please help

1Cathi

Hi All,

Just a quick check in from my "soft" (not) hospital bed, hoping that I will get to go home Sunday. 

Karen read your posts about Tinker, so sorry having a sick pet is so sad, been there done that.

Judie I know your not posting much these days -but I know first hand you are reading so - XOXOXOXOXOXO

AE -praying all of UB's scans will be "PERFECT" it stinks you must wait so long. 

TO ALLOF MY OTHER SPECIAL FRIENDS - Thinking of you all, i'll be back on boards soon.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

portiasproudmom

Big hugs go out to you Cathi!  It sounds like you're well on your way to being all recovered.  Sorry about that not-so-comfy bed.  I HATE hospital beds!

Love and hugs,

Karen

honeygirl

Cathi , hugs to you sweet sister. Sorry you ended up in the hospital , but it sounds like you really needed to be there. Hurry an get better so you can tell us all how you are enjoying the 80 degree weather at the beach. While I am dealing with two feet of snow! Pleased hurry and get better. I really need to hear what 80 degrees and sunny feel like , I have forgot!lol Take care.xxxx Mel

Nana of ten , I am praying for you sister. We are all here for you. I did recon. immed. after surgery. I was in surgery for 10 hours. My girlfriend came to help take care of me when I got home. I really needed her help. I only did the bc breast. My sister had a lumpectomy(not cancer) and she is fine. Can't tell the difference in her clothes , bra , etc... I really didn't have an option for lumpectomy , my tumor was directly under my nipple and they had to take it also. I mean I could of had a lumpectomy , but that made me dicide to do the mast..Yes , I felt very rushed to make such a important dicision. I wish they had given me more time. But I'm OK with it all.I am overweight and having diep surgery has left me bigger in the midrift area than I was , because of them using me belly for recon. Good luck to you. Just do what YOU want to do. And you will be fine with it. Hugs , Mel xxxx

1Cathi

Thanks Karen,

It is Sunday evening and darn it all I was not allowed out , I guess tomorrow, DR didn't like my 02 levels,  I can't explain everything I have heard the last couple of days but I have some scaring on my left lung (fibrosis) apparently a residual effect of rads, the way I understand it now, my lungs or the sacs/lobes that are effected don't stay soft/moist causing me to be a bit more susceptible to colds and the possibility of them becoming quite miserable as this one has, so I am learning some deep breathing techniques and I have seen a specialist here at the hospital and will be following up with him in a few weeks he has mentioned possibly taking some sort of medications (steriods) if my 02 level stay down and the colds persist, anyway I do feel loads better,  and I guess I just have alot of research to do on this whole thing now,  the only really scary thing to me right now is thinking I have to walk around on oxygen at 48 years old, DR says he does not see that happening for any great length of time, but kind of scary/worriesome right now.

The entire lung is not effected so thats a really good thing, and it was explained to me this can be a common effect of rads when a large area is treated while my actual BC tumor was small I did have a large area treated for extensive ILCS, Sooooooooooooooooooooo way to go BC - the saga continues.  Stupid stuff anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope that you all that are having such hard and emotional times right now are finding some joy   peace and comfort this evening. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Just how much bleach do they use in these hospital sheets anyway - scratch-scratch!

PraiseTheLord

do not I repeat do not wait!!!

I did not wait....they wanted me to ..but I pushed myself to the front of the line!

how? my case manager helped!

Also I went outside my health plan and paid for my own digital diagnostic mamo and ultrasound!

This speed-ed things up alot for me..so much so that they- my health care providers had me set for a mamo/ ultrasound on April 15th 2008---- but because of my aggressiveness and my determination----I was able to get my surgery on April 15th 2008 instead!

you must use your own ingenuity to workl around your health care provider!

It is your life- your health.--- your choice!

Never wait! Never.

portiasproudmom

Hmmm.....l remember that now too, Cathi.  Rads can screw up the lungs.  BC is really the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it?

