please help

my3girls

A quick hello, before I head off to work. Wren...please know that we are here for you when you venture down the road for your final reconstruction surgery.  Prayers and good wishes for you. You are strong, and I know you will come out doing well, and looking marvelous!! Karen...honey, I am so sorry about your dad.  You are right this stinks!! I will continue to pray for your dad and your mom and of course you!! What is your dad's name?  I like to put a name to my prayer. Judi...I love reading your posts...you are so kind and thought provoking.  You really are a gentle soul. It would be very difficult if Danni would ever decide to move that far away. I don't think she would, but you never know.  Chicago is far enough for me. Here is a weird one to leave you all with.  My ex (girls dad...one I was married to for 22 yrs) called last night to see if I would give him Alise's cell # (the girls don't talk to him) and we ended up talking for about an hour!! That was so weird, but actually nice in a small way.  We do have 3 children together, and with all we have been through, I allways wanted to at least be civil with one another.  Anyhow...nothing more than that...but it's been 6 yrs since I have talked to him!!  Small miracles I guess.  I just hope he doesn't get the wrong idea!! NO WAY!!! K...off to work!! Check in with my lovely sisters later. Sorry for those I did not mention....you know I love you all! xoxo Lisa

lvtwoqlt

Thanks for the encouragement on seeking another opinion on my teeth. It is more a matter of finances and I went through braces after my divorce to straighten my teeth (one selfish thing for myself), I want to keep them and not crowns unless absolutely necessary.

Karen, we went through some of the same things with my grandfather. I will be praying for you, your mom and dad.

Wren, If you have any questions on reconstruction, I went through that last year. I had the ps office do the tattoos but I am not entirely pleased with the results. I have found a woman in Asheville (about 70 miles) from me that will redo them over the 4th of July vacation for 'free' to honor her mom who died from BC in 1980. I did not want to give the doctor a third try and have to pay him again.

Lisa, my ex called before our son turned 17 thinking he was going to be 18 and said that John needed to know about his sperm donor. John agreed to get a letter from him and it would be up to John to follow-up if he wanted to continue the relationship. His dad actually brought the letter to the grocery store when John was working and handed it to him and walked out of the store. We read the letter together and John decided that he did not need that influence in his life.

Love everyone, can't remember all of my lovely sister's names.

Sheila

NancyD

Good morning everyone,

Karen, keeping you, your Dad, and your mom in my prayers. Sounds like he is nearing his time, but I hope he hangs in there and is comfortable.

Wren, I won't have recon until next year some time, but the thought of not sleeping on my stomach is keeping me awake already. I went through that a few times with pregnancy and did not enjoy it. It was pure bliss after delivery to be able to go to sleep the most comfortable way I knew. Let us know how it "feels" when the girls are back in a comfortable position.

Lisa, I talk to my ex all the time. Well, every couple of months. Our kids still visit him occasionally, and when one of them is having problems (as our oldest is now) we discuss things so we know what the other parent has done/is doing and don't get played against each other.  It's also a way I can sort of keep tabs on how ex is doing financially. I don't expect him to come into a fortune any time, but since he owes me mucho moolah, I feel justified to know whether he's living on the edge (as he says) or is really more comfortably off than he lets on.  --- And Olivia's prom dress was spectacular! I hope she had a good time...according to my daughter, the most fun is AFTER the prom. Most kids make a weekend of it around here, everything from getting a house at the Jersey Shore to an evening cruise around Manhattan.

Jane, I have had several friends whose parent (coincidentally, their mother in most cases) suffered Alzheimer's. It was such a mixed feeling when they died; relief that the burden of caring for them was over, but so sad that they were gone, long gone mentally, before their physical death. I hope you can get good care for her.

Mel, I'm glad someone took the step with Oprah...it's hard to put yourself out there and contact big names, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I looked at the website a few times and found where to email them, but I felt as a relative newcomer, it wasn't my place.

AE - I love your patio. The nautical theme is perfect for the summer and is one I've often thought of doing. We're in the process of cleaning ours up after the winter mess. The first step was paint the porch (DONE) and reorganize our shed (DONE). Now we can clean the deck and repair or replace the furniture that didn't fair too well over the winter. I totally did NOT do any gardening this spring, so the only flowers we've had are my perennials. I may get a few big pots over the weekend, but my focus is on getting the furniture fixed. We spend a lot of time out there in the summer.

Suebee...how are you doing?  

And Sue...hope you haven't fallen into a funk. Busy at work? 

