STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Haliday

okay. . I give up. What does YIP stand for?

jo6359

YIP- year in photos as per my niece. I'm not sure what it meant in the context written in the above post The only time I ever use yip it's when I'm referring to my yip yap dog

hapa

Haliday - awesome post! Take care.

candy-678

I JUST HAVE TO VENT.  I AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW.   I WAS TALKING WITH MY SISTER.  SHE COMPARED MY SITUATION--MBC--WITH HER HUSBAND WHO HAD TO TAKE A JOB IN A LOWER POSITION.  SHE SAID THAT LIFE IS NOT FAIR.  THAT HE HATES HIS JOB AND DID NOT GO TO COLLEGE FOR THE POSTION HE HAS NOW.  I TOLD HER THAT IF I HAD MY HEALTH, BUT HAD TO TAKE A LOWER JOB I ENVY THAT.   THAT MY MBC IS INCURRABLE AND WILL SHORTEN MY LIFE.  AND THEY SHOULD NOT BE COMPARED.  WE ENDED THE CONVERSATION SCREAMING AND I HUNG UP.   

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.     I HATE THIS CANCER.    I WANT TO BE HEALTHY.   I WOULD WORK ANY JOB IF I ONLY COULD HAVE MY HEALTH.   

Lita57

That sucks!

Too bad we can't "unfriend" family members.

Beesie

I think we have to look behind the reasons why people make these totally absurd comparisons. Some are trying to be kind and sympathetic (although failing miserably) whereas others are being mean and self-centered.

It might be that they are trying to relate, and they are using the closest example they can think of from their own lives, in terms of something that worried them or upset them. "See, I understand what you are going through because this is what happened to me"

Or it might be that they feel left out or ignored and are trying to shift some of the attention and sympathy over to them. "Yeah, you've got cancer but It's not all about you" candy-678, I'd guess that your conversation with your sister falls into this category.

Many many years ago, someone on this site made a comment that has stuck with me all these year later. I even remember the context - a newbie was completely freaking out over an upcoming biopsy, making comments to the effect that she couldn't imagine anything worse. She kept posting about how the diagnostic process/biopsy was the most horrible experience she'd ever had and how she couldn't imagine having to go through anything this awful again. Since most of the people responding to her posts and trying to reassure her were women with breast cancer, many took offense. What the very wise member reminded everyone was that "The worst thing that has ever happened to someone is the worst thing that has ever happened to them."

My breast cancer diagnosis is early stage, and while the associated risk still scares me, my feeling is that I got lucky and dodged a bullet. I recognize however that my attitude is based on the fact that I've gone through something that was much more devastating and life changing than this breast cancer diagnosis. I regularly remind myself, as I read this board and respond to posts, that many of the women here, even those going through just a call-back or biopsy, are going through the worst experience of their lives. And when someone says something totally absurd to me, if I feel that they are trying to be kind and empathetic, then even if what they said riles me, I consider the intent rather than the words. Well, I try to, anyway.

VLH

Wow, Candy, that seems brutal. I admit that I knew practically nothing about breast cancer before being involuntarily and unexpectedly thrown into a frenzy of research about the disease(s) three years ago. Still, I would hope that even I in my ignorance wouldn't think to compare Stage IV cancer to a job downgrade. I'm sorry that you had that experience when you instead deserve compassion and support.

Beesie, I'm editing my note that "crossed in the mail" with yours to acknowledge that I think you made some excellent points. Thank you for sharing the thoughtful post.

Lyn

jaycee49

Here's another explanation. She is still in denial about what your MBC really means. If she compares it to her husband's job, she can make it small. Or maybe she doesn't really know what it means. Or she is trying not to know what it means. Another form of denial.

jo6359

beesie- I agree with you. Most people aren't deliberately trying to be mean. When I began treatment I had one rule when I would go out with friends. For 5 minutes,they could ask me anything they want to about my cancer after that I wanted to focus on their lives. Notwithstanding, some people are clueless, ignorant and sometimes mean. Frustrating when you are in the moment.

candy-678

Thanks guys.  My anger has subsided and replaced with some sadness for my relationship with my sister.  I love her and I think she loves me (deep down).  I just wish I could get support and comfort from her.  That she could tell me "It is going to be ok, I will be beside you".  But I don't think I will ever hear that come from her.  I do think some of it is denial about how serious this really is.  

