My mom died..

So will you be finished school after this 2 year program or would you go on to college or university afterwards?

You mentioned that you hate living abroad. Is there a school closer to home that you could attend?

Kate,
That's great that you'd like to get your Masters degree.  You will have so many options available to you in a few years.  Enjoy this time in College, try and make some new friends and that should help with the loneliness.  It is so hard to be far away from what your used to.

HUGS

Linda

Kate-

My heart breaks for you. Losing someone you are very close to does make you feel this way sometimes. You are grieving and that is something you have to go through but you do not have to go through it alone. There are counselors to help you sort through these emotions. I strongly encourage you to call or e-mail Network of Strength (there is an e-mail link on their page), that is what they do. They help family of and patients of breast cancer. 1-800-221-2141 or go on their web site and click e-mail if you do not have the ability to make the phone call. They are trained counselors in this. They are there 24/7 no matter the time of day.

Please call.

I send you hugs from Virginia and I am glad that you are reaching out here. Hopefully you will find that thing in life you are searching to live for. Your mom would want that for you.

Blessings!

Kate,

Have you gotten involved with any clubs or groups at school?  They are a great way to meet people.  It may make you feel better to if you were involved in something.  Do you play any sports?

Linda

KateDa, I've also been watching this thread, concerned about you, and I'm so glad to see you posting more.  I know there are a handful of women on BCO from the UK.  Perhaps one or more of them will eventually find this thread and be able to offer you more or a personal connection, if you're interested.    

Betsy (catwoman50), I noticed that you've been registered on BCO for quite awhile, but this was the first time you've posted.  I just wanted to point that out to KateDa, in case she hadn't noticed.  You obviously felt strongly about reaching out to her.  And I'm so sorry about your Mom.  That must have been overwhelming to lose her when you were still in chemo.  Glad to hear that you're doing well now!    Deanna

My daughter's name is Kate (although we spell it Caity - for Caitlin) and she is about your age - will be 19 in April. She is in her first year of University also.

You have so many things going on, missing your mom, living abroad, my goodness - it must be difficult. I am so sorry. But you can do this,  focus on one day at a time (or if thats to hard some days, work on a few hours at a time) ... I think it has not been too long since your Mom died, and that you have been at school, it takes time to grieve and it takes time to settle in and meet people and feel comfortable. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

I was about 17 when my grandmother died, we were very close, I miss her terribly even now. No one quite understood. I started writing letters to her in a journal, I guess it was like talking to her, sharing what was going on in my life, what I was doing or thinking or what I wanted... and no one else knew, no one else could comment about my "silly ideas". I don't know if she is "with me" but I have come to see her in things around me - daisys and daffidills (they were our favorite flowers), when the early morning sun hits the dew on the grass and it shines or glistens... I remember the things that made her so special to me and try to do the same things (in her honour or memory) for others.

Its not easy, but it does get easier. Remember the good things and know you are loved.

Kate - don't worry about your brother or what others think you should do - do what feels right for you (as long as it does not hurt or harm yourself or any one else!).  If you want to write, or sing, or paint or sit and watch the flowers or cry or yell or pray or do some thing in her honor/memory or meditate or practice yoga or create a statue or take photos or run a marathon whatever - its about you and how you find ways to deal with your feelings and this loss, and it is a big loss. It also doesn't happen over night, it does take time, and you have to give yourself that time. Let yourself feel what ever emotions that come, feel them, acknowledge them  - don't petend they don't exist - but then let them go.  You will always have the memories - the silly things, the happy things, the everyday ordinary things, the special things. You will always have those.  Maybe you can write about those things so years from now you can share with your children - and tell them what a wonderful and amazing and beautiful woman their grandmother (your mother) was. Sometimes it helps to do something physical like walking, swimming, running - it can be a great way to work off the energy that comes from stress and anxiety and saddness.

Remember to take deep breathes, one day at a time. 

Kate,

You should write those letters if it makes you feel better.  It may not be the right thing for your brother, but it could be for you.  Everyone has their won way of dealing with things.  I completely agree with EWB.  Do what it right for you.  When I was frist diagnosed with BC, I wrote pages and pages of not so nice words (LOL), just had to get it out of my system.  It made me feel better.  If writing works for you, then do it!

I hate the cold weather too.  We are now getting a nor'easter on Wednesday, 15 inches of snow. Yuck!  I want some sunshine and a beach!

Hugs,

Linda

You could write just to get it out of your system.  You don't have to analyze everything.  If you think you will, find something else that makes you feel better. 

How do you think your host would feel if she found out you were crying?  Does she/he know your situation? 

Sounds like you have a caring host Kate. Good to hear that he's checking in on you. By the way, you mentioned before that when someone asks you "How are you?" that you always reply "I'm fine, I'm ok". It's ok to be honest and admit to people when you're having a bad day. I know it's hard sometimes to express your feelings and let others know how you're feeling....give people a chance to show you that they care.

Big hugs to you

Mich

glad you're here Kate

Hi Kate,

How are you?  Are you having a busy week?  I'm so happy that it's the weekend.  It's been a long week, sick kids and snow days will do that.  Do  you have any plans for your weekend?

Linda