please help

sueps

Valsul ...you will always forever be in my heart .... peace be with you and your family xxx

I miss you more than words xxx

sueps

Hello Sisters xxx

Wren I am so sorry you are having a rough time.... my thoughts and warm love are right to you.... you will get through this....and come out the other side ....I promise ...maybe you could take a pain killer like tramadol.... I rmemeber I thought my pain would never EVER go.... and all at once it subsides ....go easy on your self.... what you are going through is expected.... take each moment and each day and get through them...do not think ahead .... YOU WILL DO THIS ....We all love you xxx

Well Sisters ...I got a lovely pair of soft coconuts ....HAHAHAHAHA...my sons blush when they look at me...Claudia gave me 200 pounds for some bras swimwear and clothes.... Oh my I will be able to hold my head hi in clothes shops again...

I am off now to see my horrible twin sister...well my neices anyway ....my sister will be ranting as usual ....so I will tek some cottom wool for ma ears .... xxx

Much Love xxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lvtwoqlt

sue, I told you that the prost would make a difference in how you look and feel about yourself. and your boys will get used to the new look.

Don't let your neices or your sister worry you too much.

Steve is at my house now putting in my water heater. We actually saved some money, the cabinet water heater was $400, my electric service panel would not support the tankless water heater, but we found a 'lowboy' 38 gal water heater (slightly dented - good discount) that would fit in the corner about counter top high but stick out a few inches more into the room and the lumber to build a cabinet around it came to just under $250. I am not sure how much his labor is going to be, but last year he worked 3 days putting an new bath tub in the house and the total bill for that work was under $700, and this job will be done today.

Need to get back to work, missed 2 hours this morning going to pick out the water heater and supplies.

Sheila

Shirlann

OHHH dear Sue, I am so glad you are feeling just a little better.  A place is best on the East Coast.  Mainly because it is cheaper for Sue, and I can make it from San Diego, and a lot of us are in the middle.  So now we need to get a hotel to comp us a few nights.  One idea is to stay just out of town (New York), the airfare is cheap to New York but the hotels are not, however, I know one, the Wellington, that was in the movie Borat, that is in a perfect location, if we all agree.  But if we meet in New Jersey, or even just out of New York, it can be way cheaper.

So the gals near there, look around.  One good thing, in the fall, it is cheaper and better weather, it is hot in the summer.

So, here we go.

Karen, think girl, think, if she thought it was for your mother, then she thought you were way too beautiful and young to need this drug.  AND YOU ARE COMPLAINING???  Silly goose, that was a compliment.

I will be sure that Val is in my prayers tonight, special.  All of you are in my prayers.  You are all very special women.

Hugs and kisses, Shirlann  

Wren

Yay for showers!

I got my stitches out some reassurance that anything that doesn't settle right with my new breasts will be fixed during the nipple construction surgery in three months. Whew!

I am still sore but mentally feel much better equipped to handle things today.

I get to start walking and excercising again too and I just know that will help me to feel better.

geebung

Wren - so glad you had your stitches out & and that you were given some much needed reassurance - and having a shower would have refreshed you too! You are doing so well, in spite of all the discomfort. Things can only get better from now on!

 Sue - it's great to hear you sounding better - your new shapliness sounds wonderful. I did laugh about the boys' reaction! When I first came home with my fake one my eldest son stuck it under his shirt and paraded around. Your boys are at an age where such things are a bit embarrassing!

By the way, in one of my earlier posts I called my prosthesis a foob but now I think that means a reconstructed breast. Does a prosthesis have a short name? 

Nancy - great that you are trying to get more sleep. When are you having you mx? There are multiple benefits to getting extra zzz. It also helps with weight loss. This morning I awoke to the news that Australia has now overtaken the US to become the world"s fattest nation. How embarrassing!

Hi to everyone,

love, Jane xxx 

portiasproudmom

Hi ladies!  It's late, and I'm tired, but I just had to share some info with you.  It looks like we haven't made a decision about a house after all!  The house we chose is basically a modular home kit.  They sell you all the materials to build the exterior shell of the house and then you're on your own to finish the inside.  The salesman sent my dh the contract today, and I guess it has a lot of garbage in it that has dh furious.  He doesn't want to do business with them.  Sigh....we were SO close!

