INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Forward, are you up above?
Ms. Sas, you are out spending the money you didn't have to pay IRS? One less stress off your plate.
Chance looks so happy in the kiddie pool. Returning back to work after surgery was not easy for me either, but grateful to have had a job to return to because before I left for surgery, more than half of our staffs were laid off.
Lori, phew!
Feline, how was the dance?
I received a panicked phone call from DD while I was at the swim meet with my younger DD. DD1 was trying to pump gas using a credit card for the first time. "Mom the credit card is stuck in the slot and I can't get it out! " I could hear her making sounds of frustration trying frantically to pull the card out of the slot. My first thought was oh no it's a skimmer device that steals credit card info., so I asked her to describe what the slot looks like. First a long pause, then " um, oh shoot! I put the card in the wrong slot." Yup, the receipt slot. This is the same child who will be going to college this fall. (Sigh)
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ShepK, took me awhile to figure out how you make your emoji so big.
Oops ! That's bigger than what I wanted.
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what are you doing up lover....hope you can get some sleep
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Rabbit hole? Hmmm......trying to avoid being underground for as long as possible
Warning: Ranting Below
Stress, anxiety, frustration, pain all causing depression. Last Saturday's fall hit me "hard". My right foot is still too swollen and painful to wear shoes or even socks. The darn thing is pretty much purple from the ankle down. It hurts! PCP thinks I might have torn a ligament on the top of my foot. If my foot and/or back isn't better Monday I have to go back to see him and get some more images done. FFH is being less supportive than usual. I had to argue with him to go the ER. They were going to write me an RX for a wheelchair. FFH had a fit. He even argued against the hospital sending me home with crutches! I got the dang crutches though. He thinks I am over reacting. My MO told me to go to the ER. My MO told me to see PCP last Wednesday. MO is also concerned about torn ligaments and possible spine damage.
I am still waiting for a surgery date. The surgeon's nurse has assured me they're working on it. I'm scared the surgeon is going to change his mind and not do the procedure. I'm terrified that L5 is going to crumble.
I don't want to fall again. The fall before this one was in Feb. '13 ......the fall that led to my "surprise" cancer DX. Falling is baaaaad.
Soooo, I'm even less mobile than usual. And feeling damned helpless. My right foot is all banged up and my left foot is numb and attached to a leg that isn't trustworthy due to nerve pressure in my spine. I do have the John Deere but can't take it out of the house on my own because FFH refuses to make a little ramp so I can get it out the door. (He also refuses to install grab bars in the tub.) I'm trapped in the house most of the time. I live a 10 minute drive away from the beach and love to sit and enjoy the beauty of the ocean. My feet have only touched the sand one time this year.....when my BFF was here in March. Only went once to the beach last year. We have beautiful places and interesting things to do all around us. FFH always has an excuse. Although he's out the door in a skippy minute to go out with his bestie or his son. Love when he texts me pictures of the fun things they do......
My body continues to betray me. I'm stuck "sharing" a home with a selfish, self centered, resentful, inconsiderate slob. FFH is a serial spender, so no extra money to pay for someone to do all the stuff he won't.
Rant Over: Silliness to resume soon.
Pleasant dreams and restful sleep to all.....
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Very sorry to hear of MammaRay's health. Thinking of her and her young family.
Lover thanks for asking, DD was beautiful. There is a second performance this afternoon. I never film because I want to watch and unsurprisingly I find that I can't watch if I am looking at the back of a camera. Usefully I can bring DS and he films for me, but he flew out to France this weekend. DH was there last night but naturally he wanted to watch too. DD is a beautiful dancer and absolutely shines on stage but I get great pleasure from watching all the girls, and acts where DD is not on stage too, can't wait to go again today.
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Shep - check out CancerCare.org. They have a one time grant of $300.00 for medical needs for BC patients. Plus check within your community, surely there are some resources to help you get the ramp and grab bars. Living without these things is obviously dangerous for you.
Contact some local churches. Some have individuals willing to volunteer their time to do the things you need.
Please!
