please help

lvtwoqlt

Karen, he is an insensitive jerk. and I don't think that he will try to make it up to you because he's right and your wrong (in his eyes).

The reason I am trying to help the newly diagnosed in my community is I was going to the local support group before my dx with my mother and became good friends with the other women. After my dx one of the ladies who was stage IV and having problems of her own, took me into the restroom and showed me her bilat scars so I wouldn't be scared when I first saw my scars. I just want to pass on the love that Mary showed to me as well as all the others in the group who all said "that suxs Sheila we're here for you". The day after my surgery was the ACS luncheon (Hawaii themed) and of course I was in the hospital and unable to attend. The support group made sure that I had a 'goodie bag' from the luncheon, one of the hula dolls from the table decorations and several of them gave me their door prizes as well.

Sheila

NancyD

}{{{Hugs}}}} Karen.

We know some men can't stand to have their loved ones sick...it means they just MIGHT have to step up and do some extra work around the house. It seems they don't mind having to pull an extra shift or overtime at their job, but when it comes to handling the dishes or a meal, or (heaven forbid!!!) cleaning, they just want to walk away from it all.

And then there are some people who can't stand the spotlight to be taken away from themselves...who live to feed their ego. Not saying your DH is that kind, but I've run into them, both male and female. And they're the worst. 'Cause nothing you do, not even dying, is worse than "what they've gone through."

I think deep down, your hubby just wants you to be well because he loves you. Sometimes, it comes out badly, like worrying about how to pay for medical care (or that ultrasound) or loss of your household skills for a while. But when the chips are down and he stays around, you know you've got a keeper (and just have to let the lack of verbal self-censorship roll off your back).

LRM216

Karen, can you put him online with us?  We would all be only too happy to have a discussion with him. This is going to sound awful, I know, but these are the times I am grateful for being a widow.  They can be so ungodly unfeeling at times, can't they?  Hang in there, and stay strong.  YOU do what YOU have to do.

Hugs,

Linda

Makratz

Karen,

I feel for you.  I think NancyD and others are right.  I'm sure he deeply cares for you but just doesn't know what to do.  You've both been through so much already and I'm sure he doesn't want to think about you having to go through it again.  Do you have a close friend nearby that you can talk to?  Maybe someone who can help you get the US?  If insurance won't cover it, ask the hospital what your options are. 

Keep coming here and rant away!  That's what we're here for. 

The other Linda AKA Makraz

portiasproudmom

Thanks ladies.  You're all so great!  I got up this morning and didn't even look at the big putz.  I know you're probably right, Nancy.  He just can't stand the thought of me being sick again.  I just wish he'd work on being a little more sensitive.  I don't think he even realizes how he comes across.

We actually do have insurance, Linda.  It changed in December though, and our deductible is higher and they only pay 90% for major medical.  Our co-pay is higher too.  I think he's just frustrated because he's had to pay so much out of pocket already this year and it's only April. 

Have a great day, everyone!

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

I love your new avatar, Nancy!  Is that your natural hair color?  I envy natural redheads!!

Makratz

Seems like your feeling better today, Karen.  Glad to hear that. 

I love Nancys hair color too!

Shirlann

Karen, Honey, the new way they take out gall bladders is laparoscopically.  Three tiny incisions.

My friend had it done and came in and we went out to lunch.  Boy, was she mad she waited so long.  It was NOTHING.  

Your other better pray heartily that he will NEVER get sick!  Start recording his nasty remarks and you can play them back to him while he begs you for help.  The Jerk.

Love you all, Shirlann

geebung

((((((((((Karen))))))))) I'm thinking of you. I hate that he said that. He probably won't say sorry which makes it even harder for you to get over but I hope he realises how much he has hurt you and makes it up somehow. I hope you can get the tests done soon. Maybe then he will see that you aren't imagining things - it certainly sounds like gall bladder problems to me.

Nancy - you look fantastic! I think that style & colour really suits you - very chic!

portiasproudmom

Shirlann, he has had some pressure and a burning sensation under his ribcage for a while, as well.  So, of course he had to tell me that he has gallbladder problems too and isn't being a baby about it.  He DID go for an u/s a few months ago, and if I recall correctly, the doc told him it was nothing.  Sheesh!!!!

Thanks for the support my dear sisters!!  Don't know what I'd do without you all!

Hugs,

Karen

footprintsangel

Karen, You are in my prays, I hope hope things start going better for you. Hang on and remember

you have alot of friend here that care. Hope you fined out what you need and life slows down.

Take care, Debbie

portiasproudmom

You're so sweet, Debbie.  Thank you for your words of support.  I'll respond to your pm tomorrow.  Take care and hang in there, sweetheart!

