Starting Chemo in June 2005

LizFL

Watson...you must have been posting at the same time I was...I know that feeling...sometimes I feel like a total mutilated freak. I get really sick of wig wearing, but don't have the guts to go without. A good night's sleep will put things in a better perspective tomorrow for all of us with the yukies today. After all, we all haven't gotten in touch with our Towandas for nothing!

Liz

Watson

Liz,
Sorry your doc is such a butt head. It makes it nice when you like your doc. That being said, it seems like she's going to extra trouble to make sure you're getting the best treatment.
Maybe you can suffer through her bedside manner and make a voo doo doll of her and poke it with something sharp every day when you get home. Just a thought!

Happy to hear you had fun on your cruise! And if it makes you feel any better, I NEVER lost leg hair. Ain't that a bitch? lol

Watson

Jenster

I never lost any leg hair, either! That was supposed to be one of the "perks" of chemo! Oh well.

I got my scan results a little bit ago. They were good. **whew** I wasn't too concerned, but y'all know. That little niggle in the back of your mind. Especially because I wasn't so concerned about that lump when I went for my mammogram back in April. It wasn't my first lump or my first mammo. And y'all know how that turned out.

RebeccaH

Liz, it seems like all of us are going to have to come to your job and take our hats off. That's what I keep saying the moment before Towanda comes out. Because you *know* if I have to take my hat off to talk to you....well, it ain't gonna be pretty!!!

Love my rad onc today...he said I can have 5 boosts instead of 6, so I'll be done the day before my 20th wedding anniversary. So, I'll keep my hat on for him!!!
I was a little concerned about doing 5 instead of 6, but everyone has reassured me that I'm getting the same amount of total rad, just the daily dose is increased. With my luck, I'll end up a French fry.....

RebeccaH

The hair on my legs thinned, but never completely fell out. I think I shaved three times during chemo. When I was done, and had my teeth cleaned, I was wearing capris, and looked at my legs, and I was STUNNED. Couldn't believe how long those thin hairs were. Man, I hate shaving....Too bad we can't pick our side effects. I'd definitely give up these dang hot flashes.

LizFL

Well I took Towanda to work with me today. Had a heart to heart with the boss and now I have a larger bonus than last year and three additional vacation days. Seems the words "medical leave" are magic. I offered to take medical leave if she felt I couldn't do my job...and suddenly the whole atmosphere changed!

Have an appointment for the remapping on Thursday and will start rads next Monday. Still not real happy with this doctor...but I was referred to her by my oncologist who I have a lot of faith in...so we shall see.

My hot flashes have diminished, but I have very bad skin now...worse than when I was in the teen years...hope that goes away soon! Nails are horrible (fingers and toes), but they will grow out eventually. I do worry that I will be the one person that doesn't have my hair grow back!

Liz

LizFL

Oncologist just called and reassured me that all is ok. He really is the best...calls after hours. He always makes me feel better!

Now I can look forward to my granddaughter's visit. Going to get to see the little adorable one tomorrow. They are coming in from Houston. Can't wait to see her!

Liz

Watson

Liz,
Good for you! Setting them straight at the office AND getting a grandchild visit! Life is good and it seems you have taken charge of yours!

Have a great visit!

Watson

Fi_in_oz

oh ladies, I think I'm going to be the only one to pull out of the "race". Darn it and the finish line was looking so close.

My oncologist thinks tomorrows taxol (2 of 4) is the last she can give me as numbness in my feet is already a problem.

(insert lots of swearing here)

If any of you have any hints for my current unimpressed state of mind, I've posted under the "going through treatment" threads... looking for clues to where she's now hidden my sanity.

Search party participants would be greatly appreciated

Never in the battle of mind games did I anticipate this one

oh well

Fi

tornadogirl

Do what i did, wait one more week and see if your feet are better. Take 30mg of l-glutamine each day, it helps. This is a lot of l-glutamine.

Then ask if your onc can lower the dose of TAXOL or shoot you a few weekly low dose treatments. my onc lowered my dose by 20% and i was able to get the third treatment today. There are many many things they can do, dont give up yet. Get a second opinion or third by another onc. Good luck you can do it.

rmmom

Fi I am sorry you having so much trouble. I understand how you are feeling-because I was in a study I was suppose to have 16 A/C treatments but could only make it through 12(?) I forget- I felt like I let everyone down. Has she given you any other options? I hope things get better for you. You will be in my prayers.

