Fuzzy's Romp Room

Adey

Ha!  I call my youngest Boo.  She is pre Monsters Inc.  We can use all the hugs we can get, right?  Take care girl.

Lily55

Hi think I need to romp as struggling big time again, a few weeks ago felt the same cried every time I was in my car alone and now i am back doing it again - could it be cycles of the moon, has c really made me a lunatic?  Drove past a lovely cat one day, next day it was lying in the road dead, that set me off on the way to work, I cry there and I cry on my way back, I am always exhausted and now I dare not go to bed as having an MRI tomorrow as have symptoms of recurrence on my other side (from very early days when I did not know it was anything ) so imagining this year will be a repeat of the last, glad I have the MRI but it is raking up too much stuff, and I am curled up inside at thought of having to be seen in my wrecked state again by yet another new person......I so hate that and well up just writing it....and of course my oh so reliably unsupportive partner has not even offered to be there or asked how I feel about it or if there is anything I need etc......yet he knows how devastated I was a few weeks ago about my last test when I need to take my bra off.......I don´t think he cares or loves me anymore, I really don´t......... I cannot even begin to describe just how incredibly lonely I feel and how ashamed of having breast cancer I am.......why should I feel ashamed?  But I do, I feel condemned to a king of living (existing) hell and I don´t seem able to make it better for myself as I feel so damn sad all the time.......sorry not a good post......

sas-schatzi

Lily,doesn't help to hear we've all been where you are right now or are still there. Come here often to let it out. Also, seek a counselor that has training in cancer issues. Your MO's office will have their name(s). I didn't get into counseling for 6 months after diagnosis, by that time I was deep into depression. Please, make the call tomorrow. Glad your with us, stay awhile sassy.

Chevy-Triamicolone is a steroid product. If doc says it's okay to cover by using the white gloves , but if answer is unknown , hold off till you get a definitive answer. Glad your hands are better. Thank god for the routine and drugs. I only had the Bleach bath. Couldn't tolerate the topical steroid. The itching/burning was a nightmare.

 Veggy brains are back from the alcohol break. Sorry about the infection. Call your MO or PCP and ask for Homehealth referral for " nurse for wound care and dressing change." When nurse comes out you can ask for nursing assistant to assist with personal care(bath & bed change) if you feel you need it or ask for at the same time as the nurse. Know you said you were going to PCP's office tomorrow for dressing change, but need to get plan going so you are covered for the weekend. May want to get a wound care specialist doc referral for "recommendation for wound care management". Did they do cultures and are you on antibiotic? Many dressing products and approaches, PS/BS may not be up on the latest or they could be the specialist.  Newest products and approaches can shorten length of time to healing. Hugs dear sister sheila

Veggy here's the link

http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=44&id=754935&page=1

dunesleeper

I just got back from my f2f breast cancer support group. The nurse told me I should definitely file a complaint about that nurse practitioner. It was very nice to be validated so adamantly.

All those women had a rough month. Damn! One even had a mini-stroke.

Nobody commented on my picture I posted for you. That's my bird, Peaches. He's on my knee now. I think he was on my knee in the picture too.

thefuzzylemon

Dunes...I loooove the birdie pic! Do You have any where he's fluffed up? Those are my favs!

Veggy...I just about peed when I saw the tiger pic. That was perfectly placed!! Im sorry. That Damn incision has really taken on a life of its own.

Lily....don't you dare apologize!! We are all here for you. You will never be alone. C sucks...sucks ass...sucks monkey ass. I am embarrassed and ashamed on a pretty deep level too. I 100% believe that posting here, talking with people who love you the way we do, we do not judge...its the healthiest thing to do. Let it out. Do it your way and as often as you like.

Chevy....so glad you found something that worked!! WHOOT WHOOT!

seems like I've missed something...damn brain...

Well, im back from PS. It will probably never happen...a decent left breast that is. And, the pain I have may be permanent. Somehow, I need to go into "radical acceptance" in this situation. Im pretty far away from accepting anything right now...oh, and he thinks I may experience infections once or twice a year!! Horrible pain, super high fevers...stupid monkey ass sucking crap....but, the wonderful news is....the lump I thought I felt under my right arm doesn't seem to be concerning. Ahhhh....I'll take that.



