STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Lita57

Thanks, DodgersGirl....but i thought all the docs I brought w/me were more than enough to prove a name change...hyphenated name's on my SS card, my utility bills, etc., even my current Notary Public stamp. My marriage license only lists me w/my MAIDEN name.

These people are government functionaries. They are given a list of "rules & reqs" which they don't deviate from. They are not PAID to think or reason out the obvious. They didn't even take photocopies of any of the stuff I brought in....and that would have made the difference to me. I didn't even TRY to play the terminal cancer card w/them. I just figured, "Take the 'non-government compliant' DL and let it go at that." It's not like I'll be flying anywhere soon w/all my brain mets, and I'm exempt forever now from Jury Duty (yaaay!) so I won't be limping into any Federal Buildings anywhere soon either. So at this point, I don't need a REAL ID.

Incidentally, I got my NEW DL about a week later. They told me it would take 4-6 wks, so I was pretty happy about getting the new one so quickly, especially at this time of the year.

Be sure to make an appointment so you don't have to stand in line forever. If they don't have any appts close to your date, you'll may just have to show up, stand in line and take your chances. The line was moving pretty fast the last time I was there, tho.

L

marijen

So I just want to thank everyone for this heads up. Will go armed with ALL info when renewing. Sheesh!

KatyK

So I have vented before about my older sister and her lack of empathy towards me - she lives near me but I haven’t seen her in months ( self- preservation) after her last very mean text to me. My DH ran into her days before Christmas and did tell her she may need to apologize for that. Well she left cookies by my door with a Christmas card and she said she was sorry that last text upset me, not really an apology to me as she did not apologize for the mean text. Some people just don’t get it!

bcincolorado

Sorry you were upset is definitely not an I'm sorry I was a jerk.

fishingal68

Ok, I need to vent! I do really well with most stupid stuff that goes with my cancer diagnosis and treatment, but I've had my fill and I lost it today.

One of the many 'gifts' BC has given me is heart rate/blood pressure issues. I had my first appointment with my new cardiologist yesterday. I was told to be there 30 minutes early to do paperwork (that they mailed to me a month ago...and I had already filled them out). I came in early as instructed. I waited in the lobby for nearly 2 hours before being called back to have an EKG done. Keep in mind, this is a small town at a satellite clinic and I was the last patient of the day. They really weren't THAT busy.

No one bothered to tell me they were running behind. Once the EKG happened, I was put into a different exam room. It was dirty from a prior patient. No new paper on the exam table for me, and no running water for the doctor to wash his hands in before the exam commenced.

I had to wait there for almost 30 MORE minutes before I was seen! I gently explained to the new doctor that it was poor management to leave patients waiting that long with no communication. He just laughed and told me to bring a book next time.

I have to give him credit. He was thorough. He diagnosed the issue, and said he was putting me on 2 different meds to lower my BP and heart rate. He wrote it in my chart (I watched him). He walked me to the front office, where he told 2 different office staff members to send my prescriptions to the pharmacy. It was after hours, so I had to wait until today to go by for the meds.

There was only 1 prescription on file and the pharmacy was swamped, so I called the office. "We don't show that he ordered 2 meds." (Remember, I watched him do it & I waited while he told 2 people to make sure my prescriptions (PLURAL) were submitted). It flipped my switch. I asked to speak to the office manager, and unloaded on her when she got on the phone. I told her I hoped it was not indicative of the type of care they give their patients, and I was glad it was not a life-or-death emergency.

She said she would speak to the doctor and call back...which she did. He did order 2 meds, and someone dropped the ball. I don't know who overlooked it, or why it happened, but I am LIVID!

I never cry, but all I could do was shake and cry out of sheer frustration. If I didn't need meds to lower my BP before, I certainly do now. The irony is not lost on me.

P.S. I cannot wait to complete my 'patient satisfaction survey'!

marijen

I would take offense atthe first words out of the doctor's mouth. Bring a book next time? Can you go somewhere else next time?

bcincolorado

Sounds like treatment in a military medical facility to me except waiting there they at least did let people know they were running behind even though waiting hours and hours. Bad care of patients and bad bedside manner.

footprintsangel

Can I vent with You, My home help went to Walmart 

and then put down work, all she is not really doing so

she would get paid. Went to McDonald's for lunch and

then to her mananger she bought it for me, they call her

and she yelled at me, then I paid her for that . And she

walked out. Someone tried to rob my house and broke

the locks .Like You Miss bcolorado, I have little money

and no one for Christmas. Also very I am sick and cant breath

my lady was sick when she came. Thank For the vent, got to

rest. Had to get my pills in my wheelchair it was raining.

God bless You all for letting me vent 

fishingal68

We endure so much stuff during our treatment and everyone thinks we are strong. I think this pseudo-strength is a coping mechanism to insulate us from all the ridiculously stupid things people do and say, especially when they act like they are the ones who are the victim.

P.S. I texted my nurse navigator about all my craziness with the cardiologist & staff. She reported it to Patient Relations and I should get a phone call from them. I don't want excuses from them as to why it happened. I want them to know what a pain in the a$$ it is to deal with all their incompetence. I want them to take corrective measures so no one else has to deal with it.

