Fuzzy's Romp Room

dunesleeper

Oooooh! I am so aggravated!

I left a message for a return call at my doctor's office over 24 hours ago. I called yesterday and again today. She still has not called me back. I do NOT like this new PCP.

I don't know who I should call. I feel like there is something very wrong. Everything sounds tinny. I'm extremely sensitive to sound. And I feel nauseous. I think it is getting worse. Damn this bitch. Damn her to hell!!!!

duckyb1

Dune....call, again, if she left and the service is answering. Tell them it is an emergency, but not sure if you can goto the ER because of your insurance, and you have to talk to her, and also how many times you already have called......if it continues, go to the ER, and make sure it is nothing bad....then on Monday report her to your insurance and demand an immediate change...always remember, those friggin Dr's put their undies on the same way we do.....one leg at a time......unload her.........unless the fault is with her office staff......

Anonymous

I'm going backward from Dunbes to wehre I last posted.

Dunes - I haven't noted the aniversary anxiety, may have had it, must be like the anniversary of the death of a loved one.  A year w/o recurrence is a long time in bc speak.  A year w/o sugar is a long time too.  Congratulations to you on both counts.  Did you get the spring weather there yet.  We had 38, 47 then 36 in last 3 days, coming your way.  Going to take Danny Boy for his walk in awhile.  When not too cold I will walk w him awhile each time.  Did yesterday by lake and felt so good but I need to rebuild my stamina for sure.

GG - I know about the time to catch up, I would go for weeks and then read as much as I could, it is a lot to take in.  So are you builind a to do list or a bucket list?  When I first read opposum wrangling, I imagined you on the Wildman!  He had an episode, only one I think I ever watched, had to get some opposums out of the high levels of an old barn.  Just pictured you outsmarting them opposums and The Wildman too.  DSIL - I have one I too want to ckick the pure-tee-livin'-shit out of.  DD still will not tell me what he has done to get off her list as even existing except as GGD's dad, it had to be mean and dirty.  She did say, when I said to her one day this too shall pass, she said, with him, it never will, never, it will never pass.  Even divorced, it will never be over.  I can empathize, like my stepdad, the crap never ended.  Divorce or not, it is never over, related for life if there are children.  I will ask her when I can see here face so get a feel for what he has done.

Sassy - what Linda said - no judgements ever from us.  You will know what you want.  I do kind of like the one idea from a page back about taking a few weeks off to just see how you feel, what you really want and need, then coming back on your own terms of what you know you want.  If you feel you need that, of course, it is an idea and not a lock in.  Just this morning I wished like heck for two weeks off, alone on this ridge in the middle of nowhere with my Newfie and my skunk.  Alone except for finding my center........ momento

Cool - right now ten+ wild turkeys in the back yard.  Femals have pale blue faces.  Males have the tom chest feathers.  A lot of males in this small village.

..........anyway Sassy, I have been married for 32+ years.  A dozen times I almost left.  Once his bags were on porch.  I lived in PA and he lived here for 1 1/2 years, it was not a planned separation but ended up that way due to the job he was going to PA to 'fell through' and I was already it there in out newly purchased home on the mountain, alone with DD and 3 cats, 2 dogs.  I got to like it a lot, alone.  Was going to stay and divorce him but I broke my back and had to come back here for support and survival.  I fell in love w him again 6 mo later when he was burping a baby skunk kit.  Damn, right?! 

Will do rest later.  WAllk time.

Essa

I cannot recall when I went to potty, this sucks.  Have to go before the dog's walk even IF I just did 5 min ago.

Chevyboy

Essa.... that is so true!  there is some sort of bond that holds us together....  I can look at him when he is eating, and see how he holds his fork, and my heart just drops... 

But for a few months there I was ready to give it all up!  I hated my life... I hated everything.  I filed for divorce twice.  I just broke.  