Hey!! Fuzzy loves you. All of you. I'm in on that group hug. Can we make that a daily event?

dunesleeper

WTF! Fuzzy. Did they tell you that you should expect bad infections a couple times a year? That doesn't sound right. As far as the foob being what we had hoped, I pretty much accept that mine is going to be a painful thing. You know I loved my plastic surgeon, but as nice as he is, he doesn't get that it is painful. He says there is no reason for it to be, that it is numb. Well, yeah. It is that . . . and it is painful. LOL. Why should you experience infections???

I don't think I have any pictures of Peaches fluffed. He tends to lose his fluff when the camera comes out.

thefuzzylemon

Well...this is kinda interesting. I had treatment in one city and surgeons in another. So, my surgeon has another patient who followed the same thing I did...we both had radiation in the other city...and that patient is having identical problems that I'm having and she gets infections about every 6 months. He said "it seems like a SE from.the radiation treatments at that facility". Crazy, right?

So....little birdie is camera shy, huh? That just makes him cuter!!! LOL

dunesleeper

I wonder if there might be a supplement that could help prevent that from happening Fuzzy. Certainly that was some discouraging news. If that actually plays out it would be rotten. Maybe Sas will know something that could help. It is crazy.

dunesleeper

This cold weather stinks. I stopped using dryer sheets because of the chemicals in them, and so I am extra static-y, and my skin is sooo dry. I just applied some coconut oil, and every time I do that I think of you, Fuzzy, and your camping trip during the summer.

Wren44

Dune, Love the picture of peaches. DIL had a bird like that named Chico. She had him for a long long time; I think he passed from old age. He was sweet and I imagine that Peaches is also.

dunesleeper

Yeah Wren. He is sweet, except when he is rotten. I guess I have to take the blame for his rottenness.

Lily55

Thank you for all your kind comments, I really do feel soooooo miserable and alien to myself. I am not reconstructed, and have had a LOT of pain after rads - I would not accept there is pain and guaranteed infections - ask for a good physio who understands scar tissue and how to get your body to absorb and flush away the burned tissue and repalce it with healthy - I know the consultants say this can never happen but it must, as every cell in our body is completely different after a period of 7 years (each one changes at different times) and healthy tissue does replace scar tissue or at least allow blood flow to increase movement - I definitely have more movement on my shoulder since starting physio on scar area and if you have flow there then infection cannot build up cannot it - that sounds REALLY weird to me

Anonymous

               Fuzzy's request.

kathindc

Veggy, your pictures are always right on target.  Where do you find them?  I've got some really good winter ones but can't for the life of me figure out how to attach them.  Oh well, this is one time this old dog has not been able to figure out a new trick but I keep trying!  Who knows, one day I just might figure it out. ha, ha.

dunesleeper

Kath, to the best of my knowledge you can only attach a link to the picture. I upload mine to photobucket, then click the html link there, which automatically copies it. Then I come here and click on the the thing that looks like a tree above next to the smiley face. That brings up the link form. I paste the link into there and when done, it displays the picture. Sometimes it comes out very large and then I have to change the size, but you don't really have to worry about that. Get the basics down first.

ridergirl

Good Morning ladies, I too would love to figure out the pic thing, keep seeing things and thinking 'oh the girls would love this' but can't get it to work :-(

Anyway crappy day with dr appts yesterday - my MO (at least she was nice this time, first time I met her I hated her) agrees with me that the chemo stopped working, so now she wants to switch me from FAC to Taxol, which means more sessions, this fri was scheduled to be my last - had the celebration planned and everything.  Feeling really down now, like will it ever end.

Ladies who have done both did you find the Taxol easier to tolerate? Just wondering cause MO says it is, for most people.  then again guess I must not be 'most people' or the FAC would have done its job.

Then met with social worker who is really helpful but in offering me forms for power of attorney etc really reminded me that I am going to die, sooner rather than later.

THen CT and mapping for radiation, went ok except of course thats the appt wher I get the cute tech and have to lie there with my top covered up but my panties down around my knees so they can do the tats.  Ones on hips were fine but the one thats just about right on top of my pubic bone hurt like hell. I'm worried that I jumped and maybe its not in the right place. Still haven`t even decided if i`m gonna do the rads, guess I`d better make my mind up soon!  Also found out my RO is very ill and gone for a month so another new doc. Grrrrrr.

