Fuzzy's Romp Room
Comments
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Essa (((((hugs)))))
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Morning all
I come and read most days to see how everyone is. Have been struggling myself lately but my problem is rheumatoid arthritis - well I really hope that is what it is. Some days I have struggled to do very much at all which is a pity as we have had a beautiful summer though very humid which doesn't help me.
Big hugs
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(((((Essa)))))
And hugs to everyone else as well.
As spring erupts here, I have dark thoughts, wondering if this will be the last spring I see or if it will be the last spring that I am able to get out and enjoy it fully as a physically (relatively) intact person. Trying to get back to enjoying each present moment, going to take a walk should do it. -
God help us all......
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You got that right Ducky.....each and every one of us needs all the help we can get.
I pray everyday for all my sistas.
Just want to wake up from this nitemare!!!!!!!
Im sure you all feel the same way
We gotta stay strong.
love ya Grannydukes
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Linda I hear what you are saying....I felt that way about Christmas especially, wondering will it be my last. Sometimes I think that might be the worst part of this disease, the wondering. I for one would prefer it if they could actually give us an accurate 'expiry date'. At least we'd know how much time we have to fit in all the 'must-do's'. I know no one, healthy or not, knows how long they have, but it just seems like its so much more real after the cancer diagnosis.
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Granny, so good to hear from you. It has been a while. Hope your ok, and also your son. Stay close, and keep us in the loop. Hugs sweetie,....missed you.
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Today just happens to be a good day.
I wish i just had more of them.
Ya know what i mean?
1 step forward and 2 steps back...not pretty.
I get most of my strength from these thread...oh wait!!!!I get all of my strength here.I might not post like i used to but i do read everyday.
When you reach bottom the only way is to go up.
I wish that for all of us
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Please ladies, let's not think like that.....I have those days too. Many of them, but those days do us no good. We can't let cancer do this to us.....we have to fight those thoughts and ideas. If we don't cancer wins, and cancer can never win.....I know this is easier said then done, and there are days where we think.....why bother, why try, it's all for nothing....it's gonna get us anyway, but STOP.........and remember, where there is life, there is hope.....and isn't that all we have.....HOPE......I pray for all of you everyday.....we need the prayers....we need each other......we will never give up our fight....we can't.....for all those who love us, and those who we love.......hugs my dear friends......I can't do it without all of you.
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Granny - so good to see you here too. You have been missed, even though you are reading over our shoulders. Run forward, let's try it and see if it works better than walking.
Thanks for the hugs, I need them today after all, was on a thread I frequent and need and some people just don't make sense for me, I don't know why, I am scratching my head and almost crying from the frustration of trying to understand what I am missing. Hoping I am not doing that here.
Ridergirl, an expiration date. Only we get to pick the day, not them.
I so understand the wondering, the dark thoughts...... when I was at the first Christmas after dx, I was not well at all and wondering if this was my last holiday season, or the last where they were not gathered at my bedside. Then the next holiday season came and I knew I was going to be all right. Then a month later, I don't know again. Sat in sunshine on deck with Danny Boy and rocked aawhile, wondering, watching the birds.
Running forward now. EDITED TO ADD LOL and Ddducky is shoving me ahead all the way wheeeeeeeee
Good news, computer freaked out and I did know how to deal with it. That is progress. Now to figure out where I placed the good camera.
Hubby home. Frittata w spinach and goat cheese.
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Tahnks for that Ducky....I needed that.
You give me strength.
Im still realing from my sons failed surgery....im learning to accept the things i cannot change but its sooo hard.
Like i said today is a good day
went yesterday for my mammo and got the all clear after i found a lump in my other breast.it just vanished.
putting one foot in front of the other...just like the rest of us.
xoxoxo K
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My dear Granny...that is all we can do..
Essa.....rock away girlfriend......stay in the sunshine with Danny Boy, and think happy thoughts......one day at a time.
Hugs, and remember, we need each other.......so we have to be here.....we AIN'T gone anywhere.............. -
For a second there, I got SO mixed up. This page is the last page. But I thought it was the one after the ... one. So, I'm reading along, not understanding anything, and there here comes one of my old posts. Ye gads. Of course, it doesn't help that it's 6 p.m., husband just went to the store for us, and I just woke up. Yes, ladies, I don't know which way is up no mo.
