chip in and lets tell a story and have fun with it.

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited August 2011

    , "She is LOVELY!"

    Mother puffs up with pride. "What do you need from me?"

    "We need you to tell us the secret of your great youth and vitality," explained the woman.

    "Well, get me a gin and tonic, light me up a smoke, and I will tell all," mom said, "but first fix up poor old Bill here."

    Meanwhile, back in the tent, Jackie suddenly came to her senses. She sat up and cried, "What did you mean, I would be your TENTH wife????"

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited August 2011

     "I meant, Oh Light of my Life," said the Prince, "that you, my esteemed American Goddess"....

     "Oh, cut out the flannel and get on with it!" Jackie snapped,

     "Er, OK...I meant that I have nine other wives...but none as luminous as you!  Each has her own palace, all the money she could wish for and I take turns in pleasuring them when it takes my fancy. It's a pretty good set-up! "

     "Well, that puts a different slant on it, Kirk. We don't often do that in the US, although there are exceptions. Not sure if I could live that way....."

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  • sewingnut
    sewingnut Member Posts: 1,129
    edited August 2011

    Flash forward several years....... we find Jackie pushing  the triplets in a stroller going to pick up the twins from seeing Grandma and Poppa. Thoughts are running through Jackies head.... "What was I thinking when I agreed to be the Prince's wife?"  "I should have known I can't do that luscious sweet wine".  Life sure didn't turn out like she thought it would as she stares at the 10 carat Tiffany diamond on her wedding finger. As she turns the corner she sees out of the corner of her eye....

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited August 2011

    Her old flame from highschool, Jeramy, they were high school sweethearts, he was the captain of the football team and i was the head cheerleader, he looks just as georgous now as he did then, i wonder if he is still married, i fix my hair and put on some lipstick and pretend to bump in to him, oh excuse me miss, i didnt see you,,,

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited August 2011

    "Jeramy, you remember me? It's Jackie, your high school sweatheart."

    "Er, hi Jackie.....you are looking.......um......motherly. And speaking of mothers, how is your mom? I always thought she was hot!" 

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited August 2011

    UHH my mother is married and doing just fine, thanks, well see you later i walk off in a huff and not so happy by his motherly remark to me, jeramy grabs my arm and swings me around, and says im sorry its just im still a little upset at you for dumping me for some other jerk, whats his name, brad? No i say it was Bill and we are no longer together, oh are you married? Well i guess thats a dumb question you have kids. I tell him..

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited August 2011

     As we say here -  "Confused dot com"!!! ( It's on a tv ad.)

     Hope you don't mind me saying that " Bill" is, in fact, Jackie's father!

      "Well, Jeramy. I did marry Kirk Mutiab, an Egyptian Prince, believe-it-or-not, and, foolishly, had 5 kids by him. He had already installed wives 11, 12 and 13 by then, all different nationalities. It was like the erotic version of the United Nations over there. I'd had enough and fled with a nice chunk of money and lots of rubies. Came back home to Kansas...and here I am!"

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited August 2011

    LOL i forgot thanks sarah

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited August 2011

    Jeramy says i have 2 kids of my own, i work for donald trump as his entrepreneur- Sounds like we both did well i have divoriced myself, would you like to go to join me for dinner this evening?

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  • sewingnut
    sewingnut Member Posts: 1,129
    edited August 2011

    Uh,  well..... I would love to except...... The twins tied up the babysitter the last time and I have been blackballed with all the other sitters in the neighborhood.  Could you......

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited August 2011

     come over to my place. I can get Mom and Nemo to come over and help settle the tribe down before you arrive. Just one thing just so you're not too alarmed when you see him - my stepfather is an alien!  He looks a little unusual, being only 4 feet tall, green, with antennas and various probes...but my kids love him! He has a heart of gold too and once saved my Mom and real Dad from a sticky situation. I'll tell you about it sometime. Anyway, here's my address. Come over about 8ish."

     Jeremy looks a little shocked, but says, gamely, " Great, Jackie. See you at 8!"

