please help

sueps

this is my personal trainer ...hes really good! 

footprintsangel

Dear Ladies, Thanks for the laughs, Its nice to fine a place that doesn't want my money or stressing.   I have put on weight and know its from the chemo and now I have full body lymphedema. I am working out when I can but arthritis make it slower. I thank you for the laughs. I know we can win! Take care, Debbie

sueps

Thx Deb xxxx this was our Mel last year ...shes been yo yoing the weight...she bought a bike to lose weight with but I dont think she realised she needs a bike with pedals.... so unfortunatley the weight stayed put. One day she sill listen to me and learn LOL...

Debbie much love to you xxx 

footprintsangel

 Thanks, I know all of you show so much love, (and other things)  Its good to get away from the chemo and medical bills. Sueps, I lost most of my family threw cancer. One year before I was told I had stage 3 IDC, I found my mom passed away in a chair. So I know we can be strong and each day I get up is a gift. Take care, Debbie

sueps

Debbie ...you will be welcomed here with open arms...and I am sending you lots of love ....I am sorry your mum passed...I lost my mum at 18 ..... WE WILL BE STRONG TOGETHER, and bootface is overpowered by all the wonderful sisters here ..... you are very right EACH DAY IS A GIFT... I am going to remeber that when the going gets tough...its a good statement xxx

honeygirl

Sue , my hair is such a mess cause I can't reach it anymore to comb it! Petals? What are petals? Hey do those shorts make my butt look big? Now be truthful...Oh , and can I borrow your trainer, Tiny? Ah , emotional eating , isn't it great. I just went to the store and bought stuff to make "Phillys" with. Why can't I stop!? Think I'll grab a beer and try to figure it out....

honeygirl

Hi Debbie , Yes , you caught us on a night of trying to laugh and not cry about our weight gain. So sorry about your arthritis , and am very sorry about your mom. Please stick around and chat with us. I feel so fortunate that God led me here. I can talk to these ladies about anything. And they are so loving and caring. No one ever judges , just listens and gives support or advice or whatever we may need at the time.We are all hoping one day to meet.

God Bless Debbie. Hope you are having a good weekend. xxxx Melody

livesstrong

Sue - sometimes I wear my hair like this - 

1Cathi

Oh my gosh you guys  I am cracking up and crying at the same time.  Our party was awesome (AE I think we actually had a guest in that costume  -did you sneak in). 

It really was great - I even made alot of BAD BOOB JOKES.  But now I am ashamed to say I am really loosing it,  we were picking up this AM and it just all fell apart for me, and I can't get myself back under control, the tears won't stop, I am so "F-in" mad I have to do this,  In 4 days my whole world will be changed. Ed even asked me if I wanted to wait -but i CAN'T THIS IS THE RIIGHT THING  -  I know that -BUT I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW - Oh God I wish something would help right now.

livesstrong

Cathi - Hang tough sweetie.  When I was first dx, a 70+ yr. old woman who works with me and is also a bc survivior said something I will never forget -  I am just thankful I am not losing a part of me I need like an arm or leg, a boob is pretty useless after all.  You know what, she was right.

Don't second guess yourself.

AE

1Cathi

Hi AE-  It is really even like I am second guessing myself, I know what I am doing is the right thing -  It has to be done in order for me to stay alive- I know what is going inside my stupid boobs, to much!!!! And it is just a "MATTER OF TIME".. But now all of a sudden I am so sad/depressed, I can't sttand it,  I feel as sad  as I did when I lost my mom - or thats what it feels like, I am just so mad today.  I Know how strong and mostly positive I am -  I can't eat today, I can't think, walk or talk without crying,  I almost feel like just throwing up. GOD i AM JUST A WRECK .

Thanks

Shirlann

OH MY GOD!

You girls are really, really making me laugh!  Those pix are so awful, I am glad I am on a diet.  But, of course, it is not being on a diet that is the problem, it is what I do AFTER the diet.  Sighhh,

See, Sue love, you are down right tiny.  Here in the US, we can really grow em!  hahahhhaa

AE, I loved the photo of all of you, my, my, what a handsome bunch.

Sheila, tell the DOD to go **** themselves.  What a joke, you need him and he needs to be with you, they are all idiots.

Sighhh, well, Walt is asleep, it is only 1:00pm, I am going to go read a really scary story.

Cathi, honey, I have one word for you, DRUGS!  Ask for something, Ativan, Valium, nothing changes, of course, you just don't care as much,  You need to sleep and get through this nightmare, just plain ask.  (In my humble opinion, you shouldn't have to ask, but what do I know?) 

Cheer me up.

