please help

chrissyb

(((((((Hugs)))))) Cathi, it's always hard to have to sit back and watch the destruction and know that you could do something to prevent it but are not allowed to.  Tough love is the hardest love to give freely.

1Cathi

I can't even stop crying right now. I just want to scream at both DD & SIL, but I know that will end what little contact I do have with Landen & Ella right now, which is mostly when they NEED something, but at least I get to see them, We (Ed & I) have been told not to RESPOND to things like this because sooner or later things will end up for the best for Landen & Ella, I don't believe that,  it is an explosive home  and I don't believe anything good will come from any of this.  I put in writing to the case manager 2 weeks ago - that I wanted it to be public record or what ever that these children are in physical/emotional danger based on my knowledge  - they don't give a crap though.

barbe1958

I think it might be time for an intervention Cathi. Do it.

1Cathi

Barbe- I can't do anything more than I have, unless you have some suggestions, I tell caseworkers, they MAKE NOTE-  Apparently what I find to be  POOR PARENTING, they do not. So a child with NO BED,  parents having orgies in their home,  a dad admitting on FB he is drinking , etc, etc, is NO BIG DEAL.  I don't know maybe calling the abuse hotline might do something I doubt it though  since the kids are already in protective supervision???????? This is why children get hurt and die. 

barbe1958

What about the court itself?

1Cathi

We don't have another court date until August unless DCF were to call for one,  they have monthly court apparences for the criminal drug charges but thats it.

1Cathi

Si I talked to daycare a little bit ago, they are the only one's who really seem to still give a hoot about Landen & Ella, she said that for the past month she has been requesting payment and finally she just got fed up with the lies, one lie after another about I'll have it - i'll have it the next day.  She said that a few weeks ago when she mentioned it to SIL, he siad "Well thats not my responsibility - thats their mom's"  This past Friday she finally told Amanda they can not come backk untill last month and this month is paid,  Amanda told her she would pay Monday night when SHE got paid -  she does not get paid today she gets paid bi-weekly on her overnight on Thursday (pay this week) ,  I know for a fact SIL only has 3 day paycheck this week from his FB page he lost holiday pay last Monday and left Tuesday,  so Ann said she is legally obligated to call DCF, if kids do not come to school Tuesday she will be calling.  She also said she doesn't like approaching dad - because he seems VOLITALE (sp) 

barbe1958

VOLATILE!! Good! They may be the ones that bring everything to a head. How sad for everyone involved...sigh.

barbe1958

How strange that two sisters could be so different. My sister and I are different, but not to that extreme. One responsible and one low-life (Sorry, but thats' how me and the rest of the world see it, Cathi!) How your heart must ache. But at least you know you did enough right because the other sister is just so normal!! Amanda is just missing a link....

karen333

Dear Cathi, I am so sorry all these issues are swirling around you, especially since no one seems to realize the potential and actual damage to Ella and Landen.  The call from the nursery school just may open up Pandora's box for Amanda and SIL for social services since it was court ordered that the children be in nursery school.  Plus the lead teacher's opinion of SIL may finally have an impact.  A full out investigation may, God willing, result and the children's living situation will be exposed.  Sending prayers for you and Ed, and the little ones.  Karen

1Cathi

No need to be sorry Barbe, my emotions about my daughter are so mixed,  and to top it all off I am watching the Caylee Anthony trial daily on TV 9the little girl missing for 31 days) and so many people said "SHE LOVED HER DAUGHTER"  Love is such a misused/abused word,  something like that,  I belive DD & SIL love (or at least think ) they love their children,  that still does not make them good parents. I do appreciate the daycare keeping me informed, if the kids aren't brought in Tuesday AM she said she will call me ASAP. I guarantee come August if they still have custody , these babies won't be going to school, because it most likely won't be a court order then,  they can't pay $128/mo how the heck will they pay the $150/per wk.  And daycare is their only STABLE thing at this point.

Barbe the girls are as diffrent as night and day, don't get me wrong Jaclyn has given me her share of issues,  but with out a doubt she has ALWAYS put Alexcis & Brand't needs before hers,  they do not go without WHAT THEY NEED, now they don't have everything they want all the time, but she provides and takes care of them without a question.  At least that is one peace I have.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

cloudhowe

Hi Cathi and everyone

I have NEVER before went into a photo album of anyone who I didn't know. I totaly respect privacy.But when Amanda's photos came up - when I log in every few days - I did. There was nothing exteme, just bad taste.

Seems like it had hit a nerve, god love you Cathi. It does give a taste of the torture you are going through.

It took all of my self control to have the biggest pop at your daughter EVER, but did not want to make your situation worse.

Why not just take them over her to Scotland??

Nets xx

cloudhowe

PS - can i give her the telling off from HELL!!!!!!!!

cloudhowe

Do we have your concent?????

