please help

Makratz

Karen, The others are right!  You are a beautiful person and I'm sure stonger than he now that you have conquered all that you have.  Screw him.  BTW - I love DH!!  Damn Husband for those of you that need it!!

barbe1958

Maybe we'd better say D*H to differentiate between Dear Husband. 

Makratz

Does the * stand for DFH???

lvtwoqlt

I always thought the DH could be for either dear or damn determined by what they were doing at the time, if it was something good it was dear, if you were mad at them it was damn.

Well the next 2 days are going to be boring at work. It is year end and furniture market at High Point. My boss said to not enter any orders for the next 2 days, only forward the faxes addressed to individuals to the appropriate people and hold the orders until Monday when they tell me to enter orders so the year end books can be closed this weekend. I have brought some hand sewing with me to keep me busy at the switchboard.

barbe1958

High Point market! Ooooh I'd love to go! That is my field. Are you in furniture production Sheila? 

lvtwoqlt

I started in the sewing dept for a major furniture factory here in NC in 1984 and worked for several other companies before I came to work where I am now in 1993. I work for a division of a large furniture manufacturer. I used to sew the upholstery but got my degree in computers and transfered to the main office IT department (10 yrs ago) before they shut down the upholstery side of the company, we are now a marketing company of case goods (tables/entertainment units). In all the years I have worked in furniture I have only been to market while it is going on one time. I have gone other years after market to help bring back the IT computers. High Point is about 3 hours away from where I work.

edited to say, please excuse any typos I am still getting used to my glove.

Sheila

Makratz

Sheila, typos???  I don't wear a glove and make so many typos.  I think we should make this a typo judgement free zone.  Is the glove helping??

lvtwoqlt

I know I am a little oc when it comes to typos, my boss has me proof read some of his emails because he is bad with typos and I can usually spot them. About the hand, It is hard to tell yet. I go back tomorrow for a follow-up and we will see if it is helping or if I need to go to the next level support/compression glove.

Sheila

my3girls

Well, my, my..I have been away for a few day's and you ladies have been quite busy!! I tried to read through it all...but I know I will forget most of it..sorry!

I can't see pics here at work..so I can't comment on them.

Karen...smack your husband for me PLEASE!!! Oh..he makes me mad!!! What a rude comment to make to you!!! Darn him! You are beautiful not only on the outside..but more importantly..where it counts..you are one of the sweetest  people ever!!  xoxox to you!!!  I am glad that none of your tests came back with anything serious.  I do know that the tomox will create cysts on the ovaries..that is what happened to me..and that is one of the reasons I had the hysterectomy.

Sheila..you empowered yourself with knowledge..and showed them up! Glad you are getting things handled with the lympho.

Sorry ladies..I know there was allot more...brain farts here!

I have had a ton on my plate as well.

Olivia decided just about 1 week ago to go to her senior prom!! It's May 9th!! try finding a dress now...omg!! her boyfriend lives in Florida..so he wasnt' going to be here..so she had decided not to go. Fine..well then one of her guy friends (since grade school) asked her..and she is going. Now the mad rush to find a dress, order one..see if it fits lalala!

Then Alise calls...crying..she is in allot of pain, tired, and wants her mommy...problem is..she lives almost 3 hrs away!! Find out...she has a bad kidney infection! I am glad she called...I made her go see a doctor right away. So, she is on an antibiotic. She is out of cash...working/school..poor thing..I dont' have allot, but had a friend put a little in her account for me..since I am at work during banking hours! 

I have been trying to scrapbook as much as I can. I have 5 million pics of Olivia..this is quite a job!!! Only on 1996 right now!! Only 12 years to go!! LOL...HELP!!

I have things ordered for her party. Ordered a tent, tables, chairs...made my menue...etc. I know it will all come together when it's time....JUNE 27! SAY A PRAYER LADIES!! LOL

Nancy..sorry about your dad's friend...funny how now we are the protectors of our parents.

