please help

geebung

Hi everyone,  I just finished reading your posts and, as usual, you are such an entertaining, interesting bunch!

Thanks Judie and Nancy for the info on the vacation dates. Nancy - your wig sounds so pretty - must be a good one if your friend picked it out too! I'm sending you my best thoughts and wishes. 

Judie - Isn't it frustrating when you put a lot of effort into writing something and it disappears! It's hard to duplicate because you were probably writing 'in the zone' and sometimes you just can't get back into it... but I loved your post anyway! I heartily approve of your son having the insight to mature before having a child. I wish more people would take parenthood that seriously. He is sure to be a great dad.

As part of the course I am studying, I have to attend 15 hours of a variety of community service activities. It's the launch of youth week here and it kicked off with rock concert this morning. I took my ear plugs and had had a great time. (Sooo glad I took the ear plugs - it was LOUD!) I was really worried about one young singer - he was screeching! When he announced the next 'song' he could barely croak! Some of the bands were very good though - especially if you stood some distance away! Don't I sound old?! 

Karen, I am willing the rads to be over soon for you. Do you have someone to drive you there if you start to get really, really tired? I will pray for sunshine - you need it for your body and soul - and so do your poor fuschias!

So good to hear from you Ulla. I'm praying for sunshine for you too - in many ways! And that goes for everyone else here.

Melody - what a beautiful picture of the dove. Thank you.

Lisa, I hope the housing market becomes more favorable for you. Can a condo be small? When we drove through the Rocky Mountains in 1986, the condos seemed huge! I guess I came to associate condos with luxury holiday homes but that probably isn't quite right. Interest rates and rents are soaring here and so many people are struggling to make their payments. It is causing a lot of financial and social problems. 

Well, Sunday is dawning for you guys on the other side of the planet. Sue, I hope you have a great day - resting and enjoying your dear boys. Hope you can feel my good wishes to you.

Lots of love to you all, as well as Wren, AE & UB, Jule, Sheila, Angie, Valsul, Lucy, Shirlann, Mia, Cyndy, Lucy...and anyone I've forgotten to mention.

Jane xxxxx 

sueps

Hello Sisters xxx

I hope your Sunday is bright xxx

I have not recovered at all well this last tx ...I am so fatigued and in another land .... I wonder if my blood counts are low... I can not imagine doing it all on Tuesday  xxx

Also I have a lot of pain in my chest wall and all over that area.I had my op 5 months ago...I have been lifting cases of bottled drink and gas cylinders and deliveries a lot this week ...do you think I have strained or maybe it is more sinister...I am worried cos I generally feel EXHAUSTED!!

I am making the boys a nice lemon meringue pie in a while...lets hope I can stay awake !!! LOL

Melody the above picture is so beautiful xxxx

geebung

Sue - it's bound to be your lymph. Lifting really makes it rush to the areas that are being strained and you use your chest muscles when you lift heavy things like that. No wonder you are exhausted - you are coming to the end of an extremely grueling series of treatments and you are working harder than most people who are in full health... Tell your doctors about it of course as you should always do when you have health concerns but, my goodness - I just don't know how you keep going!

They will test your blood before they do the tx, won't they? If your counts are down I would think that they probably won't go ahead with the tx...I wish you could get a lovely soothing massage and get a compression sleeve - and probably a compression vest as well. I know, I know, it's just one more thing to do and you are so busy. I just wish that I could lift some of your burdens. You are such a trooper!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Jane xoxox 

sueps

Jane...you are such a great comfort to me ...I really appreciate our bond xxx  They will test my blood and I will tell ONKY how I feel .... I know I have lifted way too much this week....but I just can't stop working.... I just love my job and I love to be methodical...so i guess theres no stopping...but from now I will STOP RIGHT THERE DA DA DA DA DA  ...(I think I almost burst into a spice girl song ...LOL)

....Seriously though I will listen to my body from now on...REALLY LISTEN ....and take a few steps back at work. When the millionare Dreary Deidre takes over I am asking for an asst manager...cos we sure do need one....I have to do a ten hour shift tomorrow .... because there is no one else to discipline droopy drawers ...god hes a right slacker...and more .... MAKES ME MAD hahahaha ...

