I can't get my act together and I don't know why

sueper13

HannaB,

You shall have a genie bottle of your very own.  I remember that too, I always wanted to live in there with her.  I always told her what to do to fix the problem, too, I was watching the show and shouting "turn him back in Major Healey, quick!"Remember her sister whose genie bottle was green instead of pink? And the sister was evil and a little bit out of control?

That's me.

Have a great 4th of July!

Love,

Sue

iodine

Ya know the difference in God and a doctor?-

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-

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God doesn't think He's a doctor!!!

If God is a 10, then surgeons think they are 11's!!!!

Yuck, Yuck!!

Hanna60978

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sueper13

HannaB

You can even get the pillows dirty with pizza and wings debris.  You, after all, have the power to then make them magically clean!!!!

Hope everyone has a great night's sleep.

Love,

Sue 

jewels2

I have been browsing different chat rooms for the past three years but would never interact. This is my first time, so please bear with me as I unload. I don't understand why I can't get my act together.  It has been three years since my last chemo treatment granted I have been through 3 additional surgeries, but the last one was last June.  I am always tired.  Always.  Before cancer I was very people oriented, had many, many friends.  Now I can hardly make it through the day; talking takes such effort.  I work full time and I am glad because it makes me get up and get going.  I do laugh a lot more now than I did before, which is a good thing.  I dream of all the things I want to do but I just can't muster the energy to do much of anything.  I do enjoy spending time with my grandson who is 22 months old.  I thank God everyday that I am here to see my little man.  I also have another grandchild on the way and I think how am I going to find the energy for another one.  I am on Arimidex and still have two years to go.  I keep waiting for life to go back to how it use to be, but I know it never will.  I am not depressed just finally unloading to people I know will understand where I am.  If you have any ideas, please share.  Also, I still see my oncologist every three months--is that normal?  Thanks for listening.

Bren-2007

Hi Jewels,

I'm glad you wrote a note.  I joined last spring and didn't post until summer sometime.

This Monday will mark my one year anniversary of completing radiation.  I didn't have chemo.  I had a lumpectomy and radiation and I am still tired.  I tried Tomaxifen and Arimidex and couldn't stick with it ... so kudos to you for hanging in there these past 3 years with it.

I haven't seen my grands on the west coast in 9 months ... I just don't have the energy to travel there.  My new grandbaby is 9 months now and I saw him last when he was 2 weeks-old. 

I'm not depressed either .. just tired.  I'm supposed to see a doctor every three months, either the rad doc, surgeon or med onc, but since none of them can agree on what to do with me, I've given up on all three of them and will see my PCP from now on.  At least she seems to care. I'm overdue for my 6 month mammo, so hopefully my PCP can get this rolling. 

You aren't alone ... I dream about getting my energy back and doing all the things I love too.

Bren

Isabella4

Jewels and Bren. This tiredness just doesn't seem to lift, at least not for me yet.

I'm 5 years out, four and a half on Arimidex, with plans to keep on taking it for another two years at least. At first I blamed the op. and the rads, but now I'm sure Arimidex does it.

Just no get up and go, everything gets left and left, and sometimes never gets done at all. If I were a teenager I'd kick my backside for being lazy !!!

Isabella.

iodine

So glad you posted!  You have the same symdrome we all get, Honest.

I was an avid gardener but couldn't even plant a six pack with out great pain and getting worn out.

I was a queen of shopping, couldn't care less---way too tired to even want to Christmas shop.

Once I got off tamox, it took about a year to care again.  I don't care as MUCH, but I do care and have more energy to do the things that gave me pleasure.

SO--it does come with time.  Most of us are choosy with how we spend the energy we DO have.  Priorities really do change.  and dust bunnies are at the bottom of the list!

gsg

I'm so glad you posted, jewels, and hope you continue to come back.  You are exactly where the rest of us are.