Still dating. In fact I have one tonight with Mike.  I am only going out right now with the two that I told you all about. I have seen Marlon 2 times, and Mike, tonight will be the 2nd.  They are both very very sweet and kind men.  I will just continue to go out with both and see what happens. I am more physically attracted to Marlon..but who knows...Mike's personality and kindness means so much to me.  Right now, I am so busy...I can't concentrate on anything serious.

Ok...back to work...clocking out soon.

Just had to pop in and say HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

xoxo
Lisa

barbe1958

All good Lisa! You go girlfriend. You do know that we are all vicariously living through you. Give us the dirt....

honeygirl

Hi to all you lovey ladies!

Karen YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ding dong , bootface is dead! Dinnng dong bootface is dead! Hes gone where the goblens go , belowwwwwwwww , below , below, below ,oh , oh oh oh... Happy dance time!

As for you DFH , Karen , you are one in a million! Never , ever lose sight of the beautiful person that you are , because of hurtful words from someone who loves you. It is a total oxy moron. I am sooooo experienced with this scenario. There is some part of your DFH that feels so insecure , or inadequate. And for some unknown reason , its a mystery to me , they think if they say things like that , it will some how motivate you to better yourself! When it is They who need to better themselves. My ex-DFH , used to criticize me in front of strangers! Never failed. Then one day , it was the straw that broke the camels back , and in front of the "stranger" , I let him have it! I told him don't you ever talk about me that way again! Maybe not that "nicely" though. Things like that really hurt a person. After I divorced him , and was dating , this guy said something jokingly , and hingh sight being 20/20 , it was harmless , but did I go off! I later apologized , but all of a sudden , I felt like I was back with DFH. So careful , don't let him get to you. Just don't show him a negative emotion if you can. Keep your confidance. Say something like , well , "that guy checking me out at the vidieo store today didn't think so"! It will either make him think about what he said , or at least make him know you are confident about yourself. And you should be confident and respectful to yourself. He is soooo lucky to have you Karen. I'm not to sure  about you being lucky to have him. But if you love him , and plan on keeping him , love yourself , and be confident. I think it really makes a difference. OK , sorry to go on , and on. Will get off my soap box now!lol Bottom line Karen , I would never tell you what to do with your marriage , thats not my business , but I will tell you what a great person you are , and know that you are loved , very much!xxxx Mel

Makratz

Mel - Very welll put!  We love you Karen and you are a great person!  I know I'm so glad that I met you!!

 Mel - Sorry you had to go through that too.  I'm happy that you finally gave it back!  You go girl!

honeygirl

Cathi , what adorable Grand babies you have! Soooo precious. How life with Margo doing? I love the pic of her and you , and your bike! I LOVE that bike! I can just imagine , you in the basket , margo peddling her short little legs off!lol I do love that bike though. Makes me want one.

Sheila , hope the swelling in your hand has gone down. Sorry about the LE. Hope the glove works for you. No more weed whacking for you my dear!xxxxx

Hi Makraz! How are you? How are the boys doing? Hope you are having a good moment. Hey , lets have another "happy hour here Saturday". I'll bring the Washington apple shots! Everyone , welcomed!xxxx

Hi Debbie , good to see you here! You keep fighting at the medical center! You deserve the best medical care possible. Stay strong. You are your best advocate. Love you Debbie.xxxxx

AE , hey girl , how are you? Hows our Uncle Bill doin'? I'm sure he is tired and ready to get to the end of chemo. Please give him my love and hugs. My prayers are with you both. xxxxx

Hi Barbe! How are you? Hey girl , lets do happy hour Saturday! Can't wait , hope to see you here!xxxx

Hi Wren , Hope you are feeling better. Hope the family is doing well , and you are having a relaxing evening. Love you girl.xxxx

Hi Sue! How ya doin'? Hows the aches and pains doin'? Hope you are feeling better. Hows the weather there? Ours is finally getting warm. It is suppose to be in the high 70s low eighties tomorrow! Hows David and Daniel doing? Hey , we need an updated pic of those two. They must be getting big! Love you Sue , xxxx

