please help

1Cathi

Shelia have a grand time driving MR&MRS DAISY, such a special time.

Barbe you are so right last year the children were removed on 6/29.  She sent ma a friend request today not sure why,  it was shortly after another phone conversation, lots of times I don't even answer but sometimes I do,  Guess I am hoping one of these times when I answer there will be a mature responsible woman on the other end.  It was about 11AM Ed and I were on our way home from errand running, she asked what we were doing today and I told her house work and lawn work,  it has rained all week, our yard is a mess, and housework has been the last thing on my mind,  I asked why, she said oh thought maybe you would want to see the kids today,  Bills working all day and Landen is asking for you (and he does do that a lot , when I do get him from school he always asks to come to the house, or if here doesn't want to leave) of coarse hearing that broke my heart,  but we did have plans for today and Sunday,   she kept pushing that button though although I tried not to let her hear the emotion in my voice,  I reminded her of Monday 4TH Plans and that  we would like Landen & Ella here,  and I emphasised the word YOU are also welcome for the day, with the conditions of ITS A HOLIDAY FUN DAY, we will discuss NOTHING else. that's when I got the "I can't  believe YOU are doing this to me -  I have always been the black sheep"  I was able to get out Amanda I have caused none of this,  she hung up and a few hours later I got the friend request.

Of coarse I cried the rest of the way home thinking about Landen & Ella,  second guessing myself,  Ed says we are doing right & good, so I'll keep hanging on his and all of your words. But it sure does HURT BAD sometimes.

XOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOX

1Cathi

Barbe I forgot how was pool day on Friday????

barbe1958

Glorious in the pool!!!! But today I can't move.....double doses of pain meds since I got home last night. Don't know if it was the exercise-like floating for a couple of hours in the water, or just the moving around my brother's large yard. Either way I am crippled today and have stayed in my jammies....sigh. Thanks for asking.

1Cathi

Well feeling less sad/guilty about DD at this time, and for at least a bit again know that whet we are doing is the right thing, since she refriended me on FB today just noticed she took some new photos of herself, so said HUM, checked out that stupid on line dating sight they are both on, yup new photos on there, so clearly again know wher both their heads are at- scertienly not focused on their children

1Cathi

11:30AM phone rigns- Amanda - I did not answer just wasn't in the mood -

2 minutes later phone rings, Amanda, I answered,  but gut said too -  she is hysterical,  mom come quick Bill hit me, we tear out of the house, Ed driving, I calling 911,  dispatcher said they already had a call to that address,  they told us they were on their way DO NOT GO IN THE HOUSE. We make it before the police we are only 3 miles away,  Ed had all he could do to keep me from going in cause from the parking lot I hear Ella & Landen screaming, 

Police pull in,  they go in the house WE CAN'T  (you can imagine where our heads aare at) about 5 minutes later a fire truck rescue and ambulance pull in,  now I am completely hysterical,  they are in and out, a cop goes in and out twice- NOONE says anything to us - Pardon my french I AM FUCKIN HYSTERICAL in the parking lot. THey take a strecher in -

20minutes or so passes, rescue comes out with noone and leaves???????? WTF, Shortly after that,  Amanda opens the door and Landen & Ella come running out to us -  OMG so ,  another 30 or so minutes passes cops come out,  yeah they are fighting,  but noone saying anything,  can you guys talk to them - NO-NO-NO,  well we are gonna leave theres nothing we can do here right now, maybe you can take the children with you-  I am trying to keep calm - explaining these children have an open DCF case,  this is the 3rd time in 2 weeks you have been here etc, ect.  Ed says "you think these children are safe"  pushing them to call Child Protective Services-  They say YUP, we aren't worried about the kids, but maybe you should take them with you- AGAIN WTF

So Ed scoops up Ella, I head into the apartment to just get diapers and some shoes for them,  they are still fighting back and forth,  the apartment is discusting, I could not walk without stepping on furniture, food, cloths what ever,  can not locate one thing of the kids, I finally just said CAN YOU TOO STOP and get me some stuff for these kids so I can get them out of here,  what really pisses me off is if we had not been there those cops would have left those kids there with them still fighting -  anyway their child protective case worker is actually on duty today, called her as soon as we got back -  of coarse NOTHING we can really do right now- THE FAMOUS WORDS, Ed talked to her cause I am afraid I would not be very nice, but she did say first thing Tuesday she is going to state attorneys office -  I don't knw what else to do,  SIL is apparently moving for real Tuesday -  I can hear DCF now, that will solve the problems it will not,  they will still see each other they will still fight,  from what I have learned through the day from Amanda's friend in NY who is so fed up and keeping me posted on things, he did hit Amanda,  but apparently after she had kicked in one of the car doors cause he was trying to leave - so they apparently both covered for each other,  she apparently told ambulance she fell and got bruises.  I don't know, Landen & Ella are supposedly here until Tuesday for school because CPS did call each of them and chew them out and made that suggestion - HOWEVER they could come and get them if they change their minds-   Ed talked to Amanda and said he was coming up to get some stuff for the kids, she had stuff sitting outside her door in bags and Bill and car were gone???