I must confess that today I shredded one of the piles from my dining room table and quickly used a swiffer to mop my kitchen floor..a real half-assed job...ignored the build-up in the corners.  Neither of those things made a dent, except the kitchen floor no longer rips the socks off your feet when you walk across it.

I also hung my sheets out on the line to dry today the way I used to when I was normal.  I can't wait to crawl into them in a few minutes and just keep on smelling.  Their freshness should keep me distracted from how filthy the rest of my room is for the next 2 days...3 max.

iodine

I have always believed that the floor tells you it's time to be mopped by tearing the socks or slippers off one's feet. 

NOTHING like that sundried smell!

sam408

Welcome Jewels, you've definitely come to the right place for understanding of what you're going through. I'm still recovering from surgery in April and have days where I just want to stay in bed. Sometimes it's hard to be with friends because even though they're caring, they just don't understand. But I still think it's important to fill our lives with family and good friends. Then come here to let off steam to people who understand! Hang in there and come here often.

I've been off the boards for about a week now because I just got in a funk after my last PS visit. The wound is still not healing and she didn't even give me her "it's going to take at least another month" speech this time. She just said it's very slow healing and she thinks it's because of the radiated skin. She still feels it will heal, she's just not giving any time estimates anymore. It's a bummer, but I'll get through it.

GSG/Idoine -- So that's what's wrong with my floor. . .man I hate mopping. . .LOL!  I'm sure a clean floor would make me feel better, HA!

wishiwere

Welcome Jewls. 

I have to admit, that I was going to clean when I got home this weekend, as it was SO nice to go to mom's this last 3 days and live in a clean house!  Wow!  Didn't realize just how messy this one is!   I should repeat....I WAS GOING TO CLEAN!

Then I took a nap after getting home, and woke up so stiff I hurt all over!   I took a 3 pt gainer playing badmitten at dbro's house.  IT's in the back yard.  All grass and Danged if I didn't trip over the grass lines and land on the GOOD shoulder and bent my fingers   I hurt today!  IT was rather comical b/c we all used to really called the 'Grace' names and so on to one another, but now with 2 having had rotary cuff surgery this last 2 years and the me with the bad shoulder from surgery overextension that in fact be a rotary cuff problem, everyone was holding their collective breaths, including me to see if everything was going to move correctly after the fall!  Oh my! I don't think I've landed so hard in my life in sports and I played a lot of sports for years! Today...I feel it!  UGH!

Harley girl!  I'm sorry you have to wait till morning to call their office, but call first thing and don't get off the phone till you get an answer!  Mean to mention also, I still have no heard from the gyn after making the 'reminder' call to him last week!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Off to bed after a few motrin...{{hugs}} and prayers for you each!

Harley44

wish,

I can truly believe that you haven't heard from your dr. yet.  I think that we have to call them EVERY DAY, non stop, until they get tired of this drill, and finally talk to you.  I believe that we as patients have the right to get a call back within a REASONABLE amount of time, not two weeks later, or a month later... and if they are supposed to get back to you on something, for crying out loud, don't wait til the patient calls numerous times to 'remind' you, just DO IT!  Can you tell I'm MAD?

I got my dh to go with me today to my drs office, for my test results.  Surprise... I have to have an endometrial biopsy!  My primary care dr. can do it? in his office?  OUCH!  I am really scared now.  But, the good news is that I will be getting out of jury duty.  I have to write a note, and get my dr. to also write a note with explanation.  Gee, I wish I knew a gyn who was in network for my insurance.  The gyn I saw last year, before my bc dx, was out of network, and I don't want to have to go through that drill to see her.  Also, not sure if I can get in sooner to see her, but maybe I'll give them a call just to see.  My biopsy is scheduled for July 22nd.  I will be waiting two weeks just for the biopsy!  Who knows how long he'll take to get me my results??

I'm so upset, maybe I should just start cleaning.

Harley

wishiwere

[{Harley}} I'm so sorry you have to get a bx done sweetie! Darn it!  What did they say about the US?  Why are they wanting to do the US?  IS it just be/c of the meds and your hx, or was there something amiss on the US hon?