Hugs, Shirlann

honeygirl

Ulla , Judie , Fumi , Jule , please check in ladies and let us know you are here. Love you guys.xxxx Mel

Firni

Cathi, honey, I do have to agree with Shirlann.  Get some drugs.  I started taking Welbutrin about 9 months ago to help control my hot flashes.  It works a little bit.  At least I don't have to strip down and put cold wet towels on my body any more.  Anyway,  when I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 9-9-08, it was a shock, but I'm not in any kind of a panic mode.  Of course I haven't had my mastectomy yet.  But neither do I know what stage my cancer is in or what kind of treatment I'll need after my surgery.  That will be on 10-29-08.  Two months after I was diagnosed.  My point is I'm sure that taking an anti depressant has helped me stay sane.  That and reading the posts on this site.  Get something to help calm yourself before and after your surgery until you can cope again. You've replied to some of my posts before and I know you're a strong person.  You will get thru this and not have to worry about disease waiting to get you.  

sueps

Hello Firni xxx

Cathi, Firni is bob on. Shirlann suggested meds when I was where you were last year...and I started on anti d s ...they took a while to work..BUT THEY ARE WELL WORTH IT ...I am still on them...wouldnt like to come off them a the moment.

I also got a few diazepam to calm me .... and take the edge off ...xxx

You are in my thoughts so much right now...I know where you are coming from... you will get to the other side ....

......and you will feel relief when bootface is tossed away .... and boiled in its bag..til it no longer exists and you can give it the 2 finger salute!!!

 YES BOOTFACE CATHI IS GONNA WIN.... COS YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEAK!!!!!

Cathi sending you lots of prayers and love xxx 

sueps

Shirlann ...............I love you so much you big plonker xxx  

sueps

Cathi.... I am praying so much for you .... I just wanted to pop back and tell you we are all right there with you in your heart .... Please hold on ...all your feelings are justified... we are all here to hold you up during the storm ...until you reach brighter days....

All moments pass .... and you will be healthier xxx 

Shirlann

HA HA HA, OH SUE, someday I am going to hug you till you scream for mercy!!!!  You are a love.

Hugs, your cyber-mum Shirlann

my3girls

OH my I am laughing at those pics!!!I

I am popping in from Chicago to say hello!! You ladies are too much!!

Ill check back  after I get home tomorrow!

xoxo
Lisa

livesstrong

How could I have forgotten about drugs???  You ladies are so right, they are a Godsend. Things get better,Cathi, what you are going through is normal.  You are losing a part of what makes you - you. So cry until you can't cry anymore.(((((((((((((((((((Cathi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sue - how's the head????

Shirlann - you better save some of those hugs for me!!!

Welcome Firni!!

Where is everybody?????

Love you all,

AE

1Cathi

I tried to post some party pictures -not working, i'll try again.  Well the "DRUGS" sound great - my BS is kinda weird when it comes to that though, but I guess it won't hurt to ask -maybe demand.

I am going to thank every single one of you all right now for all your help and support -  I feel like I am totally crazy right now, an Ed is awesome, but it is you girls whom I know really "get it" - I could not ask for him to be anymore loving, patient and accepting of me,  but still  -spilling my guts to you all helps more?????  I am sorry in advance if I drive you nuts over the next few days,  I am not even sure if I am going to make it though the next 4 days - I was so happy (and drunk) last night, and today I am a blubbering fool. My mind is racing, my head and heart hurts, How  can I feel like this.  I know so well what I am doing is so right and is saving my life - but I am a mess over stupid useless boobs. I can't stand this.

sueps

A real quick pop back here...it is 1am in the UK ....I am late for bed DUH lol

Cathi DO NOT YOU DARE APOLOGISE .... we dont mind you anyway which up.... so sister do not worry...let us do your worrying !!! Well you cant drive many of nuts as some of us are nuts and one is a plonker...eh Shirlann...and we still love  her LOL

Hey AE my bonce is getting better...got big gash there and look like I been in a fight after a night on the lash  ..... hehehe...I need a good old night on the lash!!!!

Hey bed beckons ...love love lover LOVE you all ...and all that are AWOL too xxxxxxxx 

Anonymous

Hello from a strange place to my dear friends. I'll try to read later...just wanted to say hi and I'm still kickin'.

Life has taken some twisty turns and my feet are trying to find a place to stand. One of several twists is that my ex is  grieving almost as much as I have and got called back for a diagnostic mammogram because of dense breast tissue with an area of calcifications. We spoke on the phone yesterday for the first time in nine months. It's all way too confusing and will take time to sort out. Meanwhile my soul is still hanging out one floor beneath the bargain basement and it's hard to express much.

I'll check back when I can. I hope y'all are doing well holding each other together until I come back to take over.

Love you all,

Judie

lvtwoqlt

boy those photos were funny, I know I am not anywhere that big but boy sometimes I sure feel like it. My hubby has one that was sent to him and the girl in the bikini asks, does this make my butt look big and you can't even see the bikini bottom.