But then, like you say,  we "got it back."   I loved that you fell in love with him "again".... Me too.... we are so very fortunate.

dunesleeper

Sorry about my rant. She finally called back. Of course, by then the office was closed. I went to the after-hours office. That doctor said I have fluid in my ear and that I have hyperacusis. She gave me a prescription for a steroid drug, which I dropped off to be filled. They can't fill it tonight. On Monday I will call for an appointment with an ear nose throat doc. At least it isn't a brain tumor. That was really starting to freak me out.

ridergirl

Dunes so glad you got an answer.....and that is good news.  Hope you can enjoy the weekend now.

dunesleeper

Thanks Rider. I hope you enjoy your weekend too.

I awoke to my furnace blowing cold air. Oh joy. Fortunately, I was able to relight the pilot. Let's hope it stays lit. My furnace likes to do this pretty much every year. It ends up being the thermal coupler. Fortunately, my neighbor will replace for me. With birds, it can be quite a worry. It's not like my birds are RAVENS or anything. LOL

Gawd, speaking of which: I heard there is some talk of making the Raven the state bird of Maryland. I hope that is BS, not that it really matters. Our bird is the Oriole. My bird is the cockatiel, so WTF. LOL.

Anonymous

Dunes, aka Dunbe from above, sorry, as you can see my keyboard sucks.  Just changed batteries and cleaned it but still......

So Dunes b4 I knew I was dealing w cancer, when there were massive memory issues coming and going, I had an ear infection I did not know I had.  I was set to spinning until, if I did not vomit, I did not recover.  No ear pain.  Thought it was brain cancer I suppose.  Esp after the ear txs from MD did not work.  Then my NP gave me the right stuff and I recovered.  I was so dizzy for months I did not drive then either.  I wrote a story on it.....

Inner ear infection, bad hair days, vomit and skunk litter pans

Chevyboy, I believe love is forever whether people can stay together or not... falling in love comes and goes, sometimes several times.  I also believe love is not enough.  And a lot of other glum stuff.  gin..... so, grin, really.  The bond, we had a really hard beginning in marriage but he chose to love me and I learned to let myself feel love.  One day on a drive for errands, I was hugged to his side in the tuck as he drove, he loved for me to sit beside him, now we have only two seats in front, anyway he said to me... "Where were you?" like we were supposed to find one another before we did.  He has been my BITA (pain in the arse) he has been like living w a 10-yr old freaky brother, he has been like living with my got your back through it all friend and more. Like I said, I am here in this one to learn patience and a lot more.  Of course, every relationship is for a reason, not just our pleasure I think. 

The skunk thing, he really was holding on his shoulder a baby skunk kit we were rehabbing.  I hated him one minute and looked at him burping this skunk that drank too much dinner and loving this skunk as much as I did (we got to keep the skunk, btw, w a DNR permit) and I fell for this guy again.  Like you said you did.  

Melatonin - what Dunes said.  I take an rx of 3 mg.  My naturopathic dr said it is good.  Then the natural endocrinologist did and gave me more verbal info, I found my notes.  I am not afraid of it.  There are several great articles in google search "melatonin for breast cancer" and this is one sentence... "Researchers conclude melatonin could exert its antitumoral effects on hormone dependent mammary tumors by inhibiting the aromatase activity of the tumoral tissues."  Same article, melatonin decreases estrogen and progesterone levels.  NaturalNews.  SEs, contraindications and such included.

GG - the brain thing - I will know more Monday, results of latest PT scan to see what is where or better yet, is not where.  Last test, two lymph nodes in axilla but nothing in breast where positive margin was left.  I am still doing to many things backwards, some words, say hot when I am thinking cold and such.  I also do backwards the turning on of the stove burners, wrong one when I know better, I even look, study it and then do the wrong one and am always surprised, NOT!

Am going to do some reserch w Hubby now for the onc appt Monday.  Will on bco for personal experiences on some chemo types we discussed w the new onc who embraces alt w chemo, if needed at all might do low dose twice w Poly MVA IVs and then oral doses.  I have no idea on chemos so am glad the bco is here for research and sharing to read.  But could be nothing, like onc said, he has higher hopes than I do, really.

Will be back later.

LOVEEssa

dunesleeper

Essa, funny blog. LOL. Ewwwwwww.

