**NEW** Starting Chemo March 2009

crusader1

Hi Ladies,

Great News..Had my first scheduled mammogram and ultrasound since my bad one last summer and all was normal. Yes I have been on this journey for too long. Unfortunately I am not finished as I still need breast reconstruction as the first two have failed.

Sakura- Hope you are getting your spirits up. He did not deserve you.

Diane- Just loved your photos. Your hair looks much better than mine.

I met yesterday with a BC.org friend. She is not from our board. But Now I feel good knowing that all of you are real people. Just kidding. Nice meeting in person with someone who has had similar experiences.

Janine-- Enjoy your cruise.

Oh yes my husband and I are taking a five night cruise out of NY on September 7th. It has been a hard summer for us.

Hugs to all,

Francine 

chick717

Francine,

GREAT news about your mammogram/ultrasound!!   

pickle

Francine: That's terrific news. Now you can go and enjoy the cruise with some peace of mind.

Motivation: Well I put my pedometer on this morning and dragged my sorry butt out the door. Then hubby came home and after supper we walked to our sons place to water the lawn...he's away....anyhoo...I did 16,779 steps today (7.94 miles). What the heck was i thinking.....I've been loafing around for months and decide to bang off a ridiculous amount in one day. That may not be a lot for some of you gals but it sure is for me.

I know I had something else to say but chemo brain has struck again...arrrgh!

Well have a good night Ladies

Beth P

michele54

Hi all,  I've been keeping up with everyone's posts (late night reading) but haven't posted in several weeks.  Had my mast on 7/21 and am still a little sore and have a definite lack of energy.  Dealing with the emotions up until today and now feel like I'm about to have a meltdown.

 I went for my 2nd radiation setup appointment today - treatments start on Monday and after hearing horror stories about side effects, I'm scared to death to start.  Right now I'm full of magic marker, in pain from keeping my arm up for 45 minutes, tattooeed, bleeding from being tattooed, full of tape to preserve the markers, and feeling sorry for myself for the first time since being diagnosed. When I asked the radiation tech about the treatments she said my radiation treatment was "complicated".  Now I'm wondering how sick I really am.  My Onc and BS both seem optimistic about how I am doing but now I'm starting to wonder if that is just to keep me optimistic.  It was my understanding from the BS that surgery went well and she got all the cancer and I had clear margin that didn't extend anywhere but the lymph nodes.  What freaks me out about that is she removed 43 nodes of which 19 were postive.  Isn't 43 nodes way too many?  She said she only removed the front clump of nodes and mine just had a lot in it.  I looked on here and can't find anyone else who had that many nodes.  I was making plans for next summer but now I'm wondering if I should plan that far ahead.  This so isn't like me - I've been the one with the great attitude.

I'm also having residual side effects from the chemo.  The nails on my biig toe have been ridged and discolored for months and yesterday the one nail fell off UGH. Does this ever end?

Should I be freaking out or do you think I'm just being sensitive and reading into things?

Thanks, Michele

pickle

Michelle; So sorry that you are feeling  overwhelmed and uncertain but please let me assure you that this is all perfectly normal and part of the process. You have been going through a lot since diagnosis. Chemo, then surgery and now upcoming rads. I had a mastectomy and chemo but no rads so unfortunately I can't comment on that aspect. 43 nodes sounds like a lot of nodes but my understanding is that everyone has a different amount of them. Some people have very few...maybe 10 and others have a far greater amount. Apparently everyone is different. It is very good news to hear that your margins were clear. Did you get a copy of the surgery pathology report? Was there any vascular invasion? What was the tumor size etc? What stage and grade? These are all important questions and could possibly shed some light on things for you. Knowledge is power and this could possibly alleviate some of your concerns. I don't think your Onc and BS are just telling you things to keep you optomistic. Their job is to present the facts and give you the best treatment possible and not to gloss over everything .....so I don't think  they are just trying to make you feel better. They probably think they conveyed all the info to you...then when you leave their office all of these questions pop up in your mind.

The emotional ups and downs are a struggle. Now maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack and let it all out. You have been very positive and have kept up with life's routines throughout this ordeal and now maybe it is catching up a bit. It is very common after major surgery and chemo to have  emotional distress. Anathesia(sp), chemo, diagnosis, further treatment....what can I say....you have had a lot on your plate and I am only surprised by the fact that you didn't have a melt down sooner. There is no shame in having a good cry, venting and being scared. It isn't realistic to expect to be up all the time.