Guess what? I have five o'clock shadow above my eyes and it looks like I am wear eye liner-lashes and brows! I am so happy!
Hope all is well or getter better with everyone
Bev

Fi_in_oz

Bubbles,

thanks, I'll run these options past her, I think her concern is it was so severe so quickly, I remember ringing and checking with a nurse about 3 days after the infusion and her saying "oh you shouldn't have that yet"... now her comment is making sense to me.



She has mentioned the lower dose, but.. now that I'm stewed on this for the night, I think she's quite confident that we've licked this thing already, so why do more suffering.. oh who knows...~Laughing here~

Fi

Fi_in_oz

Bev,

thank you soo much, that's exactly what I was feeling like yesterday, like I'd let down all the people who were there for me convincing me to firstly finish A/C, then have the "break" on rads, then go onto Taxol, they all put so much effort into supporting me.


Congratulations on the 5 oclock shadow, its a great feeling isn't it, and you literally will wake up each morning now and be able to SEE the new growth for the next few weeks, exciting times!!



Oh a brighter note, being up at 5am (from the dexamethasone and worrying not allowing me to sleep) this morning I got to see the most gorgeous crimson sunrise ,
now THAT is a beautiful way to start anyday!

Wishing Happy moments to you all

Fi

RebeccaH

Fi....I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I'll join your ticked off party, and be frustrated with you. My numbness did get better inbetween treatments, but I still have days that my feet are on numb. For the most part, though, it is getting better. I have an aunt who is taking drugs for neuopathy (don't know the kind, though).....I wonder if you could take it?

Liz, congrats to Towanda for getting a bigger bonus and more time off.....did you take your hat off?

LizFL

Fi, don't get too worried...they will find a solution to give you the rest of your treatments. You just reminded me that I have something to be thankful for...no more sleepless nights due to the decadron! That stuff really is awful. At least you are almost done...hang in there!

Well...family was delayed coming in from Houston...their flight was cancelled yesterday since the crew had trouble getting in due to weather. They did get in today. Seeing such a precious child as our granddaughter is a real boost to my spirits. She is just too cute (no prejudice here at all). We put them up at a hotel because I wasn't sure how I would cope with house guests. They are napping now and we will get together for dinner and then go view a nice holiday display put on by Hoffman chocolates.

Got part of my remapping done today. Had a whole bunch of new tatoos, including one on my chin (the tech promised to make that an itty bitty one and she did). Have to go back tomorrow (they probably are devising a torture plan right now!) for more whatever and then start treatments on Monday. They did give me a good time slot though...so I just want to get this show on the road. One tech is super nice...hope she will be a regular! At least today, they drew cute little flowers around the tatoos. This time the room wasn't as cold as last time and I was there for less than an hour.

Liz

Jenster

Bev & Fi - you ladies didn't let anybody down. If your body can't handle something it can't handle it. Though I am sorry that it didn't work quite the way you wanted it to.

Liz - I'm so glad you're getting to see that grandbaby! Enjoy the family.

I saw my oncologist today. I don't go back for two months. I don't know what I'm going to do next week when I don't get to see my leeches, I mean, my lab techs. They really are a fun bunch. Also, I get my port out in two weeks. I was really hoping they'd put me under because I love that drugged up, floaty feeling. lol. But no such luck. Just the local. Oh well.

My husband is coming home on Saturday and will be home until January 2nd! He hasn't been home for two weeks so we're all very excited about that. Maybe since I don't have to see the doctor for a while things will feel a bit more normal around here.

Watson

Okay, I'm an idiot.

I posted earlier today and don't know where it went! And you can bet it was a great post! ha ha

Fi- Bummer about the Taxol. I've read where some women switch to Taxotere because of neuropathy issues. Maybe they can switch or lower your dosage. I feel for you, sweetie! Hang in there!

Bev, jealous of the hair shadows! Mine is still coming in solid white and I think its going to be KINKY. Just picture that chick from the Carol Burnett show on Mama's Family. Not pretty.

Liz, glad your family made it. I live in Houston area and the weather was crazy the other day! They could have floated to Florida quicker than flying! Enjoy your visit!

Jen, Good news about the Hubby. Mine is still in China and due back Monday. He's been gone for six weeks. Just long enough for us to get a new routine for him to mess up! lol

Later,

Watson

rmmom

Jen I don't get my port out until Jan 7. She asked me if I wanted to keep it in! Wondered about that. Plus I go to sleep-wondered about that as well as I have been reading and everyone seems to be local. I asked and she said it was better for me this way. So I get that floating feeling and a day off.
My family is calling SIGH Miss them letting me rest. (Not really I like feeling better more)
Bev

LizFL

Watson and Jen...so glad to hear your husbands will be home over the holidays!

