Chemo Starting Sep 09

chinablue

Oh Ladies, so much has gone on in your lives since I last visited this sight! I am relieved to know that we are all still kickin'

I just had a te exchange. If you remember, I started with an immediate diep reconstruction at the time of my mx (Aug. 09). Well, I saw my ps yesterday at the one week follow up. Everything is healing and I can go back to work on Monday.  

Ladies, I am feeling a little discouraged. My foob is a decent match to my natural, but it does not have the same tear drop shape (even with the gummie implant).  Ok, I can live with that, but what I am struggling with is the big dent on the side and off balance cleavage. Heavy sigh.

 My ps says he wants to do some fat grafting to correct the shape.  Good right. However, he says it would not be wise to start on that until OCTOBER.  That means I will be starting my THIRD year of reconstruction!  

I guess I should just be glad that I am NED, you are here, and my family is good, the sun is shining and their are beautiful wildflowers out there to find. 

vickilynn

CHINA - so glad you checked in!  And i'm so sorry about your struggles... I just today found something I'd written one year ago at birthday time.  It was a list about growing older and life in general after cancer and chemo, but the last thing on my list was:  "I hate my deformed body."   I didn't have reconstruction - 1 side mast. - so I live with a prosthesis.  What a pain.  I read the problems with recons and am glad I didn't go thru more surgeries, but every once in awhile I wonder if I should have.  It's just hard, isn't it - no matter what choices we made.  I think over the last year I've accepted my body and my scars better, but there are days... it's just plain ugly. 

Thankfully, this time of year, there are beautiful wildflowers around every bend in the road!  Keep looking for them.

chinablue

Vickilynn you are an absolute darling!  Yeah, I was having a bit of a pity party. I read over my post, got my head together and deleted it.  You are so nice to private message me.  

What was my pity party all about...reconstruction. My story started, as you all may remember, with an immediate diep Aug. 2009.  The result was a pancake like bcup that did not match my natural dcup.  As soon as the doctors gave me the ok after chemo/rads. I had a lift on my natural and a tissue expander placed under my diep foob. I had lots of scarring so the ps took quite bit of it out when he placed the tissue expander and I began going in for fills. Later, my ps did some scar revision.  Last week, I had a gummie implant placed in my foob and a small implant placed in my natural.  I thought my revision was coming to an end. All I needed was a fipple.  Well as it turns out, I have a significant dent in my foob (where all the scarring was removed) and an uneven cleavage. Ug. My ps said he could fix the problem with fat grafting, but because I had radiation my skin needs to rest and the fat grafting would not be until October 2011!  I would then have to wait for the grafting to take and hopefully I could get a fipple by December 2011. So, It will have taken me 2.5 years of reconstruction to be put together. 

The truth is I could have bigger problems.  My family is healthy, happy.  I love my husband more than ever. I live in a nice area.  I decided that sometimes I just need to see the beauty beyond my chest.

I am so happy that all of you are still hangin in there.

Tomorrow, is the Relay for Life (American Cancer Society) at our local high school.  It is a huge event in our community.  The high school boy who is the head organizer lost his lovely mother to breast cancer about 8 months ago. She was diagnosed with the same stage and type cancer as me about a year before my diagnosis.

It is all about perspective.

Sending love to you all. 

jadams1264

Good morning SOSisters... another beautiful day in NC and I have to go into work at 12 and work until 9.  Poor me

China Blue - wow, sounds like you have had quite a time and I can understand you being discouraged.  You are taking the right approach about putting it all into perspective!  I had a major attitude adjustment when I ended up in the hospital in January.  We are having Relay for Life here today and I wanted to participate but couldn't change my schedule.  So I made a donation and will do our Cancer Walk in October.  That one I'm in charge of at work and we raise money each year, a little bit more every year.  With the economy this year, who knows.  Sounds like with the exception of the never ending breast battle all is going well with you.  We've missed hearing from you and glad you are back on board.  We always have time to listen, where better than here?

Take care.  Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Jane

P.S.  Barbara - yes I walked last night

BarbAnne41

China, I can relate, I have had few pitry parties too, it can be hard not too. Glad you are feeling better.

