STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Toscaxoxo

Hi, Yndorian1. I had a similar experience-- more cancerous nodes after chemo than before chemo. Twice as many! I could feel the nodes getting bigger. When I completed chemo, my oncologist said that ER+ tumors do not usually respond well to chemo. I had the same reaction as you did--Why bother to do chemo if it doesn't work!?

Nevertheless, I am still here and doing absolutely fine at almost 4 years after surgery, even though (for complicated reasons) I am not doing the recommended hormone therapy that is supposedly the most important thing to avoid a recurrence.

I am sending you wishes for comfort and strength, and a wonderful life ahead for you and your family.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Toscaxoxo: Thank you very much for posting that! As you can imagine, my mind went anywhere ...

Good health and all the best for you too. Hugs!

Beesie

Yndorian1,

Well crap to that. You have every reason to vent/complain today.

Consider though that those nodes were just doing their job - rounding up and holding onto all the cancer cells that entered your lymphatic system, stopping them from travelling any further. Now those nodes are out and gone, along with all the cancer that they trapped.

Wishing you every success with the rest of your treatment plan!

hapa

Yndorian - I hear you. I had three cancerous nodes still after chemo, and my tumor went from 2.8 to 2.1cm. Seemed like a waste of hair. Best of luck with rads.

finallyoverit

Sportymom~. There is a lot of wisdom on this thread already, so I’ll just add something someone told me after my 1st diagnosis; you just have to get to the other side- it doesn’t have to be pretty.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve repeated that to myself. It gave me permission to let myself be not okay at times, but then I picked myself up, dusted myself off and continued to put one foot in front of the other.

You will get through this.. one day, one hour at a time.. and you know what, you’ll be back offering words of wisdom to someone else before you know it. That’s the magic of this site.. we have all been exactly where you are and know exactly how you are feeling. Bookmark this page.. these ladies (and gentlemen) will be a very valuable lifeline. As much as friends or spouses want to understand, unless you’ve heard those “you have cancer” words, they just don’t get it. We do

bcincolorado

Sorry to hear the bad news and hopefully they can treat you more to get that kicked.

Artista964

ER+ does respond to chemo. It's the grade. Grade 3 responds the best to chemo...

mara51506

I'm sorry about those pathology results Yndorian1. Healing thoughts coming your way.

runor

Yndorian, sometimes there is just nothing to say. I wish I was with you. I'd just sit there and drink coffee and say nothing. I am so sorry about this shitty news. Yo tengo no palabras. (I do not speak Spanish!)

Beaverntx

Yndorian, 😯 😕

Joining runor in the cup of coffee, may any further treatment be very successful!

edj3

Yndorian1, I might put something IN your coffee. Like whiskey and whipped cream. But only if you like that sort of thing.

Sportymom

finallyoverit,

Many thanks for your words of support. This diagnosis and waiting makes everything very hard. I come to this site almost everyday and while I don’t post my complaints or accomplishmentseveryday the sense of love and community gives me strength.

Thanks to you and all who have provided your guidance, advice, wisdom, and love. It truly makes a remarkable difference.

One day at a time. I will update my diagnosis fully when I get my scans back.

Hugs to all of my sisters and brothers here.

Wendy

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you all for your comforting words. 💟

ctmbsikia

Taking a moment to rant that today is one of those days I don't want to get myself up and brush myself off. The SEs of this AI are having cumulative effects on my body. Slowly, gradually, not feeling myself. I was away in early July and it was wonderful. I did take my meds with me. So is this all in my head? Can't get back into a good groove. If I don't move I hurt, when I hurt I want to smoke. So what if I don't feel like moving 24 hrs. a day, 365 days a year?!! Never mind the constant brushing strands of hair off my arms/clothes, cleaning drains and brushes, the random running nose, and god forbid don't ever over eat and tax your GI system down any further now that's is so much slower than before. And the Water!! I'm so sick of water I wanna spit! I'd rather drink myself into a wine coma!

Thank you/rant over.