I have about four weeks to get my stuff done here at my work, so I'd better quit this jabbering and get back to what they pay me to do.

geebung

Karen, I am so sorry the cardiologist was so discouraging. Is it worth getting a second opinion? I am just about to go to sleep but I will most certainly pray for your father and his whole family which includes your dear sweet self.

Sending you my warmest thoughts,

Jane xxx 

portiasproudmom

Thanks everyone.  You guys are the absolute best!  I took some Ativan last night to help me sleep--which it did.  The hardest part of all this is that I know how hard it is on both my dad AND mom, dealing with his declining health and dependence on someone for pretty much every daily function.  He needs help washing himself, eating, getting himself back "together" after using the bathroom...you name it.  He can barely walk at this point and has fallen on several occasions recently.  I know he's tired and my mom's exhausted from caring for him.  I think he's scared of death though, and my mom's whole life is wrapped up in caring for him.  That's her purpose.  What will she do when he's gone?  It's a scary thought.

Anyway, thanks for all your support, ladies.  It means so much to me.  Lisa, my dad's name is Heinz (like the ketchup).

I have to go get ready for my onc appt this morning.  I'll bbl.

Love and hugs,

Karen

Ulla

hi girls..

i am really down today..i called my onk office to ask about this (bleeding-period for the 3rd day)

they refered me to lab 2moro to have hormonal blood test to c wats going on????am afraid,,worried,,sad,,DH is very depressed since we called them,,cant have any good or posative ideas..

sorry to bother u all but need to vent,,

is there any end for all this worries????????

Ulla

the nurse said that i shouldnt have a period after the tamox and zoladex inj...which made me more worried,,

just cant stop crying

ehall

We know this is a tough time for you. 

Did the nuses give you any informaion on tamoxifen.  In a nutshell, it  acts as an "anti-estrogen" in the body. Although Tamoxifen acts as an "anti-estrogen" in breast tissue, it in fact acts like estrogen in other body systems. This leads women who take Tamoxifen to experience many of the same benefits and side effects as women who undergo estrogen replacement therapy. This can include irregular periods, early menopause, weight gain/loss, etc. 

Don't despair you will feel better with time.  Hugs from Atlanta!

Erin 

Anonymous

Oh Karen,

I know we are only across the mountain from each other but I sure wish we were closer right now so I could give you a hug.....

You dont sound like a broken record so STOP THAT!!!!!!! We are here for each other no matter what and if we all have to pray like the dickens to get you and your family through this then thats just what we will do....

If you ever need anyone to talk to day or night pm me and I will give you my number.....I remember only too well how long the nights can be when your worried about a loved one.....

Hugs to you and your mom

Love

Jule

livesstrong

Karen- just logged on at worjk and read your post - I am so sorry to heqr about your father. Life sure has a way of throwing a curve ball at us from time to time.  They are both lucky they have you in their life.

Hang in there girlfriend.

AE 

livesstrong

Karen- just logged on at work and read your post - I am so sorry to hear about your father. Life sure has a way of throwing a curve ball at us from time to time.  They are both lucky they have you in their life.

Hang in there girlfriend.

AE 

livesstrong

These darn double posts are driving me crazy!!

Shirlann

Hi sisters, I snuck back on Walt's computer for a quick post and a

 look at the posts.

Ulla, I just don't understand why you are having all this grief and so little help?  Idiots.  I think you can have periods with those drugs, seems like some do, some don't, but anyway, hang in there, honey, you will get throught this.

Olivia looks soooo gorgeous,  I love the lovely girls in prom clothes!  What a fun time of life for mom, too.

Sheila, how very, very civilized and sooo good for the children.  I read about a couple who divorced, both re-married, and somehow, (the God's must have smiled on them) they all four became fast friends.  They spent vacations together (with all their kids), Christmas', etc.  So wonderful, usually not possible, but how nice

for the children, since they love you both.

Dear Karen, my prayers are with you and your Dad, this is so hard, I am so sorry. 

Where is Sue?  I bet she has crashed.  Does anyone know what halal is?  Extra work, for sure.  But Sue mentions it and I don't know what she is talking about, probably an acronym.

SueBee, sure hope you are well and okay. 

Please know that I love you all and will be back oftener when my computer is fixed.  I miss you all so much.

Hugs, Shirlann 

NancyD

Shirlann, Halal is the muslim version of kosher.

AnneW

Hey, girlfriends,

I had a bit of a meltdown today. Totally unexpected, and I'm still trying to make sense of it.

A friend of mine took me to lunch today. He's like a little brother to me, a dear, sweet guy who my hubby and I have seen through a decade of relationships. This means we get to know the girlfriends well, develop strong ties, get lots of stories, then they break up. I usually stay friends with them. But apparently I have said a few things around the new (and I think permanent) girl that were insensitive, and most likely I did overstep my boundaries, unintentionally.

