Chemo Starting Sep 09
Comments
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"Survivor" is a word with many meanings.... I am a survivor - not just of cancer, but of life. No matter what they want to throw at me, I plan to survive it! Unfortunately, not everyone can survive this disease. My sister and my mother could not. But I don't look at it that I am disrespecting them by using that term. I feel that I am honoring their loss by continuing to fight and find ways that others can also survive, that maybe couldn't have before. They are my guardian angels, and if I continue to survive, it will be because of them, and what I learned helping them that is helping me to survive. Part of every survivor "ceremony" that I have seen or read about on this disease includes both a celebration of those that are still here, and rememberance of those that did not make it. We fight this fight as much for them as for us! And if you live one day past your diagnosis, to me you are a survivor! I remember waiting for that mystical "5 year mark" and being so happy when I reached it, only to have the big "C" pay me another visit 8 years after the 1st. So I still fight.....and I still survive.....and I still honor those that were lost before me. And may god bless and protect us all! (sorry for the small book, lol)
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Amen.
Thank you for sharing. I love your sentiments.
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Thank you for all your insights on Relay for Life and survivorship... gives me something to think about.
And Neece, you're so right about the hair. Over the past 9 months we've certainly devoted a lot of online time to it!
It'a an interesting question to ponder. How much is our identity wrapped up in our hair? Evidently a lot! I know it's made me think more about how my husband feels (being bald) and why and how he misses it. And I am very grateful for what little hair I have - as strange as it looks.
DH and I were sitting in the front of our car, waiting to go through the car wash last week... I go back and forth between wearing a hat or not, and I wasn't that day. The attendant walked up and said, "So how are you boys this morning?" Then he got up to the window and saw that I wasn't one of the "boys"!!! He got embarrassed, my husband tried to help by telling him I'd had cancer... I just smiled. It was comical, but it was also embarrassing!!! anyway. I make sure and wear earrings if I'm not wearing a hat!
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the thing under my posts is unclear, i know.
I had a bi lateral mx in July last year. I took T/C no radiation. Got too toxic after two treatments so she shut me off from further chemo. I had lat flap recon in march and they found bc in the scar tissue they remove. not much, only one field in a microscope. so, they thought that was what is referred to as seeding. Then I found a new lump in the upper part of my mastectomied/reconstructed breast on the right side. Had a biopsy, it was cancer. The surgeon removed it. Got a new oncologist. He put me on four rounds of A/C, twelve rounds of Taxol, then about 30 doses of rads. I jsut did my #2 A/C yesterday. Just tired and weak as for SE's, and the ever present headache.
The bs nurse called yesterday to give me the margin news. I no longer care. She's had two shots at getting all the breast tissue I have out and she's failed. By all standards, a 2mm clear margin is suffiecient. She wants 3mm. I don't care what she wants. No more cutting. My new onc felt a lump I found (I'm a lumpaphobe now), and he thinks it is nothing but perhaps a raised spot from the surgery since it is right on top of a tendon. He honestly doesn't think it is anything to worry about, but wants to watch it. If he did think it was something, he would get it checked........thats how he rolls. I like that. He also felt a hard lymph node in my arm, patted my head and told me to stop being a nervous nelly..... said he's felt tons of cancer and neither of these things "feel" like cancer. I've felt a lot of cancer lumps too. They don't feel like it. My gut says they aren't.
I had hodgkins lymphoma when I was 17. I was stage 4. My onc then told me that the regime he had in store for me would be torture, but he would save me. It was horrible. Back then, they didn't have all the nice anti nausea drugs they do now. They gave you compazine suppositories, which, when you have explosive diarrhea from chemo, do not stand a chance to work. LOL I took 30 rounds of full mantle radiation after chemo. High dose. Being that I was still developing breasts, it is now believed and science has proven that 20 years later, all of us who were given this treatment are now coming back with aggressive breast cancer. Both men and women. Sucks don't it?
Anywho......this is why I'm very educated on cancer. This is why my gut tells me when to be scared and when not to be scared. This is why I have the sense of humor I have. If not, I'd cry all the time and probably had slit my wrists long ago. This will be the third time I've went bald, each time having a new color and texture when it comes back in. This is why I live each day as if I am indeed dying, but thankful that I'm not doing it today.
