Starting Chemo in June 2005

danahollis

Happy New Year's Eve!

I sure miss you all. I really need to check in here more often!

Jo... belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes to you!
Nancy... you hair looks FABULOUS!
NoSurrender... you still da best!
Bev... thanks again for the email!
Liz... I hope the Rads continue well for you. Try to just take it easy... LOL!
Kim... sending you lots of positive thoughts... (as well as the rest of you girls!)
Brenda... keep on dancin' with Ned... but make sure to share him with the rest of us!
Jenster... you are beautiful and loved... no matter how you look on the outside!
Scout... good luck with the planting!

My hysterectomy went well. (I decided to keep my ovaries (they looked healthy)... I was ER/PR neg. and I HATE this early menopause!) I was in the hospital for less than 24 hours! I was up and going to the bathroom about 3 or 4 hours after surgery. Mostly... I needed Ibuprofen for a few days but at first I took something a little stronger!

Interesting thing... my surgeon was VERY hesitant about doing my surgery because my WBC count is STILL very low. Apparently the Chemo and Rads really threw me off and even though I finished Nov. 8... I still haven't recovered. She made me promise to take it easy and stay away from crowds.

I actually FEEL great though despit the immune suppression.

Ok... here's my latest deal. I cannot stop feelin' myself up... LOL!... ya know the Bad Boob side! I am constantly feeling the incision and I have scared myself MANY times into thinking my lumpiness is growing. Logically I don't think it is. I have quite a bit of scar tissue there and it does bother me. I touch it so much I think I've made it more tender than it should be.

Sigh... why is there ALWAYS something to freak me out!

On a really cool, totally awesome not... if you didn't know it... I am a scrapbooker. It's one of my hobbies and I've been able to do it more lately. Well, I submitted a Layout that MIGHT get included in a new book called Reality Scrapbooking. I just bit the bullet and created a page with my BALD picture... GASP!... and I think they loved it. I sure hope so anyway. I so want to share it with you all... I think you'd really like it!

Anyway, I sure hope you all have a great evening whatever you do! 2006 is gonna be our year Junies!

I love you all so much... you mean more to me than you know!

Many hugs,
Dana

JoMac

Hooray....Dana you did it. Hooray , Hooray (insert Kermit the frog voice here).
First of all congratulations on the scrap book page. I'll bet it is lovely and I think it would add great gravity to a book. Not in a sad way but in a realistic...this is real life way.
I too keep feeling and imagining.
Last night my normally responsible daughter did a really stupid thing. I can't even tell you what. She is safe but the result was my being up all night not knowing where she was or with who. (We gave her a cell phone for christmas so she could have called anytime).
I am so mad at her. it totally took my mind off cancer. However I think my response was more over the top because I do worry more than ever and worrying about her and my own self is too much worrying for one Jo to do.
The only positive thing I can say about the whole experience is that unlike in the summer when I just was not available on so many levels. I Am BACK BABY!
I rolled my mothering sleeves up and we got busy.
Whew!
I am certain she will never leave me up in the air like that again.
I realized today that although cell phones are supposed to give us more security because we can call people and they can reach us they actually create less security if someone has one and you know they do and they don't use it to give you the information you need. I was convinced she had beeen abducted by seven this morning.
Ugh! It was so very very not O.K.

Analemma

Jo, did you try calling her when you were worried? I am SO glad to have all sons, I think the worry factor is WASY lower! They're all big strong assertive men that I'd like to have looking after me in a scary place, so I didn't really worry about much except car accidents... the youngest is 22 and living at home, and often takes a cab home if he has been drinking. Then I have to take him to get his car the next day - happily!!!

Dana, I also fret about lumpy tissue in the surgery breast. At me 6 month checkup my surgeon reassured me that any time you have surgery there is a lot of lumpy scar tissue. Still, I'd be more reassured if she would just do my monthly breast exam! I still feel a little soreness where the incisions were, and wonder how long that will last.

Jo, when I went to the ortho about my knee, I also complained about my hands. What I thought was plain old arthritis is called "trigger finger", where the tendon controlling the finger movement gets stuck in the tunnel it travels through across the hand. So, I'm seeing a hand surgeon next month. This is something I've had flare ups of on and off for years, but it's much worse now. Apparently a cortisone shot in the hand helps a lot, so maybe I'll try it.

I've started taking maitake mushroom extract. I have been reading about it and Sloan Kettering + Cornell are doing a Phase I clinical trial for its use in breast cancer treatment. I don't want to wait ten years or so for it to be made a part of the treatment protocol, so I found the actual product they are using and ordered it. In animal studies it had a 69% success rate in reducing breast cancer tumors, and prevented metastasis in a high number of cases. Of all cancer, breast cancer is the one it's most effective on. I guess I'm just wishing I had more "magic bullets" now that treatment is over for me, being triple negative. If any of you are interested, PM me and I will send the web site.