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited August 2011

    Jackie walked home quickly. What will she wear? What will she make? How can she get the house cleaned up by 8? And how can she subdue her 5 little monsters so Jeremy won't turn around and run for the hills. All these questions rolled through her mind as she opened the front door only to discover her ex, Prince Kirk, sitting at the dining room table playing a game of solitaire.

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited August 2011

    What are you doing here i ask, and how did you get in i didnt give you a key. the prince said i came to take you back, I love you and cant  live without you, well for your information i have a life now and in fact i have a date for this evening so if you would just let yourself out so i can get ready, NO yells the prince i will not allow you to disgrace me like this i will...

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited August 2011

     take you back where you belong - with force if necessary!"

     He grabbed Jackie's arm and began to pull her towards the door. Nemo and Mom rushed in in alarm when they saw what was happening,,,, 

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited August 2011

     there was a confused struggle, which the Prince appeared to be winning, until there was a blinding flash and he keeled over onto the floor. " Is he dead?"  Jackie asked in a terrified voice... 

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited August 2011

    "Why, yes, I believe he is," said Nemo, calming returning his laser blaster to it's holster.

    "Oh, that is just great!" I screamed hysterically. "Besides it being MURDER, how is it going to look to Jeremy when he comes over and sees my dead ex-husband lying on the dining room floor?!"

    Mom gulped down the rest of her martini. "Don't get so excited, dear. I have an idea."

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  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,920
    edited August 2011

    I looked at Mother blankly, wondering with a mounting fear, what this addle-brained woman might have up her sleeve THIS time. But before she could say another word, Kirk suddenly raised up and blurted, "good try Nemo!!" Kirk tore open his gold studded Nehru jacket to reveal a military-issue Level IV bullet-proof vest. "This vest can absorb projectiles fired at a velocity of 878 metres per second!" he gasped weakly. Kirk's ribs were fractured by the laser pellet g-force and he appeared to be in considerable pain, not to mention he was understandably pretty ticked off at everyone in the room. "You are a bunch of lunatics" he shouted, "and if someone would

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited August 2011

     hand me my cell phone - it's in my jacket pocket - I'm going to make a few calls to ensure you never harm me again! You don't mess with Prince Mutiab and get away with it!"

    Understandably, no-one was in a hurry to help him and he struggled to reach the phone himself, Nemo shot out another probe, quick as lightning, and obliterated it to green dust.

    "Right, we've got to act fast", said....

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited August 2011

    mother. "Nemo, can you beam him up to your Mother Ship. Maybe the kids on your planet could use him as a science experiment or something."

    "Your slightest wish is my command, my darling," said Nemo blowing mother a kiss. He trained a beam of green light toward the prince.....

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  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,920
    edited September 2011

    who appeared as if his form was crystallizing and vaporizing - and then suddenly, Kirk was gone!  "Where have you sent him?  Will he be okay?  Will he find happiness or at least an eleventh wife on your planet Nemo?", Jackie, queried nervously.  "Well, Nemo sighed, we will just have to check in on him at a later date to see how he is doing."  "But for now", mother interjected, "it is time for you to

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited September 2011

    get ready for your hot date."

    "Jeremy is just an old friend," I protest.

    "Yeah, right," said mom, "and I am attending the Pope's wedding on Saturday. How about Nemo and I take the kids to Space Aliens for lunch while your 'old friend' is visiting?"

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited September 2011

     "OK, Mom. Thanks. I need a break!"

     Jackie took her time getting ready. She hadn't had a date since the fateful night 6 years ago when she and the Prince got together on Planet X. Hmm, not too bad for an old gal she thought, perusing herself in the mirror. She didn't share her mother's taste in dress, thank God!

     Just then there was a knock on the door....

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited September 2011

     Jackie opened it to find her nosiest neighbour, Vera Van der Graff, standing there...

     Wonder what she wants? The poisonous witch!  Jackie thought to herself.

     "Hi Jackie....had another gentleman caller, have you? I saw him being dropped from a limo - loved his gold jacket! Thing is, I never saw him leave - everything OK?"