Y-sorry about your recent news. Hope you get a good treatment plan.

I should probably take a little break from the site and come back being more supportive, understanding, and maybe even helpful to any of you instead of being a putz.

Peace all.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ctmnsikia: thank you! And you are using the thread for what it was created. I don't think you have to apologize at all 😘

Betrayal

Ctmnsikia:

I am so tired of the SE of AI's and how incapacitating they can be at times. I move everyday and I have a plan for each day to keep myself active but I have started to rank which joint(s) have/ has dominance today. It differs from day to day but my knees lately have been the winner by a mile; followed by hands, feet, hips and back on a rotational basis. As far as water goes, I second your rant and to me a wine coma sounds inviting. Wine to top off a whine works for me. You are not a putz by any means, just honest.

Meow13

I am reading about others struggling with AI drugs and I can relate. I never saw data that convinced me it was effectively fighting my cancer from recurring. I did 4 years and I can honestly say I am not sure I would do it again. You make a choice I am glad I quit because it affected my health to an extent it was not worth the supposed benefit.

Artista964

letrozole was the major suck for me. Canned it after 5 weeks. Arimidex is same process so no point trying it. The other one uses a different process but it's way too expensive. Tamoxifen it is. At least no big ses on it.

pingpong1953

Random runny nose? Is that a known side effect? I hadn't heard that, but it would explain something that's been happening to me for over a year.

mara51506

I have a perpetual runny nose due to my herceptin/perjeta drugs. Of course because I was taken off them to rebuild my stamina and strength, it does not drip at all. Must say, I am not looking forward to taking those drugs again.

The only time I feel well anymore is walking briskly. Walking around the neighbourhood has nice scenery, but not enough energy boost for the buck. Treadmill walking allows me to go faster in a safe way and keep going. Hoping this will hold true with the drugs. I did not have the treadmill before so we will see. I may even ask about dropping the Perjeta and just doing the one drug? Will check with MO. Don't want to rely on others to look after me. Need strength to take care of myself.

JCSLibrarian

Started back on chemo this morning after a month's break. I had just noticed the hair on my head and my eyebrows growing back. Might explain the crappy mood I have been in the past few days. My actual rant has to do with my husband. We have been married for 44 years. Mostly happy! We each do things that drive the other crazy, but it works out. My DH knows NOTHING about computers. I worked for 30 years in a public library. I had to teach myself how to use computers, both software and hardware. I taught classes to the public so they would be able to use their home computers or the library computers. It was not hard. Mainly tedious, but necessary. A few years ago, my DH started an Internet business. With much help from a business partner, he kept it running for a few years. It has since closed, but he still has a website in his name. I noticed a charge on his AMEX for $310.00 from a web hosting company. He said he would find out. First he called his business partner for info. Then he called the company. Then he called me out of the shower to talk with the customer service rep. He said he could not figure out what she wanted him to do. Basically it had to do with him not knowing his password and she could not access his account without that. The email for the account was still in the business partner's name so he had to get involved to retrieve the password. I was polite to the CSR, but went off on my DH. The word enabler comes to mind for myself, but WHY can he not learn how important passwords and email is in the modern world. I worry he will be totally lost if I (or someone like me) is not around to help him navigate technology. I have tried to teach him, but the bottom line is he does not have to learn. I do not understand someone refusing to keep up with change and being in control of their life.

Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks!

wrenn

I have a friend who quit a good career years ago when the company started using computers. Since then she lets her husband do all of the computer stuff and she insists we communicate via snail mail. (We live 3000 miles apart) I told her if she wants to hear from me she has to get an email address. I always assume her husband reads my emails to her. :-)

Although I have used computers for many years there were things I left up to my daughter until she went away to school. So basically I learned when I had to. I think that is pretty common but it does piss me off when people won't learn. :-)

LoriCA

JCS I can really relate to your aggravation. My husband is a luddite who was dragged kicking and screaming every step of the way into the 21st century, while I am tech geek who fell in love with computers even before the first desk top. I still remember how mad my husband was when his company gave him a phone and took his beeper away haha (although these days he's texting on his phone all day long)! And when he was finally forced to use a computer at work, we had to hire a tutor because I was tearing my hair out trying to teach him the most basic things. What finally got him learning was an iPad, for some reason it wasn't as intimidating as a desktop or laptop computer, and because he liked it and would use it, he slowly increased his knowledge and became a little more comfortable with technology, although still not where he needs to be. At least now he can google something and find a youtube instruction video all on his own hahaha! But I still handle almost everything.

