I am getting there! Slowly. There is Hope!

Ka-Loni

I hope you all do not mind me putting these threads up. I just love posting my thoughts. You ladies are wonderful. And, you help so much. These past couple days I been feeling so much better. I am taking some good advice now to just take it day by day. And, to take it slow. Time will heal all my wounds. And, I hope to be more positive and stronger through this. I hope my message here will help someone else. And, To give them some inspiration and hope to keep plugging along. Don't give up. There is hope.

God Bless You Ladies,
Kaloni

Ka-Loni

Happy Easter Ladies, I figure on this thread I will post everyday to just let you know how I am pluggin along. This sure is a ride that is all I can say. Today, I am a little depressed and down on myself. I just wish that I could stay in a good mood. Unfortunately, I am on a low today. And, wish my life was different. I just need to keep my hope.

Ka-Loni

I am feeling a little better ladies. I need to hold on to that faith and hope......

kriscb

Kaloni, keep that positive attitude that you've always had on these boards! You've given me so much wonderful support and kind words these last few weeks. I look at this whole thing as an emotional rollercoaster ride that we can't get off. There are good days and bad days, that's for sure. I am having my right breast mastectomy tomorrow at 3:00 with immediate reconstruction....Did you have your recon? I haven't been posting or reading lately, as I've been on vacaction. I know I'm doing the right thing, but the unknown is so scary. Gather that strength, faith and hope that's in there, because it'll get you through Kaloni! Take care and we're all in it together, so remember that.

Kristin

JaxsonHarley

Hi Kaloni!
I posted in your other thread, but wanted to say I am so glad you are feeling better about everything.kriscb, good luck,I am sending wishes for a fast recovery.I am 3 weeks post bi-lateral mastectomy.I am feeling pretty good,going back to work part time.Also had lat-flap with expanders for reconstruction.Stay positve girls, make each day have something good in it.Thinking of all of you,I see an Onc Thursday,probably start chemo in 2 weeks,lets stick together!((hugs)) Jackie

Ka-Loni

Thank You Kristin and Thank you Jackie. Your posts are sweet. The reason why I put this thread up was to let everyone know that no matter what there is hope. And, me posting everyday will show that. It is early still, but I am feeling good. I am just going to keep going here. Talk to you soon.

God Bless You Ladies,
Kaloni

jetj

Of course there is hope. I'm glad you are getting there. I wish you the best.
Janette

JaxsonHarley

Hope springs Eternal they say! Wishing you a happy today,and sending many prayers & blessings for you to stay positive and find your good thing today & every day!(((hugs))) Jackie

kimvidito

Hi Kaloni
I am going for surgery tomorrow. Your post helped me feel positive. I just want this part done and over with. Bring it on!! I agree with you. Posting here makes me feel great. Thank god for modern technology.
Prayers to you all
Kim

Ka-Loni

Hello, Thank you Janette and Jackie,and kim. Your posts are nice. Well, today put it this way, I feel like giving up. My moods are so sparactic. One day is good, and the next bad. Today, I am going to need all the hope I can get.

God Bless You Ladies,
Kaloni

ducky1

Kaloni,
I felt that way this wkd. as the end just does not seem to be in sight..so I had my little pity party and moved on. Unlike you, I have an hb, 2 kids that give me support within my home so that makes a big difference. Don't be so hard on yourself. What I realized...again..is that I need to go slowly and just take it one MOMENT at a time (NOT days!!) because even though I may have an overall bad day, there is usually a bit of sunshine but ONLY if I let it in. It is snowing now, yup, SNOWING again but I look out and it is absolutely beautiful and I am going for a walk in it...cause I'm alive and have made it through yet another day and I know that walking makes me feel good.
Hugs to you!!
Cath

Anonymous

Hi Kaloni,

Hang in there! You will be just fine - I agree with Ducky about taking it moment by moment. My emotions are all over the place within any given day...sometimes fluctuating from minute to the next. My only advice (in addition to all the good stuff already doled out) is to find something that makes you feel good - a funny movie, a walk in the SNOW- if that's the weather in your area although I doubt it (I'm from Edmonton Ducky and can't quite believe my eyes this morning - but it is pretty isn't it?!!!), watch TV, garden, organize a closet, dance naked - whatever will help you out of your funk if only for a few minutes. Like Tom Hanks' character said in Castaway...'just keep breathing'.

Take care - hope you can find many smiles today!