So, he wanted to talk to me about it, about her insecurity, etc. Normally, I would have no problem with this, I would be rational and understanding, and contrite. And I guess I was, but I started crying and just couldn't stop.

Poor guy, he just held my hand. He reached to hug me, and I spilled my ice water, which did provide for some needed comic relief.

I was able then, to figure out what was really going on...I had just gotten back from a quick visit with my PS...I have not once cried about losing my breasts and having to deal with this cancer for a second time. Why it came out now, I'm not sure, but it sure needs to come, and I'm tearing up again as I write this.

Wow, I didn't realize I had it so buried. I'm pretty much a stoic person, do what you got to do and move forward. And now, I'm stopped in my tracks.

Interestingly, this tearful meltdown coincides with stopping my Zoloft. I had been feeling so darn good lately (except for this damned nerve pain) that I thought maybe I didn't need the med any more. And maybe I don't. But now I feel a deep gash in my psyche that I didn't have to acknowledge before.

Just when you think you're moving on, reality smacks you down a bit. But, true to form, I'll lick my wounds for a day or so, then jump back in with both feet.

And restart that Zoloft. I think my seratonin needs it.

I don't know what I would do without you ladies to share this with.

Anne

Anonymous

Anne

Im sorry that you had a meltdown but its extremely normal...who knows why they happen when they do but it did need to come out...you've held it together through alot!!!!!

Dont feel bad about it at all.....like you said, lick the wounds for a bit then get up and get back in the saddle and get going!!!!!

You've probably needed this release for awhile and just didnt realize it..

Hugs to better days

Jule

portiasproudmom

Wow!  I guess I'm not the only one having a rough time.  Thanks to everyone's kind words.  You are all the very bestest !!

Jule, if things get much worse, I just may take you up on your offer.  Thank you!!  Love you, Jule!

Ulla, I wouldn't worry too much about the period, sweetheart.  I'm sure the medications are working.  I don't blame you for being concerned though.  I'm glad they're getting you in tomorrow to check it out.  Hang in there, sweetheart!

Anne, it sounds like you were WAY overdue for a good cry.  I've kept it together pretty well during this whole ordeal.  I just know that something's going to set me off one of these days and I'm going to start bawling and won't be able to stop.  Hang in there, hon!  Do you feel better after letting all that pent up stuff out?

So good to see you, Shirlann!  I can't wait for you to get your computer back.  We miss you and love you!!!

Love to everyone--Sue, Suebee, Mel, Lisa, AE, Sheila, Nancy, Jane, Kaloni, AnnNY, Lucy, Erin, and anyone I may have missed.

Hugs,

Karen

Anonymous

Karen,

You have the number......anytime you need Im here...you dont even have to wait until things get worse.

Yes Ulla, try to relax and breath a little...I really think the meds are working and it just takes time for things to settle in a bit.....

Gotta run talk with you ladies maybe later this evening...

Hugs

Jule

AnneW

Yeah, I really do miss my breasts. I'm finally admitting it to myself. Not just saying the words, but really feeling the impact of this process.

My first time with cancer the emotion was in the diagnosis and angst over treatment. With this second one, the emotion seems to be more in the physical treatment.

So, figuring I was in a crappy enough mood (pun intended!) I made an appointment for my colonoscopy! I have to have them every 5 years, since my mom had breast cancer but died of colon cancer (age 60.) Delightful.

Anyway, thanks for the words. I'll perk up soon. When it's time.

hugs,

Anne

my3girls

Hi sisters!

Karen...I just said a prayer for you, and your family..and especially Heinz!  I pray that God will be with you no matter what His plan holds for your father.

Sheila..your ex (John's sperm donor) sounds like quite a piece of work. I think John made the right decision.  I can't wait to see your pics of you and John when you get them developed!

Nancy...that is good you and your ex talk.  I have raised the girls pretty much solo for so long.  It is their choice not to talk to their dad.  So it's just me and them.  No decisions shared with him, since they don't want him in their life right now.  Smart on your part too, to keep that eye on the finances..lol

Ulla..darling..please try not to worry. I have heard of people having periods on tamox also.  Just try and put it out of your mind for now.  Wait till you see the doc tomorrow.  Love you Ulla!!

Shirlann...so good to see you.  We miss you around here.  Thanks on the sweet comments you all made about Olivia...she did have a great time.  The after prom was fun too.

Anne...you needed that good cry.  It's not good to be so stoic and not let it out once in awhile.  A good cry is good for the soul.

