Fuzzy's Romp Room

ridergirl

Hello ladies..have been reading but not posting too much here, been trying to collect up info/opinions to help me decide about doing rads or not. Just had the initial meetimg with my new family dr today..she is actually a palliative medecine specialist so a really good fit for me, also she's young (in her 30s) and really nice and she seems to want to work with me to help minimize all the s/e's as much as possible. I asked about upping the dose of effexor, and also about changing my sleep aid which isn't helping me to sleep, and she has suggested instead that I try taking the effexor in AM, and prescribed Remeron to take with my sleep aid at bedtime. After a week or two i'm to start taking only half of the sleep aid with the Remeron and we'll see how that works.  Its supposed to help mood and also help sleep so....here's hoping.  She also said if it doesn't work there are other things to try including upping the effexor like I had asked for.

All in all a positive day so far just wish that I could actually feel some happiness from it......

((((hugs)))) 

dunesleeper

Linda-n3

Ridergirl, my PCP is also a palliative care specialist! I fired my first PCP when she refused to refer me to palliative care for symptom management. I so get what you are saying - I have actually had a pretty good day overall, but no real joy or happiness either, just kind of feeling nothing. But remember that this is OK - it is what it is - and it will change.



(((((hugs for you, too!)))))

Anonymous

My DD showed up and I forgot to hit submit.  Now for some flowers.  Let's do lilacs for one, forget-me-nots and poppies today.  I will do all in one post so I don't draw attention by same person posting over and over on the active topics.  The flower essences are a very personal 'support' system, depending on what one needs.  But by just going with it, choosing favorites, it gives a drift of the flowers.  Mostly Dr. Bach, a homeopath and medical physician who developed these, he used the more wild flowers in Wales, those from ground, shrubs and trees.  He also used the Rock Water which is spring water from St. Thomas well.  But the spring flowers were developed by flower essence intuitives in North America, including some from Alaska.  So I do have access to some limited information here at home and online.  Green Hope Farm in NH is one of the most developed for roses.  I will use a compilation of some of her work on the different roses tomorrow, so they are coming.

Since Bach did not develop these flowers as essences, there have been many who went their own way and have many opinions from their intuitive readings of waht the flowers give.  I am winging a lot of this on lilacs especially.  I think they are a solid flower as you will see.....

LILACS  A favorite for me too and lilac is what I would smell after my mom passed, I knew she was sending love and support for some reason I needed.

 

Lilacs - lilac is a pillar of strength, giving strength and a stabilizing effect.  For those who are carrying their own load, lilac offers the gift of strength.  A lifting of the burden like an old friend comes to support you.  The pinnacles of lilac reveal the alignment that it brings to all. Seldom do you find a flower like this with a nearly ramrod straight spine itself.  The flower essence of lilac can actually influence the alignment and spinal column of person and animal. 

FORGET-ME-NOTS

Look at the open faces and clear eyes.  Forget-me-nots take us back to what we need to remember for our spiritual and emotional happiness. I am pooling information from the Flower Essence Society, Green Hope Farm and Alaskan Flower Essences.  This is a well developed essence.  Green Hope Farm - FUZZY!!! listen to this, this one sentence is for you.... "Desert forget-me-not helps us remember ourselves before difficulties left their mark, reclaim our joy and delight in the world and our sense of the world as a gift unfording before us, not as a punishment to be endured."  She explains how the desert forget-me-not has white face and yellow eyes, that this one remembers the desert before it was a desert. Help to regain our childhood innocence.

Alaskan says for feeling separate and that your deeper connections to others are blocked by subconscious fears and from guilt of past actions.  Allows a release from guilt, fear, pain that we hold in subconscious so we are able to reegain respect for ourselves and have compassion for ourselves.  This in turn can be given to others once we give to ourselves.

FES reading summarized is for loneliness, isolation, cannot connect spiritually with others.  But the flower essence of forget-me-not can bring deep mindfulness of subtle realms and bring soul-based relationships that we need.   Says that to heal wounds from human culture, we need to rise above, lift our consciousness.  Awakens the soul to the greater love of the human family when that love has been broken.

ICELANDIC POPPIES

Though there are other poppies, such as opium and Californian, I have chosen Icelandic poppies because these were devloped by Alaskan and Green Hope.  See their paper like qualities, these represent a lack of strength, spiritual energy, a weak sense of spiritual identity, even issues with survival, sexual and spiritual aspects not being integrated as one being.  They are born for supporting ever so gently the "unfolding of spiritual receptivity" and for us to radiate spiritual energy into all of our life.  Adding though, the California poppy is different, sturdy golden petals like a chalice, helping us to anchor in our hearts for that wild spiritual ride when everything begins to go forward and we don't know what is truth for us and what to leave out.  Helps us follow our heart which knows the way.