Y'all should have seen Peaches as the early morning sunlight shined on his head this morning. It was so awesome. The pictures don't do it justice but do give an idea:

dogeyed

DUNES, I'm lovin that Peaches.  I especially like how he's looking thru the window.  And I'm glad it's just your ears. I ought to go, I have various ear symptoms and even tho I know being out of balance is from the cancer treatments, I still wonder.  Might be the stronger meds I take now, but they are the reason I am happy again.  And it's not just the drug high, I don't take enough to have that... only had that when my bones were destroyed by the chemo, gosh they hurt SO badly during that time, but the medicine got me to singing, that's for sure!  By the way, I'm just so proud of you taking your hikes, they are so good for us.  I keep meaning to start walking, too.

LOVEssa, the list you asked about is just a simple to-do list.  I'm too screwed in the head to attempt anything bigger than that. All it is, is our house is very messy and needs cleaning, has been for several years, so we want to get some "big" things done so no one will get the plague if they come in here.  Right now it looks like nobody lives here.

FUZZY, I really hope you get better soon.  Since my car accident, my thinking and emotions were totally negative, it was sad, really.  But once the pain got so bad in my 50s, and they gave me medicine, I realized how come I was unhappy.  It was the pain.  But pain can come from emotional destruction, too.  Then I kind of did a life review, which I've heard others do, and I as I went thru and found places where I had been mean, I tried to apologize to as many friends as I could, or I would do something nice for someone else if the real person wasn't around anymore, and in general I just plain tried to be kind and not expect so much from others. 

And FUZZ I am pretty sure I already told you about a meditation that will give you answers when you need to know why you are having a problem, but I'll recite it again.  I'd sit on the floor and stare at a shiny glass object or anything that sparkled in the windowsill and stare at it, and while I did that, I deliberately emptied everything, every thought out of my head, and once I got into the state of being still, I closed my eyes and asked "the universe" what was my problem at the moment.  Within a minute, I'd have my answer and cry a river.  And whenever during the day something would trigger some negative toughts, I knew SOMEthing was reminding me of the bad feeling, some old memory, some self-hating thing, and I'd move my thoughts forward and reject the bad shit.  And when I said to you it's good you have some pain pills becuz pain makes it almost impossible to be reasonable, drugs are really only for when you need them.  But they help SO much when pain prevents living a normal life.  Mine will be lifelong.

Gotto go get on my palomino and canter up the pink Bahama beach where I live.... now THAT'S a bucket list!  Always, Gail

sas-schatzi

Thanks,Linda,n,linda-r, chevy, essa, ducky--------all----very good insights and advice.......let's see what I do with it now. Hugs

Forget all who gave comments on Melatonin----Linda-n&essa for sure, glad for your info. Have continued on it and reduced ativan. But still take both when needed.

Dunes --peaches is a sweetie.

Have a great Sat and Sun.

thefuzzylemon

Hey hey hey!!!

Sassy...giiiiiiiiirl.....I think you've got it baaaaaaaad for DDBF. And, I think that's ok....except for the $$ part. We talked about that before but it sounds like it got thick...quickly. As someone who truly loves ya....if you give it to him, don't expect it back. Therefore, you'll think twice about giving it to him and disconnected from it if you do. That heart of yours is HUGE!!! Is it illegal to pay him for sex???? What?? It is???? Well, throw that option out....

GG sweet sister of mine....I'm going to copy That entire post and put it on my vision board. Im getting there...I am...I'm ready to move forward. Im ready to do what I love to do and had to say "piss on the untruths". I get so far away from the truths...tangled up in the shitstorm....and this time, something happened. Maybe my acceptance with the pain meds, my boredom at home, my ideas of what I love to do...all helped. Im going forward...and you're coming with me!! I will post your words...I love the window/universe/cry...you knew I would!

