Starting Chemo May 2008

ewesterman

AAAAARGH! Cris, so sorry you are having to go through this.

rock

1.  Cris, PUH-LEEZ let me punch him in the face. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. I really need to punch somebody and he seems to be in need of punching.

Sable

Cris~ just hang in there. This too will soon pass. And let rock hit him LOL.

Had a mammo on monday. I was a bit panicky about it cause my good side had some pains in it familiar to pre-cancer pains on the other side. And there was a lump area. I spoke to PS and he said was scar tissue that he would be taking out not to worry... ya right. Mammo turned out clear woohooo! While I was there I had them call in the lady who has done every single ultrasound on me since I was prego 9 years ago. She wanted to see my trammy. So she came in to check it out. For a place who does mammos neither she nor the mammo girl had ever seen a trammy boob. Both were looking real close and asking questions. I tossed out there if they wanted to feel it. I've never seen 2 hands come out so fast to feel up a boob in my life. lol

Right now I am still looking for ways to save up for the lipo to have it done. I was going to pass but hubby said this is my only chance ever to get it done if I really wanted it. I would just because the trammy left me a bit odd looking in the stomach area and my pants keep falling off. Plus its a fast way to loose some weight. I just want to be done. baby steps...

Happy weekend!

robink

Jen, Good news about a clear Mammo! Cracks me up about the techs checking out your trammy boob. If they would have said no, I'd worry about their desire to learn.  I agree with your hubby concerning getting the lipo done, take advantage of the opportunity.  And your comment about just wanting to be done...I'm right there with you.

Robin

kerry_lamb

Oh Cris. This is shite...for you and for your girls. The most damaging and demeaning conflict for children (in a long list of damaging and demeaning conflict) is that which is about 'the costs of the children'.  I have had people in their mid-twenties talk to me about it and boy it would break the coldest heart. One boy (who was 16 and in year 10) talked most earnestly to me about leaving school so he could 'help with money to keep me'. WTF??? I'm polishing up the shovelthe crappest part of course is how common it is. It's almost like the first line of attack: "Oh well he/she will have to give up a,b,c, & d now that I have a new household to set up". Murder is on mah mind!! I've got other stuff on my mind, too. On May 30 I fly to Los Angeles, and then I'm going to drive over to see Dana. This is making my stomach turn even as I type this. I have lost my nerve. My house is pretty clean but there are pictures still sitting around the walls waiting to be hung after 18 months. (40 minutes worth of action). So, I'm doing something which will shock me out of this...numbness. I want my groove back. I'm tired of being a prisoner. Dana is not going to last long girls, and her situation has made me think long and hard about a few things. So, I AM USA BOUND!!. I have no firm itinerary (apart from going and returning!) but I should be in the Austin area by about June 4th. REALLY looking forward to the drive/think. That part of the world was all over the TV when we first got it here in Australia and I was a kid...just reading the names makes me feel good. I don't know what to organize with y'all. Suffice to say, this will not be my one and only trip. I'm coming next year as well..to a different part. I have to start somewhere to become Stunt Girl again rather than Cancer Girl!! I have promised my hub that I will avoid Juarez...although the only time I have been overseas was in 1986/87. Serious dangerous conflict in Israel, the Athens airport was being repaired after a bombing...y'all get the picture. I kind of liked the danger. But...Juarez is out. Love you all.. Stay strong! 

ellenoire

Hmm, Kerry.. I may join you?... if that is ok with you.. and timing works out. I was thinking/ planning to see Dana soon. I know her "eyes' are on here, but can you explain a little when you say she "doesn't have long"? I guess I have not been following along well.

 Cris, I am a child of divorce except that I was a mostly formed adult in my early 20's when it happened. I don't really believe anyone can get out unscarred and guilt and nastiness come out of the best people. My parents were married for 25 years and basically never fought. My Dad cheated, my mother became a venomous, horrible, betrayed human and remained so for another 16 years or so until she died. They found some peace when Grandchildren and cancer came into our lives. He knows he was a complete fecking idiot and she was the best thing he ever had, when we buried her ashes soon after chemo he said that in his dreams  he is still married to her-yes, I think he is a GIANT ass for saying/ feeling so... mostly because during the mediations/ divorce etc his actions were so horrid, and he acted like he had done nothing wrong.

I guess what I am saying is stop trying to see logic in his actions. He is temporarily insane and will do/ say anything to keep himself and everyone else from seeing that. As we have seen with chemo etc live gutting experiences like cancer, can get so deeply into your subC that it takes years to work out what you were thinking during it... and even more to work out how deeply it affected you (shout out to Kristy at the wedding, yes, I've been there too). I know divorce is not the same as cancer, but as you say... it needs a specialized treatment too. Somehow, can you make you girls understand that grown ups/people do/say strange things under pressure ? and that their Dad misses them but does not know how to act.. and will do/say strange things because he is scared they won't like him anymore. His cheating was based on some fear and his lack of abilty to confide in you, so he found a way to make himself feel good for a moment meanwhile mangling his whole universe... it will take him a long time, if not forever to realise all this... but sadly you and your kids will pay dearly for his weakness. You, my dear have no reason to forgive him.. but somehow to keep yourself sane have to find a way to see him as weak and pathetic and not the enemy....Pick your battles, protect your girls and find the best way you can to let them see you be strong and smart... and human to yourself, to them and to him ( even though we all know he is a giant ass)

Sorry for the babble, but does this make sense?

