Fuzzy's Romp Room
Comments
-
reposted from STFU
Jan 4, 2013 08:33 AM Chevyboy wrote:
chevy, okay this is sssooooooooo great had to repost it here lovey.
-
sas - This is a picture of Charlize Theron from the movie The Astronaut's Wife. I believe that is the same as selenawolf's avatar.
-
LINDA-n, oh babe mets to the c-spine. Sucks. calling you sassy
-
sas - selenawolf's avatar is a picture of Charlize Theron in the movie The Astronaut's Wife. Here is a link to the photos:
-
Sassy...I just planted lily of the valley last year in one of my gardens....haven't seen them since I was a kid...great choice!! I loved your doggy story! Isn't that grooming...very tender moment there...
Please add to my bucket list: Lou Diamond Phillips. -
Linda, So sorry to hear the news. I hope the new med helps without horrible SE's.
-
Would some of you please go read my post over on "Older women with more sense" I didn't want to spam by dual posting but sure would appreciate your opinions, I feel like I must be a bit off of my rocker or trapped in sleep or somethingt.
Linda I am so sad to read your news. We are all here for you for support and hopefully some laughs along the way. Hugs.
Hugs Ginger
-
((( Linda ))) Mets suck! I do sooo hope that the Femara works well and doesn't make you miserable with side effects.
-
LINDA-n talked with J ---hope to talk tomorrow, Dear one you have gone through so much. You have tried to guide others in hope. Let your beautiful being sustain you and science find an answer. As we talked about the novenas and the last prayer. That last prayer has great meaning as you wrote it, believe in it L&H&P's sheila
-
There are here that believe differently, but Linda-n added this to previous novenas, I'm sure she would not mind me reposting it here. It's beauty is for all.
Linda-n3pb:
Thanks be to God for each moment of grace that comes from His love every day, all day.
Thanks be to God for the opportunity to share His love every day, all day.
Thanks be to God for the courage and strength to carry out His will for us every day, all day.
Thanks be to God for those who have gone before us, have shared their love with us, and showed us how to live the way Christ asks us to live.
-
Thanks for that Shiela.
Ginger
-
I'm up at this late hour debating going to the bathroom and taking a Benadryl. I had chemo yesterday and now my stomach is off and I'm aching from the zometa. I hate cancer.
I wore a long, curly wig to chemo. The nurses didn't recognize me. I told them that my hair grew over night. Chaz wanted to laugh so bad but I sat there with a straight face. I told him that I have to start drinking my prune juice/ miralax cocktail. He said that's. an old people drink. I pretended to slap him in the face. Silly guy. I told the nurse that he walked out of the room when I asked him about sex a while back. She laughed. She asked him if it was okay for her and her husband to have sex. He said to her that she was talking to me. They are a crazy group of people there.
Linda -sorry to hear about your mets. I hope the chemo helps. (((Hugs)))
Sas- love the cartoon.
The Benadryl is starting to work. I'm getting sleepy.
.(((((hugs))))) -
Veggy it's a repost of Chevyboys from STFU thread. I had to repost it here b/c so many of us can't do graphics. You are the QUEEN of graphics/animation. I have told you that soooooooooo many times. On OMG I'd give you a lead in line, Like Abbott and Costello........And the next post you would have the PURRRRfect---- Animation or Pic.
-
Well, pretty in the dumps, DBF knew the parameters, clearly, talked to him at 3pm and asked what the plan was for this evening. He said going to work really late. Now 4:53 am and no word. Can't tell if he's trying to sabotage or gain control. I don't think he understands normal. Well for sure, I know he doesn't understand normal or reasonable behaviour. BUT I knew that from the beginning, made concessions, now last friday I drew the line. Going to try to wait till Friday to see what he does with money. Sounds harsh. But the aggrement was he paid rent. Well did one week, then second week, I had the money in the drawer with some of his money that was to go into an account that I opened that he had access to by design. Completely separate bank and no access to my regular accounts. Didn't deposit it. He needed his money and then it was ALlllll gone from the drawer. May be I'm a flake, a person so trusting, a pigeon. Friday will tell. The next two-three days are going to be tuff. If He screws up, I will have to make a permanent decision. Only had two non-negotiable rules------he again broke one of them tonight. IF he breaks the second by Saturday, we're done.