Ladies.... as bad as things seem sometimes, both with cancer, the worry, home, kids, work, stupid people, messes, money, husbands, neighbors, etc etc..... it could always be worse. Each breath you take is precious. Each day you wake up with no dirt in your face is a good day. Keep the lumphobia in the back of your mind to keep yourself healthy and on top of things, but don't let it rule your lives. You WILL FIND IT if it comes back. You will be able to treat it again. I've had 9 different chemo drugs over the course of my life. There is no limit to what they can give you. I shouldn't be able to take more radiation, but God gave me good skin...... you cannot tell I had high dose radiation. I have no permanent damage, so I'm a candidate to nuke these little bastards wherever they may be hiding.
Live girls. Live. Be happy. Laugh. Find the humor in everyday things. I laughed till I cried yesterday because my grandson thanked God for his football helmet in his prayers. He wears it to bed. He's two.
I love you all. Don't worry bout me. I'm gonna be fine. This is the last time I'll have cancer. God told me so.
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Pamela, thank you for sharing so openly once again.
I had horrendous headaches with A/C at the beginning. It was a few treatments before they discovered I was having an allergic reaction to the Zofran. Are you taking that? It's rare to have an allergy to it --- but ocne they stopped it, I got my "head" back!
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Pamela I too had horrible headaches with AC at first, for me, it was a se of the Decadron. Excedrin Migraine seemed to help, and by the third treatment I didn't have them any more. Big soft hugs to you girl you are always in my thoughts!God is right by the way...
Ginnie- very nice thoughts and thank you for sharing, I couldn't agree more. With Pamela too about the precious breaths!
I have developed quite an aversion to all this related to any of it. Susan G Koeman race for the Cure was today, and I avoided all the news networks, so did the hubby, I have been living it, I don't want to watch it too. A friend gave me a Relay for Life Travel Mug, from a donation she made in my honor, and while I am touched, (and by the way grateful for all that these charities do) I just don't want it staring me in the face. The aches, pains, weight I've gained, thanks you steroids and exhaustion, the short hair, the months I spent bald were all reminders, I don't need a mug and a ribbon right now to "remind" me too. It took everything in me not to throw that travel mug out, but I just put it in the back of the cupboard. Eventually I will be able to embrace those things, but it will take time.
I go for my follow up mammo on the breast that had the bir c next Friday, but I know it will be fine. Aahh more reminders.
China glad you got your hair "fixed"
Jane Hope yours is settling in.
Vickilynn your will be there!
Love to you all
Barbara
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I just got back from the Relay for Life event at my daughter's high school. I was up all night with delightful, spirited, energetic, happy teens. They sang and danced around the track. A few ran/walked close to a marathon!
They spoke about how cancer has touched them and their families. About 10 minutes of silence was given. There were tears and a great deal of respect for all those effected. I am so proud of them. They raised $130,000.
I did the survivor lap. I walked with two women that were 9 year and 16 year out from their diagnosis. I also spoke with a women that has a diagnosis close to mine. She had surgery 2.5 years ago.went through chemo/rads and was well for 8 months before she got a brain tumor. It has been a battle ever since. Ug. It really got to me. We hugged. She has two wonderful teens that spoke through tears.
It could go either way for me. As long as things are good for me, I am going to try to sing and dance as much as I can with what time God has given me.
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Chinablue - Sounds like a wonderful plan! Enjoy what God have given you while you have it!!
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Hi everyone...it's been so long since I've posted....But I check in every few weeks to keep up with everyone....
Pamela...try Aleve for the headaches....it was the only thing that helped me....Tried everything else...don't forget the claritan for the neulasta shots if you're getting them.... my good food was applesauce and potatoes.... oh... and go figure...salad with balsamic vineagrette... Glad to hear you're half way on the A/C...it's wicked good stuff....and should really kick anything in it's path in the butt! Thinking of you sister....you are an amazing women!
Now...just so you know...I'm getting ready to send out the September Sisters pendants...whoever wants one needs to PM me your mailing address...I would like to mail them early June...