Love to everyone,

Karen

portiasproudmom

A shower does WONDERS, doesn't it Wren?  I'm so glad you're feeling better!  Hang in there.

I'll bet you look great with your new prosthetic, Sue!  How funny that your boys are all embarrassed by it.  How cute!

Hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Big hugs to Shirlann and Wren for making me feel better about needing bone strengtheners.  I always thought I looked pretty good for my age, but now I'm not so sure.  I feel like bc has aged me considerably both on the inside and outside.  You guys are sweet and you made me smile--so thanks!!

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

What a great deal you got, Sheila!  Good for you!!

Where the heck is Mel?

Okay, I'm off to bed.  The Relay for Life is tomorrow starting at 6pm, so I'd better get lots of rest tonight.  My bad knee is acting up, so this may be a challenge. 

xxxxxxx

Karen

geebung

Hello to all you dear, sweet people. I had to search for this thread today - it is a long way down! Hope everyone is ok and looking forward to the weekend. The rain has finally gone and the sun is shining here.

Love from Jane xxx 

Anonymous

Hi Jane,

The sun is shining in Seattle too. It's about time. We set a record for the coldest beginning to June in history! Being a living witness to record-setting is...ummmm...interesting.

In the winter of 1996-97 I was living in a tiny village high in the mountains. We had 500 inches of snow, which was a record. OK, so it was slightly less than 500, but I like that number and I stick by it.

The next post is a very, very long essay asking for feedback. It includes not a thing of interest to the general flow of the board, so feel free to skip it!

Love from Judie in sunny Seattle 

Anonymous

It's quiet today. I think I'll gather a few sisters for a think session.

I have a big decision to make. As you may know, I am living with my son, his wife, my adorable soon-to-be two years old grandson, and his Chinese grandparents. When I moved in, the grandparents were on a 6-month visit to China, so I was the full-time cook and bottle-washer. It was far too much for me to handle because of an autoimmune disease, but I did it, complaining and feeling proud of myself all the way. Grandparents returned and banished me. They are living in the house as servants and nannys. This is the normal way of things in China. I'm sure they shield me from responsibility out of respect (I'm the mother of the son), but I went from overworked to utterly superfluous.

The grandparents speak only one thing in English..."Thank You". They also do thumbs up or down. That's it. They are dear souls, but mama is quite set in her ways and can be stubborn. Despite all, she and I have developed a sort of friendship. She really likes me. I bought a phrasebook to try to improve communication. Not very helpful, though. She did find one phrase, "I like you" and put in a bookmark. Every day she grabs the book and points to the phrase, then to me. Then she makes a sour face, says her daughter's name, and does a thumbs down.

Healthy, delicious Chinese cuisine is presented every meal if I join the family. The setting here is gorgeous. I can walk anywhere and experience beauty and never be bored. There are parks with wooded paths, parks with open areas, a huge park on the lake with swimming, a dog area, a natural amphitheater, a cute downtown with two Starbucks...it goes on. This is all within a very reasonable walking distance except the park on the lake. The large Community Center has a wide variety of classes and activities. There are two indoor public swimming pools.

The point is that I am finding that living in a smallish room, lovely but shaded so that not much sun gets in, is becoming depressing. I have nothing to do but entertain myself. I go for a walk maybe once a week. The excuse is the pain I have from the autoimmune problem and the se from Femara. It is hard to force myself past it, but when I do it really feels good. Connor spends a half hour or so a day in my room with me. I read, explore the qualities of various objects, and play trucks with him. These times are precious.

Another issue is "a place of one's own." I feel like an honored guest rather than a resident in my home. It's always been a big deal for me to have my own home...to take care of, to invite guests into, to manage, to decorate. Here I have a room, but no involvement in the rest of the house...cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc. If I want a glass of water or to raid the refrigerator for a snack, I have to go upstairs to the kitchen. It's kind of like living in a nice hotel. I'm homesick.

