please help

my3girls

Ulla, my oc did not want to put me on them either, but I told her I really felt I needed them.  You should tell your doctor about your past suicide attempt, and that you feel very strongly that you need them right now. Tell him all that you have shared with us.  They need to give a perscription!

Ulla

OH LISA ..IT SEEMS THAT WE POST IN THE SAME MINUTE..

I HOPE I CAN COM TO U IN SEPTEMBER ..BUT CANT C THAT HAPPEN FOR SO MANY REASONS ..ONE OF THEM IS THE MEDICAL INSSURANCE..

ANYWAY ..EVEN IF I AM NOT ABLE TO COME AND MEET U ,,I REALLYT FEEL THAT I HAVE MET U AND CAN U C HOW CLOSE R WE TO EACH OTHER ,,U KNOW ABOUT ME MORE THAN ANYONE OF MY BLOOD RELATIVES OR MY FAMILY OR EVEN MY DH,,WE R SISTERS ,,AND THIS REALLY MEANS SO MUCH TO ME..MUCH MORE THAN U EVER CAN IMAGINE..

my3girls

Ulla, Honey I am going to bed now. Very tired and I get up very early. Please try and get some sleep. If you have something, take it so that you can get some rest. I have prayed for you and your family, but I will again before I fall asleep. I love you! xoxo Lisa Goodnight AE!

livesstrong

Ulla - if they won't give you anything, why not try some herbal supplements?  You can find a ton of stuff on line for hormones.

Good night Lisa. 

Ulla

OH DEAR LISA..PLZ GO AND SLEEP..I KNOW THAT U WILL BE WITH ME ...AND I STILL HAVE AE WITH ME TOO..

OH GOD I WISH I CAN STOP TYPING ..I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO KEEP WRITING ALL THE NIGHT ...OK OK OK ...SHUT UP ULLA ...I WILL GO AND TAKE THOSE PILLS THAT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE ZOMBIES..HOPING THEY WILL HELP ME TO GET SOME SLEEP...

LOVE U LISA

Ulla

LIKE WAT AE?I HAVE NO CLUE AT ALL ABOUT THAT??

GOD I NEED SOMEONE TO CALM ME DOWN,,I CANT STOP TYPING AND TALKING ....

livesstrong

Ulla - take the pills, but only what you are suppose to - you need to sleep.

You never told us - how did you meet your DH? 

Ulla

OH ..THIS IS A VERY NICE,ROMANTIC STORY TO BE TOLD..

I WOULD LOVE TO TELL IT TO U IF U LIKE TO HEAR IT NOW AND DONT FEEL SLEEPY..

livesstrong

Just type in menopause or hormone supplements and you should be able to find something.

livesstrong

tell me. but take your pill first.

Shirlann

Ulla, love, do you take any anti-depressants?  You might consider them.  You should not be dwelling on so many sad things.  You need to get to a better frame of mind.  You worry me.  I, too have considered suicide.  It is very scary.  I am so sorry about your family and your friend.  I feel that sadness from these things is something we all must share the burden for.

But the ones of us lucky enough to have this God given gift of life, can feel better in so many ways.  I have 3 children, two in Tanzania, and one in the Phillipines that I support, it is not much, but they all 3 can afford school, they get health care and a little money for their families.  It is very little, but in my mind, do what you can.  If every one of us did what little thing we could, lives would be better.  My one little boy in Tanzania, I asked that they buy him a goat.  Well, in the last 2 years she has had 3 babies.  I also bought the family a rooster and a hen, now they have flock of chickens!  I get pictures from them and it is such a blessing.  It is a grandma and Richard and his sister Jennifer, their mom died in childbirth and the baby she bore soon after.  But in this tiny little way, my heart lifts when I see their smiling faces, such a blessing.   It is so little, but there are 750,000 children, worldwide, in this program, and when I feel hopeless, I get out their pictures and it heals my heart, for at least 3 families in this world, I can make a difference.  So if there is a charity, or a church food distribution center, or an old folks home, give something of yourself.  We cannot solve it all, but if each one of us who is able does just a little, we can make a difference.  Our church says, anything is wonderful, "Time, treasure or talent", and we all have one of these.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Ulla

