STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

jaycee49

jo6359, thank you for the support. Coincidentally, I was reading my Ibrance thread this AM and several people mentioned taking an antidepressant for hot flashes and aches and pains (side effects of hormone suppression). MO's commonly prescribe Effexor or Lexapro for this purpose. They are all happy with the result. And the side effect of the antidepressant? They are in a "better mood."

My MO's social worker is a twit of a guy who I would't go to to talk about anything, much less my BC.

Micmel

Thank you ladies, at least he isn't laying in that bed for 21 hours a day, doing nothing. I love the fact I had my time with him. I am focusing on that. It will take time I realize. I think my grief is amplified bythis beast that I carry around inside of me we all have in common. Makes facing this. Equally scary and thinking what will be will be. I obviously couldn't change my dads outcome. I'm realizing I cannot change how things go for myself either. I'm going to really try to stop worrying as much. Even as I face a scan with a pretty darn sore rib area and shoulder pain... both shoulders! Every time I am ready for scans, a new ache or ten appears! It's maddening. Thanks again wonderful ladies !

~M~

bennybear

micmel, it is a process, I like the wave analogy, sometimes little ones at your feet, other times a big one comes out of nowhere and knocks you off your feet. Any loss brings up all other losses so no wonder you are struggling with this heavy load. Peace and strength!

AliceBastable

Well. My sister just compared her latest visit to her eye doctor - to get glasses, mind you, not for any other issues - with my three surgeries and radiation I went through last year. She seems to think she had a rougher time. Are you effing kidding me?

Beesie

Come on, AliceBastable, having the eye doctor continually ask "which is better, 1 or 2?" is stressful. What if you answer wrong and don't get the right eye glass prescription?

It reminds me of when my SIL sympathetically compared my mastectomy to a zit on her breast that wasn't healing quickly. Yup, almost the same thing, don't you think?

AliceBastable

Beesie, it's terrifying how many of these self-obsessed nitwits are out there. My sister is particularly frustrating because she refuses to go to doctors (except dentists and optometrists), but she's a hypochondriac with a long list of self-diagnosed illnesses for which she demands sympathy.

bennybear

Beesie and Alice, No words! Unbelievable!

I had a friend who told me her divorce was much worse then her neighbour's husband dying of cancer. Some people just have NO idea!

My favourite thing now is when friends complain about buying a bathng suit, I suggest they should try it with one boob!

candy-678

Have any of you seen the movie " It" by Stephen King from the 1990's---original one, not the current remake.  There is a scene where one of the kids rides his bicycle as fast as he can to outrun the monster.  He said " I thought if I rode fast enough I would be ok" or something to that effect.  Last night I was coming home from my nephews graduation.  I was the only one on a stretch of the highway and I pressed on the gas- going faster and faster.  I wanted to outrun the cancer.  I thought " if I go fast enough maybe I can outrun it".  Stupid, I know.  I could have ran off the road and that would have been all she wrote.  But the feeling of the open window and the wind and speed made me feel it was possible for a short time.  Now back to reality.  

edwards750

candy - stupid or not we get it. BC is such an insidious disease. It totally does a number on us emotionally, physically and financially. Even as the years go by it will always be a part of us. We are forever branded with the C word.

Unless someone even our doctors go through it they can’t possibly understand. Treatments notwithstanding we still have it and we still panic at least I do when it’s time for the annual mammogramand I’m 8 years out next month God willing.

Diane

jaycee49

I've been thinking about this for a while. I read A LOT. It is pretty common to find in some prose something like, "growing like a cancer" or just "like a cancer." I hadn't thought of it for a while but in the book I just finished, it happened again. So common and annoying.