Well I am going to play a game of scrabble on face book .... and then make the lemon meringue...I hate lemon but I love love love Lemon Merigue Pie xxxx

Much Love to you ALL xxx

geebung

Sue, I hope Droopy D says yes to a asst manager and I hope you can choose who it is and you get somebody as dedicated as you are! Then maybe you will get the support you need.

Yum! Lemon merigue pie! Enjoy it!

Must go to bed. It's late Sunday night here.

 Hugs,

J 

honeygirl

Hi Sue! Yummy , the pie sounds scrumptious. I'm sure you're boys and o/h will love it. I think you just over did it at work Sue. I remember how I felt at work when I was doing chemo. I had to have someone help with the lifting. I just couldn't do it. As Jane said , you really are a trooper! Have fun playing scrabble.xxxx Mel

livesstrong

HELLOOOOOOO Everyone!!!  Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday!!!!

Not much going on around here - UB is sleeping - he was up at 4 this morning - thank you steroids!!! NOT!!!!

Sue - listen lady, STOP working so hard!!!  You need to slow down!!  I am sure you pain is from all that lifting.  Please take care of YOU - OK??

Nancy - glad to hear you liked your wig - have you tried checking out a Look Good/Feel Good session?  It's sponsored by the ACS.  They have woman there that show you had to wear your makeup & wig and give tons of high end makeup away FREE!!  its definitely worth going to - and you can bring a friend.

Karen - sorry I can't help you - I really had an easy time with rad's, except for the fatigue.

Judy - I so love your posts - you have such a way with words.

Jane - I'm still waiting for pic's of the new place!!

Mel - how is the weather there???  Yesterday was nice and sunny here - today it feels like winter !!!!

bbl, have a great day!!

AE 

Shirlann

Hi Sweet ladies!

We are heading for Devil's Island, remember, Papillon, we can't really go there, but they will point it out to us.  haha

I have gained 2 stone, er, 19 pounds?  Anyway, I wisely have expandable pants.

Ulla, sweetie, I am so glad you are better.  You were so missed.  We all love you.

Sue bug, of course you have strained something.  But I understand the need for working.  I would have gone nuts without my job.  I think too much. 

Remember, too, there are a group of nerves in the center of your chest.  They are active in times of stress.  Often people feel like they are having a heart attack.  This is a possibility.  But I suspect it is just a lot of working with your arms.  It will heal, the job keeps you sane.

Well, tomorrow we make our first port of call in Brazil, the lead story on CNN is a Dengue Fever epidemic in Rio!   ACKKKKK, hopefully, just there.

I miss you all and I miss Cleo and Dusty terribly.  I hope they are okay.  They are used to Walt and me being home all the time.  Did I tell you all that Cleo, 3 times, in the morning, has done something no one will believe.  She sleeps on her pillow, just over my head.  I was awake, but I had my eyes closed.  I felt this soft little velvety foot gently reach down and pull my eye open.  I was astonished.  She had done this 3 times.  Like a soft butterfly touch, she wanted me to wake up.

I miss those fur babies so much.

Love to all you dear ones, my sisters, Shirlann   

NancyD

Hi ladies,

The weather turned dreary this afternoon, so I'm indoors for a while. But yesterday I was out and about most of the day.

Val, I would go to one of those sessions if only for the free make-up...which I don't need :-) My bathroom is overflowing with make-up. I'm a real nut...something new comes out, I have to try it. I experimented with colors as soon as I got home yesterday, and came up with a new blush (actually an old one I bought a few months ago that turned out to not be right with my then haircolor but is now perfect), and today I added a little more shadow to my eyes and some lipstick. I love to play with make-up so it was not a hard step to take. But from what I heard about the Look Good/Feel Good demonstration a friend went to, I could probably do a better job. Hey, maybe that's what I should do! Gotta look into that.

