please help

1Cathi

I knew you would be right on Barbe.  Mel she is so right the "sexy" thing is more a chic thing than a cancer thing,  hell when I had my boobs I always hated them,  too small, no clevage, what ever they just weren't right.  Barbe teases me about my flat tummy and that maybe be so,  but you know what I see more than a flat tummy - a big butt and out of control thighs.  

I think we all need to do a self hug today,  and I pledge today instead of focusing on a negative body part - I am gonna focus on a good one.

HUGS MEL -  Look in your mirror and tell yourself over and over you are a GODDESS. 

barbe1958

Makratz

Makratz

A big hug for you Mel!!  We love you!

EWB

Edison tried about 2000 times to make the filament for the light bulb, the 2001 worked. When asked about it he said that he hadn't failed 2000 times, just found 2000 ways not to make the light bulb. Only needed to find one way to make it work.

Please don't think about regrets, the past is done and over, no way to change it. Spending time on it is energy you could be using for something else...like loving the inner goddess. Love her, dress her, feed her, play her up...who cares about what others think!?  Free yourself from what others think is "perfect" and "beautiful"  think about how much time, effort and money is spent trying to look like everyone else! You are an amazing woman, unique, extraordinary, gorgeous. 

JoyJudy89

Hi everyone, my name is Judy and I am a "newbie" compared to you guys. I get such strength from reading your posts; that you are so strong and confident.I was diagnosed Mar 30, 2009 and spent April with 2 biopsies and 2 operations (first a lumpectomy w/ poor margins) and then a mastectomy a week later. Had port put in the week after that and started chemo June 2.Final DX: IDC, <1cm, stage 1b,grade 3, ER-/PR- Her2+++. I "ma doing 4 phases of Adriamycin/Cytoxan every 3 weeks followed by 1 yr.of herceptn. I'd appreciate being involved in your chat thread and learning from you guys anything I can to help me or others. I particularly like the saying," Sexy is attitude, not breast size " and would love to get that printed on a T-shirt. Kudo to all of you. I live in the northeast, Gilford, New Hampshire. Love-Judy

Makratz

Hi Judy,

Welcome to the club, so sorry you had to join.  We have a few ladies from NH.  I am from MA, so a close neighbor!  Join the fun, discussions, etc!  We'd love to have you!! 

P.S. and if you can do something about the rain, we'd really appreciate it!!

my3girls

Hi sisters!!

I just read thru most of the posts...but there were 4 pages full!!

Before I forget...(((((((fumi)))))), and (((((((nettie)))))))))))). I will be praying for you father fumi, and for you nettie, while you have surgery.

Sue..good to see you!!! I have to say.....I hurt everyday too! I think we all have the bone pain. It must come from the chemo or the AI's or both. Even having been off the AI (arimidex) for the past month...I still have the pain, just not as bad. I just started another AI (Aromasin) we will see how that works.

I agree....we are still young...I have many of you beat...I have been 49 since January...we are young..yet feel like our bodies are soooooooo old!! I feel like I am getting a little back into shape...but I am so stiff in the joints...and I feel as if I have arthritus too. I am getting a bone scan done on the 19th.

I have been busy either picking up extra hours here at work, or working on the never ending photo albums!!! One book has 64 pages!!! I am now on 2006...so only 2 1/2 yrs left!! It's costing me a fortune..but will be well worth it in the end. 2 weeks until the big GRADUATION PARTY. I am expecting anywhere from 125-175 people!!! That is why you haven't seen me around....so much to do!!

I wish it would warm up here...much cooler temps than usual for June. Pray for NO RAIN on June 27th!!!

Ok..back to work...thinking of all of you!!!

xoxo

Lisa

barbe1958

Good to hear from you Lisa! Stick on my friend, stick on. (scrapbooking joke?)

my3girls

haha...Barbe...good one too!! It's an expensive joke too! I have literally spent a small fortune on those tape runners...omg! lol

1Cathi

Hi Judy,  ALL OUR WELCOME to join us,  we are quite the bunch of CHICS.  Sorry about the DX, but sounds as if you are making progress through treatments. XOXOXOXOXOXO. When I think about it now,  the surgeries and treatment plans are the easy part, its all the emotional baggage that comes along with this DX thats the ruff part - and thats why we are all still here, every now and then a DARK DAY sneaks up on us all and we need our SISTERHOOD to help us through.

Hey Lisa think about the old days  - the old photo albums,  with those little corner things you would use to hold pictures in,  if you had to do that - you would proably have a bleeding tounge by now,  or someone would find you sitting in a corner all loopy and high from all the glue you licked.

EWB

Hi Judy, welcome. This is an amazing group of women here, ready to offer kind words, hugs, smack on the back of the head, and very strong shoulders when needed.

Hope you're having a nice sunny day today.

Makraz--we have some sun today! I sent some your way, did you get it?