Love to all... I saw Rock for an hour in NYC.. it was great.. and she gave me clothes to get me through the 40 hours I went without luggage.

xoN

Sable

Ladies when you get to see dana, please carry my love to her for me. I wish I could go along with you. I'll be there in spirit.

Met one of my sisters friends today. Her mom just got diag. with bc. The doc thinks they got all of it out when they did a biop and she will just have radiation. The girl makes a comment about freaking out over it. So I kinda talked her down a bit. Explained that its not going to be as bad as she thinks with just having the radiation and on how I look at the whole thing. For me cancer was like having a really bad cold..... chemo was the nasty nyquil that you have to work yourself up to swallowing cause it is so nasty tasting. You take it cause you have to and then you move on. You do what needs to be done. And she has it in her mind because she is large chested that she is more at risk. I aimed her towards this site in hopes that she finds some good answers along the way. I'm hoping I helped her out just a bit today.

Spent the day at the book sale again. Nothing like several hundred people fighting over who gets that last book. It was an adventure. Ya'll were with me a few times when I came across bc books and such. Nice to know that no matter where I am, ya'll will always be with me :O)

kerry_lamb

Quote: You do what needs to be done. Unquote. Amen Jen! Two years! It's hard to believe really..except it stalks me even when I'm asleep. Fecker. xxx

ewesterman

http://scottjarrett.tumblr.com/

Without You....listen to it ... now... I dedicate it to Randie in preparation for the year anniversary of her passing.

ewesterman

Here are the words in case you don't want to listen to the beautifuly melody... For RanD

Without You

(Eric Doney: Music, Scott Jarrett: Lyrics)

The Sun's still shining
Without You
But it wasn't very warm today

The Earth's still turning
Without You
But I can't escape the feeling
In my heart now that you are gone,
It really makes me wonder:
What's the sense of the journey we're on?

The music's playing
Without You,
But I'm lost without your melody.

The harmony we bring rises above you
As you lay sleeping ‘neath the green
What better way to say, "We love you"?
Under the trees
Into the breeze we send your song

The music's playing
Without You
But I'm lost without your melody
I'm lost without your melody

otter

Eddie, now you've gone and got me crying.  <sniff>

It's beautiful.

Hugs...

otter

otter

[duplicate post.... sorry.  Must have been the tears in my eyes.]

ewesterman

Listen to it too. It is a beautiful song.

ewesterman

I am feeling pretty bummed about CANCER.

ewesterman

Kerry,

Come to Seattle as part of your travels? Please? You could get Adrienne, Angels (in Nelson BC and me all at once). 

drcrisc

Thank you all, again. 

Rock - Be my guest!!  (Please...I'm serious.)  I'll pick you up and drive you right to the front door.

Noelle - Thanks.  Tons of sense coming through.  Tons.  

Jen - I'm so glad it really was nothing.  (Guess what - the bad neighbors moved...go figure!)

Eddie - That is a lovely song.  Now I need Kleenex.

Kerry - Okay, LA is only 4 hours south of me!!  And it's a bee-u-tiful drive - I promise!!  And you can meet my neighbor who is also from Austrailia!  But <sigh> I can't escape the reason for your visit, which makes me deeply sad.  Please, please give Dana a long, long hug from me.

Dana - If you're peeking - TAWANDA!!

I hope I have reassured Katie that she does not have to worry about her gymnastics - I will find a way to work it out.  She competes on Sunday to hopefully get the score she needs to move to the next level which she is ready to do. Today Kellly bought her self a new leo with birthday/chore money she had saved.  This will be good and I am working on a plan.  

kerry_lamb

Oh Eddie. How beautiful..yes..I think we are all bummed about cancer. I had a look at the maps..boy has Google Maps been getting a workout lately! There's no way I can get to Seattle this trip but I'm going to come again this time next year and will fly up from LA and then go....who knows?? Y'all are on my mind.xxx

angelsaboveus

So much has been posted since I've been away ..alot to catch up on

Eddie that was a beautiful song and the post a wee bit back was very moving.  We are all amazing women in our own way! And with each others help we will find that path that leads us to a peaceful and happy place.

Cris how did your daughter do in her competition on Sunday? I'm sure she wowed (sp) the crowd !

Kerry kudos to you for making plans for your journey ....hopefully it fulfills your dreams.

Just got back from dd provincials and we are off to Nationals in 3 weeks. They are being held in Ottawa.  I head out again on Thursday to go to Calgary to help move my boys ....they are going to move in together.  This should be interesting   So just enough time to pack up stuff for them, do laundry and reload the suitcase.

Off to go visit mom....been gone a few days so hope she remembers who I am  !

Have a great Tuesday ladies !

