please help

lvtwoqlt

Jane congrats on your 2 yr mark, mine is coming up in April.

Update on my mil. She came through her surgery last friday well (just resection not complete colonoscopy) but has not recovered as quickly as they think she should, they thought she would be out of the hospital by tomorrow. She came out of ICU on Sunday and put on 3rd floor of hospital. Monday her BP went up and they couldn't get it down, so she was moved to 4th floor 'heart unit' (close to ICU and able to monitor heart and bp closer). Tuesday morning her BP still wouldn't come down and her hemoglobin levels were down again. They put her back in ICU and gave her 2 units of blood. I saw her last night, her hands were swelled up like balloons and her face was puffy. they still haven't given her anything to eat, only 4 oz water every 4 hours. Don't know exactly what is going on or what the drs are planning to do next. SIL'S won't tell me much or my hubby and he is on the road. I can only get in to see her for 30 minutes in the evening but want to let the sils have their time with her. There are other visiting hours in the ICU during the day, but I am at work. They are taking time off from their jobs to sit at the hospital.

lvtwoqlt

Nancy, I was composing when you were posting. Congrats on 1 yr. At the Arm-n-arm meeting this month we celebrated our new lives and counted our age from dx as the time of our new life. I said 22 months. We had some there that were 10 yrs old and some that were just 4 months old.

Makratz

Congrats to you Nancy!

Ivtwoqlt - I will say a pray for your MIL. 

1Cathi

Nancy I say we deserve to celebrate any day we want too, DX date, treatment dates, Surgery dates,  and I think we should receive FABULOUS wonderful gifts on each of those days,  Hummmm -  I better call the hubby and tell he he better buy a bigger calender to mark off "celebration" dates, I have plenty. LOL

Congrats.  I kind of think the same way as you, not so much about the DX date but the day I actually found the lump, ILC many many times does not present as a lump, I was lucky mine did and it did not show on my mammo , if it were not for my GP insisting on a US the same day, who knows ??????????????????

janb

Hi all -- I visit often but seldom post like Nancy Satuarday is my 1 year date of dx. I read so many things on this site it has been my best source of info and i recommend it to all who face this diagnois. Best to all. This has been a hard week for me trying not to think in the past and how quickly ones life can change but i think everyone no matter what they are faced with can say that. So we all look forward and I can't wait for SPRING. Hugs to everyone Janet

livesstrong

Congrats on your anniversaries.  Jane, don't feel bad, the 19th of this month it was 2 years since my last rad treatment.  I was DONE!!  Now that is something to celebrate.

Sheila- sending positive energy your MIL's way.

 Wasn't today the day our Sue was suppose to go to the doctors???  OH SUE - YOUHOO - ARE YOU THERE?

ae

my3girls

Congrats to everybody celebrating anniversary's!  Mine is a week from tomorrow..2 yrs from dx!

Sheila..sorry to hear your mil is not doing so well. Why won't your sil's give you more info? I hope she is doing better very soon.

Why have we not heard from our Sue???

Love to all my WONDERFUL SISTERS here!!

xoxo

Lisa

my3girls

I forgot to tell you ladies...I saw my PS today before work. My tattoo, faded quite a bit. He said, the machine was new for them, so some of it was more than likely their doing..since they were getting used to it. Anyhow..they scheduled me next Monday to have it done again.  I just can't believe what a difference having that done makes when I look in the mirror. It's like...complete.

lvtwoqlt

Lisa, He was adopted into the family and the 2 girls are the biological children of MIL. She has always played favorites to her daughters but fusses when DH mentions his biological family. She said that she was the one to raise him not his bio parents. Remember the story of Cinderella and the way the step mother and step sisters treated her, that is kind of the way they treat my dh and me. It seems that they are calling the cousins before they call DH and they expect him to call me with info but if he doesn't know, how can he tell me? He called the hospital Tuesday evening and got to the ICU nurses station and rather than the nurse giving him any update, she put him into the ICU waiting room but his sisters weren't there so no info.

Sheila

honeygirl

Hi Ladies and UB! Wow , so many posts , I better post now while I have time. Lisa , sounds like an awesome first date! I knew you would "knock his socks off'! Can't wait till you see him again. I love having a good date. I can't stop smiling! Hope thats you right now!

I do want to say welcome to all the new sisters here! Its nice to see you here. Come back often so I can get to know your names. You know how "chemo brain" is. It may take me awhile!lol

Nets , one down , three more to go! You can do it sister. I hope you are feeling OK. I know I always started feeling better , and then it was time for the next round. But it did go fast for me. Hope it goes fast for you too.

