wouldn't be the same without her.  I can't wait!!

Well ladies, I am tired tonight so I am going to chill out - have a good one.

AE

honeygirl

Hi everyone. Ahh, Friday once again. I remember when I was younger , I started my weekends on Thursday! The clubs would have 25cent beer night on Thurs. so we all figured we could feel half dead at work for just one day! We would start our work day on Friday saying , never again , but by the time "quittin" time came , we were making plans where to meet and do it all over again.lol

Now , I'm just happy to be able to stay home. Life changes...

Welcome Tammie. Diagnosed Oct. 1st. That really sucks. But glad to have you here. Love the name Parker. How old is he? I know you are scared. You are in the scariest part.Well thats my opinion. It was for me. I always fear the unknown. And then to have a cancer diag. on top of that. Its definitely a hard journey. But we gather so much strength here from one another. We are all in different stages. But thats good. We can help each other get through this. Me and some of the other ladies have been through chemo , some rads too. I had immediate reconstruction , some just had theirs. Some of us are young. Some not as young.lol So feel free to ask us questions , or if you just need to vent we are here for you. Have you gotten your pathology results yet? You will know then what treatment to expect. Hugs to you Tammie. Hope you come back and join us.

Oh Judie. Sorry you're feeling so down. Our ups seem as high as the sky , and our lows , as low as they can go. I'm kinda there with you. There is just so much stress right now. Economical , relationship , economical, oh did I say that already?lol Man , I got a letter from my credit card people saying they are cutting back my credit limit. One of the others raised my apr to 29%!!!  I don't think I can do this anymore! My paycheck isn't getting any bigger , but everything else is. Gasoline is forty dollars a week for me. I am gonna stop getting my nails done. That is my only pert. But I need it in the gas tank. Well , there well be a new president in another month. And they are gonna make it all better. Is anyone else laughing?

OH is about the same. Still drinking. Stopped going to PT. Went to visit his aunt in Pa. Said he is moving there when one of her houses is for rent again. Don't know if he is just saying that or not.

I can't afford to move right now. But I have a couple friends to catch me if I fall. Thank God for girlfriends...

Hi Karen , sounds like lots of fun this weekend! I would love to see the Weiner races! How cute are they?!  Hows your mom doing? I'm so glad she has you. Hope she is getting along alittle better each day.

Shirlann!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!! Oh my God. Are you sure you are OK? That can be very serious. And Shirlann , we all do things like that no matter what age. Please be careful. Walt , the boys , Dusty , Cleo , and all of us need you to stick around!!! No one can make us laugh , cry  , or feel OK , like you can Shirlann. Love you.

Oh Judie , In my opinion , I would go for the expanders and implants. And get whatever size that makes you happy. I think a full C is nice. Go for it girl! I'm glad I got my reconstruction. I just wish it matched my good booby better. Good luck.

Hi Wren. Good to see you. Glad you are getting your dog ear fixed with the nipple. I don't know if I will get a nipple or not. Let me know how you like yours. Hope you are doing well and having a good start to the weekend.

Hi Cathi , I sooo know what you mean about the "how are you really" thing. Over , and over , and over... And yes , you are right. People don't know what to say or do. So they usually do or say the wrong thing. And a smile and a thank you is what we should do. I grit my teeth and bare it. Except , when I lost my hair and I was in a meeting at work. It was a meeting we had every morning at work. And I , of course was wearing scarves and hats. And someone said. "Oh Mel , it must be such fun getting to wear all those different hats and scarves". And I very sarcastically replied , "oh yes , its so much fun and something I always wanted to do". She said , well , you know what I mean. I said no , I don't. End of meeting!

I don't like equating "pink" with my breast cancer. I just feel the symbol should be something awful. Something that would show everyone what it feel likes. I know they wanted to attrack people by making it "pink" , but then its this good , uplifting feeling. Sorry I don't feel that way. I see pink when a little sweet baby girl enters the world. Not when they take my breast from me and it doesn't end there. Its something we all have to deal with the rest of our lives. Color it pink? Nope , not me. Breast cancer isn't worthy of one of God's beautiful colors. Sorry Cathi and everyone , didn't mean to go off on a tangent. Just not feeling to pink...

Hi Lisa. Thanks for the lovely pm. I'll pm you later. Hope you are feeling better. Are you and Dennis getting together this weekend? Hope so. I can't wait to here about the get together with Nancy and AE. How much fun will that be! You guys better take some pics. And give the girls some hugs for me.

Hi Kaloni , did you move yet? How are you feeling? Hope you have a good weekend. You need to post a pic of you. I'd love to see how your hair looks now. And you!

Jane , Sue , Ulla , Fumi, please check in and let us know how you all are doing.

