please help

portiasproudmom

Oh no!!!!  Did we miss Shirlann's birthday?  I hope it was wonderful, just like you, Shirlann!

 Love you, Shirlann!!!

Hugs,

Karen

Ulla

dear shirlann,,i hope u had a happy birthday,,

love u sisters

portiasproudmom

Hi Ulla!  I'm so happy to see you.  How are you feeling, sweetie?  I sure miss you and hope you're feeling better soon.

 Love and hugs,

Karen

Ulla

hi,,karen..

i love u so much,,

i still feel the same,,,i cant describe it,,its just i feel that there is another ULLA living in my body..i know it looks scary,,and it really scares me to feel like that,,but i dont know wat to do..i tried everyhing,,i called my assistant,,i talked with my doctors,,am taking my meds,,but just cant find ME,,

anyone else feels the same??

lvtwoqlt

Happy birthday shirlann!

Just a note on John, he will be getting out of the Navy this fall, 1.5 yrs early. He has played soccer since he was 8 or 9 and played in middle school as well as High school. When he was in High school, his knee started acting up some, we just put an ace wrap bandage on it when it hurt, nothing major. Last year before I had my surgery, his knee started hurting more frequently. He went to the ship doctor and they sent him for an MRI, it showed that it was not the ACL causing the problem and he needed physical therapy to build up the muscles around the knee. The ship was getting ready for deployment and there was no time for him to schedule therapy on base. While on deployment he did the best he could with his knee hurting, taking 800mg Motrin, and exercising some on the exercise bikes on board. Since they have been back in port, they had the mandiatory PRT (Physical requirement training), he passed the sit-ups, push-ups but failed the time for the 2 mile run. He also failed the weight for his height. He will be discharged with administrative separation under honorable conditions (I think that is the right term). by the time he is officially discharged he will have served 4 and 1/2 yrs and will get his full GI benefits. It will be good to have him home or closer to home.

sheila

portiasproudmom

Here are a few more pics from the Relay.  I'm a terrible picture taker, so I had to wait for my SIL and niece to send me their albums.  They are amazing photo-taking divas!!!!

Our team.

 My best friend, Lisa, her kids Cheyenne and Dylan, and me.

They lit luminaries on the bleachers that spelled out Hope and Cure.  Pretty cool.  Did I tell you guys that this event was held at my high school?  Actually, the majority of our team members had gone to school there.  That made it extra special.

Hugs,

Karen 

portiasproudmom

Oh Ulla.  I'm so sorry you're feeling this way honey.  I'm trying so hard, as well, to be the way I was before all of this.  I find myself wondering if I'll still be alive when our house is finished.  Isn't that crazy?  So I know how hard it is, Ulla.  I'm convinced that we'll all go back to our old (but better) selves  Don't lose hope, Ulla.  I just know that you'll wake up one morning and feel like yourself again.  Hang in there!  Remember that you are loved by so many!!

Love and hugs,

Karen

lvtwoqlt

Karen, those are great, We had the relay here when John was in town and I missed it. I went last year 3 weeks after my biopsy showed bc. they light luminaries around the track at our event.

Ulla, it is good to see you back, and yes sometimes it does feel like there is a different Sheila living in my body. Let's hope that you will find the old Ulla and feel normal.

My 2nd opinion at the dentist was better than the first dentist. He said that some of the fillings I have in my molars have cavities developing around the fillings and he only wanted to crown the molars and one front tooth that has a big cavity in it. He said that the other front teeth have smaller cavities in them and he could fill them with the white fillings and they did not need crowns.

Sheila

portiasproudmom

I'm sorry about John's knee, Sheila.  But I'm also glad that he'll be closer to you again!

Hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

That second opinion does sound better than the first.  I hate having dental work done.  I had such a phobia about it when I was younger, that I didn't see a dentist from the time I was 18 until I was about 30 or so.  Can you imagine??  I was really lucky not to have much decay or anything.  I've been really good since then though.  I never miss a cleaning.

