please help

1Cathi

I am so VERY sick and tired of Cancer,  3 years of statistics, protocal,  case studies have me at my limit.  Recurrance/Survival rates I just wonder what the hell good is any of it.  So I will surbive 10 years  - but deal with multiple recurrances  -  someone is supposed to be ok with that,  except that as Good as normal as living life. 

Or wait maybe I won't have a recurrance and I'll survive healthy and happy for 10  years before Cancer kicks my A$$ - well that sucks too - 10 years, lets see that puts me @ 59  - I am still robbed.

I don't mean thats whats happening, I am just ranting,  Cancer just sucks and so what if "FEMALE CANCERS" have come a long way -  we aren't cured are we -  just in LIMBO.

So why is it that you can see a cardiologist and he can say if you don't have this heart surgery you have a 50-50 chance of dieing in 5yeras - they do the surgery.

But you have abnormal crazy pre-cancer cells floating through your body and you have a 30-40-50% chance of getting an invasive cancer and you have to plead and beg to get a DR to listen to your concerns,  and then maybe they might try and prevent it from happening, but would much rather wait and pump you full of toxic chemicals when the demon has started to run rampant

$#$#@!@##$

cherneski

Now this is defiantly where I belong!  Rant away girl cause this $h(t Socx the big Cacccaa!  As you all know the way I feel about it already.  I am sorry for everyone having a hard time.  I really need sometime to catch up on all of this, but I will take the time to do it.  Cause like I said this is the thread I belong on.

I start Chemo on June 22nd.  Dr. wanted me to start the week b4 but I told her my daughters 8th grade graduation was that week and I dont want to be under the weather so I will be beginning my sickness then.  I say that because I dont feel sick yet.  Oh boy I cant wait.  All summer sick.  Yuck awareness find a cure!

And Cathi I love your "Sexy is definded by attituded not bra size"  I just really have to start believing it.  I am working on it.

1Cathi

Thanks Deb, most of the time -I truly do believe that  - but I have my days MY MOMENTS (Like today) when I am really PO'ed and mad as hell. We will all be here for you through this whole ordeal - potty words and all LOL (God knows we have all used a few), 

I recall reading your one post about not being able to look at your chest, your DH did the first time,  I was exactly the same way,  the BS took off the compression bandage in her office and I could not bare to look, it took me several days to do so,  everything you feel all the up's and downs have been felt by someone on this thread we can relate  -  I don't blame you for waiting on starting the chemo until after your sons graduation.  My onco wants me to have PET/BONE scan because of raised tumor markers and some hip and leg pain, but I am not doing it until a few months,  BC has taken over to many special events the past 3  years for me and I have a few things this summer I refuse to let this beast mess with.

So rant away girlfriend when ever you want too -  XOXOXOXOXOXOX

kmccraw423

Like all the others I don't know where to start - I guess this is another doctor who was absent on the day the taught bedside manners.  I am so sorry you and your daughter were put through this.

Here's what I say to that doctor:

1Cathi

Hey so I was just thinking maybe I can make Ed a very happy man tonight,  as I have such a BAD ATTITUDE today - does that make me BAD A$$ SEXY - LOL. 

Wouldn't he be surprised and happy.

kmccraw423

I think that's a very good idea!

my3girls

(((((CATHI)))...I can hardly believe what I read!! What an A$$...that doctor should not be in the field...no compassion at all!!

Rant away ladies....I just found out that this friggin BEAST is taking another one...my very dear cousin..who was mostly like an uncle to me.  He was dx with bone cancer..and he is going into hospice already!!! I am soooooooooo FRIGGIN MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't help but just get so overwhelmed everytime I hear, that another and another, and a FU$#IN nother...is being taken by this DISGUSTING DISEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Kim's sister...is barely hanging on....so please pray for her to pass on to heaven pain free...and that her family has God's arms comforting them.

Oh...I hate this!!

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Lisa praying for everyone -  XOXOXOXOXOXOXO. 

I so hate that CA over shadows everything in my life no matter how hard you try not to let it, it still freakin creeps in. Alexcis has a big PRE-K graduation ceremony today, I am so excited to go and see her in her cap and gown, yet inside me a sadness, "will this be the only graduation I ever see"  12, 13, 18 years from now will I see them all make high school graduation.

GROUP YELL EVERYONE -  F- CANCER!!!!!!

Makratz

Cathi, you are going to see Alexis graduate from highschool, college and be at her wedding!  I know you have been hit with a Boat load of stuff, but hang in there.  Look at Alexis today and get strength from her.  She needs her mom and grandmom!

Lisa, still keeping your friends in my prayers.  It just sucks.