Well prayers and hugs to you all. Melody

1Cathi

Happy Friday All -

Judie hope maybe just a little your on the upward yo-yo ride again xoxoxoxoxox

AE-  Well to hit either the East Coast Line - or the Gulf of Mexico (West Coast thats were I live) at least a 1- 1.5HR ride,  there are smaller inlets of water in between the ocea side and Gulf, it would depend on just how close you really want to get to the Atlantic of Gulf.  Lakeland is nice, again very rural, for me I wanted a bit more hussel and bussel and the water -  so while where I live gets extremely busy with our Snowbirds and spring breakers it is still worth it,  ut I personally would never live in Tampa - just way to busy. If you are looking for a place in  more North Fla, try googling info on Spring Hill,  Dunedin,  New Port Richey,  those are also nice places, on the rural side. I love Fla,  I would never move back North, it is hot as heck in June-Sept, but  I hated snow and cold for months on end.

Melody I think your right PINK is all together the wrong color, and I do thank my friends for their gifts and try as much as I can to overlook the STUPID remarks or questions -  they just don't know.

I had lunch today with a very close family friend and she nicely informed me that she and her husband will be over to see me at the hospital the night of my surgery - I kindly said "oh you don't have to do that" (I was thinking are you nuts) - but she said oh you know we will be worried sick until we see you for ourselves.  I just dropped it,  her husband and mine have been friends since they were 4 -  we spend lots of time together and they really are special and wonderful,  my honey will handle it and be sure that doesn't happen.  Strannge how anyone might think I will want to visit after a major surgery,  I am not going to be showing my boobless chest to anyone -  I need my time to take the changes all in - UGH!!!! Just keep saying people mean well.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. 

portiasproudmom

Sheesh!  What would make them think that you want visitors after your surgery??  I know that people mean well, but they really need to put themselves in your shoes and think how they would feel.  I'm sure they'd realize that you won't be in the mood to socialize or show off your battle scars!  I guess we just need to be patient and realize that people can't understand what we've gone through unless they've been through it themselves.  I certainly had no clue before I was diagnosed.

Hang in there, Cathi!

Love and hugs,

Karen

1Cathi

Thanks Karen,

My hubby will gently and kindly take care of that, I mean I have even told my daughter not to come to the hospital (she was a bit miffed and surprised) I guess people just think/believe they must do something. Then I think too maybe I have just become a bit more sensative to certain things, I am not planning on showing off the flat chest to anyone except the Dr's , the hubby (and that could be a good long while) and a fitter for prosthesis,  so if they come expecting to see something except a drugged up and proably crying fool for a day -  they will be sorry.

Oh well, such is life.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Anonymous

I did have some hospital visitors...a friend who is a survivor, and part of my support system stopped by the next day for a few minutes on her lunch break, another who is a nurse brought my kids for a short visit so my husband wouldn't have to leave to go home and get them and then leave again to bring them back home.  I did feel up to seeing people.  I especially knew that it was important that my kids see that I was really alright for their peace of mind, and knowing that they were reassured helped me too. 

Seeing people face to face was actually easier than phone calls.  Holding the phone up to my ear for more than a minute or two hurt my arm and pulled.

You know which visitors will help you get better quicker, and which will not.  It's good to have a husband (or other person who can be gentle but firm) to serve as the gatekeeper for visitors and phone calls both in the hospital, and once you get home as well.

my3girls

Hi sisters.

At work today...leaving for Denni's place tonight, then we go to the cabin in the morning and stay till Monday. I am looking forward to it!! I need to have a good heart to heart tonight..before tomorrow..just some things I feel the need to talk about. I don't like talking about important things and feelings over the phone.  Nothing big, just important to me.  Then it's off for a relaxing and very SEXY gettaway!! I have some "goodies" planned!! I think he will definately enjoy! haha.

Shirlann..glad you are ok! That is a scary mix up, but understandable!

Judie..big hugs to you my dear friend. I understand the ups and downs...we all do. I agree with Mel...go for the reconstruction!! I don't regret it one bit!! I think it will help you to feel better..more whole again..it did for me.

Mel...I am sorry you are having your issues.  I feel like I am in the same boat with you..and sometimes it's sinking...:(  I am here for you friend!

Val, UB and Nancy...I am definately coming to NYC on the 19th!!  The flight is wide open, going...coming back may be a little tougher....so if I would get stuck...can I sleep on someone's couch??  My flight get's to LaGuardia at 8:am.  We will have to figure our plans for the day!! I am up for whatever you ladies want to do!! Can't wait!!

I am one that does not mind the PINK.  It is one of my favorite colors...and even though it represents bc this month....I think of it as an awareness...so it doesn't bother me. I had a flight attendant fly out yesterday and she had on a pink ribbon....I thanked her for wearing it.