And then there's the problem of my son. All my life I've sworn that I'd never live with one of my kids. I love them. I'm very, very proud of what they've accomplished. I want it to stay that way. Living in the same household means observing warts close up and personal. My son is gradually sinking in my esteem and I hate it. I want a return to innocent adoration.

The opportunity:

DIL's parents have an apartment downtown that is a HUD senior (55+) low-income unit. The waiting list is 2 years. DIL arranged with the manager for me to live in the apartment if I wish. DIL will not let the apartment go, even though no one is living in it. It's very cheap and she wants to hang on to it.

A home of my own, the thing I've wished for, can be mine!

The other side of the coin: Where I am now, there are people in the house (though I stay in my room 99% of the time), Connor is here and adores me, and I am not alone. I've been going back and forth in my thoughts. The immediate issue is that this would be the third move in four months. I'm tired. Very tired, and missing my previous life acutely. Another issue is that being in my own place will mean being truly alone. I tend to isolate too much when I'm feeling down, so not a good situation that way.

Yesterday I had a morning appointment with one doc, an afternoon appointment with another. I took the keys to the apartment and hung out there in between to see what it looked like and experience the atmosphere. It is light (my room here is very dark), reasonably attractive and well-maintained, lots of storage, cozy, and two blocks from my oncologist's office. A Cathedral is across the street which plays lovely bells. Actually, the apartments are part of a building that houses the offices of the Archdiocese. I would pay next to nothing for rent.

I've always loved downtown. This is actually on a hill above downtown, but an easy 1 mile walk or bus ride to downtown. It's a pretty steep hill, so the walk would be daunting coming back. When I met my ex, I was living in a studio apartment downtown in the trendy starving artist area and walking to work on the hill...about a 1 1/2 mile walk each way. I was on evening shift, so that meant walking home after midnight through a scary part of the city. I just held my head high and paid attention to my surroundings. Never did I feel afraid. I was sure in good condition then...sigh.

The area is pretty and walks would be through city streets rather than wooded areas, but there would be interesting destinations and access to lots of entertainment, services, and a variety of people, including some kind of scary ones. I actually like that.

Whatever I decide, I must find ways to return to the living instead of allowing myself to be swallowed up by bootface and grief. Life does go on, and I am extremely blessed with a wonderful family and caring friends.

I'm interested in your feedback. I have a leaning toward one option, but want to be sure I'm considering all the issues.

If you got this far, you are a dear and thank you thank you thank you!

Hugs,

Judie the homesick ingrate.

Ulla

dear judie,,

i don know if my words would help..but if i was u,,i will choose to be in MY OWN HOME no matter wat,,this is the only thing thats important for me,,the rest can be arranged in away or in another,,

i  am sorry for all my sisters to be away all that long time,,

i dont know if u felt like i do,,i need to take bootface out of my mind..thats why i didnt log on since i camer back ..

but i couldnt not to tell u how i feel about ur situation dear judie..

my trip was sooooo nice,,i felt lil bit better but still need to take my time,,,strange feelings,,very quite sadness..i just feel am not myself,,i miss myself and will keep looking for it till i find ME again,,

hugs to all my sisters

geebung

Ulla - it was so good to see you there and to know that your trip made you feel a little better. You need to do exactly what is best for you to help you to return to yourself or a new you who you can accept. Just remember that we are always here for you. Lots of love to you,

Jane xxx 

geebung

Judie - my heart goes out to you and your dilemma. You are so adept at expressing yourself and I didn't find your post remotely boring. I can see the benefits of living close to your sweet grandson but imho you need more in your life. You are a vibrant, interesting, intelligent person (I know that you currently feel tired, unmotivated and often sad but the essential you is still evident in your writing). I can imagine you living downtown, making friends with people with similar interests, doing interesting, creative short courses, going for coffee, seeing films, exhibitions, theatre... I feel you need all these things in your life. I hate to think of you in a dark room, feeling like a guest in a "nice hotel" - you have so many interests - you are so interesting!