JaxsonHarley

Kaloni,
I am here to remind you to find your good thing for today, that is coming to this thread and reaping the love & support that is here! If I have to come here everyday for you, I will. That will be your first good thing for every day, then keep looking for others! A friend recently sent me an email that contained this saying " Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance" Here is to your dance today, and many more! Smile, with ((hugs)) Jackie

Ka-Loni

Hi Jackie, I want to thank you so much for your great effort in getting me out of this funk. You are so sweet. I think that would be just lovely you visiting me each day. I would enjoy that. I am feeling better already. Thank You.

God Bless,
Kaloni

JaxsonHarley

Kaloni,
I truly mean it.I will be here everyday!! Whoa, I sense something good, I feel a smile here too! My smiles are feeding off of yours so keep it up!! Have a great day!
((hugs))
Jackie

Ka-Loni

Hi Cath, I want to thank you for your post. It was nice. The end does not seem to be in sight at times. I have my other half, and he is very supportive. Sometimes, I feel bad he puts up with me. Yes, I am learning also to take it one step at a time. And, one moment at a time. Thank You, Take care.

God Bless,
Kaloni

Ka-Loni

Well today is a day at the hospital. I am having more labwork done at 12:45 and to get my port flushed. How exciting. They want to make sure I am going to be good to go for reconstruction. So, this is my lucky day to get pricked. So think about me. I will update later on. I will hope for the best today.

God Bless,
Kaloni

beth1225

Kaloni, I have been lurking but wanted to post my encouragement. When you post, you never know who will rad it and gain strength. Like Jackie said, we are here to give each otehr strenght, support and unconditional love. I will check in on you and make sure Jackie's smiles are rubbing off.

I have a penchant for making a joke of things and it is sometimes inappropriate. But...I could not resist from your post above. Just let me say that it had something to do with being pricked...Just think George Carlin, hmmm. I won't do it again if I offended anyone. But, did anyone smile?

Let us know how you are doing, Kaloni. Sending cyber hugs your way, {{{Kaloni}}}

ripplesdf

Yes Beth---;))) Lots of hugs and prayers for you Kaloni and for everyone dealing with this miserable monster. Keepin' the faith...Dawn

JaxsonHarley

Beth, Too funny!!! There, that is our smile for today!! Kaloni sweetie, thinking of you, and hoping you come here later to share the smiles with us.Hope everything went good for you
Are you in the process of starting reconstruction? I am 3 weeks post bi-lateral mastectomy, with immediate reconstruction. This is my second time around with this, Had DCIS 4 yrs ago, treated that with a lump.& rads(left side)Biopsy this year showed LCIS in same breast,so I decided to have mastectomy and get rid of everything to prevent another dx.Little did we know that there was more cancer in there, never showed on the MRI.Found out after mastectomy.Because I da previous radiation, we had to do a lat flap on left side, with expanders to both.Chemo is next for 3-4 months they said. I had ILC, I say had, because the mastectomy removed it.No nodes involved.I have an infection on left side, Dr. said today looked better.Will check it again next week. Can't start chemo till its cleared up, and can't inflate the little buggers either, so I have had alot of ups & downs lately.If it's cleared by next week, we can start the fills. If not, we might have to back to the OR and clean it up. So I wanted to fill you in a little on me.I am keeping this chin up, and I want you to do the same. I ride a Harley (hence the name!) and I am not going to let this get in the way of my riding this year!!No way!! I have too many plans. I have a daughter getting married this August ( she had childhood cancer at 3 yrs old!)So check back with us later, smile, and find your good thing for today,even if its just coming here!! (((hugs))) & Love,
Jackie

Ka-Loni

Hi, Thanks so much for the posts. They are great! I got that smile on. Well I got back from getting pricked and poked. Ha. Isn't that funny? Other than that it went good. Yes, hopefully April 23 will be the day for my reconstruction. They are working on that busy schedule of theirs. I am going to have a "Free Tram Flap" surgery. It sounds like their going to flop me all over the place. At least I won't know it. Boy, Jackie you have been through the works. Well, My good thing today was spending time with my mom and coming here to say Hi to everyone. I will keep my chin up. Thanks.

God Bless you ladies,
Kaloni

beth1225

Hi sweetie! Good to see a positive post. BTW, I have seen your posts of encouragement on another thread so make sure you keep taking your own advice as well as ours.

I have no jokes to tell today but I have to keep upbeat because it is so miserable today with the rain and cold. But I understand the weekend is going to be better so hurry on Friday!! We have a busy couple days with friends and a little fun. Sometimes you need to cut loose.

See you tomorrow!