Jane! Yea for walking! Sorry for the 12 to 9, but if you love your job that's all that matters!

jadams1264

Good morning SOSisters.... just thought I'd drop by and tell you I am thinking of you this morning and how I appreciate all of you!  Have a happy Tuesday!

Jane

msmpatty

PAMELA JO!   My eyes nearly popped out of head when I signed in and saw your post.  Like everybody else, I think about you often and send all kinds of positive vibes your way when I do.  Sounds like you've been busy and fighting the good fight.  Keep it up, girl.  And keep in touch.  We miss you!

Barbara -  So...about this itch...the biopsy pretty much showed what it is NOT, but not what it IS?  Do I have that right?  And all they have for it is some anti-allergy stuff?  Humpf.  You may be lucky they didn't tell you it is all in your head and cart you off to the shrink.  But...I hope it helps!

Vicki - Good news on the NED.  At our age I think just about everyone has at least some osteopenia.  I figure BC and Femara has done me one favor in that I had the DEXA and now know I have a problem so I can get the calcium and the D and the exercise.  Without that I'd be blithely going about my business while my bones fall apart.  

Jane - I hope the Tamox treats you better than Femara.  As much as you don't like it, I'm glad you are back on hormonal treatment.  IT IS THE RIGHT THING FOR US HR+ GALS!  I'm battling my achey joints and bones with gloucosamine, exercise, stretches, and Tylenol.   I read a post the other day from a gal who was running out of chemo options and very upset about it.  It got to me thinking how lucky we are to have hormonal treatments...even with the SE's.  Our TN sisters would probably be delighted to take something that's been proven to be so effective in preventing mets.

China - Your reconstruction sounds soooo frustrating, no wonder you had to rant.  I say...rant away!    Obviously we are all more than our chests, but sometimes it is hard to remember that.

Gotta go do my walking and exercising....have a good week everyone!

Patty

BarbAnne41

Patty- I know right? It basically said it looked like a drug reaction that had been scratched a lot..to which I say really? But on the bright side between being off Tamoxifen and on this new cream my skin is healing like gang busters.

I'm in a bit of a funk, DH and I had a heart to heart Monday about the stuff that has been eating away at me, I think I mentioned it a few months ago....I feel better but I don't. My oncologist sent a letter he is leaving the hospital in August and my co worker and best friend has decided to retire which will most likely radically change my job, and maybe not for the better.. I feel a bit abandoned and I think that little girl inside me who fears that, those of you who read Dewey know what I mean...I think she has surfaced...so better days are coming and everything works out right ladies?

Love and big hugs

Barbara

Enjoy Idol if you are a fan!

vickilynn

I'm hoping you sisters on the east coast are doing OK.  i'm watching the news right now (7:45 pm PST) and it looks like big storms and winds...

Stay safe! 

jadams1264

Hello SOSisters... just checking in on this beautiful but very warm Sunday in NC.  I am on vacation and spent yesterday scrubbing floors and cleaning carpets.  Such fun!  However bbq today and fun so it all evens out. 

Patty - I am having good/bad days on the Taxmoxifin.  Hot flashes stink but so far my bones are ok.  I tell myself that I have to think of the good it's doing and not the side effects.  I also have ostepina and take calcuim and Vit D and multi-vitamin.  Will have a bone density in July/August to see how my bones are doing.  Sorry you are having aching bones, if worse comes to worse talk to your doctor about Celebrex, it really did help me and is as safe as aspirin.

BarbAnne - I hope you are out of your funk.  There are times it seems like it's all piling up at the same time.  They say walking is good for mood (ha).  I go through my own moods sometimes, got really down when I had my heart thing but I survived and decided I was going to try to be a lot easier going.  My new philosoply "It is what it is".  Doesn't always work but there are so many things I cannot change and am finally accepting that fact.  You will be just fine and I'm sending you positive vibes!

VickiLynn - storms passed us by but we are now in the time of year that we have to expect we might get a thunderstorm every afternoon and depending on the severity maybe a chance of a tornado.  I feel so bad for the midwest, I just cannot imagine having your whole life ripped away in a matter of seconds.

Everyone take care and enjoy this weekend!

Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Jane

BarbAnne41

Jane- Thanks! I am like you, good days and bad. But thanks for the advice. I am glad you had a local boy win Idol. He's young isn't he?