I will do more flowers tomorrow.  Feels wonderful to get out all my books and notes again from lessons too.  Thank you all for sharing favorite flowers.

LOVEEssa

ptdreamers

Dune, I listen to soothing music and read inspirational messages like the one posted below. 

January 16, 2013
Opening a Closed Connection
Consciously Reconnecting

by Madisyn Taylor

If you feel abandoned or cut off from Spirit, know that it is always there for you waiting for you to plug back in.

There may be times when we feel like our connection to the universe is closed. Maybe things don’t seem to be going well in our day, or our lives, or we may feel out of our element. The truth is, the universe is always there for us. We know that we create our experience with our thoughts, and this is another way we need to make a conscious decision about how we want to experience life. It is up to us to do the work of making the connection, because nobody can do it for us, though sometimes the universe may send us wake-up calls. 
You can think of it as getting some fresh air. We are always breathing and the air is always around us, surrounding us, moving through us. But we may need to step outside of where we are in the moment—physically, mentally, or emotionally—and make the conscious choice to take a deep breath in order to feel the air coming in and going out. Whether this means stepping outside physically or merely shifting our thoughts, it is only our perception that changes; the air remains the same. 
It is just as easy to reconnect with the universe. Using the same technique as a breath of fresh air, a deep breath can bring us back to our center. As we inhale, we fill our bodies with the oxygen needed to replenish our most basic physical needs, allowing the air to circulate within us. Exhaling, we release the stale, the used, the potentially toxic air, removing any blocks that may keep us from going deeper into the stillness that lies at our center where we connect to the universe. Feeling closed off does not need to be a negative experience. When we become conscious of it, we can think of the wholeness of a closed circuit, which allows electricity to connect and flow properly. Our bodies work the same way, and when we make that connection in our minds, it can help bring us back to the connection we seek.

Chevyboy

Dreamers!  I just copied your post & sent it on to my oldest Daughter.... I loved it. 

And MBBEssa... I loved what you wrote about the flowers...  It's a beautiful way of finding so much happiness in something as innocent as a flower.  Another way of knowing why we love looking at them so much.  Just finding joy or peace, while "looking" differently at the same flower we have seen maybe yesterday.  Thank you...waiting for more flowers....

lisamarie68

Good Morning everyone .. hope you are all doing well, I am working my 12 hours today . I was just thinking of you all ... Hugs 

Lisamarie

Anonymous

Sometimes people feel they c annot breathe, hence all the anxiety meds.  I use these flower essences instead.  Not saying to go off any meds, just saying... sometimes people cannot breathe.

ROSES for those whose favorite flowers are roses, what are you soaking up in your garden...

The only rose Dr. Bach developed was Wild Rose

WILD ROSE

See the wilted demeanor of the wild rose, frail, tired, pale.  The patterns of imbalance are resignation and lack of hope, especially with a lingering illness and giving up on life.  But the opposite is what this flower offers, as with homeopathy, I should say that like assists like, here frail and pale assists frail and pale to become......... to have a will to live and joy in life.  Similar to the California Wild Rose, the English Rose developed first in Wales addresses the soul's resignation and depletion of vitality.  For all life's struggle, there can come apathy, loss  of interest in life, a need for inner healing.  The wild rose brings that inner healing and will to live, joyfulness for life again.  Reminding us, teaching us the sacredness of life  and the precious opportunity we have with every minute.

Paraphrased from Flower Essence Society and my memory.....

Also there are roses that do the same.... Fairy Rose for laughter, joy, playfulness like dolphins, to remember and reclain the realm of wonder for ourselves.   The yellow Graniana Rose for happy reverie in aligning the creative of ourselves with the divine.   The Mary Rose for housecleaning of the heart.  Therese Bugnet Rose is a pale mauve and helps one to find contentment with their outward appearance, return to a place of balance about looks and to release all concerns that take enjoyment from your life.  The Alex Mackenzie Rose for courage when there is pain and adversity.  Fortitude in life when tired, during hard decisions. This rose reveals the gifts by the way it grows... from Green Hope description... robust workhorse... velvety blossoms... rich deep pink... blossoms look fragile but ar impermeble to wind and wather.... Each crisply articulated petal refuses to crumple in the face of circumstances that would leave many roses battered and bruised.  Sturdy branches shoot straight to the sky, topped with a steady stream of blossoms all summer long again..... indicative of its stamina, clear purpose and steadiness."  Thank you Green Hope for all your work with the flowers.