Take care and try to stay comfortable in that crummy bed.

Hugs,

Karen

lvtwoqlt

Nanna - to answer your question on how we made our decision on what type of surgery to have. I had 2 previous scares (once on each breast 18 months apart) and I had lumpectomies after the biopsies showed ADH (pre-cancer) that didn't leave me very much scarred but lopsided (a cup/c cup). I also have a strong family history of breast/ovarian cancer (aunt ovarian cancer in 1978-passed away from it, and mother breast cancer 2001-doing great). After the 2nd scare in August 2006, my surgeon suggested I consider preventative bilat mast because my risk factors were higher than average and he put me on tamox at that point to see if it would protect me from invasive bc. The 6 months I was on tamox was pure torture for me, I had extreme hot flashes and night sweats as well as severe mood swings. At my 6 month follow-up mammo, another abnormality showed up again in the same area as the last surgery and I decided that I wasn't going to wait for cancer to come knocking again and opted for the bilat with recon (implants). I was able to go off the tamox and haven't looked back on my decision. My final path report showed more ADH in the right breast (side with DCIS) and Ductal Hyperplaysia leaning toward ADH in the left breast.

What you need to remember about making your decision - it's your decision and no matter what anyone else tells you, you are the one who has to live with your decision without second-guessing yourself. I personally couldn't live with myself not knowing when Bootface would come knocking again, I know that bilt doesn't completely remove the chances of cancer returning but since I had problems in both breasts I didn't want to risk it. You will know in your heart when you have made the right decision. Sure before my surgery, I was wavering asking What was I doing to my body? and Am I doing the right thing but I knew in my heart that I was making the right decision for myself and my family.

Sheila

sueps

Helllllooooooooooooooooooooo Sisters xxx

I am just doing my nightly check on you all after work before bed before the next work and bed....huh ...lol

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH X

I  am still awaiting my mammo results.... TUT

I also got pulled by the cops today and fined for not wearing a seatbelt ...double tuts...

I hope you are all Ok and bearing up in this loooooooooooooong moooooooooooonnnnnnnth of the year...I absolutely think Jan is THE worst month...

Roll on nicer days!!!

Happy birthday for tomorrow Jane XXXXX or is it today in your place ...I hope you have a beautiful birthday !!!

Love lots Dorothy xxx 

NanaOfTen

I believe I have come to a conclusion. The first recommendation from my surgeon was to have a mastectomy, but then he said a lumpectomy would be enough since I had enough breast that he could remove the mass and surrounding tissue and leave "enough" for a breast. I would go through radiation and 90% chance for chemo. What I didn't like him saying was that 'because of my age, the need to preserve my breast may not be an issue' ... WTH!?!?#@*^&%

I've had these boobies since 5th grade, why wouldn't I want to preserve them just b/c I am over 50?

After chatting with my family and the doc again, I have decided on the mastectomy with reconstruction. This breast has been biopsied several times before and I don't want to go through this again in six months. My mom has dealt with cancer and I just learned that all her aunts died from it.

The doc said I could still get cancer again in the other breast. That is why some choose to do bilateral, I said. He said, but that is rather radical. Yes, I said, I understand, and will deal with it if it happens. I wonder that I will have two different size breasts, but I can live with that. I have been searching and looking at pictures of reconstructions, and so far, what I saw is much better than the lumpectomy he suggested.

I would rather have nothing, meaning no surgery, but bootface caught me and I have to make a decision ... so I have to do something and I believe I can live with this better.

livesstrong

Nana - sounds like you came to a decision that is good for you. That is half the battle.

I didn't have a choice. I had a lumpectomy because I had no node involvement or family history. But since then every time I go for a mammo they find "something" and  I need to have biopsies done.  I can tell you that it gets old quick.  When I mentioned to my surgeon I was thinking of getting a mastectomy she said it was definitely not the way to go. Sometimes I wonder if the reason why she said it is because she is making money off of all the biopsies. Who knows.