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Shep please listen to Junie ,she has some very good suggestions. Your guality of life is very important, as well as your safety. Sorry to hear about the torn ligament
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Oh Shep, I'm sorry to hear your FFH is still an FFH! My DH used to be like that too. When we lived in SA TX he got laid off from work. He then went back to school and finished his degree, he got a job in Dayton OH shortly after. I asked him when I needed to have all his crap packed up and ready to go? He caught the "his stuff" and not our stuff. His favorite name for me was Dumb stupid fing bitch! I showed him who was dumb! I simple told him I'm not moving with the man that he had become. I stayed in SA for 2 years while he was in Dayton OH. I told him to let me know when he grows up then we'll talk about my moving. Six months after I moved in I flew to Austin TX to be with my DD and DSIL for the birth of their first baby. I developed intestinal/stomach problems and underwent a lot of testing. Dr decided to do a Nissan procedure (attach stomach higher up on esophagus) That put me at my DD and DSIL's for almost a year. I've been back in IN for the past 2 years, my DH has learned to be a caring loving human the 3 years I was gone. I told him if he ever calls me the DSFB again we were threw. We're closer than ever now. I just wish there was something I could do to help you out. You have so much on your plate that you honestly don't need your FFH adding to it! I've never been to South Carolina before! I'd love to visit and take us to the beach!
Some A-holes were born that way and they just got bigger as they aged 😡
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XXXOOO
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awwwwe sheps, sorry to hear about allllll of it. Life isn't always a party...darn it. Similar boat with hubby...told her I'm done yesterday. Sometimes it's sooooooo exhausting !! Hang in there girlfriend. I am going to counseling....need to get my joy back. No one should be able to take that away from anyone....I will find mine. With a little help from those who can decifer these things :
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All my wonderful friends, my intention was to come here first today. But housekeeping threads and fb politics have diverted me. You all are the most unique BCO group. I know I have been part of developing the climate, but you keep it going. Enveloping those that come and stay, and our lurkers. I have been absent much b/c of my entrenchment in the political fray. I'm on Mirror and fb. In those two spaces I can say what I believe politically. Duh, you we all know it's difficult for me not to say what I believe. If anyone wants to friend me on fb send a pm.
We are coming into the most perilous time in modern history. There has been much going on since WW2 in the control of the world that is only becoming known to us lowlies b/c of the strife caused by radical Isalm. There is an Elite. They have had control. They have been directing how the world develops. The New World Order plan does exist. It's not a conspiracy of the fringe. I haven't gone of the edge.
Also, at this time, there is a movement by the states to amend the Constitution by Article V. The Texas Plan has already been written. It's not got anything to do with Texit. Texit is a fringe group in that they have a small following and no clue about the Constitution. Governor Abbot is leader in developing the Texas Plan. If the Convention of States is convened, we enter the time that the founding fathers did when the Constitution was written. It will be a perilous time in it self, as not done right our whole constitution could be done in. The Texas Plan is 92 pages long, they did their homework. But they are proceeding slowly b/c of the rule of law and the danger to the original document. Once the Convention of States is convened there can be all kinds of havoc to the original Constitution.
The reason the states are considering a Convention of States is Obama continually over reaches his Executive powers. But Obama is just the tipping point. Federal government has been encroaching upon States right for decades. The Constitution was States centered versus central Federal government centered.
The absolute beauty of the Framers, were that they foresaw that this could be a problem. They built in an article. Article V. I'm blown away that they could recognize that primarily the Executive branch i.e president could subvert the Constitution. That was 240 years ago. My goodness(understatement). The strength of the document is immense.
Love you all, if you think I can help in any fashion the best is to PM. You can state it here, but as much as this is my absolute home base, chit, been on the computer since 8 am it's now 7 pm. This probably took an hour to write. Haven't checked anyone's posts. God bless you all
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Shep I am worried about you, can you contact a social worker.
Wrench what fortitude you have, you had a plan and you stuck to it. I am in awe.
Susan (((hugs))).
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Thank you Lookie, id been walked on for over 20 years and I had had enough.
Shep
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JunieB & Lookie ~ I'm fine-ish ......just darned aggravated.
Wenchie ~ Dang girl! I second the awe! Edited to add I just saw your post.. Back at at ya
Susan ~ Joy, yes please - for all of us! (((hugs))))
Sas ~ .The county I live in never re-joined the Union after the War Between the States. True fact. Ya'll are on your own
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Shep - please define fine-ish. In order to prevent future occurrences of falling it is vital for you to have those grab bars in the bathroom. Also, by refusing to provide you with the ramp for you to be able to get to appts., etc. you are basically dependent on your selfish FFH.