jaycee49

Candy, there is probably another dynamic going on that I just thought of. Sisters. If one has BC, the other(s) are more likely to be diagnosed. I have two sisters. Both had BC. One did not survive. The other is fine. After each diagnosis, I felt really conflicted and confused. Was I mad at them for increasing my risk? Sort of ... maybe. But what I really wanted was for them not to have it. I actually thought it would be really unlikely for all three of us to have it and for me to also have MS. Wrong again.

finallyoverit

Have room for 1 more tonight? I’m.just.mad

DogMomRunner

My rant for yesterday was that my oncologist can't seem to understand that I also have work schedule. In between the BS, MO, echocardiograms, seroma drains, lymphadenopathy therapy and chemo teaching appointments, I have got to put some time on the time clock. No work hours, no insurance. No insurance, no treatments. Yesterday I went to an appointment (4 hours) out of a work day and the appointment was for the next day. It was a mutual mistake - the receptionist told me Tuesday but put it on the schedule for Wednesday. Now I have to take time off on Thursday for the rescheduled appointment.

pajim

For some reason unknown to me, man and maybe God, oncologists, surgeons and particularly ROs think no one works. That somehow we're all on disability or something. And maybe most women are. More power to them. It drove me crazy during early stage treatment.

I actually had my RO say to me (4 weeks into radiation), "you mean, you're WORKING? Full time??". I wanted to ask him who he thought he was dealing with but must have found some tact somewhere. And I KNOW there were plenty of others working through radiation. They had the 7:30-8:45am appointments, after which they were going to work.

I now have my oncologist trained. Yes, I have some business trips. No I can't be here next Tuesday. But it took a few years.

Karenfizedbo15

My first RANT...just been to an appointment with Onc ( who is very nice) in order to get CT scan results, only to be told there is a 4-6 WEEK backlog on the reports!! We are very lucky to have the NHS, but my God REALLY??

She took a quick look at pics and said she didn’t see anything major... what does THAT mean? Obviously she needs to wait for the report too and she’s just as frustrated as me, but COME ON!!

The phrase in Glasgow for how I feel right now is “ Pure Bealin’.....!!!!”

Betrayal

I had the most difficulty with scheduling radiation sessions since their 7-3:30 schedule was in direct conflict with my work schedule. My work schedule differs by day of the week from Monday through Friday and I do not have the option of just leaving for an appointment. I teach so I have to work around that schedule. They wanted the sessions to be scheduled for the same time each day claiming that "this was the best for my treatment", but it was not the best for my angst. They were frequently late, insisted I show up 15 minutes before my scheduled time and many a time I waited 45 minutes or 30 minutes beyond my scheduled time in a waiting room with many others. I felt their schedule was too tight and did not consider the actual time each person required, did not allow for glitches with the equipment which did happened several times and did not consider how humiliating it was to sit in a waiting room in a robe. True, we were all there for treatment but I did not feel comfortable when I felt others knew what my diagnosis was by my mode of dress for treatment. There were times I needed to change my time due to work issues and I always provided advance notice. But then found I would be sharing the same time slot with others and sometimes the wait stretched to over an hour meaning I missed meetings at work. The best was when they announced on a Wednesday that the machine needed to be recalibrated on a Friday afternoon and all afternoon appointments would need to be rescheduled. I tried to reschedule but all early morning appointments were already taken and nothing else would work. When I told them I could not make the time they suggested, I was given the lecture about how important it was for me to have "daily" sessions and that this could have a negative impact on my treatment. I was pissed because this was not of my doing and could they not have scheduled the recalibration for the weekend when they were not in service? I know others have missed sessions related to skin issues so wonder if they were given the lecture I received? This was one reason I hated the radiation experience but not the only one; there are multiple other reasons.