XOXOXOXOEVERYONEXOXOXOXO

dunesleeper

What is it you love to do Fuzzy? I know I was feeling about ready to get back to work, but it won't be doing anything I love to do. I'm sure of that. Then I went to that survivorship thing and got all this great information about a place called Hopewell, where there is all kinds of support, meditation classes, yoga classes, needlepoint time, and various arts and crafts -- all for cancer patients and their families and all for free. It's a bit of a drive, but I'm going to do it. I hope to do at least one activity a week. So now I kind of want to put the work thing off a little longer. LOL

Did you find out anything about the insurance???

dunesleeper

http://www.hopewellcancersupport.org/

That's the website for the place I mentioned in my previous post.

ridergirl

Hope everyone's having a good weekend. Lots of fresh snow out there and I really want to go out and play in it i just can't quite get there.  Supposed to start rads monday and i just don't think i can do it. can't breathe just thinking about it.  Fingers still all numb and tingly from taxol #1 and tonight my right lower leg and foot all swollen,,,what's that about??  What the hell else is going to happen to me?

Chevyboy

Dunes, are you taking Tamoxifen, or any other chemo type drug?  Just make sure you ask your PC, and your ENT if the drug could be affecting your hearing... If that prescription helps you, that is great...  but if it doesn't,  it might be something else.  Let me know, okay?  Or PM me.

dunesleeper

Rider, I know I really don't have the experience to address your concerns. However, you will get to the other side of this crap. From what I can understand from the ladies in my support group and from other ladies here, just please keep your docs updated with all these side effects from treatment. Some side effects are simply not acceptable from a medical point of view. From our point of view I bet there are a lot more that are not acceptable. Are there any complementary therapies available that you might be able to use to reduce or eliminate some of the side effects. What about yoga? If nothing else, it has you laying on the floor with your legs up a wall for extended periods of time. That could help the swelling besides providing relaxation to you and release to your back. Please don't get disouraged Rider. I know what you are going through sucks, but you can do it. I know you can. Besides we are all rooting for you.

Chevyboy

Dunes, I think we were posting at the same time.... Did you see my last post?

sas-schatzi

Memeory notes....

Fuzzy...about having it bad, the good about the trouble, money.---- Sweetie we've talked so much about details that I can't share here b/c of visibility. Yes, I have it bad for DDBF. Even with the troubles though there are positives. Each occurrence has caused me to change in the resilence of terminating the relationship when I reach that decision point. One thing I took a long time to learn in life was to listen to others who were giving me advice re: the character of another that I had placed trust in. Over time,what I learned was the advice was almost always right on mark. Hence, when I read Chevy's, Linda-n&r, Essa, Ducky, you, MH guy, friends here at home, these words are making me very vigilent and introspective. That statement , my friends, is said with deep respect for your opinions.  I tend to be way to trusting, wanting always to give the benefit of the doubt. What makes the forum here difficult is those that have fuller facts are advising a different approach. While those with incomplete facts are tending towards severing. What is definitely in the plan is to talk with my MH guy. He has EVERY detail from the beginning. Nothing held back. Obviously that's the point of private counseling. MH guy knows every important aspect of my life. My objective was to find normal (LOL). Let's say my normal. I don't believe I've ever known normal, so recognizing it has it's difficulty. My next visit with MH guy should be very interesting.

RE: the Money. Money is , but a tool. It's nicer to have it, than not. A lesson with a friend in the 70's taught me that when giving something to someone else, give it without strings attached. In that first lesson, I gave an old old oak rocker to a friend with the proviso that if she was to get rid of it, I would like it back. She gave it to_____(forget). The key was my dissapointment that she didn't give it back to me. I had to work through that one for awhile. With the money to DDBF, I balanced could I afford it, and could I sustain not being repaid. The answer to each was yes. My choice has shown that my trust was wrong. But since the impact has not hurt me other than emotionally and the"bank" is closed, I want to learn more from this. I know odd. The debt is racking up fast b/c the agreed to rent has not been paid. Retrospectively, what I learned is we didn't have the serious discusion of the parameters and limits. I've discussed this with others who have gone through a cohabitation arrangement. All were successful. It just happened that this is true, I know in the expanded world it is not true. For friends and family, they had very clear understanding of how things were going to work. I was "sloppy". Now I have too work to change something b/c it wasn't done right in the first place. So, the positive is--if I can fix it with the two of us doing the work to fix it --then good. If I can't, then I have learned what to do in a same or similar circumstance for the future which is a written document, with parameters that are adhered to unless there is an emergency.

