please help

lvtwoqlt

I am at my sister's house and am able to use her internet. I am going to help her cut out a Santa suit for my father to wear in the Christmas program at Church. My sister is in charge and we are using Santa to explain the true meaning of Christmas in a play she wrote. I am helping with some of the oversized ornaments for the tree. Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We spent last Saturday with my family and my hubby managed to get home by 1:00 pm Thanksgiving day, just in time to make it to his mother's house for late lunch. I made a scruptous strawberry short cake that they go crazy over.

Ulla, glad to hear all went well at the onky and what a great trip, going to Paris for Christmas and the New year.

I don't know how much I will be able to chat the first part of next week at work, I am afraid that I will have quite a few orders to enter tomorrow after being off a week. Sure I worked 4 hours last Tuesday, but not working the rest of the week will leave me with plenty to do on Monday.

Sheila

portiasproudmom

Hi everyone!  Wow, slow day!! 

Sounds like you're having a fun time helping your sister out with her play, Sheila.  I envy you creative types!  I love decorating for the holidays, and I think I pull it off pretty well.  However, it's taken many years of trying different looks and sticking with the ones I like best.

Better run for now.  Chase needs to be picked up from school.

Love and hugs,

Karen

Shirlann

Hi dear sisters,

ULLA, you look so lovely!  Yes, honey, here in California, the only test I ever got after I finished treatment was NOTHING!  I didn't care, I did better not waiting for the results.  I go once a year for a mammogram, (I went every 6 months for 5 years) and that is it.  But we are all in HMO's so the care it minimal.  But it suits me, everyone feels differently, some women are more comfortable with lots of testing, nothing wrong with that, but Dr. Susan Love says, get on with your life, if something comes back, you will know it, don't make cancer your life focus.  Some agree, some don't.

Cathi, pretty girl, start on 1000mg of Vitamin C every day.  I have done this for years and I rarely get anything contagious.  Can't hurt.

Sounds like everyone had a good Thanksgiving, we did, we are starting to pack for our cruise, maybe next year, we can ALL go!  WHOOPEEE, that would be so much fun.

Kaloni, you look darling!

Hugs and kisses to you all, Shirlann 

nowheregirl

Sorry girls, been reading but not up to talking. Guess major "holiday season depression" is kicking in my butt. This time of the year has never been easy for me but especially this year is hard as it's been only two months since I got a broken heart. It's not even on the mend yet, the wound is still raw as heck. Plus having my own birthday too close to Christmas only makes me miserable. Reminds me of how people could care less about me.

               

Just know even when I'm not "visibly" around here, you all are in my thoughts.

          

xo

Fumi

Shirlann

Oh sweetie, you are a birthday girl!  I remember, the 17th???  Right????  I saw your post and jumped back on.

Just know you are loved and cherished by all of us, a true sister.  I wish I was there and we could go out to a lovely place to eat and then just sit and talk about life and all the fun you are going to have soon!

When Marshall was in Tokyo, his Japanese hosts took him to a lovely dinner then to a Karaoke Bar.  He is 6 feet 4 inches and about 270 pounds.  So he got up and sang "Kokomo", the crowd loved it.  He did too.  He was quite a hit.  

Love, love, love you, dear Fumi, Shirlann

1Cathi

Hey Shirlann thanks for the VIT C advise,  I have actually been taking 1500MG daily since March per my Gastro DR. it is a natural "softner" it seems to help that - but not the cold issues.  I called my GP a bit ago (per hubbies insistance because of fever for 2 days),  I will see him Tuesday,  his nurse thinks it is proably the flu, and my resistance is compromised/low because of surgery and the fact that I had a really bad cold just a few weeks before the surgery -  oh yippie.  Not the worst thing though.

Hope it is gone by Saturday,  my company Christmas Dinner is 12/6,  they do it early as there is usually a pretty nice bonus and it helps so many get through the season. 

