please help

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  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    Oh my god - crazy stupid technacalaties, can you believe DCF can not stop that man right now from taking these children ANYWHERE,  he just can not keep them overnight -  their words as of now he has not been proven in court to be UNFIT-  WTF.

    Criminal court however did not go so well for him, criminal judge "JUDGE JUDY"  totally pissed at them both, although she did cut DD a little slack.  Normally she calls them both up together,  but Amanda requested that they appear today seperatly,  the judge asked if anyone else (Ed or Jaclyn had anything to offer) and they opened wide up his FB page,  she then called him and tore him apart for lieing for drinking, leaving county and told him he is BIG Trouble,  then she made everyone else leave wait outside,  he was in there about 45 minutes, and get this MR Bad A$$ came out with his tail between his legs crying-  he sent Amanda a PM saying why is she trying to have him arrested,  he wasn't arrested on the spot cause he left with his girl,  but I am thinking perhaps she told him to report to probation officer,  anyway the kids are staying here tonight, I am NOT sending them to school tomorrow, going to be talking to a lawyer friend of Ed's in the AM, my gaol is to keep this kids out of his hands what ever it takes. 

    Amanda showed Ed & Jaclyn a text he sent her saying he would kill her take the kids and no one would ever know and another saying he HATES Ella because she is FAT & UGLY.

    If I have to have Amanda placed in a hospital I will, what ever it takes, and that YOU KNOW WHAT has really crossed the wrong path now,  I take a lot of crap for sure and let people USE me,  but mark my words he will get these kids over my dead body.

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    well heard back from case worker, she and supervisor are coming here tomorrow @ 3:30PM,  I am not taking kids to school, not risking it,  but she said if Bill shows up here to claim his children he is NOT allowed to take them until he calls her, she has left him several messages all day and he has not called back,  if he acts up (after Ed beats the crap out of him - LOL)  call the cops.  It sounds like right now they seriously have no plan of taking custody of these kids away from Amanda even,  what a freakin joke.  But I plan to keep on chirping up any tree I have too.

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited June 2011

    Stay strong Cathi for the children. I am praying that the right things happen over the next few days.

    Sheila 

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    THANKS SHELIA, Been a very long few days, hoping I fall asleep tonight, the body's tired but the mind  won't shut up.

    LOVE YOU ALL -  YOUR MY ROCKS. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

  • sdstarfish
    sdstarfish Member Posts: 544
    edited June 2011

    Cathi, I'm not new to this site, but I'm new to this thread.  I just wanted to send you my support and wishes for easier times ahead.

    And to all the other women who've posted rough circumstances - I wish you all joy and peaceful times! Overwhelmed with reading how much studd we all go through in addition to cancer - it gets to be a lot sometimes, doesn't it?  But it;s good that we have each other to lean on.

    Lisa

    www.pinkkitchen.info

  • cloudhowe
    cloudhowe Member Posts: 236
    edited June 2011

    Oh Cathi

    What a time you are having of it.

    I gather that Bill has left Amanda for his 'girlfriend'. Could this be the catalist for him being removed from your lives? Cancer takes many forms - sometimes someone is just poisonious and corrosive. He seems to be.

    God love you pet. Take care of the wee yins, and keep Ella away fro her creepy father.

    Nets xxxx

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    I agree with Nettie, now the dumb shit is out of all of your lives including Amanda's. Deep breath. I don't think the skank would want to be burdened with someone else's kids, so you're probably safe there. I had to cry for poor Ellie, what has he already set in her pyche?????

    So it's Amanda you have to deal with. The more you threaten the idiot, the more he'll want to threaten taking the kids as he knows that's your sore spot. Take the attention away from the kids and worry about Amanada. GET HER INTO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING SCARY. She has lost her husband and her kids and is in the process of losing her family!! Get her to a safe place to 'crash'. PLEASE, I beg of you!!!

  • dink
    dink Member Posts: 240
    edited August 2011

    hank you Sheila, the job is going well.  I did run into a friend who is now interim director over the ER and she is going to let me orient to the ER after a few more weeks of orietation of my current job so I will be able to work in the ER part time which I love ER work.

  • dink
    dink Member Posts: 240
    edited August 2011

    Barb you are so cute and sweet.