My hair has come in super curly and brown with a few grays here and there...only problem is...it grows and curls and still looks pretty short....but no complaints here....I have hair...and you all know what I mean!
Wishing everyone wonderful days....and Pamela...gods speed with the chemo....if you have any questions...I did the A/C...more than happy to share!
Hugs everyone!
Melinda
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Hi Sisters! I'm like a menstrual cycle...show up once a month! I'm so - can I say pissed - I was up from 1-3 a.m. on Sat a.m. catching up and writing and lost it!! I crawled in bed and wanted to cry. Told my husband that I'd caught up and had written, then lost it. His comment, "What's gone is gone." It took a while before I could actually talk to him yesterday. Anyhoo...it was good to catch up & was happy/sad to hear about the hair escapades. I remember how anal I was about hair cuts/color before losing it (my hair), especially the time I paid for 3 haircuts, close to $200 within 2 weeks at 3 salons, cause it wasn't quite right and my DH didn't notice so, obviously I was insane! Have gone natural since Jan and finally have a "style"
When it came in, it was nice and smooth and everyone loved it..I think like yours Neece..so cute! Now it's crazy tight silvery white curls but still get compliments so have decided to embrace it (aka..put up with it!). I'm so happy to have a warm head again and little Hank loves to run his ringers through it when he's riding on my shoulders!PAMELAJO: I second the fact that you are totally amazing...of course we all are, but your battle is especially valiant and I see you victorious...again! Taking in your MIL..zowie..I hope you let HER take care of YOU!! I'll add my 2cents on headaches: never had one during tx..my nurse said to take Aleve & Tylenol..intermittently. It worked for me, but I didn't have A & believe me, I'm thankful every day because of the effects it had on my dear sisters here! JANE: Femara is evil..but when I considered telling the onc I was stopping it, reality hit that it's a necessary evil! My body aches...all the time, I feel like an old lady, and can't stop eating. I've found swimming helps so try to get to the pool as much as possible. NEECE: how is your new job??? I can't believe you're headed for winter..it still feels like winter in Seattle and I'm so hungry for sunshine!! MELINDA: I know you've probably given the scoop on the pendants but do we owe you? I'm so excited! Talking about Relay For Life: last year, a friend asked me to walk right after my lump. I almost smacked her, but politely said no (she was chair for it). This year I've had people ask me for donations..OMG..I gave to a couple but now just let it pass by. I've done Relay for years and did the first 3-day 60 mile walk in Seattle and would never have asked a person who's fought cancer to donate! My son-in-law's sister walked "as me" at her college in Virginia (I was a virtual walker!) and she sent me the shirt, etc. She went to the reception, etc. It was very special as she said I was her hero and she was honored to take my place. CHINA: your experience at Relay sounds like it was a very poignant moment...beautiful. I believe we all have a more clear picture of what life is about now...how blessed we are to have had the strength, courage, love and will to fight this intruder!! The last year has flown by...there was a bit of turbulance, the food was lousy, the people we sat next to have become close friends, and we made it safely to our destination...what a trip!
Happy Birthday to all those whose special days I missed and I know that you were all smothered with love on Mother's Day! My love & thoughts are with you always.
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Ronnie...no charge...this one's on your sister....;-)
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Anyone heard from our DenverDiva (Susan) in awhile? If you're reading this - we miss you!
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VickiLynn, now that you mention it no, I haven't heard or seen her in a while, hope she is well.
Melinda- Nice to see and hear you again. You sure? Not even for shipping? I think I may have PM'd you my info early on, let me know if I didn't and I will. You are really sweet to do that. Thank you!
RonnieKay- So happy to hear from you!!! Hubbies can be insensitive, I think it is in their DNA sometimes. I am super glad you found it in you to repost.
Love to you all
Barbara
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Oh Pamelajo...with all you have been through and here you are giving the rest of us words of encouragement. You are one amazing (not to mention amusing) person. And my personal hero. Here's another theory on the headaches...I was told they are caused by the the "C". I suppose just to round out all the other SEs that the "A" so enthusiastically provides. On the advice of my Onc I took a daily Clariton throughout AC and Taxol to keep any allergy-based SEs at bay. Maybe it would help with the headaches?
