INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

camillegal

Deb please know we pretty much all changed--well not so much me--I've always been lazy and this has given me more credence to be lazy. so I', good. But everyone gets that shock nd u'r DH is right stay away from google--u can't prepare with google scaring the sh*t our of u, so don't give it a chance to. Right now u'r in a sad place not really knowing what's going to happen, but once u find out--u actually start feeling better because u'r Drs. work as a team and figure everything out for u to do and things get started so u'r on a better road. We all understand and most of us have been thru pretty much everything and look at us now. We're certainly over a hump but now we like each other so we stivk around LOL So just know a lot of this will pass, and we can get u thru the rest. And u'd better drink lots of water and when the nurses start they tell u exactly what to eat for nutrition. I just know veggies are good.

Holeinone

mdmghtdeb, if your best friend or family member, sister, sister-in-law, had breast cancer, you would be sad for them & supportive but until your walking in those shoes you cannot get it...that's the way I look at it. I hate it when someone tells me how I feel, or the worst, just think positive....I want to haul off and hit them...So, I smile and nod...  Sadly, you will get comments that are very annoying and condescending. 

mdnghtdeb3

Holeinone - Yep, been getting a lot of those comments. I really hate it as well when people around me tell me how and what I should/shouldn't be feeling. I actually had one person tell me, "time to buck up girl!". Really? 

Camillegal - I honestly thought google would help make sense out of this. A couple people told me (not people on here), to read read read as much as I possibly can. To research every aspect of this. ...but yes, it has now scared the sh*t out of me! 

Pawprint

Just checking in during the Super Bowl halftime. I haven't been here in so long. Deb3,sorry you are going thru this, but you will get so much support here. Alyson, hope your headache goes away soon. Chevy, my friend, I feel your pain over Lacee. It was so difficult having my dog Truffles put to sleep Jan 7...still feeling her energy in the house. I tear-up when something reminds me of her, then I smile for having known her. 

Still trying to get my immune system back in shape. I get sick every other week it seems. Saw a nutritionist last week. She said its okay to continue South Beach eating plan, but cut animal protein back to 6 ounces per day, and keep sodium under 2400 grams per day ....hopefully I'll never have another kidney stone. 

So anyone watch Super Bowl just for the commercials? 

FierceBluebird

Happy Birthday dutchiris!

mdnightdeb, I also feel like a different person. Normally I enjoy spending time with people and helping out and these days I just want to be left alone. I haven't seen my family in a year. When I was first diagnosed, they all wigged out. I didn't have time for their drama then and I don't want it now. I needed to pull my head in and conserve my energy. I didn't want to hear 20 questions, have people stopping by day and night or answer the phone which rang off the hook. I had 5 siblings and a dad and they each had an opinion about how I was suppose to feel, act, and what kind of treatment I needed. I was even told this wasn't about me. Really? My getting breast cancer is about you? 

They finally got the message that I wanted to be left alone. Someday I may feel like I want to reconnect, but for now I am content to concentrate on me and what I need to get better and heal. My husband has been my rock and a few friends who understand that the days when I have energy I reach out to them and they are okay with that. That's what makes them wonderful friends.

You are entitled to your feelings and know yourself best.  If you're feeling especially sad and upset, don't hesitate to talk to your doctor though. Situational depression can be helped with medication if necessary. It helped me get through those first months. 

Reading things online is scary! Even this forum scared the crap out of me in the beginning. I'd see the post titles and just fall to pieces. I needed time to process everything. 

I am totally bored by the Superbowl!

luvmygoats

Smaarty - Tomorrow's the day, right? In your pocket for implants. You'll be great.

Pawprint

Bluebird144,

I agree, especially this Super Bowl, ......so boring, so one-sided. 

mdnghtdeb3

Bluebird...they told you this wasn't about you??? Omg!!! That is awful!! I'm so sorry!!!

mdnghtdeb3

I hope one day I will be able to support my new found friends the way you have all reached out and hugged me yesterday and today! It is too early for me to offer advice, but please know that I am learning from all of you...and for me, it's priceless! I have read each and every post and will continue to do so. I'm just not able to help anyone else being such a newbie. I need to get through the next few steps (path results especially). Please accept my sincere thanks and I am sending all of you big hugs!!!