Take a deep breath and maybe make a list of all the uncertainties and questions you expressed in your posts. Talk to your BS/Onc and get all the answers you need. I think your BS and Onc may be seeing some positives in your reports that they haven't fully explained to you. Also it might be a good idea to start a thread here with a new heading like....large amount of lymphnodes. I am sure you would get some response from gals who have had a lot of lymphnodes removed too.

As far as rad SE's go....I'm sure the gals with experience will chime in.

Your post has really touched me and I wish I could alleviate some of your worry. I will keep you in my prayers and sending positive thoughts your way.

You absolutely should be going forward with your plans for next summer. You just need to get your questions answered so you can get back to feeling optomistic and confident that all will be okay.

Hugs....big hugs

Beth P

xoxoxo

didle20Diane

Michelle.....we are here for you this is where to come and vent.  Let it all out.  Call your onc's today for clarification OK?  Don't go through the weekend second guessing.  I think that we all do that at some point during/after treatment. 

Beth CONGRATS on 16,000 plus steps!  I haven't gone over 11,000 yet but am slowly working out more so hopefully I will be there with you!

hugs to all have a great weekend!

Diane

7timewinner

Diane, great pics! You all look wonderful, and yes, the hair growth is amazing.

I am especially find of your friend's "fight like a girl" shirt

Nadine

crusader1

Pickle (Beth),

You are just so generous in the amount of time you give to our board to make our princesses feel better and to give them encouragement, advice , moral support and just to show that we are here to listen. .

We are so happy to have you on our board.

Hugs ,

Francine

michele54

Beth - thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I will make a separate post about lymph nodes.

Meltdowns are so unlike me and I'm having a hard time dealing with them.  In addition, my house is a mess and I don't have the energy or the inclination to do it - again not like me.  I did talk to my primary who I've known for over 20 years and he called in a prescription for Xanax - I'm already on Effexor but only taking them for two weeks so they haven't kicked in yet. UGH more drugs.  Not sure yet if I will take them but wondering if anyone else is feeling the same way and taking anything for depression and/or anxiety.

Michele

pickle

Michele, Glad to hear that you talked to your primary. Take the xanax to relieve some anxiety....it will help you get over the hump. I have been taking a nightly ativan and believe me I was never one to take pills but it helps me get a pretty good night sleep. I'll be taking it next week during the day when I go for biopsy. I figure there's no need to stress my system anymore than I have to.

As far as the house being a mess.....no big deal. If it's functional enough for you to make a meal and have a bed to sleep in then don't worry about any dust bunnies.

Meltdowns have been very unlike me too but I have certainly had my share on this crazy cancer trip. Then again so much of this journey is unlike our former selves....in some aspects that's a good thing. I am certainly discovering new things about myself everyday and am feeling less uptight about things that I was really anal about before...such as housework and being all things to all people. We just have to be kind to ourselves and let it all go sometimes.

I hope you have  a restful weekend and are extra sweet to yourself. Hugs

Francine: Your note was really sweet. Thank you

Beth P

NanaA

michele54  I just finished the first 25 rads on Friday.  These were the regular all over rads.  Next Monday I start my 12 boosts to the area where the cancer was and the path it was removed by during my lumpectomy.  When I was doing the regular ones I got 5 bursts,  2 from 2 different directions and 1 from another direction.  No longer than 15 seconds and a couple of them as short as 7 seconds.  At this point the only Se are one sore blister spot under my breast ( I am a size d) and a sore spot with blister under my arm in the crease.  I did not use enough biafine under arm I don't think.  I did not realize how high the rads would go.  They told me that the rads bounce from your chest to the under arm that is above your head for an inch or two.  They said where 2 skin surfaces meet is where they will break down.  Mine did not breakdown until about treatment #22.  It is not all that bad, just a little sore and I keep a cotton sock tucked under that breast to absorb any sweat, so it stays dry and heals.  They told me less than 2 weeks and it would be totally healed.  The boosts are done with a different kind of radiation.  They told me that the skin would be redder but would not hurt like the 2 spots I  have now.  We will see.  On the whole much easier than chemo.  After the first tx I have not been in there more than 15 minutes except the day they took pictures and then maybe another 5 minutes, and the day they set up for the boosts.  They used a specially shapped mold for projecting  the rads shaped just like the area they want to radiate.  They used a marker to spot the placement but then used kind of a craft plastic sheet to copy the pattern on to and spotted the tattoos already there on the plastic and they will use that to line the boosts up without having to do any more tattoos.  That maybe took 10 minutes after my regular treatment once.  They told me my boosts will just take seconds once they have me lined up.  I will know more after Monday.  I don't think you have anything to be afraid of.  This will go OK.  If you have done the sim the worst is over as far as time on the table. Hugs  Annette