LovelyEssa, my nephew when he was 17 had bone cancer, it spread to his lungs. So, they operated and took out every spot they could find, and later a couple more showed up, so they got those out, too, and finally he stopped getting them. I reckon the meds, etc., finally took hold.
Alyson, I hope you have some meds for your arthritis. My bones hurt so bad when they gave me chemo, and still do in the joints sometimes. Maybe your doc will give you a little something for your pain? Just a little walk and a hot bath help.
Lindan3, I had a little of that "this might be my last spring" one time, and as time ticked by and by, I reminded myself of one of a thousand nights of beliefs, that each of us is given a certain number of heartbeats and that's it. But just call me "big talk," becuz I'm terrible about making my doc appointments, I walk out of hospitals when I get sick of it, I "know" I'm cured. But whatever gets me onto MY day is what I do.
Fuzzy, fuzzy wuzzy, that soft side is coming shining through. I'm geting the impresion that your mother or inlaw orwhomever it is you fight with,has got to go! I say if someone can fight, they can order up a nurse and watch TV. SMILE. So, puppy Zoey sitting is on break now, eh? But ya still got your other goodie goodie. And one thing you must hang onto is those beautiful eyes you got, girl. Those will ALWAYS be that way, it's the one thing I still got, altho right now if I don't lose some weight, the fatty parts will cover up the real parts. Hahahaha. Actually, it helps keep all my sparkly stuff REAL sparkly. Oh, dah'lin, I miss you so. How sweet of you to say so, too. But onto tougher things, my dear, there is a song that fits you so well, I ALWAYS think of you when I hear it, "Why" by Annie Lennox. I have it on my playlist, but you might can find it on You Tube perhaps, if you don't already have it.
Everyone, I honestly think most of us who are geting mixed up, haunted, upset, depressed, ruined, roadkill, we're ALL THE SAME. When we come here, that's how come we can all give each other one powerful push up, becuz we know just how scary all this stupid routine is. Makes me mad as hell. On the other hand,my love of our pretty world balances it out pretty well. My dog does too. Shopping. You know, the usual stuff means a helluva lot more than it ever did. Even a bit of sunshine sparkling through the trees on one of DUNES' walks. So, until next time, spend some time just resting and taking it all in. Love, Gail
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Gail, it does take a village to get through this. I cry in my coffee sometimes but I have had nothing nothing !!! compared to so many, that is why I feel out of place I suppose. But I am in place. Thanks for the nudge out of the mud. This urinary tract infection is better in bladder area but now burning elsewhere, but I feel 100% better physically until pains hit. I am awake, moving, talking to Hubby.
Flower petals to everyone.
Essa
This is the new avatar picture of me, with my skunk Jeronimo, we called him Baby. He crossed the skunkie bridge a long time ago, he was a massive skunk, cranky as heck but sweet too. That's him on his bed behind the bathroom door where our female sknk tried to kick him out of bed then went on other side of the door and pulled most of the blankies right under it. He was screaming his head off and stomping! But it is a maternal world for skunks so lady skunks rule. On my avatar and name, I will let go the mad for now, just took it on bcz of all the challenges but I am doing w/o them now.
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My walk did me a lot of good. Thinking I need to get my military attitude back: "Mission is primary." Mission is to be independent and functional. Mission accomplished so far! And the non-military goals are to find beauty and joy in each day. Getting there most days, sometimes just a little, other days a lot. Hoping the same for all of you tonight. Hugs.
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Hello darlings - I have had those days too...it always comes on when I see someone I love so much I can't hardly stand it. Sometimes it hurts a little...sometimes it hurts a lot. It has to be from the eye opening experience that we have gone through...the trauma...all of it. I mean, we can't just ignore it, right? Thank you for talking about that - it's so troubling sometimes.
I have to tell you all ... I am getting out of that damn group therapy. What a friggin' joke. They have yet to properly explain our homework...never run a productive session (which is TWO hours long)...but today was the icing on the cake. I was talking with one of the other participants and there was a simple solution (which she asked us to provide)...the head counselor said...and I am not exaggerating...this is actual...she said, "We are not looking for solutions." Ummmm....who the hell is "we". I WANT SOLUTIONS!! And, I really just don't belong. These people have really normal life issues...I'm a whack job. Soooo...I'm walking. There is more to the story of course but....when it slapped me in the face that the counselors don't want solutions I had to release the brakes and start coasting downhill....later taters....