Jazzygirl

Mnd/Deb- Bluebird is so right. We all get a lot of unsolicited advice around our medical care, what we should be thinking, feeling, eating, you name it! I think when people feel helpless they try to offer whatever they think they have to offer. Many times it is not what you need or want, and you just have to tell them what you want, from "I need a ride" to "I will contact you when I am ready to reconnect." 

I kept my diagnosis and treatment relatively private for professional reasons, but also knew there were people in my family and friendship network that would probably not be helpful, and add would more stress to my situation. I was pleasantly surprised to have some people I did not know as well really help me in ways I never expected, and some closer friends I thought would be better about the whole thing just not get it at all. It helped me to deepen some relationships and some fell away after my diagnosis. You will find out who your really good friends are through all this (I know I did). And you may be repeatedly surprised by the kindness of strangers.

I read somewhere the people who are best supporting you through this are either people who have gone through it (like us) or those that have supported someone else who has gone through any kind of cancer. This site is great to talk about things when there is no one else to talk about.

I hope you find yourself with all the love and support you need. We will be here with you as you get your pathology results.

camillegal

Oh I'm so confused--Bluebird how could this not be about u and only u of course it affects so many but it's all about u that they were affected==O my stars.

Well my cousin niece, my sister and I--the last 3 had it at the same time--so we of course blamed my cousin and she shed the blame to my mom who started this in the 1950's. But wehen we get together and we're deciding something I always say the decision is going to be made by all those who have no boobs, so we can decide on anything we want. hahaha BTW we are  very close family and when my sister calls and I happen to have a cold after I say hello, my sister always says u sound like u have a cold? And of course I say yes and then I say I've never been so sick in my whole entire life--she usually hangs up on me, So I'm a drama queen who's a baby. So just be glad u don't have me to put up with, well on here u do but not in person. 

Jazzygirl

Anonymous

Hi PawPrint! Glad you're checking in, been thinking of you! You have so much unhappiness right now, just try to take care of yourself. Sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders, thanks for letting us know you're still there.

Dutch Iris, happy birthday. Sweetie! You didn't give yourself a good present (lol)

Bluebird, so sorry you're getting crap from those around. Some people are just mindless, they should keep their mouths shut (especially if they don't have anything nice to say).

mnDeb, if there is a main focus here, I'd say it's just be you, however that may look in the moment. This is one thread where you don't need to go back to the beginning, just jump right in, as you are. There are days when getting out of pj's just isn't happening and no one here thinks less of you. Just be. The best part is that this is something to come to ANY TIME. I got hooked because I could find compassion, kindness, understanding, ok, a little fun and craziness especially in the quiet hours when no one else is awake or around. That's been a blessing for me.

Speaking of Blessings, hope you're hanging on. Glad you got some "you-time", figured it was the quiet before the storm, so to speak.

Smaarty, tomorrow is exchange? You will be feeling so much better tomorrow night at this time, being in the squishy side. I'd like to reserve a space in your pocket too.

Hey Sassy, hope you know we're thinking of you too.

Sorry, I know I've forgotten a bunch of you, don't mean to. My mind just forgets. 

Yup, this Super Bowl is boring. Even a miracle can't help Denver at this point. 

Jazzy, you posted while I typed, love the laugh! I can relate 

Teka

I watched my 1st football game!

Holeinone

Smaarty,

I hope you were able to have a successful sewing getaway...

Get a gown with huge pockets tomorrow, I will be hanging on in there...

Too much junk food, I ate chips, dip & MM's.....feel like I overdid it !

Smaarty

I'm home, only 6 pages to go back and see what's going on. Got lots done, so very happy with retreat. I go in tomorrow at 10:30, should be home around 4-5. Forgot to ask him how long. I'll be back after I catch up!

tangandchris

Teka-that was not the best game for a first one

I'm sitting here tonight feeling envious of 2 FB friends that had babies this week. I see the beautiful baby faces, the mom's happiness...and I feel envious...and then I feel terrible that I feel like that. They have happy life changing stuff happening to them, I just have this crappy cancer life changing stuff happening.

Thanks.....I needed to get that out.