I have been lucky with scheduling MO appointments but had a problem with the BS since their office hours were also restricted by day and times not for workers. It made it easier to fire the BS then to reveal my real reason for never wanting to see them again. The BS referred me to their choice of an MO but again their hours of availability conflicted with my work schedule and I was told if I was late getting there, I would be charged for the appointment but would not be seen! I was also told I had to arrive 15 minutes early, so yes, we are expected to be accepting of waiting but the MO was not. I found another MO in the same practice and am satisfied. We have our moments when we don't agree but for the most part she listens and tries to find a solution that is mutually acceptable. She is on time and never ends an appointment until we are done talking.

edwards750

Good grief Betrayal what an inconsiderate place. I scheduled my treatments when they opened in the morning. I wanted to get it over with however, my initial appointment was not on time. I sat inthe waiting room for 30 minutes and then the nurse called me on my cell asking where I was. Needless to say I unloaded on the staff. The RO didn’t know either. They were never late after that.

I guess they think you can just drop everything to meet their schedules. Duh. Have to work. Fortunately for me I was on medical leave so I didn’t have the issues you do. Just what you need more stress. Not.

Diane

ctmbsikia

I hated radiation.  Mine was at the hospital.  One machine, 2 RO's on staff.   I remember asking the RO at the consult appt. how many patients are being treated.  Absolute nightmare of a schedule. It was obvious to me walking in that there are too many patients to treat and there are only so many hours in a day.  My simulation failed doing the breath hold, so I (yes me the newbie to bc and especially left side) requested to then be treated in the prone position and the RO agreed.  More appointments, waiting for the planning, the 2nd simulation was OK and I got my 1st treatment at 9:00 at night.  Out of the 30 treatments, I think 3 or 4 of them I was in and out in the 20 min. time span.  The rest of the time I was waiting, and waiting.  I made some friends!  One older feller just came right out and asked, "Breast cancer?" The robe must have gave it away!    Having to keep to a schedule that only worked less than a quarter of the time, work, and still try to process the diagnosis and gain knowledge about this disease, is enough to give anyone fatigue!!!!

Thankfully I have an understanding employer. I scheduled as late in the afternoons that I could -not knowing how long the line was but at least knowing I could go home afterwards.  They called numerous times with changes so I just resigned myself to the fact that I was literally at that machines beck n call night or day.  It was the only way I got through it. I wanted to pull that bell off it's borings and throw it out the window!  Hope I don't have to go there again.  Good riddance.

movingsoccermom

A new low. Called to make the followup MO appointment after the confirmation of metastasis and was told there were no MO appointments available, but I could make (an initial) appointment with a Nurse Practitioner...... Unbelievable. Might as well rely on my husband.

ctmbsikia

If I remember correctly they had 42 patients when I was there.  At 15 mins. a piece, that makes for a 10.5 hr. day.  Not counting the breakdowns (some of them patients) and the constant entrance and exit of patients, with the occasional emergency.  That dept. actually performs well.  It's not like they can say, we're full, go somewhere else or come back tomorrow.

ctmbsikia

moving---That's awful.  What are you suppose to do? Go somewhere else?  You would think it would be protocol for an MO to see a patient themselves after a new diagnosis.  I'm sorry to hear your news.

AliceBastable

I guess I didn't realize at the time how well-organized the radiation department I went to was. I think they asked me to change my time twice, by a half hour, when a new patient was having a first day and would need more time. And there was one time when I was offered choices on rescheduling due to a maintenance issue - but they let me know the day before. I can't imagine how they'd handle someone wanting different times every day - it would throw every other patient's schedule off. I never get upset with surgeons running off schedule - I've had two surgeries that were supposed to last an hour and went to four hours due to complications. I know there had to be other patient's waiting, but I was very glad my surgeon didn't rush just to stay on schedule. My appointment with my urologist ran quite late last week, due to an emergency surgery. His staff was very nice about it, and I can't imagine getting upset over it. My MO's office tries to schedule the chemo patients early in the morning, or anyone with complications. I have no problem working around that. Although I'm retired now, I've had to deal with medical and surgical issues when I was employed. I guess my job wasn't critical enough that it mattered when an appointment ran into extra time.

jo6359

After reading your rants I appreciate how fortunate I was to be at my cancer center. My oncologist was never late. I could arrive a half hour early and he was willing to see me. Out of 25 radiation treatments it was delayed once for 45 minutes due to a machine breaking down. Chemo was a whole different ball game. There were frequent and prolong delays. Most of it due you to my chemo Pharmacy being under renovation. So all the drugs had to come from the main hospital which caused a significant delay. Of course they never bothered to inform any of us of these delays. Due to my insurance canceling the contract with the hospital and doctors I am now at a new cancer center. Thank goodness my treatments had been completed. I never did get the final follow up with my RO but I did with my BS. My first visit with my new MO was on time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for future visits.