-
Dangit Sassy! I think your "DBF" needs another wake-up call. I know, that the more rope these men get, the more inclination they have to hang themselves.
I grew up with bad behavior.... but just thought this was normal. The more we SEE this, and live it, we just assume that it's just how life is, that it isn't ALWAYS this way, and it will be better "tomorrow." We grow up thinking we can handle anything, because of our in-grained training and because we don't want to cause trouble.....
But once in awhile, either single or married, we just "break"..... and we can't take it anymore. You reach a point where everything you love... is no longer there.
That can also be the beginning of "freedom"...... There are resources out there, like battered women's shelters, 24 hour phone service, where someone is always there, to bring us down when we can't even THINK without sobbing. And the most important, is our friends.
It's like nothing will change, until we make it change. And sometimes being apart is the only way. Then, with that time apart, you will learn what you need to know about yourself, and about "him." You listen to women who have gone through this hurt and anger, and find a way for yourself, withOUT him.... if even temporary.
And then you can come out on the other side, with new feelings, and you can lose that fear that it will just happen again, and again.....
The only way you can find peace, is to believe in yourself, and know that being miserable is not part of your life! The "other" person has to learn your boundaries, and get help... and realize that if he wants you, that HE has to change. Maybe his problems are depression, bi-polar, alcohol, and just down-right mean, it all has to change...... If he honestly wants you, he will get help.
I went to classes for women one time.... Whether it is physical, or mental, abuse is abuse. If your love is still there, waiting for him to "come back" then it will happen. But going through that fear of being apart, of separation, of losing him, is something you have to go through.
Then things might start "coming together"..... your feelings will change from fear to feeling power..... you will maybe see significant changes in him, thinking that "maybe he really DOES love me".... when he wants to meet you "just for coffee"....
But time is sooooooo important. You can't stay together, and try and change things.... Both must have outside help, and guidance... and sometimes drugs for anxiety, depression, etc..... And YOU need promises from him, that will come, if he really wants to make it work.
I found that a church.... will help you find some sort of comfort when you feel your world is just falling apart..... I wasn't a church goer, but during that time, it was all I had..... THAT, and my friends, and my Daughter's love.
Looking back, if someone doesn't go through that awful time, they can't come out on the other side, knowing they ARE valuable, that no-one deserves to be treated badly, and they find strength to either go on alone in life, or to try it once more....
So it's been over 55 years together now.... And I think I would not want to live without him. I'm so dependent on him, on us together. It's like we learned what it's like to lose each other, but we found another chance, and we made it work.
Oh, okay.... my hands. Your problems sounds kind of like an allergy? Have you tried Claritin, or Zyrtec? Your nail-job might have started your problem, but it could have started some under-lying problem. And if any Cortisone cream can't help, which it didn't my problem, going on that Prednisone was really what helped mine. ... That, and the mile bleach bath, or rinses. I still cream my hands , but they look and feel so much better..... Hope this helps.
Sorry this is so long, but I just felt bad reading your post.... We expect things to just work out, and it hurts and disappoints us when it doesn't. I hope you find an answer..... xoxoxoxoxo
-
The church I found, used to open their services with this video and music...
-
-
Chevvyboy, I am cracking up!!!! Thanks so much for my first belly laugh this morning!!!
-
Does anyone in Fuzzy's RR watch "The Big Bang Theory"? That is one of my favorite go-to sitcoms for belly laughs, and I believe I have most of the lines memorized from watching the reruns of 5 seasons multiple times. I see DH in several of the characters, he sees ME in several of the characters.... sad state of affairs as to how truly geeky we are together... but I do hope not nerdy...
May you all have at least 5 belly laughs today!