Sue, it definitely sounds like you have overtaxed yourself. No one else has such a physcially demanding job. I can't imagine going through chemo AND doing all that you are doing without much help. Your boys should be pampering you when you get home...why not take this opportunity to teach THEM how to make a lemon meringue pie. Maybe you'll have a budding pastry chef! My daughter loves to bake (she's 16), and as long as she cleans up, I let her have the kitchen any afternoon she wants to go at it. As long as it's a mix, things go well, but so far, not many of her "from scratch" recipes have been very successful. She tries to improvise or substitute for things that really can't be substituted. But she's learning!

Shirlann...love that we can get reports from the sea. That's so cool. I'm putting everything I can from this breast cancer on my Amex card (prescriptions, copays, hospital bills) in the hope that I will add enough Membership Miles for a cruise. Might as well make this work in my favor SOMEHOW.

Hugs to everyone enjoying the weekend. 

Nancy 

sueps

Dear Sisters xxx

HELP ...

Remember when I had chemo two times ago and I ended up in hospital...well it is day 19 since I had chemo...and I am sooooo tired like my counts are really low...got worse 2 days ago...and now I have that extremely sore bleeding tongue and nose.

Now I wont phone the hospital as I only have a day before I go...BUT....why am I having all the big side effects so long since my last tx instead of ten days after..did any of you happen on this...it is really worrying me!!!

What has happened for such a delayed reaction...and this is the second time my counts feel really low since thye tx ...as if they have dipped again....

I am very ill xxx

livesstrong

Sue - what difference does it make if you only have 2 days before your next tx - call the hotline!!!  Just see what they have to say. PLEASE!!!

UB has asked me the same ? about his se.   Seems they have been hitting  farther away from his treatment as well.   I have no answers, except maybe because your counts ARE low its causing the bleeding.

AE 

honeygirl

((((((((Sue))))))))) I agree with AE , I think you're counts are so low its causing the bleeding , but we are not professionals so get on the phone and ask them. Thats what they are there for. I know ses' are cumulative , so the closer to the end of tx the worse it may be. xxxx Mel

NancyD

Yes, Sue, call the hospital. Two days matter...you could be seriously ill now and two days of treatment for low WBC could save your life. Please let them know all your se's. Don't hold back! Let them know how tired you are...how sore and bleeding your mouth is.

No se is fun, but some are more dangerous than others, and yours sound like they're reached the intervention-needed stage.

geebung

 I agree with everyone. Sue - your blood count is crucial and I don't like the sound of the bleeding and exhaustion. Don't feel that you are putting anyone to inconvenience - it's your body and you have a right to the appropriate treatment to get well. We all love you and are worried about you. Please ring your medical people and tell them about your s/es. You probably need help now - not on Tuesday!

Love to you and everyone else,

Jane xxxxx 

livesstrong

Well no word back from our Sue, I sure hope she called the hotline!!

AE 

Wren

Sue,

I'm thinking of you and hoping you got some advice/treatment.

Shirlann, your trip just sounds so wonderful. I can't wait to see photos. I am sure your pets will be OK but happy to see you when you return.

Nancy, I'm like you with makeup--I have so much fun playing with it, and I have way more than I need, but I love new colors and stuff.

My exchange surgery is scheduled for June 11th--so I'm counting the weeks now... It will be great to be able to sleep on my side or stomach again.

I think of you all each day and hope that you are all doing well.

Hugs!

portiasproudmom

Wren!  We haven't heard from you in a while.  How have you been?  You must be so excited that your exchange surgery is only a couple of months away.  That's the last step for you, isn't it?  I'm praying that you'll be thrilled with the results!

Sue, sweetie, I hope you called the hotline.  I'm just like you--I wait and wait because I don't want to be a bother or seem like a whiner.  I've been scolded by both my onc and family members for that.  Please check in tomorrow to let us know how you're doing.

Nancy, I'm a make-up freak too.  I have way more than I can ever use up in my lifetime and I keep adding to it.  My daughter is even crazier about it than I am.  She came to my "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop and volunteered to be the wig/scarf model.  It was fun.  You're right though, the lady who taught it really didn't seem like an expert in the make-up department.  My daughter could have probably done a better job teaching that part of it.  You should look into doing that, if it sounds like something you'd enjoy doing. 