Trust your instincts they are usually right.

Good Luck!

livesstrong

Its Jane's B-day???

AE

portiasproudmom

Happy Birthday Jane!!!

Love you!!!!!!!!!!

Karen

geebung

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I have been away, supposedly renovating my old house but all I did was look after all my men! (2 sons, dh & his friend). I wanted to paint one of the bedrooms but all I did was cook, clean up, shop, wash up (no dishwasher like I have here!) and make cups of tea. Also, I have a UTI so I wasn't feeling the best.

However, we drove back here today and had lunch at my favourite restaurant and then went shopping for a new table - no luck yet. It's been a nice day though.

I have just read back over all your posts ( I don't have the internet on any more at my old house) and there are so many of you with stress, worry and sadness.

AE & UB - #*+%$#@&^ bootface worries - I am so sorry you have to wait for 6 weeks - it's sure to be nothing but what a stinking long time to have to wait to know for sure. Praying the time will not drag too badly and that you have a very, very boring result. Btw, I love the expression of that birthday cat's face - priceless!

Karen, I a so sorry you have this sad dilemma over poor Tinker. It's especially difficult when your dh doesn't particularly like her and the expense of course. I think the other ladies are right about knowing when is the right time to let a pet go. My dear old cat had an intestinal tumour the same year that I had bootface (2007) and the vet told me that he was only going to suffer and that an operation wouldn't work. Anyway, it seems that Tinker's problem is not bootface but something else. What to do? Can they tell you how expensive it would be to treat?

Cheryl, big hugs and prayers for you for tomorrow. I hope you are feeling ok about your decision. Many of us feel that we will have less worry about recurrence if we have mastectomies and some of us don't have a choice. Even though I immediately agreed with my surgeon about a mastectomy, I was sad that I had to go through with it. It really annoys me too when doctors say, "Well, if you were younger, a recon would be good but heck, your'e over 50 so you probably don't need one"! What the....? That is just soooooo insulting and insensitive. I can think of some very cutting come-backs to comments like these...

Cathi, what a rotten time you are having - I hope you were aloud to go home and that you are feeling better and taking things easy. You are a brave woman to soldier on but I'm glad your dh insisted on taking you to hospital. I had to laugh about his threatening to tell the medical people that you were crazy and incapable of making an informed choice about your treatment! He sounds like a very funny and loving man.

Sue, I'm angry that you don't have your mammo results yet but I think it means that your results are so boringly benign that they can't be bothered getting back to you. So glad that your sinus cleared up a bit with the meds. Sinus can be so painful. I had it for several months once and it hurt and made me feel dull-headed and weak.

Lisa - I am so happy that you are feeling better but the fall on the ice sounds nasty. I hope you didn't hit your head. The arm is sure to be ok - just watch it for any LE symptoms like tingling and tightness. I fell on the ice twice when I was in Canada just over a year ago - one minute I was vertical, next minute staring up at the sky!

Mel - I would love to hear that you, Judie, Karen and Jule were going to meet up. I hope that happens one day!

((((((((((Judie)))))))))) - if you are reading this - I'm thinking of you and praying that you will find comfort and solace with people you feel comfortable with. I hope you touch base here from time to time but you need to do what is best for you at this time and in the future. xoxo 

My brain is fogging up as it's after 11 and it's been a long day - have to go and hit the hay.

Love to all you wonderful people.

oxoxoxxo 

1Cathi

Hi All,

Came home Monday afternoon,  exhausted, miserable, tired, mad, sad and depressed.  Looking into my mirror this AM I just see a 48 year old someone, deformed body with an 02 canula in her nose,  standing in her granny jammies, nose running and coughing like a 110 year old.  I HATE that person!!!!!!!