-
Sas -- Your words: "two non-negotiable rules". He already severly broke one. Unless he was in a car accident... this morning you could ask him to pack his own stuff and leave. He will clean up his act -- or not. If he does then you can decide if you are still interested. If he doesn't, then you say you don't want him. If this is true -- then you know what to do -- and not with neatly ironed shirts on hangers his time... no new colone.
I was 20 years in an alcoholic relationship. We divorced in 2000 -- and I immediately fell in love with another heavy drinker.
And another.
And another.
I think that 20 years of co-dependency had me pretty well convinced that 'normal' WAS heavy drinking. Because I put up with it, those were the sorts of men I kept attracting.
Well -- the first time I went on E-Harmony was in 2004. I only communicated with men who SAID they drank once a week or less. So I met Denny -- who was 5 years younger than me and lived in a small town 3 hours south of me. He was really sweet -- probably treated me the nicest of any man I had ever known. And -- I never saw him drunk. We would have a couple of beers from time to time, but never more than a couple.
BUT -- telltale warning sign that only a co-dependant could ignore -- he had no driver's license -- had lost it because he was arrested in Minnesota for having his grandmother's pain meds in the car without Grandma along... and not in thier original bottles. His story -- his back hurt and Grandma gave them to him.
Anyway, we dated about 3 months, and I loved his small town life. I would slave away 3-4 days (trying to clean up and sell my business in KC and preparing for bankruptcy - long story -- but it was a very difficult time in my life where the financial problems associated to the major ex's excesses were really catching up to me -- legally I had hung onto that relationship too long, and joint bank accounts and joint business loans -- with someone who was WONDERFUL in many ways, but a total (high-functioning) alcoholic and heavy smoker (my God -- all the money spent on cigs and expensive beer over 20 years!).
One night Denny called me in a panic. He was crying. Had been in a terrible bicycle accident. Was bleeding badly and didn't have the money to call an ambulance -- was in shock and unable to decide what was reasonable to do.
I jumped in the car, still talking to him on the cell-phone, as I sped down the highway to rescue him.
It took me about 30 minutes to finally figure it out.
He was drunk. THAT is what all the terror and neediness was about.
I did something that I had never in my life done before. I told him to take 2 asprin, put a couple of towels on the bed, and lie down. That I was on my way. That he should try to sleep and when he woke up, I would be there.
And then I turned my car around and went home. I wrote him a long email, saying that I had lived with an alcoholic for 20 years -- and I wasn't interested in that drama anymore. That he was a great guy in many ways, and I wished him all the luck in the world, but he was not the man for me.
In the morning, Denny left me frantic phone messages and many appologetic emails.
I didn't respond.
He called my sister to ask her how to 'get me back' -- she told him to get his shit together and then contact me in a month. She suggested AA.
And -- he did it. Eventually, when I saw how he was pulling it together -- I relented, and we shared another year together. He went to AA meetings once or sometimes twice a day. Eventually we broke up over other stuff.
But I am SO happy for that experience -- because it was when I FINALLY stopped being that 'old me'. And -- the amazing thing is that doing what was right for me -- also turned out to be what was best for Denny!
He showed up at my dad's funeral last year. With his new (very nice) wife. He told me that I changed his life... that he was still clean and sober -- and he credited all that to me. That he had (after we split) finished college and become a drug and alcohol counselor!
And -- I have never dated another alcoholic since. I made my break with that sort of addictive behavior. I drew upon a strength that I didn't know I had that night of the bike accident. I did it like a zombie -- but I did it.
Sas -- Do what you know is the best for you. Stand up for yourself. You deserve a wonderful man who is not also F-'d up. If he can get his shit together then GOOD. But my hearty vote is to kick him back out on his butt and let him figure things out for himself.
A month apart will tell you a lot.
This is your opportunity to TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. You aren't going to find it in this relationship (or any other). You have it inside you... and it is your responsibility to create that happiness for yourself by creating a world around yourself full of people and things that inspire and uplift you.