AE, Jane, and Mel--so good to hear from you all.  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Shirlann, thank you for checking in while on your exciting, exotic vacation.  I'm so envious!  Have a wonderful time in Brazil and take tons of pictures to share with us when you get back!  Be safe--we love you!!!!!!

Love and hugs to everyone!

Karen

Anonymous

dear sue and ladies who have posted to her:

i am deeply moved by the encouragement you have givin sue and sue i am so proud of you for reaching out and at least typing up your thoughts, anger, scaredness, and honesty.  reading this thread shows me so much.  please sue, always remember what u said yourself  "I am still happy go lucky and strong.....that is my core ...not the stress"  I was diagnosed with stage 4 @ 30yrs old, and have a big family history.  u r not alone...and its 2008...u can end this family curse...you can bie there for your boys....and u will u will see like i have learned...i am much stonger than i ever knew.  U will see..... i promise u.

wishing u peace of mind -

ps) how amazing to read this from the top....and see how u all really were there for sue....great job....u r all so stong and i am so proud.

NancyD

While we're waiting to hear positive news from Sue, here's a funny make-up story.

My son (now 22) was very intrigued with monster movies when he was young, and his interest was mainly on how they did the make-up for the scars, bloody cuts, hairy beasts...all the gore and ugly stuff. His father is also a monster movie buff, so he decided to buy him some professional theatrical make-up and his own make-up box for Christmas one year.

It was my son's favorite gift. He would spend hours sitting at a little table with my big make-up mirror applying bloody scars to himself, or a moustache and sideburns. Imagine coming home from work to find your six year old playing dead in the living room with a gaping wound on his forehead. Then jumping up and laughing when the expected effect (a screaming mother) was realized.

Well, the theatrical make-up ran out, and as it was kind of expensive, we didn't replace it. But my son found that he could substitute some of my regular make-up and it worked almost as well. I had to hunt down my eyeliner, lipstick (especially anything bright red), and foundation in my son's room for years! 

Now I have the same problem with my daughter (except she's not interested in making herself look like a monster), but that was to be expected. :-)

my3girls

Sue....I sure hope you called that hotline and got some help.  I am soooo sorry you are having these horrible s/e so long after your last tx.  I'll say a prayer for you as you go into your next tx.  Love you honey!!  By the way..how was your lemon merague pie? I have a doc appt with my oc...she is checking in on me since I went on the anti-dep.  I feel good, however, my headaches started back yesterday.  But they are nowhere like what they were.  I was very tired yesterday..and I didn't eat much. I think they come on when I don't eat enough.  Anyhow...feeling a little better today.  Just hate, when I feel so lazy. Love to all of you.....have a great day. I need to get myself ready to get out of here. By the way..Jane...condo's here can be all sizes...some are huge..and some are small.  I really won't need anything more than a 2 or 3 bedroom..2 bath.  I know what I want...just when the time comes, if I can find it!! Also..condo's here..usually have a maintenance fee..so I wouldn't have to worry about mowing shoveling etc...which will be nice...esp. once Olivia is gone.  My house is just too much right now. Big yard..4 bdrms, 3 bathrooms...too, too much for 2 of us. Take care... xoxo Lisa

Anonymous

Ulla, It's so good to see you when you have the energy. I hope it returns soon! I've probably asked before, but can't remember...where in Sweden are you? My ancestors came from the Gästrikland, Hälsingland, and Småland provinces. I've always wanted to visit those places.

Oh, Jane! I can just see you and your ear plugs at the rock concert. It sounds like soooo much fun. I love live performances of any kind, especially outdoor festivals featuring new artists.

Sue, please let us know how you are. Your se severity is worrisome. How did the pie turn out? I LOVE lemon meringue pie. Have you ever made Key Lime pie? Not the fake stuff, but the real thing. It's tart and exquisite!

I adore Scrabble, but no one will play with me. I seem to have all the luck getting just the right letters and opportunities to win nearly every time. I have no good luck in any other game, in fact, I rarely win.

AE, do you think the Look Good/Feel Good people could help a woman who still has hair and never, ever wears makeup? It might be fun to see what I look like all dolled up. Karen, do you think your daughter could volunteer? I wouldn't want my first time to be with a non-expert.