Ayway back to coughing and nose blowing

XOXOXOXOXOXO -Cathi

Ulla

thanks dear shirlann for the info regarding to the follow-up//

i do agree with NOTHING after all wat we have been passing through...i felt good when he said C U IN NEXT YEAR,,,,

but..i dont know why i feel so depressed today,,,so lonely...so weak(internaly)nothing physicaly just feel like i can be broken for no cause...

strange feelings ...

love u sisters..

thank u sheila for the nice words,,,hope u enjoyed with ur sister...

Shirlann

Ulla, love, you know you have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, so many of us did.  This feeling or feelings are exactly, text book examples of what this disorder is about.  You could write a review.

Now, since no one there will do anything for you, you just have to deal with this yourself.  The first thing you need to know is this is NOT YOU.  These feelings will go away.  Your body and mind have been to hell and back, and I might add, for you, it has been doubly difficult, yanked from your home and family, in a strange, cold country where the people are quite reserved, not like your people, not like Americans.  (we, of course, never know when to shut up or mind our own business).

So knowing that you will get well with no help does help.  Time will cure you.  Meanwhile, what you can do is take a very good B Complex vitamin, (they used to give shots, years ago), but now the pills will work.  They help with the helpless, hopeless feelings.

In addition to all that, as with so many of us, the holidays are a difficult time.  You have done so well, and you ARE WELL.  You have not had this whole thing happen at an easy time, so much upheaval, and sense of loss in your life.  

The feeling of being "tossed to the wolves" by the medical profession is also very common.  You get a lot of up close personal care, people testing, running around, surgeries, chemo, on and on, then, one day, they just say, "BYE".  It is a little frightening.  You wonder if anyone is watching out for you and a million other things.  You are glad to be done, but afraid of not being watched.  This is called a "no win" situation.

All these feelings are perfectly normal, but still difficult to handle.  If those idiots would start you on anti-depressives, this whole time would pass much more peacefully.  Without so much suffering.  But you are a strong, beautiful woman, and you will get through this "after" period.

Hang in there, pretty girl, Shirlann 

Ulla

thank u dear shirlann,,ur words r so theraputic and helpfull to reorganize my thoughts and understanding the cause of these sad feelings..

i even kept the laptop opened hopping to read something from u ..while i was looking in the (active topics)knowing that u alwayes go here and there trying to help our other sisters,,

i am taking B/complex vit..should i double it??may be

thanks again,,,

Ulla

i think that i feel so because when the ONKY examined my mastectomy area he pressed on the lymph node disected area so much,,he caused some pain that i hoped it was just during the examination but it still hurts,,i think i dont like the pain again which make me feel like that,,,

i just started to forget the whole mastectomy and anderarm area and feel that i am ok with the it when his examination remembered me about it again,,..i dont know if u can understand wat i am trying to say,,(there is a huge languages conflikt in my head right now)gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Katiejane

   Ulla,  I don't know if you remember me---I came on this board just a month or so before you. At that time I went by the name Chattie and had just finished chemo after bilateral mastectomy. At that time you were telling me that you weren't going to tell your mother( who was back in your home country) about the diagnosis due to their circumstances with the war.  I have thought about you often and have wondered how you are doing??!!

I understand the feelings you're experiencing and it seems to hit all of us to one degree or another.  You will figure out how to cope and things do get better.  I find the busier I am, the better I fell. I'm also one who needs to keep my mind occupied otherwise I become anxious, sad, and tearful.  Sounds kind of crazy but that's just the way it is.  I hope you are doing well!!!

Katiejane(aka Chattie)

lvtwoqlt

Ulla, When the doctors say come back in a year, we think about all that we have gone through and think, is there nothing else we need to do? It is almost like (even though you don't like going back to the doctor) you think that they are forgetting about you and what you went through to that point. And then he aggraviates the area with the exam making you think that something else is wrong. I can understand the language conflict in your head now, you were raised with Arabic, with English as a second lanugage and now you are studing in Swedish. that would confuse anybody. But you are doing well in all three languages. I am speaking with the universal language of love and understanding.