    Cathi, I am so sorry for everything you are going through.  Just hang in there and don;t give up for the kids sake.  I wanted to let you know that eventually you will be lucky enough that Amanda will come around  I can't guarantee it that but my DD did.  The last incident we had, with DD and  Randy, (DD S.O.) he had chased her and her friend thrugh town with the kids in thee car (DD's friend' care) and they came to our house  He ws disrespecful to Donnie, my husband, a little intoxicaed and had used a little drugs, and we had him arrested.  I told him and my DD that if she wasn't strong enough to have him arrested, I was and I did, right there in my front yard.  I told him that my DD and grandchildren would no longer be  subjected to this junk. We paid for his ticket to go back to MS.  I was through and I told him.  I told him if I ever caught him throwing her against the was while holding her by her throat, I would kill him.  I got introube by the policy officer fr saying that but He knew I meant it.  He came back after three months they tayed in TX two months moved to MS for two months realized they should have stayed here and now they are doing great.  They are liing with us, They have a relationship with all of the children including Connor, which KeLee has only had a brother/sister relationship, its great.  They both have jobs, they are helping us pay bills and get caught up.  They are learning how to talk to their chilren without yelling as well as each other.  He has decreased his drinking and he hasn't laid another hand on our DD.  He apologized to both myself and Donnie.  They both have jobs and are working everyday.  The  kids are actually getting along and not fussing much any more.  There has been no yelling  They clean the house everyday and cook every night.  I guess what I'm trying to say is don't ever give up on Amanda no matter how angry you get eventually things will work out one way or another.  My situation with my DD was a good one.  Oh and by the way, they got in engaged today.  He paid cash for her an engagement ring and like he said, it's not real diamonds an its not exactly what he wanted t get but right now it's all he could pay for and he wanted to let her know he was definitely committed to her and all of the children.  It is great.  Donnie and Randy are getting along really good and oh he got his GED, would like to go to Chef schooling and wants KaLee to go back for a better education..  He is fina;;y giving support being an ncourager, helping kids with school and other needs.  e has never done it before.  We told him this was a temporary fix until he can for sure handle everything and learn how to handle money and get ahead.  We are slo their support system and both understand that the very first sign of trouble we will have them arrested and will take the kids immediately.  I think they believe us and reality has set in  Sorry to go on and on but please know that it is ok for you and Ed to put your foot down and take control until they can and they will eventually acknowlledge that you were in the right and it was all done becase you love them and the children

    Love you and sorry your are going through rough time  Hold your head high and do what you have to do to protect the little ones. 

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    Well ladies to much to write now I am exhausted,  but wanted to stop in.  For once I think maybe Amanda is seeing the light (not gonna hold my breath on it just yet cause yeah never know) she still cries because she LOVES him (ick) but I do see a shimmer of hope this time,  I pray it lasts.

    Barbe you are exactly right about taking the focus off the kids, it is VERY HARD but thats what we have to do.  Spent several hours with case worker today (Amanda was here too)  at this point DD & SIL still have SUPERVISED CUSTODY by DCF,  on Tuesday we are all meeting with Bill @ 6PM, While the caseworker can't SUGGEST we help to sink his battle ship, she is well aware of his past behavior when we had them full time last year, so as hard as it is to allow this with smiles on our face we agreed on a VISITATION schedule,  Monday nght through Friday night the children will have to sleep here Amanda works overnights,  Bill can not have the children ovenight until he has his own place and a state homestudy is done (YIPPIE FOR THAT) ,  So on Monday, Wed & Friday he is to be here at our house by 6PM (he will HATE coming here, ) and he can see the children from 6-7:30PM  alone at the beach, the park any public place.  On Saturdays he must pick the children up here by 8AM (get his lazy drunk ass out of bed) and return them by 1PM (this allows Amanda to sleep a few hours) she will have them the rest of the weekend until school on Monday,  on Tuesday & Thursday she will have them from school @ 4PM -7PM. Bill told the ccasw worker on the phone today HE IS MORE THAN HAPPY  to pay for school ($128/mo  - which he has told school on several ocassions isn't HIS responsibility) he said he would provide diapers every Monday + groceries. RIGHT -  We know and the case worker knows this won't happen or last but a week,  and thats what she needs to do her job legally.  Amanda will be able to file for sole custody and support also - that is if she keeps her nose clean.

    Like I said not making any bets right now that she will do right this time.  But they are both treading on very thin water right now.

    Anyway gonna try and get some sleep.  Thank you all.  Lessa  love yeah!!!!!  Nettie & Barbe you guys ROCK  - XOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO And Nettie I promise as soon as all the LEGAL STUFF is taken care of you can tounge lash Bill (or both if need be) Looking forward to that day.