Hi Judie! Oh my. Connor for a month. It will be fine. You may be somewhat tired , and counting the days until Mai comes home. But like Jane said , nice drugs , bubble bath , candles , rejuvenate! I would suggest taking him to a playground , fresh air , running around , swinging , playing with other kids , that will make him tired and sleep good for you. Keep him away from the sugar!lolxxxx

Hi Jane. So good to see you here. I hope all is well with you and your family. Hows your mom doing? When will you get to go see her again? Did you ever draw her hands? Please post some of your drawings here. I would love to see them. How are the boys doing? My boy messaged me , that he missed me and wants me to call him. I miss him soooo much. Its nice to know he misses me too. Hope you are having a good moment.xxxx

Love to all my sisters here. Take care. love you all.xxxx Mel

Makratz

Mel, See you Saturday night.  It's supposed to be 85 here this weekend so I thought  I would make some frozen drinks to celebrate!

I always make enough to share!

honeygirl

Oh Gosh! Lisa , Hey there , sounds like you are really busy! But it will all turn out fine. Olivia could wear a burlap sack and look gorgeous!lol You will find something , I'm sure of that. I'm glad to hear you are dating Marlon and Mike. Keep your options open. Just have fun. Whats ment to be , will be. Hows your dad doing? How about Oliver? Hope they are both doing good. You better get crackin' on that scrapbook!!! 1996 , oh my....

Glad to hear Alise went to the docs and got some meds. Poor thing. I know the last time Adam was home and got really sick. He just leaned on me , and I just held him. No matter how old you are , I think when you are sick , alls you want is mom. OK girlfriend , don't work to hard. Love you , keep updating us on your dates! xxxxx Mel

honeygirl

Oh Makraz! Those look scrumpous! Can't wait!

honeygirl

OK ladies , hope I have enough gumption to write this. I went to my onc on Wednesday. I actually had to cancel my last appt. . It was in March. But he was on vacation , so I couldn't get another appt. until April. My HR person at work asked me , since I am two yrs out from diagnosis , when I would be going to every six months  visits. Because I applied for FMLA again , and she just wondered. We first I wanted to ask you all , do you still get anxious and quesy about going to see your onc? I don't know if it was the longer time in between visits , but I really got anxious this time to see him. I kept thinking something was wrong , and he was gonna give me some bad news. Well , my blood work was fine. Except , he did some hormone tests , and guess what , I am still pre-menopausal!! My hot flashes and no period is the work of tamoxifen. He was going to switch me to an AI , until he saw my test results. This is so scary to me. I haven't had a period for two yrs. My last lab on my hormones were that of a menopausal women. So much so , he was gonna change me to an AI. Thank goodness this one showed I still needed tamoxifen. What if he would of taken me off the tamox. and I was still producing estrogen , and the test would of showed a low reading? It just seems like it can flectuate so much. I am so nervous about this. What if next time he thinks , oh it is down again , lets go to an AI , but I still need the tamoxifen?! I quess I should just let him judge. He is , after all the onky. But it really kinda scared me. I really though I was in menopause , and my last test said no!

The only thing he did say was , "you have gained alot of wieght" why is that? Ladies , my whole insides wanted to say , My life is a mess , I don't know what direction I am going in , and I am an emotional eater and I have eaten myself into a large person once again! But I couldn't say anything , I was just silent. I know weight gain produces estrogen. Thats a big no-no. I've told myself , I've lost this wieght before , and Monday ,only because of payday , I will shop for only "good for me" foods. I really have to do this. Please keep me in your prayers. This is so hard for me to do. I'm really not "stable" in my life yet. But I have to do what is good for me. What I need to do. And I really do feel better when I take care of me. Its just getting that first week of "cleansing" under my belt.

The only other thing he said ,and it is something I have thought about , is my mammogram. He said " they just mammoed your left breast? I said "yes" , and he said , but you had a skin sparing mastectomy? I said yes , And this is what I have thought , he said , well , they took the tissue , but they left the skin , and you could get mets to the skin". He just asked me then , who my doc was , and when I would be going again for a mammo. Which won't be until next year.