Finally met with pain and symptom management Dr. - whom I really like but won't see anymore as he has passed my care over to my new PCP who is much closer to home. One good thing  is I got the forms filled out so all I have to do now is get to the MTO office and I will have a handicapped parking sticker - which I only intend to use when I need it but there are days right after treatments where just the walk to the store wears me out so for those times it will be great!

Then bloodwork to get ready for chemo Friday. Long day and not much good news...came here to read last night but didn`t feel up to posting.  Still don`t rally but you ladies are always so good at cheering us up and so supportive.....

(((((hugs))))) to alll - love you girls

dunesleeper

Gosh Rider. That certainly is not the best possible news. Let's all pray the Taxol works. No fair dying sooner rather than later. Please don't give up hope. I really value your presence.

kathindc

kathindc

dogeyed

DUNE, as soon as I saw the picture of your parrot, I noticed how clean and well-groomed he is.  You are doing something right for that bird to look so neat.

LILY, oh dear, your emotions are right on the surface. And then you are basically exposed regularly to your personal part of your body by all sorts of people.  And I can really identify with the poor deceased cat on the roadway.  I was walking along the very front of our yard between the road and the fence, picking up any big trash that flies off and into that area, and I saw a sweet little bunny rabbit who had been hit by a car and was gone. We have a little burial spot for such things, but it was too far, so I picked up the little furry fellow and put him over near a fence post where there were a lot of leaves and covered him as best I could.  This world is filled with sadness, it's a place of survival, and I guess, Lily, just l ike me, you hate that part of living. 

LILY, hon, I feel especially bad about your husband's total lack of care.  Our daughter in Florida is getting divorced, it's tearing my husband up because his divorced wife, which he still had feelings for, was murdered by an old high school boyfriend dating her again, what a horror, husband collapsed in his doorway at the news.  The timing was almost the same as mine, when my boyfriend was killed in a car wreck, police came to door, and I collapsed in my door.  Our human attachments are some of the strongest there is.  I wish your husband would at least tell you his feelings about this, as hard as it is for them.  Thank heavens for our little pets.  I could not live without my dog, but then again,I have a sympathetic husband.  But even so, like all men, he often is so distant, so I feel lonely too.  All I can do is just live my life, am thankful at least he's nice to me and holds my hand when I cry.  But you, you ain't got nothing.  You have entirely too much stuff to deal with and still remain sane.  I agree with SASSY, if you haven't been seeing a counselor or psychologist, the cancer place can help you with that, or hell just look in phone book for a group of psychs to pick, the group docs are better.

LILY, I think today's MRI is very scary to you, also.  It's like it never ends and the fear is huge and goes on for a long, long time, and it tires us out.  And for YOU OTHERS who are having pain from the rads, they ought to give you something for it.  Good grief, I recall it burned so bad towards the end there!  And for you others who are dealing with periodic infections, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT.  SASSY, can you perhaps fill us in on what seems to me to be poor treatment by docs?  And FUZZ, I am VERY angry to hear you have pain so much and also will have infections too.  WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?  Can't you have some medicine for the pain?  Pain can drive a person crazy.  I'm well over a year after the END of my treatments, no reconstruction, and I do not have pain or infections... and no one said I would.  On the other hand, I do take pain meds for my fractured back, so maybe I'm not noticing anything in my ex-boob.  But it still does not sound natural AT ALL to have to live with constant pain and periodic infections, that is quite strange to me.  GG 

kathindc

Dunesleeper, thank you for the suggestion.  Messed up the first try as you can see by the delete but got it the second time.  Old dog learned a new trick, arf, art!

Ridergirl, I'm so sorry to hear your news.  You sound like one tough lady.  Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous

Dune does the same thing thing I do with pictures. Its the easiest.

Saw my doc today. He saw my incision for the frst time. I cried the whole time I was there. I'm just exhausted. They told me that I had  slight fever. I just want to go back to bed.