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

I have the dreaded onky appt tomorrow.  I need prayers, girls (and UB).  Repeat after me:  The aches and pains are arthritis and gallbladder!!! 

Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and hugs to all,

Karen

footprintsangel

Remember Karen, You are very special and God will help you threw.

I know, I drove myself to chemo and home, Thats my miracle. Just

keep thinking good thoughts, That helps me. Take care. God loves

you and so do I. Debbie

geebung

Karen, I will pray for the best outcome from tomorrow's onc's appointment and am sending you my best thoughts and wishes. You will be seeing your doctor on Easter Friday?

Is Australia the only country that shuts down on Easter Friday? It's like Christmas day here - everything is shut - banks, shops, doctors (except for emergencies and hospitals).

NancyD

Good luck Karen. I truly believe it's the gallbladder.

Jane, things get very quiet on Good Friday...many mass transit systems work on a reduced schedule but that's because so many people take off. It's not an offical holiday, though. Things are more quiet this year because it coincides with Passover.

BTW, my hair color is a close to my original as Clairol can get (lol). At 57, I have been coloring my hair for almost 30 years (got my father's premature gray gene). I was hoping chemo would do something amazing and I would have color again, but it came back very white/gray. Thanks for all the compliments!

Makratz

Karen,

Best of luck today.  I know it's the gallbladder too!  Hang in there.Sending some prayers your way.

HUGS!!

my3girls

Quick pop in....HELLO!! At work...I have read most of the posts..going to lunch now..I'll bbl..to catch up!!

xoxo

Lisa

Karen....sorry...but I think he has been a jerk to you...one time too many!! Darn him!!

cloudhowe

Hi Karen

Good luck for tomorrow. My thoughts on what your partner has said is unprintable. Likewise the awful comments from the MIL from hell about having boobs cut off. Beyond reprehensible!

Had chemo today -my 3rd (put off because I have been ill) and - glass half full! my 2nd last. We too close down for the Easter weekwnd, but the onc unit today was busy, busy very busy! They couldn't use the vein in my hand, so they used my other hand, the one they are meant to avoid. They think it may be ok by next FEC, when I will see the consultant. Slapped on the Arnica - I may be ill, feel ill, but do NOT want to look or act ill!.

Happy Easter darlings, have a lovely time (I love Easter) and be good to youselves.

Karen - don't know what to say. Know what I would say, but, then I am unmarried! (Connection, perhaps?) I think it's shameful that your health care is measured in cents.And that you have to decide if you can afford to have essential health care delivered. Don't want to get political here ....

Nancy - hope your charming brother has cooled his heels! Hair looks awesome, by the way! I have no idea how mine will come back. Voyage of discovery!

Cathy - any more news on Jacklyn? Boy, you have been messed around! I still believe she will be ok, though the procedure sounds awful. How's Margot? Gettign bigger. Need more photies please! 

To all of you special sisters

Tartan hugs - still love you all like jellytots

Nettie

ps - I have immersed myself so much in the chemo that I have just realised that I know next to nothing about the surgery!!!! It holds no fear, think it will be a lump and lymph removal, but how long should I expect to be in hosp?? I know it varies, but feedback would be gratefully appreciated. Ta much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1Cathi

Hi All,

I have just skimmed through the posts, missing a few days sure does leave you feeling out of the loop. 

Karen - I am praying that you get just "gallbladder" verdit, or better yet a big fat nothing.  I hope all the other girls are right that DH just is "scared" and he is one of those prehistoric baboons that knows no other way to express himself,  but I'll be honest and say his tone so sounds like my Ex. I just absolutely hate to see/hear of woman being spoken to in that manner - XOXOOXOX -Love yeah.

To everyone else wishing you a wonderful Easter.   UB/AE, specials prayers sent your way.

Sooooo on to the bad news (I apologize in advance to the girls on the Housework thread who have read this already).  Jaclyn did not get good news on her test results, we are definetly dealing with malignant cells.  To what extend we still don't know, we go back on the 15TH.  I want her to go to the Cancer Center I went to, they have specialist for Cervical there, 

I am finding it very hard not to be "MOM' not to butt in, not to say "you should do this or that". Finding it hard to except she is 28 a mom, a grown woman and she will/can make her own choices.  This really stinks. I had a horrible dream the other night,  that both she and I were gone from here and the children were just standing in the middle of a street crying.

She hates this picture, but it is a favorite of mine 9she says she is fat in it), it is Halloween in 06, I was having a bad Tamox and rads days, my eyes look it. But still love the picture.