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited June 2011

    Glad to hear you are getting the help from the case worker, hopefully this one will work out.

    Sheila 

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    dink you have done very well with your DD!! Congrats, I know it was a tough road but you persevered.

    Cathi, you are still in the thick of things!! We can only hope that the idiot moves back to New York or something...where is his family?? Now, do like dink said, AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE .......

    DO SOMETHING!!!! Bring those little kids in - refuse access to any stoned/drunk parent. Don't sit back and watch it all escalate again. This is a GAME to the kids. It's like REALITY TV to them!!! They feel famous and special because SO many people are watching them. STOP IT!!!!

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    Oh Barbe we are 100% comitted to the RIGHT THING, I did loose my temper on FB a bit Friday ,  yelled at them both publicly for their stupidness - Amanda today has the children Jaclyn and children and another good friend and her kids have gone over to Amanda's to have a pool day ,  like I said she is at this point more convicted then I have ever noted before, but I won't be fooled by her again thats for sure. And that piece of crap, ugh he makes me wann puke with his FB posts about missing the kids,  so glad I can't reply.  I know this is bad, and I hope God forgives me, but I am a little tickled inside knowing  come Tuesday when he gets his RULES from case worker how much he is gonna hate them and espically having to come here Ed and I give him a week -  which would really be about 4 days.  Not wishing him harm, just wishing for rapid failure.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    Yep, I'm seeing the idiot crashing and burning too....

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    Thanks for all the B'day wishes on FB, today well this entire week has been just horribe and expecting it to get even worse by the end of the day.  Barbe,  you were right it may very well have come down to having Amanda comitted somewhere, and Ed & I are just sick,  litterly sick,  not sure whats going to happen today,  the idiot is not back home,  I just can't even talk about all that has transpired this weekend,  PLEASE say a prayer for us and Landen & Ella -  I wish you all were here

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    Cathi, words fail me. My heart and soul are with you. Know that you are loved and supported.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    I thought the idiot left with his girlfriend!! Why the hell would you expect him "home"???????

    Oh, I wish I was done there to knock some heads together!!!  aaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh

  • dink
    dink Member Posts: 240
    edited August 2011

    Cathi, i'm praying for you and your family.  I know you are tired but you are doing a great job.  Barb, I think you need to take a can of whoop as. and go for a visit to FL.  I'll be right there to back you at.  Let me know when you are going.  Cathi, we are all here for you.

    Love you dear.

    Leesa

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    Barbe, he did leave,  but you are right and we have known all along, Amanda is mentally disturbed, this is far deeper than domestic violence.   She spent the entire weekend all day Saturday while Jaclyn was over to her place and yesturday while she and the children were here texting Bill - Begging him to come back - she would be better she would be diffrent for him,  she even used my computer and didn't log out so I have every message they sent back and forth Sunday and actually back to Sept before the kids were home when things were going on some stuff I didn't know.

    We had several people over Sunday for B'bq,  she spent absolutely NO time with the kids,  and other then food I sent with Jaclyn and Jaclyn took somem for Saturday (just enough for the day) there is not a stich of food in the house.  At about 6:30PM last night she & children were here and our last friends were leaving,  Amanda is out on our front porch SCREAMING  - I MEAN SCREAMING and crying at the top of her lungs begging him to come back,  our friends wittnessed the entire thing,  I had Landen & Ella in tub getting ready to take them home for the night,  she comes in and says we gotta get home Bill wants to come & see the kids. Mind you if you look at his FB page Friday night he went out, Saturday he went to the beach, Saturday night he went out,  not once did he care or ask to see his children over the weekend, he is playing a game because DCF is coming Tuesday just like he did last year.

    Anyway,  Ed finished up with the kids and I took her aside and laid into her,  and I told her WE ARE DONE, Bill in his replies to her is telling her he is never coming back all that stuff he's happy, she sucks, etc etc.  I was YOU two fiqure this out,  meaning I was not coming up in the AM to take kids to school,  I will not be watching them over night,  basically telling her let their LOVING MISSINF DAD do it,  you obviosly have NO REGARD for your children , and we know that $%$#@#$%^&* (I said many words) does not.  It was way deep,  just too much to type.