sakura73

Beth P I second what Francine said - thank you for being so open in sharing your own feelings and being so generous in helping others.

I feel calmer. I don't feel better, but I feel calmer. I read an article in the papers today which was very pertinent to my situation and I have decided to take the coincidence of it appearing just now as a sign I am meant to do what it recommends. 

This morning at the gym I ran into a work collegue. None of my work collegues have seen me bald, but of course I was head naked in the gym. He was really sweet- told me I was looking 'very Sinead'. I can handle that!

Much love to all.

bethr

Hi All..

Not much to report for me.  I've got about 20 RADS to go.  I'm started to notice a little redness on Friday but it went away over the weekend.

Francine - Great news about your mammagram!!!  I'm very happy for you.

Diane - I enjoyed the pics of your NoVA meeting.  I like seeing the different stages of recovering.  And I loved the 'Fight like a girl 'T'.  I found a web site for them and am going to order some for myself and my sisters, sister-in-law, and nieces who have been a great help to me.  If you gals do it again, would you mind including me?  I'm in MD outside of DC and would love to meet other women going through this.

Chick - Loved your comment about going topless and dying your hair.  LOL 

Beth (Pickle) - I echo other comments about your wonderful postings.  You should become a therapist!!!  I know they've helped me quite a bit here and there.  THANK YOU!!

 All - I guess this is a little early, but...  A friend of mine in VA Beach is getting a group together for the Susan Komen walk on Oct 17th so one of my sisters and I are going down for it.  We're trying to get a team together.  If any of you in the VA Beach area are in the walk, I'd love to meet you.

 I hope you're all having a great weekend.

Beth

didle20Diane

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/709375?page=17#idx_486

Beth, please find our thread above.....we are going to try and set something up for October.  The plan is to try and get together every other month.  We met near Fair Oaks Mall which is at the rt 66 and rt 50 exit a short distance from 495.  Would love to meet you too!  It was really nice just sitting with women with similar circumstance....everyone was lovely really!

hugs

Diane

pickle

I am not in the US but that sure sounds nice to get together. I agree with Diane...getting together with gals who are similar circumstances....lovely! I haven't met any Canadians from my city.

didle20Diane

1 in 8....I hate that stat.  Does anyone do what I do and wonder who in our day to day lives have this disease?  I go to my kids' school and look at all the moms and wonder......did they have BC and have moved on with their lives?   My hair is really short I don't think that anyone that didn't know me would think that I had been through chemo recently.....My girlfriend was approached on a cruise in April (she had just lost all her hair) and she told me that strangers were wonderful to her....it was like they knew she had BC.  She said one woman just tapped her on the shoulder and told her she, too had a "haircut" like my girlfriend.  I guess I just wonder what the next phase will be for us once we get through the effects of chemo (mine are fading fast!), surgeries, rads, etc.....

Beth, wish you lived closer!  If anyone is ever near DC, send me an email!  I am stuck here for a while with 3 little kids...we don't get too far for vacation with the littles.  We get to grandma and grandpas!  We are leaving next Saturday for 5 - 6 days in the Outerbanks of NC.  Grandma and Grandpa and BIL/SIL 2 nephews plus the 5 of us ALL under one roof in a tiny house on Ocracoke Island. 

hugs

Diane

hugs

Diane 

moborn63

Starting my last week of RADS...

bethr

Hi All,

Diane - Thanks for the link.  I'll definitely check into it.

Moborn - Congrats!!!  As of today I have 19 left..  I'm happy for you...

ALL  - I got this from a friend and thought it was cute....  Hope it gives you all a giggle....   Click on the picture...

Evian Roller Babies US So small yet already incredible !
http://www.evianliveyoung.com/ 

 Have a great day!!!

Beth

jdeking

Hi all!