Dunes please,read about PCIP that I wrote to Fuzzyabout. Found out about from MH guy. There is a complete web site for it. It came up b/c DDBF has not had insurance. From an insurance company point of view, he's uninsurable b/c they can't track medical problems as other insurers can through the national database. Yes, there is a national database available to insurers to track our claim payments---so much for privacy.

rider..Please ,Consider Phelbitis---s/s's swelling in one extremity, can have other signs and symptoms that include an identified reddened area that is hot and tender. Leg may hurt to stand on/ walk/at rest or all. As the phelbitis becomes more severe all s/s's increase. One sign can be a test called Homan's sign--lay flat, point toes towards your nose--if this increases pain it can be indicative of phelbitis--which is inflammation of a vein. These signs/symptoms(s/s's) can occur slowly or rapidly. An arterial blockage presents much differently (s/s left out). Arterial blockage tends to occur and progress rapidly, but in certain conditions can occur over an extended time.  The KEY is you should report these s/s's as they appear now to your doc. Recommend PCP, call through the answering service if office closed.  Please, reread Linda-n's response re: melatonin as an adjucant to your ativan for sleep. Linda's background is pharmacology as she has previously stated. I'm hoping she will add more about Melatonin as itapplies to us BC'ers. I know it changed things for me b/c Ativan was not working on it's own for me. You may be more successful with it than I. If it says anything about my Insomnia, I created the Insomnia Thread. At least I found someone to talk to when sleepless. Sleep is an unidentied treasure. To have it be so hard to accomplish, takes a rough toll on our already attacked minds and bodies. There are other sleep aids from teas to drugs. One drug that scares the bejeebers out of me, is Ambien. Many take it with success, but the weird horror stories are a worry.---Good luck----Tea---Sleepy Time by Traditional Medicinanals is very nice, if you don't want to drink it, you can just enjoy smelling it, wonderful fragrance. I'm sure Dear Essa has many great suggestions.

Chevy--you are so right about looking at drugs RE: hearing problems. Think of our dear PTDREAMERS hearing loss caused by one of her drugs. For me I have an odd one, my pre-existing loss gets worse when I take narcotic for any reason. Never had a patient in 40 years complain of that, but it happens to me every time

Ducky Your observations about drug use and drinking. Yes, regrettfully can be true. In my case, if the drinking is what DDBF is doing on these nights out, well, okay as long as he commits no crime i.e. driving, then at least he isn't doing it around me. Therefore, my work towards not drinking isn't influenced. I did realize being around people drinking gave me an excuse to drink. I found that I used it as an excuse to drink to excess. The longer I go away from that behavior, the more control I have. Really pleased, how many holiday parties,I had nothing to drink and no anxiety about wanting too. AND sitting here socializing on BCO in the past most often was with a glass of something , nowvery rare. That's a positive. MH counselor and I after evaluating my patterns agree, mine was abuse versus addiction. That's a real positive. Whereas, I am addicted to cigs.

Have a great day everyone. HUGS--sassy

Chevyboy

Yes Sas... we sent each other a PM... I was just worried about hearing loss....  My problem is in the inner ear, whereas Dunes is in the middle-ear. 

WHO'S drinking?  Is it Ducky, or me?    Is it too early for a screw-driver?  Nah, it has orange juice, right?

duckyb1

Lol, maybe that would be the answer...drinking.....lol



Rider....I had no real problems with Rads.....of course everyone is different....it will make you tired. I did not feel the exhaustion till about 2 weeks after I was finished. I had 38 treatments, and my RO called me "her poster girl" or rads......I will be 78 in April.....thought it would kick my ass, but it did not. I used aloe lotion, (make sure it is 98%aloe) and Aquaphor. Some of the ladies used Emu Oil. I did not burn badly. Your gonna be fine...I think the worst part was having to go 5days a week, and the getting up and going. I had a fantastic team working with me. You could feel the love and compassion in the room each day. It is frustrating, but you can do this.