They did have the luminaries around the track as well.  My SIL bought one for me.  Ironically, it was placed right in front of our tent!  We walked all around the track looking for it and it was right there in front of us the whole time.

Hugs,

Karen

geebung

Shirlann - I'm so sorry I missed your birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day.

(((Ulla))) - you have been through a traumatic time - mentally and physically. It will take a little while to recover from this. I'm so sorry you feeling this way. Big hugs to you.

 Sheila - sorry to hear about John's knee but he's given years of service and... it will be so great to have him back in the country! You must be feeling so happy knowing he's coming home!

Karen, the photos are lovely - you look so happy and pretty!

Love to everyone

Jane xxx 

portiasproudmom

Hi everyone!  Boy, slow day.  I can tell it's summer .  I need all your prayers and positive thoughts today.  I'm having my first post-bootface mammo this afternoon.  In my heart I know it's going to be fine, but I figure extra prayers can't hurt.

Love you all!  I'll bbl.

Hugs,

Karen

lvtwoqlt

Karen, I will be praying for you this afternoon. I am glad though I don't get any  more mammos  after getting them every 6 months for 3 yrs. I go back to my ps tomorrow for the 'after' picts  to be put in his album. I am going to tell them that I am going next week to Earleen in Asheville to check out my tattoos , not that I don't like what his office did but I want a second opinion.

Sheila

livesstrong

Karen - we'll all be there with you today!!

 ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sure things will be fine.

AE

AnneW

Karen, I'm thinking of you today. These tests put a little trepidation in our lives forever.

 Sheila, I'm with you. No more mammos--ever. Wish I could get out of next month's colonoscopy, but what the heck. I'd like to be done with paps, too, especially since the ovaries are gone and all my paps have been normal, always. Hmmm. I'll have a chat with my gyn about that later this summer...Let me know how you like Earlene. I may be paying her a visit one day. I think I'll go with 3Ds instead of nipples, but I need more healing time first.

Enjoying a day at home. Well, as much as one can enjoy laundry and cleaning up. Got a house full coming for the 4th. Better get to it!

 Anne

Shirlann

First, thank all of you wonderful, beloved sisters for the birthday greetings!  I am 73, and Walt is 75, he and I have the same birthday.  We met when I was 14 and he was 16.  I will try to get a few photos on, I cannot remember my password on Photobucket!  Grrrrr.

Anne, the colonoscopy is NOTHING.  The prep is annoying, but the procedure for me was nothing and I was so mad at myself for waiting so long.  I went in, was put in a curtained booth with a bed, got undressed and covered up to my neck.  (I hate things happening around my private parts!)  Then, the nurse came back, put in an IV, with wonder medicine in it, Versed, I think, after about 10 minutes, they could have cut off my head, LA TI DAH!!!!!!  Happy juice.

Then, to my surprise, they wheeled me, bed and all into another room.  The doc was there, I never felt a THING!  I watched awhile on the TV, then drifted off, about 15 minutes later it was done.  They wheeled me back to my cubby (Still covered up to my chin), I waited about 30 minutes, and went out and Walt took me home.  IT WAS TRULY NOTHING, no where near as bad as mammograms.  I do not what what they will do at your clinic, but don't worry, you will be amazed.

Ulla, sweetheart, this "out of body", or "where am I?" is so common, but so dang miserable, are you on anti-deps?  If so, ask to up the dose.  You don't need to suffer like this.  "Better living through chemistry".  Love you honey.

Hi and love to Karen, (the beautiful).  Thank you for the balloons, and such wonderful pix!

AE and UB, the flowers are so beautiful!  Thank you so much.

Sheila,  I am glad John is coming home.  Life is short, he needs to be near you.

Jane, how is the little roo doing?  So adorable.  

And our little Sue, I am sorry you have had bad weather, but it is cozy to sit and have a cuppa and snuggle sometimes.  I hope your mouth is better and the aches.  Have you tried Aleve?  It works for some things better than Tylenol or Aspirin.  Worth a try.  I love you, honey.

