I am getting there! Slowly. There is Hope!

beth1225

Good afternoon Kaloni and glad to hear today looks brighter. You know, we are all allowed a sad day. There is no way to be 100% cheerful everyday. As I always heard from my grandmother, even Pollyanna had a bad day.

So TGIF!! have a great weekend and go buy a little something to make you happy at the dollar store. It does wonders and costs little.

JaxsonHarley

Hi Kaloni,

I am glad you are having a better day,and found your good thing for today! A friend sent me an email,thought I would share with all of you.
SHOULD CHILDREN WITNESS CHILDBIRTH?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.The house was very dark so the paramendic asked Kathleen, a 3 yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommmy so he could see while he delivered the baby. Very diligently,Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi, her mom, pushed & pushed,and after a little while, Conner was born.The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.Conner began to cry.The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded;" He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place...Smack his ass again!"

This one definitely made me smile!! Have a good week-end, here's to finding your good thing once a day! (((hugs))) and Love, Jackie

betsy43

Hi Kaloni,

So glad you're feeling better!! Hugs, & prayers coming your way. Hope tomorrow is even better.

Hugs,
Betsy

honeygirl

Hi Kaloni. I'm sooo sorry to see you feeling like this. I wish I had the right words to make you feel better as you have helped me in the past. I can certainly relate to how you are feeling. I cry , then I'm ok. Then I'm not ok. then I cry again. Then I'm ok etc... I am taking xanax , but only when I feel a wave of panic coming on . So Maybe I need something more for depression than anxiety. I'm gonna talk to my doctor. Kaloni , I think we are reacting the way me should be. We are going through something devestating and it is frightening and such a roller-coster ride. I thank God for leading me here to all my bc sisters(and brothers). I don't know how I would have gotten as far as I have without you and the rest. My best friend in the whole world came to help me after my surgery on 3/29. I'm 49 and have known her since I was 6. We live states apart and don't get together nearly enough. But she came as soon as she could. And now she has to leave to go back home tomorrow. I am already crying and don't feel I am ready for her to leave. But she has to get back to her job. I will be ok. And I am so greatful she and I got to spend 2 wks. together. Believe me , that would not of happened if it were not for this devestating beast. So I will pull this positive out of this negative mess. I will be praying for you espically for you and your reconstruction surgery. You are truly a beautiful person that deserves to be at peace with yourself and happy. I pray that God shall heal you mentally , emotionally and physically. May you gain strentgh and happiness daily.
Thanks for all the times you helped me.
Honeygirl


"if you know the way ,light it for others"

Ka-Loni

Hello, Thank you sweety for your post. I think all the posts are wonderful. They are good medicine. I been meaning to respond to each of you, but instead I just pop in daily. Today, I feel good. I am going to my friend's babyshower. She is having a babygirl. I got her plenty of things she will need. It will be fun. This will be my good thing today. I pray for a real good day today in spending time with friends. I will talk to you soon. Have a great day!

God Bless You,
Kaloni

karens1955

Hi,Kaloni,
I hope you had a good time yesterday at the baby shower,and hope today will be even better. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
Karen

honeygirl

Hi Kaloni! I hope you had fun at the baby shower. when my girlfriend was here for the two weeks , we went shopping one day for her new grand-daughter. That was so much fun.I love buying baby things and haven't done it for a long time. Well , I hope it was fun and you are having a peaceful happy day.

JaxsonHarley

Hi Kaloni,
I too hope you had a wonderful time at the baby shower.Some thing about babies that just soothe your soul, don't you think? Anyway, hope you are feeling peace in your heart, and found your good thing today,(((hugs))) & Love, Jackie

Ka-Loni

I better pop in and say hello, and thank you for your beautiful posts. It has been so beautiful today, and I wanted to go for a walk, but it is cold and windy on the water. So, I will do my Yoga instead. I have some bad news, and good news too. I am not having my reconstruction on April 23. They could not arrange it for my two plastic surgeons to meet. Geez! I am not happy. I am not having it until July 31. For sure. It is a definite open spot for the surgeons. Boy, I had everything planned out for myself. Now, the good news is I have more time to get myself together. I am starting my support group sessions soon, and I can get some weight off and exercise, so it will not be so hard after my surgery.I am going to be changing my anti-depressants I take in June. These have contributed to alot of my weight gain. And, then I will be good to go in July. This news really stinks. But, I keep God right here with me. I need to keep my faith and hope going. Please pray for me, because I sure need it. I will talk to you soon.