We don't know what else to do where else to YELL for help - something so bad is going to happen.

geebung

Cathi,

 As I was reading your latest account of these dreadful events I felt my rage rising. Why, oh why are these organisations which are supposed to be protecting and advocating for children so ineffective?! For little children (babies really - they are both so young) to constantly witness their parents' detestable behaviour is ABUSE! You are well aware of this of course and it is breaking your heart. I just ache for all of you.

What makes me furious is that children are seen as their parents' possessions and the parents' right to have them under the same roof appears to be far more important than the rights of the children to have a reasonably safe and secure life. I realise that, in the past, children were taken from the parental home and farmed out to institutional care and often abused by these institutions and of course that was wrong. But now, the pendulum has swung to the extreme opposite and everything is done to keep the kids in the family home with parents who couldn't even raise a kitten successfully - let alone human children. Where's the balance? Where's the common sense?

I'm so angry and sad for your whole family. You and Ed have bent over backwards trying to do the right thing and yet these poor kids are still being damaged by their infantile parents.

I'm just lost for words. 

Hugs,

Jane oxoxoxo

1Cathi

Jane you are so very right Jane,  and it is frustrating, sad and a ton of other emotions. Reunification -  saving the family unit,  their is no medium,  and we don't know where else to turn,  except to go down to the court house and try and speak to a judge states attorney ourselfs, I am so angry inside that no  one REALLY listens to us,  it's  about like when we go to the DR we know something is WRONG  but the DR won't listen because his DX is based on a text book ,  I just don't know what to do anymore. It's 5:30AM and if I have slept and hour I am lucky,  the brain just won't shut down.

barbe1958

Get Amanda committed. It will get her away from Bill. It will keep her safe and maybe they can turn her life around. I cannot stress this enough. Please!! She will fall apart when Bill leaves. Please!!!!

I thought the asshole had already moved out! How is she going to manage the rent alone?

1Cathi

Barbe, I can't comitt her, have tried, she threatens DEATH, we stress it  - she denies it, just like the abuse, and  no one listens,  We keep hearing OH THINGS ARE MUCH WORSE IN OTHER CASES-  God forbid if something happens to anyone - her the kids, He is supposed to be ofically moved Tuesday, what she's doing where she is going I have no clue, they are evicted from the apartment they have now

barbe1958

Cathi, the very fact that she threatens death is the reason to have her committed!!!! I am SO afraid of her being alone with the kids. We had a young mother up here video tape herself drowing her two kids in a bathtub, all the time saying that now no one can have them. Her husband had kept telling Children Services that she was 'crazy' but they left the kids with the mother anyway. Is that what you want for your grandchildren??? OF COURSE NOT!!! I know that, but I am SO worried!!!!!!!!

Please, I beg of you, get an ambulance to come the next time she calls and MAKE them take her away!!!!! Her reaction to the guerney will be enough to make them notice her. I was a police auxilliary in Toronto for 7 years. I saw a lot of 'damage' to both people and homes through mental states. I even had to hand cuff one suicide and have them put her face down and strap her in the guerney to avoid her kicking us. Amanda will get an incredible strength with all the anger she has bottle up. I don't want her to use that anger against herself or the kids. Who gets the car? The idiot, I presume???

Cathi, I ask you again. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, the next time she calls you, call an ambulance and meet then there. Tell them your daughter has threatened to take her life and as she is in the care of children under 5, you are afraid she will hurt them too. They will become a burden to her once Bill is gone and she is homeless. GET THE KIDS OUT OF THERE.

Please!!!!!