Welcome Deb, rant away!  

poolgirl

Sueps,

I am so sorry you have to go through this too.  The decisions are the hardest part. Getting the pathology report ASAP is next. You need to know before you can really plot your treatment.

God be with you!

Lydia

EWB

So sorry for all this stuff happening. Hugs

Makratz

Welcome Lydia!

1Cathi

Thanks Linda,  I guess all this stuff with Jaclyn, my test results and my up and coming 3 year DX date is all getting on my nerves lately.

I have never been to a PRE-K graduation, my girls didn't have Pre-K,  I can't wait to see all those little ones in Caps and Gowns, then they have a barbacue, and then they are all doing some sort of Karakoee - it is going to be a blast, I will take tons of pictures.

XOXOXOXOXOX - TO ALL.

PS - I am gonna be the sexiest - hottest Grandma there - LOL  (I think I am even gonna wear the "girls" today.

Makratz

No doubt Cathi!  Have fun!!

portiasproudmom

Linda's right, Cathi.  You're going to be around for all of Alexcis's big days.  Have fun at her "graduation"!!

Welcome Lydia and Deb.  You can come here to rant your a$$ off whenever you feel the need, Deb.  None of us will be offended--we bitch out bootface (our word for cancer) all the time!!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

So sorry about your cousin, Lisa.  Grrrrrrrr.........stupid, bloody disease!!  I'll pray that he stays comfortable and pain free until he passes.  Still praying for Kim's sister too.

dink

Hello Ladies,

I am so sorry to hear about everything that has been going on.  I will keep each and everyone of you in my prayers: Jule and her family, Cathi and Jacklyn, and Lisa and her friend and her cousin. 

Cathi, I hope your toe is better.  I had a hysterectomy at the age of 25 and I have always done pretty good with it.  I didn't have a hysterectomy due to cancer but due to endromesios.  There are some side effects that some women experience, myself included, but there are ways around that.  Just let your daughter know that we also support her in her decision whatever it may be and we are here for you also.

Sheila, I'm glad things went well for your grandmother.  I haven't seen anything posted from Judy in a while how is she doing, has anyone heard?

My surgery went well and I was going to take off this week from work but not happening.  I was off Monday and Tuesday but my boss called me in on Wednesday and he was a little frantic as we had a surprise state inspection - which we passed with a 100% - Yehhhhhh!

I'm a little sore and still have the right drain in.  I'm suppose to have the drain and the stitches removed Monday at 2:45.  I was reading about where several here were nervous to see themselves for the first time after surgery and I have to admit I was in that boat with you.  When I was going into surgery.  My mom and my husband were at my side and my mom was trying to calm down and said "Just think you're going in with two uglies and you''re coming out with two cuties."  I think that was the first time I smiled with regards to the surgery.  I must say, my PS did a good job but they still look funny without nipples.  I have two different sets of stitches to the left breast - the one that had the radiation- and one set of stitches to the right breast.  She put in the expanders then some extra tissue for a "build up." 

I think all of you ladies look younger than you ages or the ages you say you are.  I believe we are all beautiful in one way or another. 

Missing all the others: Jane, Mel, AE, UB, Sue, Cloudhowe, Judy, and everyone else not mentioned.

Praying for you all

Leesa

1Cathi

Hope those drains and stiches come out Monday as planned,  drains stink.

The big day was great, but so darn hot, we looked like sweaty nasty bumbs at the end of all the excitement.  Our schools are now all out until the end of August.  Today we are going to friends to have a "pool party" . There was only one hitch at the graduation ceremony, they miss counted gowns and were short 4, so to be faitr they all just wore their caps,  which was better anyway,  everything was out side on the playground,  hot- hot- hot.  But so much fun watching those litttle ones. Alexcis is happy her little "boy- friend" Logan is going to  the same school she does in August. 

Hoping everyone has a great Saturday,   oh yeah the toe- it's better, still painful if direct pressure is applied, but the top of foot swelling is about all gone, I am thinking the pool water will help even more.

XOXOXOXOXOX -Cathi

EWB

pool water is a great healer!

barbe1958

Y'all will be so proud of me! I walked around the resort pool-side and beach with my flat little chest as if I had the greatest pair of ta-tas of anyone there! At first I was really nervous, but then saw so many weird body shapes and sizes, I thought, what the hell, I have great legs and ass, so I just don't have the boobs. T'was the 'tude that helped no one notice, I'm sure!

I got a couple of weird looks and then people got used to me or I didn't bother noticing anymore. I'm hoping that I provided 'hope' for anyone that ever gets to my point that life doesn't end with the diagnosis!

I AM proud of me!

The wedding was beautiful and I can't wait for pics. I sobbed like a baby during the whole thing...