Ka-Loni

Hello there, I want to thank you Dawn, Jackie and Beth. Your posts are so chipper and positive. It sure helps. It look like rain outside, so it is indoors for me. Believe me, I have plenty to do. It is just like having a fulltime job. Ha. I want to tell you my second Mammogram came back clean and good. I am so happy. I was a little concerned at first because I have some itching sometimes. Well, for now I will keep that smile on and keep my chin up for you ladies. And, I will talk to you soon.

God Bless You,
Kaloni

Ka-Loni

Well, I tryed to keep that smile, but, I just do not know anymore. Some days are good for me, and some days are just bad. I take my anti-depressants, but I still get in a downer. I am sorry. It gets so bad that I cry, and really do not know why I am crying. I think about everything. My life and what is ahead. I am crying right now..I am scared of facing what is ahead. What is wrong with me! I want to hold on to my hope, but I am letting go. I am so sorry ladies.

God Bless,
Kaloni

shorfi

I take my anti-depressants too...and get sad days where I just want to get into the fetal position and cry. I have learned that it is normal. Believe me, you will start to feel "normal" and not cry as much. I thought I was cried out, but the tears still come, but not as much.

Take care dear and you will get there and remember...there is nothing wrong with you!

Ka-Loni

I really do not understand anymore. I took some xanax earlier to help me, but it is not helping. All I want to do is cry. I do not want this feeling anymore. I just want to be normal and be happy. I am just going to hope this turns around for the best for me. I will talk to you later.

God Bless,
Kaloni

karens1955

Hi, Kaloni,
I just wanted to give you a big {{{{HUG}}} and let you know that I am sending good vibes your way....I hope you can feel them! I remember having some very down days earlier in my BC journey,especially after my bilateral mastectomies. I'm doing a lot better now, but sometimes I still feel a little down. It's wonderful people like you and others on these message boards that help keep me going. We're all here for each other. I hope you're feeling better soon.
Karen

ripplesdf

Kaloni, I don't know what to say. I feel guilty b/c I haven't even been to my surgeon yet for consultation. Not until next Friday. This waiting is driving me crazy. I usually watch kids (4 of them) for 2 teachers. We are on Spring break this week so I have a lot of time on my hands and PLENTY to do, but I just can't seem to move forward. I am scared of what's ahead. I just keep telling myself it is what it is and all the worrying will not change it. I just don't like the not knowing what's ahead.

All I can think of to say to you is when you get that down, try to think of all who love and care about you (including us guys here)surrounding you and giving you one HUGE (((((((hug))))))). We will get thru this. Please try to keep your chin up. Take a walk and just BREATHE. It helps me alot when I'm down. Positive thoughts and lots of love and prayers to you!!!! Keepin' the faith...Dawn

JaxsonHarley

Hi Kaloni,
You are entitled to have a cry.We all need to now & then.Let it all out, then come here for your ((((hugs)))).I remember 3 wks ago, I had just gotten the call from the surgeon about the cancer they found again. I was trying to be upbeat the next day, it went good for the one day, then the day after that, I just cried & cried.Couldn't stop. Then the day after the crying, I got mad,I am not going to let this steal precious time from me, and make me feel crappy. I can't let this get the better of me, I just won't.So a few tears to vent now & then, then back to planning my summer around chemo. I plan on riding my Harley as much as possible.I won't let cancer take that from me.You had a good mammo report, there was your good thing today.I think the crappy weather doesn't help with keeping spirits up either.It has been damp & rainy around here alot(upstate NY)
What about going for a manicure or pedicure somewhere, some "me" time sometimes helps.Or going to a movie, or just renting a funny one,laughs are good for the soul:) Kaloni, cheer up, we are here, sending you Love and comfort and big (((hugs))),will be back tomorrow Jackie

shorfi

I really do understand the crying because you are probably feeling hopeless. I felt that way for about 3 months until my nurse oncologist TOLD me to get help from my primary doctor and he prescribed Lexapro. In about 4 days I started to feel better and it seems like the crying stopped. I tried to wean myself off it about 4 months ago, and instantly saw the need to start it again. Now I feel better. Maybe a change in medication???? Talk to your doc and let he/she know how you are still feeling. They are the experts and will be able to help you.

Feel better...and feel free to PM if you like.

Ka-Loni

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies. Your posts are so helpful. I will try to respond to them soon. This is so funny! Today, I feel better. Well, so far. Ha. I think all you are contagious. This is a good thing. And, I would say this is my good thing today. Thank You.

You know I will update soon!

God Bless You Ladies,
Kaloni