1Cathi

Nettie  - Love yeah ,  when the time is right - you all can go for it. It is so hard for me not to say something about the pictures or remarks made (espically on his page) but I don't let the cat out of the bag I can still view his page for now that is the only real IN I have to the going on's in their home. I print out everything and keep it just incase he delets things(and he or maybe she has) ,  torture, what a good word, it truly is an emotional torture.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

dink

Hello everyone.  Sorry it has been so long since I have been here.

Cathy, you and your family are in my prayers  I am sorry your plate is so full.  There is light at the end of the dark tunnel.  As you know I have had problems with my DD and her SO, they aren't married yet, but they have moved back in with us.  I thought it would be bad especially with my loss of my job but it has really been nice..  The are keeping my house spotless, clothes done up, all eals cooked and kitchen cleaned before I can even start.  Both of them are now working, all of the kids are settling down and more loving towards each other and not so jeaous or thriving for attention. Connor, my grandson we have had since birth, has even committed on having his brother and sisters here  He doesn't want them to move out beause he "won't go".

I got offered several jobs, one where my husband works but its in day surgery.  I also got offered a position in El Paso but we decided we would stay here.  I like the hospital and have been welcoed with open arms.  I did get unemployment as they decided, the unemployment office, tha my being terminated had nothing to do with my job performance.  They, the unemployment office, spoke with me, spoke with my ex-boss' office and they also spoke wth the state of TX and found that the license never expired and my work was fine.  they were calling every day or texting, the human resorces lady, wanting me to sign the serverance agreement.  I would cry every time they called or would text so I signed it because I didn't want to hear from them any more.  I have been working at the hospital since May 23 and have lost 4 pounds, been outside more than I ever have in the past three years.  I stayed in bed or my chair for 5 weeks and was miserable.  No more I have a world out there and I need to be out there in it.  My daughter is calmer and not yelling as much to the kids 

o as you can see there is light at the end of a long and dark tunnel.  Just believe in God and all will work itself out.

Love you all,

Dink  

dink

Hello everyone.  Sorry it has been so long since I have been here.

Cathy, you and your family are in my prayers  I am sorry your plate is so full.  There is light at the end of the dark tunnel.  As you know I have had problems with my DD and her SO, they aren't married yet, but they have moved back in with us.  I thought it would be bad especially with my loss of my job but it has really been nice..  The are keeping my house spotless, clothes done up, all eals cooked and kitchen cleaned before I can even start.  Both of them are now working, all of the kids are settling down and more loving towards each other and not so jeaous or thriving for attention. Connor, my grandson we have had since birth, has even committed on having his brother and sisters here  He doesn't want them to move out beause he "won't go".

I got offered several jobs, one where my husband works but its in day surgery.  I also got offered a position in El Paso but we decided we would stay here.  I like the hospital and have been welcoed with open arms.  I did get unemployment as they decided, the unemployment office, tha my being terminated had nothing to do with my job performance.  They, the unemployment office, spoke with me, spoke with my ex-boss' office and they also spoke wth the state of TX and found that the license never expired and my work was fine.  they were calling every day or texting, the human resorces lady, wanting me to sign the serverance agreement.  I would cry every time they called or would text so I signed it because I didn't want to hear from them any more.  I have been working at the hospital since May 23 and have lost 4 pounds, been outside more than I ever have in the past three years.  I stayed in bed or my chair for 5 weeks and was miserable.  No more I have a world out there and I need to be out there in it.  My daughter is calmer and not yelling as much to the kids 

o as you can see there is light at the end of a long and dark tunnel.  Just believe in God and all will work itself out.

Love you all,

Dink  

1Cathi

Sooooooooooooooo Happy for you Leesa, I pray your days continue to be BRIGHT. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

lvtwoqlt

Glad you are doing well Leesa, hopefully the right job will come your way! I am still looking.

Cathi, I am still praying for you and the children.

Sheila 

barbe1958

Excellent dink! One of us down.....next!!!!

1Cathi

Hi all didn't want to keep you all wondering /worrying,   Able to see Landen & Ella Sunday first time in 2wks ,  spent time with them Alexcis & Brandt a good few hours swimming.  DD & SIL apparently had a grand old time out Friday night (his FB page) they don't know I know,  have NO clue who was with the children.  Apparently switiching their drug of choice from crack to drink,  they were at a bar over an hour away, Gee wonder which one was drunk driving.  

1Cathi

Well Ladies  the train wreck has happened,  I can't even begin to explain all that has occurred over the past 48 hours the climax of it all occured last night about 10PM when Ed & I called the police to meet me at DD & SIL's apartment,  they allowed Landen & Ella to come back here with us, neither SIL or DD were arrested last night, but @ 10:30AM they must be in front of the criminal judge. SIL left the apartment last night to go to his GIRLFIRENDS apartment,  I spent hours all day yesturday and last night with DCF,  have no clue what will transprire today,  we have told Amanda we LOVE HER and are ready to support here (emotionally) when she IS COMPLETELY & TOTALY COMITTED to her childrens well being and hers,  So thats the quuick version,  things are just really mixed up and crazy I'll let you know more when I know more.  But right now Landen & Ella are safe, poor Landen is a basket case so sad, confused, what goes through an almost 3yr olds mind.

lvtwoqlt

Cathi, so sorry this had to happen but I will be praying for you and the children.