I am in love with my hair! It's dark below with frosted silver tips, and thick! It's almost and inch and a half long, just long enough to grab with a fist, which I do constantly! It would look very chic if I had a thin face and prominent cheekbones, but by the time I lose the 30 pounds that will take, the hair will be a couple of inches longer!

My DH is redoing my basement pottery studio. It's so dark and drpressing, I have trouble getting motivated to go down there. So, he's painting the walls a bright yellow, and adding a drop ceiling to reflect the light. We'll put in the "daybright" tubes into the fluorescent fixtures. He's awesome! Every morning he rubs and kisses my head and says to me, "You're going to be OK." I told him he has to say that every day, and eventually I'll believe it.

Happy 2006 everyone! This is going to be a good year, I just know it!

Watson

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

NO MORE SICKS IN 2006!

p.s. Jo, I have a daugther the same age, first year of college right? They get so used to coming and going on their own terms that they forget that it's the responsible thing to do to let parents know where they're gonna be while staying at your house. Been there!

danahollis

Hi chicks... just thought I'd stop in and check on ya again.

Happy New Year, Watson! Love it... NO MORE SICKS IN 2006!

Happy New Year to the rest of ya'll!!!

I'll be back...

nosurrender

Happy New year girls!
Dana I am glad you are ok! we were worried about ya!!!

JoMac

Yes, Watson my daughter is home for her first break from college as a Freshman.
The dust has settled here.
I have finally caught up on my lack of sleep from her "grand night out". I am glad I am not alone in being the parent of a kid who totally flaked out.

Today I entered a contest that Brenda might be interested in .It is about artists and their transformations through illness. You can check it out at www.vsarts.org

It felt good to work on a project today. It kept me busy.
The rest of the week looms. Hopefully I will paint something.

kimBe

Am so refreshed reading your posts....I sometimes think that my DD's coping mechanism is to be totally irresponsible but school started today so vacation is over and she will return to normal. I kept thinking on New Years that is seems almost unreal that I was diagnosed, surgery, chemo and doing well all in less than a year---for months it seemed like time was dragging but when I look forward to this year it is hard to believe how fast "breast cancer patient" flew by. And we were with friends on NY eve that had lost a child in an accident and another couple who just before Thanksgiving took over the care of 3 grandchildren, the oldest 4 years old so I am thankful for illness that has a very good chance of being treated.
KimB

Analemma

Oh, Kim, so true. Life is just so BIG! There's so much despair and pain, but also, so much hope and joy. So much potential, for either!

LizFL

Dana...good to hear from you and glad your are recovering well from the surgery in spite of the low counts.



Had treatment #11 today...24 to go! Burning and itching a bit and having some problems swallowing due to irritation to my esophagus...but at least this is going quickly.



Jo...been there done that...so glad daughter is ok, but know how awful the worry can be. Hopefully she learned from this and won't do it to you again.



We've come a long way ladies!



PS...Jen..know you must be really busy getting ready to move, but hope you check in to say hello...we miss you!



Liz

NancyM

Hi, I hope you all are doing well! Nothing new to report except that I will be going to see my son and grandson in a couple of weeks! I'm SO HAPPY!! I haven't seen them since July. Now Mike will be able to see his mom looking healthy - with real hair this time! And I get to see that fabulous grandson (he's SO DARN CUTE!!)
~ can't wait ~ can't wait ~ can't wait ~ can't wait ~

My mammo is less than 48 hours away. I'm still kind of nervous, but I can't feel the lump anymore. New symptom - occasional rib pain. *sigh* What do you want to bet I won't feel any pain when I'm with my grandson? Magic paranoia cure! LOL!

Jenster

Nancy - I love your hair! I hope you have a fantabulous time with your grandson! Oh, and you're son, too. But especially your grandson. lol. Next weekend I'm taking my kids and my parents to Weatherford, TX to see my newest great-nephew and I can't wait. Not quite the same thing as a grandson, but still some magic there.

Jo - good luck with that art contest. Brenda? You gonna do it too??

Dana - glad everything is going well for you. )

Liz - thanks for thinking of me! I've been here nearly every day reading, but haven't had the energy or the gumption to type anything. lol. I've been busting my butt getting this place ready for listing. If things go the way they're supposed to we'll be listing next Monday. I'll be glad to relax for a few days after that, maybe do nothing but read a book from cover to cover.

When I get up in the morning I feel good and have energy and get going on the house. By the time late afternoon rolls around I'm so exhausted, almost to the point of tears. I think this is harder on me emotionally than any part of my treatment was. I dealt with the separation while I was going through chemo with the thought that when it was over, we'd be together as a family again. Well, I'm done with chemo. And now we're in the middle of trying to sell this house, talking to movers, talking to lenders, talking to realtors here and there, looking at houses on-line, blah, blah, blah. I don't really care. I just want to snap my fingers and have all of this taken care of. Anyone have a geenie they'd like to share??

