STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Micmel

Artist~ I can understand that part, but i find myself constantly annoyed with stupid things people say. If you have never approached a cancer patient before,then just don't say anything about it. Treat them like they are regular people and let the person guide you to what he or she wants to talk about. Don't say things like "you got this" or "ohhhhh you look so good, oh you have hair back! Yeah I have a mirror I have hair and I thank god everyday for it. Do you !???? And how do YOU know that I have got this, because I don't even know this. I know it's because they care and they don't know what really to say, but I'd rather just have a silent smile or a hand hold (washed hands of course) then to really have the need to talk all the time about my cancer. What about other things? Like how is the weather? How about the pollen? Little small talk that just seems to disappear once you tell someone about the mean cancer. Then all of a sudden you don't care what the weather is like ? Or how bad the pollen is? Yeah we do care about the small things still , even more than you know. ~M~

Oh and Seachain~ I completely agree with your thoughts. i have that same sadness and loss and mourning. You're not alone by any means. It's always there. Always in the front of anything you do, planning future? What's that? Oh another thing I used to do. I'll be sending prayers your way.

Tgirl~ thank you for the prayers and taking the time to read my rant, the sad thing is, it wasn't a rant but a cry out to release some of this pent up tornado of sadness that I am caught in it's never ending swirl. Prayers are coming right back your way. ~M~

bareclaws

And retail clerks, checkers-just shut the F up. I want to shop invisibly, or at least as invisibly as possible. I don't need or want your sympathy, your story or encouragement. Total stranger, I don't need to know that you're praying for me. This, after I went to great trouble to put on makeup, choose a nice outfit, put on earrings, try to look nice. I must look like shit to get unsolicited comments.

Micmel

bare~ Honey, you don't look like shit! I see the looks all the time and I still can't pick out any outfits. I have gained weight from the treatments and am not able to go to the gym anymore that I loved and lived at all week. I have one boob, and that boob isn't small. So it's like this pendulum that swings whenever I move. Like one big eye always watching the clothing I cant wear. I have a bad liver surgery scar that hurts with any kind of button up or zipper pants because it squeezes my mid section whenever I move the wrong way and i am brought to tears in pain yet again. I see those cashiers look at me when I am drenched with sweat from an apocalypse heat flash, that just might melt those who are near me. I see them re coil. As if it's the best time Ive ever had, and want to look like a clown with fuzzy hair and a red face because I'm self combusting. Everyday challenges me to be able to even walk to the bathroom. But I have to force myself, last week I jogged 21 miles. So I'm fighting like hell. People really piss me off. I don't know what has happened to my world I live in. Because basically since diagnosis everything sucks royally. Oh and throw in my mom has been In The hospital for four weeks now. And I have to admit she's not getting better. Now what? Ugh!

bareclaws

Micmel, you're dealing with elderly mother, too?! Mine is 95 and she will outlive me, out of spite. She has dementia but lives in her own home. I haven't said anything to her about my health, even though I show up in a headscarf. She lives in her own world and really wouldn't understand. Fortunately I have a wonderful daughter-in-law who has stepped in to take up the slack (my slack).

Yay for your jogging!! I am back out there on the trail, too, trying to fight the weight gain, the fluid retention and the mental demons and fog. It helps.

Micmel

Bare~it's something that I am just stepping into now. Until she fell, she was pretty good or so I thought! She hides her issues from her husband and rest of what little family we have and I am the only one she confides in. It's difficult. I was never a selfish person. Cancer has made me want to be, because I can try anything and everything I can to feel better, but at the end of the day I still have cancer! It has been a pleasure to meet you as a sister in this horrible way, we are forced to make in this new world. ~M~

tgirl57

micmel

please rant and rave and vent

My problem is I want to fix everything and I can't

My elderly mother has cancer (of course) and I can't fix it, i can't fix my kid and I am tired of growth experiences

I am at the point in my recovery? - where I am struggling with the lack of control - and yeah I know that is not going to get better.

