INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

Jazzygirl

Mdn- I also had a double lumpectomy. Things will look a bit scary at first, but if you saw my breasts now 14 months post surgery, you would hardly know anything about what I have been through. PM me if you need a friend to talk about things with privately too, since we have had a similar surgery.

If you are nervous about your husband being there as you take the bandages off, is there a close and trusted woman friend or family member around to help you? Women are just a bit better with this stuff. We are just used to the hard stuff between childbirth, elder care, and the rest that goes on in life.

Jazzygirl

Holeinone

Good Morning to all...it's been busy, I like that ! 

mdmghtdeb, I hit the wall last Nov. this crazy bunch of women, picked me up, dusted me off, and I have been laughing ever since. We all need to be able to speak truthfully about all this crap that is happening to us, and family & friends are wonderful, but they don't get it, because they are not living through it.  None of the treatments are easy but we do muddle through it. Welcome to the best support group !

I am forcing myself to join my Sunday morning walking group...brrr... I have a really sore boob, the skin does not itch as much but deep pain in the tissue...Normal right ? 28 zaps.....

Be back later....

IllinoisLady

It's just me, four pages late as usual.  I'm a lot of things and one of the biggest is how predictable that I will be late here.  Hope you all have a great Super Bowl Sunday

Lilli

badger

Happy Groundhog Day!  Are we in for six more weeks of winter?  This is the 4th anniv of bmx.  Welcome midnightDeb to a great group you never wanted to join.  It does get easier with tincture of time.

Surgery and chemo may have been harder for DH to watch me get through, than it was for me to get through it.  Not that it was easy!  But he's been a rock through the whole thing and is so grateful to have me here, it warms my heart.  He called me last month when NPR had a program about the Scar Project.  He was nearly in tears and said some lovely things I won't forget.  http://www.thescarproject.org/

Blessings, it was exactly that oh boy Christmas morning look!  He should've sent the doc flowers.

Chevy, thanks for video, always like to see a live version.  What a fun job Jimmy Buffett has. 

Happy Birthday Sharon!  One of the best things about living in WI is watching it green up in the spring.  I also love iris (and tulips, and peonies, and lilies, and lilacs ...) and can't wait for the snow crocus to come up 'cuz then the spring flower fashion show will begin.

L&H&P's to all  ♥

Jazzygirl

Badger- wow that is one powerful link. The reality of breast cancer and what remains. I had not heard about that site (although I am huge fan of NPR), so thanks for sharing that. I also like the motto "breast cancer is not a pink ribbon." 

I still take many days one day at a time and don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

camillegal

OMG there is so many things going on her--mostly nothing important, bu a few are

It's Dutches BD right-or someones BD well a very Happy Birthday to you.

Chevy I'm up but not awake yet--went to sleep late last nite for no reason except I couldn't sleep, I told u I'm still being gentle with u so I'm not starting nythin up with u.

Welcome Deb, so sorry u'r here but this is a great group, and so helpful u will never be sorry for being here. Please don't think u'r odd, cuz everything sounds about right and waiting to find out exactly what's going on is so difficult so however u feel just go with it, it will get better in time. And Jazzy is really great to tlk to, in fact she just great. And ask away, u know who u can really ask for help and learn how to do it, it's time and u'r husband sounds great, but u do whatever is comfortable it's not so bad--U'll be glad u'r here, not cuz u have cancer but cuz of this horrid disease needs lots of help.

So it's cold her again, we had more snow and less going out.--Oh it's pain med time--My excitement for the day--and I already took a phone call for work--this 7 days a week is just plain unsettling for me--I've never been a 7 day aweek person for anything (shut up Chevy) OK I'll

BBL xxxoooxxx

mdnghtdeb3

Omg! Jazzygirl...you hit it right on the button! I think I feel like needing others is a sign of weakness (hope I'm not offending anyone...I don't mean to) I realize in my head it's not, but for me, it's hard to allow others in to see that side of me. I really have always been the one they all turn to for just about everything. Feeling like they no longer see me that way is hard. Yes, I am very independent...kinda take pride in doing things myself. I will try and take your advice and let them do little things like shopping, etc. How nice of your sister to set up a cleaning service! That's awesome! 

Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone and that these tears are a normal part of the process. I do wish they would stop though. 