Oh I know this too will pass, but then whats next???? I want to go back to our dating days, to our wedding plans  to our honeymoon -  not once since June of 06 does it seems like there has been any span of thim that 'SOMETHING" has not been wrong,  how can a man possibly stay content playing "NURSE"   instead of "HUSBAND". Does he complain, does he ever say a mean or cross thing - No for sure not, but I hate this for him,  there has been no marriage for better -JUST WORSE! No marriage for health - just SICKNESS.

And I am tired and exhausted of it all too,  Bootface has ruined my life!!!!.

livesstrong

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cathi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) - I couldn't agree more!

Hang in there my friend.

AE

NanaOfTen

Cathi,

((((( hugs ))))) to you, my friend.

yes, bootface sucks, big time.

dink

Judy, I am sorry to hear you say you won't be with us that much any more but I do understand that you need to take care of you for now.  Just remeber that I love you, appreciate all your wisdom and kind words.  I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better but I'm not sure what.  Just close your eyes, relax and feel my arms around you giving you lots of hugs.

Karen, I;m sorry about Tinker.  I don't beleive any animal or person should suffer.  I can't tell you which way to go with Tinker but just know that we are all here for you and we feel your pain.

Cheryl,  I'm sorry about your diagnosis.  I have DCIS in the left breast only and atypical hyperplasia cells throughout both breasts.  I have multiple lumpectomies, needle aspirations, and very bad fibrocystic disease.  I decided to have the bilateral mastectomies with reconstruction due to several reason.  One of the reasons was because I got tired of going through the abnormal sonos./mamos/MRIs, family and friends continually worring and I was only 43 when we finally found this one by mistake.  I say by mistake because my surgeon was being thorough and removed the adenoma and cyst but took extra tissue and the cacner cells were found in the extra tissue.  He told me that in order for them to check for DCIS any where else in the breast or the other breast, they would have to have something they are specifically looking at to test because DCIS could show up any where at any time and in order to check for it, they would have to pick a spot and hope it was the correct spot.  I don't have time for this: the constant worries, the ups and downs, upsetting and worrying my family, etc.  I have my grandchildren to worry about as my daughter is single and has not child support of any kind and has five (5) children.  So I have had some trouble with the reconstructions and will have to have another reconstruction. I would rather have the reconstruction problems and not the cancer.  I had radiation treatments on the left breast (25 tx) and it shrank and got a little darker than the other, so I was lopesided anyway.  Besides my insurance has paid quiet well so I'm ok with it.  I don't have to do the chemo for sure because I chose to go with the mastectomies. 

Cathi - Young lady, I'm not sure what we are going to do with you.  I'm so glad you went to the hospital to get a jump start on getting well.  You are still as beautiful as ever.  As the saying goes, "This too shall pass."  I hope you feel better soon.  Besides, knowing you, you will be using that canula tube as a belt or something and be dancing through the house soon.  DH better look out.LOL

AE and UB - You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I'm sorry you are going through this but just know we are here for you.

Wren, Sue, and everyone else, have a good day and remember "Just smile and wave."  My grandson believes that works on his teacher and I believe he is right.  All of the boys in his class are doing it to their teacher especially when they are in trouble.  

Talking about my little Connor (5 y/o), he was so funny when I got home last night.  He is in kindergarden and he gets his discipine every afternoon so we will know how he did for the day.  Well,  he had a good mark (color) then it was xd out and his color was moved down to a worse color (from yellow to orange-he's doing something wrong at this point).  He looked at me and was so pleased with himself and without stuttering he said, I was playing in the line and I know we aren't supose to but I was and Devine pushed me into Austin on an accident and Ausin hit me so I hit Devine and then we started wreslting and playing on the floor.  Now we have three new rules: no yelling, no hitting, and no wrestling in the line.  "Mamaw, we was only playin why do we have to have three more rules?"  I could only laugh because he was so matter of fact, proud that he told the truth, and concerned about the rules.  THe expressions on his face were very serious and sincere.  THen he smiled real big with his arms crossed across his chest and said, "well, I was good at daycare."  Need I say more.