Love you -- so so SO sorry for your turmoil -- You are a very smart woman -- and very compassionaate. Tough love, Honey -- you know it is the way.
Linda
-
Sas - my laptop is in a thousand pieces. It broke and its being fixed. I'm using my iPad and I lost all my sites where I get my graphics. This morning I feel crappy. I had a rough night. Stupid steroids.
Hugs -
Linda.... Your story sounds sooooo familiar.... thank you for sharing. We're always hoping for a happy ending, aren't we? Sometimes we get that and sometimes we just have to go down another road. Yes..... at least a month apart. Women run away from an abusive relationship.... on the average 5 times! By the end of that time, they will either STAY in it, or move on to a better life.....
If nothing changes, things will stay the same. And a break-up is not the end of the world. But it HAS to fix something. A week or two of promises is not enough. Not unless they get help to fix the issue, or are hell-bent in changing themselves to keep you.... and it takes at LEAST a month, or two, for YOU to know what you want, or are willing to settle for.
Taking yourself down to their level is so hurtful to you... And if "together" is not what you both want, then you will know what to do....
I don't mean the "trigger finger" Linda..... Ha, ha! Glad you liked it!
-
I believe that people come into our lives (and we into theirs) to learn the lessons that we are here on Earth to learn. If we know the 'right' answers to life's puzzles and don't act accordingly -- that is one certainly one choice we can make -- but I believe that the Universe will simplly persist in presenting us with the same lesson over and over again -- until we finally learn to make a better choice. Usually the consequences of those poor choices get harder and harder to bear, as the Universe tries harder and harder to teach us what we need to know.
There is nothing "wrong" with your BF, Sas. I am sure he is in many many ways a great person who entertains and cares for you and brings you solace. But he also undermines your happiness in other ways -- and it is your choice to decide whether the plus or minus column is the longest. What is most important to you?
I was very much in love with my alcoholics. And they were (in many ways) super nice men... much much more than "just" alcoholics. Each was funny and kind and intelligent and loving -- but also immature and irresponsible and sometimes insensitive and absolutely wounded enough that they simply were not ready to participate in the sort of multi-level spriritual/emotional loving connection that I longed for.
Seeing Denny at Dad's funeral was a shock for me. I was amazed to hear all the wonderful opportunity that he found in my drawing the line and leaving him ... (eventually it was still me who left him -- because even though he had quit drinking/drugging I later learned that he was a skilled/habitual liar who had begun cheating on me every time I left town to deal with things in KC. His addictive behavior had simply switched from drink/drugs to new/more-titilating secretive behaviors.) Denny was raised in an abusive home, and had learned to con his father by being (falsely) ultra-sweet and obedient -- to keep from being beat. Those old deceptive passive/aggressive behaviors from his childhood had become his distorted way of seeing (and living) his whole world. He 'took care' of himself by behaving addictively in his secret life... while on the surface seemed as innocent and beguiling as a child.
He needed professional help to break the pattern. It wouldn't have mattered if it was me or any other woman -- he would have been the same. Eventually (after I left him) he 'got it' -- and through therapy, (and by taking all the college Psychology courses) he began to identify and understand his own behavior... so he could finally make the changes. But as long I was there 'taking care of him' he was content to let me. It took my leaving for him to stand up and begin being a man.
The very best thing was for me to leave him. For me. For him. I truly believe that the Universe sent us into each other's lives because we both had lessons to learn... and we provided each other the avenue through which to better understand -- and learn to take care of -- ourselves. We were drawn together by need. But our seperation was the important part of our relationship! We both needed to learn the power and benefit of standing up for ourselves, instead of living for (or to spite) another person we 'loved'. Through seperation -- we both gained inner-personal-strength.
Chevy -- your earlier post really ressonated for me.
Sheila -- we are all pulling for you. Whatever you decide to do.
Linda
-
Great news here (not) this has really depressed me - now my mutilation is more likely to kill me too by 19%
-
Linda, so did yours.... You know, when we are very young, like 18-20, and we have LIVED with all these problems, we think of it as "that's how life is"... It wasn't happy, and all the men always drank, and made life miserable for the women.