Cheryl , glad you are home. Sorry you have" Dr. Numbnuts" for a ps. There are far to many docs out there for you to have to put up with someone like that for a minute longer. As soon as you feel up to it , start looking for another one. Hope you are feeling better. Sounds like your furbaby really missed you!

Hi Tender!!!! Soooo good to see you here! Its been to long since you have visited us. Happy New Year to you too!xxxxx

Hi Jane! Wow , I can't believe how close some of us were at diagnosis. Its funny , I forgot about mine too. It was 2 yrs Feb. 20th. Hope all is well with you and yours.

Prayers please. Tomorrow , I go for my mammo. 7:30am! Also my sister is going for her mammo and ultra sound. Mantra time , We are fine , we are well...

Sheila , praying for your mil. Hoping too , that the sils will lighten up abit. Sounds like adult women acting like jealous little children. Hang in there. xxxxx

Hi Janet! Welcome , please continue to join in! The more the merrier!

Speaking of joining us , Fumi , we miss you! Ulla you too. There was someone else I thought was MIA , well , all of our sisters we haven't heard from in a while , come say hello!

Karen , how are you honey? Aw , I remember reading your post about tinker's "surprises" she left in the backyard. I say , just leave it! Or put it in the flower beds. And she will be apart of the beautiful flowers in the springtime. When my doggie Ginger died , I saved her "baby teeth". I still have them. Do whatever feels right to you.xxxx

Welcome Makraz! I think you are pretty new here. So good to meet you. Our dx is almost the same. Except my tumor was 2cm. I'm on tamox also. I'm kinda in between computers right now , so I don't get here as often. So I can't remember if you've talked about family and furbabies. Nice to meet you.

Hi Cathi , the pics are soooo cute! I want her sister!!! How adorable they are. And the party pics were to cute. Even the too much wine one!lol I want to come to your next party!

Hi Shirlann , so good to see you here. How is Walt and the fam doing? Hope all is well with you.xxxx

OK Sue , from what I have read , you were suppose to go to the docs today? Did you go Missy? Where are youuuuuu? I hope all is OK. Please check in and let us know.

OK , I've got to run. I'll try to come back later. If not , I will check in tomorrow after the mammo. Love you all , Mel

sueps

    I didnt get the time ... My neice was 7 today and I was invited to her "bun fight" (birthday party)

xxxx  

The cake was nice  

livesstrong

Sue -

AE

sueps

            

sueps

I will go I will go .... oh yes I will go... I just had to go get some birthday cake and a cuddle...lol... far nicer than doctor... he wont give me cuddle !

Makratz

Hi Mel,

No, I don't think we've met before.  So very nice to meet you!  I loved your post, what a great idea to take the dog poop and put it in you garden so you can remember your dog via flowers.  Very creative.  No, I don't have pets, unless you call my boys gerbils pets....yuck!  Someday I will, as soon as the kids move out!

Best of luck to you and your sister on your mamos.  Let us know how they go.

sueps

MEL mantra you will be fine you will be fine you will be fine  ........

Will be thinking of you both xxxx you will be fine you will be fine xxx

Hello Makraz ..... it is lovely to see you again xxx

I must get to bed soon it is gone midnite and I have a nice day off tomorrow wooooooop lol

Much love to every sister xxxxx I am lucky and I love having sisters!!  xxx 

Makratz

Good night Sueps,

I must agree, our sisters here are the best! 

Linda

Ulla

hi super girles,,,,

i know am guilty

and i realy feel so ashamed of all of u..

i hope u all will understand me,,

i just wanted to be away for awhile..

but u never been away from me or out of my thoughts

i just came now to say hello

and to give u all a big hug

and to be honest i was afraid to read anything..

i hope all of u r doing well...

i just cant deal with any bad news as i was so fragile in the last 3 months

but this never made my love to u all lesser than it was

i love u all

and sending my big hugg to all of u

plz feel me hugging u tight

geebung

Nancy, you make a good point - who wants to celebrate the anniversary of such bad news?! However, the way I look at it, they caught it early and from that day a plan was put in place to get bootface out of my body so that's a more positive way of thinking about it. I think survival starts from the day of diagnosis.

Sheila - that's a nice idea you and your friends have about celebrating your new lives. Now, that would make me sound so much younger - I like it! I am so sorry to hear that you MIL is having problems after surgery and I pray that the docs will be able to fix her up very soon. It's very sad about the mean behaviour of your SILs - it's very like Cinderella. I hope they wake up to themselves. It's very sad when these things happen in families and I wish that people could put aside their grievances and live at peace. I speak from personal experience - long story - won't go into it here!