 And, yes, You can believe he HAS NOT called again!  I'm so tired of it all already, that I'm just going to call tomorro and have them send me a copy of the report and the TVUS and I'll just read the thing myself and make a dicision.  I'm almost positive I can my GP to presribe something, as he' not up on the ER + thing, so it shouldn't be too hard!  

Glad you got out of the jury duty, but sorry you are having to do it by getting that bx done! I bet the 22nd sounds like a long way off! We'll be here waiting with you dearest!

Harley44

Wish,

Thanks!  Since I have those uterine fibroids, I have a tv us every year, to check on them.  They found that my endometrial stripe is getting "thicker", thus the biopsy.  Also, the bleeding after sex...

I wonder if I can just decide to have a hysterectomy, since I don't want to have to EVER go through this again!  If Tamoxifen causes uterine & endometrial cancer, why am I taking it? 

Oh well... at least I will see my onc P.A. on Friday, July 11th, so I will try to remember to ask her ALL my questions.  Maybe I can get an appt. with a gyn SOONER, and get a hyst scheduled so I won't have to wait so long.  I have pretty much decided that it MUST be cancer...

sueper13

Harley,

So sorry you are having to go through this. I've been kind of off the boards the last few days--reading but not posting, just generally feeling crappy and it's supposed to be my "good" week. Hope it turns out okay.  I know the waiting sucks, but we'll wait with you.

Wish, sorry about your fall.  Hope you'r back out there weeding soon.  Call if you need women with shovels.

Patrice LOL.  My floor still rips the socks off.  Maybe tomorrow.  Gee, I've been saying that for a while.  NO energy.

Love you guys,

Sue 

Harley44

Sue,

I hope you are feeling better soon.  Chemo sucks, but if it helps prevent a recurrence, then I guess we put up with the se's.  Will you be finished your tx soon, I hope?

Thanks...  I haven't been posting much lately, and now this new twist... I am just terrified, and I've had some bleeding issues for the past 3 or 4 years, but I have been getting these tv us done annually, and no one ever showed any concern before.  I wonder if the other tests were accurate?  They only showed these fibroid tumors, and I was told that they were harmless.

Hope you're feeling better soon!!

Harley

wishiwere

You know ladies....those little swiffer jets are great for that 'rip off your sock' flooring!  They certainly don't get the corners and edges well, but for the main runways, hey...works for me!

Harley!  Dang it, that's not good, the endo stripe being larger I mean.  BUT....are you post-meno or not?  If you aren't/weren't, is it possible your ovaries are starting up again and thats the increase in size of it?  I know post, it shrinks up (like the rest of our bodies , so hoping it's nothing serious. 

And yes, I think in your case, I'd be saying to get it out and move on.  Just remember if you get those ovaries out also, you'll go into major meno most likely.  Shoot, shoot shoot!  I was hoping it wasn't another 'wait and see thingy' HATE DOCS!

Sue, sorry you are having a down week   Yes, I'm back out weeding, just a little less vigorously.  I did do 4.5 miles on the bike today it was so nice out.  Cooler than it's been, so I pushed it a little, but it felt good, except for that shoulder a little.  It's fine, just bruised, as my little fingers are ;(

sueper13

Harley, wish, thanks so much.  It helps so much just to write it out, and then to have support from you guys is just an amazingly good thing. I found out today that I am BRCA negative.  That was good news. I called my sister and told her.

I guess I'll go back to work tomorrow, and work the rest of the week.  Then I am taking a trip to Tennessee for a family reunion--I'll go over on Saturday and come back on Tuesday--and in between, burn up the roads seeing family.  It's so beautiful over there compared to Texas.  I think I am going alone, as my dh will have to work, but my 19 y/o son may go with me. We'll see.  He's doing so well, we had to send him to drug rehab a year ago in April, and now he is a very mature young man.  His girlfriend is in Pittsburgh now, so he's been spending a lot of time at home and we have been having really good talks. What a blessing.