LimnoGal

Rant on a totally different topic. Not that I really have any say orchoice, but I am done with the colorful weather we have been having in the Midwest/southwest tornado belt. Green is an excellent color for grass. Not for the sky. Water is a fabulous resource in aquifers, lakes, rivers, ponds and oceans. Not in your street, business, yard or home.

‘Nuff said.

runor

I was impressed with my radiation treatment. Of course, I live a fair distance from the radiation center, as do many others who travel great distances for radiation and as a result there is no going home between treatments. We all stay at a lodge built especially for that purpose. The lodge is a 2 minute walk from the radiation center. You get your robes and a bag given to you and you wear those same robes the whole time, carrying them with you to and from your appointments. You arrive, swipe your patient card through the scanner thingy, put on your robe, go sit in your designated waiting room where EVERYONE in there was getting radiation for something. A volunteer lady would come by with a trolley full of coffee, tea, juice and cookies and offer you a free goodie. But I never sat there for more than 4 minutes before my name was called and I went in for the nuke. Never had time to finish a coffee or juice. Then back to the lodge where you could read, watch tv, or sleep, which a lot of us did. Meals were communal cafeteria style. There was a games room with cards, pool tables, shuffleboard, coffee machine, kettle and a fridge to store special food items in if you wanted. Most people went home on the weekends. But not everyone. If you were an 8 or 9 hour drive from home, they just stayed at the lodge. It was amazingly efficient medical service in Canada, not known for its medical efficiency. But out large distance and shortage of cancer centers means people have to come from very far away for treatment.

Yndorian

Runor, not bad at all ah? Sounds like a spiritual retairment with 1 minute of frying per day LOL

runor

Yndorian, I'll tell you a secret. I lived close enough (few hours) that I could have come home on the weekends. I came home one weekend. Had Hub come get me. But the other wknds, I stayed at the lodge. IT was pretty quiet and empty except for the other few who didn't go home.

The rooms were shared, like hotel rooms with two single beds and you never knew who your roommate was going to be. While everyone made the best of a bad situation, there were times when roomies got on each other's nerves. You're sleeping with a stranger! Beds separated by 4 feet and a flimsy curtain. (women always roomed with women and men with men). But I was lucky in that I only had two roomies and they were only there for a few nights each. I had the place to myself. IT WAS HEAVEN! Except for the having cancer part, that was not heaven. And there were many people there who were so, so sick. Over the month I was there I saw people whittle down to skeletons, not able to keep any food in them. That was awful.

I was also bored stiff. I would go out into the landscaped areas and pull weeds. Pick up garbage. More than once I walked past the common washroom, heard the toilet running, took the tank apart and repaired the flushing mechanism. Bored. But soon the radiation kicked the stuffing out of me and I was burned and exhausted. I slept a lot. Peacefully. In my neatly ordered, air conditioned room and someone else made dinner. I admit I enjoyed the private space, peace and solitude while being bored stiff, mortified at having cancer and missing my home and family. I'm a contradiction. I still stay in touch with some of the people I got to know at the lodge. One dear lady has passed away and that breaks my heart. I think of her still.

mistyeyes

My radiation place was great.  It was just 15 minutes from my work and I was in and out fast and they were so nice to me.  I did my treatments on my work lunchbreak.

pingpong1953

My Cancer centre is in Sudbury, which is about two hours from my home. If I would have had rads I would have stayed at the Daffodil Terrace Lodge but I ended up skipping the rads. I was able to spend one night there when I had a really early scan appointment. It saved me from getting up at five am for the trip from home. The place has a lot to offer, but I'm sure I would have been bored stiff after a couple of weeks.

DawnS1962

12 people were shot dead today in my beautiful city. A disgruntled employee randomly shot 12 people at our municipal center. I was in the grocery store across the street when it happened.

I thought I had a bad day because my Taxol leaked all over my back. 12 innocent people were gunned down at work. Damn I had a very good day in comparison. This was way too close to home. My development is named after that municipal center.

Family members of the victims are being briefed at our local middle school tonight. They are all having a really terrible day and I am so sorry for them.