Makratz

EWB, no sun yet.  Hope it's on it's way!

my3girls

ok...looks like we are in need of a pep talk...ME included...lol

I just went back and read more!

MEL...I KNOW FIRST HAND (FROM MEETING YOU IN PERSON) WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, FUNNY, AND VERY STRONG LADY YOU ARE INSIDE AND OUT!! I MEAN THAT!!! I KNEW FROM THE FIRST MOMENT WE STARTED TALKING ON THIS THREAD, THAT YOU WOULD BE AN INCREDIBLE PERSON...AND I WAS RIGHT (DONT TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT!) SO..THAT BEING SAID..HONEY WE ALL HAVE OUR DOWN DAYS, THE DAYS WHEN WE FEEL UGLY...LIKE BARBE SAID..THOSE ARE CHIC THINGS..., NOW..WE ALSO FEEL DEPRESSED, ACHY, NON-MOTIVATED...AND THOSE I THINK ARE CANCER RELATED, AGE RELATED, AND EFFECTS OF MEDS RELATED. HONESTLY MEL...YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN ANY OF THE FEELINGS YOU DESCRIBED!! I THINK ALL OF US CAN RELATE TO ONE OR ALL OF THEM.  I KNOW I CAN!!!! WHEN YOU SAY YOU HAVE REGRETS ABOUT NOT DOING THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE...ARE THOSE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO NOW? IF THEY ARE...PICK ONE AND DO IT!! REMEMBER LIFE IS SHORT...AND OUR DX HAS MADE OUR MINDS MORE OPEN TO THE WHAT IF'S!  I KNOW THAT ONCE OLIVIA IS OFF ON HER OWN...AND MY "WORK" IS DONE...I AM TAKING MORE TIME FOR ME! KINDA ECHO'NG WHAT CATHI SAID....SHE IS TAKING THIS SUMMER FOR CATHI...AND I ADMIRE THAT. DO, WHAT YOU WANT TO DO MEL....YOU SO DESERVE IT.

I also know Mel, that your kind, loving and thoughtful words here, have helped SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many people!! Please, if you feel down call me...you still have my cell #? I am here for you g/f...in my opinion YOU ARE THE BEST!!

Barbe...your words are so awesome....I almost got teary when I read your response to Mel. I like the idea of the self hugs...we need them.  Honestly...some of us don't really have anyone to hug us very often...so we might as well do it ourselves.

Welcome to all the newbies...you stumbled on the best thread there is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back to work ladies!! I was cropping pics here on my break!! I am so pathetic! lol

xoxo

Lisa

my3girls

Judie...where are you girlfriend???

my3girls

To the new Judy...welcome!  Please have a seat...relax, put your feet up. Most of us have already taken our journey to "OZ", that's what we called it. But we are here for YOU as you travel down the yellow brick road to the Emerald City. We will help you every step of the way!!

 xoxo

Lisa

sueps

Hello Sisters ... oh my I have to ask ya opinion or advice on something !!! AGAIN! 

Welcome Judy .... big hugs to you sister!!! You will be at home in no time here ... can you feel the love in the room !  xxx

Ok, a couple of weeks ago I told you I was going to cut down my anti ds as I thought they were causing weight gain blah blah ...I had been on the since dx nearly 2 years now... and you told me to see my doc... OK well I didnt see my doc as I was working etc... so I started to cut my tabs up & reduce by 10 mg a day ... this was appx 2 weeks ago or lil more... .... ...

Well I have never felt so bad in all my life!!! first the nausea and brain zaps ... the tiredness the anaemia the anxious feelings ... everything... I cant concentrate have complete road rage! my mouth is sore .... and what finished my master plan off today I put my shopping in somebidy elses trolley @ ASDA OMG ... so today I sit and dwell and think and this and that... and just now I have taken 10mg to go with the 10mg I took this morning...BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER BE A SIZE 12 AND HAPPIER THAN A WRECK @ SIZE 10!!!!!!!!!!

So please can I have your thoughts and tell me if you can whether you take anit ds xxxx

Thankyou .... I love you all.... xxxxxxxxxxx 

I MEAN DID I FAIL    

sueps

I just read back a page or so... 

Mel you truly are special ... and WE ALL LOVE YOU.... VERY VERY VERY MUCH XXX

barbe1958

YES! Sue I DO take anti d's and I am a VERY happy size 14!!!!!!! (Sometimes 16 depending on the cut and type of fabric...)

my3girls

Sue....you can't cut your dose!! That is why you feel so off...no, sweetie..don't do that yourself. I don't think my anti dep. meds make me gain weight..it's the tamox or the AI's that we are on...along with the menopause. It's never ending!! 

My oc said...all I can do is cut back on my eating (already doing that) and be more careful of my choices in food (Usually do that...)  and increase my exercise/activity...was doing that..been so busy..I know, NO excuse!  It's a never ending battle!

Since I went of the Arimidex...I feel like I lost a few lbs.  But..now I am starting the Aromasin....that will probably put it right back on.

