BC has changed me

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  • FLwarrior
    FLwarrior Member Posts: 977
    edited November 2011

    I lost my job (which I happened to like and be good at...), as a result lost my health insurance (which I have used once...for bc.  Otherwise I am very healthy!)  Now the @#$%^ sitting in the "big" seat of this country thinks I need to be fined because I will be breaking the law for not having insurance!!!  REALLY!!!  WTF???

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    BC has made me feel like an indentured servant, because my employer knows my health history and how badly I need the insurance.    Pre-BC, I probably would have been looking for another job by now.  

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  • Merilee
    Merilee Member Posts: 3,047
    edited November 2011

    I hear a new motto emerging

    Switch to bitch it will nix the twich LOL or something like that

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  • FLwarrior
    FLwarrior Member Posts: 977
    edited November 2011

    LOL...I wish in my case it was that easy!!!  I could turn on the b#$%h if it would help!!!

    Merilee you still have your sense of humor! Cool

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  • kim40
    kim40 Member Posts: 904
    edited November 2011

    There are no buts about it, BC has changed my life forever.

    What I once took for granted, is now saviored.  I will never take for granted the love of my husband or the hugs my son gives me when he leaves for school in the morning.  I have stepped down from my fast paced management position, and is now working in a slower paced environment.  I appreciate my family more and I got rid of the negative people that were bringing me down in my life.  I have met so many wonderful new friends that I know will be there for me  when I need them and I am so grateful for that. Yes, BC has changed my life - for the better.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    BC definitely has not made my life better, but it has shown me what is important in life and who my real friends and relatives are.   It also renewed my faith in strangers, as I met some wonderful people.   But other than that, it's been a non-stop struggle financially, emotionally, physically.

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  • CLC
    CLC Member Posts: 1,531
    edited November 2011

    Kim...I totally understand what you are saying.  Horribly challenging times will be horribly challenging...but from that can be wrested, torn, pulled, extracted the greatest meaning.  When I look back at the most difficult episodes in my life before bc, I came out of them with so much that I didn't have before.

    If bc doesn't undo me, then, it, too, will give me just such a chance at growth.  It is just so stunning to me that I thought I really had come to such a good place before and how completely bc, in its earliest form (low grade, unifocal DCIS), has laughed at all that...and tossed it all to the four winds.  I am left re-creating my life, emotionally.  Stunning.  I am stunned.

    I was trying to explain it to my husband today.  I found myself telling him that I had worked so hard to get my life to a perfect place for me.  And it is perfectly arranged for the person I was.  And, suddenly, I am a new person living a life that is perfect for someone else.  

    And, now, I will begin anew.  Well, obviously, not anew.  I get to start with all of the life as it is now...and get to pick and choose what I wish to keep and toss.  But, damn...I didn't expect to face such upheaval now.  I was planning on moving forward in a well-worn groove. 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited November 2011

    2014 is the year I'm shooting for - that's when (if it goes through) we can get insurance regardless of pre-existing....so hang in there with me ladies!!!

    I'm ordering sweatshirts - hopefully this week.  The BACK will read "YOU DON'T FRIGGIN GET IT" the FRONT will read ... "Your Name and Cancer in the Same Sentence ... I GET IT"

    I am so on this ...

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited November 2011

    ya know i stole that from one of the sistas.dont remember who but it does stop people right in their tracks....especially people who1- think they know it all-2-say how lucky we are if its low stage low grade yadda yadda yadda..it doesnt matter once you hear those words you have cancer in the same breath with your name you life has changed forever...I too love this saying....thank you who ever said it...i have used it about 100 times....we get it...only us.....stay strong sistas....we will beat this giant monster one sista at a time..oh yes we will

    my actural mantra is FIND A DAMN CURE/VACINE..ENUF...where is all the $$$$$$$$

    huggggggggs everyone K

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  • wenweb
    wenweb Member Posts: 1,107
    edited November 2011

    Fuzzy I have my doubts about 2014, but am keeping my fingers crossed since that's what I'm waiting for too!!  Love the idea of the sweatshirts.  I have a sticker on my car that I got from an aquaintance who had BC 10 years ago (she is currently NED).  It says FACB (fat ass cancer bitch).  I love it because it's only obvious if you see it up close.  Apparently, that's how I must be feeling since I put in on my car :)

    CLC I so know where you are coming from.  I  took comfort in my comfortable life, assuming that I would always be with my husband.  Currently, my husband and I are separated, and it was my idea!!  I found a quote from someone here on BC.org and made it my motto.  "If you always do what you've always done, you'll aways get what you've always gotten".  If the person who posted it reads this, I would like to say thank-you.  It has literally changed my life.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    Fuzzy, unless a certain someone gets re-elected, it won't come to be.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited November 2011

    Fearless...you're probably right but...stranger things have happened LOL

    101,000 women on these boards alone? With a well planned strategy and clear vision, anything is possible...