Sheila

portiasproudmom

Shirlann, Katiejane, and Sheila are right, Ulla.  What you're feeling is absolutely normal given what you've been through.  I'm sure your studies are keeping you busy....and that's a good thing!  My main focus right now is keeping my mom busy so she's not sitting around the house crying all day.  Still, sometimes my mind wanders back to dark places.  It's to be expected.  How can we not think about it after what we've gone through.  Chin up, Ulla!! 

Love and hugs,

Karen

my3girls

Hello sisters!

I finally logged on from my home pc...and wow...I had missed some great photos!  First..Nancy D..your family photo is fantastic. God Bless your father!  What a great pic of you!!! Second...Ulla...darling...those pics of you are fabulous!  You are such a doll!

Karen...I am sorry that your mom is still having such a difficult time. Poor thing.

My bil from Arizona..just flew in..his mom is near here and she is dying.  What a tough thing to go thru. I feel so bad for the family. It's difficult anytime to go through that...but esp. hard during the holidays.

Fumi...honey I hope you are doing better today.  The holidays just aren't so merry for many people. We love you Fumi!!!

Where is our Sue?? How are you baby girl??

I miss our Melody!! I wish she could log onto a computer to tell us hello.  We love you Mel...and miss having your loving spirit around!

Cathi..hope you are feeling better.  I know when I had the infection and bronchitus...it was tough to get over. But doing well now!

Sheila..how did the Santa suit turn out?  My dad dresses up as Santa every Christmas eve...even though the kids are all grown up..except for my newest nephew who is 10 months..he still does it. Goes through all of the grandkids..and they each get a gift. (parents wrap one for him to give). It's a tradition that started almost 30 years ago...and still going strong! At 82..he still makes a good Santa.

I had a nice Thanksgiving and weekend following.  I work Tuesday's through Saturdays. So I worked on the holiday.  On Fri. nt, I went to a shower for Denni's daughter and sil to be. It was at a fabulous reasturant and his whole family was there.  It was great meeting everyone.  They are such a nice family..and were very sweet to me.  Then Sat. night, Dennis took my daughters and my dad out to eat.  This was the first time they met him, except for Olivia.  The night went really well. Good food, and good conversation.  The girls liked him.  They thought he looked so much older than me...and I said..."he is...9 yrs"! haha.  I am in love...and I just love being with him.  It's so nice...and easy....I have never been in such a comfortable easy relationship....HOW NICE!!

Hugs and Kisses to all of you here....back to work!

Lisa

lvtwoqlt

Lisa, we just got the santa suit cut out Sunday and my sister is going to sew it up in her 'spare time', she works 2 jobs, one at a daycare with 3-4 yr olds and part time at Little Caesers pizza.  The suit is an easy to work with cotton and white fleece trim. My dad turned 70 this year and we joked that he didn't need any stuffing to fill the suit out. The Christmas program is December 21 so she has a couple of weeks. I am busy making quilted pocket books/tote bags for the ladies group at church to fill with essentials for the women's abuse shelter home. I have to have 24 by Saturday night (several for the children and most for adults), my mom is assisting me in making them.

Sheila

1Cathi

Back from my GP and the verdit is the Flu, he has me on an antiboitic and cough supressemt W/Codine, he is a great GP,  but if I see him for anything he sends me off to be tested from head-to-toe, today complete, blood work, chest/lung x-ray, he will call if there is anything "odd"

I was just mentioning to someone else, I guess being so sick the past couple days has me a bit depressed I am right there with you Ulla,  I have been thinking about BC alot, and I know it comes from not feeling well,  before all this a headache was a headace, a cold was a cold -  every now and then -  they are "what if's" in the back of my mind-  I really hate that,  does it ever go away 100%. ?????

sueps

Sorry sisters I have bad pains in my head 4 two weeks and now I am very ill with flu and my scar hurts and my head lump is getting bigger. I cant cope at the moment...

 forgive me please dont think I abandoned you  my health is deteriorating lately 

sorry 

Ulla

oh dear sweety sue,,am sorry u feel sick,,have u asked ur dr about the head lump??

plz take care of urself honey

sueps

I just didnt want to worry you ..you have all had enough of me for a year...sorry , I miss you. 