Makratz

Cathi - your family is beautiful!  I can understand you wanting to be a Mom now.  You are in a tough position.  Hopefully your daughter will realize how much experience you have and come to you for advice and support.  Sending prayer and hugs to you.  We miss you!

1Cathi

Here yeah go Nettie.

 

 Margo is a Vegitarian - Loves Cucumbers and Carrots

1Cathi

And for all you kitty lovers  -This is my Roxie -she loves Margo and loves to get on the back of furniture and do the big swoop in on her, then they sprint through the house.

 

livesstrong

Hi Ladies,

 As usual you are a chatty bunch - I think I have read everything but doubt I remember it all.

UB is hanging in there - just very fatigued from this new chemo and totally disgusted with it all ready. Can't say I blame him.

Where do I start - 

Karen - how do I say this politely - your DH is an a&* hole.  You are NOT a hypochondriac. Boy, I'd like to punch his lights out.  How did you make out at the oncky?

 nettie - 3 down!!  woohoo!  Your almost at OZ!!

Nancy - LOVE the new do!!   My hair is still salt & pepper but i have decided by the summer its going to be golden brown!!! lol.

Cathi - (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) - to you & your DD.  Can't imagine going through that so young. Damn I hate this disease.

Sheila - you are such a sweetheart - you give so much of your time. God is watching you, that's  for sure.

 Big shout out to foots, mel, jane, judie, shirlann, lisa and to all the new ladies who have decided to sit a spell and join us. To our Sue - I'm going to miss you around here.

Gotta run,

Love you all,

AE

Makratz

AE - sending some love and prayers to both you and UB.  I'm sure he is disgusted with everything he's been through.  Tell him to hang in there.  We are all praying for him!

honeygirl

To all my sweet sisters here and our Uncle Bill ,

Love to you all , Melody xxxxxox

kmccraw423

Karen:  What a dreadful and hurtful thing to say to you.  I was lucky (and I am not married) and no one said anything bad to me except:

Youngest sister kept trying to compare my bilateral mastectomy to her breast augmentation - uh, hers was elective - mine - not so much.

My PCP, in trying to voice his concern regarding reconstruction told me it is not like, at my age, that I'm looking for a husband.

BTW, my doc thought my chest pain was gallbladder but suggested a cardiac consultation to "make sure."  Bottom line - heart stopped on the treadmill in the cardiologist's office.  Please, I am not saying that is what you have - it probably is gallbladder - my symptoms were not like yours.

Happy Easter to all.

kmccraw423

Cathi - Margo is too cute.  We had Boston Terriers and the spot on top of the head I referred to as their "kiss spot."

honeygirl

Karen , I'm so sorry your hubby said that to you. I'm not gonna berate him. I don't like what he said , but he is your husband , and thats what upsets me so. He is the one beyond all who should be there for you. Its OK if he is scared , or doesn't want to lose you , but if he doesn't know what to say , or how to fix it , then he should be quiet and stand beside you. Sometimes words hurt more than physical abuse. Because they stay with us. And we can't believe , or don't want to believe someone who is bonded to us in marriage , could be so cruel. Yes , your hubby is right , an US is costly , and no one needs more debt right now. But the other ladies are right , I don't think its the money , you both went through something terrifying when you had BC. And I think hubby is shouting inside "No , this can't happen again to my wife"! But being the "man" , he isn't gonna give in to emotions. So he blurts out something that he hopes will make it go away. But instead , hurts you so much. Yes , you do need an US. Bottom line. End of story.

I am praying for you Karen , that the docs will find out the cause of you pain. And that it is NOT bootface. And I am praying that God will give hubby the change of heart that he needs to be there for you.

Karen , we , your sisters and brother here , are praying and/or keeping you in our hearts. We all love you dearly. You are so very precious to us. I hope you have the peace you need right now going through this difficult time. God's healing be with you always.

I am saying this prayer for you and your family. Every time someone reads this , it will be said for you. Take care sweetie , and let us know how it went at the oncky. Love you , Melody

portiasproudmom

Thank you Mel.  You are such a sweet, wonderful person and I'm so blessed to have you in my life.  I'm blessed to have all you special ladies.

My dh can be such a generous, caring person.  It just amazes me how he can turn around and become this mean, insensitive ogre!  I told my oncky about about what he said and she just had this shocked look on her face.  She said, "that's harsh".  Yeah, no kidding!!

As for my appt today, the doc doesn't think it's my gallbladder because it didn't hurt when she pushed on the spot where my gallbladder is.  She's sending me for an abdominal CT scan and for an MRI on my hip.

I'm NOT going to tell my butthead dh about either procedure.

Love and hugs,

Karen