But since that's all you know, that's what you think of as "normal." But it's only after you grow older, you are really hurt by this behavior....by your Dad, AND your own husband. It hurts not only you, but your kids, and it's THAT behavior that brings you to your knees.
You can then look into your life, thinking WTH? This is NOT making me happy...it is ruining our marriage, our lives, and it is NOT okay.
And yes, professional help had to get in there.... with both of us. You can't just shut them out of your life.... I tried. But living with someone for over 40 years, leaves a little "spark" in there somewhere. And then seeing them change, and humble, and remorseful, makes your heart want to see them again.... It was like starting all over, with someone "new"..... but familiar.
So going through that really made us stronger. You have to "fit" each other... to know that he wants and needs only you. It just takes time.... And you have to learn that you really can take care of yourself, that you CAN live without abuse.
When you grow up, and live with alcoholics, you have to learn that this is not normal. And when your boyfriend, or DH grew up the same way, it's just a wonder that these 2 lives can learn to love each other, no matter what. But the things you grew up with, and the lessons you learn along the way have to make you what you are today.
I learned to forgive my Dad.... For all the hell he put my Mom through... I only learned to love him after Mom passed away, and it was then that he knew that I would always be there for him. I finally could see through HIS pain, and his lonliness, and then I could really be "his Daughter."
I learned forgiveness, by just "giving up" all the hurt I knew, all those horrible years.... when I saw that without my Mom, he was nothing. We really became close and I loved him with all my heart. It was like I really wanted to see into his heart.....
He never gave up his drinking, even when my Brother and I tried an intervention with him.... but all those feelings I had for him just went away, when we lost Mom.... And I learned "forgiveness" with my own Husband.... when I could walk away (5 times) and go back to someone I could learn to love again. So nothing is forever, except hope.
-
-
Lily...don't go to those links girlie!! No no no...bad bad bad...they are depressing and you know it! So, next time, you'll have to tap your own hands and pretend I am saying "No no no..."
Sassy...boys are dumb (apologies to the smart boys). In you post, there is a moment that says what you really expect - you don't really expect him to follow the rules. You like this bad boy. It's very unconventional and keeps you from "normal" - which isn't as enjoyable as it could be. There are so many moments where he is everything and more - and a few moments that are so horrible that you draw the line - only to bend your own "rule". honey, you don't need any rules. It's your house...he's a guest really. If I understand his story, and I probably have a little bit of an understanding, he can't be told what to do - he has all of these terrible habits and this one way of thinking - could take a decade to make him see how wonderful things could be. It's really that embedded. Almost neandrothol (spelling? Close? No?) There is nothing stopping you from booting his ass out the door - you made a pretty tough stand last Friday, but, just as he is sticking to his way, was this your way?
Here's what I think...how about you don't come home one night? Or maybe two? Maybe Mr. Right is out there waiting for you? Sounds like a load of crap right? That's because you know what you want....Mr. Wood to straighten up and fly right. It takes more than a few months to make this lemonade...let me tell ya...
-
Yes disappear for the weekend and don´t tell him............when you do meet him again say you thought this was the kind of relationship he wanted where neither person respects or considers the other................ and if he is not distraught with light bulbs all over his head dump him...
Fuzzy lemon - it was just in my newspaper there....i did not go googling as am depressed enough....honest...!!!
-
LOL...I believe you Lily....Burn that newspaper and all the information in it! wink wink...
I love that..."I thought that was the kind of relationship you wanted..." WAHAHAHAAA
-
Lily, They were only looking at Stages 1 and 2. There were a number of other factors that were not considered. One was whether or not the person had chemo. I don't trust a study until it is replicated at least once. Consider what they have told us about eating eggs: best food around, not good for you, only yolks are bad for you, eating eggs is just fine, and now they'll kill you outright. Considering how long people have been eating eggs, I doubt that last finding.
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team