But , My tumor was under my nipple , and when they did the mast. my bs said there was nothing else in my tissues , just that tumor , and it was actually starting to grow into my nipple. They took all the tissue , the nipple and surrounding tissue and I had clear margins. So I am guessing thats why they don't mammo it. What do you all think?

Well , the good news is , instead of every three months , he is now seeing me every four. He said because of the risk of blood clots due to the tamoxifen , he doesn't want me to go to six months yet. And the HR person said OK at work.

OK ladies , my goal is , to start healthy eating habits. And not give in to my emotional eating. I can do this. I will feel so much better. Thanks for listening. Love and hugs to you all.

PS Nancy , Fumi , Jule , did I just miss you guys , where are you?!xxxx

geebung

Lisa - enjoy your two lovely men. I'm sure you will make a good choice or maybe keep seeing them both and meet other people! I love your carefree attitude - I'm sure that makes you even more attractive to men. Enjoy this time - it's exciting and for all of us quite vicarious! I hope you find a great dress for the beautiful Olivia (although I have to agree with Mel - she would look good in anything!).

I have been listening to interviews with those two men who raised Christian the lion in London in the 60's. They are launching their book about it. I love the footage on youtube of them meeting up with him in Africa long after he had been released - very moving.

Mel - I love what you said to Karen. You are such a wise and loving soul.

Now, about the issues you raise. I am still pre-menopausal too - at 52. My cycles have been all over the place the last 2 years, with periods often lasting up to a month and even 6 weeks on one or two occasions. Hot flashes have come and gone over the years but I haven't had one for about 6 months but my periods are still reasonably regular. My DCIS was strongly ER+ but my surgeon has never mentioned tamoxifen. I too have put on weight since my dx and I am aware that will increase my estrogen levels. It's so hard to get into a motivated mind-set to eat the right amounts of healthy food and to exercise - particularly when you are unsettled and stressed. I also had a skin-saving mastectomy as it all happened so quickly and I knew nothing about reconstruction and none of my medical people really wanted to discuss it! My DCIS was grades 2 & 3 and all through my breast including in my nipple. A year after the mx, I had a digital mammogram and they mammo-ed my scar and axilla. It sounds uncomfortable but it was quite easy and didn't hurt at all. I think I will opt for digital from now on. According to the final path report, they got clean margins. 

Even though I had call-backs all through my 40s, when it happens now, I get scared.

Mel, my goal is to start exercising more regularly and eating less. It's been hard here lately - cold, lots of rain and fog - not great for walking. The sun is out today and it has really lifted my spirits. I walked to town and it was really enjoyable to look at the beautiful autumn leaves and the blue sky. Everyone I met was happy and commenting on the great weather. It's not going to last for long though! I've made an appointment to see a doctor in Sydney who is also a natural therapist, counsellor etc so I hope her advice will help to motivate me!

I'm still enjoying my art classes. This week we are concentrating on portraits so I'm going to have to insist on my friends & family sitting for me. Honestly, I'm not a great artist so I wouldn't be keen to put photos of my work on here but I do love to draw and paint - and write!

I wish you lived closer Mel - I would love to get together for motivation sessions! Maybe we can try doing it in cyberspace! 

Love to you and all the other wonderful women here and Bill (I hope you are doing ok - I can't remember how long your chemo will go for this time...).

oxoxoxox 

Makratz

Mel-Not sure what to tell you.  I feel for you.  Yes, I get VERY nervous for every doctors appointment that I have.  I am not even a year out yet.  Almost, but not quite.  I think I will always have anxiety before my appointments.

I have gained 12 pounds since I started tamox.  I hate it!  I eat well, exercise and still gain the weight.  I also feel hungrier (sp) than before, but only certain times during the month.  I am premeno, still get periods,hot flashes etc.

Maybe you should start a thread to just talk about ways to control our eating, get more exercise etc.  I was talking to Julz about exercising.  I read these threads while I am on my treadmil.  My DH set up a nice way for it to work for me.  So, if you ever see lot's of typos, which you will, it's because I am on the treadmil trying to type!  Hey, it's silly but it keeps me on the treadmil!