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    Fuzzylemon, I hope you are right :-)

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited November 2011

    Joyce - you said it.  I have not revealed my name here, but, I am about 8 yrs away from State Representative status.  I have a plan and it is in motion.  My father was a politician.  The family is heavy into and well respected in politics.  I have to admit that, before my diagnosis, BC was just a blip on my radar.  I have met so many women in the last month that have poor or no health insurance.  I have seen women forced into alternative treatments, or ineffective treatments, due to cost alone, not by choice.  I respect if a woman makes that choice, but not if it is by force. It's not just BC, either, as you know. 

    My mother died in January after being mistreated, I firmly beleive, because her insurance was Medi-Care and the coverage just sucks, to be honest.

    My brother died in February after being discharged from a hospital a few months earlier due to coverage limits.

    My uncle (mother's brother) died in June, probably due to nursing home neglect.  He was in a substandard facility as he was also a Medi-Care patient.

    I have a new mission. I am fortunate to have a most wonderful career in government service now, with a great future, that will allow me a more than stable retirement in about another 8 yrs, with my full medical in tact. At that time, there will be a smooth transition into the State Representative position.

    But, I digress.

    I am blessed and wish I could share that blessing with others.  Since I am not God, I will just have to use my clout and do what I can.  I just hope I can do it soon enough. 

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  • Merilee
    Merilee Member Posts: 3,047
    edited November 2011

    Just before I was diagnosed Jan 9, 2009 at 1:30 pm ( yes it is branded into my brain) I had just used my life savings to put a big deposit on a beach house In Mexico. My life dream. Husband was supposed to liquidate his rentals to pay off the rest and we were to move there in June. Well I guess you know he did not pay the balance and I worked two jobs trying to raise the money myself but fell short. I lost the house, and all my nest egg money. I am 52 years old starting over again, I am currently on SSDI because My job was such Hi stress that I was afraid it was contributing to my recurrences. (2) .  House values where I live have dropped to next to nothing  due to Olds closing a major plant and putting thousands out of work creating a market of cheap repoed houses. One accross the street just sold for $10,000. So now I have very little equity in the house I live in, which was my financial plan for funds to live in the Mexico house. None of it will happen now and I am stuck wondering WTF to do next.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited November 2011

    She- YES YES YES!!!!!!

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  • jojoxoxo
    jojoxoxo Member Posts: 34
    edited November 2011

    I can relate to Merilee -- I'm 53, no job, no family, no support, nothing.  I just moved from the U.S. back to Canada, sold my condo in Kentucky at a huge loss, had to sell my car. I can't get disability in the U.S. because I haven't worked enough, and can't get it in Canada for the same reason. In Canada I can't even access medical care to see a psychiatrist or even get my 6 month breast cancer follow-up. I truly am falling through the cracks. I am utterly alone, with no one to help me, and all services seem to be denied me (because I can't find a primary care physician in Ontario and you have to have one to get referrals to specialists).  I'm doomed.

    Now I am thinking that even though I already have a PhD I have to go back to school to get trained in something more employable and I don't know if graduate programs will even let me in at my age.  Plus I feel that 12 years of chemo, tamoxifen, aromasin have made me cognitively much more stupid than before and I don't know if I could even handle a bunch of courses. 