Melinda...how lovely of you to provide the September Sisters pendants. That is one BC souvenir I will be proud to wear in honor of all of you and the journey we've taken together on this board.
Barbara...you did indeed warn us about the hair color after your adventures in that department. Being a natural strawberry blonde, I wasn't dismayed by the red tones. What disappointed me was how dull my hair is, no shine! But a little Bumble & Bumble hair wax fixes that right up. Good luck with your mammo...it'll be just fine!
China...your daughter's Relay for Life events sounds wonderful. I think we sometimes forget that this disease affects not only us, but all of those who love us. Especially the kids.
Vickilynn...sorry for the "mistaken identity" at the carwash! Goes to show just how important hair is. Which, no doubt, is why we spend so much time futzing with it and about it. My father was bald and my mom had an embroidered pillow on their bed that said "God only made a few perfect heads. The rest he covered with hair." So bless our little bald-ish heads!
Patty
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Hi Girls!
PATTY: How darling was that pillow for your dad
I actually told my husband upon marrying him that if he lost his hair or his teeth, I was outta here! Good thing he didn't say the same to me! Seriously, I just think everyone looks so chic with hair but I also thought everyone looked pretty cute bald VICKILYNN: I can relate to your car wash guy. When I told my husband I was glad my hair didn't scream CHEMO anymore, he said it still pretty much does! Man, that guy's earning brownie points, good thing I‘m crazy about him! So interested in the info about the mold, etc. in your old home. My son and dil have a home that my daughter and sil are renting. I know there's mold in the basement and the former owners (45 years) had a daughter with MS...that kind of freaks me out.
BARB: Will expect good news on Friday's mammo! Mine in Dec hurt like the devil and when I called after 2 weeks of pain, my nurse said I was the 4th call & they were meeting with the tech to find out why...it was her technique!
JANE: Wishing you great bones on Wed! My bone scan was great and I don't know if it‘s thanks to zometa. Are you getting zometa? Will you really take a break from femara? I've read blogs where people have gone off, ses improve, but then they go back on and it starts all over again. I just want to get it over with.
WANDA: Sorry that I missed the info about your fracture but so glad your tumor was B-9. Funny thing is that I was going to ask what that meant! I thought it was a grade of tumor...guess I'm still a novice txtr!!! Will you please tell me where the rod was put?
CHINA: How did your 10k go??? You're an inspiration!
PATTY: Love Bumble & Bumble...all of it! How are you doing on femara? Hope it treats you better than Jane & I! DIDI: sounded like you were fine on it...Jane hit it on the nose, it was a couple of months until it hit me too. Good luck!
NEECE: A friend was just diagnosed with lymphedema. She's 1 ½ years out of radiation, no chemo. She's so bummed. I would never have thought it'd come so long after lumpectomy. But your results are so improved..yeah!!! Wonderful that your DH and son's GF were able to spend good time together. Maybe it's because of you that they want harmony in the family
CATHERINE: So happy your tests were good and confidenct the onc can pinpoint what the hip pain is..so troublesome. Pain sucks...we all know that! A big relief that your tests didn't show something none of us want to hear, but still...
PAMELAJO: You Go Girl! It makes me so stinking mad that you're having to deal with ses again...but you are one strong lady and heaven knows you got fight in ya!! Did you quite working? Oh how I loved your little grandson thanking God for his helmet...bet he's thanking God for his grandma too!!
MELINDA: Is your address posted? Are you going to post a new pix of your hair? Hope to put mine on tomorrow
SENDING LOVE TO EACH & EVERYONE!!!
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melinda how exciting the pendants are nearly ready! I can't wait. I will pm you with my address but please, let me send you some money for postage as it is an overseas one for me!!
Pamela ditto the comments from others, thanks for your encouraging words to others too, even though you are facing a new battle you are still so giving to us all. I agree, this is the last time you will get cancer. you will beat this one too.
Good on China for the walk. I am so glad you found it so enjoyable and also moving.I agree that it doesn't really matter what words are used, it is the spirit of actions that counts the most.