Francine - great news on the clear mammo! Hope you enjoy your cruise as well, funny that we will be cruising at the same time. I hope we both get lots of R&R after this tough year!

Michele54 - Beth (pickle) was right, we all have different #'s of nodes. I had only 10, but they were large. My 1/2 sister had 39 removed, and hers were small. We each had a few positive. I think it invades smaller faster, so you would likely have more infected than someone like me, who has large nodes. My sentinel node had over 2 cm of cancer cells! I think it fills each node, then moves on to the next. It takes a lot larger to fill cm than mm!

As for rads - I really found my first few to be the scariest. It is uncomfortable and unknown. However, by the 3rd or 4th it gets pretty easy and becomes a routine. I had 3 zaps for the first 28, and 5 boosts at the end (Annette - boosts are much easier and faster!). I did get some burned skin by the last week, but Silvadene cream helped immensely. You'll do fine, and the meds will help a lot.

Rachel - glad you are feeling calmer! I have been likened to Sinead as well. I can handle that. It is better than being liked to a military man (which is what my boss said!)

ccbaby

Didle...I, too, look at women everywhere I go, at restaurants, grocery store, wherever, and wonder if they ever had breast cancer. I also think, I wonder how they would handle it if they found out that they have it. I am a hairstylist and the shop that I work at has a lot of older clientele and there have been many of them tell me that they had breast cancer years ago....I have one client that had a mastectomy about 15 years ago, no chemo or radiation, and then had the other breast removed about 7 years later, still no chemo or radiation and she is 86 years old!

crusader1

Hi All,

Thanks JDeking for your good wishes. So your cruise begins on Labor day also. I believe you leave from Galveston. Is that correct. You will love it.

Diane  I was jealous of your group so I just started asking on this board for other women in the NYC area where I live. This is supposed to be a big city so I thought I would give it a try. I have had a number of responses. Hopefully soon we will meet.

Beth- Why don't you try posting for women in your province or city.

Hugs,

Francine

pickle

Diane: I also wonder how many of us are out there. I find myself counting the women in the room at a restaurant....hmmmm....1 in 8...how many of them sitting there have gone through it? 

My hair is really short too. Last week I had the food sample lady at Costco ask me if I shaved my head for a fundraiser. It made me feel good. Then I was at a hradwre store yesterday and I was using my credit card, the young gal asks for photo ID. I pulled out my license and she says...Wow this doesn't look anything like you. Duh....do young folk have no common sense anymore!

Moborn: Last week of rads....Yahoo! You must be so happy

Beth R; Thanks for the video....so cute

Francine and JDeking: You gals will have such a great time. I have never been on a cruise but I know lots that have and love it. Francine that's a good idea...I'll post it and see if anyone is in my area.

Rachel: How are you doing?

Pickle has been pickling all day. Keeping myself busy before my biopsy tomorrow.

Anonymous

Beth I was thinking that your biopsy was Monday.  I 'll be praying for you. 

didle20Diane

Hi everyone.  Biopsy is in my future too....UGH.  I got a call from my gyno about my annual pap 2 weeks ago.  It came back with abnormal uterine lining cells.  I was sitting in the car with my 3 kids and lost it.  I don't need this crap.  I am going in tomorrow afternoon and they tell me it could take a WEEK for results.  We are leaving for vacation on Saturday with in laws, BIL, SIL, nephews.....I hope I can hold it together.  I emailed my primary physician who is great and she tells me this is a very common finding.  I hope that is a good thing....but I really didn't need this.

I also see my surgeon tomorrow (who I love) who I know will talk me off my ledge.  I am going in to discuss my mastectomy for my "good" breast.  WOW that decision just got SO easy.   I don't need to panic about SFBC anymore.

Beth....good luck to you!

sakura73

 NYDeb did you start your new rounds of chemo? How are you? What is the latest treatment plan?

Beth P  how was your biopsy?

 Moborn -yay for last week of radiation!

Diane  that totally sucks about the biopsy and I don't blame you one minute for losing it. You are in my thoughts. Even though you know it will most probably be fine, it is impossible not to freak out. I am glad you are seeing your surgeon, since you have confidence there.

