My mom died..

KateDa

Hi

 i have around 3 weeks left before going home. 

Nothing much at the weekend, just some movies and homework.

Makratz

Wow!! Only 3 more weeks??  You made it!!! YAY for you Kate!  Do you have any plans  for when you go home?  Any work lined up?  You will be back in the states?

Good luck with your homework and have fun watching movies.  Sounds like a relaxing weekend.

KateDa

yeah i'm going up north with my family, and i'm going up the mountain to be a volunteer teaching children.

Makratz

That sounds like a lot of fun.  I went to school for a degree in education and have always loved working with kids.  They keep you laughing!!

I hope you enjoy the time with your family too!

Linda

Kyta

Hi there Kate

You told us a while back that you're Thai....so is 'home' still in Thailand? I've never been, but my sister-in-law has gone several times and loves it.

p.s. I wrote that letter....God-willing it will be many many years before my daughter reads it. Thanks for the advice.

KateDa

Hi,

 My home is always in Thailand:)

 glad to hear you wrote it.

Makratz

I have never been to Thailand, but I bet it's beautiful~!!

How are things going this week with you Kate?

Linda

apple

i have found that helping people has done wonders for my state of mind, thruout my life's challenges.  I hope you find your upcoming activities rewarding and healing. 

KateDa

This week is not so bad, i'm trying not to make it bad. 

My first exam result is coming out tomorrow.

Thinking of mom, she should have been here to know it with me..

Makratz

We are all here to wait for the results with you!!  Please share them with us!!  I will be looking forward to hearing from you.  Best of Luck, I hope you've done well.  Even if you haven't, I am still so proud of you for all that you have accomplished while going through a difficult time.  I KNOW your Mom is proud of you!

Kyta

Hi there Kate

I agree with everything Makraz said...we all wish you well Kate. Let us know your exam results....I've got a good feeling that you did well (fingers and toes are crossed for you!).

Happy to hear you're having a good week...I'm thinking of you:)

KateDa

Hi

i got it 

97% for maths

92% for politics

chrisct

That's AWESOME!!!!   Sending you big ((((((((HUGS)))))))))) in celebration!

Makratz

WOW!!!  You did EXCELLENT!!!!!!  You should be so proud of yourself!!!  I kow I am!!!  I hope you are able to do something special for yourself and CELEBRATE!!!!!

 NICE JOB KATE!!!!

YIPPEE!!!!!!

xoxo

Linda

Kyta

Wow Kate!!!! You must be one very smart young lady. With all that you've been going through, you're still able to pull off 90's....I'm very impressed! I can understand why you're able to get a scholarship with those marks....way to go Kate

I'm also sending a big celebration hug your way

Anonymous

Congratulations Kate.  Those are great scores!  I hope that you're able to enjoy a celebration of your success.  Do you have any plans for the weekend?

apple

way to go Kate.. 

Makratz

Hi Kate,

How are you doing today.  It's the weekend and I thought I would check in and see how it's going for you.  Are you doing anything special this weekend?  Any special plans to celebrate your AWESOME grades?  You did so well!! 

I hope you are having a fun and relaxing weekend.  You deserve it!! Check in and let us know how you are doing.

Know that we are all so proud of you!
XOXO

LInda

Kyta

I'm thinking about you today Kate and wondering what you're up to this weekend.

Mich

apple

a special wish for love on this day Kate.

hope the sun is shining for you.

Kyta

Hi Kate....it's been a few days since we've heard from you. Hoping that means you were too busy with schoolwork and some fun distractions to log in.

I'm leaving Tuesday for a week's holiday, so won't be logging in, but I will continue to think of you :-)

Mich

KateDa

Hi,

 i'm not really busy

just kinda missing her a lot lately, but yeah...i'm trying not to make it worse

Kyta

Hi Kate

So glad to see your post and I'll try to check back in tomorrow before I leave on holiday.