Anonymous

I am so mad at cancer right now. Livid. I found out thursday last week I have bone mets less than a yr from diagnosis. All my previous scans were clean before starting chemo. Then during my planning scan for radiation after I healed from my mastectomy they found bone mets...I don't know about organs/brain yet..scans for all that all this week. MO told me she is very concerned all this grew new and spread while doing AC-T. I sit here in utter shock. I am shattered. I am terrified. Especially knowing why my back has been hurting so bad lately. Then Saturday morning I found out my mother whom I have been estranged from for 17 yrs (not by choice) is dying of ovarian cancer that had spread to her colon and stomach....nobody in my family called to tell me, I only found out when I called my grandmother to let her know I've progressed, then she out of nowhere said "Well, you know your mom has cancer".....When she described the condition my mom is in now I just about dropped the phone, told her I was tired and I needed to go. To say these last few days have been hard would be an understatement and i am SO mad at cancer. It is heartless. It is cruel. It robs. If one more person tells me to be positive I'll knock them out. That's all I have tried to be as I dragged myself to the finishline of chemo thinking I'm doing everything I can and It failed me. I FEEL DESTROYED.

jo6359

radagasrabbit- Cancer sucks. It is a scary monster who sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It is especially terrifying knowing that a cancer grows while you are receiving treatment. It's hard to wrap your brain around sometimes. You can be absolutely positive that cancers a bitch. I'm hoping for you that once all your scans are completed you can find good treatment options.

pajim

Radagastrabbit, I'm so sorry. The double whammy! (Tripe whammy, since you just went through treatment). There aren't any words that will help right now but I can offer a virtual hug.

AliceBastable

RadagastRabbit, all I can offer is a gentle hug and a large bottle of your choice of booze - because sometimes, temporary oblivion is the only good place left.

mysticalcity

RadagastRabbit Hugs across the miles and prayers you find strength as you determine the best treatment plan for yourself going forward. I hope you have clarity with your decision making and good options to select from.

movingsoccermom

RadagastRabbit, So very sorry to hear about the monster. Wishing you all the best.

AliceBastable

I think I've found a new irritation. It doesn't take much lately.🙅

Newbies here who haven't even been diagnosed yet, but are all "NOT MEEE!!! I can't have cancer!!!" Um, can't they tell from the name of this site that the vast majority of members here actually HAVE fucking cancer, or have had it and are in the ever vigilant category? Freak out all you want, newbies, if that's your thing, but use a damn filter. What are we, chopped liver? (Or chopped boob, to be more accurate)

MelissaDallas

Alice, and they stamp their little feet when they don’t get what the consider adequate attention here. I bet with myself on the ones I think will hit 100 posts before they get their (almost certainly benign) biopsy results.

AliceBastable

MelessaDallas, exactly! We all temember what it was like at that point, but it's not nice to bite the hand that will emotionally feed you, should it be needed.

LoriCA

We must be thinking of some of the same people haha! One of those newbies has already posted TWO threads disparaging the members of this forum. All I could think is this is obviously not a good fit for her.

Can we please add the people who insist they have cancer despite seeing ten different doctors and having multiple scans and multiple biopsies and everything showing benign. Usually they insist it's IBC even though they have none of the symptoms. I feel bad for them because they obviously believe they have symptoms of something, but why do they want to insist it's IBC when they have no symptoms? I wouldn't wish this sh*t on my worst enemy! One even PMed me, and after I discussed the symptoms in private she developed them all the next day. After that I decided I'm no longer responding to PMs from newbies who haven't yet been diagnosed.

Beaverntx

My latest rant is folks, especially BC survivors of several years, who tell me I will be fine when I express some concern that I am in the second year since diagnosis and that my chances of recurrence could be increasing this year! Yes, they have been there and done that but I expect they were concerned too. I don't like false reassurance!!!!

AliceBastable

LoriCA, ah yes, the Munchhausenboobie gals. And they get offended by anyone who tries to reassure them. They must be exhausting to live with. Similarly, I have a work friend who actually had breast cancer, a miniscule one removed via needle in her doctor's office. She INSISTED on chemo, against his advice, and underwent a lightweight version for a month. She already had very thin hair and had worn wigs for about ten years, but started telling EVERYONE about her cancer wig need. And pink pink pink pink pink everywhere! I had endometrial cancer and a full hysterectomy at about the same time, but wasn't allowed to mention it because she'd say "But I had BREAST CANCER" and start handing out ribbon pins. It was like she'd bought tickets to the Disney Breast Cancer Experience and didn't want to miss a single ride or show.