Tomorrow is my six month diagnostic mammogram, keep me in your thoughts and prayers? I feel fine about it, but my husband is a wreck...what am I to do with him?

Love and hugs

Barbara

vickilynn

Hello all.  Heard there is unseasonably warm weather on the east coast, but we're having unseasonably cool and rain here.  Just had breakfast with my biological sister.  She's 8 years older than I am (that makes her REALLY old) and I was thinking about you all and how much I appreciate my heart sisters!   Thank you for your love and encouragement and listening to me just rattle on and on and on...

BarbAnne41

Vicki! we love that you come in and chat it isn't rambling!!

Clear mammogram today...man it gets worse the farther I get from chemo..but still very happy and very thankful!!!!!!!!

love to all my sistahs

Barbara

jadams1264

Good morning SOSisters...my vacation is winding down but must say I've enjoyed it.

Where is everyone?  I feel like we are dwindling down and I'm afraid I'm going to get on here one day and nobody will have posted forever.

VickiLynn - guess you are at the ranch.  You will have to let us know how that is going and if you are having a good time.  I never think you ramble!

Barb -  so the mamo is out of the way.  WooHoo!  Now we just have to find you that perfect job!  How's the walking going?  I'm not even going to tell you how bad I have done.  I walk more when I'm working 5 days a week!

Neece - where are you our Austrailian girl?  You must be very busy, we miss you.

Patty - is it save to assume you are tied up with weddings?  How are the aching bones?  So far except for hot flashes I can't complain about the Tamoxifin.

ChinaBlue - please check back in and let us know how it's going.

PamelaJo - a quick post is all we need.  Just so we know you are okay.

RonnieKay - where are you?  We miss your wonderful posts and what's going on with you.

Florida Barb - how's your mom doing?  Know you have your hands full working and worrying about mom.  We miss hearing from you.

And everyone else I didn't mention, sure would love to hear from you!

Take care.  Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Jane

vickilynn

BarbAnne!  Great news!!!

Ditto what Jane said - we'd love to hear from you all

BarbAnne41

Thanks ladies, what a relief!!

I do feel like now that we aren't in active-active treatment the numbers are dwindling, but lets not give up hope!! We held each other through the tough times, lets hang out for the easy!

Look at me Jane being lazy 

B

Neece

Sorry all my dear friends I have been AWOL for a  while. I got a nasty dose of laryngitis followed by heavy head cold that is still with me several weeks later. Dealing with that plus work plus my sister in law in hospital recently plus my good friends ill plus plus plus.... oh well, it's all OK, just didn't leave much 'me time' for a catch up with my bc friends.

But I DiD see Pamela Jo's post and did a little happy dance! So so wonderful to hear from you. I am sorry you have been having more health problems and it certainly sounds like you have had major life changes and challenges. I hope you will get through all that. We certainly missed you.

 Sorry not to have caught up yet on everyone's news. Just wanted you to know I am still here!

neece

msmpatty

Hi!   On 5/29 I put the 14-year-old on an airplane to Costa Rica for a school trip, dropped the cats off at the kennel, and headed to NYC for a week of museums, plays, shopping, and eating with an old friend.  We had a grand time and I celebrated my birthday in Big Apple style.  We are all home again and all the better for our respective vacations.

Despite the rashes, hot flashes, aches and pains...I still think we are so lucky to have the hormonal treatment options.   I noticed that after walking for hours in New York every day, my joints didn't ache at all (can't say the same about my poor feet!).  So, unfortunately, I have to say that for me moving is the key. 

I've decided to ward off the fears about recurrence/mets and keep the doldrums at bay by focusing on working like crazy to be as happy and healthy as I can right now.  If cancer comes back, so be it.  I'll be ready to fight it again. 

I heard about a study in the UK which said that the Calcium daily dose recommendations are way to high!  They said something like 800mg is sufficient for bone protection, don't know about you but my Onc said 1500mg.  The study showed the extra doesn't help and can even hurt...like causing kidney stones.  Ouch!  I'm sticking with the higher dose but plan to ask my onc about it next month.

Good to hear from everyone.  Onward and upward ladies!

Patty

unklezwifeonty

Hi all,

How is everyone doing? I am coming up for 2 year since discovery the lump. Looking forward to the milestone.