Love you all

Leesa

sueps

AE 

What was the name of our sister that lived in the UK in Warrington that helped me on the boards before surgery. She sadly passed away last year, I can see her in my mind tonight and its very strong...I know she was close to you xxx  I just cant remember her name and I want to xxx 

sueps

((((Cathi))))

True love is what you and dh have... you are so lucky AND so is he... to have a strong courageous beautiful funny and caring lady by his side xxx

You will get over this .... you are washed out and weak.... and p ssed off and low bcos you have had this terrible terrible cold ... BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF .... quit looking in the mirror and dont be so impatient... rest up ,,,REST REST REST your head.... you will get through this rough patch... and be dancing all night again x x x x x x x x x x 

lvtwoqlt

Sue, wasn't it valerie (vasul) who helped you out?

Cathi, You are recovering from major surgery and a terrible respiratory infection, you will feel like crap for several days, but rest assured, you will get better. Don't try to rush it and your hubby married you for better or worse. He loves you and will continue to love you. My hubby tries to take care of me but he sometimes doesn't have a clue when he comes in off the road how to help me. Be grateful that he is there for you every day.

Sheila

sueps

Thankyou so much Sheila xxx Gosh you don't know hw much I truly love you all , it overcomes me that I have all you sisters in my life xxx

How Is Tinker Karen xxx

I am having another tooth out on Thursday as that one  has cracked too due to being weakend so thats 2 out this month ...and I will have no more bottom back teeth by then ... I am getting worried how I will eat chocolate and crisps LOL... seriously I am worried.... my dentist siad chemo would have weakened my teeth to this extent... guess I will have to ask my boys to chew my food for me xxx 

angie14

Hi Sue I am also in the U.K. and had a left mastectomy in September 2008. I was diagnosed in February 2008 and had 8 sessions of chemo between Mar and July before the surgery. I was told this was to shrink the tumour as much as possible before the op.  I had never been in hospital before apart from giving birth to my son (who is now 27) and never had a general anaesthetic before. I was terrified but I was reassured by my surgeon that I would be fine and I'm glad to say he was absolutely right. When I woke from the anaesthetic I had no pain and indeed had no pain medication whatsoever whilst in hospital and have none since. I had to have 25 sessions of daily radiotherapy which did burn my skin somewhat, but they gave me lots of cream etc. and my skin is almost back to normal. Last session was 4th December 2008. My only medication is the Arimidex which I have to take for the next 5 years. I am now looking forward to getting on with my life. Hang on in there. You will make it. Sorry if this reply is long - I've just joined the site tonight and its my first posting.

geebung

Welcome Angie! Sorry you had to find us but it's good to have you here. As you can see, we are all at different stages of this journey but there is a lot of support and love here. I'm glad your worst treatments are over.

Jane

livesstrong

Sue - Sheila is right, her name was Valerie as well but she went by Valsul.  I miss her terribly. She was the kindest, funniest, sweetest woman. Last month I came across a Christmas card she sent me the year before, I cried when I  read it - sometimes I can't believe she is gone. 

Thanks for asking about her.  I remember she stopped coming here when she was dx with met's because she didn't want to scare you anymore then you were all ready. But she always asked about you. That's the kind of person she was.

I hate bootface.

portiasproudmom

I miss Valsul too.  She was so funny and sweet.  What an incredible attitude she had.  I hate bootface too....with a passion!

Thanks for asking about Tinker, everyone.  She's holding her own....but she has significant issues.  Her bloodwork results came back today.  The vet can't pinpoint any one diagnosis for her yet.  She wants to do another blood test.  I guess she's anemic, her liver enzymes are elevated, and her blood cell counts are all off.  There's still a good chance she may have bootface.  It just makes me want to fight for her even more.  I HATE BOOTFACE!!!!!  She doesn't seem to be suffering.  She's just tired.  Still loves her food--I cooked her up a bunch of special homemade dog food.  She LOVES it!!!!!!!  She's getting "loved up" big time, Sue.  I know her days are numbered, but I'm not ready to give up on her yet.