Can I ask you something...is it normal for me to be nervous about my husband being there with me when the bandages come off? I mean, we have been married a very long time. He tells me he doesn't love me for my breasts, but it's still scary. Yes, I do have a close friend who has offered to come by tomorrow and help me if I want her to. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but you are right...women just get it!

Thank you for offering to let me PM you...I will have to look around on here to see how to do that! 

I'm sorry again for sounding so down and as if I am having this little pity party, but these emotions are all so new to me. 

dutchiris

Thank you all.  

Badger, last spring I was post was just post op from the right lung wedge resection for a lung nodule that turned out to be benign.  I had chemo all through the spring.  BMX last June and radiation from mid July until early September.  I worked full time through all that except  5 weeks off after each of the two surgeries and one day off after each chemo treatment.  I feel like I missed spring and summer last year.

mdnghtdeb3

Badger, you are so right...I never did want to join this group. I'm sure none of you did, but thank you for the warm welcome and making me feel as if I have a ton of friends with lots of love and hugs to offer a complete stranger. 

It's overwhelming yet comforting to know how many wonderful women are here to help a newbie get through the beginning stages of acceptance and understanding. Honestly, I have never joined a discussion group/forum of any sort. So again, please forgive me if I make mistakes. I will get the hang of this. (oh dear...here come the tears...again!)

I do appreciate all of warm welcomes, advice and hugs! Thanks everyone! xo

badger

Jazzy, click on the Images tab and there's a slide show that gets me every time.  There are new images since last time I visited, including one with a woman wearing an LE sleve. 

edit to add link for new page: http://www.thescarproject.org/

midnightDeb, it's perfectly normal to be nervous for your DH to be there when the bandages come off. I wanted mine there so there was no mystery.  He's kind of a weenie when it comes to medical stuff so he thought holy chit my wife is amazing, and it brought out his compassion and fear.  People told me later, he got really quiet at work and didn't talk about it at all.  That said, it's always a comfort having a friend there, and yes women get it.  ♥

badger

Sharon, it was like that for me the spring of 2010.  Makes me appreciate spring all the more.

OK gotta go do some prelim work on Jan books then start on supper.  Making meatloaf with organic local grass-fed beef, with bits of sauteed crimini mushrooms, scallions & garlic.  Sure would like some fresh tomato but not in season so will do without.  Mashed yukon gold potatoes, roasted brussels sprouts, and kale salad. mmm 

IllinoisLady

MidnightDeb  I don't come here as much as I probably should and am chiming in fairly late, but was reading your post entries.  Made me think.....if you can't or don't feel a little PITY for yourself ( richly deserved I might add ) no one else will either.  Not to sound harsh and un-caring either, but this is one time to let our personal abilities for heroics in caring for everyone else, plus ourselves fly right out the window for awhile.   I  ( most of the time anyway ) put on my stiff upper lip and didn't dream of asking for help.  I deeply regret it.  My house still suffers from the almost two years of mostly neglect. 

Since life tends to keep a few lemons coming ( though hopefully interspersed well ) I'm still not where I think I ought to be, and don't know when I will be and this all started back in 2007 ( very late that yr. ) I'm less concerned now about it all but this is like nothing else so if someone offers a helping hand....take it.  If there are things you "feel" you could fairly easily accept some help with...please let it be known.  This is a time to take time out for you.  If someone will help you do that --- please let them.  You need to conserve your strength and grit for a fairly big fight.  I'm rooting for you.  Hang in there.....and CRY when YOU need to as it will wash away some cobwebs and help you feel a bit more in charge of the job ahead. 

Blessings,

Lilli

Blessings2011

Ohmygosh - you guys are gonna make me late for church!!!! 

BBL...

Jazzygirl

Mdn- ladies here are giving you some additional good advice. I am not with a man at this time in my life, so I did not have to deal with showing anything to the opposite sex, but do understand your anxiety there. Some 14 months later, I would be very self conscious if and when I am intimate with someone again. I also realize I can get past it though with the right person!

My female friends saw a lot of my incisions after both breast surgery and abdominal surgery the same year. At one point, I had five incisions on my body and looked like I ran into Jack the Ripper. I had a very hard time looking at myself in the mirror for a long time. But none of them reacted, and none of the ones that saw those incisions ran away. Your women friends will help you for sure, women are just good like that!

Badger- I did look at the slide show. How brave those women are to share that with the world. I think it will help people to better understand all we deal with going through this. It is hard to understand when things are covered up. I like it because it is the truth and reality of breast cancer, not some of the other propaganda people put out there to feel better about the whole thing. 