I bet going off of the zoloft did have allot to do with it.  But I am glad you let it out...it's cleansing.

Back to work...love to you all!

xoxo

Lisa

geebung

Karen, this is such a hard time for you and your parents. I am so sorry that you have to face such sadness and worry when you are still fragile from your own recent treatments and all the stress, exhaustion and worry that has caused. Please don't ever feel that you are a broken record. This is sad, unfair and just plain horrible for you all and you need as much support and love as possible at this time. Love to you sweet one.

Ulla - I am no authority on tamoxifen but everyone is different as to how they react to medications. I find it very frustrating when people say that your  body "should" or "shouldn't" be reacting in a certain way...you are you and your metabolism is different to other women. From what I have heard and read, there are lots of different reactions to tamoxifen at the beginning of taking the medication and these usually settle down. I'm sorry this is upsetting you and giving you worry. Hope it is all sorted out soon.

Ann, I hope you feel better soon. You probably need to cry some more and let it all out. I bet you have been bottling up your real feelings for such a long time and they need to be released. The Zoloft has been blocking things and has been useful in getting you through but perhaps it is good for you to have gone off it for a short time to let your emotions vent?

Nancy - I love to hear of divorced couples who can forget their differences and forge a new friendship. If only people could do this for their kids, I'm sure divorce would lose a lot of its sting. My kids' father has so much resentment I cannot see him ever being able to speak to me and we have been divorced for 21 years! My sons are already hoping to elope if they get married so they don't have to have face the discomfort of having their parents at their weddings! I wish I could be friends with him...

Love to everyone,

Jane 

livesstrong

I think its time ladies - 

c="

Wren

Karen,

You and your parents are in my prayers. I hope you will all be strong enough to face whatever lies ahead.

Ulla,

I'm sure your body will eventually adjust. It has been through so much. I'm glad you will see your doctor soon, though. In the meantime, know that I'm thinking of you and sending good wishes your way.

Sue,

Where are you??? Are you working too hard or are you resting up???  I hope you are resting.

Now, I must get back to my latest project of putting non-skid strips on my shower floor...  It's just too slippery, and after surgery it's dangerous to be dizzy and slippy at the same time... I tried a tub mat last time, but it didn't really work; so I'm on 'plan B'...

Ahh, the little things we do to get ready for surgery... (again)

All my stuff is down on lower shelves and dressers too for a while (again)... Thank goodness I have no little children in the house; it would be a lot harder.

Although, I sure miss having little children; that was a fun, busy time.

sueps

Good Evening Sister xxx

Well it is good morning now as it is clocking on for 1am xxx

(((Karen))) i want you to know you have been in my heart all evening since I read your posts....you are such a loving daughter...and I am praying for you and your parents...I think we have similar bonds with our dads...and I can only imagine the time you are all going through.... life can be so sad...Please know we are all thinking of you xxx

(((Anne)))  .....meltdowns are good.....you are such a strong upbeat sister that probably when ya have a meltdown it seems unusual...NOT.....it is your heads natural way of letting it out...then you have the space to compartmentalise all your thoughts again...and do you know something Anne...I have a flash evey so often that I will grieve for my breast at some point....as I have just finished tx my head isnt ready to go there yet....but my my melt down will come LOL...I love you Anne...your posts to me have been a strength to me xxxx

Wren...I am saying loads of prayers for you too and your surgery...god bless ya..... ooohhhhh I wish all our kids were little again...MAKES ME SAD lol.....this time next month you will be on the mend...

Do you know sisters ...I need to move to America ...I want to be closer to you all xxx

Sorry for the waffley post...working lots and crashing bad...xxx

I love you all xxx

ae I need a hug off ya .... I just really do xxx

portiasproudmom

Hi Sue!  Glad to see you!  Thank you for the kind words.  Thanks to Wren, Jane, AE, Lisa, and everyone else.  You guys comfort me more than even my dh can.  Gosh, I hope Oprah can bring us all together.  I just HAVE to meet you all and give you biiiiigggg squeezes!

My dad had blood taken yesterday and they've discovered that his potassium level is too high.  This is sort of weird since he takes supplements (his diuretics deplete him of potassium).  Some of the side effects of high potassium in the blood are exactly what he's been experiencing--trouble breathing, confusion, paralysis of limbs, nausea, diarrhea, etc..  I guess we'll have to see if laying off the supplements will help.  Sigh.....

Much love and hugs to all!