God Bless You,
Kaloni

karens1955

Hi, Kaloni,
I know you're disappointed about having to wait until July for your surgery, but like you said, it gives you a little more time. It sounds like you've got a good attitude about the whole thing!! Have a good night and a good day tomorrow,
Karen

JaxsonHarley

Kaloni,
Even though it is disappointing that is not until July, like you said, it gives you more time to pamper yourself,get in shape, not that I know that you are not, you know.I think everyone should excersise and work to keep their body healthy, especially with what we are going through.Keep God and his love in your heart and keep us close too, we are here for you.My reconstruction may have to be delayed due to an infection I am fighting right now. We have to start chemo soon, so the expander may have to come out, and wait until after treatment is finished. I had this plan all ready to go, then infection jumped into the middle of it all. Believe me, there have been a few days I just had to let the tears flow,so I could feel better.Hang in there Kaloni, as will I,good things will come out of this,one way or another.I am praying for you to have strength,and faith, and sending (((hugs))) to help you feel better.I see the Oncologist tomorrow, then PS on Weds. I will check back tomorrow and make sure you are finding your good thing. Peace to you, Jackie

Ka-Loni

Hi Jackie, I need to thank you for your lovely posts. I do have my favorites. But, their all so beautiful. They do cheer me up. Yes, I am so disappointed with having to wait so long. In the meantime I can get myself together. You might be delayed too. Oh Geez! All this can be very long. Yes, your right good things will come. Right now, I need to keep my faith and hope going. And my strength of all.I will keep you informed. Today, my good thing is posting to you. Take Care.

God Bless You,
Kaloni

shorfi

Okay...my turn today. I am a little down today because as I mentioned earlier in another post, I had my 6 month follow-up with the surgical oncologist who is now requesting a bilateral MRI. She said my exam was good, but in the back of my mind I am wondering...is she telling me the truth, am I really ok??? I had to be precertified before having the MRI and the doctor's office called me at least 3 times to give me the pre-cert numbers...and that had me thinking...why are they calling me so much? I AM A TERROR IN MY OWN MIND!!!!

So on Wednesday after work I will be getting the right breast MRI and on Friday afternoon will be getting the left breast MRI...uggghh. Now I am in a tizzy worrying if everything is really ok. As a result I am feeling so depressed that I could hardly get up yesterday and took the day off.

But I am saying all this to say...that it is normal to feel down sometimes...and I am taking anti-depressants.

Hope you are doing well today Kaloni. "Talk" to you soon.

JaxsonHarley

Hi Kaloni,
I am checking in to see if you have found your good thing today, and I am happy to find that you have,bless you honey,stay with it, I told you I would come everyday to make sure, and I am a woman of my word! My good thing today was 1)seeing that you found yours!
2)My oncologist said I only have to have 4 treatments,and they do not include adriamycin-whoo-hoo!
Tomorrow I go to see plastic surgeon to recheck infection,I am hoping he is one of 2 good things tomorrow, posting here would be #2!!
Sheri,
After all we have been through, it is normal to be worried, but don't let it overwhelm you.They have to sometimes be very careful when it comes to making sure of things, think positive in the fact that they just want to make sure you are fine.Taking a day off for a "mental" break was a good idea.Now try to think of the MRI as a reason to maybe take a nap after work.When I had mine, they had headphones so I could listen to the radio, I just had a little more resting time that day.Take a deep breath,stay positive as you want those good enzymes flowing through you,and like I told Kaloni, you have to find that silver lining everyday, find just one good thing.If it's just coming here, then so be it! Have a wonderful evening girls and know that I am wishing you both a peaceful evening,(((hugs))) and love,
Jackie