IN 16TH JUNE 1997 I WAS WORKING AS A TRAINNING DENTIST I WAS IN A VISIT TO THE MAIN GOVERNMENTAL HEALTH BUILDING FOR SOME ADMINISTRATIONAL WORK,,I HAD ONE MAN WHO WAS WORKING IN THERE WHO IS A RELATIVE OF MY MOTHER ..I NEEDED HIS HELP TO GET ME A GOOD PLACE NEAR THE HOME TO WORK IN,,IN THAT DAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM ,,WEN I ARRIVED HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO BE DONE FOR ONE OF HIS FRIENDS ,,AND HE CAN TAKE ME WITH HIM IF I DONT MIND NOT TO POSTPOND MY APPOINTMENT WITH HIM TO ANOTHER DAY..SO I AGREED TO GO WITH HIM TO FINISH WAT HE NEEDS TO DO FOR HIS FRIEND THEN TO DO WAT WAS NEEDED FOR ME..

WE WENT OUT THE BUILDING TO THE PARKING ..WHERE I SAW A MIDDLE AGED MAN SITTING IN A VERY NEW ,EXPENSIVE CAR WAITING FOR MY RELATIVE TO SHOW UP..

HE INTRODUCED US TO EACH OTHER ,,BUT MY FIRST IMPRESSION WAS NOT SO GOOD ,,I FELT HIM SO EROGANT AND SHOWING OFF,,HAPPY WITH BEING RICH AND DRIVING THIS CAR..WHILE THE SITUATIONS IN IRAQ WAS SO BAD IN THESE DAYS..I KNEW THEN FROM THIER TALKING THAT HE IS A VERY WELL-KNOWN BUSSINESSMAN WORKING IN EXPORT-IMPORT TRADE..AND THAT HE JUST NEEDED MY RELATIVE HELP IN SOME HEALTH TESTS FOR HIS GOODS IN THE PORT..

MY RELATIVE LEFT ME WITH HIM AFTER (DH LATER)REFUSED TO GO WITH MY RELATIVE TO FINISH WAT HE CAME FOR...THAT WAT HE TOLD ME AFTER WE MARRIED..LOL

WE SIT IN THE CAR AS IT WAS SO HOT IN THESE DAYS ..I DONT KNOW HOWLONG TIME WE TALKED AND TALKED BE4 MY RELATIVE CAME BACK AFTER HE FINISHED  HIS WORK FOR (DH)

WITH A POSATIVE DECSSION ABOUT HIS GOODS ..

SO DH SUGGESTED TO HAVE LUNCH FOR THIS HAPPY NEWS..

I AGREED AND IT WAS A VERY NICE LUNCH ..HE ASKED FOR MY PHONE NO.AND KET GETTING CLOSER DAY BY DAY,,,HE PROPSED 6 MOTHS LATER TO THAT BUT I WAS SO AFARID OF TAKING SUCH DECISSION,,I WAS SO YOUNG AND HE WAS 15 YEARS OLDER THAN ME ..SO I DECIDED TO GO ON WITH MY CARRER AND FINISH MY SERVICE IN THE URBAN AREAS BE4 I CAN DECIDED WHICH TOOK ABOUT 2 YEARS ,,HE PROPSED AGAIN,,I COULDNT MAKE A DECISSION AGAIN,,I JUST FEEL AFARID OF BEING MARRIED ,,WE KEPT MEET EACH OTHER AND TALK ON PHONE BUT DIDNT NEVER HAD SEX OR EVEN TOUCH EACH OTHER ,,TRADITIONS R SO DIFFERENT FORM WAT U HAVE,,,