WC3

I had an appointment for a scan on the hour a while back. It was one of those two part things so after part 1 I had gone to get something to eat. I started heading back early but the elevator was taking a while and I got turned around looking for the stairs. I walked in to the suite 2 minutes past the hour and got to the desk 3 minutes past the hour but their clock was 5 minutes fast and I was told they gave my slot to someone else and I would have to wait 45 minutes.

bcincolorado

Both foots and WC3 that is awful and my heart goes to you both!!!

Meow13

My husband of 37 years has informed me he plans on leaving his money to charity after he dies. I am legally entitled to 50%. I am so hurt by this he says why there is plenty of money. We have 2 child both over 21. I can't understand this. Things come up what if one of us needs the money.

I plan on seeing a lawyer. This is such a slap in the face. This person is suppose to love us. I could see it if we were divorced. I believe his older sister has something to do with it. She is planning to leave her money to charity but she doesn't have children and probably only will do this after her husband is gone.

My mother is upset and wants to see a lawyer to protect her money, she wants to make sure my boys and I get it.

She doesn't want him taking her money after she dies and giving it to charity under his name.

If he goes through with it I am making sure only my children get the residue of my money.

I am so angry, I think he is going back to his old ways before I got this cancer.

Micmel

speechless just speechless. Protect your children for sure. I'm so sorry that people just seem to “change" over night sometimes with no explanation. Cya! =“Cover your ass". I wish you an easy solution. No one should go through this. You definitely are entitled to 50%. Get your power of attorney drawn up or changed. Put in writing what you want donewith your half and designate it to your children word for word. Then have someone professional witness the documents and your signing. Have a notary either prepare them (usually they themselves are notarizes)He will not be able to change your wishes. Such a shame!

Footprints~I wish we lived closer. I would be by your side. You my friend are amazing. Much love and hugs to you my sweet !

bcincolorado

There are laws that entitle a spouse to inherit regardless in some states I know. You definitely need legal advice. Some will do for a nominal fee I know and sometimes you can get reduced fee attorneys as well depending on income. If you have a social worker in your team you might want to reach out to them for resources and they could help direct you I would imagine. You need to be able to protect yourself and familyl.

mara51506

Having major issues with family. I co-own a home with my mother who was recently diagnosed with Stage IV cancer of the lungs. Older brother is trying to get her affairs in order. We are in a lot of debt but as a team, always could pay creditors and run our home, albeit in debt. Since we share the house, he is also trying to get my affairs in order (was not asked to do this) since I will be on my own. I am unmarried and on permanent disability due to my own illness. He is insistent on me filing bankruptcy which I do not want to do. His family keeps trying to guilt me into letting them take care of things and tell me where to live since they worry what will happen to me. It is too stressful on my mother and they tell me to keep my tears to myself regarding her condiition. I am resenting this and don't know what to do. Causing a family rift is not what I want but they think I am a shithead with how I ran my finances and they blame me for her debt. I am already stressed being the one to cook all meals and look after her since she is bedridden, I am still in treatment forever and having a hard time. I am more emotional since my mets were to my brain. What can I do to blow off steam. I have no one to talk to. Brain radiation made me more emotional and I was always oversensitive and prone to tears when angry or sad.

nanette7fl

mara51506 oh honey oh dear! I wish I had something wise to say but I really just wanted to respond and say that I hear you and if it were possible without causing that rift I'd speak up and tell dear big brother a thing or two!! I'm concerned that he may also be taking advantage of your brain mets to try and get the better of you!

edwards750

OMG you ladies are really going through such hard times. I’m so sorry. That’s all you need is financial issues on top of everything else. Shame on your family members who are taking advantage of you esp in your hour of need. It’s just despicable.

Meow - I’m not a lawyer but In Tennessee where I live it is 50-50 however Idk how that applies if your husband decides to give $ to charity. Definitely calls for a legal consult. Most lawyers don’t charge for that. I’m on an ND Board that is almost totally comprised of lawyers - all kinds. I know one in particular handles probates. I can ask him if you want. Also, I bet you can even surf the internet and find out what’s legal in your state. On the flip side IMO while that’s admirable to give to charity it should be after your needs are met.

Mara - time for a come to Jesus with your brother. You have so much on your plate with your own medical needs too but don’t let them bully you. Sometimes families are a royal pain. We can’t pick our families so we are stuck. I’m always stunned how the almighty dollar trumps compassion and caring.

It’s also uncalled for when we have to suffer at the hands of incompetent medical personnel. I’ve experienced the not calling in the prescription too. Make no mistake I let the doctor and office manager know too. Mistakes happen but they need to follow up when they screw up.

Doctors and hospitals are on overload and we are paying the price. Be your own advocate. I have had to appeal denied insurance coverage and while it was a pain we won. Squeaky wheel...

Good luck ladies. Keep the faith.