One of my philosophies is not to offer advice! So I don't want to tell you what to do...however, you have asked for our opinion. 

I love your humorous and sweet way of saying that you would prefer to keep your "innocent adoration" of your son intact! How true those words are! I presume you could continue to have quality time with your family - especially the sweet Connor? These would be wonderul times to treasure and to look forward to and the rest of the time could be yours to pursue your many interests. You will make friends and find yourself again.

It's such a wonderful offer your DIL has made to you. I would give it serious consideration...

love,

Jane  

honeygirl

I read a phrase , "We are all spiritual beings on a human experience". I get much comfort from this. To me we are on an "adventure" and when the adventure is over we "return" to our spiritual selves. Not to be afraid , but embrace it , because we are back to once we came from. I believe Valsul is back to her beautiful , lovely , spiritual self. She ventured here and touched us all with her light. She brought comfort to all of us. I Never "met" her , or seen her face , but felt her love and compassion , that is definitely from her spirit. Her leaving here is so sorrowful and heartfelt. I know this is great sadness for her family and friends (Jule , Valerie). I'm so sorry you are all feeling such sorrow now. I don't know why we leave this earth the way we do. So many different ways. Some silently in sleep , some not so silent. I feel in the great scheme of things , its not so important the way we leave , but the lives we touch and the memories we leave. I know how much I grieve every time one of our dear sisters pass , and of course we feel it more because we all share the same affliction. None of us want to leave. Fear of the unknown. Our love for our children and love ones. But , I think Valsul , Valerie , is sharing with others in the spiritual world , her "human" experiences and how much happiness she had here. I feel so fortunate that I knew Valerie here , cause I will get to be with her when it is my time to "go back" to my "spiritual self". I love you Valerie. Thank you for all you gave us. And I would like to dedicate our journey down "the yellowbrick road " to you. Hugs to you Jule and AE. And Val's family. Everyone here that knew her. Gods Blessings to you all. Melody

honeygirl

Judie , (((((((((((Judie))))))))))) , Can I be blunt? JUST DO IT!lol Seriously , If I  could move out on my own and not have to worry about financial ability , and at my age (51) and experience , I would do it in a heartbeat! I have to tell you , I don't know why , but I always wanted to move to Washington. And what you have described , to me , sounds like heaven! imho , I think it would help you to be on "your own" again. You will definitely meet people , the good , bad and the ugly. But you will feel whole again. I know you love your son and all he is able to do for you. But reading your post , I feel in your heart you know it would be best to move. And your darling grandson will have a "new" place to visit grandma and have special moments to remember all his lifetime. Sometimes being on our own "throws" us into situations that are good for us and we gain such strength from. Judie , I hope you take advantage of this situation. Remember , if it doesn't work out , (which I know it will) you could always move back to your sons. Love you Judie. Heres to a new beginning on your own

!xxxx Melody

Wren

honeygirl, that is a beautiful expression.

Judie, it sounds like you have a great opportunity to make a change. Just think of the other single 'over 55' people you will meet if you live in the apartment... it could be lots of fun.

You said you want to keep that positive opinion of your son--so you kind of already know what you want/need to do...  and yes, it's more change, so you will go through that process again too. Hang in there and follow your gut instincts.

Ulla, it's nice to see you!!!  I hope you are feeling well! 

geebung

Ohhh Melody...so great to hear from you! Are you ok? I've missed you! I really like what you wrote back to Judie. I love coming here and reading everyones' posts - what a wonderful, kind, diverse, fabulous lot of people you are!

(((Ulla))) - xxx - I know it's no consolation but feeling sad when treatment ends is not at all unusual. Just the other day someone posted to say that she had coped brilliantly with her dx, surgery and treatments but now feels so sad and isolated. I kept my emotions well hidden most of the time through my dx & surgery but about a month later I was very sad and anxious. This faded to be replaced with a stunned sort of inactivity...each day just blending into the next - I seemed to be in slow motion, looking out of myself and not really feeling much - perhaps I had some sort of depression. I have come through this but I am different to what I was before bootface.

honeygirl

OK ladies and UB , in one of my posts that got "lost in cyber space" I had told you all about the "gift" one of my bestfriends gave me for my birthday. A swimming pool!!!! They bought a bigger one , and wanted me to have there old one. So I have been busy putting it up. And also have gone on 9 hours at work. Which means I have to get up at 3:30am to go to work , so I have been going to bed early. I have really missed you all! Hugs to you all.