Shirlann, thanks for the travelogue! 19 pounds? You gotta be kiddin' me! Ah, but cruise food would make it worthwhile I hear.

Little Cleo sounds adorable and very smart. I truly understand why you miss your "kids" so much. I miss mine constantly. When I left, I could only take Agnes (of God) the Cat. I love her, but grieve for the others.

Keep the stories coming!

Nancy, I know what you mean about your daughter. My 15-year-old granddaughter is spending a few days with me to help out. For me, help out means taking care of Connor and helping with cleaning. For her, it means cooking. She loves to cook. We've reached a compromise...some of my kind of helping, some of hers. We are having fun.

I love the story about your son. How lucky he is to have parents who encourage a child's passion/creativity. Is he still interested in theater makeup or other aspects of theater?

Wren! So good to hear from you. I've missed you. How exciting to have your replacement surgery scheduled. It's been a long road, yellow bricks or no.

Lisa, feed yourself! I don't like you having headaches. Lazy is ok though. You've earned it my dear!

Wow...four bedrooms and three baths for two. Yes, it's time to downsize. A condo is especially appealing because of no outside maintenance. There comes a time when working in the yard isn't fun anymore.

I took a 2-week vacation from Arimidex and see my onc on Wed to discuss things. The pain se combined with my already chronic pain from sarcoidosis is becoming draining. My primary doc started me on a fentanyl patch...very low dose...to take enough pain away that I can ignore it and get on with the rest of my life.

Wordy today...oh, well. I have to take advantage of energy when it comes. Good Monday to all...waiting for news everyone!

Judie 

lvtwoqlt

Just checking in, sorry to hear Sue was having se's from her treatment again, Hope you check in soon to let us know what is going on.

Lisa, I am one for small houses. I bought my small house when my son was 6 yrs old, 700 heated square feet, 2 bedrooms 1 bath, and closed in back porch. Sometimes I would like a bigger house - no room to store anything -  but glad because it is small - not a lot of cleaning involved. Because my hubby is on the road all week long, I have hired my yard work out to a friend of my son for a $30 box of Angel Food a month. It is a way to help him keep food on his table and get my yard work done.

I will give my dog story now. Penelope is the love of my life except for the months of April, May, and June. She is shedding. It takes almost 3 months for her to stop shedding. She can scratch her neck with her back foot and put her foot down and there is a clump of hair! I have resorted to brushing her outside because of the 'fur flying' in the house. I vacuum daily while she is shedding. I have one of the bagless vacuums and in my small living room I have to empty the dust cup at least 2 times because of all the hair she shedds. I brushed her yesterday and filled a small trash can with the fur, and it still comes off. After I brushed her she wanted her side rubbed and I had another handful of hair. I need to take her to the dog washer to get rid of a lot of hair but that only lasts about a week. I'm off my dog shedding rant now.

Sheila

sueps

Dear Sisters ...c'est moi!!!

Oh my .... you are all going to be crazy mad with me...I fell asleep in my toast last night that my o/h made...my head dropped off in me plate ...and the sleep is driving me bananas...sleepy is an understatement....so I fell asleep and this morning...you guessed I trollied off to work ...   you see ...I needed to ...trust me I'm a doctor ...lol... not ...just a saying ....

 I have a  plan ...I did a shed load of stuff today ...because I haved decided on Weds ...the day after tx I am goin to phone in sick ...cos I am always sick then and have always worked...so my plan is to take TUES WEDS AND THURS OFF.... but today was hard and I had to do ten hours and discipline a waste of skin lad that drives me NUTS with his work and his urggggggggghhh godamn attitude .....

So I am home now....my o/h is at work ....I will be off for a bath shortly after I have done a million other things....

