Housework support group!!???!!

Kay-kay

Housework--what a topic.  I made several requests to my family, but all my mom says is "I'm going to hire you a house cleaner". Her home is spotless--she has been a homemaker for 24 years.  She babysits for my sister everyday, but she changes the subject whenever I mention I need help with cleaning. My counts are low, and I can not afford an infection. 

She purchased four pairs of earrings this week, and sent them to me--no visit.  She left a message, on my machine saying,  "call me to let me know how much you love the earrings."

My dad says, "I drove by your home, and your lawn is getting tall. I was thinking about cutting it for you" 

I have two friends, but they always want to talk on the phone, visit or chat at my place--when their homes look like serious mansions.  Of course, they offer, but say "I know you like doing things on your own"  I want to scream "I need help!" but something inside me will not allow it. 

I have started ignoring phone calls. One of my two friends telephoned my mom and said "I've been trying to contact Kay--Is she alright?"  My mom replies"Oh she's fine. She was just over."  That night my mom calls me and says "I told your friend you were great!"  I hadn't seen my mom in three weeks--how could I be great? I told my mom that I had undergone eye surgery for Honer's and was trying to rest.  She didn't even know or cared to talk on it.  

I almost feel like they are all saying--who cares about her situation. My mom is telephoning as I type this sentence to get feedback on the earrings--Is she really that shallow?  My garage is full of their crap, and I really want to kick it out--am I wrong for that? 

All in all, I know a blessing is in the works.      

Marple

Kay Kay.........I'm so sorry to read your post and what you are going through but YOU are going to have to tell people you are NOT ok and would love some help!  Try to remember as much as I'm sure you've gladly helped others.......they will gladly do the same for you but only if they realize it's needed.  Some people just have the knack for knowing when someone needs help.......and others need a gentle push.  And some will run the other way.........but others will come out of the woodwork.  Your mother perhaps is in denial a bit.......and wants to think you are ok.

Gentle hugs.  Do yourself a favor and the next time someone offers..........say yes please! 

Anonymous

Ah gentle hugs, Kay.  So sorry your family isn't being as much support as you need.  Why don't you just tell your friends what you need.  It's a hard situation having a friend who is sick.  You don't want to say or do the wrong things.  I found that alot of people waited to take their cues from me.  If I was open about my diagnosis then they were more free to talk to me about it.  It's awkward from others to know what to do or say.  They aren't mind readers so maybe just tell them what you need in a gentle way and those who are your true friends will rally to your side.  Those that don't weren't really true friends at all.  They were what you call 'fair weather' friends.

hollyann

Hugs Kay...Sorry you are having a crappy time of it.....May I ask what is Honer's?......

Faith, I have more ribblons ..Where do I send them this time?......

Sharon, how ya doing?.....

Barbe, hope you are done with the CT scan and all is well......

To all my dust bunnies I hope you all have a great night.........Love you all....

barbe1958

All is not well yet.....

I'm tired of everyone saying "if there is anything I can do for you" while I'm in the hospital this time. Sure, send MONEY! 

Anonymous

Anonymous

Sorry its monopoly money but that's about all our dollar is worth anymore. 

Kay-kay

Sharon,

I believe you're on to something about my mom's denial.  She gives out Bibles and other spiritual literature within the community, but when I asked her to pray with me for the excruciating pain in my left arm from RIBP and nerve damage she said it was all in my head.  She advised me to go to the hospital--it was so intense I was hospitalized for five days to reduce the pain. 

The weird thing about my mom is she seems left out whenever I go to an aunt.  She puts them down, but I tell you when I needed them most they came through for me. She didn't even want them to know.  I try not to bother them, as they have jobs; however, my mom who doesn't work--will not make herself available.

I am a giver, and they all know it--but it seems as if there's no reciprocity.  I'm really serious about cutting all ties.  

barbe1958

More than I have in my savings anyway! (my accounts inconceivable...)

arnie

Anonymous

Kay-kay

Hollyann,

RIBP caused Honers and nerve damage on my left side. I had drooping upper lid. It would just close on its own.

Below is a definition excerpt:

Horners syndrome is primarily due to damage of sympathetic nerves supplying the eye and is characterized by enophthalmos (sinking of the eyeball into the orbit), partial ptosis (drooping upper eyelid),swelling of the lower eyelid, miosis (constricted pupil), loss of sweating on the affected side of the face and heterochromia (difference in eye color).

Kay-kay

AlwaysHope,

Great advice. Thanks. 

CAROLMARIE427

Hey fellow sisters-today is a year since I had my "suspicious Mammo" that required a biopsy.  Ugh.  Thanks to all of you for helping me get through this emotional journey! 

Barbe-Hope that your CT scan comes back great!  I am glad that you are posting at least.  I know you are thinking about work, but think about yourself and your health.  I am a schoolteacher and last year I had surgery in Sept and wasn't able to go back until after Christmas because I had so many infections.  I know that in these recession times we all need to work, but plese make sure that you are fully recuperated before you return.  Prayers and hugs your way.

Deb-what sweet daughters.  How nice of them.  I guess that is the difference between daughters and sons.  LOL My boys act as if I never had surgery!

Faith-safe trip and enjoy your baby!  That is wonderful.