So rant and rave - you are more than entitled because this sucks

Lita57

And the fatigue....I HATE the fatigue.

And the pain....ALL the time now. You guys are lucky you can run. I can barely walk. Gonna trade in the regular walker for one with a seat so I can sit when I have to. Had to buy a used wheelchair too.

I'm only in my 50s, but I feel and look like I'm in my late 80s. The TX have dried and shriveled my skin so much. I don't look or feel like the same person because I am NOT the same person.

And NO, this has NOT made me a better person....it's made me an exhausted person who will die decades b4 she should.

Artista928

All I'm trying to say is it's up to you how you take it. People who never had cancer simply don't know. And some people do like to hear they look good, positive thoughts, etc. Not everyone thinks the same. I always say you can choose glass half full or half empty type of thing. Don't get me wrong, I hated it when I got the you look good when my eyelashes and brows were missing and hair non existent. But I let it go thinking they mean well and just don't know. You're expecting people not in your shoes to get it. I don't really get situations I've never been in and I know sometimes I give advice or comments fully out of the kindness of my heart. And also I know my fam and that's why they don't know. I know them and they are know it alls on everything so not the same as someone who probably is trying to be kind. I try to see good in people unless I know otherwise of them. So all the comments I got I just mumbled thanks and left it at that for strangers. For my bff and bro who are not like my fam, I explained and they get it now. It's cool to rant here. I've had some rants here before but to let it eat you up is plain old not mentally healthy and we are trying to keep are marbles together a lot of the time.

Micmel

Lita~I usually have a lot to say, you are correct it really isn't fair. You have so much joy radiating from all the pictures I have seen and it breaks my heart that you are suffering,as I can hear it in your words. I wish I could take away your pain. If I could I would come there and pick you up on my back and run you anywhere you wanted to go. You have a special place in my prayers and although I don't know you, I really honestly do care a lot and I think of you everyday. Just take the pain pills and rest my dear. Whatever relieves the pain please take it! I am sending all the strength I can muster to your special heart. God bless you honey. 💔💜

Artist~ I can feel your good vibes And I do have days where I feel my glass is half full, and these are the reasons. My wonderful husband, my three children, my best friends, my lovely home,my dogs, some family. I am still fighting with all i have. My husband is a very positive person also, And he says to me. I am choosing to be happy and smile when I am with you, because it's all I need. I have happy days, I have angry days, I have days that I sleep all day because am so fatigued and worn out emotionally and physically that I can barely think straight. I am not saying that I act mean to people who approach me by any means, but I can tell you when I walk away it hurts. There is nothing I can do about it but suck it up. Every now and again I get sick of sucking it up. I do not and cannot see anything good at all in my life, that has gotten better since I've been sucked into this tunnel of hell. Or maybe .... I wish I could be more like you in that arena. So things just wouldnt bother me. At the end of the day, I and i believe that everyone here just try's to do their best day in and day out with a monkey on our back if not knowing how our own health will go. It's a feeling of loss and loss of control. Sometimes that is just a pill that cannot be swallowed, no matter how hard you try.

Prayers all around. ~M~

bcincolorado

What about the "well meaning" person who gives you an "inspirational cancer book" and the person DIES at the end of the book!!! Really???? Did you read what this is about before you gave it to me or pick up the first cancer thing you could find?????