Ka-Loni

Hello, it's me again. It is just beautiful out today. Well, I had a follow up visit with my breast surgeon yesterday. It seems that it never ends. My labwork was fine. But, I showed my nurse practitioner some red marks on my right breast. She did a biopsy of it, just to be on the safe side. She really thinks the red markings are stretch marks from gaining weight. So, I am not too worried. My mammo already came back clean. So, she will let me know on this. And, I have some new appointments already scheduled. It never does end, does it. Well, I just need to stay positive and strong these next 3 months until my surgery date. Today, Is so beautiful out, so I think I will clean my babies (my birds) Tweet and LilySue. And, I will enjoy a nice walk as well. I will remember to hold on to my hope today. And, please keep praying for me. I need all the prayers I can get.

God Bless,
Kaloni

ripplesdf

Prayers and ((((((HUGS)))))) Kaloni!!! It is beautiful here today too in the Catskill Mtns of NY. I want to go out and "play" but I have 4 preschool kids here til 3:30 (schoolteachers kids). THEN I can go outside (LOL) that's my positive for today. I have an apptmt tomorrow with a surgeon for the first time to go over my mammos and 4 yr old u/s to hopefully get a biopsy scheduled so I can go on with my life. This waiting is killing me!! I'm a wreck. My mammo from Feb said the usual "no significant changes" but at the bottom of the report there was a notation that 1. negative mammo should not delay biopsy if clinically suspicious mass is present 2. approximately 8% of cancers are not identified by mammo and 3. Dense breasts may obscure an underlying neoplasm. All my prior reports since '03 when the "area of suspicion" was noted made no mention of this. However, I did discover that 4 yrs ago the radiologist recommended MRI after negative u/s and my gyn AND breast surgeon never mentioned it!!! I was furious when I just got my reports a few weeks ago and discovered this. 4 YEARS! Now the thickening is bigger and harder and it hurts. Until I discovered this site, I never knew that we could get copies of our reports. I wish I was not so ignorant and passive back then. I put all my faith in 2 doctors and they both have let me down. Wish me luck for tomorrow and remember me in your prayers. I really need them too! Kaloni I wish you all the good things in life on this journey. I have been following your posts for a few months and I "look up" to you so much. You are a true blue friend and inspiration. Thank you again. Keepin' the faith...Dawn

Ka-Loni

Hi Dawn, Thank You so much for your beautiful post. Some do just touch my heart. Oh, I know the waiting is horrible. Get this! I was going to have reconstruction surgery possibly on April 23. Well, they can't put me in yet. I am not having surgery until July 31. Get that! I was so mad. So here I am waiting again. Ha. I hope your appointment tomorrow goes well. And, your in my prayers as well. Dawn, I have learned that hope is the key. Never give up. Talk to you later.

Good Luck,
God Bless,
Kaloni

ripplesdf

Thanks so much Kaloni. I'm so glad for you and everyone else here. I have really been okay these past few months, but this past week we lost our electricity for almost 2 days due to a storm so I had a LOT of time to think. It killed me not to be able to check on this site like I do a few times everyday. It is such a good place to me to ease the worrying and make the waiting more bearable. I am so sorry that you're having to wait so long for this surgery. Just know I'll keep in touch and you'll be in my prayers as well as everyone else here. You are all such great "shoulders to lean on". Don't know if I'll be posting here tomorrow, but I will let you know ASAP how I make out. I didn't really get all that nervous until this week. One minute I think everything is just due to aging and there's any easy explanation for this lump/thickening. Then I get this uneasy sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Well tomorrow should give me some relief one way or another. I'll be thinking of you and your support tomorrow. Take care. Keepin the faith...Dawn PS I did go out and "play" with my dog and DH. I ended up scooping dog poop up-hah!! Was that supposed to be my positive for today?LOL