RonnieKay, make sure your friend knows to go see a therapist experienced in lymphedema managements ASAP, if she hasn't already done so. It is a total bummer to get this diagnosis, but as my DH and I have shown, it can be managed (with lots of work and comittment) which beats living the rest of your life with a huge swollen and painful arm or hand. My next therapist visit is next week and I am eager to see what progress I have made in the past 6 weeks.
Went to see a thoracic surgeon this morning - a follow up from last year when I saw him after the car accident, with all those broken ribs. I asked him if it is possible that the pain I still feel on one side could be due to cancer, and he told me "Well, cancer cells will more likely attack damaged tissue than whole tissue". OK.... I didn't know that..... then, in the next breath, he says "But, if you had metastases, would you really want to know?" I just stared at him, then said "Of course I would! With all the treatments available now, they can offer a lot of hope!" What did he think, that someone would just give up? Stooopid man!
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My mom is not doing well. She has terrible back pain. Now, they found that there is something wrong with her heart. Ug. To top it off, she is a natural worrier and lives alone. She has worked her self up into a frenzy with the "woe as me." I know she hurts and that can do terrible things to your state of mind.
I can't help it, but she really gets me depressed. I struggle so much not to go to the dark side with all this bc stuff. Somehow, when I help her out, talk to her on the phone, visit her, I come away so down. Ug.
With the upcoming surgery, I will be spending more time with her. Any advice?
By the way, my DH is also helping her out a lot.
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Ronnie - Thanks for asking about the Femara. I'm about 7 weeks in. So far, so good. I haven't wanted to say anything because I feel so bad for you and Jane having the SEs. My mother has been on Femara for almost 10 years and never had a problem. Genetics contributed to my BC...I have my fingers crossed that they will also contribute to no SEs with Femara!
China - I sympathize with you! My mom went through some heart problems a couple years ago and that combined with macular degeneration which stole her eyesight...things were grim with her for a while. The combination of not feeling good and spending way too much time alone does not lend itself to a positive attitude and I found it very hard to be around her. I found it helped if I made myself listen and respond patiently to her problems and then at the first opportunity change the subject from her woes to happier topics...grandchildren, weird news items, television programs, family gossip, whatever. I'm not sure it helped her, but it did keep me from being drug down into her depression. About a year ago my mother decided she couldn't live alone anymore and moved to a fantastic independent living senior facility which has tons of activities, hundreds of interesting people and looks like a resort (if I could disguise my 13-year-old as an old man I'd move in myself!). Her attitude has completely changed...she's optimistic, active and full of life again! And this at 88. Hang in there!
Patty
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Thank you so much for your advice.
I will continue to make myself listen and try to be a patient as possible. I would want that if I were in her shoes. I do try to change the subject too. She has an uncanny way of bringing the conversation right back to health.
She asks me about my health, but I refuse to tell her very much. One time I let it slip that I had neuropathy, she broadcast it throughout the entire family network. Ug.