Sheila 

barbe1958

So the emotional bubble has burst - sort of.... I wonder what will happen in court this morning. I mean, what are the charges? Did Amanda know about idiot's GF???

I know you are sad Cathi, but I also know you feel a sense of relief by having the kids back in your care. Let the other two rip each other apart, at least the kids don't have to watch. Landon will need some processing, that's for sure, but kids are pretty resilient!

Keep us posted, dear heart, we care.

With love,

1Cathi

Actually at this point we DON'T have custody back thats the hard weird thing.  On Friday they left the county to go out and drink - all posted on His FB, that is a violation of probation for their drug charges,  my biggest concern right now is SIL getting the children say from school and taking them God only knows where,  while legally he can't just take them anywhere,  he can still PICK them up,  everything is a court process,  paper work legalaties. Soooooooooooo frustrating,  Amanda has known all this crap all along, thats what PO's me about here, but on the other hand I get that ABUSE CYCLE,  I am not even confident after this wreck she will stick to her guns, therefore my goal and objective as it has always been is the children. I am the Biggest Squeaky Wheel  right now, I will go to who ever I have to yell at who ever I have to to make sure these children are no longer subject to that environment. If or when Amanda decides to wake up & buck it up and do whats right, we will be here. The ball is in her court as far as being a mom for her children

barbe1958

Intervention time? What happened to you to finally break the abuse cycle Cathi???

1Cathi

Barbe I did the same thing for years and years back and forth,  so I completely get it.  But the year before I left I was in and out of the hospital with horrendous chest pains,  can't even count how many overnights I did,  I had test after test each time even a heart cath as every symptom I showed was like that of a heart attack -  of coarse each test revealed my heart was fine.  I was sent home on VERY HEAVY medications the last time,  Oxicotin etc.  I was was walking zombie, couldn't go to work . One day GOD did his intervention, I was home alone a beautiful sunny day,  I was out on the pation under the beautiful sunny sky and he spoke to me-  YOU CAN'T LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THIS WAY-  it was so clear so vivid (I know I was "HIGH" but I know it happened) at that moment I made the decision,  I took no more medication I gave the ex my last appeal for us to go get help or I was leaving-  He said well F-IN leave,  I did have to do it on the secret as he would never have let me go easy - a week later with nothing more than my cloths special things, photos etc,  I loaded up my Blazer (I had already rented a hotel room) I left and I have been gone sence.  It was so hard so scary,  phone threats after a bit he found the apartment I moved to stalked for a bit- all the typical ass stuff, but then his drug abuse kept him busy enough and he wrote bad checks down here and finally went back to NY.

I get where Amanda is at, and I know it's hard, but I/we must kstand our ground with her.

barbe1958

Yes, you must stand your ground. Perhaps she is incapable of 'hearing what God is telling her'!!! Maybe she needs to be told by her Mom!! Or poor Ed, who I'm sure she respects. SOMEONE has to tell her!!

Tell her you've given up on the idiot and hope you don't have to give up on her too. Offer her assylum in your home or a hotel (hope not!) but the kids stay with you. Tell her, if she is afraid, that you can have her put in the hospital to 'protect her'. Maybe she needs to break down and see rock bottom.

1Cathi

All you have said and more Barbe, they are at court now she just called and he is there with his girlfriend, Ed took her and Jaclyn is there too - I just could not go,  I am waiting to hear from the case worker in hopes that if they don't get arrested today for a probation violation we can get some kid of quick injunction filed that he can not TAKE the children with him,  right now until all goes before family court again,  he can LEGALLY pick them up,  he can't legally take them any place he wants to, but if he has them how the hell do we know where he goes with them.

She has so much state help at her finger tips right now, she just has to take it,  it is sad to say but neither Ed or I hold out much ho[pe for her.  As far as her coming here,  I can not do that at this point, perhaps for a night, but she needs PROFESSIONAL help a womans shelter a hospital something, I can not give her the help she needs,  I can give her LOVE & SUPPORT,  I told her I completely know how she feels now, she knows and remembers our relationship,  but right now she is not hearing anything

barbe1958

What I am kind of skirting around and hoped you knew what I meant is......here goes....I think you should get her committed to a psych ward!! Drug/alcohol abuse, abandoning her children, breaking parole, she MUST be crazy. AND, her reaction when the guys with the white jackets show up will prove it all. I don't blame you for not going to court. This way you don't have to ever set eyes on the idiot again...hopefully. Don't ASK Amanda about the hospital, JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They will assess her and get the right treatment. It will be a non-family's 'judegement' that may finally make her see that right now it IS 'all or nothing'!!