THAT CONTINUED ANOTHER 2 YEARS ,,,I DONT KNOW WAT EXACTLY I WAS WAITING FOR ,,I GUESS I WAS JUST NOT READY AS HE WAS,,THEN THE WAR OF 2003 HE WAS INFORCED TO TAKE HIS SISTERS AND PARENTS OUT OF IRAQ TO SYRIA WHEN MY FAMILY DECIDED TO STAY IN BAGHDAD AND NOT TO LEAVE ANY WHERE ,,IN THOSE DAYS I DECIDED THAT IF I MADE IT AND STILL ALIVE THE 1ST THING I WILL DO IS TO MARRY HIM,,AND THAT WAT HAPPENED EXACTLY..HE COULDNT STAY OUT OF IRAQ WHILE I WAS THERE ALL THE WAR DAYS,,HE CAME BACK TO BAGHDAD IN 11 APRIL JUST 2 DAYS AFTER THE WAR ENDED..AND WEN WE MET IN 12TH OF APRIL 2003 WE HUGGED EACH OTHER FOR THE 1ST TIME SINCE WE MET EACH OTHER AT ALL..I FELT THAT HE IS MY MAN,,..SO WE GOT MARRIED ONCE THE CIVIAL AUTHORITIES STARTED TO WORK AGAIN AFTER THE WAR..I THINK THAT WE WERE AMONG FEW COUPLES WHO MARRIED IN THOSE DAYS ,,,

I REGRET EVERY HOUR I SPEND IT AWAY FROM HIM SINCE THEN..

I HOPE U LIKE OUR STORY

livesstrong

Ulla honey, it is getting late here - I will stick around a few more minutes - but I have to hit the sack.  I have to be up at 5:00am tomorrow.

Just remember, you are never alone - if we aren't here - go to another thread where some other ladies are.

AE 

livesstrong

We posted at the same time - hahahaha - can't wait to read your story.

Ulla

OH DEAR SHIRLANN,

I KNOW EXACTLY WAT U R TRYING TO TELL ME ..I ENJOYED THE HAPPINESS OF GIVING EVERYTIME I CAN ..

I DO HAVE CONTINOUSE PAYMENT (I AM STILL HAVING SOME SORT OF SALLERY FROM MY WORK IN IRAQ)AND MY MOTHER HELP ME TO GIVE IT TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS IT EVERYMONTH..SO I HAVE THAT LIL SUM OF MONEY EVRY MONTH TO BE GIVEN TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN REAL NEED TO IT...

LIFE IS SO HARD THERE..AND THANK GOD  HAVE MY DH TOO WHO USED TO DUBBLE MY SUM OF MONEY FOR ME AND GIVE IT TO MOM TO BE ABLE TO DO MORE FOR THE PPL WHO R IN REAL NEED,,I LOVE TO FEEL THAT I AM A HELP FOR SOMEONE EVEN IF MY HELP IS SO LIL ,,ITS JUST ALL WAT I CAN DO AND I WISH I CAN DO MORE EVRYTIME,,I EVEN BUY SOME CLOTHS FROM HERE AND SEND IT TO MOM SO SHE CAN GIVE IT TO GIRLS AND YOUNG LADIES WHO R IN NEED TO THEM AS THEY CANT AFFORD BUYING THEM ..IT REALLY GOOD FOR THE HEART TO SHARE WAT U HAVE ,,,IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER AND MORE USEFULL..

I LOVE U SISTERS

Ulla

DEAR AE ..I STARTED TO FEEL SLEEPY LIL IT NOW ..I WILL TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP AS I DIDNT SLEEP FOR ABOUT 40 HOUR NOW,,,I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR UR IDEA ABOUT MY LOVE STORY..IT MIGHT BE JUST AN ORDINARY STORY ,,BUT I CANT TELL ALL THE DETAILS THAT TOOK 5 YEARS OF MY LIFE BE4 I WAS ABLE TO DECIDE AMND MARRY THE MAN OF MY LIFE

MUCH LOVE AND HAVE A NICE SLEEP....

livesstrong

Oh, Ulla - what a beautiful story - you waited till it felt right, he waited because he knew it was important to you.  True Love!!  Your life could definitely be made into a movie - JUST LIKE GONE WITH THE WIND!!!  Now I know why you like that movie so much. lol

I can't even imagine what it was like being in Baghdad during the war.   

