Fuzzy's Romp Room

Cindy, so sorry to hear about your parents.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gma, great photos.  Very calming.  I can almost picture myself there.  Ahhh nature!

Lilly-dont think just drink

I just ate a big piece of chocolate cake

i gave up the white sugar awhile back.not anymore.

Cindy, I feel for you, I know the pressure and heartbreak is incredible.  Before my mom dies, she was in intensive care and my stepdad was admitted two nights later right next to her room.  You are right, they have had aa long life, but it is never easy, of course.  It is so wonderful you made it possible for them to be at home with the family.  My husband's mom and dad were together since 5th grade, literally, friends then dated from HS on, they were mid-80s when she passed.  She died two nights ago.  She did it her way, in her own bed, living will for no more oxygen, son and DIL in PA there for the last days to help, hospice nurse, no fanfare, she even declined a funeral (though we all know that is for the living and we will hold one out here for the family soon).  DFIL is healthy, heartbroken, either he will go soon or jump back into life.  Anyway, your story reminded me, so similar.

Been watching the Brothers and Sisters series like crazy, up to episode 42 of 120. 

A different kind of beauty this morning.. These bucks and family members come visit me for peanuts every morning when the sun comes up.. This picture was the spring of 2011. My DH calls them Buck and Change.  You should see their antlers this year!

Esther -- if "do anything' means what I think it does... then I STRONGLY encourage you to seek some local (face-to-face) support/counceling right away. YES -- you definately are going though a hard time right now -- but God doesn't put more on our plates than we can deal with. You can totally DO this. 

I looked at your meds list you posted on your bio -- and severe depression can be one of the SEs of AIs -- and that can make you feel crazy and awful and sap your energy -- BUT IT ISN'T EVEN REAL -- IT IS THE AFFECT OF THE DRUGS.

Pain is real -- I understand that. Emotional pain and physical pain are both 'real' -- in that you feel them intensely. But when I look back on my whole BC experience of the last 9 months... I realize that 'pain' was probably less than 1% of what I have experienced in the last 270 days -- even with the double mastectomy and all the PT -- (I swear my PT would be a dominatrix dressed in black leather if she weren't a 'medical professional' dressed in white!)

We are similar in age (I am 58) and I have axillary cording (potential precursor to LE) -- so we have some things in common.

I can tell you that this last 2 years (even through my care-taking of my beloved father through his battle with cancer, and living with him for his last month in Hospice -- and then supporting my Mom through all her changes as she learned to stand on her own without him -- and THEN my own dx of BC last May.... and THEN the lumpectomy... and THEN the double mastectomy... (I mean -- really -- that is a lot of fairly traumatic change -- right?) But STILL I can honestly say that these last two years have been the very VERY best of my life.

I have learned that our key to happiness lies within our choices of how to view every situation.

We can learn to diminish our own pain (both emotional and physical) ... just through our own thoughts. 

It's not that real physical symptoms and actual physical pain don't exist -- but we do have the power to lessen the pain and help relieve some of the symptoms through our emotions. And -- we have the choice to accept (relax-into) whatever life presents us -- so we can move forward to the next step and the next step and the next.

Keep going to your own "happy place" -- those glorious photos of the beautiful scenery and the deer... 

Look out that window -- or even better yet -- go sit outside and feel that sun on your face.

Life is good. You know it -- because you obvioulsy have that eye for natural beauty... and love those grandkids!

"Every storm runs out of rain"... you can ride that wave of pain until you reach the shore again.

Again -- a couple of your posts have referenced 'doing something'. These are warning signs that you must heed. The drugs we take can really mess with some people's minds. Once you make that step of "doing something" -- there is no changing your mind later (once you regain your normal thinking).

If "do anything" means what I think it does -- Please call a suicide prevention line, or a therapist, or your doctor -- RIGHT NOW. 

I beleive that we are all energy-beings here on this planet in human-form to experience the opportunity to learn the lessons that move our souls closer to enlightenment -- and God. 

I believe that we have chosen the life we are born into -- chosen our parents, our children, even chosen our bc -- because each is a path to the lessons that we are here to learn. 

