please help

barbe1958

Wow Cathi! Grandchildren closer! Too bad her D(amn)H has to come with her. Maybe she means she's moving alone????? Hugs for your pain....I know it well.

Jule, thanks for the update, I've been thinking of you guys alot. Can't stand the thought of a spider bite starting this cycle of hell! (Knew I hated them for a reason...) Problem is, I love salmon!

Lisa (who still hasn't changed her avatar!) we all know the scrapbooking was calling you! No need to apologize, it must feel great to be 2/3 of the way done (for now!).

Linda, breathe, breathe, we know school break is coming....How is your flooring coming on? Haven't seen any recent pics.

1Cathi

No such luck Barbe, if they come he is too.  He is a nasty and verbally abusive idiot, and if I were to place a bet he has also been physical a mother knows things, she feels things.  But getting her here and closer -  perhaps she will wake up and realize thats not how life & love are supposed to be.  I still put so much blame on myself for their acceptance of abuse, that is what they grew up with,  that is what they deemed as normal,  Jaclyn had a few boyfriends she tolerated that from, one who almost slit  her throat with a knife (before the kids),  but she has come along way thanks to my changes and becoming so close to Ed,  she now would kill someone I think if they raised a hand to her. Her self asteem is very high and that makes me so happy as her dad really damaged her over the years with all his mean nasty comments to her,  I get so mad at myself when I think how as a mother I let that happen to them.

barbe1958

Ah Cathi, here are some wise words and I want you to let them really sink in, don't react emotionally:

You are guilty, but you are not to blame.

lvtwoqlt

Shirlann glad to hear that your hips are in great shape  and that your son's meds have him stablized.

Cathi, I too get the wierd dreams when I take any narcotic pain meds. I don't know why people would want to steal them, I sure don't like the 'buzz' I get when I take them. My last wierd dream I was climbing up and down a fire-escape on the outside of the building and couldn't get to the top or bottom to get where I wanted to go.

Lisa I wish I could do the scrapbooking, I will just stick to my quilting.

Jule, I would have rescheduled for Monday as well. When I had my biopsy on Wed and the doctor told me I would have the results phoned to me by Thursday afternoon (the only time they phoned me with the results, was he trying to tell me something the day of the biopsy?) I called Thursday afternoon and they didn't have the results yet. I called back again Friday after lunch and still no results, I was on pins and needles until they did call me at 4:00 pm Friday afternoon. I don't know what I would have done if they hadn't called me until Monday. I am still praying that David's infection keeps improving.

Sheila

1Cathi

Barbe I think you and Ed might be related,  he has always said something very similar .  I always wonder why I accepted such behavior for so many years, my parents weren't like that at all, sure a squabble as all married couples do, but abuse never.  I do know though that growing up in a very strict catholic home  back then espically Divorce was taboo,  you made your bed you laid in it.  And for a good many years I thought I could "change him"  And then after many years of that crap you really do start thinking your wothless and can't do anything on your own.  I still remember the day so well that I finally GREW UP, the sudden strength that came over me to get the hell out -  it might sound weird but I truly believe it was a DEVINE INTERVENTION,  I just wish I had done it so many years before for both of my girls sakes.

barbe1958

Cathis ((((( hugz )))))), once you take away the blame, it is easier to deal with the guilt! Yes you set a poor example for your kids (you can't change that now), but one has broken the pattern, the other will too, especially when she sees you more often. I hate the saying "You did the best you could". No, the best would have been to leave. You did ALL that you could at the time. And then, yes, you got divine inspiration! And as a prize, you got Ed and I got Paul! Worth the pain and anguish, I'd say....

1Cathi

BARBE - XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

lvtwoqlt

I can join you two in the bad marriage/good marriage discussion. I was also in an abusive marriage the first time but sought a way to get out while I was pregnant. I too didn't believe in divorce but seeing my sister leave her husband (emotionally abusive) with 2 small children gave me the guts to leave my physically and emotionally abusive husband. My new husband did become John's dad in all ways but legally.

Sheila

1Cathi

Well Shelia we have visited hell for awhile in our life's for sure. 