Micmel

Colorado~that is very upsetting, and a perfect example of what I'm talking about with people in general. I realize unless a person actually has it, or has seen it first hand they can't fully understand what we go through. But at least think before you speak, as I did, before I was diagnosed, if I don't know about something first hand I don't offer up anything or give my opinion because I respect that persons boundaries. If they want to bring it up I would always listen, now that I am on the other side of things this time,. I notice everything on a different level,some people are just clueless and really have no business asking anything. One time my x-mother in law said to me. "Are you going to make it?" Oh wait please hold , I have to consult my crystal ball be right back. I just wanted to scream. I felt like I had already gone. At that moment! It still bothers me to this day, right along with my oncologist flat out saying. "Someday cancer will take your life" BAM! " i of course can't say when, and our stats are years old,but you need to know the possible statistics,but remember you are young and strong and everyone is different". Well I realized now , I never got past , the someday cancer will end up taking your life. The rest was accompanied by an inner buzzing in my ears that blocked out the understanding of the words being said, but could hear someone talking to me. A very difficult out of body moment. I am sorry that someone gave you a book like that, I am sorry at the fear or pain that book caused you. I try one day at a time. Today I only saw six people stare at me, maybe next week it will be five. Holding everyone close in prayer. ~M~

Lita57

I hope this rant doesn't upset anyone, but I have to let it out:

I get a little peeved when people say, "Don't go by the statistics." For bone mets, they say avg is 5-7 years, but if you have organ mets on top of bone, chop that avg back to 3-4 years.

I attend another cancer support group, and it's a good thing "D" (to respect their privacy, no full names) didn't go by the above statistics. She died FOUR months after Dx. It's a good thing "G" didn't go by the statistics. He died SIX months after Dx. And it's a good thing "L" didn't go by the statistics: Dx'd Jan. 2016 and dead by Sept. 2016 - a little less than NINE months. These 3 people from group all went in 2016....less than 1 year.

"V" upheld the stats by passing on at about 3.5 years after Dx, and I think "S" was right around 4 years. And people say the stats are "outdated"? PUHHLEEEEZE!!!

Yes, there are women out there who do indeed go beyond the 5-7 year mark for bone mets, but what about D, G, AND L? I guess they didn't get the memo. (Oops, forgot my former co-worker's wife "T," a little less than 4 yrs for her, and DH's co-worker's son "K Jr." died from cancer at about 2.5 - 3 yrs.) I could list more, but you can see the number pattern here.

So the people who buy the farm at say 7 or 8 years after Dx are balanced out by the people who go in less than a year. It's simple math, a straight MEAN avg, not a Mode or Median avg. And for the people I've kept track of, that mean avg has proven to be pretty much true. (No, I am not the DEATH CENSUS TAKER, but you better believe I'm keeping an eye on this as a gauge for my own possible trajectory.) My RO tells me that averages are taken from numbers on a spectrum. He says not to give up hope. I could be one of the outlying 5-7 yrs people. Then again, maybe I won't be.

I've made it past the one year mark. Big whoopdedoo! It's been a year of sheer hell. I try to be positive, but sometimes I have to be realistic about my situation. I can't walk distances any more. I can't bend over any more, I can't - - no, I'll stop now. Yes, I try to be a beacon of joy for those around me cuz i don't want to totally bring them down, but inside, I'm bitter and dejected. All the trips I won't be able to take and stuff I can't do any more. Europe? Nope, not in my condition. I don't have the stamina. I'll be lucky if I can make it to Hawaii in six months. My MO doesn't even want to discuss how to prep for the trip. She says to wait until we're closer to the date. (Remember D and G? Good thing they didn't plan any trips!)

But people try to console me, "You're not D,G, or L." But that's no comfort.

My life is now dictated by trying to keep Mr. Cancer at bay....rads, infusions, bi-weekly blood draws, MO appts., scans, and pills, endless pills....Pills to fight the cancer, pills to fight the se's from the pills that fight the cancer, pills to deal with the intractable nerve and bone pain, pills to take a shit, pills to stop taking shits...

And canes, walkers, wheelchairs, and special bed bars to grab hold of so I wont give myself another compression fracture when I try to roll over in bed. This will continue to BE my life for as long as I have left.

Metastatic BC avg. life expectancy: 3-4 years.

I'm really not sure I want to live like this for another 2-3 years.

I have to sign off now cuz my eyes get REALLY, REALLY blurry after looking at a screen or even reading a damn book for more than 15-20 minutes. So I can't even do that anymore. (Yes, I use Rx eye drops to boot. It still doesn't help.)

