please help

Makratz

Such kind words, Bill.  It is so good to hear from you. I have been following your story and praying for you.  I think about you often.  I wish you well and hope the new chemo works wonders.   BTW - I think we should tell Karens husband!! 

Anonymous

Oh, Bill...it's so good to hear from you. Fighting for 9 years must certainly have taken some of the starch out, but I'll bet Valerie just pours it back in. You are very lucky to have each other. You've walked the yellow brick road several times, and here you are again. Let you hallucinations be the Emerald City where some of us are cheering you on while the rest walk alongside. We love having our UB with us.

About the mets subject: I kind of understand. The threads are labeled clearly, and the women there have all our struggles with added ones we don't share. Frankly, I would tend to be a bit irritable if I were a member of the group. I personally believe that my comments wouldn't carry much weight in some of the conversations because I haven't been there, so when I occasionally read, I just offer silent support. However, I wish for more gentleness at times. It's all very tough. When one reaches out in kindess and support, it is painful to be rejected.

Sue, dear, welcome home for however long you stay. So much spunk, so much terror. One day at a time...just please take care of yourself and don't run away from what needs doing. We are right there with you.

kmccraw423

Hugs to all of you.  Cathi - with your face and legs I wouldn't worry about boobs - you are gorgeous!

Towhee - I agree.  I don't have mets and I don't know how they feel - I can't possibly know how they feel.  I try to stay in those threads that I can talk about from experience.  I think we all feel like we want to reach out to ALL our sisters.  But I understand how our met sisters feel.

Karen - had I ever been married I might have some advice but I haven't and probably would have hit him in the head with a frying pan - not that I advocate violence, mind you.

I have to go back and re-read some sections because I have already forgotten what I wanted to say (and I haven't had chemo so I can't blame it on that).  My story is that I was oxygen deprived during the mastectomy which affected my brain and I am sticking with that story.

portiasproudmom

Good morning everyone!  Just a quick pop-in as I'm still feeling a little yucky today.  Going to the game last night probably didn't help, but it was worth it--LOTS of fun!

UB, you are a sweetheart!  Thanks for the compliment on my avatar photo.  My daughter convinced me that I needed a more flattering photo.  I guess she was right!  I won't tell my hubby.  Though Linda's right---I probably should.  He's been a major butthead lately!  Wow....nine years is a long time.  I can only imagine how tired you must be.  You're such an inspiration.  Please don't ever give up the fight!  Val (and the rest of us) need you!  Your hallucination comments cracked me up!  Good to see you still have your sense of humor despite the challenges you're facing.  God Bless you, dear UB!!

Welcome kmccraw!  You know, I probably should have hit him with a frying pan.  Don't know if it would have knocked any sense into him, but it would have made me feel better!

Love and hugs to all,

Karen

barbe1958

That's it Karen! Come on, give us the juice from last night.

portiasproudmom

Well, I didn't take yours and Linda's advice to wear something "tempting".  There was a gal in the box next to us wearing her heels, tight skinny jeans, and metallic leather jacket.  She just didn't fit in!  I wore my Mariner's shirt and baseball hat.  It's so funny---it doesn't seem to matter what you wear, all the guys check you out when you walk in.  Boys will be boys.......

I'm trying to post pics, but for some reason I'm not being allowed to.  It keeps telling me to disable my pop-up blocker, and I have, but it still doesn't work!  Grrrr!!  I'll post a link to my picasa album.  I also posted some on FB.

http://picasaweb.google.com/portiasproudmom/ChaseSFirstMarinerSGame?feat=email#

Hugs,

Karen

Makratz

Great pictures!  Looks like you all had fun.

my3girls

I can't believe I was able to view your pic's from the game Karen!  Awesome..that is always blocked here at work. You have such a beautiful infectious smile!! Chase..what a living doll! Looks like fun...I LOVE BASEBALL!!

Karen..what are your pains like?  I forgot to look back before I started posting. I too am having some weird pains on my left side..low near my hip..but almost where an ovary would be. It hurts if I take deep breaths too! I had a total hysterectomy...so not sure what this is???? hmmm??