I have the same sort of dreams as you do with narcotics, 99% of the time they are scary and involve some one (or even my pets) in danger. I hate it. I asked the DR about why he said it all has to do with brain chemistry and the way we metabolize them through our bodies,  and I did say well then why would anyone WANT TO FEEL like this,  he said the majority of people who steal the drugs for a high have HAPPY HIGHS, they feel good and don't experience the bad dreams etc.  He said thats why on meds like Prozac, efforex etc,  they warn of possible suicide thoughts,  because there are those  (like me) who commonly have NEGATIVE dreams, images, feelings.  Makes sense,  I think I would like one of those HAPPY DREAMS though -LOL

lvtwoqlt

Cathi, the good thing is we made it through hell and have found a better place in our lives. 

My husband was on welbutrin for a while (been off for about 3 yrs). It did help calm his nerves but he has admitted to me recently that he was having sucide thoughts while on it. He admitted he wouldn't go there because he didn't want to leave me in the financial mess we were in at the time. He had been laid off several jobs over a 2 yr period and each job he took paid less than the job he was laid off from. He only took the job because the new jobs paid more than he got from unemployment.

Sheila

Anonymous

Wow, I think most of us have been on the abusive roller coaster with a partner...

My kids dad was emotionally abusive...kicked my self esteem to the curb entirely until I finally had my fill of the drinking, sleeping around, being treated like a door mat.....one weekend he came home(he worked away 5 days a week), I gave him an ultimatum....following weekend he came home drunk...I loaded up the kids, my self, a bag of clothing for each of us, called a girl friend to pick my up and NEVER went back....he kept me without a phone, car, couped in a small town in the dingy's, just enough money for fresh foods....as you can see he was extremely controlling...

After our divorce he divorced the kids too basically...as with you Cathi, I never spoke bad of him and over the years both kids made up their own minds that he was and is an A$$. So much so that when my daughter got married a couple of years ago she had someone else walk her down the isle....in ways it was justice to me to see my ex sitting in the front row with family instead of being the father the way he should have been...I was a little worried he was going to be an A$$, but he just sat there an scoulded the entire time...left as soon as he could. I personally think he only came because his mother insisted...Ive always been on decent terms with the ex-in-laws so the kids have always had a relationship with his side of the family without him.

Well David is getting (hopefully) his last infusion this morning and will meet with the docs about the next step to take...it is absolutely amazing how well this thing is healing...they wanted to leave the pick line in for about 10 after its completely healed but he is going to ask them to remove it because the arm it is in has been swelling.

I need to run....heading for Spokane in a bit and wanted to get a couple of things done in the office before going...

Hugs

Jule

my3girls

Girls, without reading all the posts...I caught a jist of what was being discussed...and Cathi, Sheila..we can all relate to being with A$$'s! I too feel much guilt with what my daughters wittnessed and grew up with...but as Barbe said..we can't take it back. We can only teach now and show them a BETTER example, which both of you ladies are doing. And, if I ever find that special someone...I will too!

Well..worked till almost midnight last night. 2002 was a huge year for Olivia...started her modeling career...plays etc...so lot's and lot's of pages.

Barbe..I will get that new avatar someday! lol. I should have some good pics from Olivia's graduation.  She will work on getting those done today, I hope!?

I bring you sad news. My dear friend Kim, called early this morning...bootface took her dear sister Pam's life last night. She is now in heaven with her mother, and free of any pain. Thank you for your prayers, Kim wanted me to thank you as well. I told her my wonderful friends here were praying for her and Pam. She knows how special you all are to me.

Ok..Ohio is cold 60 and dreary today, has been most of this week...but it's perfect for being indoors and SCRAPBOOKING! lol

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Lisa so sorry to hear the news, but as you said she is now pain free and once again with her mom once again.  And Lissa with or without a MR Right   you are teaching your daughters what being a strong independant woman is.  Ed has tought Jaclyn  how a real man acts,  that a real man does not have to be all loud and nasty to be a MAN,  hopefully if Amanda moves here she will learn quickly.   And I sure hope her DH doesn't act up around Ed,  Ed is the easiest going person in the world - Abuse  - verbal or physical he will not tolerate.  His size 11'w will kick his A$$ all the way back to NY.

lvtwoqlt

Let me tell you what my son thought of his 'sperm donor'. I don't even know where he lives, but if pressed could find out, and my son had no thoughts at all to even invite him to his wedding Dec 31, 2004. Donald was the father of the groom.