Ulla

OK AE THIS IS A VERY LONG STORY I WOULD TELL IT TO U ANOTHER TIME ..

I FEEL SO OLD AS I HAVE SO MUCH STORIES TO TELL..

SO MANY EVENTS AND MANY TO SHARE

HAVE A NICE SLEEP NOW AND REMEMBER ME TO TELL U THE STORY OF WAR DAYS SOMETIME LATER...

IT WAS SO FILLED DAYS

livesstrong

40 hours!!!!  OMG!!!!  Are you an Sue in a competion?? lol.   You better go and lay down - you need to get some sleep. missy!!!

livesstrong

I would love to hear your stories - you are a true survivor - in every sense of the word - they should make a movie about you!!! 

THE ULLA HAMSA STORY!!!!

Love ya girlfriend, now try and get some rest - dream about that wonderful DH of yours  and the wonderful life the two of you have to look forward to.

Good night,

AE 

Ulla

I WILL AE I SURE WILL ..HAVE A NICE SLEEP MAM...

MUCH LOVE (ITHE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I FEEL REALLY BETTER AFTER I TALKED THAT LONG )IT SEEMS THAT I NEEDED TO TALK SO MUCH TO GET EVERYTHING OUT ,,TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN..

MUCH LOVE

Anonymous

Hey, AE and Lisa...wait for me!!! I'm coming too, doggone it. Besides, I'm half Swedish...you need me!  

I'm back.  

Thanks for the cuddly companions, AE. I feel like I've horned in on Ulla's thread. My comments about being lonely were to let her know that I can feel this with her, not to get support for myself. I'm ok, truly.

Lisa, like you, I have children and family who love me and would do anything for me. I am currently living with my eldest. He and his wife are dealing with the difficulties of culture and a household that includes his mother and her mother and father. There is no time or energy for conversation or just "hanging out", and can anyone ever truly comprehend the fears and craziness we feel as we deal with bootface? Therefore, the loneliness, the isolation. In reality, I am deeply blessed and shamefully ungrateful AND it's wonderful to be able to have a place to express things I can't share with anyone else. Thanks.

My dear Ulla, again there is deep understanding. Sometimes there seems no way to continue living when life hands you something you don't want and can't control. I'm so glad you "failed" in leaving this world.

If you tell your doctors you are feeling suicidal, I think they will consider antidepressants more willingly. You have been doing the things that fight depression. Exercise has been found to be even better than drugs in most situations, and you have been doing that. You want to run away from this horrible world, so run. Put on your running shoes and run (or walk) until you are so tired you have no energy left to think about harming yourself. I know, easier said than done.

You say that everything is so strange for you there. I hear you! I was just thinking today that I have all my possessions, a room and bathroom of my own, I have carefully organized my things, yet something is wrong. I am living out of context. Yes, everything is here and normal, but it's normal in the wrong place. If I had freely chosen to come to this place because I wanted to, this feeling would not exist. Does that make any sense at all?

I hope you have been able to unwind a bit. Remember, you got horrible news from home. You will be in a state of shock and disbelief for a while. You will get to the other side of it. The only thing you have to do right now is breathe. The rest is optional. Have patience. You deserve to live even when others suffer and die. Why? Because it is not your time. You have more to do. Worthiness has nothing to do with it.

Love,

Judie 

Anonymous

Oh, my goodness!!! I wrote a note when I returned from dinner, but didn't see the last page, so was responding to "old news."

Ulla, what a delightful love story. You expressed it very well...I could see you sitting in the car talking for so long, waiting, then finally realizing how you loved him. I love genuine love stories!

You have lived through difficult times. Add me to the list of people very interested in your stories. You are a courageous woman.

I hope you are sleeping peacefully...