Had more mapping today...so hopefully, I will start rads on Monday...they want to have the doctor review everything before they actually start the radiation. I do not like being used as a drawing board!

Bev...I will not be getting my port out until after radiation...makes me wonder too. Originally my onc said it could come out after chemo. My PET scan was good. He said he felt I should take one thing at a time and get the radiation done first. It doesn't bother me and most of the time I forget it is there...but I do want it out!

Emmy is so cute...we are having a lot of fun with her. Tomorrow we are all going for breakfast with Santa and then to the zoo in the afternoon.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Liz

nosurrender

Golly days- it is so hard to catch up with all of you! I am sorry I have been missing in action- but it IS for a good cause and when things are finalized I will tell you all about it!

I want to wish everyone who had a birthday a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

And I believe many are you are done and/or almost done??? I do believe our Miss Nancy is TOTALLY DONE! YAY!

I am sending out special vibes and prayers for our Jo today- she had her Ooph and I hope she is home and resting.

Darling Fi- you really are being tested aren't you?!

Glutamine powder mixed in juice several times a day helps but I wanted to call to your attention something that came up at the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium last week- they have found that a low dose Taxol given three weeks on and one week off has virtually no side effects except for cumulative fatigue. They also think it works better than the big dose every three weeks. I think because it is tolerated better and fewer women drop out.

My friend is getting weekly taxol right now. And she feels nothing. I keep thinking "if only my June girls heard this they would kill me!" But she has complained of fatigue and some body aches at day 4 and 5 after.

So, you may want to ask about that. And there are some people who switch from Taxol to Taxotere to see if the side effects are less as well.

All of you with families sound so busy and bustling! I don't know how you do it. At least I have Fluffy to spoil- well I think I do- he has his eye on a Calico down the street and I think he is cheating on me!

Love and hugs to my dear Junesterettes!

JoMac

I had my oomph on Friday. I am enjoying the pain killers on a regular basis. I am glad I got it done before Christmas. I am sore but it really is the least of all the things we have had to face over these past few months.
My nurse was a five year BC survivor. That helped a lot. She was beautiful in every sense of the word.
Fi....I hope they find some answers for you.
It does seem like everyday on the "crawl" on CNN there is something about BC. Often it is stuff we already know but it gives me the sense that people are working on a cure for us.
I saw my chemo nurse at the hospital. She was pregnant while I was undeergoing treatment and there she was with her brand new baby. Without the lab coat I didn't recognize her at first.
Seeing that baby did my eyes a world of good.

LizFL

Jo...glad to hear you have the surgery behind you and hope you are feeling better today. Sounds like the nurse was good medicine!

Liz

Fi_in_oz

Just a quick hello to everyone and a thank you for all the support and input, its greatly appreciated, and is keeping me on the key side of the padded wall room door..

Glad to see all the good reports coming in too with the run down to christmas.

I'm getting through these next few days chanting... hurt now, have a nice christmas day.. .. i think my neighbours are concerned i'm getting too much sun?

No Surrender, ~s~ yes its a test and a half alright, and I was a tough cookie before all this journey began, heaven help the world afterwards. I think its more a test of just how stubborn I can be too.... ~muses~

Well girls, it hit me today, this time last year I had breast cancer and didn't know, I had some signs,.. like migranes that wouldn't go away, because the tumour was pressing on a nerve or something and sitting at my office desk all day was irritating it... I found the lump in January.. and the last year is history, and a huge blurr.

I can't wait to find all the treats 2006 is going to have in store for me, I can't wait to get on with my life...

All the best for christmas and the new year to you all

Fondly

Fi

rmmom

My DH noticed my brows and asked me what I had done to my face LOL then he asked if he had hit me in his sleep ! LOL
(He used to run in his sleep when we were first married-had to KICK HIM at night). Poor guy his eye sight is bad LOL But he was SO excited he danced me around the kitchen.
Is anyone else tired? I was feeling so great shopping with oldest DS when suddenly zap nothing-we had to go home. Which he was happy about since he is an exhausted freshman:)
Is it just me or does anyone else (almost) forget how sick we were?? I hope this is a good sign as my chemo-brain has not improved one bit
Bev
PS Dana I am thinking of you. I know your operation is soon. I have funny story about when my mother had her op. She was back in her room in a drug sleep while my nervous father was rambling about a family with actual blue blood that turned their skin blue. Poor mom with all those drugs sat straight up and said "blue blood I never heard of such a thing. Go home." Then she croosed her arms over her chest like a mummy queen and went to sleep for the rest of the day. LOL it was really funny to see.:) Tell everyone you can hear them even if it looks like it you are sleeping. MAny prayers for you
Bev

RebeccaH

What a journey this has been!!! I finished my last rad treatment this morning. Received my diploma from the staff and the gal at the coffee stand gave me a free mocha. Life is good!