    Anyway DCF tells us their hands are tied at this point, what I did not realize until today was CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES is  not the same as DCF (Dept of Children & Families),  so I am pretty much unable to function today, Ed is a wreck,  but after talking we called Child protective Services ,  thus opening a new case against them,  at any moment they will receive knocks on their doors, I have every single FB post everything from yesturday and weeks and months before, school is aware.  And heres a topper for you,  hold onto your hats Amanda has a 7 year old daughter in NY whom she lost custody of for the same thing,  Jaclyn has been doing a lot of investigating on stuff she suspected and I was to blind to see,  I was just faxed papers from NY where Bill was in trouble for the same things even putting a gun to Amanda's face while she was holding that daughter -  this I NEVER KNEW, I almost passed out reading that stuff,  and in 4/09,  4 months before they moved here,   Landen was placed in protective custody in NY, none of us ever knew that,   I can't believe these papers I am reading, we are expecting to hear from Protective Services sometime, poor Ed I have seen him cry twice before today, when I was told I had cancer, when his dad died, but as he was making this report he lost it.  We have to save these babies

  • cloudhowe
    cloudhowe Member Posts: 236
    edited June 2011

    Oh Cathi - what can I say???

    Amanda seems from her FB posts to be under the creep's spell, she gushes hideously about him. If only she would share the truth with everyone!!!!!!! Still posting the strange 'bathroom' pics - now that is NOT normal. Her behavior is strange. Does she acknowledge how bizarre she is behaving. Would it be possible to have her committed without her concent? You could persuade her maybe that she is suffering from exhauston and might break down completely if she doesn't take a step back??

    I heartily support Dinks position - TOTALLY ( well done incidentally DInk!! Great news about the job and the way you have turned your domestic problems around!!!! An inspiration girl, and so very nice to hear good news). So be as tough and bright as a diamond. If he infringes the rules in any way, HAVE THE RULES FECKING ENFORCED. Like wise, if he is abusive, stoned or drunk, well that's what the police are for!

    I personally think that the authorities are been very generus with allowing unsupervised time with the kids. ABSOLUTELY make sure that he honours his committment for school fees, food and baby goods. That's the bare MINIMUM you should expect from a parent. No quarter girl! It might be the perfect chance for yu to get rid of the fecing eejit for once and for all. And thank god he hasn't gone home - when will Amanda wake up to the situation????

    Hope you had a great day Cathi. If anyone deseves it you do. You can tell by the amount of posts you have how much we regard you and wish we could be there for you in more than cyberspace.

    hang on in there! Wee Ella looks amazing in her photo with the cake, she is so animated and cheerful. No wonder you love her so much. At lease you have loads of input in their lives, and will keep them loved and safe.

    Try to relax and enjoy your time with the kids and Ed. Keep a detailed account of everyhing Bill does, because he will f*&^k up for certain sure.

    Be well. God bless.

    Nets xxxxxx 

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited June 2011

    Cathi, I have been praying for the safety of the children. I also wonder if there is any way to get her committed for her safety now that you know what has happened in the past in NY.

    I will be checking in not as frequently over the next 3 weeks. My mom has asked me to travel with her and my father this summer. We will be traveling to Ohio for a family reunion as well as mom and dad's high school class monthly get togethers, then to Minnesota to see other relatives, then to Omaha for church general conference July 6 - 8.  I am taking my laptop and will be checking in at hotels when we have internet access.

    Sheila 

    Sheila 

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    Sheila!! What a wonderful summer project you have and how honoured you should feel that your parents want you along for the ride!!! Now how cool is that; that they want to share their past lives with you too. Enjoy every minute, but pop in to let us know all is good.

    Cathi. GET HER COMMITED!! Before I have to say I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When they show up with the white coats, she will more than justify the point by the way she will act. Idiot won't come by if she's not there for him to sniff on.

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited June 2011

    Thanks barbe, I do love my parents but sometimes they can get under my skin.  My father's health isn't as good as it used to be. He is 74 and he has been in and out of the hospital this past winter with pnumonia and his diabetes can affect his moods when the sugar level gets too low. Mom said that he doesn't drive during the long trips as much as he used to, so I am going as an additional driver. We will be traveling to an area of the country we haven't been (Omaha) and that will be fun.  Last year when we went to Ohio for my grandmother's funeral, my mom had broken her foot and was unable to drive, so I jokingly said that I was driving miss daisy through the snow! I am taking my digital camera and plan on taking plenty of pictures. My husband is sad he won't get to see me for 3 weeks though.

    Sheila 

  • pixelsupply
    pixelsupply Member Posts: 62
    edited June 2011

    SUEPS,

    I am so sorry you are going through this. But after reading your post I am wondering if you shouldn't go and get a second opinion. Tell the second hospital or team of doctors you need their opinion immediately.No hospital (and I have been to three!) would have you wait that long. That just doesn't seem right at all.