JaxsonHarley

Hi Kaloni,
Just checking in on you.The weather here is beautiful, i will be out on my Harley all week-end!! I hope you will be having a wonderful week-end as well.Good Luck with your appt. today, I am thinking of you,and would like to hear how you make out. I went to PS Weds. my infection is almost gone, but we need this little drainage hole to close back up.It is being stubborn because of previous radiation I had 4 yrs ago.He might have to do an office procedure to clean it and close it next Weds. so we can get chemo started May 1rst.My expanders may have to lie flat a little longer, oh well. Dawn, your good thing was picking up the poop, and not stepping in it! I wanted to say hello to you, I am from upstate NY,Finger Lakes area.We went to the Harley Rally in Catskill last year. You live in a beautiful part of the state.In fact this years Rally is in Hunter.Don't think I will make it this time.But really hope to get back to your neck of the woods, it's so pretty there. Anyway, find your good things for today girls, will be checking back.Sending (((hugs))) and Love, Jackie

ripplesdf

Jackie, hope your wound heals soon. It can be a pain when it doesn't. I had an abscess (boil) right under my boob in December and it had to be lanced. Quite painful. It was right where the bra band runs underneath. They had to clean mine out a little too but it finally healed. Needless to say I couldn't wear a bra for almost 2 months til it healed. Now the same boob(LOL) is in question. Hoping today the surgeon consult will give me some answers. I just starting reading your post and realized you were from NY also and then read what you wrote to me.I live in Schoharie County. It is beautiful here. I can't WAIT to tell my dh that I know someone whose taking out their Harley already!!! He doesn't want to get the road salt on it. Lord knows it should be gone with all the rain/snow we had Mon and Tues!! He babies that Harley so. We got it 2 yrs ago and absolutely love it. It's and Electra Glide Classic. Quite big, but my butt fits on it and we're both happy with it LOL. Catskill is 45 minutes from me and so is Hunter. Wouldn't it be great to meet sometime-even if it's not at a rally. We went on a road trip with about 12 people last Aug. to New Hampshire. It was great even though we had a steady light rain the whole weekend. I'm hoping that whatever my boob problem is doesn't keep me from riding this summer.

My good thing for today is.....(drumroll)....I DON'T have to scoop dog poop and the sun is shining!!!;)))) Keepin' the faith...Dawn

Ka-Loni

Hello, Thank You so much for your lovely posts. They are sweet. It is beautiful here too. I been watching my pet squirrels on my deck fuss. They wait for me to feed them. And, they fuss over the birdfeeder too. Ha. I been feeling good. Today,I feel a touch of a downer. I have had to redo my schedule because of upcoming appointments, and since my surgery is put off until July. Today, my good thing is to relax. And, of course, posting here. It is such a joy for me to come here. Well, keep praying for me. I need all the prayers I can get. Have a great weekend too.

God Bless,
Kaloni

JaxsonHarley

Kaloni,
Then just relax today dear,and your good thing was to come here and say hello.I pray everyday for peace in your heart lady, stay strong, we are here for you!
Dawn, That is so great to meet a fellow rider here.We too baby our bikes, We think we had enough rain heretuesday to wash most of it off.We will give them a nice bath Sunday on our return to make sure. My hubby has an 04 Dyna Wide Glide, and I just sold my Sporty and bought an 06 Dyna Low Rider.I am so not going to let the Boob problem get in my way this year, won't have it! I think it would be great to meet up sometime.We would love to come down there again, it was so pretty. We'll have to keep in touch and maybe arrange that sometime! And yay, no poop for you! My good thing today is coming here, to keep in touch with some beautiful ladies!Take care girlies, will check back later, Love & Peace, Jackie

Ka-Loni

Hi Jackie, You are so thoughtful and sweet. Yes, I will just relax and enjoy today. Oh, believe me, I pray for peace in my heart too. I need it. I am so happy you help me with that peace. I should start riding too! Ha. I don't ride. But, the bikes are beautiful. And, I bet it is gorgeous in the mountains. And, so relaxing. I am sure it takes your mind off of the boobs. I am in Florida, and no mountains here. So, Today, I will work in my flower garden a little. It is about time to start replanting stuff and making it pretty for summer. That takes my mind off of the boobs. And, taking my walk today will be nice as well. Enjoy your riding this weekend. And, I will talk to you later.