UB...thanks for posting! I love to read a post from you! OMG...I was laughing outloud sitting here in my office after reading about the hallucinations and your "jaded" past...lol. I can TOTALLY relate...I was a party girl too!! I am so happy that you and Val have each other.  Your relationship is something to aspire to for (Me) and for everyone else to admire! You are both very special people to me!! After Olivia's graduation party is over...I need to plan that NYC trip and come and see the two of you and Nancy!!  This time, I will make it!!  So..you keep getting better so you are strong enough to go out and PARTY with us!!!

Sue...honey..so good to see you!! Don't worry about all of your aches and pains...you are going to be fine sweetie!  Just go get yourself checked..so you don't WORRY!! Remember...WORRY IS FOR SHIT!! Love you Sue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well..going on that date tonight!! Really looking forward to meeting him.  He really sounds great...the other guy I went out with on Monday wants to go out again...hey why not?  Having fun!! That's what counts.  What the heck, free drinks, food...lol

I need to have Olivia take my pic...I am wearing my hair straight today...you guys will be so shocked at how long it has gotten, even with all of my  haircuts!  I promise to do it soon.

Ok..ladies back to work.

Sheila..hope your arm is doing well. Hello to Jane!!! Shirlann...Nancy, Makraz, Mel, JUDIE, Barbie...Val, and all of my dear sisters that my brain is having trouble remembering.

xoxo

Lisa

portiasproudmom

Hi Lisa!  I'm glad you were able to look at the pictures.  It was a fun evening!  I haven't been to a Mariner's game in nearly ten years!

I have a lot of "traveling" pain.  Sometimes I hurt down where my ovaries are.  Mostly, the pain is under my breastbone and just to the right of that.  Also, I have pain on both sides below my waist (it's worse on the right).  In the evening, the pain radiates down to my lower back and up to my shoulder blade on the right side.  I sure hope tomorrow's CT scan sheds some light on the situation.

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Oh!!!  And have fun on your date tonight!!!

Makratz

Have fun tonight, Lisa!

my3girls

Thanks girls!! I will.  I just hope this pain goes away. Maybe it's a pulled muscle. It feels just like it does if you get a side ache from running...or when you ovulate.  But...I have no ovaries!!???? Also, I have been very bloated around my mid section.  Strange! Trying to drink allot of water right now.

barbe1958

Lisa, I think you need some good lovin'.... that'll fix anything! Have a good time tonight.

Karen, hugs for tomorrow. Please, keep us posted on this site so we don't have to hunt you down!

sueps

Hi Dear Sisters 

Have fun tonite Lisa... I just dont know where ya get the energy from LOL x

Karen I will be thinking of you and you will have good results... I am aching all over still since treatment... it is freakin peeing me off ...my bones feel like they are disintergrating...

I have a day off sick tomorrow ... geez I had to email my area manager to beg for a day off!  

I desperately want to come for a trip over this year... and the company are like well you cant really think bout September...and you cant have May off the shareholders are coming over then again they may come in June FFS ... I have lost all respect for the job lately ... working all of Easter all of Xmas with no extra pay...anyway I am now thinking maybe I shoudnt take tmw off!

My cat has jumped on me and I will be back later cos hes squashing me lol xxx 

sueps

lololol  Lisa like Barbe said good loving...hhahaha ...a good slap up meal n all and a skinful of drinks! xxxxxxx  ohhhhhhhhhh I love yas all.

UB XXXXXX tell AE to look @ facebook I asked her bout a webcam xx 

NanaOfTen

Hello all,

I've read all your posts and you are all in my prayers. Cathi, you adn your daughter, I have checked in every couple of days just to see if you posted anything re her status ... my thought are with you. Geebug, Nettie, thanks for thinking of me.

Sue, sorry you are under the weather again. I am tneg, too. my doc calls it the Beast!! I look forward to being done with my chemo txs, then I think of the every 3 months of blood tests, 6 months of cat/pet scans ... for life, I know you worry. 