Hope everyone has a wonderful evening.

Love,

Sue 

Harley44

Wish,

So sorry that you fell!!  Glad that you are feeling better, though.  Please don't over do it while you are recovering from that nasty fall!

Sue,

Glad to hear that you are BRCA negative!  YIPPEE!  Hope you enjoy your family reunion!  It is always nice getting together with friends and family.  I'm glad that your son is doing better.  I know you must feel very proud of him, and are so grateful that he is back! 

Hugs

Harley 

wishiwere

Harley, I'm really fine, just bruised and feeling a little foolish at tripping.  I'm thinking I'm not as steady on my feet as I used to be and just don't want to admit at 50, I can't move like I used, diving for a birdie is pretty dumb at 50~

Sue, glad to hear you ds is doing so well after the rehab! Prayers he continues to draw strength from you and his girlfriend throughout his continued abstinence. 

Enjoy your trip, and hope he can make it with you!

otter

Okay, Sue, so let me get this straight:

You are leaving Texas on Saturday and heading for Tennessee, where you will be until Tuesday when you'll head back home.

Day after tomorrow, I am leaving Alabama (which is very near Tennessee, if you look at a map) and heading for Oklahoma (which is just north of Texas).  I will be there until next Tuesday, when I will head back to Alabama.  My dh and I are driving, but we are old and decrepit so it takes us 2 days to make the trip.

Should I wave as we pass by each other?

otter 

sueper13

Otter,

I will wave down at you as I will be traveling by air....yes, I am actually going to do the whole "American traveler as criminal" dance.....but I fly (standby) for free so the price is right! And they have a non-stop from DFW to Chattanooga now, so I'll be home in two hours.

What's in Oklahoma for you?

I almost  wish I was driving as I would love to meet you half-way for coffee...

Love,

Sue 

Hanna60978

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Harley44

Everybody who will be travelling, I hope you have a safe trip, and enjoy your time away from the world of bc!

Hanna,

I would be SO scared, to have an emergency gall bladder removal, but what other kind is there?  lol   I'm with you... I want all these unnecessary body parts removed NOW, before they cause me any more trouble!  Unfortunately, the drs. always tell me that they are not causing my se's, like the bleeding...  I don't believe it, and even though the fibroids are benign, I don't care... they don't belong there, so take 'em out! 

I called the gyn dr. I saw last year for my pelvic exam and my mammo and us which showed the bc.  She is WAY booked, til September, so she may not be able to see me.  The nurse was nice and said that she would show the new tv us report to her to see if SHE thinks there is reason for me to be concerned, and she may try to fit me in somehow, for my biopsy. 

Somehow, I know this sounds weird, but I would rather do jury duty than have a biopsy on July 22nd, so I haven't sent the letter to excuse me from jury duty to my primary care dr. yt. 

With nothing to do but worry today, I just may clean the bathroom...

Harley 

otter

Sue, how could I have forgotten to congratulate you on the negative BRCA test results?  That's very good news.  What's in Oklahoma for me?  In-laws.  They are good people, and I seriously enjoy visiting them.  [I wrote something else in this space comparing visits with my in-laws to visits with other people to whom I'm more directly related, but I deleted it.  I've decided to try to be nice for awhile.]

Harley, what a choice:  a uterine (?) biopsy versus jury duty.  I would choose the jury duty, no doubt about it.  But of course if you do have to find out what's going on in there, I guess a biopsy is the only way.

Hanna, I really like your approach to the energy crisis:  "Since rads, I've never been the same energy-wise.  Now, I'm on energy conservation mode.  When some energy arrives I use it, and when it goes, I just do less."  Sort of like "sleep mode" on my laptop.  When you find yourself on reserve power, does something start beeping?