I dont wnat to burnen nor will I. Youare all too special Thankyou

  

Shirlann

Oh my, what will I do with my little darlings, did you not know there was a FLU SHOT?????

Ahem, that is snotty mama, neither of you needed this right now.  I had this same flu in Russia in 1984, I was sooo sick, I have never missed a flu shot since and I never will.  I thought I would die, and in Russia.  I went to the Kirov and had to struggle to sit upright.  Then, the next day, we went to the Hermitage.  I was feverish and sick (it was cold and snowing, Russia in February)  so I went outside to get a little fresh air.

Well, the guards would not let me back in.  Remember, this was the "old" Russia.  Mean as snakes to us.  I guess I looked so pitiful, they let me back in and I finally found our group.  Anyway, I never missed another flu shot.  So the list is:  Flu shot, every year.  SHINGLES SHOT, just one, for now, Hep A and B, because so much of our food is handled by people from strange countries, (Sue's SubWay shop, is not one of these).  So this is just common sense!

Colonoscopy, NOW.  There, you can all print this and get started.   hahahaha

I love you all anyway, hugs, Shirlann

 

PinkLaddy

Hi Sue,

I've never written you but your notes sounded so sad and possibly you need someone there with you. I really hope you are okay and PLEASE let us know on a daily basis that you are still okay.

Jerri

geebung

Sue, you are the reason this thread exists! Please, pleeeeease, don't ever think you shouldn't be here. I miss you when you don't post. Nothing is too bad to post here. We are all here to support each other.

Big, big, hugs

Jane xoxoxox 

Anonymous

Sue, this place can get boring without an occasional dash of "Sue Drama"! Your worries are ours. You can't hide them from us because we are feeling them, too. Spill your guts Dorothy girl!!!

All you flu people will understand. I've not been well, either, but don't know why for sure. It feels like low-grade flu, but has lasted three weeks so far. 

BUT...the nasty insomnia of the past year is GONE!!! I'm taking a break from Femara, which my onc insists doesn't cause insomnia, so I guess it's just magic. I assumed it was life stress all this time. It's so good to sleep again...

Sheila, I've been on the creative bandwagon, too, but not as wonderfully as you and your sister. There must be photos, you know! 

My creative effort was goofy. I had this spa robe that was sooooo soft, but didn't fit but I loved the fabric and couldn't give it away. I decided to cut it up into jammies for Connor. It's kind of feminine, but who cares for jammies. He's obsessed with moose right now, so I put one on the front. Then, late at night, I wondered if I could create a nightcap...

How totally goofy is that!!!??? Oh, well, he loves it.

Ulla, big hugs to you. You are so exhausted by all the physical and emotional stress that it will be a time of ups and downs as you begin to heal. When you are down, say hello to depression and sadness as if it were an old friend who needed your care. Care for it and soon it will be on its way.

Fumi, heartbreak is embedded in my life lately...my own, and now my dear son's. His very first love of great intensity has just ended and he is in sooooo much pain. I send you lots of love and healing.

Lisa, Karen, Shirlann, Jane, Cathi...I want to say more but must end here. I love all of you!

Judie

dink

Hello everyone.