When I got my Stage IV Dx, I realized that he wouldn't even know how to pay the bills after I was gone. He wouldn't even SEE the bills to know what had to be paid because most are e-bills. There are so many things I handle that he wouldn't even have a clue to know where to begin. One of the first things I did after my Dx was start a binder for him with not only account User IDs and passwords, but basic instructions on how to use each site (lots of work). Slowly so I don't overload him, I'm trying to walk him through how to do all of the tech things I've always done so he's at least a little familiar with them. And some of it is so simple - how to switch over from live TV to streaming content, how to use the app to control the security cameras...he just got so used to how easy it was to just let me handle everything that he never bothered to learn.

I hate reminding him that he NEEDS to learn how to do these things now because I'm not going to be here, but it's the truth. I knew it was finally sinking in when he suggested that we buy another laptop that could be set up for him to easily find the things he'll need. He still hasn't used it because he prefers to do things on his iPad, but at least it will be ready for him when he needs it. I do worry that he's going to be so lost, but then he gives me those puppy dog eyes and tells me that he always thought I would be here forever. <sigh>

AliceBastable

Ooh, I've got one of those Luddites, too! I'm not the most computer-savvy myself, but I try to learn what I need, and I'm not afraid to poke around and try to find answers. I was cranky because Hubby hooked up a new printer and it wouldn't work, and let it sit like that for weeks. I had to email him my medical paperwork at work to print out! Grrrrr. So one day when he was checking sports scores on-line (his big internet venture), I leaned over him, wiped his slack-jaw drool off the mouse, and clicked on the "help" button on the printer icon. I may have screamed READ IT right in his ear. 😗 It turned out to be such an easy problem to fix that he was embarrassed. I was too stubborn to fix it for him at that point.

Do not piss off a woman on Tamoxifen.

JCSLibrarian

I love the idea of a binder. It appeals to my love of organization. I already keep a list of passwords so this would work, too. He does have an IPad and uses it to look at Facebook and Google a few things. He does not know how to put pictures on Facebook or do anything more than ‘share’ content. He cannot use medical portals or order things through Amazon. He has never attempted online banking! The other day, he was printing something that turned out to be lots of pages. I was able to stop the print job and showed him again how to copy and paste so he could just print what he wants. Left clicking is a challenge. I do not understand how someone can choose not to learn.

Oh! And he uses an ancient flip phone that does not text, take pictures or do anything other than make and receive phone calls. I get stuck sending texts for him using my phone. Sigh... I am definitely an enabler.

jaycee49

JCS, I wish my DH didn't know how to order from Amazon. I'd be rich.

Alice, every time I see your name, I see Alice Be Stable. That's what I want to be ... stable.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jaycee: Translated into Spanish, Alice's name sounds like: Alice goes stable (like she goes to some place being stable) Beautiful

bella2013

Jaycee, AMEN!!!

AliceBastable

My user name is stolen from a fictional character in a short story series of books written by Edith Nesbit in the late 19th - early 20th century. Last year, on a whim, I named my breasts after the two sisters in the stories: Dora, the older (bigger) one was well-behaved, and Alice, who was a scrappy little thing, was greatly admired by her brothers because she could fight as well as they did. 😀 I also named Sidney the Kidney when that cancer was found, for Sidney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities, who sacrificed himself so another could live ("It is a far, far, better thing..").

I guess it's good I wasn't naming body parts when I had a hysterectomy. Endora the witchy Endometrium? 😈

Artista964

mass shootings. 3 places in a week. 😢