Do this.......before you begin, go to a store that sells the $1.00 lottery tickets. Buy the exact amount of tickets, as you have treatments. Each day when you come home...scratch off a ticket and see what you win. It's fun...and I won $93.00. On the rads thread when the ladies heard about me buying the tickets, they started doing it too........also a good idea....go to a Rads thread, and make friends with the ladies who are getting their Rads while you are......good luck, tomorrow, your gonna do great.......hugs

Anonymous

Dunes - Peaches is iridescent in the sunlight.  Love the face forward pick of only his head.

Going for waffles an coffee w Hubby at coffee house by lake.  Sneaking in the maple syrup and organic raw butter.

Tomorrow I get results on PT scan.  Nervous and excited.

Speaking of ears, last night leaned over to snag skunk out of her den and almost fainted going over head first, I was hanging onto the walls.  NP just checked them but the right one never feels alright to me, though I am told they are fine today.  Steroids huh, had those 3 yrs back.  Have to find something to fix it and Hubby says maybe one of those machines to suck the fluid out - hahahahaha omg! such a funny man, he was probably serious though.

I also was showing him my upper breast where the tissue has changed since the operation, the fullness fell and there is dimpled area that is like an orange peel, he said let me see, it is not orange. 

Later LOVEEssa

dunesleeper

http://s1249.beta.photobucket.com/user/dunesleeper/library/Loch Raven Hike 021013

I think the link above will take you to my pictures from my hike today. Just in case:

crog234

Rider you will do just fine with the rads. I was a nervous wreck before I started them wondering just what was going to happen. I did get a little pink towards the end of my 6 weeks of rads. I used a calendar and marked off each day after I came home from rads. The half way point was a happy time for me as I knew I was on the downward path to finishing rads...I used Aquaphor and a a lotion with aloe in it. Will be in your pocket tomorrow.....



To everyone who is aware of what is going on with me, last Tuesday I got to try on my new leg.. I walked along the parallel bars and it felt so good to be upright. Now this Tuesday if all is ok I will get my leg. Then I see the rehab Doctor on Thursday to see what my PT schedule is going to be. I am excited and nervous about all of this but so want to be walking again.....



Anyone needing me in their pocket, count me in!!!!



SAS. I feel for you on the addiction to cigs.. I smoked for for about 34 years. I quit many times and would always start up again. One quit lasted almost 2 years and I blew it. But now I have been quit for over 5 years. With all the trouble I have had health wise I would have had to quit anyway so glad I did it when I did and didn't have to deal with quitting and health issues at the same time...



Cindy

kathindc

Dunesleeper, looks like you had a great hike!  Wonderful pictures.

dunesleeper

I'm so glad you were able to get upright again Cindy. I can't wait to read about your adventures with your new leg!!! As far as smoking: when do the urges stop for crying out loud? I am one year quit and STILL jonesing. At this point the only thing that stops me is that I can't afford them now that I'm retired. LOL, or not so LOL. I sure wish I could.

Sas, what are you talking about regarding PCIP? I'm confused.

Thanks for all the comments on Peaches. He is my baby. He doesn't stay still for pictures, and he wants to be attached to me most of the time, so it is hard to get pictures of him. I just had to snap those the other morning quickly before he flew at me.

I took my good camera on the hike today, so I got some nice pictures. If I had this camera last week, the pics would have been amazing. This week, though, there were a lot of birds around. That made for some interesting shots.

duckyb1

Rider.....make sure you get pure aloe gel. It will say the % of aloe on the bottle. Many things have aloe in them...you want pure aloe...got all the info from my techs at

rads, and many ladies I the Rads website right here. Your gonna o fine.

sas-schatzi

Cindy, UPRIGHT YAHOO.....your on your way!. Been a long couple of years. The Cigs yeah I'll regret it, but.....at least I didn't smoke when I was prego. Congrats on your long abstinence.

Rider in your pocket for rads, Cookies and milk and may be some Blue Bell ice cream!

SpecialK

crog - yay for the new leg!!!

chabba

Dune, that picture from your walk could almost have been from our front yard but our grass is greener!  We do have the geese though, and ducks.