I think the whole pink ribbon thing, breast cancer walks, etc. are fine, but think people need to be more educated so they don't run away from us or just expect us to go back to the way we were before all this began.

Jazzygirl

mdnghtdeb3

Badger - I think you made the right choice having your DH there to help with the bandages, especially if he is like you said, "a weenie when it comes to medical stuff." I am sure he is amazed by your strength. My DH happens to be a FF/Paramedic, so he is used to seeing just about everything. Although, my best guess...when it comes to me, his training and experience will go right out the window. 

Lilli - You don't sound harsh at all. I appreciate all the input and plan to take bits and pieces of everyone's suggestions and experiences. I don't quite remember how I found this site, but with each passing moment, I am so glad I did! xo

Holeinone

mdmghtdeb, I think of this group as being my hideaway, it's unconditional. We don't always say the "perfect" thing, we sometimes are needy, or too personal...sex, drugs &  rock n' roll...lol..but we support other. 

We have 2, maybe more retired nurses...they are a wealth of knowledge.. We all have had to face this bitch of a disease. I am like you, very hard for me to accept help. My DH did not like it when people brought food over, during chemo, I struggled to eat & food & nutrition became an issue. Did not see that coming...but my point being is that it is not easy for us and it is hard on your family also. My poor son took it the hardest, he is 30. I was stoic and tough through surgery & chemo, it all came crashing down during radiation. Finally asked for some happy pills, 6 months into it. I'm slow...lol...

camillegal

Deb I ditto Lilly--she always is our level headed one.

Oh I think u'r right tho u'r DH (Dear Husband) has seen it all---this is u now so it might be a mixed bag of emotions. I'm sure u've talked about it with him and can get a real feel on how he can handle all of this.This is the time u open up, this is the time u admit u'r not superwoman and accept whatever can help u. Anrest when u need to and always drink lots of water. And remember and never forget I am the worst typist here and I've been typing for more yrs than I can count. So just don't forget that.

blondiex46

Sassie...you need to take care of yourself, you are so helpful to us, let us be helpful to you...!!!

Holeinone

Cami, are you watching the game with Joey?

Sas is going to a neighborhood party, anyone else? I am happy to be party-less, see Cami, I can make up words too...wait maybe that is a real word...

I walked 5 miles (round trip) to Sunday breakfast, my walking group of 9 years...started to support my friend with bc. She is also a nurse.

Wren44

Deb, Anesthesia has effects for several days post surgery. That may be contributing to your tears. I just asked DH if he witnessed the bandage removal. Neither of us thought he did, although he saw it right afterwards. And waiting to get the lab report is extremely stressful. Perhaps the most stressful of the entire experience. Here's hoping you get it soon and it's good news. Until you get the lab report, you don't know what the future holds - and that is really stressful too. You'll feel better once you know what's going to happen and you have a plan. Then, if you need chemo or rads, you can ask for rides from people who offer to help. At least until you're comfortable driving. I get together with a friend every Saturday. She drove every week for almost 2 months. It was very much appreciated.

Welcome here. I think it's pretty ok to talk about everything that concerns you here. It seems like most topics start off with a theme, then people get to know each other, and it's more like having coffee with friends.

Chevyboy

Okay midnightDeb!   See, Cammi just sort of runs all her words together sometimes....  But we couldn't make sense of it all if she didn't.  She CAN spell, but ever so often,  she relapses....  and pretends it is not her fault....  And Cam, WHAT did you tell her?  That he can have a real feel?  I think he has already.

Deb, seriously....  I think it's just part of being married....  You would help him out, if he needed you.... and I just know, it wouldn't bother him, to see this.... My DH had to help me clean all my stuff up to....   He is a PARAMEDIC!  Piece of cake! 

After I picked my DH up off the floor, when he was cleaning and changing my pads and drains, we were fine!   It's just too hard to do it yourself!    DD helped me one time, and she felt worse than I did!   So just trust him....  He is there to help you.....    Mine got all fidgety, and afraid he wouldn't do it right, but just act like he is doing a great job.  THEN make him cook you dinner.... Or take you out!    Pat him on the back, and say "good-job Dude!"    Just kidding.... 