While you are dealing with cancer like the rest of us (which is stressful enough), your quality of life is at stake here. Adding this extra stress from dealing with your FFH decreases said quality of life.
I say this out of genuine concern, but apologize if I have overstepped any boundaries.
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Hope this brings a smile to everyone. If only for a moment : -
Susan, I was up late last night because it was hot here. You were up even later than me. Sorry to hear about your issue with DH. I hope you find your joy soon.
Lori, that took guts to do what you did. Good for you for putting your foot down and draw boundaries. No one should have put up with that.
ShepK, tears were flowing as I read your post this morning. I was not aware of the extent of your circumstances. I knew you live with physical pain daily, but had no idea you have little support from your worse half. I felt guilty at one point for asking, but after talking to a dear wise friend I realize that it's good that you poured out your heart to us. I'm glad that you did because how else would we understand what you are going through. It is cruel how you are treated. Maybe I am wrong, but from what you shared he sounds like an abusive controlling person. It is tough situation you are in having to depend on him financially and maybe for health insurance too. I can see how you feel hopeless and trapped. Please listen to JunieB and seek help. You deserve better. Please forgive me if I have crossed the line and said something that might offend you. Just like JunieB, it is only out of genuine concern.
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Awww, Susan. That did bring a smile. I love that curious look on Elena's face. She is changing each time.
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Susan cute pitcture everyone looks happy and content.
BORN TO BE WILD
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JunieB ~ "Fine-ish" means assessing the current situation and calculating the best course of action. No boundary worries - I value your honesty and advice. You've been dealing with this cancer shite longer than most of us. You are a strong woman with a huge heart and a gift for "calling it like it is" (((hugs)))
I made it clear tonight that the grab bars are non-negotiable. FFH will be looking for the proper ones to install in the bathroom. I also told him that before this week is over there will be a ramp of some sort to enable me to wheel out of the house safely. I already have a nice carrier with a fold up ramp on the back of my SUV. DS or whoever can drive if I can't. My left leg has tried to slip out on me few more times this past week. Luckily I was on solid ground and "caught it" in time. I'll be following up with MO, PCP and Surgeon In the morning. I also have a case manager through my health insurance. She has been trying to get the local medical social worker's office to contact me. She'll be checking in with me this week.
DS and I have talked about cooking big meals together to freeze in single servings and divvy up. We both need to eat better. I can't physically cook and he needs to learn so it will be good for both of us.
Once my mobility is improved I will start working on getting past my front yard more often. I have a season pass for the State Parks. There's a beautiful one nearby that is on the ocean. Easy parking, nice beach access and paved nature trails that wind through the coastal forest. And there's an Ice Cream shop on the pier!
Susan ~ Awww....that is what joy looks like
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Shep well done, so sorry you have so much on your plate. You dseserve A LOT of extra consideration and help. Great idea about the State Parks. Beauty is good for the soul. Four walls have their place, but no choice to leave it is a soul sapper. Your US sisters are the best for advising you on the supports available to you there. Here you would be entitled to all that stuff including the personnel to install it. My Dad has arthritis and has all the grab rails, bath rails and step etc etc The health service approved and installed a second banister along the stair wall so he can hold on with both arms going upstairs. The installation even included painting it to match the existing banister.
Best wishes to you.
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Lookie ~ That is the most awesomest thing I have ever seen! What a cool kitty!
Loverly ~ I am so sorry I upset you! I feel so surrounded by love here.....I don't want to make anyone sad. I took so long to write the above post, I didn't see that you and Lookie had posted too. Please see what I wrote; things will be changing. I have my own excellent health insurance and a small pension. I control the household finances for the most part. FFH is like a child with a paycheck...I need to be quick to pay the bills before he blows through all his money. He isn't abusive, just an idiot sometimes. Controlling, yes. We're both Alpha's though......you'd think he would have given up by now. There is a counselor who just started working with my MO. She sits in for the exam and then stays when the Dr. leaves. I was able to talk to her last time I was there and I really like her. She will talk with FFH when I go back in July. He was great in the very beginning when I was Dx'd but is having more and more trouble dealing appropriately as time has gone on. He needs to get his head out of his arse......I am not a proctologist, he's gotta figure it out on his own. The bestie that FFH ditches me for is my friend's husband. He is a good friend to both of us and counsels FFH when he needs someone to talk to.