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NEECE: Please tell me that surgeon won't be putting his hands on you!!! OMG, good for you for speaking up, and letting him know a thing or two about modern medicine! Did he have any suggestion as to why the pain persists? I have 2 close friends who are seeing acupuncturists..one for neck injuries (college cheerleader, she was the skinny one who got catapulted in the air - or not!), and the other for severe allergies (she's had shots for years). They are both seeing great healing! Sometimes when my back aches, I think....why not try it! Their insurances also pay! Just a little whatayathink
I'm going to tell Camille about your advice! She hasn't said anything about the massage, etc., only that her glove and sleeve came in...and she's depressed, so you are an angel!!YEAH PATTY: I'm cheering all the way for you on the femara front! I read that it doesn't hit everyone...but I figure since 20% of the population is HER2+, and I'm that...chances are good, I'm a sucker
Onc says it should improve so I'm using strong thought and doing a few more laps!! BTW...I wonder just how many mothers in our sisterhood have fought bc...seems like too many! Did you have gene testing?CHINA: I'm so sorry you have extra worry about your mom. It's hard to deal with a parent being ill..the mood on top of it makes it a double whammy, add the fact that you're healing...WAY TOO MUCH! My mom was a bitter person, hard to get along with, moody, etc. We were beside ourselves trying to make her happy, doing things for her (which she hated), all the while she'd complain about her health. She was especially difficult at my daughter's wedding Aug/04. On Jan 11/05, she was diagnosed w/lung, liver cancer and died Jan 28th. When the hospice nurse came, 5 days before she died, she said, "from your files, I see you've had cancer for 4 years!" She didn't know, we didn't know, did the doctor know? Anyway, mom was alone too (dad died 11 years earlier) and I think that truly is the hardest part. But...what to do??? I think you're being a wonderful daughter...my guess is she wants to live alone (the independence thing), so you can't change that. Could you be open about how her mood affects you, and that it's difficult because you love her and don't want to see her in pain...but also that you're healing as well, and maybe the 2 of you can support each other before it gets to the point of either of you being, what's a nice way to say "fed up!" When mom was diagnosed, I finally got it off my chest, telling her how upset we'd been, trying everything in our power to make her happy. She was shocked...hadn't had a clue she was being difficult (even though I had hung up on her a couple of times!). It may have been a tacky thing to do on her death bed, but the next 17 days, with the family gathered around her, were some of the best we could remember! I just wish for you peace...and a healing spirit for both you and your mom. I'll be thinking..and praying for that!
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Thanks for all the advice Ladies! Pretty sure every type of chemo brings it's own set of wonders LOL I think the headache is the Neulasta shot. Thought I might skate by without it this time since my WB count was way way high (10.5 is top, mine was 10.9) thanks to all the supplements I take (herbal girl, yep thats me) Onc kinda looked at me strangely when I told him I take Purple Mushroom extract four times a day to build natural killer cells, then shrugged and said "keep it up, must be workin". BUT, on the way home the nurse called and said I had to do the neulasta cause of all the chemo i've taken before, Dr. Dayton is afraid I'd crash. BAH!!! Humbooger, shite.
Soooooo, pharm couldn't get the shot in till Monday, which meant skipping two days without it and I felt pretty darn good considering. Then Mother came and gave me the Neulasta........headache from hades. So, claritin and percocet and laying on the couch with my fluff ball of a dog who is shedding like she has mange but has more hair than I do now LOL
Enough about me. I'm fine.
Girls, the darkside. Oh I hate the darkside. When all seems hopeless and I'm barely able to function, I close my eyes and invision myself, kneeling before Christ, clinging to the tail of his robe, fingernails sunk into the fabric so hard it makes my palms bleed..... and He says "that's right, hang on. Hang on tight and we will get through this."
We........ we ....... we. I ask for strength, and God gives me more trials. I ask for patience and God gives me days I think will never end.
So, I've asked for Grace. ..........and red jello. Red jello and watermelon. I've been abundantly blessed with loads of both.
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Sending tons of love, positive energy and hope your way. You have such a way with words. God Bless.
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Good Lord Ronnie Kay, you are in full posting mode!!
Ronnie Kay and China....I went through something similar with my mom. She was getting sick, thought it was from depression, a move from "her home" to an apartment and retirement, then one morning she called me to take her into ER said she couldn't take the pain. I rushed my mom in and come to find out she had BC, and it had spread to her skeletal system. Apparently she had found the lump 6 years earlier and for a number of reasons, ignored and didn't tell any of us. Within a month she was a vent and then gone. It was really scary and really overwhelming since I was so close to my mom. But having been through it (chemo/rads etc..), I am not so sure she could have done it. I loved my mom, she was an amazing woman, but she had a very woe is me attitude and a deep fear/paranoia about doctors, but through her passing, i learned some strength to get through my own battle.
I wish I had some great advice for you China, but I don't..I guess just keep up with the positive, and know that it is all temporary.
Neece..Good for you, you tell those docs what what...gosh !! Are you on an anti hormone that might be making you achy?
Pamela..Wow girl do you have a way with words. And I love your imagery. My thoughts and prayers are with you. How is the hair, is it hanging on? I know when I was on AC about day 17 after the first tx, it started to go.