If you don't learn the lessons -- the Universe will just present them to you again and again -- each time in a more distilled form -- so it is always the best choice to 'get the lesson NOW' rather than later. I believe that people who 'opt out' of life -- are only brought back again -- and again -- until they finally learn the lesson. But if you 'get' the lesson -- then you get to move forward... with more grace and peace. Each lesson brings us closer to heaven. Each lesson brings us a new more powerful and more comforting understanding of Self and God.

I would be happy to PM you more if you are interested. I know that some people's religious beliefs are in stark contrast to these (very open) ideas... and I don't post them to offend anyone... I actually believe that whatever religious beliefs you hold -- you hold them because you have determined that there-in is your own path to happiness and self worth. 

Anyway -- you have friends here who are 'in your pocket' -- and pulling for you. But we are here and there and all over the place -- and if you have seriously been considering 'doing something' -- then you need someone RIGHT THERE WITH YOU -- face to face -- a professional to help you determine what is going on with you. 

All my best

Linda

I as an astrologer agree with Linda  on one thing....we do pick our parents,our siblings and each and every lesson we have to face is pre determined.

One thing i strongly believe is if you take your life you have to come back and do that same crap all over again.Many times i wanted to throw in the towel but when i think of doin it over the picture changes.

GmaF....im gonna pm you until you are gonna be sorry you asked for that.

We love you and all your pictures..I can actually feel the change in you...Please stay with us so we can lift you up....On all the threads you are on....

be happy.no one is promised tomorrow.

xoxoxo

GRANNY & RANCH DRESSING, I love you two's points of view on what is this life we have, what's the best way to handle it, I just love thoughts on the spirit. 

FOLEY, OMG that picture of you walking home one night is to die for!!!  LOVE IT!!!  And the rack on that deer was really something, and they seemed like extra small animals, too.  Foley, I gotta tell you I have a little crush on you.  You are kind of shy, but you got a great big soul, and I'll bet if you have something important to say, I'll take it to the bank.  Now, I'm married, so when I say "crush," it means you're in my top five of girlfriends.  All thru my schooling years, I always had TWO girlfriends!  Ha!  As if one were not enough!  Right now we got one dog, whereas before we had two.  Well, what with all the meds I take, I have to hollar out to Richard from the couch, "We do just have one dog in the house, don't we?"  "Yes," he says patiently. 

YA'LL, as hard as I try not to think of it, I've always had a cat until our last one who lived 20 years and tore up my arm and hands all the time, wouldn't do one thing I asked, but she LOVED Richard and her fav toy was a little cloth mouse HE gave her that she loved so much, I had to sew the thing up occasionally, so she could keep it.  Well, the first cat I ever had, I keep having stronger and stronger visions of that cat in my house.  I want that same exact cat to snuggle with, and he was more like a dog than a cat because of the Siamese in him.  He was the male offspring of a prize-winning Himalayan cat (crossed with a black & white alley cat), and I did dearly love that cat.  He got run over by a car after just one year of having the pleasure of his company.  But thru all my years of cats, it's hard to get the personality straight, becuz each is diff, and my first one, the one I want now, was so unique and sweet and gentle....  INSTEAD WE GOT A POSSUM INVASION.  SIGH.

I already went thru all that.  We're going to make their lives miserable to they'll go away, put a loud radio on the heating vent, ammonia rags all around, flour to see where their footprints go, clear out the line of brush between our house and the roadway that's higher than our house by about ten feet.  And I'm going to get online some fox pee pellets, their No. 1 enemy, it makes them not want to come into your yard, I'll put it all over the property.  We're afraid these things are going to hurt our dog.  I have never seen such gigantic possums, and believe it or not, I've lived all over this world, and these are the FIRST POSSSUMS I have ever seen.  The pictures of them aqre cute, but I've only seen them ripping into my dog and him killing them, and the racket they make when they slide up and down our heat vents like it was a Disneyland ride.