Karen

my3girls

Hi Sue...good to see you sweetie!  You are probably crashed by now.  But I am sending you a big hug and a kiss! MOVE TO AMERICA...MOVE TO AMERICA!! That would be great!! I also pray that Oprah will bring us all together!! Oh my goodness....like Karen...I can't wait to see all of you and give lots of big HUGS!! Karen...that is almost good news that his potassium levels are off. Maybe it is something less severe and treatable.  I hope they can figure all of this out.  Prayers to you Heinz.xoxo Ae..have you and Ub spent time out on your patio enjoying your favorite beverage?   Or have you had some bad weather that we had?  I think about sitting out there..it's so inviting! Well..home from work...it's after 9pm here..and I want to get some laundry folded before I collapse. xoxo Lisa

livesstrong

Hi All,

It's late here as well - just wanted to check in on my bff's before I hit the sack.

Karen, I think Lisa is right - it is better news about your Dad.  I remember a few years back my uncle was showing signs of Alzheimer's, forgetting things, thinking he had to go to work (he was retired),etc., anyway, turned out he was deficient in B12!  He got some shots & he was good as new.

Anne - I actually envy you.  I think a good cry soothes the soul.  Don't ever be ashamed to let it out.

Lisa - I have to take a picture of the patio when its dark out - it looks so cool.  We have spent some time out there all ready.  I am trying to figure out this stupid router I have so I can go wireless and bring my laptop out there at night.  I remember when we were in the Keys last year, when we would walk up to Duval Street(the main drag) we passed this guy on his front porch in the dark with his laptop.  I would think to myself - now thats the life.  Just hanging out, in this beautiful town, chilling out at night.  i was so jealous!!lol.

Wren - Good Luck with the surgery.  Seems like the journey never ends.  

Hey Shirlann - (waving at you) - good to see ya!  How is Walt feeling?? 

Nancy - the cleaning never stops, does it?  Just an FYI - I always paint corners and around windows first.

Sue - YOU MUST MOVE HERE!!!  The only problem would be which state??  Let us know what your preferences are and we will hook you up with the right place. lol.  How is that table coming?  I need pictures!!  UB mentioned last night about crossing the pond for a visit - maybe next year.  I REALLY want to - do your hear that UB?  (he reads here everyday) - hahahaha

Sure wish you ladies would join me at Pinkstock.  It would be sooo cool to have you there.

Why isn't Oprah getting back to Mel - doesn't she know how much we want this!!

I know I have missed many - Ulla, Judie, Jane, Jule  -and everyone else this tired brain has forgotten - sweet dreams -

AE 

AnneW

Sue, we'd love to have you here in the USA with us, butI want to come to the UK one day and find you there!

Karen, high potassium levels could be from supplements, but I assume they've checked his kidneys? Renal failure can do some of this, too.

Ulla, did you just get your first Zoladex? It stops the ovaries, but sometimes there's extra tissue in our uterus to be shed when we don't ovulate. For some, it's just a trickle. For others, it's like the floodgates opened. If the bleeding seems worse than a normal period (clots, very heavy) you may need an U/S and maybe a D&C. You have had such a terrible time--I ache for you.

Sheila, my dentist has been "pushing" on-lays, which are sort of like crowns only smaller. And darned expensive. He showed me all these "cracks" in me teeth (yes, they crack and wear over a half century!) but I wouldn't do it till one tooth started hurting. The last thing I want is a root canal. So, he did two teeth, and it cost about $1500 (insurance actually covered a little!) But still!

Oh, and Sheila, let me know how it goes with Earlene in Asheville. How many months are you past exchange? My ps won't even discuss the next stage (nips, aerola) till September. I'm leaning hard toward 3D tats. I've heard too much about flat fips.

Well, gal-pals, it's off to bed. It's been a long , emotional day.

Anne

Anonymous

Anne, you brought me right along into tears over loss...I don't think I will ever get over it. In planning surgery, I was totally nonchalant. Breasts are not who I am. I like flat...always wished I wasn't quite so well-endowed. My mom was very small, and couldn't understand why I didn't appreciate them more, but it was no big deal to me having big tits. Thus my attitude about surgery was exemplary...for a while. Then it came to living with ugly scars and knowing that part of my body is missing. Suddenly I cared. I cared a lot. The grief only gets worse. A good cry is cleansing and brings a little relief. Thanks.

After the tears, I got something to make me smile. It's a brag, so won't make anyone else smile as broadly, but sharing it helps my grin a lot!

This is a link to a blog done for the Seattle PI, the major newspaper in town. The author is my baby boy.

That's all I can write for now. Be back tomorrow!

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/Flyfishing/archives/140413.asp?source=rss 

portiasproudmom

Your son writes for the Seattle PI, Judie?  That is so cool!  I'll have to check it out tomorrow.  Right now, I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.  G'night!!!

Hugs,

Karen