God Bless,
Kaloni

beth1225

Hi Kaloni! Sorry I have not checked on you for a few days! I got out in the sunshine today and really breathed in the Spring air. Then I sneezed...too much air, LOL. Good to see you are getting more positive. Just know we are all thinking about you and wish all the best.

honeygirl

Hi Kaloni. I hope you had a good day and are having a peaceful evening. My girlfriend who came to stay and help me after my surgery lives in Florida. She is in Port St. Lucie. Is that close to you? I had a good day. My girlfriend picked me up and we went and had our nails done. And then had a late lunch. My stomach was sore when I got home. A little too much sitting time. But I had a great day. I know it is disapointing to have to re-schedule your surgery. But you will be surprised how fast 3 mos. will go by. Maybe its my age(49) but the older I get the faster time is flying by! The doc has already made my appt. for my 6 mo. mammogram. It is scheduled for Oct. and I know before long , I'll be saying " already! I'm just getting over the pains of my surgery!" You'll see , before long we will all be wishing you luck on your surgery and can't wait to hear from you!! So just hang in there. God Bless you and keep you always.

ripplesdf

Hi Kaloni. Hope you're having a great day today. It's beautiful here in the Catskills. It's going to be in the 70's!! WoooHooo!! Going outside to play in my dead weeds and dirt to hopefully get some flowers growing. My dh watched the news this am and said that it was going to be just as warm here as in Fl today. What part are you in. DH's mom lived in Pasco County in Holiday near NewPort Richey. We still rent her house to his aunt and uncle. Might be having to sell it b/c the insurance went from $500 to $3000 this year!!! Take care. Enjoy you weekend. Love and hugs and keepin' the faith...Dawn

Ka-Loni

Hi Sweety! Good Morning! It was nice yesterday, and looks beautiful out there today. I live in Lutz. Next door to Tampa. Port St. Lucie is on the East coast South of Vero Beach. It is beautiful there. Where are you? I am glad you had a nice day. That sounds fun. We ladies need pampering sometimes. On Wednesday after my appt, me and my mom went shopping and to lunch. I am 40 years young, and time does fly by. I had to make my new schedule and reorganize myself again. I have some new upcoming appointments. It never ends. Yes, my surgery will be here before I know it. My next mammo is in October too. And, I am glad your healing so well. It was like yesterday when you had the surgery. I hope you have a great day and get some rest. I will talk to you soon.

God Bless You,
Kaloni

Ka-Loni

Hello my ladies, I posted earlier, but I seem to want to post again. I love to post my thoughts here and there. Will it ever end. I just have not been myself today. I am fine one minute and next I am feeling down. I took my anti-depressants. I was in one of those deep thinking modes earlier and cryed some. Thinking so ahead of myself and my situation. I get anxious like. But, I know I can not do that. I have to take it day to day. I just feel my life and things are getting way to ahead of me. My hubby always makes me feel better. I am so fortunate to have a good man in my life that loves me for me. And, he is always there for me. Were having one of my favorites to eat tonight and that is Alaskan Snow Crab. He figured that would help cheer me up some. All I can do now is hold on to God. And, hold on to my faith and hope and don't stop.

God Bless,
Kaloni

honeygirl

Hi Kaloni. I hope your having a great weekend.I'm just taking it easy today. I think I over did yesterday and am sore and a little slow moving today. But it is our first beautiful (weather wise) weekend of the year. I live in northeast Ohio. Our motto here is "if you don't like the weather wait 1/2 hour and it will change"! But it is beautiful today. I wish my mom lived close by. I miss her so much. She lives in Tennessee. Its nice that you are close to your mom. Oh good , we can hold each others hand in October when we get our mammos! Well I hope you and all the ladies here are having a good weekend. I think by reading some of the posts here , that a few are bikin' this weekend! Hugs and Gods Blessings to all.

Ka-Loni

Hi Beth, Dawn & Honeygirl, Thank You so much for posting. I had a funny day yesterday. I was a little down all day. I think it is from all my having to wait so long on everything. It is so crazy. Today, I feel better. I am up and down all the time. I just want to be normal again. I will be. The one thing that keeps me going is God. He is my strength. I try to keep in my mind that all this will be fine in the long run. That I will be fine. That I will live life again. I need to take it one day at a time. Help me keep my faith, and hope, and to keep pluggin along.

God Bless All You Ladies Here,
Kaloni