It looks as if I missed alot over the past week or so.  My Thanksgiving was great.  Donnie (my husband) and I sat in the kitchen on Wednesday night and cut up all the onion, celery and anything else that needed to be cut up in order to make Thanksgiving Dinner for Thursday.  This was the first time in a long time that it was only him and I and we laughed, talked about the old times and even where we are now in our lives.  I asked him if it bothered him about me not having nice breasts any more due to the bilateral mastectomies and then the reconstruction, then the MRSA and the removal of the left breast and for once he answered truthfully - yes it bothers me that you have scars and your boobs aren't "perfect" any more but not for myself but for you because you have and are so self conscious and he wasn't sure if I would be able to handle it and he wasn't sure how to help.  It was truly an eye opener and a great night.  The kids and grandkids came over and we laughed and for some reason I was more relaxed than ever.  We put up the Christmas decorations, I watched and supervised. HA! HA! As you guys know, I haven't been feeling real well and I was to have a colonoscopy and my labs were coming back with anemia and low B12 and floate and Positive ANA test.  We I began hurting in my right breast which has aggrevated me since the reconstruction and it had a fluid pocket, etc.  Well, when Saturday rolled around, I told my honey I was going to the doctor - 2 1/2 hours away and he looked at me a realized there was really something wrong.  I got to the doctor's and her partner wass there because once again she was gone on another trip.  The  doctor withdrew 30 cc's of this merky colored fluid which should have been clear as it was from the expander itself.  I had emergency surgery and tthe right expander has now been removed and once again I have a JP in the right breast.  I think I hate that worse than the surgery.  I got out of the hospital today and I received the cold of the year as my reward.  Now with the snotty nose, cough, and generally feeling bad I'm doing better than most.  I'm sorry to hear everyone else has been so ill.  I feel a little blessed that my illness isn't that bad.  I have decided to wait until later next year to have surgery and just get the surgery center off the ground and give my body time to heal.  I think the labs were off due to the infection etc.  Oh the problem was the expander had folded back on it self and the fluid was leaking through the expander and was collecting in the space, tissues and what little muscle I had left.  I am currently taking cipro, I was on vancomycin and had the "red man syndrome" reaction from it and let me tell you that was a funny sight.  I was this bright pink to dark red clor from head to toe.  It happened within a few minutes.  The guy from the kitchen came to pick up my tray and had this scarred look on his face and while stuttering and trying not to trip over his feet and trying not to stare, he politely asked if I needed a doctor or someone to help me.  I told him no and then all of the staff was coming in to look at me so they would know what the side effects of vancomycin can be if given to fast.  It was really funy but scarry at first.  I went straight to work after leaving the hospital and traveling home and my boss made me leave.  I'll be back tomorrow though.  Cathi, I hope you are doing better.  Ulla, I don't know you that well but you are a very beautiful lady.  My sking is so dry now that I hate it and I don't like anyone to touch me - it feels yucky.  Judi, I'm worried about you, you have been feeling ill for a while and I really would like for you to be checked. (Hmmm do I sound like a mom or a nurse?).  Sue,  I thought the head thing might have been an abscess by the way you were describing it but if you're having headaches with it and feeling ill.  I think it's time to put your guard done and go get checked.  I learned from this surgery and my last surgery that I am smarter than other people even if they are MD's when it comes to my body and knowing something is wrong.  IT's kind of strange - I fight for my patients more than I do for myself.  Well, goodnight all and I hope everyone is doing well.

Leesa

geebung

Judie - you have such talent! I love the photo of your darling grandson - he looks sooo cute!

I'm worried about you too and wish you would get checked out by your doctor. You have your own worries and sadness and now the heartbreak of your son's break up. It is so hard to see your loved ones suffer. I would rather something happen to me - any day. I hope you continue to sleep well.

Leesa, it's not fair that you have had to endure all this. As if bc isn't enough. It sounds as though you have a very sweet and loving husband. Good idea to give any surgery a miss for a while. My hopes and prayers that 2009 will treat you better. 

(((Sue))) - I hope you see your doctor soon.  