Janet - hi and congrats on one year of new life. Sorry it's been a hard week for you - yes, it can take a long time to accept that this has happend. Even though I nearly forgot my dx anniversay, my life is different now.

AE - that's an even better dx to celebrate - the end of treatment - now that is really something! Please give my best wishes to UB - hope he's doing well.

Lisa, when you have your final tattoo, you will feel beautiful from head to toe (you already are but it will be like having beautiful underwear on that only you know you are wearing...and maybe somebody special...ha!).

Sue, if you go to the doctor on your day off, you might just escape AE's flying monkeys! I hope you have made an appointment!! The bun fight sounds like it was fun...but no more excuses!

Makraz, gerbills are cute but I have never owned on so I can't really say if they would make good pets. I had neighbours last year who had ferrets living in their house and their kids smelled so strongly of ferrets that I had to secretly hold my nose if they got close to me - what a pong! 

Ullllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaa - ullll la la! That sounds a bit French n'est ce pas? So good to see you back! Hope you have been busy enjoying life. I can understand why you wanted to have a break though. Come back whenever you want to.

Must go and do some shopping. Sweet dreams to all those north of the equator! And love to all.

Jane oxoxox 

Mel - as always, you put a smile on my face. I will say a special prayer for your mammos tomorrow morning and chant a few you'll-be-fine mantras. 

dink

Hello ladies, congrats on all of the anniversaries. 

Ulla, nice to see you, hope things are going well.  Shiela I will keep you and Mil in my prayers as well as your husband.  I'm sure he's having a hard time not knowing. 

Cheryl, Sorry about your PS.  Sometimes in the medical field we forget that people have real feelings and and should be treated as people and not just "a source of income".  The two doctor's I work for are truly awesome doctors.  They give their home phone numbers to their patients and their numbers are listed in the phone book.  They will not have any in-services (classes) during the week because our, their, patients come first.  There are other doctor's out there but the main thing is that your doctor "lost face" with the ER doctors.  His patient is bad and he doesn't  want to have to admit this to his colleges.  I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Sue, I hope you are feeling better and will go see the doctor.

Mel, you are a little doll, so thoughtful.

Nancy and Karen, hello to you.  Karen, we have a little pet grave area on our land in MS and each animal through the years were buried in a little pet coffin with their favorite blanket or toy and their graves marked with a homemade grave marker.  So call us weird or call us loving human beings.

Cloudhowe - I hope you are feeling better so about the lymphnodes.

Lisa congrats on the date, how are things now.  I'm glad someone is having some excitement.

I was paying a bill on the phone and was speaking to the service rep and she is 42 years old and was diangosed two days ago with colon cancer.   She shared her story over the phone and started crying a little because her doctor hasn't told her what her treatment will be or anything, she said she is feeling a little lost, scared, and uncertain, and not real sure how to handle ethings let alone how to help her family handle things.  I asked her for permission to let everyone here know and asked if we could pray for her and she said "Please do remember me in your prayers but most of all remember my family and help me to help them.  So I'm asking wash of to remember her and welcome her if she decides to join out site.  I know it's colon cancer but she has no where to turn right now.  I hope this is ok with everyone.

Judy, hello to you.  AE are you doing ok?

Love you all,

Leesa

PS Sorry I type so much but I try to get it all in to last for a few days. lol

portiasproudmom

Well, of course she can join us here, Leesa.  Bootface is bootface, and I think we'd be able to understand her fears and concerns more so than your average person.  I don't know how helpful we'd be as far as answering specific questions regarding treatments and such.  I'll definitely pray for her and her family.  Did you get her name?

Mel, I'm chanting the mantra----you're fine and well, you're fine and well, you're fine and well.  That goes for both you and your sis.  Please check in after your appt.  I'll say extra prayers for you both tonight. 

Ulla!!!  How nice to see you here!  Please continue to stop by every once in a while.  We miss you!

Sheila, I'm sorry your SIL's are being such stinkers.  You and your dh have every right to know what's going on with your MIL.  I hope she's starting to do better.

Congrats to everyone having an anniversary.  I have another five months to go before my two year mark.

Sue, I'm not saying a word, but you know what I'm thinking!  Please don't make AE sick her flying monkeys on you!

Hugs to all,

Karen

Wren

Ulla! So good to hear from you! Thanks for stopping by!