Linda-You think it is bad now with all those boys!!!!  I am still going through it with my 14 year old son.  But it even gets better.  My eldest two boys (21 and 18) come around at around 12:30 at night with their friends and decide to barbecue in the wee hours of the morning while my husband and I try to sleep. They crash around 5 am and then wake up at about 4 pm the next day.  It is so crazy trying to deal with them and their lifestyles.  Unfortunately, both go to college right by my house, so I won't even get a break in September.  My life saver is their jobs, which get them out of the house for a few hours at a time.  It is not easy!

Please someone print the recipe for that yummy dessert and sharing holiday recipes when the time comes around would be great.  A good night to all of you.

Makratz

Hugs Kay Kay.  You need to speak up and tell your friends and family that yyou really could use the help.  I think that once you do, people will be willing to help.  I'm so sorry that you are going through this and feel this way. Hang in there and come back and visit us again soon.  We love new friends.

Carolemarie, I think I will sent my boys to UCLA for college.  BTW, I live in MA!!

kmccraw423

Kaykay:  Your posting sounds like some of mine.  I have spent so much time being angry with my family.  I, too, am a giver without any reciprocity.  While in rehab for a diabetic foot ulcer I had an epiphany.  It is what is - I am not going to change people.  I can get bitter or better.  I choose better.  In the meantime, try the following:

Barbe:  I would send you some money but I don't have any; however, if I win the lottery I will be in touch.

barbe1958

Kathleen, I LOVE that sign! I want to blow it up and put it over my bed....hhehehehehehe.

I must admit, I HATE the term "it is what it is" as to me that sounds so fatalistic, but I know so many people that swear it changed their lives! I do like the bitter or better.....good one! 

barbe1958

Kathleen, I LOVE that sign! I want to blow it up and put it over my bed....hhehehehehehe.

I must admit, I HATE the term "it is what it is" as to me that sounds so fatalistic, but I know so many people that swear it changed their lives! I do like the bitter or better.....good one! 

kmccraw423

Barbe, Thanks.  I like that sign too.  I think Wayne Dwyer said that we were the most unhappy when we wanted something we could not have.  I can't change anyone else - just me so I am choosing to change me and my attitude!

barbe1958

I like Wayne Dwyer, he is a smart man! I like to take accountabiity for my own destiny so that's why I am fairly outgoing and vocal, though very shy, believe it or not! I know that only I can be my own best advocate....

Makratz

Kathleen, Are you home?  Welcome back and here is your (((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))!!

hollyann

Barbe!   So glad to see you post.........

Kay thank you for the explanation on Honer's.......

Jane_M

Here's the recipe for the creamsicle-looking pie:

Hi Jane, yes I do and it's very easy to make. You can use many different variations in it. Example: Peaches, Blueberries, Strawberries, Coconut, Raspberries, pineapple, etc... I've used all.

1- graham cracker crust
1- 8oz. pkg of neufachuel cream cheese
1/2 cup of splenda granular
1-8oz. fat free/sugar free cool whip
1- cup of fruit (your choice)


In a mixer, cream the cream cheese with the splenda until smooth. Fold in the cool whip until well blended. Then fold in the fruit. Put mixture in the graham cracker crust. Refridgerate for about 1-2 hours.

very good---enjoy

faithandfifty

Welcome Kay...... you will learn assertiveness training 101, here w/the dust bunnies.

Kathleen what a wonderful thing to see you post!!! Epiphanies are worth their weight in gold.

Waiting for the last bit of laundry to be dry -- and then I'm "unplugging."

Thanks to all for the good travel vibes.

Much encouragement to all in need!

xx00xx00xx00xx

kmccraw423

Good morning dust bunnies.  Since I am home I see there is much to do.  My orders are to stay off my foot as much as possible so I guess I can't do any housework for at least 10 days.  Darn it all!

Jayne_in_UK

((((((((((Kathleen))))))))))  ((((((((((Barbe))))))))))  ((((((((((Kay Kay))))))))))

Kathleen it's good to see you post again. Yay to getting better.

Barbe glad you are still posting. Healing vibes still being sent from me.

Kay Kay sorry to hear you are not getting the support you need. I think sometimes people who would like to help are not sure what to do, so if you could maybe ask for a specific thing to be done, say cutting your grass, you may find that they would be pleased to do it. I hope so anyway. Oh another thing is that often people who appear to be very busy seem somehow better able to make time to help, like a saying we have "if you want something doing, ask a busy person."

Wishing all my dust bunny friends a wonderful day.

kmccraw423

You have no idea how good coffee can taste that wasn't made with mud and hot water!  I think I missed that most of all.  That is the first thing I did when I got home - made a real cup of coffee.

vivvygirl

Kathleen,

If you can't do housework, I don't think I can as well....purely for support that is!

kmccraw423

Barbe - this is for you!

I sure hope you are improving.  I know how frustrating it is to have pain and not know what's going on.  And, boy are you right!  If you are in any facility be it hospital or rehab, you better be your best advocate.  I am loud and pushy but generally shy which can be effectively covered up - I found that out some years ago when I told a co-worker I hated confrontation and her jaw literally dropped. She said in sheer disbelief "you do?"  I responded "I said I didn't like it, I didn't say I wasn't good at it!"

So here is to pushy broads!

Makratz

Kathleen, 10 days??  I think you need to stay off your foot longer than that.  We don't want you to have to go back to the hospital. So happy to see you back here!