Cathi when is your surgery?  I understand how you feel about not wanting company afterwards.  But, we are all different. The day I had my mastectomy, 4 of my girlfriends were at the hospital right after I got out of surgery, my father, my daughter and my brother.  Actually, they came into my room soon after I arrived.  I didn't mind at all that they were there.  It was actually the opposite for me (now remember I don't have a husband). I really needed the support and it felt good having them there for me.  I don't remember allot, since I was still pretty out of it.  I just know, that I would not have wanted to be alone. My one g/f stood next to me and rubbed my hand..just having that sweet gesture, made me feel so much better about what just happened.  Don't worry about anyone seeing your flat chest.  It doesn't look flat. They have it bandaged up so that you actually have a mound. I didn't look much different until days later when I had to take off the bandages.  Speaking of...have someone there to help and support you with that.  I was so afraid of what it would look like, and the emotional side to all of it, that my dear sister in law (who is a nurse) asked if I wanted her to be there...and thank God for her...it made it so much easier. She actually removed my bandages for me.  I never got a posthesis.  I used a "fluffy" for 4 months, until I got my reconstruction. I am busty D cup, and it worked just fine for me.  Are you going to have reconstruction?  Is there a reason why you aren't doing it immediately?  I am sorry if you already shared this...but I forget!

Love to all of you, Mel, Karen, Judie, AE, UB, Sue, Ulla, Kaloni, Wren, Jane..MISS YOU!, Jules, Shirlann, Nancy D, Cathi..and anyone else I may have missed.

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Thanks Lisa & Pat,

My surgery is 10/17. I am not having reconstruction, I weighed the decision very heavily, did alot of reading (here and online),  visited a PS, and decided against it because of possible complications from my rads. The PS thought my skin would be ok with expanders but of coarse no guarantees. I don't have much belly for that procedure and he was not at all confident I would be happy with those results (might be smaller than I am now @ a very small . So I will get fitted for prosthesis when healed enough.

Lisa it is like you said you know who you can and want to visit you at the start,  actually had a long talk with my daughter today (she is 28) I didn't realize she was feeling bad the past 2 years  -feeling like I keep her in the dark over all this, I guess I was thinking I was sparing her worry  NOT! She has been more worried,  the strange thing is I am so worried about my 4yr old grand daughter , we paly dress up and stuff all the time and we are so close  - what I do or have she does or has. I broke my toe -  she was limping also for a week,  I have a cold -she begins to cough.  I don't know what to say when she asks questions and she will,  I am afraid if I say ME-MA had sick boobies - she will think hers are bad, or something like that - I guess that sounds kinda weird.

When I get home from hospital, my BS has a nurse comiing in the first 2 weeks a couple times,  my husband will have no problem helping with drains, dressings etc (I just wonder if I will be able to let him for a bit), and my daughter is actually a CNA so she will also help. We are very fortunante in that Ed is in business with a partner in auto sales and his work is most flexible - and he will be a great gatekeeper, And I will want some friends around I have a most wonderful G/F (her husband have kidney CA) so we have been a great asset to each other, I can tell her things about my feelings she can relate to her husbands and she tells me things about her worries and fears I can relate to my husband. She will visit often.

I am confident and at peace with my decisions - but I will admit scared to death and sad at times, and I anticipate as the day draws nearer I will experience more emotion.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

honeygirl

Aww Cathi , hugs to you sweetie. We all can relate to how you are feeling right now. It is such a roller coster ride. Just when you start thinking "things will work out , I can do this", and then you wake up hoping its all a bad dream. It does suck , and it won't be easy , but it sounds like you have a fantastic support group at home , and of course you have all of us! And it sounds like you are a "glass half full " kinda person. That really helps. Not that you should or would think all is fine and beautiful , but when something makes you laugh , laugh! I have always thought when I had my mastectomy , they removed my cancer and I am cancer free. And I plan on living that way until otherwise told. I tell my son everything. Well , not leterally , not "girlfriend stuff".lol But anything serious. I feel he should know things like that. Then its not some surprise or that he would hear something from someone else. I know it would upset me if my mom had something happen with her and she didn't tell me. Which she just tried to do! But my sister tells me everything cause she knows how I feel. My mom of course thinks I am under enough stress and doesn't want to cause more. I love her to death , and will always worry , just like she would. I'm sure your daughter will be a big help to you. Hugs , hope you are having a good weekend , despite all. Melody

1Cathi

Thanks Melody,

I have a great support system  -  my husband is the most, bestest, greatest biggest friend I have, I could never do this without him.  And even the friend I sometimes get upset with are awesome and would always be there for either of us at the drop of a hat.  People are kind and thoughtful, they just get confused and scared and don't know what to do or say -have to remind myself ogf that sometimes.