I didn't get rads, but my butt is still dragging 5 wks out from my last Taxotere/Cytoxan tx.  I can't believe how easily I tire!  That's my excuse for not cleaning lately.  I have a list of excuses, and that one is at the top right now because it's playing well.  My dh asked me the other day, how long I will be using the "cancer card."  I said as long as I can get away with it.  He's sweet about it, though.  Whenever I get frustrated because I can't do something, he says, "That's OK--you've been 'chemo-ed'."

Oh, and we do not have a Winnebago.  I think you calculate mileage in those as "gallons per mile", not mpg.  We do have a small travel trailer that we took out west last summer and fall, but we haven't had a chance to take it anywhere this year.  For the trip we're taking this week, we're just driving the most fuel-efficient vehicle we own that will still carry 4 people and a cargo hold full of luggage (a Subaru).

otter 

wishiwere

Ditto on the congrats for the NEG report Sue!  Can I use the chemo card (I am only 5 months out today   Seriously, though. I am still finding I can't follow up things or I completely lose track of what I'm doing.  Not sure it's delayed chemo-brain, or that danged arimidex, but seems I can only 1 or 2 things before my memory fails.

Case in point.  Yesterday we were sitting on the patio waiting on a call from dd to meet up with she and her beau.  Dh hands me 2 sheets from work he wants photocopied (he can't figure out my printer?...wth?)  Anyway... I stated I'm going to the bathroom and grab the copies, figuring I'll kill 2 birds with one stone, right?  Head into the bathroom, drop the papers by the printer on way through, get in the hall to the bath and dd messages me.  I read it, go potty, come out, grab a glass of ice water and head to the patio.  I tell dh we are meeting them in 1/2 hour and I'm going in to shower quick as I'd been out in the gardens watering.

We get in the car on the way over and he asks about the papers?  Uhm...yes, I'll do them, IF he reminds me when we get home?  HE's a little ticked (not tickled mind you) b/c I still CRS!   It's hard to explain to him, b/c I get things done, it just takes a week to do chores instead of a day, b/c I can't remember what I was going to do, or what even needs to be done, even if I'm standing in front of it!?

Hanna, did you have that Gall bladder recently removed by lap?  I had mine taken in aug 2005, and had them remove the ovary that had a 7cm cyst and do a d&c at the same time for bleeding and such.  My belly/side looks like some kid took a razor car to it.  The scars actually look very light now, but I think other than than the 3 inch incision for that cyst, the other4-5 are all about an inch long.  They shared incisions for the two surgeries which was why I wanted them done together, to prevent more if they'd done them separately!   Much easier than the old surgeries I'm told!

I didn't have rads as you ladies, and can't blame fatique on that, but I know there are still days that I fight to not want to crawl back into bed when dh leaves at 4am for work.  It's frustrating, b/c without rads, you think you should be in the clear, but I guess the anti-hormones can affect that also? It's a wonder they lock all us BC survivors in sleep Ins and let us just recoup like the old infirmarys or insane asylums.  Wouldn't we have with our own ward!   Imagine the trouble, and chaos we could cause if our good days all fell on the same day!   Dreaming is fun!

sueper13

Sanitariums!! That's what we need!!! Large, lovely old houses with wooden porches all the way around, and those old wooden chaises like they had on ships in the 1920s--and lap rugs, and ceiling fans.  And motherly nurses bringing around high-protein high-fat meals to build up our strength!! I can see it!  And on our good days, that of course all fell together, we would all sneak into wish's room after lights out and put a towel under the door so light wouldn't show through and tell ghost stories or lies about boys we had been with....and then sleep all the next day our on the breezy porches.  But we could get away with sleeping all day because we're ill.

What do you think? 

wishiwere

See there!  You've had the same dreams I've had!   I think it sounds so southernly and delightful! I'll win the lottery (IF I ever play it) and buy a big ol' plantation with the bestest of nurses and docs to take the bestest of care of us! And some nice, firm young, male attendants to do answer our every whim....uh.....need....uhm....drink order?

wishiwere

2 days and NO posts!  What happened to you all?   I'm sad.....it's just been one of those that I shouldn't have even tried to get out of bed   Hope everyone is doing okay!