I'm sure there's not a day that goes by that you don't think of your mom and wish she was still with you, or that you could turn back time and relive those precious years you had with her. I just hope you know that those feelings are normal Kate. It's only been a few months now since you lost her. It will take quite awhile longer for this wound to not feel quite 'so fresh'.  I've said it before Kate, but please know that in time, you will be able to look back on the memories of your mom with a smile on your face, rather than with tears and sadness. It will happen....be patient sweety and allow yourself time to grieve and heal.

I do hope this site, and the women who've been sending you hugs and heartfelt good wishes, have given you some comfort Kate. If ever you want to post longer messages and share more information with us about yourself, your interests, your fears, your goals for the future, I know we'd love to be a sounding board for you. Also, if you're not getting much from logging in to this site and want to move on from us, we'd understand and wish you well (but first, please be sure to tell us if ever you're saying goodbye so we don't worry about you!!).

We're all chearing for you Kate. I'm sending a very big cyber-hug to you (((Kate))). take care

Mich

Makratz

Hi Kate,

Mich is right, very good advice.

I do enjoy looking for your posts everyday.  Some days I'm happy to see that you haven't posted. I'm hoping that that means you are busy with your life. On the other hand, I love to see you post, to hear about what you are doing, how you are feeling etc. 

It's okay to miss your Mom.  That's totally normal.  Think about all the happiness that she would want for you, and go on.  I know your Mom is proud of you!  You are doing so well under extremely difficult circumstances.

I hope you are feeling a little better with each passing day this week.  I'll be checking in to see how you are doing.  Please keep us posted (if you want to).

XOXO

Linda

Anonymous

Dearest Kate (do you have a Thai nickname that is a favorite), I am so very proud of you for working hard and achieving the grades that you did, even with a ton of bricks on your shoulders. Did you grow up in a strong Thai culture? I hope you know that your Mom likely has a smile on her lips and a shy twinkle in her eye and is so proud to have you as her daughter. Keep making her proud Kate by always walking and living with great joy. You deserve it. You mentioned that you were going on vaca with some family? Who are you going with? Is anyone close, like a cousin or someone? I could not remember if you are close to your Dad or not. I have spent much time in Thailand-usually on my way to Nepal, Inda or Pakistan (when it was safe). I climbed Everest in 1980 and had gone thru the New Dehli airport that trip-gees was it awful! Thailand is beautiful! I know there are many pressures on you from a cultural standpoint, especially being a young woman and going to school. But you have shown you can make us proud, and most of all, make yourself treasure you for the amazing gifts and talents that you have. If you grew up with a strong Thai family, you know that culturally, there is not an open seat for smart daughters. Isn't someone supposed to be trading oxen and pigs for your hand right now-I am just teasing YOU!! You are a strong independant woman. I could never pass math with anything more than a C grade and I am considered very smart as are the women on this Board. And you were able to bust over a 90 with all of that emotional pressure on you???!!! Horray for you! I hope you take some time to sit quietly and maybe talk to your Mom (I write letters to my Mom and send them up with fire and incence) about your grades and how proud I hope you are of yourself. My mom passed away April 13 and we are coming up on the one-year anniversary of her death. I have not had a chance to really grieve-I was diagnosed with BC just after she passed away. I haven't checked your posts lately, where are you with depression right now? Do you think you can get in with a good counselor to process feelings. There are many women on this Board who are retired therapists and I know we have offered our hand to you to help you in individual counseling on the Board using the PM page. Kate take advantage of this, it is free and will never come along again at this time in your life. Journal each morning and at night about your feelings then pick one person to process the feelings with in PM mode. I think it important that you begin to develope a trusting relationship with another, older woman. I still journal every night to dump all of the pent-up feelings I have from the day. I hate taking them all to bed with me-there is not enough room!  i use women I trust to process feelings and get their counsel. We are a very wise group. I am a retired therapist and would be happy to work with you thru PM's. Take the chance on talking to someone, Kate, you have so much to give and you have shown that you are not only trying, but succeeding and I would love to see you work toward a life that is an incredibly happy life for you. I could not remember if you have any hobbies like photography? Anyway, I blabbering, but from my heart to your heart, I am so very, very proud of you. Namaste SV

Makratz

Hi Kate,

I've been thinking about you today and wanted to check in and see how you are doing.  What's going on with school?  It must be ending soon, I assume.  When are you traveling back home?