I am doing well right now with all of this, I am a glass half full person (90% of the time) , I am expecting I will most likely be a wreck about  2 or  3 days before and the first time I see myself,  but yes my thoughts to are "get rid of the cancer" .

I hope I don't offend anyone  -but joking with my husband I told him I was going to have the nipples made into ear plugs for him for xmas, and also told him when he's feeling frisky and I am not I can just toss him a boob or two and he can enjoy all he wants.  He says I'm crazy.

We are throwing our annual  Halloween party early this year next week end,  I plan on REALLY ENJOYING myself -  perhaps a "GOING AWAY PARTY  to BC as well.

Again thanks for your kind thoughts Melody,  I will proably be bothering you all quite a bit over the next couple weeks.

XOXOXOXOXOX

md_mouse

Cathi - when my mother was dianosed with BC she did not tell me about it until the night before her surgery.  She didn't want me at the hospital during her surgery as I live on the opposite coast.  My sister (who knew of her diagnosis 2 months before) had already told me so I was not as shocked when my mom called and told me.  When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my sister again told me about it but this time my mom also told me as I knew she had been going to the doctors and had been ill.

We worry about our parents/syblings as we can tell when something is not right.  When I was diagnosed with BC I immediately called my sister and told her.  I have kept her informed of everything - dx, tx, genetic testing, etc.  I do this so she can inform her doctors of family medical history.  She has been a wonderful support even though she lives far away.

I have been on both sides of the equation and I am grateful to those who know about my BC.  They know when I need them and when I need space as I am able to articulate my needs.

I am now being a support system to my boss who was diagnosed with IBC.  She tells me her fears and asks lots of questions.  I am happy that I can be there for her.  None of us wanted this but if I can be of help/support to a fellow sister, I will be.

 Nancy - WOO HOO on your last rads treatment.  Have a nice glass of wine to celebrate

Sue - did u ever receive the pin I sent you?

AE & UB - the next time I am in the NYC area I will have to send you and Nancy a PM and maybe we can meet up.

Fumi - Big Hugs to you.  Love your pictures and I am looking forward to your latest pics.  So sorry about the end of your trip.  We are here for you

HUGS to all that I have not mentioned.  So many posts I can't keep up.

mouse

nowheregirl

Surprisingly I am still alive.

                 

I am finally starting to feel normal but not sure
if that's because I'm lucky or unlucky.
My heart is still bleeding, the hurt and nightmare
I had when I was with Scotty are still real and raw
but literally I haven't had much time thinking about
what I didn't want to.

               

Work here is crazy.
I haven't been able to get home any earlier than
11pm since I was back from holiday.
Some days I even had to survive without getting a lunch break.
Apparently all my customers had decided to wait for me
and not looked for anyone else to take care of their needs
so as soon as I was back, they started offering me tons of jobs.
Mind you, it's not supposed to be a busy season for me by any means
and the real busiest season is almost around the corner.
It should start from the mid of November and last till the end of April.
I wonder how busy it will be because I have been already too busy!

            

As for the relationship between me and Scotty,
we decided to remain friends when we were together
so we have been talking in emails just like we used to do
before we met in person.
It does look as if nothing happened;
the only difference is that now I clearly know where I should stand.
Of course it is hard, super hard I would say.
But I just couldn't stand the thought that I would never ever
be able to talk to him so I chose to stay friends.
Would you blame me for that?
Well, deep down I know I am deceiving myself
and that's probably why I have been having sad dreams
for the last several days.
But what else could I have done?

             

One day I feel normal and just too busy
and the next I get down in dumps.
I don't even know if I will ever be able to smile
from the bottom of my heart.
But life goes on, no matter where you are.

           

Thanks for being concerned, my dear family.

           

xo
Fumi

Anonymous

Hugs from one as confused and betrayed as you. We can understand each other, but that helps only on the intellectual level. I'm so sorry.

I just saw this eloquent statement in a post by daisyhope on another thread:

 "It feels like a mad person put all my emotions into a blender and and any given moment might press "frappe", or "crush ice", "or blend".   I never know from one moment to the next how I will feel and I just try to bite my lip so I don't make a fool of myself in front of people. "

Be gentle with yourself. You do much good in this world. Rewards sometimes take an eternity.

1Cathi

Dear Fumi and Judie,

I wish we all could feel happy everyday forever, I have to admit I am right here with you ladies tonite,  I can't stop thinking and crying,  the whole blender thing sure fits. I am so sad and I hate all of this.  I thought I was ok, but I guess I am not. Why can't we just be healthy and happy.