Sue... OK... cake is a good excuse, but maybe you can drop by the doctor on your day off tomorrow???  I know that's not a fun day off either, but... well, you know...

Welcome to all the new friends here. I think of you all every day and hope you are well.

Hugs!

lvtwoqlt

Ulla it is good to hear from you, I can understand about being fragile and not wanting to think about what you have been through. I hope all is going well for you in language school and you are well on your way to practicing dentistry in Sweden.

We showed up last night at the night visiting hours, Donald pulled into the local Hardee's restraunt parking at 8:20 and the last visiting time started at 8:30. He spent a few minutes in with his mom and we went to talk to the oldest sister to see what the doctor had to say yesterday afternoon. She said that he didn't come by when she was there and they don't know what the plans are for mil treatments next. I don't know if they are going to stay today until they see the doctor or what is going on. Fran said weakly last night, that if she wasn't doing any better today, she wanted to be transfered to a larger hospital about 20 miles away today. Her hands were so swelled up with fluid it is pathetic. We asked sil about how were her kidneys functioning and she said she is putting out so they were working. My feelings are that they may be functioning but not at 100% and if they do a dialysis to pull some of the fluid off, she will start to improve.

About the cinderella story, his mom also treats him like the step-mother. She will call him mid week and ask if he can do something for her when he comes in on the weekend, then before the weekend gets here, she gets one of the daughters to do it and not bother to call him and let him know that the job has been done until we show up ready to assist her. That has pissed me off so much in the 12 yrs we have been together, I just try to overlook it but there is no excuse for their behavior.

Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what to do to help this disfunctional family.

Sheila 

Anonymous

In the excitement of hearing from our dear Ulla, I thought about this place. Why do some of us stick around after the crises of diagnosis and treatment. Yes, we want to help. Yes, we find support. Yes, we have to endure the pain of sad news of all kinds. But is that all?

What we have here is salt and pepper. Salty tears interspersed with spice, sometimes pretty hot! (Lisa, are you listening?) We are a miniature slice of life, drawn together by a shared, life-changing experience. We also have sugar and vinegar. Sweet, inspiring thoughts. Intense explosions.

I tried to migrate to a support group for parents of children who died. What I found there was people so absorbed in their own tragedy that they could only taste the salt, spew the vinegar. It was a very large group who never shared silliness, joy, mundane details of everyday life. It was depressing rather than supportive. Back "home" there is a fullness of communication that makes life seem hopeful no matter what happens.

We embrace it all. What a miracle!

I love you guys...

Judie

NancyD

Ulla!! I'm so glad you stopped by. I feel like I'm like hearing from a friend that I haven't seen in a long time. I know you probably don't have time to read all the old posts, but things are good. Best news from me: I've gotten rid of my wig and have my own head of hair growing!

And I completely understand about needing to get away from all this. I sometimes feel like that, too, but then I come up with a question or two, or want to see how a cyber friend is doing. The next thing I know, I'm reading and posting wa-a-ay too much.

Anonymous

Sheila, as one who raised three biological and two adopted children, I can relate to your husband's situation. I can imagine my adopted daughter nodding in agreement. (except for the wicked step-mother, of course.

Integrating an adopted child into a family of biological siblings isn't as easy as one would think. I loved my kids as equally as any parent can. The only difference was the initial bonding. It took a bit longer, but did happen. She was #2 of my first four. The reality is that who we are is a combination of nature and nurture. My daughter had distinct personality differences from the others. Those were not necessarily negative, but made her not fit in easily with the natural flow of things. She and I both had to work a bit harder. As adults, she and the others are not as close. Despite my best intentions and hard work, I couldn't force the kind of relationship we desired.

It sounds like your husband's mother might have been disappointed by the challenges on adopting and integrating him into the family. Her behavior might reflect that. It is wrong. Your husband doesn't deserve it. And, he can't change it. All you can do is accept that she has done the best she was capable of and be grateful that he has been given the gift of a good woman to love (you, of course!).

Oh, geez...I'm waxing way to philosophical today. Better quit.

I'm going to bore you with a poem I wrote for my daughter...I hope I haven't posted it before...memory, you know!

                     TO PATTI AT SIXTEEN

I expected
A vulnerable, enchantingly perfect
Body to snuggle contentedly
In my mother-arms.
Your gangly, bald, scarlet
Coat-hanger-stiff
Form resisted me,
Screaming mother-loss.