But, if I thought it was the anti d's...making me FAT...I would chose the meds first!! I need to feel happy...cause if I didn't...I know I would be still over the weight I want to be....still trying for that size 6..some days yes..some days no...must be the cut of the fabric...lol....anyhow..rambeling..but what I am saying is...regardless of the anti meds...on or off...I would still be a little up on the weight..and w/out the meds making me feel good....I would really be depressed about the weight!!

ok..I just confused myself...and everyone else! lol

cleomoon

Hi Ladies,

I have been following this thread on and off for a while. Love it!! Just thought I would chime in on Sue's question about anti-depressants. No Sue you did not fail at all. It sounds like you were having withdrawal from the ad. EWWW the brain zaps..I had those so bad when I was coming off of Paxil. I now have to cut down meds super super slowly if I need to be without them or switch medication. A very slow slow taper might be good if you want to try going off of the medicine. It's really tough to get off them. And it changes our brain chemistry so much.

sueps

Well I wanted to come off of them so I would stop the weight gain..and I wanted to come off them cos I wanted to feel like me again... the problem is I dont feel like me! I felt like me before DX.. then I felt like someone else after DX ....then I felt like someone else when I went on them and now I feel like I dont even know myself who I am or how I should be... and bcos I am having all these withdrawals it makes me  think even more who was I where am I ... ARGHHHHH .... so now what shall I do..... and then we are always changing so maybe I would have been somebody else anyways!!

Oh see how messed up I am ...lol.... URGHHHHH ... so by process of elimination... I do not like how I feel now... I cannot go back and not have gotten bootface ... I didnt cope well with the DX obviously.... so I am best just taking them....

I just read so many bad things about them since reducing the dose that I never knew before and now well now... I wish I had never bothered trying ... I am in a tizwiz xxx

Thankyou Barbe .... I dont care about how I look anymore... If I looked a million dollars feeling like this , I would still see and anxious angry sad person in the mirror ...lol  xxx

I HATE YOU BOOOOOOOOTFACE!! 

my3girls

Hi Cleomoon...and welcome!

Good answer...that is so true!! SLOWLY Susie Q....slowly! I missed my dose for almost 2 days...and I was truly not IN WORKING ORDER!! I was a complete mess!

sueps

OH MY GOODNESS SISTERS 

THANKYOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!  

CLEOMOON I FEEL BETTER NOW .... AND LISA THANKYOU !!!!! xxx

I am silly eh ! 

cleomoon

((HUGS)) Sue.

my3girls

Sue...none of us honey  will ever be who we were before dx!! Nobody! But..who we are now...is who we CHOSE to be! We all have good days and bad...just like anyone w/out cancer..we just however may have a few more bad days.

Like I tell my daughter Danni...you know the one with the Psychology degree...QUIT THINKING SO MUCH!! haha...seriously Sue...don't try and think, who am I, who would I have been..etc.  Just be greatful that you are here now...you have 2 great boys...and sisters who love you to death...and take the darn meds....I think we need them....I know I couldn't do it right now without them. So...one day at a time..and quit THINKING so much! lol

love ya Sue!

Lisa

sueps

Lisa ...when you took the dose after the 2 days did you feel better ... I am back at work on Tues Night... but have a big all day meeting on Friday @ headoffice.... an I dread to feel like this ... I must be biting my lips as I have no skin left on them!!! 

sueps

HAHAHAH ... OK I will quit thinking ... you see I just read something in my research for withdrawals... when you get up in the morning you shouldnt ask ya self how ya feel... or you will end up looking for things and feeling anxious ... 

Thankyou sisters for such good advice ...I am once again eternally grateful....

 I am actually feeling pretty bad ... I hope I can redo the damage to my electroncs and brain or whatever xxx 

my3girls

Sue...what I did was miss the dose one day..then got the refill on the meds..and thought..oh my...it's too late to take it. MISTAKE! the next morning...I could hardly function...was tired, out of breath...my chest hurt...my head hurt..and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was wrong!  Then I drove to work (big mistake..I hardly remember driving) and when I got here..everyone could see in my face something was wrong..they kept asking me..and I said...I DON"T KNOW..well then someone said..are you taking any new meds?  I said, no..but I FORGOT  to take one...well another girl was here and on the same anti dep's. She said..OMG...YOU CAN'T FORGET THOSE!! She got me 2 of hers...and opened up the capsule..and poured it in my mouth....I had to sit for about 2 hours or so...feeling very out of it! Then later that day...I took another one...and by that evening....I felt more normal again.

my3girls

Since you think you can redo the brain..and I think you can....rethink it!! I FEEL GOOD...I AM GOING TO FEEL BETTER!! And look in the mirror like Barbe said...out stretch those arms, cross them over...and give yourself a BIG HUG!!!  You can do this Sue...I know you have the strength and spunk...YOU CAN FEEL BETTER! Now..take a dose..a whole dose of those meds!