And so I merely try to live hour by hour now because the days are starting to feel like weeks. I keep a smile on my face. It's all I can do to keep from falling into an abyss of total despair and hopelessness.

One hour closer to you, Jesus. One day closer to going home to You.

Micmel

lita~ that is why I always hated visiting my onc. It brings me such anxiety and sometimes I think it's just a prepared speech I'm hearing. Yes I am not everyone else, but overall like you said, statistics are what they are. I hate your pain, I hate your nerve pain, I hate your cancer, I hate the thought of you suffering hour by hour. I know you ended your post with one day close to going home to Jesus, I would never want you to suffer one minute and it 💔 My heart. I have also been out a year and three months from diagnosis, and I felt the same way oh big deal a year of hell and being forced into something I didn't agree too. I know in the back of my mind, that I can't take what he tells me to the bank. I can understand how living like that for a year would take the fight right out of someone. I have cried so much I think my tear ducts are on strike. You are so much in my prayers, I wish that I could take away your pain and fears and anything to make you feel better. Basically, these days I hate everyone and everything! I don't enjoy feeling that way, but I share the bitterness and you are in my heart and in my prayers more than words can ever express.
~M~

Lita57

NOW I'M REALLY GOING TO GO ON A TEAR!!!

How dare Scott Baio just "assume" that Erin Moran died of a drug overdose? Why do people assume the worst based on a person's past struggles? Now it's as if he's saying, "Well, Erin...since you drank and did drugs, that's why you got cancer and died."

Baloney!

Erin came down with Stage IV cancer on one of her tonsils which metastasized to other organs. She didn't even get six months. She didn't want anyone else to know about it. She was on a feeding tube and died holding her husband's hand in her sleep. She couldn't eat or speak anymore, but she still texted her friends up until the day she passed.

Oh, that we could all go that peacefully.

L

Artista928

Scott Bao is an ass. He likes Trump. That should give a clue on his sensitivity. I was pissed too. I see he tried to backpedal a bit but too late.

Micmel

I am going to focus on praying for Erin and her dear husband, what a traumatic thing to have to go through not to mention, the attention that surrounds this poor woman's passing. It's really no one else's business , I just pray she rests in peace, like I pray for all of us to continue to fight forward and try our best each day to find something to smile about. Keeping everyone close in prayer ~M~

Fotheringay

Lita,

Is there no way you can go to Hawaii sooner? It sounds like you need Hawaii NOW!

It hurts so much to read what a terrible time you are having. I'm just a newbie, but you reached out to me early on when I was flipping out, and had many wise and kind things to say. I've read many of your posts since, and I have always seen a voice with intelligence, humor, grace, and kindness, even when scared and in pain.

Mine was caught at an early stage, but I am acutely aware that it might boomerang back one day, even more virulent, like it has for so many others. I'm never going to feel like I have been "cured"; I know it may have just been held, temporarily, at bay. I know what my personal odds of a recurrence are.

Please rant all you need to. We are here to listen and witness and validate how you feel.

(((hugs)))

Carrie

Fotheringay

So I had a lousy day.

I haven't gotten a single disability payment from Aetna this month; they were sending me letters on their website that I wasn't aware of concerning documentation they wanted. Now I'm chasing three providers to get documents into them so I can pay my bills next month. Of course, they are going to need time to "review" once they have all of them, and try to deny my claim.

On the way to a 4:30 physical therapy appointment a couple of towns over, my car died in the middle of a major intersection as I attempted to make a left hand turn. I could get my car to travel at about 1 mph to make it through through the intersection, as cars honked at me and people angrily flipped the bird at me. Did I mention it was pouring down raining, and cold? I had on lightweight gym clothing on, as we were going to attempt to start some sort of exercise program for me today.