Granny - soooooo glad your back and updated us.
GG -
... Can I say that somehow I have gained too much weight in just the past few months??? What the hell is going on?? Should we work together to shed a few pounds? Nothing crazy...just see if we can help each other? Oh dang...I totally spaced everything that I wanted to comment on...I'm so sorry. I should have saved that frustrating group therapy thing for last....sorry
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Fuzzy, you crack me up with the group therapy thing. Some groups are certainly better suited than others. I attend a group that also does not really look for solutions, and in fact, no advice is allowed within the group. But it focuses on how each of us is dealing with the issues, our anger, our frustrations, how to deal with thoughts and emotions, all in a mindfulness-based approach. What that group does for me is keeps me honest in practicing my meditation for at least 3 minutes a day (without them I forget to do this) and to set my intentions each day. My intentions usually have to do with finding those moments of love and beauty in each day that I might otherwise miss through the negative thoughts and emotions that so often plague me. This practice has been extremely valuable, I truly am finding much more happiness each time I look for it rather than waiting for it to come to me. I have been in another group that just talks about cancer cancer cancer and all those issues, and I am finally so sick and tired of talking about that, it actually would make me feel worse. For solutions, I come here to BCO. I find more women with common issues here than I do in the face-to-face group, maybe because we sort of self-select here according to the issues we are facing, whereas the face-to-face group is a little more diverse. In any case, if your group is not working for you, definitely ditch it!!!!
Essa, I love skunks, but don't tolerate their smell very well. We had a little critter that was snacking at our bird feeders at night for a while (I had put out fruit, which I don't do anymore!) and I was afraid to go out the back door at night for fear of startling him and getting sprayed! I have read that there are a few special people in this world who are not affected by the smell, and some of them are doing great scientific research on skunks. Yours is really a cutie-pie!
Granny, it's about time you got a break! Glad to hear the mammogram was OK. Am so sorry about your son - is there a Plan B?
So I want to send you all a special Valentine's Day bouquet:
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Linda - stage 4 can last for over a decade you know so I guess you will have lots of "last" Christmasses and birthdays !!!
Seriously someone I know with many hidden cancers (none breast) was stage 4 for 8 years and she lived well for most of that time so please try to just think of today......not easy I know but I am really trying to embrace living, although so far today have had several hiccups.......!!,
I finally have my repeat MRI next week and have more symptoms on my remaining side so I really empathise with your fears...............x
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It may be Valentine's Day, but I feel like crap. Hahahahaha. Love, GG
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Happy valentine's day to you all!
I am still on vacation with my girlfriend from kansas city... typing with thumbs on my phone so please forgive the no caps and mispellings
Just wanted to wish you all a day full of LOVE and JOY!
We have been visiting museums and very old churches... yesterday we went to mass at the Basicillica of St Francis and took communion and got our blessed ashes (walked around the rest iof the day with smudgy foreheads... noticing other smudgy foreheads as we walked thru the city... like a secret connection with 'strangers' who (of course) are actually all just our fellow human beings... each seeking answers and our/their own sort of fullfilment and joy...
We started our day at the Santuario in Chimayo... a beautiful old ild old adobe church in the mountains where the sacred dirt from a small pit in the floor of the church is said to heal the sick.... Yup... we got us some of that dirt!
The chapel is full of discarded crutches and wheelchairs... and the gift shop sells little containers for the dirt (dirt and the church are both completely free) and tiny silver charm body parts to put in your dirt... I guess a bunch of people eat the dirt!
The only container I had was a baggie with my vitamins in it... so now I am hoping I have miraculous magical vitamins!
I will let you know...
My friend takes the train home this afternoon... and I will head happily back to the ranch for valentines dinner with my 'Darlin.
Hope this is a LOVE(ly) day for each and every one of you... it can be it you decide to look for those small things that surface. (Like Linda-n3 talked about her intentional group actively seeking/noticing the best and beautiful in the small things/moments... they are everywhere once you focus your attention that direction
Happy Valentine's Day!
Linda -
I passed my exams today and am now officially A+ certified. What a relief!
Happy Valentine's Day. Here's a pic of me and my valentine:
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Which exams - congratulations
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Dune - Congratulations for passing! Peachy (that is his name, right?) seems to be enjoying the closeness.