Lisa and Anne , sounds like you are off on wonderful vacations. Lisa , please let me know when you are home so we can set another date to get together.

Sue glad you got your foobies. Now go out and shop till you drop! You deserve to feel as beautiful as you are!xxxx

Suebee , I'm glad you are getting surgery again. I mean , they are truely interested in making you all you can be. That is wonderful. Hang in there , soon you will be looking and feeling much better.xxxx

Jane and Karen , so good to here from you both. Karen , I believe it is fate and you will get the house you will be satisfied with. Sometimes it just takes time. And Jane , I feel so blest by you. You always have such wonderful words of love and wisdom for everyone. I wish sooo much I could meet you and laugh and talk and give you a big hug!xxxx

Ulla , so good to see you honey. I'm glad you had a good time. I hope you will post again , I get such strength from you. And love. You are such an inspriing person. My prayers to you and your family. Hope your mom is feeling better.

Oh , I'm sorry UB , a belated happy birthday to you! Hope it was a good one. OK ladies and UB , I'm gonna try and get a few things done tonight. I love you all sooo much. Peace be with you all. xxxx Melody

easyquilts

Judie....I think...from reading your post...that in your heart, you want to take this opportunity to once again have your own home...I say GO FOR IT, GIRL!!!

Let me tell you a short story....I work for a non-profit that helps low to moderate income people buy their own homes...We provide a hand-up...not a handout....We do lots of education, down-payment assistance and help our clients secure good loans...It is all paid back...As I said, we provide a hand up, and that is so important.

My point is that one of our clients is a 75 year old woman who is currently living with her daughter and SIL...She likes it there, but longs to be in her own home again..So...At 75, she is working with us to make that dream come true....Your story reminded me of Janet Grace.....She is going for it, and so should you...I think you would come to regret not taking this wonderful opportunity.

Sandy

geebung

3.30 in the morning! Oh that's hard Mel! I'm glad you are ok though and that you are getting lots of early nights to make up for your early mornings. I used to work in a factory 11pm to 7am. Then I got an injury so they put me on half-shifts. I preferred this to staying up all night but I still had to get up at 2.15 which wasn't exactly fun!

Karen, that is so disappointing about the house plans. Still, it's better to find out now rather than half way through building. I hope you find the right design soon - I can't wait to hear progress reports!

I think I'd better start taking lottery tickets - I want to come and meet you all in the fall! 

Anonymous

Wow! What a feast. You are a fabulous group of women.

Karen, I second what Mel says. Today's disappointment is a prelude to finding the house you are meant to have. I'm so good at platitudes, yes? But this one comes from the heart. It will happen.

Ulla, your words touched my heart. You miss the Ulla before bootface. We all miss so much the life before that nasty villain interrupted it. There is no going back. There is a new, stronger Ulla who has lost her innocence and survived. You are now in a new place and it will take time to adjust, but know that you are very, very much Ulla...loved, strong, intelligent, motivated, beautiful, loving, kind...and you have given us more than you can ever know. Your words about home hit me right between the eyes. Thank you. It sounds like you are in a quiet, reflective, sad time. This is so very normal. Drift on through it as you can.

Jane, I had trouble reading your post through tears welling up. They made me feel more whole and hopeful than I have in a long time. The picture you paint is exactly my ideal, and it can't happen in the suburbs, now, can it??? Bless you.

Dearest Mel, your concept of life is one I do not share fully, but expresses so much of the goodness of life and connection of us all. I fully agree that as long as Valerie is remembered, she lives. She will be with us for many years. Your "blunt" assessment of my current situation was a breath of fresh air. I think too much. Sometimes one must just go for it and you shoved me right up front. Thanks.