I guess the upside in all this is that cancer isn't a part of my daily life right now. I take my Tamoxifen every morning and I'm dealing with hot flashes again, but beyond that I don't have time to think about it.

I am planning on starting Weight Watchers next week so I can get rid of this weight I gained during chemo. I know a lot of it is still water, but I don't think I can blame 25 pounds on that!

So who's still writing 2005 on their checks? Anyone still writing 2004?? heehee

LizFL

Nancy...our visit with our granddaughter last month was the best medicine ever! ENJOY!!!!

Jen...so glad things are moving along for you. Getting a house ready for listing is a Herculean task...no wonder you are exhausted. Hope it sells quickly...but not until you have a new house ready!

Have a good weekend everyone...I am really glad it is FRIDAY!!!

Liz

tornadogirl

Hi, I am triple negative also, just finished chemo and going into rads soon. Please send me the mushroom info. I am taking cirumin now but everything we can do will help us. In addition I am going to try a diet with 35 grams of fat a day. This has been proven to lower the reocurrance risk by 50% in triple negatives like us.





Thanks, Barb

Analemma

Jen, I really feel for you. I don't know what I'd do without my husband, just for moral support. Let alone having kids to deal with, and the house to get ready. I'd come over and help if I could!

I'm not going to do the art contest, it seems like it's targeted more on "artsy" art, whereas mine is more functional. I'm not sure how BC has affected it, except made it harder to get motivated to make it! But, I am going to a workshop in Atlanta next month that's about adding detail and decoration to make pots more appealing. Now that is something I need, because I need for these things to go flying off the shelf at shows!

Bubbles, the website is www.maitake.com, and you can link to all sorts of info as well as the Sloan-Kettering site. They are actually looking for people to join the trial, but you have to live near the hospital for monitoring. They are looking for Stage II or III ladies who are at least 3 weeks out of treatment.

My onc. told me when I finished treatment, "There are three things you can do to avoid recurrance - get down to your fighting weight (yeah, right!) exercise, and eat a lowfat diet." So, I've just joined WW (Jen, I gained 25, too, and already was 30 overweight when I started), which goes hand in hand with a low fat diet. And, I'm getting back into a regular Jazzercise schedule. And then I'm also taking the mushroom extract. But, Bubbles, the research I read only showed about a 9% lower recurrance by eating lowfat. Either way, it's significant enough for me!

Here in Cleveland we've now had 21 days with no sunshine. And this in the darkest part of the year - no wonder I'm feeling blue!

NancyM

Hi all,
My mammo was just fine. I guess what I felt was swelling leftover from rads, so no new lump!

Then I saw the rad onc for what I thought was the final follow-up to make sure the skin was healing well. No, he said he also will see me every 4 months and he will order a chest x-ray or CAT scan the next time around. He wants to follow me for 2 years. I guess he told me during the initial consultation, but I was still in chemo-fog at the time and didn't remember. I see the medical onc in March, rad onc in May, med onc again in June, and I have another mammo in July.

So, it's good that I get double the check-ups, but crap....now I'm nervous that the docs feel they need to watch so closely. Are the rest of you on the same kind of schedule? I'm thinking the docs may be more cautious with us triple neg gals, since they can't give us any further treatment, and our initial recurrance rate is higher.

OK - I promise I am not being pessimistic!
GO FIGHT WIN!! RAH!

LizFL

Nancy...I know when I first saw my onc he said after treatment I would be seeing him every 3 months at first then 4-6 months and eventually annually. I forget the exact timetable. I will have a mammogram/ultrasound every 6 months on my left breast (or the one left..whichever way you look at it). The rad/onc didn't say anything about follow up but she doesn't really volunteer any info, although she does take time to answer my questions. I still have 22 treatments to go. I have a better rapport with my onc and I will ask about that when I see him in February. I am ER/PR+.

Liz

Watson

Nancy,
Congrats on the good mammo! It feels good getting good news from that office for once, huh?

I am also triple negative and I have the same follow up schedule that you do. I only have 3 rads under my belt so I don't know about the follow up story there.

Hope you are all having a nice weekend!

Watson

JoMac

I have not been able to post for days and days. I started on a room project. I am making my old studio into a reading room. I wanted to get a comfy chair and ottoman. My daughter and I went shopping and had fun. Then when it came to purchasing something I found I couldn't make up my mind and had huge guilt feelings about spending money right now.
She helped me sort some of it out. I think I am just in a confused state. I don't know what I am doing.
So we did not buy the furniture .
Her words did help me a lot.
I am not used to being confused. I am the kind of person who is very self directed and doesn't flounder much.
I am like a fish out of water these days.
flipping and flopping around not making much sense and not getting anywhere.
I hope this period passes soon.
I want my old personality back.