Anybody else bothered by their port scar? My lumpectomy scar has healed extremely well but the port scar looks ugly and I am wondering if there is anything I can do or get done to it, like plastic surgery, tattoo or something.

msmpatty

Onty - I hate my port scar.  Although the incision seems to be fading I have quite a big divot in my chest.  Not pretty.  I don't know what they can do about it though...

Patty

vickilynn

I actually have 2 port scars!  The port had moved during chemo and required a 2nd incision to remove it!  Though there are scars, they aren't so bad.  I loved what some woman had shared - can't remember if it was on this Board - when asked by a teen why the scar?  She said, "It was a mugging." 

So good to hear from you Onty and from Neece - sorry about your health and family health issues. 

Patty - Happy Belated Bday, you old lady!!!  Finally caught up with me!  What a great birthday trip : ) 

Jane - Keep walking!

We didn't move to the Ranch due to my DH's health issues... but we're still in No. California and today was our first day of real sunshine after many days of storms - love it.   

jadams1264

Hello SOSisters....back to work this week.  Was it only a few days ago I was on vacation?

Onty - it's wonderful to hear from you.  I must be the only person on this post who still has a port.  My onc said keep it 2 years and then get it out.  I must say when I ended up in Cardiac ICU I was glad to have it after my veins started collapsing.  How are you doing otherwise?

Neece - sounds like you have been very busy.  Hope you are over your illness and feeling better.  Is it cold there yet?

Patty - what a wonderful way to celebrate your birthday.  I am right on the heels of you and VickiLynn and will turn 59 next month.  Where do the years go?  Did your son enjoy Costa Rica?  A lot of ladies on the Famera website swear walking is one of the best ways to get rid of the aches and pains.  in my case, it was so much easier said then done.

Vickilynn - I bet I will have 2 port scars too.  I hate to think how much scar tissue has settled over my port in all this time.  I will let y'all know come December.  So what did you do in the sunshine today?  Glad the storms are over, sunshine is always so welcomed after stormy days.

Take care everyone.  Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Jane

Neece

Patty your birthday trip sounds wonderful. I so love your attitude -to work like crazy to be healthy and fit and then be able to deal better wiith cancer if it does come back. Such a positive approach.



for those dealing with scars - have you tried regular daily massage with vitamin e cream or bio oil? I try to do this over my mastectomy scars each day after my shower and I do think it has helped some what. It also helps prevent scar tissue getting tight and rigid.

msmpatty

Good suggestion Neece.  My surgeon told me that massaging your scars is the best way to get rid of them.  She's not a fan of ointments...but I think they help.  I used Emu Oil (from that odd bird down Neece's way) daily during radiation and by the time my "sunburn" was gone, my lumpectomy scars were invisible.   Then like a dummy...I forgot about it for the port scar.  Getting back on it!

Patty

BarbAnne41

Good to hear from everybody. Patty your b-day sounds just wonderful! Happy Birthday late. Can I send my teenage daughter to Costa Rica too? She picked a fight with me last night that had me a crying mess standing out in the garage for over an hour, the deck had too many mosquitoes...she hasn't spoken to me since, I am so tired of the teen years.

Vitamin E oil works fabulous, my Rad/Onc recommended it and I used it diligently until all my skin in that area became too itchy, but my breast scar is really very pale. I too forgot about the port scar, and now I have a variety of other scars from rash/itch/ and dermatologist taking samples, I'm a mess, good thing I'm not a nudist..ha ha.

chinablue

Well, the good news is my family is healthy and happy.  I am in really good shape.  I have reconciled my breast reconstruction problems and it looks like they will be resolved with lipofilling, so all was going pretty well.  Then, I had some spotting/bleeding eventhough I am in chemo-pause.  My gyn did a uterine biopsy and I am waiting for results.  You all know how that is... 

I keep telling myself most likely everything will be fine. I try my best to hide my anxiety because no one can do anything about it.  Worry is just not productive and is horribly annoying to hear. 

So, let's see maybe I will go to the gym, make some cookies, buy some shoes, kiss my husband, play bananagrams with my daughter and of course contact you gals because it is okay to dump here.

Love ya

vickilynn

Oh Chinablue - We all know that horrible waiting time.  Praying all will be well.  Better eat some of those cookies too!  We love you and are anticipating good results.