     Vera was a shameless busibody, but Jackie was still furious at her questioning...

     " Vera, let me tell you something.....

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  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,920
    edited September 2011

    "That "gentleman" you saw is a prince from a foreign country and he annoyed me so he was beamed up to another galaxy", Jackie said impatiently.  Vera stared with her mouth wide open for a moment and then burst into laughter.  "Oh Jackie", she said, "that is a funny story!  Well,, I better be going."  Vera slithered out the front door and Jackie closed it firmly after her.  But something in Vera's voice...and a look of disbelief in her eyes, told Jackie that Vera was not going to let this one go.  "I don't trust that woman as far as I can throw", Jackie muttered to herself, as she tidied up the apartment.   She then worried what might happen if Prince Muitaib's father caught wind of

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited September 2011

    his son's disappearance. Well, she would have to worry about that later. Now, she had less than 15 minutes to get ready for her old flame. As she started up the stairs, the doorbell rang again. "Good Grief! Who is it now?" she thought. She threw open the door with exasperation and gasped when she saw.....

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited September 2011

     2 very large men, dressed in black suits and shades looming over her front step.

     "Where's da boss?", one of the heavies said  " He said to drop him here, I'm sure. He never come back. Whatch'a done with him, lady?"

     "Errr..." said Jackie, hesitantly...

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited September 2011

     Luckily, just at that moment Jeremy appeared, looking gorgeous. He must have heard what happened as he said "No, I've been here the whole time. I just popped out for this champagne. Nobody else has been here - do you think another man would be here on our date?"

     "Er, guess not - come to think of it, we dropped him on the next block. We'll try there..."

     Phew! Thought Jackie, thank God they're not that bright! She looked at Jeremy and they fell into a delicious kiss. I think things are going to be alright for once, she mused....

     PS - If everyone is sick of this story, I'll finish it off  (well, I'll try to!)  and maybe someone can start another. Or not!

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited September 2011

    All of the sudden, she sees Vera's face peeking in the window.

    "Who is that?" Jeremy asks.

    "Just my nosey neighbor," Jackies replies with irritation. She is about to close the curtains when she sees that the bodyguards have grabbed Vera and are dragging her toward a limo.

    As she watches the struggle, she is shocked to see her ex-father-in-law, the king, step out of the car.

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  • whippetmom
    whippetmom Member Posts: 6,920
    edited September 2011

    King Mutaib [or Muitab?] spoke briefly with a very hysterical Vera for a moment, who kept turning and gesturing towards Jackie's apartment.  The king was soon striding quickly up the walkway, followed by the two bodyguard goons.  Jackie met them at the door.  "WHERE IS MY SON?", King Mutaib bellowed angrily.  "You might be able to throw off my thick-headed staff, but I KNOW YOU AND I KNOW MY SON WAS HERE!"  Jackie trembled, knowing full well that the king had a terrible temper and was known to be violent when provoked.  "I....I....he WAS here..."  "Yes, and your lovely neighbor, what is her name, Reba, or Vera..?...she told me some story about being beamed up to another galaxy or planet, WHICH TELLS ME, the king shouted, that your step-father NEMO is involved somehow and you had better get NEMO here to me IMMEDIATELY! 

    Jackie turned, looked helplessly at Jeremy, who looked as though he was going to be quite ill, and she reached into her purse for

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  • sarah1968uk
    sarah1968uk Member Posts: 580
    edited September 2011

     her cell phone. She called up Nemo who said he was on his way. Meanwhile Jackie said to the King "Look. Let Vera go - she's not an international assasin or anything, just a retired lunch lady who loves to know everyone's business! "

     Vera looked relieved, but spat out at Jackie " You and your family are freaks, Jackie Robinson. I have many powerful friends in this town and I'll make sure that step- father of yours goes back where he came from!  And as for your mother - she is a disgrace!"

     "Go to hell, you hate-filled bitch. You'll fit right in!  Nemo and Mom are worth 100 of you!!!!"  replied Jackie.

    Jeremy looked on in amazement - "Wow, Jackie - you've certainly changed since High School. I love it!" 

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