NancyM

OK, I feel better now. I realize the follow up schedule is typical, and not because they think I have cancer just waiting to appear on the scan. I guess I just had to process that information over the weekend.



Jo, I also feel kind of "fish out of water" sometimes. I have to make myself notes of what I need to get accomplished, or else I sort of drift off and do things that are not important. I'm constantly trying to get organized.



And here I am posting when I should be getting ready for work....



Jen - I hope things are going well on the house - don't wear yourself out!

LizFL

I often feel like I am floating and get easily distracted...not really a problem except when I am at work!

Found out today that instead of the 35 radiation treatments I thought I was going to have...I will only have 25 and 5 boosts! WOO HOO! I have 14 done now, so only 11 regular treatments and the 5 boosts and then I will be DONE!!!!

Liz

JoMac

In stead of floundering I decided to get involved in a project. I am making my old studio into a library/reading room.
It is a project my daughter and I have been working on together. Our first purchase was an enormous mirror. I have never had a full length mirror and I decided it was time to get used to the image of the new me.
Looking in the mirror is "proof" that I am still here. although I don't really recognize the person looking back at me I think over time I will become comfortable with her.
I found some not to expensive furniture at LLBean . We bought an arm chair and ottoman for less than 600 dollars.
Then we started moving in books and moving out years of stuff I don't need any more. It feels good to get rid of some of this stuff.
I think the room will be a nice haven to go into and read.
I also am making myself say "lucky girl" everytime I see myself in the mirror.
I am hoping over time I will start feeling like a lukcy person again instead of a loser.
Is anyone else doing things that are moving them along ...?

rmmom

Jo I understand your fish out of water thing. I thought I was going to get to fill in one day a week at work but then they decided to not use me. I do get to go to the open house at the end of this month so I have job for next fall and unfortunity one the teachers' son in the hospital so I DO get to sub one day this week. But I feel not grounded.
My son went back to school and I miss him so much. He is such a caring good child, his siblings were awful to him. I think son #2 suffers from big time sibling problems, He is just mean mean mean. And daughter pours salt into the wounds on top of that. They act like my mother. Until a few years ago when they started dying off she HATED her brothers and sisters because it meant she got less stuff. She rather have stuff than love. SIGH Now she is better because she realizes death is real and permament.
I got my port out yesterday. They had to put me to partial sleep because it was in there deep-I am so wiped out. I am just waiting to pick up daughter from basketball practice so I can go to sleep again.
Happy New Year to everyone. Don't work to hard Jen:)
Bev

Fi_in_oz

Hi Ladies,

Guess who's going back to work on feb 1. Oh my, I think she's even forgotten what the word income means.

I'm excited.

I only managed 2 taxols, but that's ok. I HAVE done all that I can, the oncologist wouldn't have permitted any more. I even went numb in the face on the 2nd infusion. I'm still stumbling a bit, but she said give it 4-6 weeks more.

I have my first post cancer mammo in may

Thank you ladies, for all your support and kind words through this journey. I will pop back very occasionally as my time will be limited

But know, I wish you all well ....

regards

Fi

Jenster

I've been feeling very much back to normal. Maybe it's because I didn't have radiation. Or maybe it's just because my desire to be reunited with my husband is so great. Whatever it is, I was able to do a deep cleaning from top to bottom of the house without it landing me in bed. And I'm very grateful for it.

We listed the house on Sunday. It's only 9:00 and I'm sitting here willing the phone to ring to schedule the perfect family to come and look at the house and then buy it.

Cancer and treatment seem like a distant memory to me at the moment. I know it will pop up fresh again when I go see my onc in February and especially when I start reconstruction. But I'm very happy to report that mentally, physically and emotionally things are good.

Again - here's to a much better year!

NancyM

Optimism is putting a comb in your purse!

JoMac

That's a good one! Yesterday was my first no hat or beret day .
My hair is coming in quite a bit now. It is all sticking out and going in different directions.
It would look adorable on a three year old.

kimBe

love both comments----and I can relate----if I used a comb no one would be able to tell.
KimB

LizFL

I am finally getting some growth that looks like hair...not enough to go "au naturale", but less scary when I look in the mirror. My daughter didn't have much hair when she was an infant and I used to tape little bows on her head so people would know she was a girl. Now they have those bands the babies wear. Wonder if they have any in our size?

Liz

rmmom

Got to sub today:) It went great! But had to wear wig:(
My eyebrows must look pretty good though, some kid showed me how his could wiggle and we had a laugh when we both did it.
IS anyone else having strange dreams? I have a whole lot of them building up. my grandmother told to to listen to what my dreams are saying like some vision quest. I think I have them figured out but these are strange even for me.
Just wondered?
Bev
PS Looking forward to a comb too-right now I look like that furry material no buys at the fabric store.