Here are roses for the day then.  Cannot think of a better place for stamina, steadiness, fortitude, inner healing and joy.

Alex Mackenzie Rose

  Therese Bugnet Rose

   Yellow Graniana

   Fairy Rose

Tomorrow I can do iris.

LOVEEssa

thefuzzylemon

LoveEssa...what you are sharing with us is awesome!!! Thank you..please don't stop! And PT...Sounds like you have a lot that you could teach me too!! LoveEssa...I really enjoyed the info on the Desert Forget Me Nots. Right on the money.

I have to think that we continue to love and support each other like the beautiful family that we are...but, I just realized that we really do teach each other in a really unique way. So sensitive and caring...true experience and understanding. I'm always so impressed by each of you.

Wren44

I think I am going to have to stop driving. I was on my way to the animal shelter about 4pm. The street is a major arterial with a 4 lane highway and a draw bridge over the ship canal. Just as I got to the grated part that goes up, a man dashed across the bridge and stopped about 2 feet away from me (I could not have avoided hitting him if he hadn't). It's about 42 degrees and he's barefoot. Lucky for him, the car in the lane he was in was far enough back so it could stop. I don't think he was trying to kill himself, but he almost did. I can't figure out what he was doing, because there's a hill he must have gone up to get to that point. I'm pretty sure he could have walked across under the bridge. WTF!!!

thefuzzylemon

WHOA!!! what was that all about?? Super scary!!

I know a woman who got stuck in a traffic jam on a 6 lane highway in California, left the vehicle, dashed into the oncoming traffic on the other side....didn't survive. Totally intentional....was this man in that State of Mind?

Wren44

Hard to say. I can't imagine doing that unless someone was chasing me with a knife or something and that was the only way to get away. It's certainly not a place where you expect to see pedestrians crossing.

lisamarie68

Hi everyone .. I love the flowers and stuff.. seems so serene .. I am at work for another 12 hour shift . I am still stressing over my upcoming surgery . I am really scared . my nerves are uptight . i have not had any lunesta to sleep still waiting for DR to do a prior auth so I can pick it up, it's been a lot of sleepless nights ... then working ..man I feel tired as all hell..I also have my upcoming move to my new apt feb 1 .. so much going on .. still feeling very sad and alone ... blah ! hope someday my life will yet again be filled with smiles, laughter, and love ... (praying) have a great day everyone 

Lisamarie

Anonymous

Wren, would have shook me up too, sounds like out of an action movie and someone really could have been chasing him.

Got a call on endo tests, upping B12 and more T3T4 compound thyroid for afternoon.  Said my D3 was optimum level but I am taking more anyway, D3 and BC go hand in hand, and the levels they say are opt are really really low.  But the ER and PR are still low and level to one another which is terrifying when they are not.  So am glad they are, thank goodness.

Iris later today.

LOVEEssa

Anonymous

Called my plastic surgeon office yesterday. I complained about the incision oozing and smelling bad. They wanted me to come in NOW. I just had chemo the day before and felt like crap. I didn't want to ride for 2 1/2 hours to get to his office. They said to come NOW. He took out the stitches and I didn't feel anything. He noticed a seroma and I could feel it swishing around. He snipped it with a pair of scissors and gave it a couple of squeezes. My husband said that it looked like a fountain coming out of me. I didn't feel him snip me. He filled up the seroma with a long, narrow piece of gauze. I could feel him pressing on the ribs. That felt weird. Most of the time I was laughing. It beats crying. Today I am weak and tired. When I had y chemo they said that my white counts were down. So probably between the chemo and the seroma, they brought  them down. Today I will be resting as much as I can.

                                                            Hugs!

Anonymous

Veggy - I remember there were a few weeks before and after surgery that I felt like I could just set up camp in the parking garage at the hospital.  Rest now, while you can.  Hugs.

LOVEEssa

ridergirl

Veggy hope you get all the rest you need and feel better

Had my appt today with BS and he feels there is no reason I need to have the breast removed as long as it's not too painful, weeping etc for me.  I assured him I can handle it just the way it is. In my mind I had decided I didn't want the surgery, soooooooooooo nice to have a professional agree with me that I don't need it. Doing a little happy dance....

Adey

Peaceful rest Veggie.

Dance Rider dance!

Hi Fuzz.