1Cathi

Barbe - I hear you loud and clear,  even yesturday we thought for sure the police would call protective services and the children would finally be safe- but nope,  this system sucks and your fears are well founded and my biggest fears also, I will call next time, I am calling EVERYTIME,  but noone seems to see or care about our fears, my heart my soul my gut feels and unfortunetly knows something awful is going to happen,  this continued and escolating behavior leaves room for no other outcome, and Ed and I sit here helpless. I am so in fear,  I echo all the time to these idiots "THIS IS HOW CHILDREN DIE"  Only to hear police & CPS say we don't think they are in iminent danger - I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

lvtwoqlt

Just checking in from Council Bluffs Iowa. Mom is shocked at what I am reading here. She also can't understand why the authorities won't do anything before something serious happens to the children. We will be praying for you and the children. 

Sheila 

1Cathi

Shelia - we just don't get it either- I keep going back to the simple word "STABLE"  when the kids went back in March -  if their life is STABLE,  then I am absolutely nuts.  Amanda sends me a message a bit ago saying Bill is getting the children from school after work and taking them to his NEW BACHELOR PAD (his facebook words),  I am sick with nausea at the thought,  and the good Lord only knows what or where Amanda is going to be Tuesday I guess she has a couple more days in the apartment per eviction.

On another note poor Ed he broke his thumb,  and the weirdest way,   the kids always like when he blows up the little plastic bags the daily newspaper comes in and pops them, well he keeps a stash from every paper, he did about 3 or 4 and somehow on the last one crazy he smashed his hand into his left thumb and pop -  my husband does NOT do Dr's so he has it all wrapped and bandaged, he's in some pain though actually took 1/2 of my pain pills. Poor guy had all he could do to B'bq today. Hope the swelling goes down tomorrow for him and the pain. WEIRD ACCIDENT.

barbe1958

Cathi, having been an auxilliary police officer for 7 years in Toronto, let me tell you. The police are NOT there to mediate between families and children. They are there to perform an action. Arrest, separate or calm down a situation and move on. It is NOT their job to assess a situation as far as imminent danger goes. Seriously. They are there to be reactive, not proactive. Otherwise they'd never get any work done!!

So, do NOT call the police, call the ambulance! Tell them your daughter is suicidal but will protest that she isn't as soon as she sees the ambulance. Tell them you are her mother and are insisting that she get taken in. The police will NOT do this. They are NOT babysitters!! The ambulance people are there to TRANSPORT. Not to assess or mediate. Just to get someone into care. That's it.

You guys are using the wrong people to help you!!! Get the family isolated with Amanda under care and the kids with you. Why do you ask about custody?? Just take the fucking children away!!!!!!!! Don't get into legal battles with people who don't care!! At a scene, if a child said 'grandma' to a woman, we would allow them to go with someone they knew. We would not allow kids to go to a neighbour. This would happen if we had to take the mom and/or dad away. That is not the time for legalities, that is the time to react. Just DO IT.

You are driving yourselves crazy by expecting the 'government' to clean up Amanda's mess. They have no interest. Get her committed and take the kids. It's as easy as that. Bill will be glad they are well taken care of and you'll never see the idiot again after he performs his one 'stunt' to get his kids back. If he shows up with the cops you tell the cops that he beat Amanda who is now under medical care and you are afraid he will hurt the kids. The cops will see that you are the saner party and leave them with you. Tell Bill to get a court order to get the kids back. He won't bother.

Take CONTROL sister!!!

barbe1958

Oh, and give Ed a Mommy kiss for me.... on his thumb!

1Cathi

Barbe, I wish we could do that, bt I will try the ambulance thing,  we  have been told out right by CPS that when ever the kids are here at this time anytime Bill or Amanda want them they have  ALL THE LEAGL RIGHTS to take them,  I do here what you are saying though,  it makes sence,  I don't know maybe we are relying on these CPS orders to much,  maybe we should break the law. and kidnap them.

They are at the BACHELOR PAD this evening (Landen & Ella) I have been told through the grape vine Amanda is staying there until Aug 1 when she will have enough money saved for her own place - BS-  but maybe on a positive note  -( won't hold much stock in it though) case worker called today and she has a meeting with States attorney in the AM, they are going to ask for a judicial review,  not sure how quickly that will be -  or even the outcome, but we are to be there to plead our case.  But get this case worker said she was surprised it took till Sunday for the police to be back out there- I didn't know she saw them again this past Thursday -  she told me they were argueing while she was there, she told them  they needed to stop,  they toned down a little and before she could shut the door behind her when she got ready to leave they were at it again -  at least this time she heard something -  Barbe I do - do -do appreciate your advise and I'll try your tactics WHEN it all goes down again- and we know it will.

barbe1958

It's not that you are kidnapping the kids, it's that you are taking them to a safe haven. Bill, after a first attempt to throw his weight around will leave them quite happily with you guys. I think that's what they are subliminally trying to do. To get the kids back to you.