I wish you the best!  You can do this and we can help!!  Good luck shopping! I try to do that too but still have to get junk for the kids.  That's tough for me!

HUGS!

portiasproudmom

Mel, you are such a blessing to us all!!  Thank you for your kind and caring words of wisdom.  It means so much to me!

I'm sorry about all the confusion surrounding your pre or post-menopausal state.  That has to be so frustrating and scary!  As for doing a mammo on your non-breast, I guess it sort of makes sense, but you did have clean margins.  I guess you just have to go with your gut.  Do you have complete faith in your onky?  If so, then maybe you should follow his advise.  Just my opinion.

As for your weight gain issue, I'm right there with you!  Yes, my DFH's comment was rude and uncalled for, but it is true that I've put on tons of weight.  I'm 30 pounds heavier than I was when I was diagnosed!  Maybe we can start our own little weight-loss support group here!

Love and hugs to everyone,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Oh!  Mel, I forgot to mention that as I read about how your ex used to treat you, I had flashbacks of my mom and dad.  He used to get some sort of sick pleasure out of putting her down in front of other people-even complete strangers.  My mom dealt with that until the day my dad died.  I'm so glad you got out of that relationship!  You're one of the most wonderful people I've ever met and you deserve SOOOO much better!!!  Love you, Mel!

Hugs,

Karen

1Cathi

Oh Karen,  I am a day behind on your DH's comment -  RUDE-RUDE-RUDE. I don't care if you have gained 200 pounds, he marrieed you for better/worse, sickness/health  skinny/ or not.  Why is it that men think they can become big fat lazy slobs and then make comments about our weight.  My ex did the same to me,  I gained tons of weight while we were married,  Emotional eating, shortly before I decided to "run for the hills" I started eating right and exercising - I got back from a bike ride one night and he had the balls (actually now that I think back he had NO BALLS) to say "its gonna take alot more than an hour a day to get ride of that fat a$$" mind you this is a man who weighted about 270 pounds (180 when we married),  and there wasn't enough food at an "all you can eat buffet" to feed him. He was always making some rude hurtful comment,  I would get upset - usually cry and then he would say "oh it was only a joke" I finally realized JOKES don't make people cry.  So I wised up lost his 270 fat A$$ pounds and my own 75 - 

Mel you have been through the wringer as well,  your right to say 'healthy eating" thats what worked for me - the word diet just sounded like punishment, anyway you are both BEAUTIFUL no matter what ANYONE says.  UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rude nasty comments!!!!!

my3girls

Hi sisters,

 Again..thanks for your support and good wishes. Live all you want through me...but it's not that exciting! lol. But if it is...I will give juicy details!! lol

Still have not figured out the prom dress situation. I say..borrow one. I am afraid that the dress will not fit..then we have to pay 40.00 to return..and it will be just day's before the prom..then what does she do. She said she has shopped and not found one. the one online is beautiful..pricey, but I don't think it is going to fit. Oh the DRAMA!!!

Mel...I agree with everyone else...YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST WORDS TO COMFORT, HELP, UPLIFT...everyone!!! You are such a special, special sister and friend to all of us!!! I just Love you Mel!! I have met you in person..so I know what a sweet, lovely woman you are.   NOW...on to the good stuff.  When it comes to the mammo on the reconstructed breast...you know that my dx is the same..my tumor was in the same location as yours...and my onc and my breast surgeon, and I see both of them every 3 mos. (which reminds me...I was to schedule for this month..whoops) they say NO need for the mammo. they do examine it...but no to a mammo. Hope that helps you. I had a skin sparing mast also.  And the EATING HEALTHY...dont' like the D word.  You can do it. We have all gained weight since dx..and much of the gain is our age as well. Our metabolism has slowed down considerably. And the fact that the estrogen is being blocked is another factor in the gain.  So...just put your mind to the fact that you are going to buy healthy foods. Buy yourself some low fat, healthy snacks..so that you don't completely deny yourself the treats. Because I have learned, when you do that..you are more likely to CHEAT in a big way.  Eat as much fiber as you can..because that fills you up.  If when you watch any tv..get a small set of weights..and do some arm repetitions..or some leg squats with the weights in your hands. The more muscle mass we create..the more calories we burn. I will be here for you Mel...it's not easy..BUT I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. The weather is getting better..so you can get out and take walks. I am here for you!!!! xoxo

Ok...girls, Barbie, Mel...Makraz..and whomever else is joining on Sat. night...I will check in and see if we are having that cocktail party!! woohooo!