FUZZY, I am really tuning into you right now, started yesterday, real strong presence, and either something really good or really bad is coming straight at you, so be a little extra careful and don't put too much stock into anything that's not natural... like if a tree falls on your house, THAT you can cry about, but if someone says ANYTHING bad to you, tell them you are dying of cancer (yup, it's okay to play that card) and if they say one more word to you, you'll have your lawyer sue them. 

I came across a picture Richard took of me 20 years ago, and I want so bad to post it, but it's not on the computer.  But my eyes and Fuzzy's eyes got the same beams blasting out of them.  I'll try to scan it here in a minute and add it later.  Love to all, Gail

Today the volcano burst - boil that is on Hubby's shoulder, all the drawing salves paid off, I milked it four an hour and I have to say I did NOT go in to medicine because I do not want to be burned at the stake and because I am not good at blood guts vomit pus infections nada omg.  Told him next time you get one of these fatty cysts that decide to boil out make sure yo grow it on the font of you where you can reach so you can enjoy the mess (he does like that stuff).

Today Hubby fell too, at the farm on walk to the barn with 6 glass qt jars in a tote, one broke, cut him some.  Mostly he is bruised, he does not fall well at all.  So putting humpty back together today. 

Taxes done, going to  business prep person to pull it together on Monday.  Onc at trials on Wed. 

Love the pictures.  Love them.  You are better Esther, we can all feel it.  When I went down it took weeks but I had to keep on doing the things that made me go.  Linda is right, perhaps the SEs of some rxs are a culprit too, even though you do have enough to take you down in spirit and make you hang off the cliff from time to time.   Just keep coming back, it works if we work it, sharing here that is.

Edited to add, Gail, the cat story, I have the same experience with my first skunk.  Pooh was the love of my life, don't tell Hubby, but he does already know it.  All the skunks since have their own personalities but I trust none to lick my ear when they want down (they won't anyway) or snuggle to my heart to sleep at night (they cannot figure out how to escape fast enough) or come running to stomp me and grab my blankies and pull them off me or to try to climb the bed to get to me (we made Pooh stairs up, he used them).  So I know what you mean.  I hope your cat comes to you, would be so fun to have one you connect with once again.

LOVEEssa

Gorgeous......how can anyone say there is no God, when you see something so beautiful.....have a blessed night....hugs my dear friends.....YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS...

Actually Granny, we have room any time you want to visit.

Fuzzy I don't know what is going on but if you are being true to yourself it will work itself out even if it isn't in traditional ways. The resolution may look very different than others think it should but you will know.  Bless you and keep you in that beautiful light. 

Ginger

Well today I feel there is little point - I am tired of aching everywhere, tired of feeling tired all the time, tired of having a headache when I wake up, tired of trying to make myself eat greens or feeling guilty when I don´t, tired of uncertainty and most of all tired of trying to adjust to a body that is not me and NEVER feels normal, not dressed or undressed....

I hurt somewhere ALL the time, I am NEVER out of hurt and pain killers do nothing - its not agonising pain but just enough to nag and draw attention to itself.....

More and more I find myself thinking will it be so bad if cancer grabs me early, when that is not really what I want but I don´t want to be as I am either and death is the only way out......nothing else will bring it to an end - I try to be more positive and live one day at a time but I get so worn down.........

Lily, you are not alone. Believe me! I sure don't know the answer. Maybe someone else does. I came damn near taking handfills of pills a couple days ago. I thought I had gotten through the emotinal BS that was linked to the changes in my life since bc came along, but I ran into another mountain of crap to deal with. This time it is the "I'm a loser, always have been and always will be" crap. I am tired of trying, and basically I refuse to try anymore. I wish I could just give up without that giving up being accompanied by such emotional pain. I am quite literally in hell as it is described in the bible. Yeah, I'm having a fucking blast here. But WTF! I ain't nobody.

Fuzzy!  Finally, some good advice from someone

Sending you the best and greatest thoughts for your event Friday.  Marking it on my calendar.  Can't wait to hear more!

GmaF - I think I missed some posts or something but what has just happened to you that you need a cane and pain pills please?

Wishing you a good day....