I really wish I could say what I want here. I learned early in my posts that even though we want to be open we really can't be. When I was honest, i usually got a reply that made me just delete my post. Someone telling me I "shouldn't" feel that way. That's how the persons w/o cancer talk, the ones who don't understand. I was surprised at the first time one of my posts got a response like that (it was not this thread) as we are suppposed to be more understanding towards each other. So, I keep things in.

Been a while since I've posted. Been out of sorts. My last chemo tx really kicked my butt. The doc tried me on a third pain med (not all together ... lol, the others only made me feel loopy but did nothing for the pain, the pain was still there so I was left feeling goofy and crying from the pain - not good, didn't know where to put myself) and this one finally gave me some relief. Made it more bearable. Having pain problems before the chemo only makes the se's come on harder. Right now I am fight a nasty head cold and chest cold. Five more chemos to go.

This yellow brick road sure has a lot of bricks that stick up in the road, tripping ya on the way to the emeral city!  July 23 is the last chemo, woo hoo. Yes, it's on my calendar.

I was to have my look good, feel better class yesterday but had to reschedule to next month because of the cold. I want to have fun with that. One of the ladies I met is going with me. She just finished her tx's, got her port out already! (I was told mine has to stay in at least another year after the end of tx ... just to be sure... but Carol is not trip - so she got her's out soon) Anyway, she had this lydacaine cream she put on the port skin before the infusion and she gave me what was left over ... am looking forward to seeing how it works. She said it really numbs the area up nicely so you don't feel the needle go in as much.

I got out my paints, pencils, etc., and am working on getting busy with my art again. I was thinking it might be a nice way to get me to relax and to enjoy life right now. I need to work on the portrait for my granddaughter ... she has no idea I am doing it so it will be a nice surprise for her.

I'm on FB ... but how do you all find each other with nick names?

Cheryl

portiasproudmom

Hi Cheryl!  It's good to see you!  I'm sorry you've been feeling out of sorts.  Sorry that chemo is hitting you so hard.  Having a cold on top of it all doesn't help.  I was so lucky...no more than the sniffles during the 4 1/2 months I did chemo. 

Hang in there!  Please post some pics of your artwork when you've finished some pieces. 

There are several of us on FB---Sue, Judie, Linda, Barbe, Fumi, Jane, Val (AE), Melody, and me.  PM us your full name and we can look you up and ask you to be friends with us!

Hugs,

Karen

Wren

My dear sweet friends... I've been reading all your posts and thinking of you and praying for you all every day.

I have had two weeks of the most bizzare circumstances (nothing life-threatening) that I have been unable to even post.

First, I had a hair disaster two weeks ago... I went to the same stylist who has done my hair for years and is a top colorist to have her dye my hair back to my normal color (dishwater blonde) from the bleached blonde that it was... and much to our surprise it turned RED... Howdy Doody red... and she tried for TWO days to fix it...  until I finally went to a premium salon and they did their best with a new cut and color highlights...

 The hair colorist thinks that perhaps all the surgeries put some chemical into my hair that caused a totally unpredictable reaction because there is really no explanation why this happened.

Then two days later, my areaola tattoos were canceled because someone forgot to do an allergy test --so I had that done and rescheduled for the next week... AND had to go back and have MORE hair adjustments... so there I was, no areaolas and strawberry blonde hair...

I could deal with that OK, until the weekend when I ended up in the ER with a serious intestinal infection. I will spare you the details but it was horrific... and painful. My white count was off the wall... and my poor intestines...

So... I rested a few days and poor dear daughter calls from college with some freakish eye pain... so the same day I'm having a CT scan of my tummy she rushes home from college and has a CT scan of her head... What are the odds of that? 

 She has some kind of sinus cyst but the doctors (and she saw three, opthalmologist, EENT, and family doc) now think she needs a neuro... but she is mildly better -- thank goodness...

 I lost four pounds without even trying and then got my tattoos (which are too orangey for my liking, but at least they are fading and in some parts didn't take at all) ...

 Then today, a week and two days later, I had minor surgery to remove a fold of skin in my cleavage; where I DO have feeling. So here I sit on pain meds and nausea meds.

 BUT, I am thankful and happy. I do have pretty hair, I do have some kind of nipple/areaola (even if they don't look even or perfect) and my tummy is much better...