Welcome home, Cathi!  I know how you feel when you look in the mirror.  I look at this haggard old woman in the mirror sometimes, and it makes me shutter!  YOU look absolutely beautiful to me.  We're always the hardest on ourselves, aren't we?

Love and hugs to all,

Karen

Shirlann

Hi sisters!  It is only 5:00pm here in San Diego, but my son cheered me up, we gain one minute of daylight a day.

Oh little Cathi, honey you are beautiful and will be beautiful very soon.  THIS IS TEMPORARY!  Don't you love breast cancer?  The gift that keeps on giving.  But at least they told you the truth, usually they lie so you won't sue them.

Dearest Karen, my prayers and love are with you and Portia and dear Tinker.  God will guide you the right way, honey.  Just keep on, one step at a time.

Oh, I remember Valsul, we all loved her, she was gentle and kind to all.

SUE BUG!!!!!  So gooood to hear from you, just think honey, where you were a year ago!  Much different this January.  AND next January you will be completely past the danger time of 2 years.  It will fly by.

Leesa, it is so funny, the little boys are so FULL OF ENERGY!  I raised 3 boys, and they are not like the girls.  The schools need to loosen up a little.

Hugs and kisses to all, and a big BC.org welcome to all our new girls.  You are treasured and loved.  Shirlann

 

dink

Hi everyone.  Sorry about the long post earlier.  I hope everyone is doing ok.  Cathi you are truly a wonderful person and this is just temporary.  Karen your doing a good job with Tinker, just hang in there.  If anyone talks to Judy, tell her hello and I miss her.  You guys are truly the best.

Leesa

sueps

YOOOO HOOOO Sisters xxx

Just popping in to look at you all .... and let you know I love you xxx

 Oh my my my ..... My tooth is now split down to the gum!!!!!!1 The pain the pain!!!! I hate the dentists but for sure I will be galloping there tomorrow and begggggging!!!!

Stupid bootface ...the tx has ruined ma teeth ..... URGHHHHHHHHHHHHH XXX

Shirlann ... x x x  I will be 2 years in September ... yes yes yes!!! hahaha ...fingers crossed toes crossed an everyfin else...oh god I am starting to worry again xx

Valsul.... I am feeling you like you are all around me at the moment.... I can see your face ... and feel you ..... I am thinking of you loads xxx

Thx sisters ... for being here and most of all for being with me X 

honeygirl

Hi Sue! and everyone else. Oh Sue , that has got to hurt like the dickens! My mouth hurts just thinking about it. Bootface sucks! But , two years out celebration is gonna be grand!Emerald city all over again Dorothy!

Dear , sweet Valsul. She is trully missed by all. Yes , she is around us in every good thing.

Well , I have an appt. for my pap test , Mon. 19th. And an appt for my mammo Feb. 20th. Yuck! Oh , and guess what I did. She said by bs had an opening for (mammo) on Feb. 13th! But I quickly went into typical anxious mode. I'm not superstious , but when it comes to bootface , I just couldn't. So I said , "no , thats not good for me". So she made it for Feb. 20th. And now I just realized , that is the day in 2007 that I was diagnosed!!!!! What was I thinking. Do I dare call again and re-schedule?  Or should I be strong and brave and just do it?! Help!

lvtwoqlt

sue, Sorry your tooth is hurting so bad. I have one that I still need to have fixed, big old cavity in it but don't have the money to crown it (yes it is that bad) not to mention the tooth next to it. If the dentist does all he wants to do in my mouth I will have over $5000 in just crowns. My 2 yr anniversary for bootface is coming up April 27.

Honey, just remember it is only a day, make it a day to celebrate not worry that bootface may reappear. I had my first biopsy on Feb 14 2005 for ADH and my first lumpectomy on April 1 2005, the same day my son was graduating from his main school in the navy and I had to miss the graduation.

Sheila