Made me REALLY resent getting bc! 😏 I've noticed she's become pretty invisible, too, since my diagnosis.

MelissaDallas

I gotcha Alice. There was nothing pink and pretty about my 20 pound ovary

Beesie

Well, Alice, you certainly one-upped your work friend! She probably thinks you got breast cancer on purpose just to spite her.

Rosie24

Minor rant, speaking of pink. I'm on a couple BC support FB pages and it grates on me when people say “Hello Pink Sisters". Just too cute and folksy for my taste. Hello to all. I love this thread,although I only have one main anger source right now, which is this crappy diagnosis I got in January. Other than that I'm fine. LOL.

AliceBastable

Yeah, the pink stinks. Hell, the whole assigning colors to different cancers is so stupid. What, am I supposed to decide which one is most on my mind each day, or wear 'em all at once? If I see someone with a ribbon pin, I wonder if they're bragging or complaining.

Beesie 😂

jo6359

I never went on the breast cancer site at all until I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have sympathy and empathy for those who are experiencing symptoms or waiting for results from scans for a definitive diagnosis . It is a scary time. For the most part, I believe they're seeking reassurance . Unfortunately all I can ever say is" hang in there and wait for the results'. I don't like telling people everything will be fine because quite frankly I don't know. I do remember my surgical oncologist looking at me after I was informed of my diagnosis and saying you will be okay . Even though I knew he had no way of knowing , but in that moment I needed to hear it. No crystal balls with this diagnosis.

I do recall a woman on this thread who pm me complaining that I was setting a bad example because I tolerated chemo and radiation very well. It provided her with false hope because she might have a hard time if she's diagnosed with cancer. What the hell. Tolerating chemo and radiation does not make it a picnic. It turns out she didn't have cancer. Instead of being grateful she was angry that she went through unnecessary scams.

ctmbsikia

RR-I am sorry to hear of your most recent diagnosis.  Please let us know how you are doing.  You have my very best wishes.

I wear Nikes that are gray and pink and some folks think the pink signifies the bc -but it doesn't.  It's just what they had in the store that I liked,  and that felt good when I tried them on, so I bought them.  That's it!  Please shut up.

 One day recently at work while I was out walking the parking lot,  president of the company is getting in his porche and says, "Oh, you're getting healthy after that cancer scare?"  I wish my fist could have met his face.   All of it sucks and people are going to deal with it in different ways.   

It is hard some days.  Hope you all are having the best day that you can! 

DawnS1962

I'm so over this and nowhere near the end. I meet the plastic surgeon today and if he asks me what size I want to be I will either hit him or start crying tears of anger. I want to just be myself. I don't want a freaking boob job. Never did. That's not me.

The last visit with my breast surgeon started with asking me what size I want to be. I think it must have shown all over my face that I wasn't going there. I just want what I started this with minus the tumor. He was talking lumpectomy originally now mastectomy because I'm small breasted. Well I didn't freaking grow over the past 4 months. IDK if I'm a AAA cup size when this is over if that means a lumpectomy over a mastectomy. I just want this nightmare to end.

Micmel

Yes yes it is a nightmare!! But then again life is beautiful and then again it's ugly.

The lovely trees, our stiff knees.. the smell of the rain, our eminent pain.... the sound of the waves, and all the emotion we save. Feeling the breeze....a cure ? God please... walking in the forest...how many days rest, will that cost us? Watching people come and go and normally living.....while we sit and wait, because all we've got we are giving. A movie to watch. With a happy ending makes us shrivel with fear and terror....with us worrying about even looking in the mirror. People running and full of clueless vain, while I sit here typing with chest pain.

Yes it is a total nightmare!