It won't be long, that your tears will not come as often!   You will feel better, though, if you just have a special place to let those tears out, instead of letting your loved ones know how you are hurting....    It hurts them too.... 

Oh yes.... you can always ask for some kind of meds to help you through this, if you think that would help.  You are STILL very new to this though....  I'm so glad you can talk to us!    We will take care of you....  okay? xoxoxo

Chevyboy

Teka

Spookiesmom

Well said Lilli!!!!!!

luvmygoats

Blessings - I saw KY at some WalMart in the past few weeks in the pump bottle size. Even I thought that was a little extreme. No more shocking clerks with giant economy sizes though as no more baby goats coming here.

Midnightdeb - I don't think there is a topic here. We are wide ranging. Food, furniture, jobs - Cami that means you, jokes, seriousness, support, hugs. Ignore the insomnia part (not a requirement to join in here) but there are people on here all times of day for support of those who can't sleep. And don't apologize for doing anything wrong. Just keep talking and being yourself. Social politeness is the same on here. My DH is also a "weenie" with medical things. He took excellent care of me though no bandages only surgical glue. He's doctored many a mole removed by dermatologist and C-section incision. Now if it was his incision I'd prob. have to prop him up and use smelling salts lol.

When do you expect the path results?

I don't know either how I found this. I still have some Komen bookmarks but abandoned it when I found BCO. Though later going thru hosp. literature I did find a BCO brochure. I only found BCO while out post surgical darn it.

2nd time - I'm 2 pages behind and I was caught up last night.

Well, once again I haven't posted this since I started it this morning. Weather has moved thru, big sleet, cold. Roads will be nasty tonight but not now.

Between here and STFU I can't count the nurses - me, Sassy, Julianna, Sweet Pea - who else?

Dutchiris - hope you fluy symptoms are better. I think even if you get the flu after a flu shot symptoms are lessened. Remember in 2008 when the flu shot missed one of the strains. I got the shot and still got the flu. My doc said congrats you're my 1st pt to get the shot and have a positive flu test. RahRah.

Wren - I like that - coffee with friends.

Posting before I get further behind.

Alyson

Morning all, oops nearly lunch time. Haven't been on much because I have had really bad head ache - not sure why but think its a cluster migraine again which I could do without. Also very bad joints oh well such is life and I suppose I just have to get up, put my big girl panties on and get on with things.

Holeinone

Hello Alyson, sorry you are hurting....

mdnghtdeb3

Holeinone - I like that you think of this place as your hideaway. That is a great way to think of it. Talking to my friends and family helps, but I have a tendency to hide my true emotions. Guess in some weird way I am trying to protect them. I don't want them to know how much I hurt right now. I don't want them to know I feel like I am dying inside. They are a great group, please don't get me wrong...I just can't seem to bring myself to admit to them how alone I feel. It's almost as if someone has taken my place. I don't feel like Deb anymore. I'm not one to complain or feel sorry for myself. I'm emotional, but don't cry in front of others. I hate that this has changed me. I know I have to accept it, but it's hard for me to put into words. I'm hoping you all get what I am trying to say because as I type I know I must sound nuts. 

You mentioned food...omg...if one more person around my house asks me if I have eaten...ugh! I am definitely not an emotional eater. Actually, the exact opposite. The thought of food is turning my stomach. 

Camillegal- Hard to give up the superwoman role. I know you are right, but it just stinks!

Wren44- I hope you are right and the anesthesia is contributing to the water works over here. Wow! (btw...they are back again)

Chevyboy- Okay, I will admit...your post got a bit of a grin outta me. Thank you, and thank you for taking care of me. xo I think I will wait on any meds to help with the depression stuff for now. Like you said, this is all fairly new right now. It hasn't even been a month since I got the call that has forever changed me. 

Luvmygoats- I love the coffee with friends comment as well. I happen to drink a lot of the stuff...and even though I'm not much of a "drinker"...I'm wondering if some Baileys in my coffee would help or make the tears worse?  I'm expecting my path results wed or thurs. So unbelievably nervous about them. I have read on so many sites about how women have to go back for additional surgeries for clean margins. That terrifies me. My DH tells me to stay away from google...it's not helping, but I need to prepare myself. I'm not all gloom and doom, but I have been accused from time to time of being a bit OCD. I like to think of it as being prepared. Hoping for the best, but understanding the worst. 

I'm sorry my post is so long. I am so sad ladies! I don't even like me right now.