    I too had IDC and that includes insitu because thats where it starts...so you have IDC or Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The care and treatment started two weeks after my diagnosis...not 4 months!. I My treatment was neoadjuvant chemo, which shrunk the tumor to a lumpectomy, then surgery and I am now finishing up  with radiation.

    Please get a second opinion, it is very simple to do. Just call the records department of your current doctor and you will need to sign a letter (they can fax or email to you) then go to the records department, pickup your films and send (via fed ex if necessary) to another hospital. 

    PLEASE GET A SECOND OPINION! And by the way, having gone through the current treatments they are not what was present for your mom or your gran. It is 2011 after all.

    Good luck to you! Hugs to you and your family. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!  I DID!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    I remember when your Mom broke her foot (and hurt her nose!!!). You should run a speech-activated tape recorder for the whole trip and then write a book when you're done!! Call it Driving Me Crazy!! hehehehehehehee

    You will have those memories for a long, long time....

  • 1Cathi
    1Cathi Member Posts: 1,957
    edited June 2011

    Have a wonderful time Shelia, cherish those moments.

    Barbe the wheels (I hope) are in motion,  we are going through Child Protective Services  now as it's quite apparent DCF only wants to sweep every concern under the carpet,  I never realized they were a completely diffrent system,  just found out that CPS was at the school yesturday, they reported that payments are 2 weeks behind again, that Landen 7 Ella both come to school dirty & tired,  Jaclyn actually popped in an hour or so ago just to see them and Landen she observed through the glass throwing a huge temper tantrum,  yelling screaming throwing things at his teacher, they said that is regular behavior for him.  We are prepared to have Amanda Baker Acted,  but our fist goal is to do what ever it takes to get those children out of the house,  Amanda deleted us all on FB and marked her page private, I'll keep you all posted, I just wish things would go faster waiting on CPS worker to call -

  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited June 2011

    Hi, Cathi -

    I confess that I have been lurking and just wanted to let your know I am praying for you and your family, especially the children.  Don't quite understand, though - Amanda is your daughter and had a 7-year-old removed from the home in NY that you didn't know existed?  Am I misunderstanding?

    Barbe - it isn't that easy to get someone involuntarily committed in the States - you can have them held for 48 hours if they are a danger to themselves or others (drug abuse situtations and true madness, usually), but they let them go and rarely commit even the craziest person.  You literally have to be criminally insane to get committed for any length of time.  I'll give you an example - I was a social worker long ago and had a schizophrenic woman applying for assistance.  She refused to cooperate with the regs about providing verfication of anything at all, instead she just threatened to kill me if I didn't certify her.  My supervisor finally told me to just "do what you have to do."  The agency was very familiar with this woman and she could not be committed because she hadn't harmed anyone yet. 

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2011

    Well Des, 48 hours is all we can hold someone up here as well. But if Amanada has to injure one of the kids or herself first, then please God, let it be the idiot she harms!!!!!

    I'm pretty sure if they get Amanada aside and 'contain' her she will collapse into a pile of snot and tears out of relief. I believe she is barely hanging on and I pray there doesn't have to be a high-drama scene before someone locks her up!!!

    If that isn't signs of someone SCREAMING for help, then I'll send back by psych degree!!!

  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited June 2011

    Oh, I agree completely that she is desperately ill.  The whole thing is extremely sad.  It brings back some terrible memories.  I recall in particular a very small boy, only about 3 years maybe, who would always come knock on our door after dark wanting to know if my little boy could play.  One night, it was about 11:00 PM.  I don't know why I didn't bring him in and call the authorities right then, thinking back on it.  I was very torn up by it.  One day I saw him in the laundry room and he had this huge knot on his cheekbone and I asked him what happened to his face.  He said, "My daddy hit me."  I call CPS immediately only to get a letter about three days later saying the child abuse was "unsubstantiated."  God, that just gave me nightmares.  The law requires an emergency visit to any child who has suffered a blow to the face or head, so how on earth was a big egg with bruising just above his eye "unsubstantiated?"  It's so unbearably horrible.  Cathi, I don't know how you can stand it - I am praying for you and the kids.  I would be a basket case from all this!

  • desdemona222b
    desdemona222b Member Posts: 776
    edited June 2011

    Cathi, where are you?  Hope you and everyone else is okay!

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