Sheila

1Cathi

Sounds like our children all feel pretty much the same - Ed has been PA-PA to Alexcis and Brandt sense day they were born,  on ocassion Jaclyn will attempt to talk to her dad, but is always frustrated afterwards, he has never been the kids G'pa.  I think Jaclyn sent him a picture once when Alexcis was born 5  years ago but thats it. She has not seen him in over 6 years and has no desire to.

Makratz

Jule, smart move on the reschedule.  You have enough to worry about.  I'm keeping David in my prayers.

Cathi, glad you are feeling better. Horray for the daughter, sorry about the in law, tho!

Barb, my floors are done, we just have minor issues now.  They look great!

SO sorry for all the heart ache many of you suffered at the hands of your first DFH, or as Sheila said, sperm donor. I am so happy that most of you have moved on to bigger and better men!   

1Cathi

Glad the floors are done Linda,  when is schhool out there,  we are done now until August,  not that I drive anywhere in the AM but it sure makes the morning rush hours so much better.

portiasproudmom

Wow, I actually appreciate my idiot ex-husband now.  He's a putz, but he was never abusive in any way.  I'm so sorry for all of you who had to go through such nightmarish marriages.  My mom was verbally abused by my dad for years--I know how damaging it can be for the wives and children.

Lisa, I'm very sorry for Kim and her family.  Pam is with God now and is no longer suffering.  So sad!

Love and hugs to all,

Karen

Makratz

Cathi, school gets out here 17 th and the 23th.  Two different schools. A couple more weeks of peace and then all hell with break loose!

1Cathi

Oh Linda I recall those summers all so well.  FUN AND SUN EVERYDAY  - NOT- LOL

Makratz

Cathi, I call my pool, my prison!

dink

Cathi, your little Brandt is so cute.  I'm so jealous.  I want to swim so bad, couldn't last year and I don't think I will be able to this year,.

I did get the drain removed on Monday.  My PS also removed 190 cc;s of fluid fom the left breast.  I go again in the morning and she will have to remove more fluid then I hope she will put some in.  You know how that goes. 

Leesa

dink

Hey Jule great news on David, I will be praying for you guys.

I will say  hi to everyone and let you know that I am thinking of you all.  I have to go to PS again tomorrow and she will remove the rest of my stitches, remove fluid then insert saline.  It wil be a long day because I will travel 2.5 hours by myself one way bu at least I call all of my family in MS and catch up.  My dad talks to me almost all the way of course we have down time due to low areas or high hills.  You know, the cell phone thing.  Oh and by the way, my son proposed to his girlfriend of 4 years this past Saturday.  She is 20 and he's 21 but they have been together 4 years on June 22, 2009 so it was inevitable.  I have a picture of him proposing outside of the mall.  Her parents aren't so happy because they are so young but we have encouraged them to wait a year and to try to attend college.  Does anyone have any suggestions or planning ideas.  Her mom isn't helping very much at this point.  I do't blame them as this is their baby girl.

Well, good night all and I will be praying for you all,  Cathi, I hope your daughter isdoing ok.

Leesa 

fierce1

Hi everyone,  am new to this site.  Was diagnosed Monday with IDC grade 3, neg pro, neg est, not result on the HER2 yet.  Have been looking through your threads for a few days... Scared to take the leap into what seems such personal conversation but my husband can only take so much....!    I have two kids a two year old and an eleven year old.  First mammo and ultrasound done because of pain ... nothing to palpate.  Tumor size less than 7mm.  I see a surgeon on Monday.  My doc has scared me to death as she is very concerned about lymph involvement.  Sometimes I feel very fierce and angry and other times descend into tears.  The whole idea that I have mets or cancer cells having a party elsewhere is overwhelming me... I have just turned 40... Seems like I am in a rather well populated club.  I appreciate your conversations.  Thank you all.      