Patty, Glad you are doing so well. Will they keep you on Femara for 10 years too?
Jane and VickiLynn, Wanda, Catherine. hope you all well.
Can't wait to get my Mammogram over Friday, one more hurdle.
Love to you all
Barbara
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Hello SOSisters....boy miss a few days and everyone decides to post. I had a lot of catching up to do and hope I don't leave anyone out with my post. I have been having a heck of a time with my "little" Famera pill. I am having my own personal summer quite frequently (hot flashes) and my bones hurt so bad I can only imagine this is what I will feel like in my 80's. Giving it 3 more weeks, next Herceptin and if it doesn't get better, I will have some decisions to make. Had bone density today, hope they show up good and strong.
BarbAnne41- boy am I sorry I didn't pay more attention to your post about the hair color! I'm leaving it be until the white begins to show again. Didn't plan to go without my wig until my hair gets longer anyway. Next time there will be no golden tones, no red tones, just plain old brown. Hope your mammo is easy on Friday. I don't go until July.
Melinda - I have missed you, so glad you posted. Sent you a PM but want to say again that I would be happy to help with the postage on the pendants. Glad to hear you are doing well. Did you have curly hair before? Mine is so curly I can't even comb it, it just does it's own thing, it didn't come back brown however, it was white.
RonnieKay - have you been hanging with Melissa? Missed you girl! Yes, Famera is evil and I don't know if I can do 5 years of this. This is like "mini" chemo. I wouldn't wish this on anyone! Glad you are doing well. Any se's with Zometa? I get results from bone density in about a week. I'm not looking forward to taking anymore pills.
Patty - don't feel bad about saying you aren't having se's with Famera! Be glad, rejoice - I am happy for you. Funny how many of us have mother stories - I didn't get along with mine for years, she got a little "happy" pill and all of a sudden here was a woman I had never known! What a difference and we did have some good times before she passed away.
Pamelajo- you hang in there girl. I am so in awe of your spirit, your sense of humor. You are so strong! Good for you sticking to your guns on the surgery. Your prayer blanket sounds wonderful! On the positive side, since your patience level is at zero there is nowhere to go but up! We had to take my mother in when she was in her early 80's. She was absolutely miserable and got quite mean for a while. It was depression, loss of her sister she lived with for 30 years, start of Alzheimer's. We actually got her on medication for the depression and she turned into someone I would have loved to have known for years! You will endure and hopefully she will appreciate you taking her in when your plate is already overflowing!
Vickylynn - did your hair come in curly? Mine is curly, wavy and nappy and I can't do anything with it. In reading your post I realized I don't feel like a survivor, I feel like it was the medical staff and family and friends that pulled me thorough, I just went along for the ride. Unfortunately, everytime I have a twinge or something there is that little nagging doubt. Will it ever go away? I'm not sure it will. How is the cafe coming along? New location yet? Loved the car wash story, I can only imagine the man's embarrasment.
Neece - so glad there has been a breakthrough in the family. DH and I have been there with our daughter so I know how great it can feel for even a small sense of things getting back to normal. They never do but sometimes the bonds get stronger. I am disappointed with my hair. I think I thought when it grew back I'd just slap some color on and it would be ok. Not so. However, it will be okay eventually. Yes, the surgeon was a stupid man. People are something else, aren't they?
ChinaBlue - how did your 4th graders like your hair? Sounds like your evening with your daughter and her friends was wonderful and very moving. I know you are glad you participated. If you read in my post to PamelaJo you know I dealt with quite a bit of woe with my mother. Some days were definitely a trial but I'd do it all over again if I could. Lost her a couple of years ago and it still hurts. She could not have dealt with my having BC, was actually glad she never knew. You will do fine with your mom. You should know by now you have ample strength to deal with whatever comes you way!
Ginnie - thanks for sharing. You sound like a true survivor! It is good to be reminded that we should all appreciate everyday and not take it for granted.
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hair is gone
LOL slicked off in the shower yesterday. So I let my kid draw on me with Sharpie. New profile pic -
Hello Everyone
Just stopping by to wish everyone a peaceful and relaxing Memorial Day weekend. I'm heading off to the beach for a long weekend
THINK POSITIVE
Catherine
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Pamelajo - LOL! Love the head message. I couldn't agree more. Hang in there, better days ahead!