Wren, you read my gut instincts correctly, but the part about being with the over 55 crowd is one of the things I dislike about the plan. I just don't fit in. I'm only forty-something, I think. (I wish) I really like hanging out with all ages.

Sandy, thank you for the story. I feel so old (65 last month) that it seems too late to do anything. Your give me inspiration. Up and at 'em!!!

So, it seems that I was not balanced in my reporting. My leaning toward independence came through loud and clear. I really appreciate being tipped in the direction of taking a chance. My youngest son (19) is coming to help me begin the process tomorrow. We'll just go to the apartment and start cleaning and just experience being there. Lots and lots to do. The actual move will be over the July 4th weekend. Off we go!!!

I love you all so much,

Judie

geebung

Judie! Yippee! How exciting! I feel that you have made the right decision. And it's not as though you are moving far away from your family... I think it will be fun! I can tell that your family loves you very much and they want to see you happy and fulfilled. This is a fresh beginning.

Hugs,

Jane xxx 

easyquilts

Yay!!!  Good for you, Judie!!!  I'm thrilled that you are stepping out!  I wil be sixt-five on September 11th....Sometimes it DOES feel old, but you know it really isn't....I know plenty of 80 year old women who are very active and happy....

So....Enjoy!

Sandy

honeygirl

Judie , Good for you!!!!! I will live vicariously through you!xxxx

Good morning lovely ladies and UB. I'm wishing good moments to you all.

livesstrong

Hello Ladies - quiet around here tonight.

I've read back and was going to offer my advice to you Judie but it looks like you all ready took it!  You go girl!! On to a new adventure!!

Mel - Welcome Back - Thanks for your kind words about Val. She was special. Have a blast with the pool - I think its going to be a long hot summer and a pool hits the spot!!

Karen - sorry the house fell thru.  You'll find something again, don't fret.

Ulla - hey girl!!  Sorry you are so blue.  It does get better, I promise.

Jane - how's the weather down under? How cold will it get by you?? 

Wren - glad you are feeling better

Nancy - hope you are chilling out.

Sue - where are you girlfriend??  I slapped UB like you asked. lol  Poor guy, is really tired lately.   Darn s/e's just don't want to disappear.

Not much new around here - I stained 2 lamp bases I had, they came out nice. The Salvation Army came and took my entertainment center so my living room is almost back to normal.  I have been spending allot of time on the patio - its so relaxing. UB & I have been talking about moving to Florida. I was online looking at houses today. It's just way to expensive living here in Jersey and we want to move where its warm.  I'll keep you posted.

Have a great nite ladies, 

AE 

portiasproudmom

Hi everyone!  I'm back from the Relay for Life.  For the first time in my entire life, I actually stayed up for a whole night.  I'll tell you what--I am TIRED!  It was nice though, and we raised over $2,000 for bc research.

Judie, just like AE, I was going to throw in my two cents worth, but you already made the same decision I would have suggested.  What a great opportunity for you!  I'm very envious.  When I was younger, I always wanted an apartment in the downtown Seattle area.  My ex-husband and I came very close to doing it when we were first married.  It would be so nice to be so close to everything the city has to offer.  I think you're going to be very happy with this arrangement!

Mel, it was so great to hear from you!  I've missed you!  Do you like your new work schedule?  I wish it didn't keep you away from us so much .  Sorry, I'm being selfish, aren't I?  Love you, Mel!

Welcome back, Ulla!  I'm glad you had a nice little holiday.  I really hope you start feeling like your old self very soon.

Well, my eyes are burning, so I'm going to run.  Love to Jane, Shirlann, AE, Sue, Lisa, Nancy, Anne, Sandy, Wren, Suebee, Sheila, and anyone I may be missing.  My brain is mush!

Love and hugs,

Karen

portiasproudmom

Thank you all for your supportive words regarding our house situation.  I know it will all work out in the long run, but it's just so frustrating!  Sigh.....I just have to be patient.