I hope you are having a good week.

XOXO

Linda

Makratz

Hi Kate,

It's Friday!  TGIF!!  Do you have any plans for the weekend?  It's going tobe 70 here on Saturday, we haven't seen that in about 6 months!!  I'm so excited.  My husband and I are going to take our motorcycle out for a ride.  I can't wait!

I hope you are having fun.

Linda

phoffa

Good morning Kate, everyone-

I have been reading this thread, just trying to decide when or if I could write something to you.  When I was diagnosed 11 years ago, my daughter was only 5 years old.  She is now only a couple of years younger than you Kate.  When I was going through treatment I wrote Kilie a lot of letters, so she could read them if I left her.  As she reached a milestone, I would throw that letter away, like when she turned 16, or drove by herself for the first time.  I would never read the letters again, and hadn't ever opened any since I had sealed them in their envelopes eleven years ago.  Last night I did the unthinkable and tore open the letter I had written to her for when she was to be going off to college.  I opened it for you Kate.  I want to share with you the thoughts I had for my daughter when she turns 18, of which I am sure your Mom and I now share for you.  It isn't the full letter which I wrote to Kilie, but excerpts from the letter I wrote 11 years ago (word for word):

                                                             *********

What a wonderful day it is for you my love.  Off to a new chapter of your life.  Look at everyday as an adventure and soak it all in.  There is so much to experience and have fun with, so don't waste a single second of this opportunity you have been given.  If you think there is a time you don't "feel me" beside you, it is because I am just a couple of steps ahead clearing the path for you.  It's so bright, your future.

I am sure it was tough saying goodbye to your friends at home.  But the friends you will make in college will last you a lifetime.  Give everyone a chance, you'll see.  They won't replace your old friends, but will give you a richer, deeper feeling.  It's hard to explain, but you will know it as soon as you feel it.

Never forget that I am on your side, baby girl.  You are the light of my life, and light always wins over any darkness, every time.  The night can't keep the sun from shining in the morning, and nothing will keep you from reaching your dreams.  Dare to dream bigger than big, dare to be different, dare to love, and dare to believe.  It's all yours-everything.  Reach out and take it.

                                                              ***********

Kate- It took a lot for me to open that letter and share this with you.  It is now resealed and put away, in case I need it for Kilie.  But something inside me said I needed to do it, and you needed to hear it.  Reach out and dare to dream Kate.  You are allowed to want things for yourself, and for your life to move forward.

much love, and best thoughts-

Patti

Makratz

Patti,

That was so nice of you!  Thanks for sharing, I'm sure Kate will love it.  I can only imagine how difficult it was to write thise letters and then to open one many years later.

As for you, Patti, I hope you continue to be able to tear up each letter as your daughter passes each milestone!  I wish you many, many more years of health and happiness, for both you and your daughter.

XOXO

Linda

Anonymous

Kate, it is a beautiful spring-like day here and my daughter is taking her last final exam of the year this afternoon and moving back from her dorm tomorrow.  We are thrilled to have her home, but we will all have some adjustments to make in our schedules and menus since she and my son have very different food likes and dislikes. 

Transitions can be stressful, so don't be surprised if a mixture of feelings pop up that are different than what you anticipate.  They are part of the experience, and you can handle them.  You have met so many challenges head on this year and come shining through!

Are you enjoying some gentle spring weather after making it through such a difficult winter?  That is one of the good things about a rough winter, we appreciate the warmth and new life of the spring so much more than the years with a mild winter. 

I hope that you are enjoying your last bit of time at school, and are excited about the adventures you will have when you return home.    

Patti, it was brave and generous of you to share that letter.  May you live many, many years after you tear up the last of those letters.