Jane - I've been thinking about the Femara side effects and wondering why someone doesn't do some research on what causes some of us to get them and some not...and then develop something to help! Unlike chemo/radiation SEs, which are nasty but temporary, people have to live with the SEs of the AIs and Tamoxifen for years! When I read the Femara board I see ladies who just can't do it anymore...a tragedy since these drugs are apparently so effective in preventing recurrence and mets.
Barbara - I'll be thinking of you tomorrow!
Patty
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Pamelajo - awesome head shot!
Had to skip taxol today, white counts were too low, and they said I had slightly elevated temp. But I got the herceptin, and this only moves me out one week, so I can deal without too much pouting. lol Going to primary doc 2moro to check out knot on my head where I fell last fri-slipped in water in kitchen where pipe broke and gave myself concussion. They did ct at hospital and said it would be fine - of course it will....hit my head - hardest thing on me!! but, have sore spot on back and bruise on tailbone i want my dr to look at before long weekend.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend. And remember to honor the vets in your life!
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Oh BARBANNE: You're so right...I missed everyone and couldn't stand not knowing what was going on with each one of you...and then I had to take a few gulps when I read how this crappy disease is treating us! Seriously, I think I'm a better person when I have you all to talk to...kinda like confession, only I don't have to think about how many times I used the f word or how I had bad thoughts about running over someone with my car. Anyhoo...PAMELAJO...I wanted to cry when I saw your naked head...or volkswagon with the doors open (omg..still has me rollin' on the floor), cause your hair with that headband was adorable (you and Patty looked like twins!)...but then to see the "message!!!!" I don't know how your daughter's been acting lately (I had one of those daughters too!), but how can she help but love you to pieces!!!! JANE: OH Lord, if they made me stay on femara for 5/10 years, I'd have slit my wrists yesterday! My onc says 2 years and then 3 on tamoxifen...I asked why before, now I don't care
The zometa I get is intravenous (big word). I have it every 6 mos for 3 years. The first dose was like a neulasta shot. Had a fever and body aches for a day and a half and that was it. The dental side effects looked horrid online but my dentist and her surgeon assured me it was safe since my teeth and gums are healthy. They changed my cleanings to every 4 mos while on the zometa (but they say it stays in your system for years). I just consider it part of the insurance policy I read those same stories on femara, PATTY..I just figure it's what I have to do and suck it up. So here's what I did today: had my annual gyn appt Tues. She's taken good care of me and always very in tune to family bc history cause she lost her mom @ 46 (when she was 17). SO, she did breast exam and found a lump. I just started doing self exams again...and hadn't felt it. She was bugged, said it was probably scar tissue but wanted it checked out. Yesterday was the day I found the lump last year. I went today and had the full mammo (they did bc breast in Dec), and then ultrasound. They couldn't find where the black mass met the incision so called in the head of rad and after too long (last time I laid there praying, this time I laid there swearing...isn't that awful), they found the connection. It was one weird healing area. He was SO adamant about self checking and said NOTHING should be considered scar tissue...to get checked "every time" I feel anything! I was more scared when I left than when I got there. Crap, I hate that feeling...and then I feel like I need a kick in the patooty when my sisters are dealing with real issues. So, said my prayers & cried a little for being scared and as you gals say, put my big girl panties on, and came to talk to you about it. Love you all!!!
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Short this time: GINNIE...you're one tough cookie! I can't believe you had a concussion on top of chemo...ouch! Glad you're getting checked out. Are you getting neulasta? It made my counts go sky high, so the last chemo they didn't give it to me and I didn't feel as good and had a few nose bleeds...I could definitely feel the difference (even though I didn't relish the shot, it worked!).
Happy Holiday to all...such a beautiful time of remembrance.
CATHERINE: Do you ever watch Housewives of NJ????? I watched one whole day when I was being lazy and it was awesome!!! My family thought I was crazy but it was hysterical! So, when you say you're going to the beach...I can see you there!!! Love it!
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