BarbAnne - I trust by the time she gets home from school, all will be well with your daughter.  First you get good news physically, then you have to deal with the emotional things. 

Patty - I used straight Vitamin E oil on my mast. scar and it really looks much better than my port ones.  Like you, I forgot to use it on them!  Is it too late?  They're really not too ugly - but they are there.  I can't say they are a reminder ... don't need any of those!

Neece - How's your lymphedema?  Did it ever go down?  I have a slight swelling but the dr. wasn't too concerned.  I've been trying to do some light weights to build up strength but it makes it swell too.  I hadn't realized how weak my arms were getting!  What a wimp I've become!

Jane - Ah - I enjoyed the sunshine on Wed. with a trip to the coast... you know I love that.  And today I'm going swimming with my granddaughter! 

msmpatty

Barbara - Nudists.  LOL.   I'm afraid of vitamin E oil.  I once put some on my face, went in the sun, and got itchy bumps everywhere.  Demotologist said it was a photo-allergic reaction (oil+sun=allergy).   Here's my advice on fighting with teenagers:  Don't attend every fight you are invited to.  If my son tries to pick a fight over something arbitrary I simply look him in the eye and say firmly "I'm not going to argue with you about that".  Then I turn around and walk away. 

China - First they build you up, then they lipo it out?  Who knew it could get so complicated?  I'm glad your reconstruction woes are better and I'm sure everything will be just fine with the biopsy.  I had a friend who went into chemopause and then years later started her period again.  She had almost completely forgotten about birth control at that point!

Vicki - Have fun swimming!  I think you can "oil" your scars anytime.  I started on my port scar and the skin cancer scar last night.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Patty

BarbAnne41

China- I am right there praying and sending you good thoughts, Sounds like you have a good plan to keep your mind off everything. Dump here anytime, that's what sisters are for.

Vicki- I agree with Patty, I think you can oil scars anytime, and no DD came home from school, I was napping, and she left before I got up, but according to DH she seemed just as pissy as before. 

Patty- Good advice, I really try to diffuse and remain calm, but girls have a way, especially only-child, pretty 17-year-olds, of sticking the knife in and twisting and I think it just set me off, we are in a very expensive phase, cars, gas, proms, senior photos, etc...etc..and evidently she must think all this is a god given right AND she can be rude because she is a moody teen, with mood drama-filled friends...I said to my husband she better be different after high school or one of us needs to move out, either her or me, I accept I have to live like this through the teen/high school years, but afterwards, I want some peace back in my life.

As far as Vitamin E oil, wow, I hadn't heard of that but good tip. 

Hugs to all my sisters

jadams1264

Hello SOSisters.... hope this finds everyone doing well.  Interesting reading about the using Vitamin E and Emu oil on the port scars.  You will have to remind me when I finally get my port out because I will have completely forgotten about it by then!

Neece - hope this finds you doing well and enjoying cooler weather "down under".  It was 100 here today with no breeze in sight.  Must be summertime in NC.  How is the job going, are you still enjoying it?

Patty - love your advice to BarbAnne about teenagers.  I also had a teenage drama queen and know from experience that they can push every button you own plus a few more!  Did your son have fun in Costa Rica?  

BarbAnne - I can so relate to your woes with your daughter.  I'd love to tell you that when she turns 18 she will automatically turn into a wonderful mature adult - NOT!  But it will get better.  My daughter and I fought all the time about anything.  We are the best of friends now but still have our moments every once in awhile.

ChinaBlue - glad your breast reconstruction is moving along more smoothly.  You are in my thoughts and prayers and will stay there until you get your all clear from the doctor.  Even though I was in memopause (natural), I had bleeding which scared the heck out of me.  Turns out I had a fibroid tumer which was removed in out patient surgery.  Of course, this was before my BC, now I would be a nervous wreck waiting for results!  Come back and dump anytime and let us know what kind of cookies, what kind of shoes and if husband and daughter were delighted to have your company!

Vickilynn - how did the swimming go with grandaughter?  What size are the weights you are using to build up your arm strength?  I should be doing the samething but if I am as successful at that as I am with my walking - well..... no motivation....  Glad you enjoyed your trip to the coast.

Take care everyone.  Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Jane