 Hubby got a pink ribbon tattoo on his upper arm so he would be like me and have one too--and that is just so sweet... (if you knew what a nerdy science teacher guy that he is you would neve in a million years think of him as a tattoo guy; and he has a fear of needles).... Even I can't believe it.

I just could NOT post all my trivial drama when I was still reeling from it all... and it just pales in comparison to some of the more serious stuff...

 But you can laugh that for a while I was a RED headed Howdy Doody with no areaolas.... and a diet of Gatorade and rice... Thankfully, I can eat almost normal foods again...

 Life is weird. Cancer is weirder because it puts us in situations where we end up saying and doing things we never imagined...

At least I know that I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.

Thank you ladies for your inspiration.

Makratz

Nana - you should be able to speak your mind her. I hope you feel comfortable coming back to us.  We have missed you!  We are on facebook too, just PM one of us and you'll be able to find us all.

Wren - my heart goes out to you for all that you've been through.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Stay strong!

geebung

It's late at night so I apologise in advance for any vagueness!

Cheryl, I was so glad to see your post but so very sorry about your bad reaction to the last chemo all the rotten pain and now a cold. As far as I am concerned, I don't mind what people post - so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else's feelings. We all have things in common but we all come from different backgrounds and have a huge range of experiences and reactions to these experiences so individual feelings are perfectly valid. Please feel free to vent! It's good for you to get things off your chest. It's a pity you missed out on the LBFB workshop but when you feel better, you will have more fun with it. Good to hear that you are getting your art started again - should be good therapy. 

Wren, what a rough time you have had too - so sorry to hear about it all. Hair disasters are no fun but I had to laugh at your description of a "Howdy Doody strawberry blonde with no areolars"! I have heard many women say they are not happy with the initial colour (of their tats) but they usually seem to come right or they get them re-done. Good luck with it. My goodness - the intestinal infection sounds dreadful and the worry over your daughter as well...then the skin fold op. I think you have good cause to have a rant. Hope everything is smooth sailing from now on. Loved hearing about your sweet hubby and his tat - the dear man.

Sue - hope you are resting and feeling better!

Karen - hope you are feeling better too and that you can get some relief from all the pain. Love your photos on FB. Chase is too cute and you look great even though I know you weren't feeling well.

Bill - loved your post! You are fantastic! Please come back again soon! 

Must go to sleep. Love to all!

xoxox

PS - Lisa - love your laid back attitude to your dating - the latest two guys sound very promising - have fun on your dates! And remember - we want all the juice as Barb says!!

lvtwoqlt

Wren, our husbands could be twins!!! My husband isn't a nerdy guy but a tough trucker but hates needles and got a pink ribbon tattoo on his arm for me. The artist who did his tattoo didn't charge us the full price for the tattoo because it was a memorial tattoo, not just a tattoo because he wanted ink.

The areola will change some from what you see initially and parts of my first time didn't take either and I let the PS office try again. Although mine that the ps office did was orange tinged and I did have them touched up by Earleen. She is the cosmetic pigmentologist who specalizes in areolas and uses multiple colors and shading to create areolas that look real. If you don't like them down the road, come and see me and I will take you to Earleen for some great looking areola tattoos.

Sheila

geebung

Sheila - have you got your referral to your LE person yet? How are you feeling?

lvtwoqlt

The girl at the doctors office called me yesterday afternoon (3:00 pm) and wanted to know exactly why I was wanting the referral and what I was wanting them to do at the therapy clinic. I told her that I had swelling in my hand and because of the nodes being gone (3 under the right and 4 under the left) I was needing a consultation to see if it was LE along with base line measurements. She said she would call the therapy clinic and get the appointment and call me back, but no call back yesterday. My hand doesn't hurt just looks funny between my thumb and index finger on my left hand. It is hard to tell if the swelling is moving up towards my wrist since that hand/wrist was always smaller than the right side (wrist measurement almost 1/2 inch different). If I don't hear anything by 11:00 I will call back and pester them again.