I finally got my creeping car to the side of the road before it died altogether (the car is 13 years old). I called AAA, and they said it would take an hour to get someone out to tow me back to a local shop. A nice man DID stop to make sure I was OK, and it was the first time I didn't panic when I saw the blue lights of a police car pull up behind me, also checking to make sure I was OK. My heart was pounding with anxiety, and I was getting colder by the minute. Hoping my cell phone had enough charge so I could talk myself down with a friend. I'm flipping out over what I'm going to do if my junker really IS dead, and I don't have employment income, and can't get a car loan, or even a home equity loan to buy a new one. Go begging to my brother for a co-sign- at MY age? Wow, how I have fallen on the socioeconomic scale of Life.

After the expected hour at the side of the road, I got out of the car so the tow guy (again, very nice) could do his thing. I got soaked. I felt like a Looney Tunes character who gets the tar beat out of him, and then the little storm cloud appears, and dumps buckets of water on him.

I'm hoping it's not something outrageously expensive, because it makes no sense to dump a lot of money into a rusty car already held together with chewing gum and rubber bands, which I've already dumped too much money into over the past few months. I had intended to buy a new car before I got my dx. Of course. (I was planning a graduation trip to Scotland with my DD this summer, too, but you can imagine what happened to those plans.) I do have an emergency fund, but if I liquidate THAT, i really have no liquid assets, period. And things COULD get worse. So that stays.

Keeping my fingers crossed it's nothing lethal for the car... .I need a drink, except I don't drink any more.

Carrie

Lita57

Fother, I wrote a rant 4 u, but lost the whole frigging thing because that's the internet. Just know Im praying for u. (Couldn't retrieve it)

Worst day ever 4 u, but it will get Better!

Micmel

fother~ contact the social worker that is in your hospital that you received treatment at. Tell her or him, what's going on. Most hospitals have a compassion fund that is available to patients,she always directed me to help and sometimes they allow you to acces the fund every six months to the amount of around $1000.00. They have helped me many times because of increased costs. Reach out to churches and lions club type associations. They all have programs that have funds allocated to cancer patients in need. Your hospial has many avenues to refer you to get help. I just had mine arrange for a full eye exam and free bifocal glasses! There is help out there and that is the best way to start ! I pray your car is just a hose or something that simple! Sending prayers! ~M~

Fotheringay

Update:

I could have been worse. It was the alternator that the same guy installed two weeks ago at $500+, bad. But of course he said the battery was toast, and needed to be replaced at $180+. I said that sounded WAY too high, and felt he was taking advantage of the situation. I said I'd get back to him about the battery issue.

I called the last guy I bought a battery from, and his started at $143, installed. I called autoshop guy and said, at the price you quoted me, I'll buy one elsewhere for you drop in. I heard him yell, "Jim, just push the car out on the road so she can tow it to the shop for her guy to put a battery in." I hit the roof again, and I, not one to argue, had a minor flipout on the guy. He said that it wasn't his fault the alternator went bad, he just put in the part that he bought, not his fault a two-week old repair cost me towing, a missed PT appointment, and getting soaked in cold rain on a busy road at rush hour. So next time I get food poisoning at a restaurant, it's not their fault, because they bought food from X vendor, and they just prepared it and served it? You sell it to me with your name on the receipt, and it IS your product, it IS your problem. How about a little compassion for someone screwed over by an expensive, defective product???

IF HE HAD JUST SAID when I objected to the battery price that he could find a cheaper one to put in, instead of pushing his upsell-top-of-the-line one that i DON'T need for a junker with maybe a year left, I would have been content. But shops here are so used to rich people (which I'm not) just nodding at anything he proposes, he thought I'd just sucker right into it. To this Southern gal's perception, he was shockingly rude.

He did the right thing and put the expensive one in and charged me a cheaper rate. But I ain't going back there.

I didn't need this right now....Ugh. I think I'm going to have a thimbleful of good scotch.

Carrie

Artista928

Wow. I usually play the cancer card to lower costs on stuff that can be negotiated. Usually works, but if someone is insensitive and greedy, then it won't work.