Cathi, if you need drugs to get you through the next weeks/months, get drugs. I did not get totally depressed about losing my breasts, I guess because I had 6 months prior to my dx to think about it so when I made the decision that if I had one more abnormal mammo it was not a 'life threating' decision. I also have been very upbeat my whole life, almost a 'pollyanna', but don't get me wrong, I did loose it occasionally. We are here to help you 'get it together'.

Judi, Sorry to hear you have to go back for calcifications , that is where my journey started!

Sheila

livesstrong

OK, I am confused,  Judie - do you have to go back for another mammo?  That has been my MO for the past year - I go again next Monday - I fully expect them to find something and once again I will need to have yet another biopsy.  Everytime they find NOTHING.  It is very stressful regardless.  So I know how you feel.

Hugs,

AE

1Cathi

Hey Shelia I think I am usually a "glass half full" person,  but my emotions are really getting the better of me,  I started preparing for the thoughts of bilat a year ago, I had the ILC in L w/LCIS and a margin @ lumpectomy still with ALH, and in the past 2 years  9 lesions biopsied in R - this last one on 9/11 confirmed in my mind it was time -  my decision is right - I know that, but right now it is not making it any easier.  It is like when my mom was so sick with her liver CA, I knew she would only be a rest and peace when God called for her, I knew she was going to die -  but it didnt make it any easier when it happened. It still hurt like hell for awhile. 

I made an appointment to get my hair done this afternoon -so I don't look a total mess after Friday - thank goodness my hair dresser is a very close friend because the way its going already today I'll still be a blubbering mess.

LOVE YOU ALL

lvtwoqlt

Cathi I know what you mean about watching someone close going through cancer. I watched my aunt going through treatments for Ovarian cancer in 1978 when I was just 17, but we didn't know it was in her ovaries until after she died. All they could find in the Nuclear medicine dept at NC Baptist hospital was where it had spread to not the primary tumor. She and her family were living in the duplex my parents owned and I helped take care of her 2 boys (11 and 7). It did hurt when she died. About getting your hair done, my mom made an appointment with a close friend who does my mom's hair two days after I got out of the hospital to wash my hair and it did feel wonderful. She attends church with us and wouldn't let us pay for the wash and gave us a bowl of spaghetti and salad for our lunch.

My hubby was so sweet this weekend, he bought me a Fons and Porters Quilting magazine and said that when I wanted to I could purchase any of the fabrics needed for a project out of the magazine for my birthday. What a man, he knows that I love my quilting but since he is a clutz in the fabric dept he would let me pick my fabrics. I had given my scissors (I have had for at least 25 yrs) that needed sharpening to my brother on Wed and he returned them Sunday along with a new pair of 8 inch shears and 3 inch embroidery sissors each with a lifetime warranty, a hug and Happy birthday, you deserve a new pair of scissors.

Sheila

AnneW

Hey, Cathi, the crying thing is normal as you face surgery and changes that are essentially out of your realm of control.

I second the call for drugs. I didn't know I was anxious/depressed till I started them for hot flashes, only to find my mood improved and the easy crying stopped. Hot flashes aren't an issue any more, but if I go off my little dose of drug, the moodiness and tears start up again.

If your breast doc isn't comfortable with anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, long term or short term, go to your primary. It's what they do. If you don't have a primary, get one that you can feel comfortable with.

Hang in there. And don't hesitate to ask for what you need!

Anne

1Cathi

So I have left a message for BS for "DRUGS" Monday is one of her surgery days, so don't know if I'll get a script today - 

Shelia your hubby is a great guy -  we are lucky woman. My sister in-law does quilting too, Ed grew up in PA Amish country his mom was actually a menonite, so she did all of that and of coarse his sister learned as well. Me I hate anything that has to do with sewing - and it is strange  -my mom was a union leader in NY for the sewing/knitting industry many-many moons ago -she sewed everything we wore just about  - me I hate it.

I hope everyone has a great day .

Anonymous

No no no, not me. My ex has calcifications on mammo and was called back. It's probably nothing, but scary nonetheless. I personally have nothing to mammo...had a bilateral.

Cathi, I'm sorry and fully understand. Second-guessing seems to be a big part of this process for some of us. The advice you've gotten is right on...drugs. The hair beautiful will help, too.

The photos are disgusting! And hysterical! First laugh in a while...you are an uplifting group...more uplifting than Maidenform any day.

I wanted to come to Cathi's Halloween party as Bootface but got stuck. How does one dress up as Bootface? I missed the party but Halloween is coming and I might trick-or-treat. I love candy. Any ideas?

Okay, that's all I can muster this morning. Thanks for the caring, and I love every one of you. While I realize that bc is but one of the series of tragedies for me last year and that these yo-yo episodes are perfectly normal, I'm sure ready for them to end.

BBL

Judie