JulieC

Pass the tissues, please.  You try to erase the suckage from 2 years ago and no matter how hard you try, you just can't.  I'm doing better with doing regular stuff, but then it all comes back and I don't want to forget all that we've been through.  I made it through most of my SNB date without thinking about it.  I had thought about several days before and then the day of, thought the date sounded familiar and then I remembered.

Great news, Jen!  Glad you could give the techs "hands on" experience.  Go for the lipo if you want it.

Cris - I'm mad at your husband and would like to line up behind Rock for a few swats.  Your girls are strong and smart and will realize what is going on.  Keep them in their normal activities.  They need those even more right now.

Angels - congrats and all of the accomplishments of your kids, especially for the boys rooming together.  That sounds fun.

You all are welcome here anytime for anything.  Kerry - pick Illinois, pick Illinois.  I want to win the Kerry lottery.

On the lighter side - we had new windows installed today.  Tomorrow Riley auditions for the talent show at her school (grades 4, 5, 6).  She is playing Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends".  I can't imagine what the teachers will think when they say her act on the list.  She has to dress in what she will wear if she gets in.  Billie Joe Armstrong wears a black button up shirt and a red tie so guess what we had to find.  Luckily we found a red tie in the boys section at JCP and I had a coupon so it only cost $1.98.  If she doesn't make it we aren't out a lot of money.

Love to you all - Julie

robink

Julie - woo hoo for new windows. We have soooo many here, hard to keep clean, now looking toward doing repairs to some sills with water damage in prep for selling out house. I hope them let the sun shine in brighter!

That Green Day song, "Wake me when Septemeber ends", I learned about through my daughter when she was having a difficult patch in her life several years ago, she was in Germany, told me about the song, I found it on itunes, could play it, feel come connection across the world. Good Luck to Riley, hoping she has fun with it and those who know Green Day will get lost in their own memories and be appreciative of her presentation!

kerry_lamb

New windows, new computers, new veggie gardens, new cars...ah yes! All cause for celebration  xxxxx New kittens!!! New microwave containers! New tubs of Nivea cream!  New tyres!  Any more..? xx

sueper13

Kerry,

The wind in the trees (almost sounds like the ocean).  The sound the dog makes as she lies down.

Sable

eeekkkk 3 weeks ladies!

kerry_lamb

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!Mad clapping of hands, jumping up and down and accompanying goosebumps !!!!!!!XXXXXXXX

angelsaboveus

Nobody comes here much anymore.....

    Just got the phone call from the hereditary program and my genetic results are in, finally after waiting for a year   !!!!......but had to make an appt. for a phone reveal for Thursday at 1:30. They will give the results over the phone, she said should take about 20 min.. So I am kinda reading into this that it is a positive otherwise why would it take 20 min to tell me negative , nothing to worry about..goodbye ?  Anyways send neg. vibes my way please !!!

Been enjoying following along with all your excitement about the grand get together all the while wishing I was going to be there with you. Please take losts of pics so you can put them up on facebook !!!

Cheers

otter

For angels:  negative.negative.negative.negative.negative (etc.)

Maybe it's something that's not positive, and isn't known to be a risk, but it's unusual enough that they have to spend some time explaining it.  Or, maybe the results are negative, but the counselor wants to make sure you know that most women who get BC do not have BRCA mutations.  (My sister assumed that, because I was BRCA-negative, she didn't have to worry about developing BC herself.  WRONG.)

negative.negative.negative.negative.negative... (continued)

Yes, we'll take lots of pics.  I'm already charging up my extra batteries.

Lots of hugs...

otter

drcrisc

Angels - I'll send you all my negative thoughts (wait...that came out wrong...)  Taking a cue from otter:  negative results. negative results. negative results. negative results. negative results...

angelsaboveus

thanks for trying ladies.......but I am positive for the BRCA 1 gene mutation , pretty much expected it especially with family history and being triple neg.

So will look into getting ovaries taken out , will be referred to high risk clinic that will follow me with MRI's yearly ...offsetting my yearly mammos by six months.  Probablly won't take off the other boob with added screening but will think about that. And the fun part telling the kids that you have a 50% chance of being the lucky recipient of this gene.   At least they can be fast tracked in the testing now if they chose to proceed with that down the road.   

Gotta run and go pick up the kidlet from school, enjoy the rest of the day !

otter

Oh, angels, ... that sux really big time.  We tried to make those results come out negative, but some things just do what they're going to do. At least you've had time to think about what the options would be.  As if that helps...

I soooo wish you were going to be with us next month.  We would all gather 'round and hug you and tell you how much we care.  We'll tell you that anyway, of course; but it won't be in person this time.  Next time, though!

Big hugs...

otter

Sable

That really really sucks angels! Just because it is positive it is NOT a bc sentence to you or the girls. You have to be strong with your answer and be proactive with the girls. This way they can stay on top of checkups and be able to prevent something more serious. Be strong lady, and know that no matter what we all have your back... and your front LOL.

As for pics... these ladies are going to be tired of getting "flashed". I plan on snapping every moment I can. Which also means this is a warning.... keep hair and makeup all purdy for a few days LOL.