Hugs and kisses to all, Shirlann 

sueps

Hello Sisters xxx

I just want to say hello and let you know I come here every day. I am back at work now. I have had  a terrible week mentally and I just need to know how to cope with living with the threat .... my head is so messed up...I cannot concentrate and I am so out of touch. My appettite has gone with the worry of bootface.... HOW HOW HOW ....HOW ... to live ...to get it out of my head....

I am so sorry... I am always here ...just pondering and getting cold sweats ...

Karen good luck with your mammo ... I cant bear to think of going back for one ... it doesnt seem 2 mins since last September .... when life screamed to a halt and ... and...

lost for words ....

I will be back ....

Much love to everyone xxx

sueps

ps  I AM SORRY X

lvtwoqlt

sue, you will make it the same way that you made it through the treatments . . . one step at a time.

I need to go, stayed at work late to print off the wonderful cookbook, getting it ready to go to the publisher.

Love Sheila

Shirlann

Sue, honey, stop apologizing for what every single one of us thinks about too.  You need to feel completely comfortable just saying WAAAAH.  It is okay, this is your safe place, you don't need to pretend to be fine when you're not.

Honey, it is perfectly normal, especially right now to feel bereft, lost, scared, lonely, petrified, anxious, shakey, and anything else you can think of.  We all were.  You talk to us about this because this is your help line. 

You are doing great and this "feeling of coming disaster" is exactly normal, and will go away with time.  Your body has let you down and you have lost all confidence in it.  I know that and remember it well.  So yell, cry, holler, scream, this is the place.  Nights are horrible, Hard to get up in the mornings.  On and on.  But stay with us, sweet little English Rose, and you will slooowly get back to yourself.  Actually, even better.  You will be like tempered steel.  Stronger, you have been through the heat and are stronger, it just takes time, darlin', don't feel bad about feeling bad.

Hugs and kisses and all my thoughts and prayers for you and the boys, Shirlann

sueps

I am just on my way to bed ....Shilann...you truly are my cyber mum...I wish you were closer to me in distance.... your last post made me ache to be near you....I love you like you wouldnt believe .....I am just so lost,,,

Swwet dreams sisters ..I have a lot on tomorra including some stressy HR meeting ...

My soul is crumpling I am not under the stress....I am not so much scared as living with something stucl to my shoe that I cant shake off ...  oh god I could really do with being with you all xxx

Much Love xxxx

livesstrong

WAAAH!!!! Shirlann said we can and boy do I need it!

  So I go back to the eye doctor today to have my peripheral vision checked again. Turns out that it is OK. So I go to leave and she says "you have that mole behind you left eye so we'll have to watch it , you know, could turn cancerous!!! She must have seen the look of horror on my face because she asked if any other eye doctor mentioned it - I say no - she says will its just like this mole on my arm - I have had it for 40 years and nothings changed I just keep my eye on it. WTH???? Who ever heard of a mole behind your eye??? I swear this crap only happens to me. So now, every freakin time I get a headache behind that eye I'm going to think BOOTFACE!!!

It never ends...............

I'm going to crawl in my hole now...................................

AE
 

my3girls

Hi sisters.

I am just now checking in with all of you...I wanted to at least say hello!  I have 95 posts to read!! I skimmed some of them.  I am getting ready to leave work.  It was tough being back after a 10 day vacation.

I will fill you in on my vacation...but I will say...I am relaxed and tan!!

I lost a friend to bc while I was gone!! I was shocked.  I used to see her allot when our children were small, and I knew she had gotten worse awhile ago...but I don't think anybody expected this! I hate this damn BOOTFACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will try and catch up tomorrow..hopefully my day here will be slower!  I am so tired....not used to working and getting up so early!! haha...

Happy belated birthday to Shirlann!!! Love you honey!!

Mel..we will set a date!! Promise!

xoxo

Lisa

sueps

AE   ....WAHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHH FREAKING WAHHHHHHHH

Is swearing allowed here WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If I was with my Aunt Em now I would be avin a drink and wahhhhh wahhhhh ...together..... up a mountain or in her beautiful yard ...laughing in the face of adversity ....I love you AE lol

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

cya tomorrow over and out xxx

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I need to move closer....we need to wahhhh and support each other strength in numbers....