Teka

I had no trouble understanding the beat down!

camillegal

Tang I'm sorry, but it does seem natural to feel that way.

tangandchris

I should say....bitter more than envious....

Yes Teka-the beatdown was obvious!! sheesh

Teka

I don't even care about football.

camillegal

Teka hahahahahahahahaha

Teka

This evening for a few hours I could laugh with hubby & son without feelingfrom f'n BC crap.

Spookiesmom

Tang, envious is probably a normal feeling. I'm guessing you're younger than most of us here. Check with your docs, see if after all the ca chit is over if kids might happen for you. And you can be the crazy "auntie" everybody wants!

tangandchris

Oh,  don't want anymore kids! lol..I have kiddos, it's just the envy that they are celebrating and I am feeling less than celebratory about my life right now.

Gingerbrew

SEAHAWKS!!!!!!!!

camillegal

Tang it's still understandable.

Teka I'm glad u watched the game---good for u.

Anonymous

sad deb - "I actually had one person tell me, "time to buck up girl!".  WTH??  I woulda said "buck this!" and gotten out my paintball gun.  That was before meds though.  Now I just go for the pb gun....(.pb= paintball NOT peanut butter)

I had a lot more anger than sadness in the beginning.  Oh wait!  I still do.  Just kidding.  Chevy sent me to anger management classes.  The treatment was that I had to read cammi's posts EVERY DAY!  There is no way to be angry or even sad when you read her posts.  Sometimes they make me laugh and sometimes I just snort coffee out of my nose.  I had to get a new monitor.

Another thing that cheered me up was talking to Sassy on the phone every day about constipation.  That was a hoot! (no pun intended, owlettes)  She's especially fun after a bottle of wine.  For her, not me.

I love you ladies! 

Phyllo-paean

 

Njmom3

Tang, I feel like we travel in the same bc circles...  I hate when I am jealous of ladies with great bodies (well I always felt that way lol) and have great boobs, while I'm wearing zip up jackets two sizes too big with a sock stuffed in my frankenboob side, just to not feel sooo self conscious.  Now of course who knows what they are going thru, but yes I wish I had something to celebrate.  I guess we could say we are alive and kicking cancer in the butt so that's something to celebrate, but somehow it's not the same.

I know as far as what people have said to me, I'm tired of the omg you have cancer pity face/voice.  First of all I feel like I HAD cancer and now chemo is to stop it from coming back.  Apparently not everyone thinks like that. Also, I'm tired of talking bc 24/7.  I want to talk about the weather, stocks heck politics and religion at this point, really anything but bc.  So I find myself retreating during the week and not talking with my friends.  I also text more, seems like that is a limited conversation and I don't have to hear the pity voice.  

As for dh, he is wonderful.  Ok can you tell I am remarried  only for 7 years now.  First hubby would have been an a$&hole, and still is, but that's a whole other story.  Anyway new and improved dh is fabulous with care, he talks to ps, sometimes like I'm not there, but really is on top of things, except me lol.  On that subject to be fair I still have drains and he does not want to hurt me, I'm sure once that's gone and skin has healed a little more we will be back in action 😉. It's funny we work together and apparently he talks to everyone about all this, while like I said I talk to no one.  One of the guys texted me the other day so I hear you bought a hat with hair attached to it.  Gee is nothing sacred?

I also want to say not a day goes by without the water works turning in.  Today was about the fact that my walk in closet was a mess and I should have cleaned it prior to surgery,  my kids think I have lost it, I probably have.  Hope to find it soon!

Port surgery cancelled for tomorrow due to snow and now set for Friday, which means chemo is pushed back a week.  I guess I'll get my nails done prior to that, still unsure if I can get fills ( on my nails not te!) during chemo.

Well I was chatty, after catching up on everyone's post, I hope I captured some of the other ladies feelings.

Smaarty good luck tomorrow, hope all goes well and congrats on getting rid do those tes!

Blessings, my condolences to you and your family on your loss.

Dutch, happy birthday, I hope you feel better and it's not the flu!

Hope everyone has a great upcoming week!

Anonymous

Teka, great for you getting a bit of an escape! You need more and longer escapes like that.

Did everyone leave after the Super Bowl?

Let's see, if you all left, you can't answer that! What was I thinking? One beer and brain can't function.