Diane

mara51506

Thanks ladies, felt better to get that out to be honest. I know my brother is just trying look after me when on my own and have no problem with helping to get house in my name only BUT will no longer accept being told the financial mess was all on me. We both contributed. I will just keep my mouth closed for my mothers and my sake because there are other things they do help. Coming here gives me a safe space to release it all and not stress out my poor old mother as I know what it is like to be newly dx and choosing not to accept chemo. Thanks everyone.

momwriter

So, I was diagnosed in 2012 at age 47, stage 2B triple positive. Right before me was my friend's sister diagnosed at 54, Stage 3. She went Stage 4 around 2014. She passed away last week on Christmas Eve, 2018. Also diagnosed just before me was a friends' friend, her2 equivocal, Stage 2 also. She and I coincidentally shared the same amazing doctor and went through it together. We became friends. She went back to work as a doctor herself. And 5 years after diagnosis, you know, when it's supposed to be safe and all clear, it came back with a vengeance in the Spring, 2017. She was gone by Labor Day, of that year. Of us 3, I'm the only one left. I feel alone. I am fully engaged in my life,and healthy enough to not be as healthy as I should be. I'm a mom, I have a job and future aspirations. But this gets me. It guts me. I don't want to bum my family and friends out so I can't share this with them, because they'll worry. But I'm so mad and still shocked that these amazing women, my peers, both incredible musicians and singers in their churches, positive forces in their communities and families, were taken away by this awful disease. And I'm scared too because we were in it together and I want to live. But they did too, so much. I'm always positive and think I'll beat this disease. I thought we all would. This sucks. That's my rant.

Meow13

I think there is just no telling when diagnosed if the cancer will come back or not. I have a coworker diagnosed just 6 months after me. Everything was better about her situation she had 1cm tumor ILC, got to have savi radiation with lumpectomy. I was told I need mx because of 2 tumors, idc and ilc and suspicious area. Her oncodx was 4 mine was 34. I hate to say it but I was envious then months later they found ilc in her hip. She was probably stage 4 all along. Neither of us had node involvement. Her tumor was close to the chest wall where mine were close to the skin surface. Thankfully no skin tissue involved.

I feel lucky to be 7 years out cancer free. You just never know, it is maddening.

WC3

momwriter:

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friends. I lost my cousin to a different type of cancer about two years ago. She was 40, and it's just so senseless, so I understand how you feel.

Parrynd1

I keep thinking how close I feel to my friends here, but at the same time what a choice of friends, huh? It’s hard seeing the last on dates by peoples names. As if cancer hasn’t taken enough...so sorry to hear more friends and family gone. It’s devastating. Until cancer is cured there will always be more people who can stand with you and know what you are going through. Those past friendship will always be special, but they aren’t the only ones that can be special. Have hope

mara51506

Sorry for all of us who have lost people. I will have lost both parents soon and my brothers will lose me too. Cancer sucks for sure and is not fair like the rest of life. We just continue to live life and make the best of it.

bcincolorado

Oh momwriter. It is awful but try not to have "survivor guilt" by making it this long at this point either. I know easier to say than do too. How terrible for their families too.

Meow13

We can never give up on the hope for better treatments and the ability to qualify for them.

momwriter

Thanks for the kind words all. It is nice to have a place to rant where people understand. . In general I feel positive and hopeful for more therapies and cures to become available. But occasionally I lmourn for the loved ones gone, for whom I was as hopeful and positive as I was for myself.

bcincolorado

Told kids about job layoff. Daughter (who lives in another State) basically said she thinks I am "not as well as I think I am" and should just file disability because apparently everything they visit they talk about how "sick" we both are. Really? We see them about 4 times a year and think they can decide how sick we both are. Our son thinks we need to move near him (he lives about 20 minutes from us) but our house is paid for and he thinks we are both so bad off we can't even do laundry apparently. Our house is cleaner than theirs with 4 kids in the house! Those who live in glass houses-----------

molliefish

it's been a frustrating couple of days. A dear friend passed on the 30th but I didn't find out until 02 Jan quite by accident on FB. I had actually just logged on to check on her since she'd been on my mind from the moment I woke up until I saw the notice from her daughter. Now I knew full well she was not doing well and her death sooner than later was not unexpected, but a shock none the less. I've been suffering (I know poor Me) from sore dry eyes all day.

Then today I get notified that my life insurance policy that I bought 10'years ago renews this year. Great! You say, you have life insurance. Yes this is great, until you relalize that the automitic renewal is 400+% higher than your original premiums. So from 685$ per year to 3400$ per year. Yes thats right, you read that correctly. That said, I was wished luck when I said I'd look for insurance elsewhere. You know that means the say your cancer has pre emptied you from gaining coverage elsewhere for less.

So has anyone successfully been insured for $750g for less than $3400 per year. (CDN)

Lita57

my life ins policy went from about 800 to almost 3,000 too, but what are ya gonna do?

L

nanette7fl

my DH just found out that I no longer have lifensurance! He's supposed to be calling them tomorrow to find out why. It's an auto deduction in his paycheck. Boy he's pissed off about that one!! (I am too!)