Jane..I love that you-tube of the 2 guys with the lion!! That is so incredible. Olivia showed it to me...very special!

Mel..my dad is doing well...Oliver is good...in fact he woke me up this moring..otherwise I would have been late for work, and Liv late for school! I guess I stayed out a little too late on my date!

Back to work..leaving soon.  I'll check in tomorrow while I am here!

Love ya ladies..and UB!

xoxo

Lisa

AnneW

Hello, ladies. I've been AWOL for a while, but I haven't stopped thinking about you all. I'm busy with work and getting ready for big big big surgery May 19. I'm going to Charleston to have my implants removed and then a simultaneous bilateral SGAP reconstruction. I'm blessed to have really good insurance that didn't even blink when getting it approved. And blessed to have a surgeon who takes what TriCare pays, Which to me, isn't nearly enough.

I think my current PS has "fired" me, but I don't know for sure. He doesn't believe I need this surgery. Granted his handiwork looks good, but feels awful. He is at a loss as to why I'm uncomfortable, and is the analytical type who wants to know WHY something is broken before trying to fix it. reasonable, but not always possible.

He sent me to his partner for an opinion about my pain (I had already made up my mind I was going to do the GAP surgery by then) and she and I had a total disconnect in communication. She kept telling me things that were not true about this GAP surgery (she hasn't done any herself, and I've done my research)--and I was saying, "No, you're wrong," and she kept saying "You're not listening to me!." Sheesh. I was so frustrated I nearly cried. I thought I was going to need their support for my insurance approval. (I didn't, ultimately!)

I wrote a letter to my PS explaining my frustration, owning my own part of it--wanting them to say what I wanted to hear. Explained that I wasn't trying to burn bridges, that I respected his work and all he's done for me, but that I think the GAP surgery is best.

I needed to get a local doc to help me post-op with a check up and drain removals. I asked him and his nurse three times via email and voice mail if they'd help, and there's been nothing but silence. Oh well. My breast surgeon, however, is more than happy to be there for me, even though I haven't seen her in a year and a half.

ANYway, it's been a ride, and I've got a lot ahead of me. I found this affirmation today that resonated with me, and I want to share it with you all.

Thanks for being here!

May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly
where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts
that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this
knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

Anne

livesstrong

Ladies- Hope everyone is doing well. I had 2 treatments this week and Treanda is kicking my ass BIG TIME!!!!  Anyway, dig this- a short time ago I said to Valerie, "Do you realize we have been together for 26 years". She proceeded to make a face of total disgust. Can you believe it! Total disgust. What the hell is that about? Hoping you all may be able to shed some light on her reaction. BTW- she said she will be on later. Have a great day, everyone.

Bill

livesstrong

DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD OF WHAT UB SAID ABOUT ME!!! LOL.

Be back later.

AE

barbe1958

I'll take you Uncle Bill, pick me! Pick me!

I do have a feeling, though, that AE won't let you go......sigh.

1Cathi

Bill, I think the 26 years just makes us feel "older" But AE we are fine wine. Of coarse I will just be celebrating year 3 married (to Mr Right) in a few weeks (6+ total). When I looked at the other %$%#@ after many many years it was with real "disgust" 

Anyway you guys rock and heres to another 26++++++++

XOXOXOXOXOXO

my3girls

So when is the anniversary?? 28 years!!! Congratulations!! Like Cathi said...I too spent too many years with the wrong one!  OH well...live and learn.  I would have been married 28 years this October if I had stayed married.

Enjoy the beautiful day ladies!!!!

Grace61