Hugs!!

kathindc

(((((Veggy))))), go back to bed.  I hope you feel better real soon.  You have been through so much.

dunesleeper

I hope you get some rest Veggy. Such emotionality is exhausting. Does anyone know why we get so emotional? Is it "just" PTSD, or is it the hormone thing? One lady at my f2f support group said she is doing so much better on a different hormone blocker. I guess she was on an aromatase inhibitor at first, but now she's on Tamoxifen. She has noticed that the crying has stopped. Now, I don't take the prescription hormone blockers, but I do take it in supplement form. I know I was doing a lot of crying. A lot of that stopped after my experience with Nurse Nancy. My anger toward her made me stronger in a way, colder and harder but stronger.

sas-schatzi

Veggy?????????You know fever can be b/c of bodies response to infection, we discussed getting a handle on that, but it can be b/c of dehydration, beginning problems elsewhere like chest and not breathing deep enough. Oodles of things. Hope you were able to read that link. It's 3 pages long though and each post has some pearls to offer. But exhaustion does not lend to being able to read and absorb anything. .Call if I can help.

sas-schatzi

Dunes (Peaches is beautiful  & Fuzzy, re: chronic infection--somethings not being told to you. To say that "You may have several infections a year". Questions --some raised by you both and others. 1.Why? Is there an organism present? Is there a predisposition for site to be infected i.e poor blood supply b/c of scarring post sx's and radiation? Clarification by surgeon would help you get a handle on it. I hate this.

sas-schatzi

Gail, you question about why do some docs seem not to care? I would expand that to include why do some medical people seem not to care? It's a conundrum(puzzle). By the nature of the work, we(the queen's we) should care about all our actions related to each patient. Why then is there widespread problems?

The first thought is TIME and CIRCUMSTANCE. Each patient contact is meant to accomplish something. The time allotted is short, so if one is thorough the time can go beyond the allotted time and throw the whole schedule off. A nursing study on patient satisfaction during hospital stay concluded that "satisfaction scores improved if patients got to talk to their nurse for 5 minutes a day" I was flabbergasted. I thought selfishly on one hand--"no wonder I never get out on time" on the other hand I understood why my patients loved me. The task to be completed was important, but the teaching was paramount to me. Patients NEED to KNOW the who/what when /where/why/howmuch /how often/risks/what to report/ on and on. When the teaching is not done the patient is at risk for complications that could have been avoided if they knew. Hence the explosion of patient/professional centered information on the internet. People not given enough information will seek information until they find enough answers to satisfy their NEED to KNOW. The problem with this is trying to formulate the questions when it's out of your knowledge base. So, I've always felt that this is the origin or genesis of the importance of any medical field practioner to teach re: the circumstance they are presented with for a patient. Circumstance. Used here to mean "contact for a reason". Each patient contact is an OPPORTUNITY to teach.

Specialization of all medically related aspects has lead to a decrease of the broad based knowledge once consisdered necessary to practice. For each field there is the necessary basics. To advance to specialization then requires the specialized training. What can be forgotten are the broad based knowledge learned in the basics. For each specialty area, daily time to learn new material should be alloted into the schedule. That takes discipline and CARE. Caring enough to keep up with the new. May sound trite, but it isn't. This is where over the years I have found the biggest difference between the excellent to the run of the mill practioners.

That's why I teach here. If you know what is and should be, then you know what is good care and all less than that, so, you can protect yourself from less than what good care is.

All of BCO is about teaching and learning. Every posts origin has one or the other in it.

It breaks my heart each time I read about something that shouldn't be, or shouldn't of happened.

sas-schatzi

Dunes, your question re:emotions, I think blends into what I said to Gail and all about knowing. When we know, we can develop a plan--todays catch phrase is "startagies" to deal with a problem facing us. When we lack knowledge the situation "feels" out of control. So, why then do we experience emotions out of character for the situation? Neurochemistry inclusive of all chemical signals sent back from the body that the brain then has to manage can get wacked out (good medical term?). The old song that the" foot bone is connected to the ankle bone etc." is true. The body has so many pieces and chemicals to make it work, then we add all the stuff from what we ingest and are exposed too, the whole organism is assaulted in trying to work. The development of drugs/surgeries/treatments while prolonging life and quality at the same time can cause so many problems. Hundred years from now many things done in this time period will be looked at as barbaric. Just as we look at things from 100 years ago in many cases as being barbaric. One intervention of recent history was the LOBOTOMY. Nobel prize. Now is in the barbaric category.

Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns

Re lobotomy -- I read a fascinating book called "My Lobotomy" -- true story written by a man whose parent's got him a loboyomy in the 50's -- when he was a teenager -- because he was a 'troubled' kid. Heard about the book on National Public Radio -- they interviewed the author, and raved about the book. I concur!

dunesleeper

Peaches says thank you.