Is the girlfriend living at Bills' new place too???

1Cathi

Barbe you along with others have said that same thing, about them really wanting the kids away from them,  but they won't say that because they  don't want anyone to think they are BAD PARENTS-  but history repeats itself as we know, they like being PART TIME PARENTS- and I will heed your suggestions- I promise,  but the legals do get all up in it-

As far as Bill's girlfriend- WHICH ONE-  he has Been told NO ONE is to be there without a background check - but that won't happen, he believes he is above rules/laws etc. I was told by Amanda's BFF in NY (whom by the way is OVER AMANDA) that she believes Amanda is staying there - don't know.  I hope we can go before the judge within a few days not weeks, and I hope it's sthe same judge as the last time - she is a tuff one. But even with that I have little to no faith in our child protective system, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

cloudhowe

Sleepless night lassies ..

My wee brother going through is CAT scan this pm, is due to have the tumour removed on Thursday ...

I have my mammo tomorrow, so can't go down. And, icing on the cake, had a bad fall on Sunday. Bloody myopathy - legs dont work. Feeling most weepy and a wee bit scared today.

Nets xxx

lassie11

Nets - my thoughts are with you for you and your brother. Our dates and diagnosis are quite similar and I know that the return mammo is always a worry even when nothing else suggests trouble. I hope your brother comes through well.

barbe1958

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Nettie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Ah Nets, so hard to be worrying about ourselves when other family members need us!!! What tumour?? Did I miss something? Maybe you posted on FB, but I'm lost. Bloody neuropathy is right!

Much love sweetie! I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers for your brother.

Anonymous

Wow, Nettie! Hard times indeed. The fear is so hard to deal with...know that you are held in the hearts of many. Wish I could be there to give lots of hugs and be at your side. Please keep us informed. I will be thinking of you constantly. I've been listening to the CD you sent for Devin's graduation and enjoying it immensely! He copied it to his iPod and also enjoys it a great deal. You are in our lives and we send lots of love your way!!!

cloudhowe

Hi my sweet lassies,

My wee brother is just now going for his CT scan. He is TOOOO upbeat and jokey. Most of the family don't even know - his decision until we get the result of the biospy, about 7/10 days after the tumour is removed. He is having it done under local as he is terrifed of a general anaethestic - a phobia.

Not being able to discuss this with my family up here is hard. I am a bit shaky and they are attributing it to the oncie exam last week and the mammo tomorrow, and I am happy to let them think I that sloppy!!!! 

My brother lives in one of the biggest seaside resorts in England, so we always have a flood of visitors, I had to tell my niece that he won't be able to participate in all of the scary fun they usually do, and the reason. She is, too, swore to silence. And there is a HUGE number of her friends, and her brothers, going down next week. Hugh doesn't want to be treated differently. I felt the same on dx. 

Please send all your love and prayers to my darling brother.

Nets xx

barbe1958

Many prayers sent, Nettie, thanks for giving me a name (Hugh) as I like my prayers to be name-specific.

cloudhowe

Thanks Barbe

Call him Shuggie in your prayers. Or Shugguls - my childhood name for my wee brother.

Talk about a perfect storm? It is 5 years to the day that my elder brother died of this disease. My wee brother is having his tumour removed on the 14th (results within 3 days thereafter, they are pulling out all the stops, thank god) my mammo on the anniversary of Chas' death .. poor boob is hot and sore. Hard too. I keep thinking I cannie say these things, sounds pornographic ...

I just wish this week was over.

It's 3.45am here, I can't sleep and have an early rise for hopital tomorrow. I hope you guys will keep us in you good place and send the best vibes.

Singing off.

Nets xxx

chrissyb

Nets, good thoughts and prayers coming for both you and Shugguls.  Hope all goes well with is op and all goes well with your mamo.  (((((((HUGS)))))))

Love Chrissy

barbe1958

Nettie, I'm holding you in my thoughts today as I go about my business. Your brother, sweet Shugguls is being looked after by my God today, so I will be extra careful when I drive. Please let us know, as your day progresses, how everyone is making out.

Much love,

NancyD

Nettie,  I'm adding my prayers for both your brother and you. I've been sitlent lately, but reading all the while. I hope the results are good for both of you.

Anonymous

Thinking of Nettie and Shugguls...keep us informed dearest!

Thinking of Cathi and the children with much love.

Love to each of you who care so much for each other.

barbe1958

Was hoping to hear some news from afar, or even near.....