Judie 

portiasproudmom

I was finally able to get back on and check to make sure Ulla was okay.  Thank you Lisa, AE, Shirlann, and Judie for taking such good care of her and letting her talk it out. 

I loved your story, Ulla.  How wonderfully romantic.  It really should be made into a movie.  Can't wait to hear the wartime stories you spoke of. 

I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend in Baghdad.  What a shock it must have been for you.  So tragic and senseless.

I hope everyone is sleeping peacefully.  I'm off to bed too.

Love and hugs,

Karen

livesstrong

Just checking in to see if dear Ulla posted.  I hope she is sleeping soundly.

Judy - you have such a beautiful ways with words, you could be a writer.  And yes, I understand completely about "living out of context".  But mine is only one sided - living with bootface.

Well I'm off to work.

Have a great day everyone.

AE

geebung

Lisa - it is late and I am nearly asleep but I just had to send big hugs of congratulation to you for your benign results. That is just great news! I'm so happy for you.

Ulla, I feel sad for you sweet one - so sorry about the dreadful news of your neighbours. The other ladies are very wise here and I agree with them - please try to think of better things and please try to convinve your doctor to give you some antidepressants. After all you have been through I think you need a little bit of help just to get you through these dark times. I wish I could be there with you to hug you and make you feel better.

Judie - thank you for your truly beautiful poem. It was so genuine and from the heart and I loved it. 

My brain is closing up with tiredness. Hugs and love to everybody.

Jane xxxxx 

lvtwoqlt

Ulla, I am saddened at the loss of your friend and her mother. Your story of how you met your husband is amazing. On of my friends has been to Baghdad twice with the National Guard and she has told me some of what happened when she was there.

Lisa, congrats on the b9 results.

Judie, your poem was beautiful. My dh was adopted as a 3 yr old because his mother left his father with the two boys (3 yr old and 2 yr old). Social Services did not let the family members have custody and they split up the two boys. They have since been reunited with their biological families and with each other.

Did anyone watch the series that was on PBS this week about life on an Air Craft Carrier while on the 6 month deployment? I watched about half of the 10 episodes and last night they showed the ship going home, I was crying with some of the people's stories that were told. My mom is ordering the DVD so we can see what it is like for John on the Cruiser.

Love to everyone.

Sheila

Ulla

dear sisters

thanks alot for all ur support and kindness to deal with my deep sadness and depression last night,,specially ae and lisa and judie..

i wouldnt be able to pass the crisis of last night if they werent with me all that sad time,,

i wokeup 2 hrs ago..thought that i need something to eat,,so..i made a BBQ party for myself in my balkoney..the weather is so nice and sunny today,,i am tying not to think about my friend ,,just trying to keep myself busy in anything even if it was making a fire to grill,,can u believe that

i feel sleepy again and i feel like i want to run and hide on my bed under covers,,,thanks shirlann ,,karen,,jane,,shila,and evryone o my sisters,,,

u all mean the whole world for me

much love

Wren

Ulla,

I'm so sad to hear about your friend and her mother. I am not surprised that has left you feeling a deep sadness. Your friend was so young to die. I think she is an angel watching over you now.

Your love story about how you met your DH is so romantic. It sounds like it could be a very good movie too. You have the most interesting life!

Please try to see the sunshine in the day! I know it's hard because I struggle with feeling that deep sadness sometimes too.

I'm glad we can all be here to help each other through the rough times. We are not alone.

Thank goodness!

Anonymous

Im so sorry I wasnt here to help you last night Ulla...Im so saddened by your news......but enough of that ok????

It is a bright sunny day for you.....try to go out and feel the sun on your skin, take a walk....are the flowers beginning to bloom there????

Our sisters here are so amazing arent they??? There is ALWAYS unconditional love here in this group of wonderful ladies and that is what drew me to this thread to begin with....Im so happy I joined.....

I have been really really busy with work and so havent posted much but I do try read daily to keep up with you chatty ladies....

Hugs to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jule