Micmel

if there was a day I could wake up with out and feeling another strange pain, I for a second just might dream that it was my old body. I just sit and there it is yet another new pain that I could swear wasn't there yesterday. It is like they are hopping from body part to body part! Seriously like I've had enough of this shit. Also, I am scanning a week from today at 900 am. Gotta drink the hand lotion and pretend I have it together. Which I don't, i am getting very good at pretending. Even in my sleep sometimes I dream about pain of how terrible my feet had hurt after that horrible AC\abraxane night mare . So then I realize that if there ever came a time that they said I needed to back on something like that,to make my hair fall out again, I just dont think I could make it through something like that again mentally,no less physically. I am just starting to get normal feeling back and my fingernails are looking somewhat normal again! I just want to stay stable on this regimen, and never have to look back again at that awful shit. I realize the reality of it all is i have been through the heavy stuff and I just don't think my body could take it. Most days lately I feel better,but some days scare me because it's just never consistent anymore. There is always that one day in the week where you just feel like you have cancer. Nauseous, a flu like feeling in your bones and cells, that slug feeling of having to force yourself up to go to the bathroom. Then a few days later I'm jogging down by the pond looking at the turtles. At least I'm still faster than them. But I also think slow and steady wins the race. Which I am praying can be me. Right along side all you other wonderful fighters. I am SO SICK OF HAVING CANCER ,enough already. It's like everyday torture of some sort. Between the illness feeling and the mental stress. I don't know for one second somedays how we even wake up. It's just not fair that god would have such a horrible disease for good people to have to literally fight for their lives. It just sucks more than anything I can possibly even begin to imagine. ~M~

Scwilly

Micmel: you speak for me and I am sure so many others. I am SO SICK OF HAVING CANCER too. I am so angry sometimes how I feel and how it affects me both mentally and physically. I feel like I have aged so much since I have been diagnosed and find my joints and muscles ache so much and pain can be a minute by minute experience with no let up sometimes. I'm not working (haven't since moving the US which is ano story) and find I waste so much time in my days not achieving anything - then find moving so painful after sitting at my laptop after wasting time browsing or binge watching shows. And where can we vent as who can really understands how it feels to be given this diagnosis unless they have been there themselves. My DH doesn't have that instinct of knowing what to say or do to help. I find he misses the point that I really don't want to plan too far ahead. So he says - what do I want to do and plan for and I say "I have no idea!" So then I come down and feel better after a rant and a cry, for a while, and then we plan for a family photo (my youngest is going to college in September, my eldest is already a sophomore at college) and a holiday, and to get the back garden(yard) done at last! I can't really discuss it with my Mum over Skype (I live in Souther California and she in the UK) as she has her own health issues and is older now so we usually concentrate on that because I really don't know what to say to the question "How are you". What I really find comfort from is readings posts from this site and know that I am not alone. My elder son is also fab at motivating me too via text. I'm trying to go swimming at least 3 times a week - and so he checks in to make sure I've gone (he's a track runner so had a mindset for training) and bless him, has just contracted Mono (glandular fever for those in the UK) but is coping well with having to stop running and the ever constant micromanaging and pressure of grading each and every piece of work that the US education system demands!! (thats ano rant of mine) Oh well - better out then in as they say!

I wish you well for today and for tomorrow and for all the days ahead.

Micmel

schwilly~ I do understand my friend I do. I know the empty feeling when someone mentions an event that may just be coming up in a year or so. And i grimace in terror/fear of even seeing through to the next scan. You are not alone and I understand all the aches and pains and days of driving myself crazy thinking about how i have MBC. I binge watch also. A lot. But I also have my fit bit to hold me accountable, and I get up and struggle somedays to get that 250
Steps in. I feel stronger every day but I'm scared to believe and get my hopes up that this regimen I am on is actually working for me. That alone takes me to my knees. I read an article last night that said. Cancer patients suffer from a form of post traumatic stress syndrome and I 100% agree with the article. I know I suffer from it. And I am not a doctor but willing to bet that also applies to each everyone of us fighters. So now I have another diagnosis that I realize I have obtained, if not formally. But I know it's there. Holding all close in prayer! ~M~

Lita57

You both give me courage as I face another MAJOR TASK for today: Purchasing the niche for my ashes at the cemetery where my parents and grandmother are buried.