I would be happier on my own but I am too tired to pack up and move. Thhhhp. I am following Susan's wise words and am going to find my own "joy"
You could never offend me.........although you did scare me that one time with that bug eyed creature!
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Hi Feline!
Thank you for your kind words. There aren't any Puffins at my beach but maybe I'll luck out and snap a photo of a dolphin? We are blessed with so many beautiful things in nature that are truly a tonic for the soul. I'm so sorry for your Dad's arthritis. Excellent that he was able to have all the necessary safety rails installed for him. And that the workers took such care to make sure all looked nice!
Bedtime for me
Good morning to you !
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Dear Lord, please wrap your loving arms around our precious Shepkitty and keep her safe from harm. You can provide her the strength and healing that she needs at this time. You can release her of all mental anguish caused by her primary caregiver, for none of Your Children should be treated the way Shep is being treated. Lord, please bring others into Shep's life that can bring her the joy she so deserves and lay Your healing hands on her and heal her of all things great and small. In the wonderful name of Jesus I pray. Amen
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Shep, YAY! Maybe a world of good heading your way! You deserve so much more!
Susan, what a beautiful picture of your beautiful family. The look on your DGD face is priceless!
Lookie, I used to ride myself but I don't think I could fit my Missy on my bike as Missy is an Appoaloosa, what a picture that would be!
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sheps, it isn't the solution we look for or dreamed about when we were kids. But we can control and be proactive. You sound stronger now..that makes me smile. I spent the day with my cousin yesterday, we had a blast, I see Claire today, she is coming by us, Wednesday I am going by her to go to the zoo....love zoos, Thursday I am going to dinner with a friend. All this brings me joy. All that, I can do. I love to live life, l have dream still on what I want to do and I want to live fully. If hunny doesn't want to "live" and laugh, I will do it myself. Would love him to join, but we have been on that rodeo to many times. Not his personallity. So this is why Claire and I do mother daughter trip, since she was 7. She has no idea we do these together cause dad won't go. It's been 34 years, I go to counseling ever so often to get my tank refilled and perspective back. A great marriage takes both to work through their stuff, and want to. Doesn't work any other way. I am very relational. Hubby is wound very tight, controlling, and he micro manages. Luckily I am a strong independant person. You can knock me down, throw me under the bus, give it your best shot....but I won't be down for long. I love living and having fun too much. I pray all of us can be surrounded by loving caring people who are willing to work through the mess of life and grow stronger for it. If that isn't the case, those people are out there, we just need to find them. I have done this by joining stuff, knitting clubs, church, bowling, anything I can to put myself out there and find good fun people. Certainly not my perfect dream life...but it's the best I can do under the circumstances. Boy I. Typing a lot. Almost done...lol. My issues aren't about lack of care, my are hubby's lack of feeling. I feel I could hire people to care for me if I need. But when my dog of 15 years dies, I want another one, they make me so happy, that's when all the nos start. How can you not want me happy, such a small thing to ask for. That's been my whole married life, his way. He might be getting a new job, will know soon.its gonna be great for him. We might have to move closer to the expressway. So here we go again, this won't be a discussion on what will work best for us. I'm tired. What makes me sad, is he does it with Claire. She is easy to talk things out with. But when he has free time, I say go up and see her, it's sad to alwZys here him say, if she wanted to see me she wouldn't have moved away. What a way to look at life. He misses out on so much. Wow, I just felt like I have been at a counseling session !!!!! That felt good.
Steeps, hope there is something there in my story that will help you. Even if in alllllll that writing, is was just one word.
We are all here for each other and you guys play a big part in my sanity. Thank you. Hope I can be of help too.
Ps. Didn't reread all this and my auto correct is real bad. Fingers crossed that it didn't screw up so bad that nothing made sense....lol
Enjoy today, the best we can, doesn't haveto be perfect, we just need to be
Love you guys
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Anyone up for a name game? My Mom "in law" sent this bear home with my DH. It is a cancer bear and it's used to bring comfort and luck to anyone who owns it. It needs a name and if it's a girl or a boy. I'll put all suggestions with the person's name in a hat and have DH draw from them. 🤔🤔🤔🤔
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Square Bear
Alphabear
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Thank you feline, I love both names
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love alpha bear
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