I expected
To be fulfilled,
Experiencing the radiant
Joy of nurturing a needy innocent.
You writhed with colic,
Slept only fitfully,
Rejecting my touch
Which needed to comfort.

I expected
Us to bond instantly,
To be mother-daughter paired forever.
We wavered, the two of us,
Between tender, wondrous love
And violent hatred.

I expected
Not to care
About your beginnings.
I found myself wondering
Whose eyes were reflected
In your intense, sober ones.
Whose passion for music
Flamed in you?

I expected that you would be mine,
Belonging to no other.
I desired exclusive possession,
But discovered, my precious
Woman-child, that no human
Owns another.

I learned
That our hard-earned bond,
Our sturdy mother-daughter
Sense, belongs to us.
But the sacred birthing-bond
Belongs to another, whose pure love
Delivered you into my life.

I honor the woman whose body
Nourished you, whose courage
Gave you life, enabling another
To experience the richness,
The pride of being mother
To you, most beloved
Daughter.

copyright 1982 Judie Lundgren

my3girls

OH...Judie...I have chills after reading that!! You are such a gifted person...of many talents!! You are an inspiration to me Judie. I hope you don't mind...I am going to share that with my Alise..she is the one who as you said "courage gave you life, enabling another to experince the richness, the pride of being mother to you."  I have told her over and over what a HUGE sacrifice she made by giving him LIFE and giving him "up" to have such a beautiful wonderful life that he has.  I love you JUDIE!!!  By the way..your earlier post...are you refering to my "so called love life" hot...haha..if you are thanks!  That post was beautiful as well. We are a special group of women. I don't come to this website and get sad or depressed. Of course when I see someone hurting or that a sister has passed...it is devestating. BUT that said...OUR group here...well..as you said Judie....is such a nice mixture of "salt & pepper".  You ladies are like my best friends, my family...and even though I have moved on from my dx..and surgeries etc...I can't move away from you. That is me..that is how I feel.

Ulla...lovely to see you!! I miss you too doll...xoxo to you!

Sheila....I am glad your husband has you!! You are his rock..his angel.

Jane....I know the tatto I do have...I was so excited about...but then it faded so much...so this next one should work out great.  I still will be very shy about anyone seeing my scarred up body...and since the darn libido has left the building..after my hysterectomy...I hope I can even have that special feeling again! This guy is younger...he won't want a dried up old non sexual woman.  I pray about it.

Mel...your words that you sent me...really helped me have the confidence for this date! I love you Mel..that was so sweet. Not sure if I knocked his socks off...but I think he liked me.  We are going to make plans today or tomorrow for another date. His name is Keith by the way...Jim was his confirmation name (catholic thing) anyhow..he took it and started using it. But in business and even his family he still goes by Keith. So, I was teasing him...Keith slash Jim..or whatever your name is...lol..everytime I spoke with him...so he said.."Lisa...call me Keith!" lol.  Mel..what is your cell..pm it to me. I tried to call you after the date..and I must have it wrong..cause it was some weird number, just like when we met for lunch.  Who knows what I did.

Ok..back to work..my manager just came in my office...whoops!

xoxo

Lisa

honeygirl

I AM WELL , I AM FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did have a "stomach in the chest" moment. I went in for my mammo , and the tech said "do you have any moles on your breast"? And , I said no. Well , when I got my top off , in my cleavage , she saw a "skintag" , and said , oh , I better cover that with a marker. I said , oh I'm sorry , I wasn't thinking when you said mole , I was thinking skintags shouldn't matter. Anyway , she took her pics and said go wait to see if they need more. Well , they wanted more! BUT , I knew immediately , that I had forgotten a big one thats under my breast. So she marked it , and thats what they saw. And then I got the tumbs up! OK ladies and UB , I will be back , I must call my sister and see how it went. BBlxxx...

my3girls

WOOHOOOO MEL!!! I knew yours would be just fine!!! I know your sisters will be too!!! love ya MEL!!!

xoxo

Lisa

sueps

YOOOOOO HOOOOOO

 I love you sisters... this space we have here is so cosy ... I feel like I just walked through its front door posting here.... oooopps ...should I have rang the bell or knocked the door first.... are you dressed Lisa ... lol....

Hey I just did a 3 mile power walk wooohooo lol

Anyway Judie YOU ARE ONE SPECIAL SISTER...

I love your posts .... they are truly beautiful xxx

NOOO I didnt go docs... I am feeling better!!! Please dont shout... I am feeling tons better... but thanks for caring and shouting and I would have gone if I still felt grim xxx

Anyway I will go read some posts xxxxx