I am wondering a lot about my decision to only have a lumpectomy, given that many women here with comparable size tumours (indeed, mine was multi-focal)  have had mastectomies and are now planning removal of the other breast too. I am eagerly awaiting the return of my period and ovarian function - I want the estrogen back. Am I just in denial? Now that I have no boyfriend the pressure to get pregnant is slightly off, I supppose. But I do want children so maybe I should have been more aggressive in my surgical decisions since I will have plenty of estrogen around. I did ask whether I should have the thing off and the surgeon encouraged me to try a second surgery for clean margins first. It worked, so here I am. 

On the topic of how many women go through all this - the one in eight stat is a bit misleading, I think - it is one in eight women over 75 or something like that. In my age group (30-40) it is one in 256. So I am the one taking it for the team amongst the women of my acquaintance!! I did get approached by a male colleague - older than I am - who told me his wife is in treatment for it. And by a woman in a cafe who told me her hair was a wig (until then I just thought she had terrible taste in hair dye!!). So yes, there are more around than we think.

Beth, thank you for asking after me, and to others who have continued to send such wonderful warmth. I had chemo number 15 today.  Next week is the final one, and also the day I am measured for radiation. For the third week in a row I heard nothing from the artist formerly known as DBF. I didn't really expect it, but it really hurts that I am so vanished from his thoughts.

chick717

Beth - sending you lots of love and prayers today.  

Diane - we know how you feel.  I just want to get off this ride!

 

 I truly believe docs are just being extra cautious with us.  These biopsies are gonna come back as all-clears.   I am so glad we have each other to "talk" about these fears with - there is nothing like having a group of people who are going through the same emotions.  Thank you all for being my support group.  I never had a desire to attend a traditional, in-person support group, but I am amazed and uplifted by our sharing here.  

Mom_of_boys

Ladies... Was thinking today how I think the majority of us thought the worst was over when we finished chemo (and it probably was).  Of course, many of us went onto rads which IMHO was a breeze compared to chemo.  NOW, several of us continue to have challenges and tests.

I had my liver MRI yesterday.  WBCs still low... latest blood tests didn't show why.  AND, I have a stress test next week. 

I hope and pray for ALL of us that this so-called journey comes to end AND QUICK!  Amen!!!

jdeking

Good luck to all of you going through additional testing/therapy - Deb, Rachel,  Pickle, Diane, MOB - I hope all will go smoothly and everything come back normal!

Special prayers for Diane and Beth for the biopsies today. All will be well!!!

 I know just what you mean Rachel. I was always the "youngster" at all of my appointments and treatments. Was lumpectomy the right decision?? I will always wonder. At the time, it seemed ok. I hope that proves to be the case for us. I hope chemo and rads got the rest of the nasty little buggers (I had DCIS throughout the tissue they took, so I hope it wasn't elsewhere in the breast).

Francine - yes, I leave from Galveston. This is my 3rd cruise, and I just love them. Seemed like the best way to get away for a bit, and such an affordable way to vacation. Have fun on yours!

Moborn - I like your avatar pic - is that new?? Very cute. 

pickle

Diane: Awwww Crap......I don't blame you for losing it. I felt the same way when I found out I have to go for a biopsy. But I agree with Chick.....I think the docs will be extra cautious with all of us and thank goodness they are.  I am taking an ativan before I go today because I don't like needles so why stress myself out. I'm not worried about it anymore. I was freaked out for a day or two then I realized this is very common. Same for you.....very common....listen to your primary. All Clears!

Chick: Thanks for your prayers and words of wisdom. This is such a great group and it is so nice to talk to others going through the same stuff.

Deb  Thanks for your prayers. How are you doing? Any plan in place?

Rachel: Good luck today....you are almost done the chemo part of things. Your September chemo finish line seemed so far away before and it's here already. Wow....hang in there and I pray you have a SE free week.

Mom_of_Boys: I think post treatment and in treatment tests may become our normal for a while. I am trying to not let it upset me though. I am off the chemo train and decided to hop on Chick's  "All Clear" train. Jump aboard....I'm sure they'll be lots to join us. Stay positive and hang in there.

JDeKing: Thanks for the all of your support and the special prayers. I really appreciate it.

Wow, we do have such a great support sytem here.Such a blessing and I am so grateful for all of the Warrior princesses.

Hugs to all

Beth P

crusader1

Beth ..in a hurry but hoping all went well for you today with your biopsy. 

diane..Hang in there..

Beth..have you seen the board for Canadian women . I just saw the blurb on the top.

Must run.

Hugs to all,

Francine