EWB

Barbe- my life philosophy has always been...who cares what they think. I don't even know "them". A friend of mine once told me that is was none of my/your/our business what someone else thought of me/you/us. I found that rather liberating. And you are so right that there are so many weird body shapes and sizes!  You get to be another weirdo  !!! Welcome back, so glad you had a good time. Can't wait for the pictures....

Weirdos of the world unite

cindoe

Barbe,

You go girl!!!   Shake that booty!!

Cyn

1Cathi

YEAH BARBE -  Happy for you, can't wait for pictures.  I actually just found another suit to wear and can't believe I found it at Wal*Mart,  we went this AM for some house stuff and I just thought what the heck take a look and there it was, now I have two, at this rate I could be back to having 6 or 8  soon.   Your thoughts are just like what Ed says when we are at the beach  he always points out the diffrent shapes and sizes and says "WHO CARES"

GOOD A$$ ROCKS!!!!!!

Makratz

That's so true Cathi!!  Glad you found another suit.  I found 2 suits this year at Target.  Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have. 

PS - it's raining, requesting some more sunshine please! 

1Cathi

Sorry about the rain Linda, it is just gorgeous here, a perfect weekend.   Heres Brandt & Aunt Sharon doing breast strokes.

Makratz

Brandt and Aunt Sharon look like they are having fun.  What a cutie!

It was a beautiful weekend here.  Today was hot and humid which triggered afternoon thundershowers.  We had a beautiful rainbow when it all ended!

NancyD

Speaking of suits, I'm trying one from Lands End. it was on their recent catalog cover. I ordered it over the weekend and hope it's here by next weekend...my brother opened his pool yesterday, and it should be all cleaned and ready in a few days.

Here's a link, as I can't capture the image:

http://www.landsend.com/pp/MultiItem.html?styleNum1=346733&colorCode1=PYG&store=le&CM_MERCH=LE_ISLAND_SLIMMING_MIX 

I'm not sure how the chest/breast will fit as I don't plan to wear protheses with it. But the neckline was higher than many of the orthers, so I thought I could make it work whatever I do.

portiasproudmom

Cute suit, Nancy!  I'm sure it will look fabulous on you!  Are you getting it in the red?

I don't have a lot of time--have to get out in my yard.  It's another gorgeous day.  I'm so angry with DH and Portia.  The two of them just cannot get along, and I'm tired of being caught in the middle.  Saturday night, Rhuel, Chase and I went to the drive-in movie theater and Portia had a sleepover at a friend's house.  Before the movie ever started, Portia was calling me and telling me she felt sick.  After about four calls and a couple of texts, Rhuel was fuming.  I went over there after we finally got home (around midnight) and picked her up.  She had vomited all over their bathroom (tried to get to the toilet, but didn't make it).  She was so upset, embarrassed, and sick.  Rhuel was so mean to her when I got her home.  He told her he had no sympathy and that he was going to start treating her the way she has treated him for the past ten years (which is like shit).  Why would he wait until she's sick as a dog to "snap"?  I agree that she treats him horribly, but he didn't have to get into it with her when she was sick as a dog.  Honestly!!  I laid into both of them yesterday and both of them left.  If they can't set aside their differences and try to be civilized for my sake, then there are going to be some serious changes around here!  I may just run away!!!!  I'm tired of the constant tension around here.  I'm done being the peace keeper!!

Thanks for letting me rant.  You guys keep me sane.

Love and hugs to all,

Karen

EWB

Oh Karen- my heart goes out to you! I have a spare room if you every need to runaway for a bit. Hang in there, it does get better.

Hugs!!!

Anonymous

Karen-sounds like a weekend get-away is in order...wanna meet in Ellensburg? or I have a spare bedroom you are welcome to use if you need I went through all that with my daughter and my ex...they COULD NOT GET ALONG!!!!!! I hated it desperately, but nothing I said to either of them seemed to make a difference. Now that he and I are EX, she and he have a wonderful relationship....so much so that she had him walk her down the isle when she got married....(he is not her biological father(whom is a REALLY A$$) but the man that basically raised her from about the time she was 10 or so....

David is doing better...they finally found an antibiotic that seems to be working so things are (hopefully) heading for the end insight...he said that the Dr. told him this morning that the Vancomycin is only good for a 10 run so that only leaves 4 days so keep praying that the mrsa doesnt become resistance to it before it is completely healed...it looks alot better and we are seeing improvement daily.

I did go to my onco appt Friday because David insisted ....things look good there, he took me off the tamox and put me on Femara....anyone here have experience with this drug???

I have a bilateral mammo scheduled for late tomorrow afternoon so please, please keep your fingers crossed that nothing shows!!!!

Hugs

Jule