Linda-n3

Veggy, hope you get some rest. That trip is long enough even when you are feeling well, and when you feel like c**p, it's so much more difficult. If I could, I would plump your pillows, make you some hot cocoa or a hot toddy, put on some soothing music, and tuck you in tonight. I hope you sleep well tonight, my friend.

thefuzzylemon

Hey there Addey!!!! XOXOXO

Veggy...I'm so glad they took care of that IMMEDIATELY! How are you doing now? Is the gauze still in there?

LisaMarie...you are not alone. And, you can just have a tiny start here with all the love we have for you. Its a start.

Rider...yeah!!! That's great news!!!

I'm going to see my PS on Wednesday for a follow up. Ugh...im just so irritated about this whole damn process altogether.



Has anyone ever heard of a "circle of friends"? That's what we are here....I really connected to that and I think that's exactly what we have.

FireKracker

Addy...nice to see you..

VEGGY..miss u...get beta soon.xoxoxo

And yes get some much needed rest..

Linda-n3

There was a book by Maeve Binchy "Circle of Friends." She is one of my favorite easy-reading authors. Sets her novels in Ireland, develops her characters and interweaves their lives, not just in this book but in all of them. She died last year, and her last novel was published after that. I have read most of her novels, they are somewhat "formula" but I love her "formula"! She shows humans in all their failings, but usually rescues them. That is what we do here: we rescue each other!



Hugs to all today.

Anonymous

I did nothing yesterday. I was so exhausted. It seems like every chemo now is sucking more energy out of me and then the seroma on top of it. The gauze stays in until Wedneday. I can hear some fluid in there swishing around. Does this ever end?

lisamarie68

Feel better Veggy big hugs to you , and Fuzzy I am glad we are in this circle of friends .. thank you all for being my friends .. sometimes without u all I would loose my mind .. anyway on my 3rd 4th 12 hour shift for the week ... next week 5 .. ugh.. but I am getting the keys to my studio apt and I am so happy to have a place to call home ...

Love and hugs 

Lisamarie 

dunesleeper

I walked three times around the industrial park today. I had to push myself to do one time around. Then when I made it once around, instead of going home, I decided to push myself to do a second one. Then I did it again for the third time. It was a sunny day here, and I thought it was important to try to get out and be in it. I am hoping I will go hiking tomorrow. The alarm is set for 8 am. I spent money on hiking sticks, and although they have not arrived yet, I figure I ought to go do it since I spent that money. When they start taking taxes out of my retirement pay I will be beating myself over the head with those sticks.

I'm trying to get off the xanax. It is not going well.

I hope you feel better Veggy, and good luck lisamarie.

FireKracker

((((((((((((((Veggy)))))))))))))))it's gotta get beta..when u are down the only place to go isUP....xoxoxo

Wren44

Someone wrote a book in the 60's titled "Been down so long it looks like up to me"

dunesleeper

LOL Wren. I can totally dig it.

dogeyed

Oh my Dearest Sisters, I love you all!
I've been gone for a while, I am SO sorry, it's not fair to you nice people that I just wander off like the airhead tht I am.  But I got over my pneumonia and have more energy, and I did read all the pages I missed.  I also very much missed some of the exchanges of topics that I was interested in, so I'll try to throw in a few of those.  I did want to comment, tho, on DUNE and your fine walk thru the park, I enjoyed reading it, I felt like I was there, and I'm proud of you.  Husband and I have decided we're going to start an exercise program very soon.

But before I fall into my aimless jabber, I must as is my custom stop and whisper to myMissy Fuzzy for a moment, give her time to put her sword away and get off her giant fighting horse, and sit down at a stream under the rush of shade trees to talk for a few minutes.  First, when I heard you were going to be babysitting a new little puppy for a while, my heart just sang for you.  On another subject, I paid close attention to your upsetness over your painful foober and how awful the thing looks.  Now, I didn't go for reconstruction, so I can tell you how long it takes for a regular boob removal to feel better.  Whenever they get you straight, takes about three months to where someone can hug you and it won't hurt so much.  The scar also faded dramatically, maybe nine months.  Mine is all bunched up looking, so I too am thinking about somewhere down the line asking a plastic surgeon to smooth the whole wad out. 

Do you remember the book "The Scar Project" (online) where a talented photographer took a lot of photos of women in rather attractive scenes who had one or two scars across their chest.  Most were younger and so they were weren't as flabby as me, and their scars were smooth and straight and faded by the time he took the pic, and it did not look the least bit wierd.  Also, hon, maybe you don't like pain pills, but you need them so badly.  Pain ruins the attitude.  I also take tranquilizers with them, else I get too amped up.  I cannot imagine you taking anything else, mainly becuz I worry about those SSRIs.  Anyhow, the pain pills, I generally drive wherever I want in the morning after my first dose, then after lunch, I only drive to close-by local places, but husband drives the rest of rhe time or I just stay home.