Sheila

geebung

Sheila, you can have LE without having obvious swelling. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right, even though you can't see much. Hope you hear back soon. Good luck with it.

Now I'm definitely off to bed with my cat and a hot water bottle!

barbe1958

Holy crap Sheila, what do you mean "what do you need a referral to an LE clinic for?" Doi....

Wren, I don't know you very well, so I hope I don't offend you....Maybe the tattooist based your aureola colour on your hair colour! There IS a correlation between blonds, brunettes, etc and their nipple colour..... 

Also, even if it doesn't change, you'll get used to it and if they touch it up, that might look wrong until you get used to it too! Human nature is funny....

Cheryl you are so right about getting back to tapping your creative side. I've stopped since testing started and someone reminded me about it a couple days ago. I, too, am an artist and my soul needs feeding! 

lvtwoqlt

Barb and geebung, I am aware of the problems of LE and not obvious swelling. This referral is coming from my family doctor, my surgeon moved to Charlotte but before he moved he released me. I don't see an oncologist, and I only see my PS once a year so I thought the family doctor would be able to get me that appointment. They didn't even realize that the local health/fitness/therapy center run by the hospital even had a LE trained therapy available. I am thinking about taking a brochure from the clinic to my doctors office to explain the reasons for LE treatment early. Here I am on my soap-box again trying to convert the masses.

Earleen told me that the color you see in the bottle before the tattoo is done changes when it goes under the skin based on the skin tone. I am not sure the exact combination that gets the orange tones but she was able to correct my color problem.

Sheila 

my3girls

thinking of Karen....hope the scan goes well!

Cheryl..so sorry to hear about your last chemo! They really do suck! And to be sick on top of it..you poor thing! The yellow brick road is a bit bumpy at times! Hang in their girlfriend..we are here for you!

Wren...good to see you again!! We missed you! Wow..what a crazy, nutty week you had! I had to laugh at your description! About the tattos...mine compared the color to my real one. But they do fade quite a bit. I have had mine done 2 times. They did it the second time, very dark..and it's dark still, but fading..good luck.  I think that is sweet that your hubby and Sheila's got a pink ribbon tatto! Great guys!

Good to see you Sue!! I hope you get a darn blasted vacation!! GRRRRRRRRRR

Jane..I hope you slept well..and feel well rested today!

My pain from yesterday...went away last night...right about the time I had my meeting (date)!  Barbie maybe you were right! lol

Date went well...he is very nice, christian man...and very very handsome! Now..not sure how he felt about me...I guess time will tell!

back to work ladies

xoxo

Lisa

portiasproudmom

Not sure how he felt about you??  How could he not absolutely LOVE you???  He sounds like a good guy, so I hope you guys go out again!

I was wrong about my procedure today.....I'm having the MRI of my hip today and the CT scan of my abdomen/pelvis isn't until Monday.  I'm glad your pain went away, Lisa.  I had a similar pain last week.  I do still have my ovaries, but I don't ovulate anymore and I just had a pap and she didn't feel any masses or anything down there.  Don't know what the pain was all about.

Wren, I had to giggle as well when I read about your Howdy Doody hair and orange areolas!  You poor thing!!  What a shock the haircolor thing must have been for both you and your hairdresser!  I can't even imagine!  And your poor daughter!  What a time you've had.  Hang in there!  Things are bound to get better.  Your husband is a total sweetie for getting that tattoo!  HUGS!!!

Sheila, you just keep calling until you get results!  I can't believe what a difficult time you're having getting this appointment.  It just shouldn't be so hard!

Hugs to all!  I'll bbl--after my MRI this afternoon.

Karen

my3girls

Karen...well, good luck on the MRI today.  Let us know!  Well...Karen..I have been out on about 3 or 4 other dates...and nobody was interested...so trust me..they don't LOVE me...lol. Everyone is different looking for something different. I think with the first couple guys..they knew about my cancer..and maybe that was it...and if so...SEE YA LATER!  I hope I hear from him again...and if not..he is not the one God wants me with...that's all.  This whole dating thing is so FOREIGN to me! lol

Makratz

Karen, Good luck today.  Don't make us hunt you down.  Let us know how it went.