Love to all

sueps

Dear Sisters

 thankyou for waiting... xxx

I am so sick of being ill!!!  I have never had this kind of flu before ..... I think it is all over the region at the moment...

I am drinking lots of coffee this morning to wake me up as I had only 2 hours sleep and have to go to work for 10 hours.

Judie  does it ache under your arm at times.... I have had a bad ache from the bad side ... it is just very sore ... I wonder if it is because I have been coughing a lot... the whole site hurts more now in general...

I am due to see my doctor at the end of the month...

Connors' P J ' s are absolutely brilliant!!!!  Judie you should make these and sell them to the industry...you are very very talented!!!

I feel so pressured at the moment no time to do anything.... maybe that is not helping.... its always the same in December....

I love you sisters.... xxx 

1Cathi

Hey Shirilann,

Your point is well taken as my GP  my GP VERY NICELY insisted on the Flue shot and Pneumonis shot form here on out, I have never had one, I have never been one to catch colds for real I had been years without even a sniffle, I could be around people sicker than a dog with a cold -and I would catch NOTHING, guess times have changed.

I have already had my colonscopy this year - a real Joy - HA-HA.

Just wanted you to know I'll for sure be doing the Flu shot from here on out.

THANKS -XOXOXOXOXOXO -Cathi

NancyD

All this talk of flu...I'm so lucky that my company offers us free flu shots, and I've gotten it every year. But you know, it only protects you against certain strains, like last year's flu. When the flu mutates, they have to get a sample and make the vaccine against it, and that takes time. So the shots we get now won't protect us from the newest strains. But it's certainly better than nothing!

The holidays are rushing up too quickly! Am I the only one who hasn't done ANY shopping? I can't think of what to get my children. They haven't made lists and I want to do my shopping online, so I have to factor in delivery time. Imagine having to beg for a Christmas list from your kids?

I'm starting to feel more SE's from my AI...more arthritic-like pains than I had pre-BC.  Hey, if that's the worse, I can deal with it.

Back to work. As I predicted, my boss has practically rewritten the review I wrote over the  weekend, so now I have to incorporate her "suggestions". After ten years of this, I've learned not say a word, just nod my head and accept her changes.

Some disappointing news...my company just announced there will be no salary increases for anyone making more than $50,000, which includes me, just barely. Since all my costs are going up (health insurance, life insurance, commuting costs), I will be getting less take home pay beginning January 1. In this area of the country, with the financial industry in turmoil, I guess I do feel lucky to have a job, but sheesh, I think they set the bar too low on the cut-off for raises.

lvtwoqlt

Shirlann, I have gotten my flu shot every year for the past 15 yrs - free where I work and have not had any flu since then. I still get sinus infections sometimes when the weather changes but so far this season I have avoided it. (my sinus infections settle in my chest with bronchitis). I have not had a colonscopy yet, it has not been suggested by my gp yet.

Sue, we do miss you when you don't post for several days.

Connor's pj's are adorable. My grandmother got a fleece long robe several years ago for Christmas but didn't need it a the retirement home and wouldn't wear it. My mom cut it off and put a zipper in it for a jacket for my grandmother to wear. John said that he wants some of the fleece lounge pants to wear this winter at the house and I am going to make him some for Christmas. Sewing is therapy for me but I was at my mom's last night and she was sewing on her old treadle machine and I do miss the rhythmic thump of the foot pedal pushing the wheel while sewing. Yes my mom still sews on a treadle and I gave mine to my cousin to learn how to sew after I bought a new electric portable machine.

Sheila

Ulla

hi dear sisters..

a quick pop in to say  i love u so much...

then back to study,,,ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ps,,forgive me for the misspelling with C and k as they r written in different way in swedish ,,so i started to be lost between english and swedish now,,sigh...

i old my teacher hat this swedish languge is better to be called( SWENGLISH )as it is so similar to it in many ways,,,she laughed so much wen i said so,,,,