As I reflect on the past 8 months, I think about my blessings.
~Tomorrow, I celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary. I am so thankful for a husband who has stood beside me in sickness and in health.
~I'm thankful for all the ladies who have fought this battle, but ended up losing the war. Their sacrifices have paved the path for our survival.
~I'm thankful for a wonderful medical team. My onc's never-failing optimism gave me hope I never knew I had.
~Last but not least, I'm thankful for support group that I have found in our group of Junsterettes. We have laughed together and cried together....but most of all, we've been here for each other. To NS...our mentor, our muse...THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart!

OK, sappy moment is over.
Anyone else looking forward to a cancer free new year?

RebeccaH

Dana, Please check in with us when you get home from the hospital. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

kimBe

Once again-I ejoy reading everyone's posts but either am in a hurry or can think of nothing to reply. I got my port out last Friday which was a very positive event for me---it bugged me---I have lost 25 pounds since April and it seemed like it "stuck out"....I was thinking that my weight was probably about where I wanted to be but then have lost some more so trying to increase calories (not hard to do this time of year). Wishing all of you a very Happy Holiday Season and will try to post more....
KimB

JoMac

Today is Dana's operation day isn't it?
I am five days out from my oomph. My tummy is still sore but I am walking regularly now. Not hunched over.
I am still tired but think I will be much better by the weekend.
I started putting some things into place for 2006. I signed up to see a psychologist and am looking into joinging a cancer support group.
I also want to start yoga or tai Chi.
I think having some of these things scheduled will help me keep my thinking more positive.
I always have my painting and plan to enter some shows.
Since diagnosis I have only painted peonies or my daughters face.
I don't think there is much of a market for either.
They are very personal subjects. So I have to figure out what I am interested in painting now.
My mind is a blank.
So I collected the jigsaw puzzles and started one last night. At least that will keep my hands and mind busy.
The big challenge for me is to find out wether I can heal psychologically by staying in the cancer world (in terms of working on my mind and body health) or take up something new like scrapbooking and find my healing by leaving this all behind.
Since I don't know what will work I will have to try some things until I figure out what does work. My friends and I describe this behavior "bumping into the furniture" until you find your way our of a dark room.
Ooch...my shins will be hurtin....

NancyM

Hi all,

I'm like KimB, I read the posts but have no time to post just then, or else I'm at a loss for words!



I wanted to tell you about my first post-treatment visit. I got the "all clear" from the onc, but that was based only on my lack of symptoms to report and a good CBC. No physical exam, no mammo yet (too soon to be a clear one due to the effect of the rads). So, kind of a let down that I didn't have a really official exam, but then I wouldn't expect them to find anything after having the Drano/Millivolt treatment.



Then, the oncologist gave me a hug! Oh, no, here come the tears!! This is the symbolic ending that means I AM NOT A CANCER PATIENT ANY LONGER! I think you guys know what I was feeling...it was a flood of emotion. I managed to make it to my car before the Big Tears. Then I let 'em rip.



I told my onc about Dancing with NED. He had never heard of it, but he seemed to get a kick out of it.



I work with a reg ed teacher (I do the special ed part) and she gave me a card that said "may your holidays be free from pain." That also choked me up.



Jo, I like how you described the challenge of healing. I really would love to walk away from all of this but maybe it is now integrated into who I am. I think it will be a process.



I don't want to let go of anyone's hands just yet....

LizFL

Day 4 of rads...so far uneventful. I saw a woman in the waiting area today with some new hair growth and remembered Jo's comment about seeing someone whose hair was growing back and she wanted to lick it! I thought this woman looked gorgeous! She had just enough hair to look good without a wig, cap or scarf. I sure hope I get to that point soon!

Nancy, I think you are right in that all we've been through is now a part of who we are. I found it so hard coming back from vacation where I could sort of pretend this had never happened or it was all behind me. Pretty soon the treatment part will be finished for me except for taking Arimidex. I try not to worry about the cancer coming back....but I am aware that is a possibility. I am trying to move on with my life with a new awareness of how much it means to me to be alive and enjoy each day one at a time.

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and we all start 2006 on a very positive note!

Liz