YA'LL, I've noticed a few comonalities with some of us.  There is this up and down with the moods, which I believe is caused by pain.  Then there is all the crying, and while I feel much better most of the time, it's not so much that I'm sad, it's just that I cry from exhaustion and some of it is pain.  This breast cancer thing, more than any other kind that I'm aware of, is very serious, it takes so much from us, and all those chemicals they put in us if we get chemo is bound to wear us down more quickly than usual, and then there's the actual grief of all the operations, pills, rads, chemo, loss of a boob with endless trouble on getting a new one.  It's just plain a big deal, and our emotions are right on the surface.  Then there's the falling down.  I am fairly sure that it's the chemo-induced peripheral neuropathy, especially in the feet.  It hurts like hell just to walk around.  I feel like I need six inches of rubbery jell in my shoes, soft walking ones that perhaps could come up above the ankle and lace up... yup, you got it, "old lady shoes"!!!  Or maybe basketball shoes?!

I enjoyed thinking about the flower thing, which ones we like and what all it means.  I like the nasturtium flower, I go to a lot of trouble to plant it at the edge of the garden area every year, and they lay out farther and farther into the pathway and nearby grass and in the garden.  They are like jewels to me and the round green leaves are so unusual.  They can come in just about any color.  Here's a couple pictures of them (and by the way, been loving the budgie pics):

       

(Above pics:  Folks, these are pics of nasturtians.  But while I may feel better, better is relative, as we all know here, and I totally mixed up the links to these pics, but since these are simply being posted in a litle forum like this, I hope I don't end up in jail.)      

VEGGY, I really feel for what you're going thru with the chemo.  It is a very long marathon, it really knocks your head off, but it finally ends. 

TRAIN STUFF:  Now, I read everything I missed, I'm pretty sure, but I kept hearing all this charming and pleasant stuff about trains, so could someone please fill me in?  I just somehow missed the intro on it.  I love trains.

POSSUM PROBLEMS: Folks, we've had a gang of possums bothering us for some time, I do believe I mentioned it.  Another fight happened between our dog and a beautiful brown possum, but husband called dog and he slowly obeyed.  Well, I was looking out a window where I can see a lot of these white patio rails, a couple statues, the white bits of the gazebo, and I noticed what a pretty statue that I hadn't noticed before up in the red flame (or fire?) bushes, and it hit me:  It was a REAL white possum, and his tail was curled in a perfect "S" shape, and he was licking his paw, and so his position looked just like someone had carved it that way.  I was truly stunned.  He was a pretty good size too, and I thought what if I had walked by him and didn't see him, he could have jumped on my head!!!  By my count, so far, we've got five possums, and that's too many, PARTICULARLY when they like to use our heating vents as some sort of play slide or whatever.  So, we MUST go ahead maybe next week and call the wildlife fellows to trap them all and release them over in one of the national forests that we have so many nearby. 

Oh, and one more thing.  All my life whilst talking, I have used the wrong word that is very similar to what I wanted to use, it's a type of aphasia, where I get the category right but don't realize I'm doing it.  Well, when I had the pneumonia, I was there about four days, and I just have went mad for some hours, because on about the third day, I think the doc said across the bed to the nurse on the other side if there had been any further talking backwards (I THINK he said that, but at least something like that).  He and that particular nurse had been in the ER when the EMT brought me.  It was the time when I absolutely suddenly could not breathe AT ALL, so I'm thinking my brain, from the pneumonia, wasn't getting enough oxygen, and with my aphasia on top of it, LORD KNOWS what I might have blubbered out.  I'd make something funny up, but I'm not THAT much better yet.  Love always, you dear, dear friends, Gail
 

dunesleeper

I managed to get up and take a shower, so now I am ready to go hiking. This is a beginner's hike around Loch Raven, and I think it is all paved; so I guess it is more like a walk. It is 3 miles, unless I decide to do the Hill portion with the more advanced hikers. I don't have my poles yet, so I'll have to see what these hills are all about before I make that decision.

If anybody knows anything about getting off xanax, please share your knowledge with me. You can PM me. I am only taking one a day (at night) at this point, but my anxiety is high and I'm not sleeping well. I was, for the most part, only taking 2 before; so I don't know why I am having such a hard time (unless I am having increased anxiety because of going off my anti-anxiety meds). lol, sort of.