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sueps

Shirlann WAHHHHHHHHHHHH ...come and pick me up and take me to yours ....lol....I need some TLC....

I hate you bootface you fricking stink to high hell...you are not worthy of us...WAHHHHH...we are a high profile group and always WILL BE you dumbwit ass ...get the hell out of here and close the door on your walk of shame...now GO .........walk out the door ...we dont need you anymore....we will survive ....WE WILL SURVIVE....

YOU BIG FAT PLEB...WAHHHHHH

GNITE SISTERS .....it cant break our spirit xxx

sueps

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

SWEETDREAMS XXX

portiasproudmom

Welcome back, Lisa!  I know how hard it is going back to work after a nice, long vacation.  I'm glad you had a good time!!  I'm sorry about your friend.  That must have been a shock.  Sometimes people just go downhill so quickly.  Like Valsul.  Stupid frickin' disease!!!!

Oh my gosh, AE!  What else????  I didn't know you could have a mole BEHIND your eye.  Geez!!  I'm sure it's nothing, or someone else would have mentioned it before now.  Stupid woman!  She shouldn't be freaking you out like this.  I'm sorry you have yet another thing to worry about.

How amazing that you and Walt have know eachother for that long, Shirlann!  What a great couple you are. 

Sue, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.  Believe me when I tell you that we've all been there (some of us are STILL there).  I don't imagine I'll ever trust my body or feel secure again.  I hate bootface with such a passion!!

Well, the tech had a radiologist check my mammo results before I left, and everything looks good (whew!!).  Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.  I felt you all there with me!

Hugs,

Karen

Shirlann

HEY SUE, LOVEY!!!  That's my girl, you are at the second worse place in this hideous journey.  But the good news is, they are through hurting you, and all of that awful memory will go away with time.  But this so called "end" is not easy, as horrible as we all felt to have the treatments, it is hard to feel like no one is watching or cares.  I felt like a tired, fat, ugly old shoe someone had tossed in the rubbish and everyone either stepped on or just ignored.  Hang in there baby!

AE, I hear you, sister.  About a year after the BOOTFACE I went to the dentist.  He poked around and said, "Oh, did you know you have a lump on your tongue?"  I said, "WHAT"  He said, "It is inside your tongue, and you know with your breast cancer, this could be cancer too,it often goes to the mouth".  Frickin' news to me!  Of course, it was a Friday.  So he numbed me up (I was in shock), operated, and stiched up my tongue and I left.  I could not believe it.  So after a fun-filled weekend, ahem.  He did call Monday at noon and tell me it was nothing.  I thought all the awful words I knew, and I also thought, I have had enough, but I could not find anywhere to turn in my bellybutton, so I went on.

Karen, congratulations with your mammo, such good news.  WHEW!!!

Oh Sue, I would just love to grab you and hug the daylights out of you, but I would cry!  But tears if joy, damn ocean.  I so wish we were ALL nearer, I am thinking about an idea to stay at a college for a few days, in the summer.  They often let the rooms out for next to nothing.  They might even give them for free.  That would help a lot.  I will check it out.  Maybe Vassar!  

Hugs and kisses to you all, Shirlann

  

Wren

Belated Happy Birthday Shirlann!

Ulla, I understand how you feel. I hope you can feel better soon.

Sue, I love your rants... they make me feel better.

Karen, that rely looked fun. I may try to go on a lap at one this Friday here. I haven't decided if I'm up to it yet, but I do have this on my list of things to do when I can.

We had to get one of our kitties put to sleep today--he was OLD and having what appeared to be kidney failure so we just took him in. It was sad though because it was my late in-laws pet that we got over ten years ago when they died (MIL from breast cancer). It was like we sent their kitty up to them in heaven though... Bittersweet.

portiasproudmom

Awww....I'm sorry Wren.  I hate having to put furbabies to sleep.  Our dogs are getting up there and I just DREAD the day! 

Love and hugs,

Karen