The last time I saw my MO, I wanted to discuss what I should bring to Hawaii in 6 months when I head there with my BFF from grade school. She said, "We can't discuss that. That's too far in the future for you, and we don't know where you'll be."

I'm not upset at her at all. She told the truth. My initial scan report a year ago is EIGHT PAGES LONG. It took me months to get up the courage to read it because I didnt want to know how bad it was. Any one of my mets could go ape-shit at a moment's notice: liver, pancreas, adrenals, kidney, bladder, abdominal wall; and any of the bone mets in my spine, pelvis, ribs, hips, and of course the Mets in the adjacent muscle tissue. My oldest brother and I chatted on the phone yesterday. He's amazed I'm still here. By God's grace, He is keeping me here for His purpose.

Yes, and I have PTSD, too. I swing back and forth between wanting to keep fighting and then being SO exhausted and fatigued that I just want to get it over with and go home to Jesus.

But I feel blessed that we are all here to lift each other up with love and support no mafter how crappy we feel.

Micmel

Lita~ everyday you are in my prayers and I think you are the inspiration around here. I just want you to be pain free and not hear through your words your uncertainty and struggles! Since I have been a part of this board, you are one name I will always look for and keep track of. I consider you one of my MBC sisters as we all are when we enter the gate, we can no longer turn back from. But you're not alone and I know DH and you are one strong unit, alongside with Sofia. We are your cheering section!! Always here ready listen and hear any rant you need to let loose. I think you're an amazing kind sweet soul. If only I could take your pain away, I would! Keeping you close in prayer! The strength you have shown, between choosing your own magnificent urn to making sure where YOU want to Rest In Peace is your choice and your comfort level. I sit here in awe of you. ~M~

bcincolorado

Lita, I will keep you in my prayers as well. You do have something to look forward to with a lovely trip to Hawaii!!!

Lita57

OK, so I paid the down payment for my niche at the cemetery. You can see the picture in "A place to talk [about] death and dying issues" thread if you wish.

I didn't put the picture here because I am sensitive to other BC sisters' feelings. Some of us just DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS these things on certain threads, and I respect that. We are all fighting for our lives, and I realize that discussing end-of-life issues might not help some sisters...in fact it might really bring them down and not be at all productive when it comes to their own personal battle. We all have our own way of coping, and we should be compassionate because our way of handling things is not necessarily THE WAY everyone should do it.

And that's why I'm not quite ready to file my DNR and notarized POLST yet. Just can't bring myself to do it.

So now my latest rant chimes in with Micmel's. I just spent TWO WEEKS getting spinal rads, and my back is somewhat better, but now my right hip is clicking and hurting, and my shoulder's acting up again, too. Yep, it's musical chairs in terms of the aches and pains dept. We MBC gals just can't catch a break. But at least I can stand up for more than 90 seconds now, so I should be grateful for that. Scan in 2 wks will tell me what's going on with femur and humerus.

Wishing you dear ladies a relatively pain-free weekend 😉.

april485

(((((Lita))))) Just a hug because I am helpless to do anything else for you and the other Stage IV sisters I have come to worry about on these threads. Since I came to these boards in 2013, I have seen so many diagnosed and some have been doing well and sadly, some have not.

I do know just how blessed I am to have been diagnosed at the earliest stage possible. I am a survivor of a second cancer as well so my body likes to make cancer cells apparently so am acutely aware at all times that things can change for me at any time.

May you have as many pain free days as God will see fit to give you and to any and all of us taking these meds etc. My pain is from Femara - holy cow does that AI (and all of them as I was also on Aromasin which was worse) wreak havoc on what was once a healthy strong body. I HATE AI's! Rant over...