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited November 2011

    I am humbled to be in the company of such wonderful women.  Go sisters, go! xo

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited November 2011
    my anger is boiling over!!!!!!!!!!! hang in there sistas.I always say if God brings you to it he will bring you throu it.....Ill be prayin for ya....each and every one of ya.hugggggs K
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  • tiff2008
    tiff2008 Member Posts: 278
    edited November 2011

    I've not chimed in for a long time.  I'm almost 4 years out from bc dx :)  I've been reading your posts because I've been feeling really down, lack of motivation etc...no libido.   For the first couple years post bc dx I was higher than a kite!! so happy and thankful I was a survivor, loved everything & everyone.  Had lots of motivation.  But for whatev er reason all that has changed..don't really know why??? I've even had a couple friends tell me "your just not as fun anymore"...too laid back.  I take Tamoxifen and then Effexor for hot flashes.  Effexor is also an anti depresent, but obviously not working for me in that case.  I want to talk to a doctor about all but not sure what kind of a doc?? family MD, Oncologist, Gyno??  My mood maybe from Hormonal changes? but I can't take any Hormones..kind of at a loss...Any suggestiolns where I should start?

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited November 2011

    Maybe start with a coach. Someone who listens to you to uncover what is going on and some options. I have one for myself and he's helped me through some crazy stuff....

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  • wenweb
    wenweb Member Posts: 1,107
    edited November 2011
    fuzzy What's the main difference between a coach and a therapist?
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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    Ironically, BC has made me more aware of the importance of money.  You would think it would be just the opposite.   I rent from a relative, so during times lost from work, I was able to be late on rent and continue treatments, surgery, etc.  Had I been in a different situation, I would now be homeless.  

    Thank God you ladies had something to sell.   Imagine women who get BC who are alone and truly poor - no property, no liquid assets.   

    Money is synonymous with medical treatment and health. 

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited November 2011

    You (and I mean everyone) need to find a support group near you.  Not just on line, but some people to sit and talk with.  Someone to share stories with, cry with and celebrate with.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited December 2011

    Feerless--you hit a nerve...i have read on here of many sistas ready to go to live in the woods with just their puter...but i do think there is help out there...THINK!!!!

    I am the oppisite im spending....i look at it this way...dont have much but i got a roof over my head.i live in hud so as long as i follow the rules im good.got a few bucks left after AIG took my retirement $$$$$$$ stock to the garbage.I dont give a damn.

    All i have to worry about is what is goin on with the health care for seniors.I saved all my life...for what????/bc changed me in sooo many ways .....now if i could only get rid of the anger!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • laura347
    laura347 Member Posts: 99
    edited December 2011

    Merilee, Do know you are NOT alone. I really don't have anyone, except the few I have connected with here, and god love(my husband) to talk to. I sometimes think that people cannot handle it. What I am beginning to feel is that I am strong and so are you, I can feel it. To all my sisters here..I would never want you to feel you are alone. As I grow older...I think my friend circle is actually shrinking...weird.

    xo Laura

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited December 2011

    A therepist and a coach are very similar ... however, depending on what you are really looking for, one may fit your need better.  My coach walks me through what I'm saying and finds "roots" to work with and will offer his suggestions and thoughts.  His only purpose is to help me, my way, with what I can do...what's realistic...and helps me to "see" it.

    My therapist has a very strict time limit, is restricted to "legal" responsibilities, and is connected to the rest of my healthcare team ... those are the main differences that I see...I hope that helps.

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  • Merilee
    Merilee Member Posts: 3,047
    edited December 2011

    Generally, coaches are goal based, and therapist are emotion/behavioral based. Therapists help you see your own inconsistencies and coaches  help make life changes and cheer you on. The two often cross lines depending on what the client is looking for. Sometimes  a therapist is both, but often coaches do not have the formal education regarding the emotional/behavioral piece.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited December 2011

    Grannydukes, I hear ya!   I worry about Social security not being available when I am old enough to collect.   I am 46 and I doubt it will be around when I am 65.   Nearly 30 years I put into it....I can only imagine how difficult it is for senior citizens to make it even with SS.  

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited December 2011

    I'll take that one TIff.  I am a psychotherapist.  The biggest difference between a coach and a therapist can be in level of training required and in the kind of process/experience one can expect.  A coach can be great to cheerlead and guide and support.  A therapist can as well, but is more likely to look deeper psychologically and help you understand your desires, needs, wants, pains, and conscious and unconcious behaviors. BC does a number on us and the emotions can come up at any time. PM me if you want more info. Also, I am sorry you are feeling so low.  Be kind to yourself.  The best place to start is with your primary.  And if you do decide to go the therapy route, please make sure to interview them so that you can find the best fit for you! xo

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