OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid

EmilyInOntario

Hmm..hope my post made sense...darn chemo brain...

Makratz

I understood your post......EAT ASPARAGUS!

EmilyInOntario

I buy asparagus every week now as a tribute to all of  you wonderful ladies with a sense of humour...oh..and because I like it! *L*

Anonymous

Dilly

Emily, I understood what you were trying to say - I think most women on this thread understand that "healthy living" helps fight cancer; but nobody really knows the cure yet.  FYI I do have the 1771 Encyclopedia Britannica - 3 vols., and what it has to say about breast cancer is interesting to say the least and certainly made me glad to live in the here and now. 

They used to put stickon tiny bb's on me when getting a mammogram, to identify the scars from previous biopsies. Once we forgot to take one off, and DH saw it later, and, amazed, he asked "is that how far they squish'em?"  I of course said "Yes!"

Bagawk!!

ps: I love asparagus! 

EmilyInOntario

Lost Creek..ohhhhhhhhh.would love to know what they said about breast cancer in 1771..I am such a history buff!

thenewme

JanetinVirginia

JanetinVirginia

good one newme!

thenewme

thenewme

JanetinVirginia

EmilyInOntario

*L*  Too funny....love the Ativan one especially...

sandymess

Ok, this is sick BUT it made me laugh!

Anonymous

sandymess

Anonymous

http://ohcrapitsbreastcancer.blogspot.com/

Anonymous

It's ask,  not aks.......this is an axe

thefuzzylemon

Sandy...totally twisted but I loved it!!!  HAHAHAAA!!  I might have to post that one at my desk at work!

cluckin and passin

Anonymous

thefuzzylemon

CONGRAT'S EVERYONE!!!

Anonymous

Anonymous

Makratz

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsidera te and uncaring husba nd started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great prod uct.

Well, gotta go, have to w rite to the Hefty ba g people.

Anonymous

Makraz, That letter made my day.  Thanks for the big chuckle (I mean cluckle)

JanetinVirginia

Makratz

I'm sure most of you have already seen this one, but it is one of my favorites and I wanted to share it with those cluckers who have not seen it.

Puff, puff, pass.......

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to an American company, Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.    
Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
 
Crazy!
 
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:   'Have a Happy Period.' Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
 
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man!
 
If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that' s a promise I will keep. Always.
 
Best,
 Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
 

hdangelbaby

yes yes yes!!! i absolutely love the letter, and the lobsters with the baby, and everything from pages 76-80 ( uh.i kinda forgot in detail what's what on previous pages, damn you chemo brain!)

fuzzy working on a new brownie recipe, may include asparagus! lol

makraz and mindovermatter, you keep the laughs going for sure!!!

i'm sitting here laughing while i was cathcing up on previous pages, and my husband keeps coming in here and asking "what is so damn funny?" i said "lobsters boiling babies!" and kept laughing,,, he kinda laughed too.... then left me to my sistas!!! i mean chicks!!!!

BAWGAWWWWWKKKK!-- WITH LOVE- ANGEL

dutchgirl6

EmilyInOntario

 *laughing through every page*

My favourite all time "letter" is the WC one ( water closet). I'm guessing everyone knows that one?