Sisters ...everyone ...do you think I will die (  it is praying on my head ...it is infiltrating me and breaking me up ...my heart is cut to shreds .... I can't leave the boys...they will scream and cry and be really sad.... I picture them at my funeral... and yearn to reach out to them in my haze ...but I cant and then we are all sad eternally and I get so sad ...  help .... inner thoughts innner thoughts driving me to work like mad and run run run run ....never stop ....running and working and living off adrenalin ... until I end up depleted...

bootface I feel no anger just dis freakin belief...trust me I'm a doctor

big unbearable sadness .... apart from that I am HAPPY...how can I be happy n sad at the same time!!!!! UNBELIEVBLE

Thankyou to each one of you for EVERYTHING... you are all always and forever with me..... I carry you all everywhere .... and think of you so much... everyone of you has a piece of me xxx

sueps

By the way the lemon merigue was drop dead gorgeous xxx

Judie ...sign up to face book and we can play scrabble any time...a quick game or one that lasts a few days xxx it keeps my unkempt brain in order ...almost!!!! I love it !!!

Sheila ...Penelope is an adorable human like girl xxx I love you telling us of her xxx

sueps

God I wish I didnt think so deeply....ermmm I was going to say something important but I forgot ...and its only important cos I forgot ....think oh yeah ..... I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DONT WANT TO GO THE CHEMICAL FACTORY TOMORROW

cos BOOTFACE YOU MAKE ME SO FREAKING MAD I HATE YOU I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU SCREWING WITH ME YOU  ARE  A HORRIBLE DECREPID DIRTY VILE STINKING DISGUSTING UGLY SHABBY WEAK NASTY EXISTENCE ...SO GET THE FREAK OUTTA HERE AND LEAVE US ALL ALONE......  for good

AnnNYC

Sue, please call the hotline ASAP, even if your tx is supposed to be tomorrow.  Also, you MUST tell all these symptoms -- all the nosebleeds and bathroom bleeds, the dates and the frequency and the quantity -- to the nurses and onc at your clinical trial.  You are in a clinical trial -- these trials have (or SHOULD HAVE!) safety rules -- they should be going over a checklist of symptoms with you after one tx and before the next.  Also, months ago someone said "you must do your chemos because they are tailored to your situation" -- but that was before we knew you were in clinical trial.  In the trial, the treatments are tailored to the trial protocol, NOT to the individual patient.  Practically your only chance for individual tailoring will be to tell the onc and trial nurses what you are experiencing.

You are so strong.  I can't imagine lifting cases of soda NOW, a year after mastectomy, much less during chemo.

But please, call the hotline.  Maybe they can speak DIRECTLY to your onky for you?

xoxox

Ann 

livesstrong

Hi Ladies,

Just checking to see if there was any word from our Sue.  She should be home from work by now.

About houses - UB & I have lived in a 1200sq.ft townhome for 18 years.  I like it but I am so ready to move.  I have no basement or garage, just an attic and a small storage closet.   It makes it very difficult to store anything big.  I guess you can say we have outgrown the place.   True I don't have to worry about snow removal and yard maintainence but I PAY dearly for it.  I still plant my own flowers and shovel my walk (because of the dogs).  They only perk is the pool.  Having neighbors right next to you is no picnic either.  I have no backyard for the dogs, so I have to take them out on a leash everytime we go out!  And the best part is - my taxes are 4500.00 a year!!!! Sorrry, I got carried away!!! LOL.  Just something to think about Lisa!   I want nice, small, 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch with a garage and or basement.

Sorry for the rant!!  (:<)

AE

portiasproudmom

I'm with Ann, Sue.  The bleeding REALLY worrys me.  I'd feel better if you called--even if they think it's okay to wait until tomorrow to see you.  This trial they have you on is absolutely brutal!  And you've been such a trooper.  You amaze me with your strength.

Please humor us, Sue.  We only nag at you because we love you!

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

I'm with Ann, Sue.  The bleeding REALLY worrys me.  I'd feel better if you called--even if they think it's okay to wait until tomorrow to see you.  This trial they have you on is absolutely brutal!  And you've been such a trooper.  You amaze me with your strength.

Please humor us, Sue.  We only nag at you because we love you!

Love and hugs,

Karen

livesstrong

Well ladies, the verdict is in - B9!!!!!!  HOORAY!!!! PHEW!!!  One less thing to worry about!!

just thought I'd share!!! 

bbl,

AE