Makratz

Fierce,

So sorry you had to join our club.  About the personal info, you will soon find that this group of fine Ladies know EXACTLY what yo are going through as we have all been there ourselves.  It is VERY scary when you are first dx (diagnosed).  I have the best DH (hubby) in the world who would talk to me night and day about this but I still choose to talk to the ladies here.  They are great!  The best!!  You will soon find out that even though people want to help, no one will understand you better than those who have gone through this.

I hope you have someone to bring to all of your appointments to help with questions and take notes.  It's very overwhelming, but doable.  This next monthor so will be a whirlwind, bu tyou will get through it and you will survive.  Get strength and the will power to so all you can from those two little kids of yours!!  I was 42 last year when I was dx and I also have 2 kids.  Keep on talking, asking questions and fighting!!  You can do it!!  You can PM (Private message) me anytime if you have questions or just want to talk.  I know you have limited access to posting right now.  Best of luck!  HUGS!

1Cathi

Hi Fierce,

Dito on all Linda has said, don't worry about persona; at all - we are jere NO MATTER what you want to talk about, we will Laugh and cry with you what ever you need.  XOXOXOXOXO

Leeza thanks for the compliments on Brandt, my DD's do make beautiful children.  Pool, Beach or ride my bikes, I hated when I could not do those things,   the bikes are used a bit less, used to be able to to 10 miles no problem, now I am lucky to get 2-3, but hey better than nothing.  Continued good wishes with PS. ---------- XOXOXOXOXOXO

geebung

Hugs to you all and welcome Fierce (I like your avatar!) - so sorry you have to be here but like Cathi & Linda have said, you can be yourself and vent as much as you like.

xoxo

my3girls

Good morning sisters! It's a slow moving one for me today. I think it's because of 2 late night scrapbooking catching up with me. Yesterday, just did some much needed grocery shopping and ran an errand after seeing my OC. I told her about taking myself off of the Arimidex...just too much for me. She was very understanding. She said give it one more week, then she gave me 3 mos of samples for Aromasin. We will see how that works.  We talked in great lengths about family, and my cousin who has bone cancer, by mother who passed from leukemia..and I told her about all my bone and muscle aches.  She is so caring and she makes me feel like I am the only patient she has. Anyhow..she is sending me for a complete bone scan, just to put my mind at ease. I go on the 19th.  She also did all my blood work, but added in there a thyroid test to see if that was ok (it runs in my family).  I had told her, that (shame on me) I have hardly been eating lately, just busy, and I feel like I can't lose even one lb. So...I doubt it is the thyroid, it's probably a slow metabolism, and the meds...so...we will see.

I feel like I need to accamplish big things everyday that I am off work this week...WHY DO WE PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE ON OURSELVES???  Yesterday, besides restocking the cupboards..and talking at great lengths with my daughters (which was nice) I went to see my girlfriend Kim.  We sat and had a beer/wine and talked about her dear sister who passed. She flew to Kansas this morning for the funeral. It's sad ladies, because...this woman even at 86 lbs and sick...was still waiting on her husband hand and foot!!!! The things Kim was telling me, made me so angry!! He should have been waiting on her all this time!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR, well..now...he will have nobody...good luck to him and his lazy A$$!

Ok...need to motivate to do some cleaning, moving of boxes from my garage (that is where the grad party will be) and do some more scrapping.  Danni is flying home today!!! She is coming home from Chicago for the weekend, for her g/f baby shower.

Leesa...good luck at your PS apt. Long day for you. I hope all of your drains come out. Those were the worst!! I was very lucky and mine came out on my first post op apt.

Fierce (I don't see an avatar)?...WELCOME!!  I know you are frightened, and this is all so overwhelming in the beginning..but come here..and we will try and ease any fears you may have. This is the place to be!! We will walk with you on the Yellow Brick Road (that is what we call it) on your way to the Emerald City (the place where the cancer is gone)...every step of the way!! 

Ok..off to get my day going! Love to all of you here! 

xoxo

Lisa

barbe1958

Great post Lisa, thanks for dropping by! What year are you up to in the scrapbook?

my3girls

*********** I MISS SUE!******************

VAL...WHEN ARE YOU AND BILL GOING TO SEE SUE??? HAVE YOU LEFT ALREADY?