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Good fo you Dunes.... thanks for the card Lily..... glad your mammo was clear Granny...... I can see the mountains and church and magical dirt LindaRanch...... the truth Linda, here on bco we can focus on what we need, more than anything now I need commaraderie but when I first came here I needed info...... have left plenty of groups Fuzzy, it is what it is and away I would go, always thinking I was the more challenged of them all, probably true..... yes, Dkucky, am chilling today, still recovering.
Today I told my daughter the results of the PT scan, she had a rough week and we never want to tell them anyway, but I didn't want to bring her further stress. She took it and kept her chin up. But I have the positive of going for that phase 1 trial that the onc has said is working for his patients he sent to her, just hope she will put me in the trial too.
Got some work done today. The UTI is 95% better, whew.
Oh, yes, the skunks. I love the smell of skunks, except when I ran over one, that was horrible and hurt my heart. My house was sprayed by a baby kit twice, that was not the coolest thing that ever happened to me for sure. But to drive by a skunk smell in the evening or have skunk aroma wafting in the windows at night, love it. We once had a doggie door that came onto the back porch where we fed the dog. Our Newfie did not fit through that door at all. A skunk would come in the door and I could 'smell' it down there eating dog food. Everyone in the house would hold very still, no coughing, the dog was even quiet while it ate then left. We covered the doggy door.
LoveEssa
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Dunes that is great... Congrats.. Love the picture!!!!!
Cindy -
Congratulations! Dune.
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Thanks for the congratulations. Lily, they were the A+ exams 220-801 and 220-802. They show competence at computer repair.
I'm going over to Hopewell later today to try out the Yoga Nidra. I'm looking forward to that! I guess I will do the hike tomorrow morning since I won't be able to do my regular Sunday hike. I have to get my taxes done Sunday. Booo hissssss. Then Monday, it's the Oncologist. Happy happy joy joy. I think I'll just focus on today.
I had horrible dreams last night. I hope that doesn't happen again.
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Dunes congrats on passing your exams> ^^5^^ hun :-)
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Rider, LOL at "hun." You sound like a Baltimore girl when you say that, except you would spell it "hon." Anyway, thanks hon.
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I just accidentally shut down this online connex, must be the asteroid going by. I'm telling you, tho, I wrote a lot of good stuff, and it's hard sometimes for me to do all this, so I shed a couple tears. DANG. Well, here goes again, from memory.
DUNES, such a sweet picture of you and your budgie. I am SO proud of you passing your tests, and doing your hikes, and now that special Yoga. I'm still in my rest time, but I had to make a phone call to some people about a bill that was too high, and got it all settled. I hate writing out my bills. So, I should NOT have done that, becuz like just now losing everything I wrote wouldn't upset me. Oh, well, probably does me good to have to do SOMEthing once in a while, so I'll be ready when regular duties come in March, all my doc appoints are then, first thing on my "big" list is possums that have taken over our heat vents and one end of the house. I read amonia rags will make them move along, so if that doesn't work, I'll get the wildlife capture and release people. I have about five things I have to do in March like that to do.
LOVESSA, yah, something about Fuzzy's Romperettes that keeps me here, too. It's like a lot of good friends who all have something in common that we can tear into when we need to. I really hope you get into that trial, but if not, your doc is so good to you, he'll do SOMEthing to straighten things out. I'm terrified of going to the doc, I keep putting it off, even tho they said I'm NED. I've got MRIs and CT scans of brain and body, plus I personaly feel it's gone. But my husband is the same way. He's been coughing waaaay too much, and I've asked him several times without pushing too hard to go over to the VA and at least get some antibiotics and maybe a puffer. He won't go. He had cancer when we first moved into our other house 25 years ago or so. But we had a whole lot of good days after that. That'swhen we had rabbits in our house, uncaged, I'll never forget how the Xmas tree lights looked on Big Bunny's white fur. But he is truly terror stricken of docs.
I have been sleeping like forever. Day, night, doesn't matter. But I'm coming out of it, I do believe, at long last. It's a nuisance to eat breakfast at midnight, dinner at 9 a.m. I don't know how often the dog is getting fed, but it's entirely too much... but at least he don't care! That's all I can do now. Love to all my good sisters, Gail
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